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The False Path

By Elle Burrell

This year has been crazy. We all know, first-hand, the tragedies that encompass a global pandemic. It seems everyday is a new challenge and struggling becomes a daily routine. From battling the unemployment office to battling depression, this year has caused devastation amongst millions of people. What can we do, in the meantime, to make our lives better? Personally, I’ve enrolled in a MFA Creative Writing program, to develop my skills. However, I didn’t start writing professionally until I finished my bachelor’s last year. Although challenging, my journey onward, as a writer, has been extraordinary

I started writing as a kid. But as soon as I discovered boys, my intellectual interests started taking a back-burner. I was still an avid reader, particularly the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling. Once I hit the teen years, everything went bad. My interests in boys turned into an obsession. Who was I going to marry, seemed like the only thought in my head. I grew up in a Christian household, and, as a woman, I thought that was my duty. Get married, have kids. In that order, nothing more nothing less. Since my focus wasn’t right, my academics faltered and I didn’t pursue college after high school.

I did find someone to marry though. After years of toxic “not-relationships” with guys that only wanted one thing, I found someone I thought was worthy of my time. We were together for a year before we got married. The wedding was beautiful. Afterwards we honeymooned in Grand Cayman for a week. When we got home, something seemed to shift. We tried to ease into a routine, but nothing I did was ever good enough. He would yell at me for the way I loaded the dishwasher. He didn’t like that I didn’t do things exactly the way he wanted it, when he wanted it. Controlling to say the least. You don't always know an escalated situation, until you’re already there. A week after we returned from Grand Cayman we got into an argument. At this point I don’t even remember what about. What I do remember is him slamming me towards a wall trying to get towards the balcony. We lived on the 3rd floor of an apartment building. As he got to the sliding door, I scratched my way out of the situation, and ran out the door. Panting, I run down the steps, grabbing my phone from my back pocket. I immediately called my mother (my go-to person). She instructed me to stay away from him, hidden, and call the police. Needless to say, even as a creative writer focusing on young adult fiction, that’s too much drama for me. I’m too laid back for all that. I immediately filed for divorce. Focusing on marriage was definitely my first false path.

I didn’t let that stop me from trying. A year later I’d marry someone else. A pathological liar. He was kind so I stayed with him for longer. I had two children, which are the biggest blessing in my life. Also, the biggest blessing out of that relationship. The journey for this relationship wasn’t as physically strenuous as the first. However, it was equally as toxic. I went to a trade school for medical assisting, to obtain meaningful employment. Things were okay. But after two years, I couldn’t handle any more frivolous lies. I filed for divorce.

Do you think I stopped there? Of course not, I hadn’t learned my lesson yet. In 2015, I met a guy from Detroit, Michigan. The attraction and chemistry with this one were off the charts. From the fireworks in our kiss, to the electric shock going through my body when we touched. I thought he was the one. So, there I was, blinded by attraction, and ignoring all the toxicity, the gaslighting, the cheating. He was the one, until he left. This was my turning point. Why would a jobless nobody leave me? I didn’t understand how I could have put so much effort into one person and they just left. I spent months wallowing in depression. My medical assisting job was draining. My boss, with his toxic masculinity, constantly tore me down even though I offered my services for several years. I grew with the company and helped them grow. When I was going through my bachelor’s program, I applied a lot of my new knowledge to this organization. I redesigned out dated paperwork, I helped with marketing practices, and I acted as a leader. It wasn’t until we shut down due to Covid, did I realize this was the final chapter in my false path. 

It was time to make a change. Since I was just sitting around, I started to hand-write a novel. I finished quickly, realizing this is what I’m supposed to do. I already knew I had talent. I wrote 150 papers for my undergrad, finishing in less than a year. I can produce material. I just needed the skills to make my writing better. In the beginning of August, I started researching different universities to see where I might fit. When I discovered my current institution, I knew this is where I belong. 

A career in writing isn’t always easy. It may be fun to create content, but it takes self-discipline, knowledge, understanding, and the ability to take criticism. Diligence and time-management are keys to being successful in this field. Take a minute to consider the skills you have and whether they fit into a career of a writer. Remember - the best things in life aren’t easy. 

Thanks for reading.

Elle Burrell

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