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[emiewritesthings]

a not so happy halloween ☆ jay halstead

summary: in which Jay feels like Halloween has it out for him, but Y/n and his daughter proves him wrong

warnings: swearing 

From the moment that Jay Halstead woke up on Halloween morning, he soon remember why his cynical father had labelled it the ‘devil’s holiday’. It seemed no matter what he did everything was going terribly, horribly wrong. 

It started with him sleeping in, his usual alarm that he’d remember to set before he went to sleep was proved useless when his phone had died sometime in the night having not been charging despite being attached to the cable. Waking up 7 minutes before he was set to start work - thanks to Y/n’s shrieks up the stairs - he’d ran out the door so fast only to discover that his truck refused to start. 

The neighbours watched him with concerned gazes as Jay proceeded to silently scream, aware that the noise might wake up his sleeping daughter and pass on his morning from hell onto the woman he loved inside. Taking a deep breath, he tried to play off the unfortunate events, and went inside where Y/n offered to drop him off. 

Which quite frankly was exactly what he needed. To be in her company, along with the nearly three year old in the backseat, partially distracting him from the morning. He’d found that Y/n could sweeten even the sourest of moods, and after all these years that had never changed. 

Promising to come back later to pick him back up, the two exchanged a short kiss before Jay made his way inside. With a new outlook on the day, his optimism was soon shot down when he was confronted by a grumpy Hank, punched in the face by a suspect they’d arrested and was then delivered a truck load of paperwork with hours until the deadline. 

The work of the devil was indeed no joke. Jay felt every last strength in his body dissipate into the air of the bullpen, as he tried to ignore the way his friends and colleagues narrated his day of bad luck. Thankfully, Y/n had seemed to sense his distress, for every hour or so she’d send a cute video of Zara ‘helping’ to make halloween treats, or pictures of her pulling faces at her mom. They were a strong motivation to keep going, a light at the end of the tunnel that signposted a feeling incomparable to any other. A euphoria that he’d only felt as a husband and a father. 

It was a matter of minutes before the end of his shift, Jay had received a total of 6 paper cuts in the last hour that he struggled to turn the pages with the amount of bandaids covering his fingers. His eyes stung with exhaustion, and he was sure if he stood up right then, he’d collapse into a pathetic pile on the floor. 

His pen slipped against the page as he signed the last page, just as the lights in the unit suddenly zipped off and there was a string of groans. 

“Oh for fuck sake, Jay, look what you’ve done!” Adam groaned from all the way over at his desk and although Jay couldn’t make out the man, he could imagine how he was sprawled back on his chair, an accusing finger pointed his way. 

“How is this my fault? I didn’t do anything!” He argued back, but didn’t see any other member of the team jump to defend him. Not even Kim that was the general mediator of the entire group. They knew as well as he did, something was off. 

“You got hexed and now we are all suffering the consequences!” It was an immature conversation, but part of Jay felt like the words rung true. He did feel cursed, like he’d upset some kind of deity that was punishing him for something - anything. “shit, hexes aren’t contagious are they? i am suppose to be meeting with this hot blond and I really can’t afford-.” 

Before Adam could finish his spiel, everyone’s attention turned to the approaching footsteps up the unit stairs. heads turned and guns were held, ready for some kind of intruder. But instead they were caught off guard by the sound of a familiar voice flowing into the space. 

“God this building is not unfit people friendly.” Y/n wheezed, though no one could see her. It took them all a moment too long to recognise the voice that despite not being officially a member of the team, was certainly a member of their family.

“Y/n?” Kim gasped, dropping her weapon immediately upon the lights being switched back on by a curious Voight, and the woman appearing in front of them with a small girl holding onto her hand dressed in quite possibly the cutest costume any of them had ever seen. “Wh-Why did you do that? We could have hurt you!” 

“I was trying to be dramatic!” Y/n whined, letting her daughter be plucked away from her as everyone began to appreciate the cow costume she had bought late last week upon being brought to tears at the thought of her daughter wearing it. “But then I got a stitch and the moment was ruined.” She explained plainly, though the only person listening was Jay who watched her with soft eyes, still planted at his desk. 

Smiling over at him, she slowly stalked over. But just as she moved to go around his desk and plonk herself down on his lap, his hand had extended and she paused.

“You don’t want to be near me today, trust me.” Jay grumbled, wanting nothing more than to feel her warmth pressed against his cold, hollow chest - but whilst he could deal with getting himself into situations, he didn’t know if he could live with himself if even the smallest thing brought harmed to the two most important girls in his life. 

Scoffing at the suggestion, Y/n had no problem with whatever karma the father of her child brought, for all she had been thinking about since they’d last seen each other was being held by him - and she’d be damned if she didn’t get exactly what she wanted. Scooting around the wooden slab of a desk, she gestured for Jay to move back a little - which he obeyed - before she let her body sink into his lap. A satisfied sigh leaving her lips as she felt her own stress fade with every millisecond. 

“What haunts you, haunts me. They are the rules, baby.” She smiled, grabbing ahold of his arms and pulling the tighter around her as she snuggled back. Jay’s chest vibrated with a chuckle, his lips pressing against the side of her head once, twice, three times. The sound of appreciation from her lips was enough to make him feel like his soul had been cleansed. “But I’m afraid I am the bringer of your next nightmare.” The teasing tone made Jay’s brows quirk up, watching the woman glance back at him, eyes focused on his lips. 

“Please don’t tell me you have one of them cow costumes for me too.” Kissing her lips quickly, Y/n’s hand reached up and traced the features that built his handsome face with a small grin. Shaking her head lightly, she stopped when she’d outlined his lips and pressed her own against them. 

“Worse.” She mumbled as she pulled back, looking up into his eyes that seemed significantly lighter than when they’d started the conversation. 

--

“Trick or Treat!” Zara almost pronounces correctly as she stands in front of Jay and Y/n on one of their neighbour’s porches. The two adults couldn’t stop smiling, which was saying something for Jay hadn’t stopped complaining about the straw hat that sat upon his head since they left home an hour ago. 

“Stop messing with it, you look perfect!” Y/n groans as she swatted Jay’s hands away from where they tried to reposition the accessory that made up only one element of the farmer outfit he’d flat out refused to wear - until Y/n’s convincing had him dressed and ready to go twenty minutes later. 

“I look like an idiot.” His pout was adorable, one that mirrored his offspring the made a similar face at the woman when she tried to make Zara eat vegetables. Leaning forward on the cowboy boots she’d borrowed from Kim, Y/n pressed a longing kiss against her husband’s lips once, twice, three times. 

“Speak for yourself, I think you look hot.” She grinned, her hand slapping down on his denim covered ass. The action causing him to yelp, catching the attention of the woman at the door who was helping a fussy Zara pick a candy she liked. Trying to play it off with a small cough, Jay narrowed his eyes at his beautiful wife and leaned in closer. 

“You can’t seriously think I look hot right now!” Gesturing down to the blue dungarees and the plaid shirt, Y/n’s hands ran up and down his chest. Her teeth clamped on her bottom lip, as her eyes look up at him with a gaze that could suck the soul out of his body. And after such a day, Jay Halstead somehow felt like the luckiest man on the planet to simply know - let alone be able to love - a woman like Y/n Y/l/n. 

“What I think is if you stop messing with your hat, maybe you’ll get to see my other costume.” She breathed out, her finger tracing up and down his chest. Jay’s breath caught in his throat. His body felt like a puddle of gasoline and her words a match that completely obliterated his being into a hot, fiery flame of love and lust. 

“Look, mommy. Daddy, look!” Zara’s sudden appearance by their side broke the moment, as Y/n released an exaggerated breath at the lollipop their daughter was gushing over. 

“Wow! Now, what do we say to Mrs Merced?” She gestured to the old woman still stood at her door. A ‘thank you’ was sung out and soon the family of three were off once again. And for another fourty five minutes, Jay’s fingers didn’t so much as graze his cowboy hat, his hands attached to the woman that could remove even the darkest cloud from the sky. He didn’t know what she was: a goddess, a witch, an angel. But what he did know was luck would always be on his side, as long as she was. 

[emiewritesthings]

spiderman ☆ jay halstead

summary: in which y/n has a fear of spiders and jay is always her first call 

warnings: language, violence against spiders (rip lol)

“Pick up, pick up, pick up.” Y/n chanted to herself as the phone against her ear rang in search of a connection to the other line. Admittedly, her hands were shaking and each breath felt like a million tiny daggers poking in her lungs, as her eyes stared at the closed bathroom door.

“Y/n?” Jay’s voice finally shot through the ringing in her ears, and a relief filled sigh left her lips. Her want to jump for joy was ignored as she remembered that she was not on the floor right now, and in grave danger of injuring herself if she lost her balance. “What happened to ‘I’m never talking to you again, Jay Halstead’?” The man’s smirk was audible to the woman that couldn’t see his smug face, and as much as she wanted to check him for it, she also wanted his help and therefore needed to appease him with some kindness.

The words he’d reference had been spoken a couple days prior when the younger woman had a few too many and upon walking her home, Jay had refused her the opportunity to get a kebab. Although Y/n’s memory was a little pathy due to being the tester of Molly’s new cocktail menu, she did remember violently crying and declaring her hatred for the man that was keeping her drunk self away from her one true love.

“Ah, well, that was before satan decided to crawl into my fucking house.” She screeched as she thought about the beast she had encountered just moments before she’d ran into the bathroom following the release of a hearty scream. She had half expected her neighbours to come check if she was okay, or even ring the police considering the noise that echoed around her small apartment. But any such action was yet to be taken, as far as Y/n was aware.

“Satan, huh?” Jay looked over at Hailey who was driving silently, only being able to hear Jay’s side of the conversation, much to her dismay. The blonde didn’t fully understand the male detective’s knowing look, not having half the relationship Jay shared with the firefighter, but knew that the ‘satan’ in question wasn’t the red horned pitchfork sporting kind.

“Don’t fuck with me right now, Halstead. I am still recovering from witnessing it scuttle under my sofa.” She breathed out a rugged breath, wiping the back of her hand against her forehead where beads of fear spawned on her skin. Jay had to hold back his laughter, knowing that the woman on the other end of the line would undoubtedly get annoyed and hang up.

“So this Satan in question,” Jay swallowed his smile as he turned on the speaker, allowing Hailey a front row seat to the ever humorous Y/n y/l/n show. “Is it spider?” Snapping her head off the road for a second, Hailey mouthed ‘seriously?’ silently, cracking up so bad that Jay had to mute the call for a moment to stop her struggles to contain said amusement from floating down into Y/n’s ears.

“A spider the size of godzilla!” Y/n bit back, already not liking that Jay wasn’t taking her very real problem unseriously. Just at the mention of the culprit had her underarms sweating and a shiver slicing its way down her spine. The flashback made her try to take a step back, which in her current circumstance had her letting a string of curse words flow off her tongue as she grabbed onto the wall, preventing her fall. Hearing the commotion, Jay unmuted the call.

“Where are you right now?” Jay asked, knowing that from the way her voice sounded she certainly wasn’t lulling on her couch or even lounging on her bed. No, she sounded… echoey?

“Hiding in the bathroom, where else would I be?” She shrugged off the question in a whisper, as if the sound of the voice may lure the creature towards her safe haven and attack her. Which to a rational person was ridiculous, but to Y/n a growing fear. “I’m standing on the edge of the bath, just in case it gets under the door, you know?” Jay didn’t know, but imagining the beautiful young woman balancing up high scouring any slight movement lightened his mood considerably.

“How are you trusted to fight fires if you are scared of a mesley spider?” Jay snorted, knowing the horror stories of the disasters Y/n had quite literally ran into as part of her profession, and yet the thought of being face to face with a harmless eight legged insect kicked in her flight instinct?

“I do not need your sass right now, Jay. I need you to bring your gun.” She insisted with a stern tone, which soon softened upon requesting his services. “You think you could come get it for me?” She pleaded and Jay instantly could imagine her eyes large and doe like, a look that resembled the call of a siren, only at least the latter led a sailor to death, the former on the other hand just tortured him every living moment. Letting out a sigh in thought - though both of them knew ther

“If I show up and it’s just a bit of fluff again-.” Jay started, reminding them both of the time that the woman had called for help in the early hours of the morning, for the man to drive thirty minutes to find it was indeed just a black piece of fluff from her sock. Y/n cringed at the memory and the embarrassment she had felt towards the man that - at the time - she hadn’t known that long.

“You won’t, I promise.” The man knew she was crossing her heart - even if he couldn’t see it. Looking towards Hailey who just nodded, confirming she was fine making a diversion, Jay agreed reluctantly.

“I won’t be there for another twenty minutes.” Y/n let out a squeal of joy at her knight in shining armour, her arms wanting to wrap around his body and squeeze him had he been there and not somewhere else in the city. The sounds were infectious, both detectives sat in the moving black truck unable to stop their lips tipping at the sweet sounds,

“You are the best, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Saying their goodbyes and once again ensuring that he wouldn’t be long, Jay hung up the phone and relaxed into his seat. However, he was forced to take a break when he felt Hailey glancing between him and the road. Frowning, he met her gaze and instantly groaned at the look that rested there.

“Don’t you dare.” Hailey shook her head with a wide grin, as Jay turned to look out the window - internally grateful for the spider in Y/n’s apartment that had given him the perfect excuse to see her.

–

“Y/n?” Jay called from the doorway once the key - which Y/n had gifted to him once when he was plant sitting and never asked for back - had unlocked her front door. Jay’s eyes widened at the mess her living room was in, the coffee table flipped and the sofa on its side, signally Y/n’s messy escape.

Shaking his head in amusement, he stepped over a stray pillow, and headed straight towards the closed bathroom door. Approaching, he could hear her humming to herself, clearly having become seriously bored and in desperate need of some form of entertainment.

Bringing his fist up to the white chipping paint that coated the wood, he let his knuckles rasp against it a couple times, observing as the noise stopped and an ominous silence followed.

“Who is it?”

“It’s the spider coming to kill you, thought I’d knock to be polite,” Y/n rolled her eyes immediately, instantly moving to unlock the door and pull it open just a crack for her left eye to peer through.

“Real funny.” She scoffed, though internally she was glowing at her rescuer finally arriving to get her out of the miniature bathroom that definitely was running out of oxygen. Moving closer and leaning down so he was closer to the eye staring at him, Jay just grinned.

“Almost as funny as you locking the door to keep a spider out.” Staring at one another - well sort of - for a moment, Y/n wanted to argue her reasoning and maybe if she had one she would have, but alas she let it go. Grumbling to herself, she dropped the matter and moved on to the more pressing one.

“Did you get it yet? Did you kill it?” She begged, voice wavering to a point that Jay began feeling sorry for her. Sure, the whole Y/n and her eight legged kryptonite had been a running joke for many years - and a very funny one at that - he had become increasingly aware that for her there was no humour in the matter. It was a fear, a phobia, something that made her blood run cold and skin sweat. The feeling of being in danger was one like no other, and Jay would never ever wish that upon anyone especially not a woman like Y/n Y/l/n.

“Not yet,” Her sigh was deep, going to say something but Jay continued. “Thought it would be good for you to help me get rid of it. Exposure therapy or whatever.” The suggestion - to Y/n - was absurd. Instantly she had disappeared from the small space between the doorframe and the door itself as she backed up into the bathroom repeating ‘no, no, no, no’ over and over. Jay recognised the panic in her voice and began to think suggesting the idea was a mistake.

“I can’t, I just-” Y/n shivered. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Jay assured shortly, wanting to compel through his words that he had all the faith in the world in her. Sure, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like that she always turned to him when one of the bastards was causing havoc around her place. He liked that she saw him as the saviour, as the one person that she could turn to and trust even on a matter such as spider catching. It made his insides glow, a sensation he’d become addicted to, but equally seeing her not almost fall deep into a pit of anxiety at the mere mention of a spider served him much better. “And you will.”

There was silence that followed. Jay didn’t think he could take any more of the guessing, as he pushed the door open further so - for the first time since his arrival - he got a good look at the woman. She was conflicted, that was the first thing he noted. Y/n Y/l/n was all around a confident woman, someone that carried themselves with an aura that made others see them as untouchable. But like anyone else she was still very much human, a being with feelings that for Jay were open to read any time of the day.

Not saying a word, the two exited the bathroom and suddenly the hunt had begun. Y/n grabbed a pillow that Jay had earlier hopped over, and held it protectively in the air, as she glued herself to Jay’s side. Her eyes darted back and forth, back and forth in search of the critter that had to be somewhere in this hell hole.

“Here, spidey spidey.” Jay called with a wide grin, a result of the contact of Y/n’s hand wrapped around his bicep and the humour of the tense environment that had formed. Sending him a quick glare, Y/n’s grip didn’t budge as the two finally approached the last place she had seen their target. Walking around the tipped couch, Jay kicked around a couple pillows and the splayed out throw, but still there was nothing. “Maybe it’s gone.” Jay’s optimism was a rare sight, but it was soon forgotten as Y/n let out a deathly scream.

“Holy fuck!” Releasing Jay, the pillow in her hand smacked down on the floor again and again and again, all whilst a scream of fear vibrated through her mouth. “Not today satan.” Lifting the pillow she clearly wasn’t satisfied by the dead still black dot that was smudged against the pink case of the pillow that she abandoned on the floor the moment she spotted. For soon her foot cast down against it one, two, three times.

With her hair having fallen out of the loose band that had tied it back and into her line of view from the violent act she just commited, the sigh of relief that she released blew the strands around. It took a few more seconds to realise what she had done, before she was suddenly turning towards the frozen in shock man.

Without warning, Y/n jumped into Jay’s arms, a squeal of excitement emitting from her chest as her arms squeezed around him tightly. The man was so confused as to what he had just witnessed that his hands barely moved to support her.

“I did it. Holy fuck, I did it!” Y/n wasn’t sure what made her do it. Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the possible carbon dioxide poisoning from being trapped in the bathroom or maybe just the surfacing of years of repressed emotion, but her head was soon leaning forward and pressing a kiss firmly against the lips of Jay Halstead.

If he had been distracted before, he certainly wasn’t now. Jay’s attention was vacuumed up by the feeling of the soft lips that currently caressed his own. Her hand was behind his hair, gently strumming the hairs on the back of his neck with her fingers softly, gently, enticingly. Just as he felt he finally became conscious in his body again, Y/n had dislodged herself from the kiss and was staring at Jay in awe of her own actions.

“Oh- shit.” Awe soon turned to panic, as her mind caught up with her body and she thought over what she had just done. Her eyes blew up with uncertainty, desperately searching Jay’s that seemed to be untelling for once in their friendship. “Shit, Jay I’m so-.” But she didn’t get a time to apologise, before Jay was bringing her back and reuniting their lips and their feelings once more. The second time around the kiss was harder, more passionate as if both of them needed to prove to the other that the first was no mistake.

Pulling back, their foreheads were softly pressed upon the other’s, identical smiles on both their faces.

“Thank god.” Both of their smiles flipped, as the new voice was thrown into the touching moment breaking the thick adoring tension that surrounded them in their own little bubble. Not letting go of the woman that was pressed against his body, Jay turned both of them to look to the now open front door where the male detective’s blond partner now stood. “Could you two not have done this 30 spiders ago?” Shaking her head in amusement, Hailey let herself in and looked around with horror. “The spider really was godzilla, huh?”

[emiewritesthings]

Can I request a jay Halstead imagine where he and the reader broke up and they have a kid and he gets married to hailey not long after the break up

I loved writing with this request omgggg. Happier has been posted, hope you love it!

[emiewritesthings]

happier ☆ jay halstead

Summary: in which jay and y/n's break up leaves one more broken than the other

Warnings: Language, angst, not the happiest of endings lmaoo

Requested: Yes!! Can I request a jay Halstead imagine where he and the reader broke up and they have a kid and  he gets married to hailey not long after the break up

“Okay, Ruby’s finally gone back down. Mr Ted fell out her bed again- Wait, w-what are you doing?” Y/n froze in the threshold of their room with wide watery eyes, watching as the man she’d sworn to herself and everyone around her was the one emptying his side of the closet into a large duffle. His face was scrunched up in frustration and pain, skin red with heat and tears of unknown emotions sailed down his smooth cheeks and into the depths of his stubble. “Jay? What are you doing? Jay!” She gasped louder, taking a step forward and felt the internal knife twist in her gut upon realising the scene that had once been an exploited fear in her nightmares become her reality. 

“What am I doing? What am I doing?” Jay looked up, his tongue snapping as the venom could no longer be contained from travelling through his words. “What are we doing? Why are we pretending we are okay?” Shaking his head, his fists balled up one of his ‘fancy’ shirts before angrily punching it into the bag again, again and again. With each motion, Y/n felt her body jump in fear, her stomach uneasy questioning whether she should be walking towards him or running in the opposite direction. 

“It’s okay, Jay-.” Y/n attempted to comfort, now an arm length away from him and where he was hunched over leaning against the mattress with his fists. In the six years they had been together, never had she felt like she ever had to fear Jay. To her friends and family she would describe him as a teddy bear in human clothing, a man that was professionally trained in staying calm and collected. But in that moment, she hesitated to reach out for him. Her eyes zooming in on his balled fists, the stress veins popping under his skin and the mood in the air that just didn’t feel right. 

“Nothing is okay. I am not okay, Y/n!” He yelled, throwing his hands up in the air and suddenly the woman in front of him was cowering away from him. The jump back caught both of them off guard. His hands fell back to his side, as they both stared in silence at one another. 

She thought I was going to hit her? 

I thought he was going to hit me?

Y/n’s head dropped as her hands ran through her long, dark, slightly greasy hair and tugged at it. Maybe if she pulled hard enough everything would dissolve and she’d jolt back into her bed, slightly sweaty from the nightmarish antics but in the safety of Jay’s arms. That’s where she wanted to be. That’s where she belonged, or at least she used to.

“You don’t trust me anymore, Y/n,” Jay’s voice was cold, resuming to gathering his belongings, and keeping a healthy distance between him and the mother of his child for whatever was happening he didn’t want her to feel like she was in danger. “We can’t keep pretending that this is going to get better, it’s not getting any better. I need to go before it breaks us both.” He assured as he appeared from the bathroom with his toiletries. Positioning them in his bag, he realised he had everything and began to tug at the zip.

“Maybe we can try counselling. I have the number of the guy that my sister and George went to, she said it was hard at first but now they’ve never been better!” She bargained hopefully, her hands slapping onto the top of the duffle pausing the man. She leaned over the bed from the opposite side, something stopping her from rounding the bed and standing closer to him. Their eyes met in that moment, and both could see and practically count the pieces of their soul floating around in them - broken and bruised. 

“It won’t work.” Jay insisted, his eyes not leaving her’s, for if he glanced down at her lips and the way they shivered he’d be crumbling down in an instance. “I know it won’t work, you know it won’t work.”

“I don’t want you to go.” She pleaded, her hands placed on top of his, her smaller ones squeezing them gently. She didn’t want to let go of him, not physically or emotionally. Jay was all she’d ever known. He was the man that had introduced her to love in the first place, despite the couple of boyfriends she had prior to the detective. He showed her how powerful a relationship could be, how it could make her feel like she was forever floating on a cloud when he was in the room. But more importantly - most importantly - he had given her the little girl that was sound asleep a couple rooms over, who’d pushed them into parenthood in all its beauty. 

“I’m sorry.” Pulling his hands away was like the penny dropping for Y/n. This was it, he’d logged out, he’d let go, he’d checked out. Y/n’s hands lingered on the bag for a moment, until she pulled them into her chest realising how cold and alien they felt without his. Jay watched as Y/n’s eyes zoned out and the wall he’d spent the six years of their relationship destroying was built back up in milliseconds. Her face was distant, eyes dull and glazed, lips parted. His chest burnt with guilt as he took in the consequences to his confession, he wanted to go over and hug her. Hold her one last time and tell her that it was all going to be okay, but he knew if he did he’d never find the nerve to leave and everything would get worse.

Following him out of the bedroom and towards the front door, Y/n felt trapped inside her own body. She was unable to communicate but every other sense felt ten times stronger. Her skin prickled as she watched Jay grab his car keys out of the poorly made dish that the pair of them had crafted during one of their first dates at a poetry class that Kim had given Jay a coupon for. However his attention was stolen by the framed photos around it, his entire body freezing. His fingers reached out for the little girl that had been captured a couple months ago with her father’s badge around her neck and his large boots swallowing both her little legs. 

Ruby Halstead was as beautiful as her mother, that Jay knew from the day she was born. Although she’d been unlucky enough to adopt his personality, with her funny facial expressions and humour. At age two, Jay felt like she was already a tiny adult with the way she acted, and the thought of ever losing her made his heart burn. Letting the tip of his pointer finger run along her face, he glanced over his shoulder at the zombified woman. 

“Whatever happens between us,” He breathed out, turning back to the picture. “Please never let it ever affect her.” Y/n’s inner voice scoffed humourlessly at his request, whilst externally her dead stare didn’t even shift. Did he seriously think that low of her? Had it gotten so bad between them that he’d forgotten that she would never play around with her daughter’s life, how ever fucked her’s may be. “Maybe when I have a more permanent address we can sort something out, you now, custody wise.” 

How were they even having this conversation? Y/n couldn’t believe he could look her in the face with such words directed towards her. How did they end up here? She couldn’t pinpoint how it had all gone so horribly wrong. 

“Y/n-.” Even the way he said her name had changed. Once upon a time, in a period of their lives that felt like a fictional fairytale in comparison to this, he’d mumble her name like it was a prayer. Every time it was followed by a small smile and a small exhale as it seemed to take the breath from his lungs in a surreal kind of way. Now though, she could feel the way it scalded his tongue. Nevertheless, the call brought Y/n back to the front of her mind, her head slightly shaking as she realised how disorientated she’d become. 

“If you walk out of that door you will never walk back through it.” Her eyes pulled up and the fire lit inside of them introduced a new light into the room. Jay gulped as he realised that she was speaking from the bottom of her heart. It was his last chance, that’s how Y/n thought of it. He could come back to her, give it all one last chance. They were his family after all, weren’t they? Realising that the decision was already well and truly made in his mind, Y/n looked down at her hand and sighed at the ring that no longer glistened the same way as when she’d received it. Feeling a sob lodge in her throat, she didn’t let it out and wouldn’t whilst Jay was still in the house. Tugging the diamond decorated band off of her finger, she stared at it for a moment, lips dipping into a frown. Three years she had been waiting for them to get married, under their bed were folders of planning she had done whilst he was at work. She’d picked out a dress, a location, a cake, but now they were nothing, they meant nothing. 

Holding out the jewellery piece towards Jay, the man looked down at it with sombre eyes. He remembered how he had fretted at the side of his brother, searching for the perfect ring. He wanted a piece that summed up their love, summed up how he felt about her. Something as equally beautiful and powerful as Y/n was. When he’d found the one he’d given her, all he’d ever think of whilst looking at it was the happiness that spilled over her face that night he’d gotten on one knee. That was suppose to be the start of their life together forever, how wrong they were. Nodding in gratitude, Jay placed the ring into the pocket of his jeans and unlocked the front door. The cool wind called him back into the world as a single man, a place he hoped he would find himself once again. 

“For the record,” She called out when Jay had reached the bottom of their garden, his head turned in an instant. Seeing her stood there, the light from the living room lamp creating a halo around her, he felt doubts creep under his skin. “I was so so happy with you, Halstead.” Then the door was slammed shut and Jay listened to the lock click confirming that he’d done it - he was officially locked out of Y/n life. Sighing softly, his feet plodded away from the house and out of the world that they had created and shared together. 

—

6 months later

“-And so I told him, George, it’s not like you forgot to buy milk or something, you slept with our neighbour… three times.” Amelia, Y/n’s eldest sister, complained over a cup of coffee that had certainly gone cold considering how long she’d been retelling the story of her and her husband’s latest fight. The entire time, Y/n had tried to be supportive and attentively listening to her sister’s troubles but her eyes kept flicking to the clock behind her on the wall of the cafe. 

15 minutes, she thought. 15 minutes and she’d get to see her baby again. 

“Are you even listening to me?” The scoff that emitted from Amelia’s lips had Y/n’s head snapping back towards her, a guilty look plastered on her face as she smiled innocently. The older sister narrowed her eyes knowing fully well the answer was ‘no’, but she equally knew that this time of the week was always the worst for the single mother of one. “Another weekend at Jay’s, huh?” 

Her sister’s tone wasn’t the warmest, her eyes rolling at the mention of the detective that had quite literally broken the little sister Amelia had once known. She’d never forget the screams and cries down the phone early in the morning, as Y/n blubbered through an explanation of how the man she’d meant to be marrying walked out to start what he claimed to be ‘his own life again’. Her sister instincts had coaxed her into wanting to go find the son of a bitch and feed her thoughts into his ear until he had to call the police - but Y/n fought her on the matter. She was torn apart, broken upon repair - granted - but Jay was still Jay to her. She didn’t want any harm coming his way, nor did she want their daughter to see her aunt hating on her dad. 

“Mhmm,” Y/n hummed, a small sigh breaking her lips apart as she took the final sip of her third cup of coffee. It didn’t feel right saying ‘Jay’s’, for it had been so long since their names had been broken. It was always ‘Jay and Y/n’, it was always suppose to be. “I tell you I count down the hours from the moment I drop her off on Friday, pathetic isn’t it?” It was selfish to admit - that’s why she only ever did so in her sister’s company - but she didn’t love sending Ruby off to Jay’s, despite them both coming to the agreement to do so. However back then Jay’s meant the father and daughter spending the weekend together, just them two. Now, though, that was no longer the case. 

“It isn’t pathetic, it’s just sad.” Amelia corrected, not doing the best to make Y/n feel better as she sunk deeper into her chair. Her hands rubbed at her eyes, not feeling quite alive as she should. “I take it that Hilary is still in the picture.” Once again the older woman rolled her eyes. Y/n smiled sadly, although tried to make it look as warm and friendly as possible.

“Her name’s Hailey and yeah, from what I hear from Ruby.” She shrugged, hoping that it somehow made her look far less interested than she was. In reality the thought of her ex-fiancee’s blonde coworker and now girlfriend cozying up with him and their daughter kept her awake at night. Upon hearing the news a full two and a half months after their breakup, Y/n thought that it was some kind of joke. Mainly because it had come from her daughter who’d mentioned something about ‘aunt Hailey sleeping in daddy’s bed’. She hadn’t been told from the horse’s mouth so to speak, or any of her so called friends that she shared with the man like Kim or Kevin. But after digging - which mostly included speaking to the firefighters in Molly’s - it turned out that it was very much the truth and Jay’s soul searching had ended with him in the bed of Hailey Upon, who - bare in mind - Jay had reassured Y/n was no more than a good friend for three years.

“Do you think it was all planned?” Amelia suddenly asked, as her face soured at the thoughts in her head. Y/n tilted her head in confusion, begging for her to continue whatever she was thinking. “Do you think they were having some sort of affair this whole time and she asked him to leave you? I mean, what kind of man leaves his fiancee and kid and then shacks up with someone new 2 months later?” Her words began to cause an unreachable itch to form in the back of Y/n’s mind, conjuring ideas that she hadn’t even been close to having in the months she’d been mourning her relationship. She’d always assumed that something was there between the two, but never would she think that Jay would go further than having some idle feelings - at least whilst she was still lying in bed besides him. 

“Why would you say that?” Y/n groaned, fingers raking through her hair in stress. Amelia spotted her mistake as the woman began zoning out, travelling to the depths of her thoughts to examine the plaguing suggestion made by her eldest sister. Sitting up straight, she reached out and grabbed Y/n’s hands.

“I’m sorry, that was just me being stupid.” She tried to reassure Y/n, thumb stroking her knuckles. “You know what I’m like, I think everyone is like George-.” 

“Do you think he ever loved me?” Y/n mumbled, eyes watery as she looked up at her sister who she hadn’t been listening to. Her hands shook off Amelia’s as she was stunned by the question. She sat there wide eyed not knowing how to restart her senses and provide Y/n with an answer that prevented the forecasted spiralling. For her to ask such a question, Amelia soon realised that the so called ‘healing’ she’d undergone was a lie. She was still as broken as the day they’d broken up. Which made sense since it hadn’t been that long, but knowing that Y/n had been keeping it hidden from everyone was sickening.

“I-I think so. I mean, yes of course he did. He must have.” Again severely unhelpful words of wisdom from her sister. Looking at the clock one final time, she realised she had to go. Standing up ,her chair scraped across the floor producing a teeth clenching noise, but she didn’t even flinch. Her lips mumbled something about talking to Amelia later, and suddenly she was out the door. He must have loved her once upon a time. Walking down the street, people had to go out of their way to avoid bumping into her semi-conscious self, searching for where she’d parked her car. Did he love Hailey more?

Shaking her head when she sat in the front seat, hands gripping the wheel, Y/n knew she couldn’t be in such a state with her daughter around. She didn’t want Ruby to worry about her, not now, not ever. The aftermath of the breakup had made her realise just how much she desired never to let her daughter catch wind of the chaos occurring behind her eyes. Telling her baby that her dad would no longer be living with them without hinting that she was internally shattered was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. Rightly so, Ruby had been upset, but came around to the idea upon realising her dad would still be around. So as far as Y/n was concerned, that was the only pain Ruby would have to endure when it came to her and Jay. She would never breath a word of what happened between them no matter how old Ruby became. Getting rid of enough fog in her mind that she felt it was safe to start driving, Y/n started the engine and switched the radio on, turning it up loud enough not to give her thoughts a chance to deafen her. 

When she pulled up outside of Jay’s newly rented house, she sat in her car for a moment, doing some last minute preparations. Taking deep breaths, she practiced in the mirror how she would smile when that door opened and revealed Jay or Hailey. It didn’t feel right, but it was what had to be done. After he’d moved on so quickly, there wasn’t much room for her to still be holding on to their relationship. She didn’t want them knowing that she was still such a mess, the thought made her violently nauseous. A loud knock on the passenger window sent her jumping in her seat, slapping the sun visor shut as she turned with wide eyes spotting the smile sporting detective waving at her through the closed window. Fuck sake, she thought waving back with a flavourless smile. 

Getting out of the car, she didn’t even make it around the car before he was calling out for her. 

“Ruby won’t be long, Hailey is just helping get her things.” Jay spoke softly, like he knew that he was dealing with an active explosive. To the mother, it felt a little too degrading like he thought she was weak and fragile, she didn’t like it. Nodding her head, she reaching the sidewalk, standing a good 2 metres away from the man that she once couldn’t bare being 2 inches away from. Clearing her throat only seemed to make the silence between them more awkward. Y/n was playing with her fingers, picking away the old nail polish wishing her daughter - who was no better than herself - would hurry up and save her from having to endure any more of this torture. 

“We had kind of a big lunch, so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want much tonight.” Jay offered, glancing over at the woman that for once in her life looked timid. Her skin seemed paler than it normally did, her body was held up without the usual confidence and power that she would usually carry. His fingers prickled to go reach out to her, to run them along her cheek and see if they still made them light up with delight. But he rejected them quickly, stuffing them into his trouser pockets as they both waited for the little girl that they shared. 

“Okay.” She nodded, looking up letting her hands fall to her sides, leaning back against her parked car. The silence returned and the man wondered if this was the time for him to tell her. His senses became instantly more aware of the cold metal that currently rested on his finger. When was the right time to break it to your ex that you- before Jay could finish his thought Ruby’s voice came booming out of the house. 

“Mommy, Mommy!” Her little feet tapped against the porch in her trainers as she came running down the stairs recklessly and jumped into her mother’s arms. The detective watched how just the sight of Ruby sent life shooting through Y/n’s face once again, her body crouching to catch the girl. Spinning around listening to her squeals, Jay couldn’t hide the grin on his face at the reunion. His eyes instinctively moved back to the porch where Hailey was awkwardly stood with Ruby’s backpack in hand and a posture keeping her from moving forward. Frowning, the blonde caught the man’s eye and mouthed ‘have you told her yet?’, to which he shook his head.

“Oh my- have you gotten bigger? I think you’ve gotten bigger.” Y/n grinned, poking the small dimples that marked both of Ruby’s cheeks. The girl was happy about the comment, squealing in delight as her mom returned her feet to rest back on the pavement, although her hand stuck with Y/n’s. The sensation was not one that the woman could put into words, she just wished it would never end. 

“Um, Y/n do you think we could have a word?” Jay asked appearing besides them both this time with Ruby’s backpack. Taking it warily, the woman looked towards him in confusion. They only ever talked about Ruby, and that was over text. When they did speak in person it was… painful. So why would he voluntarily put both of them through it? She wondered, eyes narrowing as she switched her gaze over to a cowering Hailey. 

“Are you going to tell Mommy about you two getting married?” And just like that the entire plan that Jay had derived in his head was ruined by the words of his three year old, grinning daughter. Y/n’s hand immediately released the bag, whilst the other clutched onto Ruby tighter. Her lips parting as a heartbreaking breath fell out, and the world collapsed beneath her feet. Married? She choked on the word even in her mind. They got married? Needing confirmation that what Ruby spoke was true, Y/n eyes flew to both of their hands where - sure enough - she found both of them sporting identical bands on their fingers. No, no, no, no, no. She couldn’t breath, her chest was being squeezed so tightly she was sure that the soul was being pulled out of her body through her mouth. 

“We need to go.” She insisted, lips moving quickly but her mind wasn’t processing anything. It was like she was going into shut down and there was no way to stop it. Leaning down, Y/n grabbed the Paw Patrol bag back up and gently guided Ruby towards the back seat and into her car seat. Watching the way the woman’s hands shook as she opened the door and the sound of her breaths rough and uneasy, Jay didn’t know what to do. Hailey’s face was drowned in guilt as he gestured for her to go inside and that he would handle this. This was his mess, it was his responsibility. 

“Y/n.” He spoke, when she’d closed the door and was trying to get passed him to get in her own seat, but he was there - every way she went he was always there blocking her. 

“Move.” She ordered, voice low not wanting the toddler in the car to hear the way her voice was an open warning for what was to come if he didn’t obey. Grabbing a hold of her hands, Jay ignored her - typical. Trying to shake him off, he wouldn’t loosen his grip. Just like his scent around the house, no matter how many sheets she washed, how hard she scrubbed he just wouldn’t leave her alone. He was always there, taunting her. 

“We should talk about this. I have so much to explain.” She scoffed in his face. 

“Explain? Fucking hell, don’t you think it’s a little late for that?” The humourless laugh that escaped her chest was like a bullet that soured right into Jay’s heart. His defences were hopeless, as they always had been when it came to Y/n. Even though they weren’t in a romantic relationship anymore, didn’t mean he’d completely erased her from his life. What she did to him wasn’t something that went away, she was forever a weakness to him. “Now maybe you should go back in and join your wife because we are going home.” Shaking one last time, Jay’s hand fell from her wrists and she finally got into the car and was sailing down the road away from the newlyweds with a freshly broken heart. 

“Mommy?” Ruby called out with a weak voice. Looking into the mirror at where she was watching her, Y/n nodded with a small gentle smile as her eyes lit up with tears. “Are you okay?” Her concern was written all over her face, clearly not understanding the nuclear bomb she’d let slip moments before. Shaking her head, Y/n blinked away the majority of the tears.

“I’m okay, baby, Don’t you worry.” Lies.

—

“Married? He fucking married her?” Amelia yelled into Y/n’s ear as she sat on the couch with a large glass of wine, having put Ruby to bed a couple hours prior. The large sips she was taking seemed to slowly be working at freeing up the tense muscled that embraced her entire body. This was certainly not her first glass of the dark red liquid, nor would it be her last if it all went to plan. The moment she she got a moment to herself she had to call her sister, needing to hear from someone else that the news was as crazy as it was making her feel. And without many friends, Amelia was first and only choice. “Oh you must be pissed.” The sound of her taking a large sip of her own glass of wine on the other end of the line made the younger sister smile dazed by the effects of the alcohol.

“I was engaged to him for three years and he couldn’t even commit to a flower arrangement. But now suddenly he’s in the ‘fuck it let’s get married’ mood? Hell yes I’m pissed.” She fumed, staring at the thick folder of wedding prep that was currently holding up one end of the coffee table after it broke a couple of months back. How much time she had wasted on that, for what? Knowing fully well that it was 99% her work too, other than the cake that Jay had once said ‘looked good’ and then ran out to go to work. How had she been so blind? 

“Did you even know they were engaged?” Amelia asked, wondering if she had missed that information somewhere between her George rants. However hearing Y/n’s grunt of disagreement she realised it was just her sister’s shitty ex being her sister’s shitty ex. Y/n shifted so her head was resting on the arm of the sofa, her eyes staring plainly up at the ceiling feeling hot tears drip slowly down the side of her face. Wiping them away furiously, she hated that she was feeling so sad. She’d prefer just to be angry, incredibly angry sounded great right about now. But her luck seemed non-existent at this point. “I’m so sorry. Y/n/n. You don’t deserve any of this.” 

Y/n was beginning to doubt that. She must have done something. Whether that was to Jay or just someone random she’d come across in life, which ultimately had fucked up her karma. Because how could she have been shot down over and over and over. She had to be getting punished for something. 

Just as she was about to open her mouth and say something, there was a soft but clear knock on her front door. Freezing, she sat up and placed her wine glass onto the coffee table. Amelia must have heard it too for she was soon asking who was coming around at this time, to which Y/n didn’t have an answer for her. She hadn’t invited anyone around. Promising to call her sister back, and Amelia making her promise not to get killed by a possible murderer at her front door, they hung up the call and Y/n approached the front door. Clicking the lock, Y/n hesitantly pulled at the large slab of wood and peered into the darkness of the night. Squinting at the dramatic change in light, Y/n was suddenly wishing that it had been a murderer as she noted the glum looking Jay Halstead on her doorstep. 

“Don’t tell me she’s kicked you out already. Or did you leave her? I know that’s more your style.” She snorted opening the door a little wider so he got to see her full body but not enough that he could sneak past her. Jay didn’t respond, knowing that the woman that was very clearly drunk needed to get this kind of stuff off her chest. She’d been crying, that was clear. It was sad that he knew the sight a little too well considering the end of their relationship where all she seemed to be doing was cry as Jay stressed about the unsettled war playing out inside of him. 

“Can I come in?” He asked, not pushing her knowing that he had no right asking such a thing. And by the way her face turned into a look of disgust, she felt the exact same. Shaking her head as she turned around clearly needing a moment, before turning around and pointing an accusing finger at the detective. 

“How dare you!” Even when buzzed with the alcohol units flowing through her veins, she was still aware of the sleeping girl in the house, keeping her voice low but sharp enough that the words cut into Jay’s chest. “You shouldn’t have come here. You’ve wasted your time, I don’t want to talk to you.” Turning around ready to go back into the house and drink another bottle of wine before passing out. But Jay had no intention of leaving things this way, he’d been sat thinking about her since she’d left earlier. Her face, her ridgid posture, her uneven breathing were playing like a never ending slideshow behind his eyes.

“What? So you are never going to speak to me again? Is that it?” His frustration surfaced, as he took a step forward grabbing ahold of her left wrist anchoring her in her spot. His touch that she once wanted to drown in, was now suffocating her silently. Turning to look at the way his large hand encircled her wrist sparked a similar frustration within her, her hand yanking back with force.

“You know what that doesn’t sound a terrible suggestion. I think I’m going to take you up on that offer.” She sassed, with a her lips pulling up into a disingenuous smile. Despite the darkness outside, the porch light allowed Jay to get a good look into the woman’s eyes and prejudge the demons that he would likely have to face the longer this conversation went on.  

“I know I hurt you-.” His tone softened in an attempt to sooth her, but if anything it riled her up. Who was he to talk to her like that? 

“You don’t know shit!” Throwing her hands in the air in frustration, Jay’s lips zipped shut. “I know you like to think you know everything but you don’t know the fucking half of it, Jay Halstead.” He watched as his name stung her tongue, her face contorting into a look of pain. It had been once been like a lungful of fresh air for the woman, something that would make her heart rate soar and eyes to soften. The name of her lover, her soulmate. But now it was just a reminder of all the pain she’d experienced over the last six months. 

“Then tell me. Let’s go in and talk about it.” 

“I told you that once you walked out you aren’t coming back in. I stand by that.” She stood strong in the doorway. Stubbornness was not a stranger to the woman, she stuck by her word, she wasn’t gonna bend just because of the beautiful green eyes begging her to. Maybe she would have considered it in the past, but she wasn’t letting him under her skin, she couldn’t.

“Oh come on.” Jay groaned, head falling back with his eyes shut, as his hands rubbed down his face. He was tired, it was one of the first things Y/n had picked out when she had gotten a good look at him. And whilst tiredness was an accessory Jay wore on a daily basis due to the nature of his job, this was different, this was exhaustion. The kind that could only be summoned by continuous nights of guilt keeping one awake and depriving them of peace. 

“No.” She shook her head finally. 

“Then- then can we sit on the porch. Talk out here at least?” Pointing towards the step of the porch, Y/n thought about it for a moment. Her bottom lip sucked in between her teeth as she stared between the man and where he was pointing. Did she really want to do this? Listen to him as he tried to rid himself of the blame in search of reassurance that he wasn’t the worst person in the world? “Please?” Jay’s eyes seemed to water, with the small light illuminating the tears that pooled in them. 

“Ten minutes. Maximum.” She mumbled, moving away from the door, shutting it behind her to stop the cold from entering. Plopping down onto the step, she watched as Jay’s body relaxed and relief flooded his insides. A small smile pricked his lips as he realised not all hope was lost, and he moved to take a seat next to the mother of his child. 

“I’ll take what I can get.” He mumbled, falling down besides her, their knees touching due to the limited space that the step provided them with. The contact was strange, Y/n had expected that she’d want to pull away and hiss at how it pained her, but instead she found the warmth of his touch like a siren calling her to back in. It took everything in her to ignore the ideas floating around, and instead turn her focus towards the rotting wood beneath her feet. There was a period of silence where neither of them knew who was going to start this whole ‘discussion’. When so much was left unsaid where did you begin? “I assume you have questions.” That was a given, Jay knew. He’d expected her to at least look at him, when this close to her she would never have looked anywhere else. Before it all went down at least.

“When did you get engaged?” She asked, chewing on the skin around her fingers not liking that all of this was happening and the buzz she’d been sporting had started to wear off. She needed the artificial confidence, she was relying on it right now to keep her sat next to the man she’d been avoiding talking to for months

“Same day we got married.” Y/n was slightly more content knowing that it hadn’t been a complete secret. If he had been hiding their engagement for a while and then gotten married maybe she’d be a little bit more mad. But the result was all the same. He’d gotten married and she wasn’t 100% sure she would know now, had it not been for her daughter that couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.

“Which was?” She pressed further, not liking how he seemed to be avoiding answering directly. 

“Last Tuesday.”

“I assume it wasn’t big get together?” She knew the answer. For Jay not to invite Ruby, it had to be something small. 

“Just me and her.” He responded.

“Intimiate. Cute.” Wanting to roll her eyes, she resisted the urge instead mumbling the words showing she couldn’t care less despite being the one to ask the question. However Jay didn’t hold anything back, his eyes flicking back quickly as his foot kicked a rock around.

“Don’t lie to me.” The order made Y/n look at him incredulously.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She snapped back. “Does everyone know?” 

“The unit know if that’s what you mean.” He confessed, realising he might be throwing all his friends under the bus but he didn’t entirely know the full extent yet. Nodding her head, Y/n’s gaze ran off as her thoughts consumed her mind. “The rings were kind of a give away.” Jay confessed, bringing the attention to what rested on his finger.

“Of course.” She should have known. It was all making a lot more sense. Y/n’s mind suddenly thought of her earlier conversation with her sister, and she couldn’t stop herself from searching for answers. “Were you seeing her whilst we were still together?”

“What? No. No, absolutely not.” Jay shook his head vigorously, lips parting in surprise. “Why would you even think that?”

“Six months ago I was engaged and now my fiancee is married to another woman. What do you mean why would I think that?” Incredible, she thought. She didn’t remember Jay being so… dumb. In the emotional sense at least. A few years back he could take a brief glance in her eyes and tell every thought she’d produced in the last 30 minutes. To him, she had been a book made for Kindergarteners. Now, she was written in a foreign language hidden on the top shelf of the bookcase that he simply couldn’t reach.

“Yeah but- that doesn’t have anything to do with us. I wouldn’t have done that to you, Y/n. I loved you, I still love you-.” Jay began, letting his tongue run away with him until a tut from Y/n’s mouth silenced him and his brain finally caught up with the sounds his mouth was making.

“No. We aren’t doing that. You don’t love me!” Shrugging him off, Y/n didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to know how everything would be okay, because he still cared for her. What was she meant to do with that? He was married now. He was most likely planning on starting a family with Hailey and he was leaving her to unravel at the thought that he still loved her? He was selfish. He was cruel. He would forever be her tormentor.

“Hailey and I just happened, after we broke up I was vulnerable. I needed her and she was there, it just felt natural being together. And I don’t want to be without her, getting married was the right choice for us.” The way he spoke was slow and soft, as though waiting for her to suddenly blow and everything around them to crumble into dust. He didn’t trust her to be calm about the situation, and rightfully so, Y/n could think of many words to describe how she was feeling and calm wasn’t in the top 1000. “I want to apologise. The way that I handled this whole thing was so wrong of me. I didn’t want to hurt you, I never did.” Jay confessed, but Y/n was having none of it. Shaking her head in amazement, sending him the fakest of grins.

“Do you even know what you are apologising for, Jay?” She didn’t know if she was angry, frustrated or just straight up sad. Everything was melting together in her head when their eyes met, he knew how she could get drawn in them when they were on her. Maybe that explained the look in them. Clearing her throat, Y/n realised this was her time to get everything off her chest. He was offering up the floor for it, she knew this was her one and only chance. “I lost everything. I lost my fiancé, my ideal happy family, I lost my friends. I haven’t heard from Kim, Kevin, Adam, any of them since we broke up. I thought they were our friends, but it turns out all these years I was just your plus one in the friend group. Do you know how alone I felt- feel? And then to find out when I was struggling to get out of bed, let alone feed myself and look after my daughter, you were out dating again? Getting engaged? Getting married? Fuck, if I didn’t have that little girl in there I don’t know where I would have ended up.”

“Don’t say that.” 

“You told me not to lie to you.” She bit back. “What we had, it was good wasn’t it? Like for the last six months I have been trying to pin point the moment you stopped loving me. And I know we had trouble towards the end and I didn’t fully bounce back after having Ruby but what did I do to make you stop loving me?” She rambled, arms crossing over her chest as she noted that the temperature had dropped massively since she’d been out earlier. 

“You didn’t do anything.” He rejected immediately, brows furrowing thinking that those thoughts ever passed her mind. They’d shared so many ‘I love yous’ over the years it was hard for him to comprehend that for even a second she would think he ever didn’t love her. Everyone they met always commented on the way they adored each other, Jay had been teased about it at work for years and had not let it bother him for he knew it was true. But this whole time Y/n had not? “I never stopped loving you, that was never the issue.”

“Then enlighten me, please.” She begged, eyes wide pleading for him to disclose something that would cool the scolding mark that irritated her mind every waking moment. 

“It was all me. You did nothing wrong.” Holding her face in his hands, his touch was gentle as he cupped her cheeks. Feeling the heat under them, he internally smiled knowing that despite the drastic changes she somewhere inside still was very much victim to his touch. A little reminder of the love that they had created and endured over their long term relationship. Y/n tried to pull away, not believing his take on ‘it’s not you it’s me’. However Jay seemed to hold on tighter, shaking his head. “I’m being serious. I don’t know what happened but I wasn’t happy with who I was anymore. I couldn’t settle in my own skin, I felt like I was trapped and I just needed out.” 

“So it wasn’t me,” Y/n sniffed, no longer ashamed to let the repressed sadness overflow onto her face. “I didn’t do anything wrong?” She questioned, feeling six months worth of confusion lift from her chest and shoulders. Hiding her face in her heads, she soon felt Jay wrap his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close with his forehead pressed against the side of her head where he let out a small breath of air, feeling his air ways tighten and eyes water. He’d let her suffer, simmer in the unknown all alone, he was a terrible person. God, he knew it. Seeing her break wasn’t a common sight, and that ripped through him over and over as he inhaled the same perfume she’d been wearing since they started dating.

“I couldn’t have asked to be loved by a better woman than you, Y/n Y/l/n,” He assured with a low voice, pressing is lips against the top of her head, lips lingering as he looked up to the stars and his tears began to stroll down his cheeks. “You are beautiful, inside and out. And I am sorry that for even a moment I ever treated you like you weren’t. But that’s on me, not you.” Pressing a second, then a third kiss on her head. The both just sat there crying whilst the man cradled the woman, knowing that he couldn’t let go of her just yet. Despite thinking about his wife sat at home waiting for him, he was instinctively pulled back to Y/n every time. 

“I didn’t think that there would ever be a time after you Jay. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do now.” Her admission was one the man hadn’t expected when the conversation first started. Gently moving her hair from her face to get a full look at her face, his bottom lip trembled with sadness knowing all the responsibility for it was his own. 

“You’ll find someone,” He nodded with a reassuring smile, although sadness was all that Y/n could see. “Someone far better than me who will treat you like you should have been treated. I promise you this world has a lot more to offer than what I was able to give you.” Both of them cracked the smallest smiles at one another, as it finally dawned on the pair that this was actually it. There had been a couple of fights that they had in the past that had lead them to having a short break, normally it was no longer than a week and it’d end with both of them apologising profusely and realising how stupid the entire ‘fight’ had been. However this time it felt far more permeant, for it was. Jay was married, it still didn’t feel right to admit but Y/n knew she couldn’t hide from the truth. There was no going back to how it was, never again. 

Taking his hands off his face, she kept them in her own looking down at them and stopping her gaze on the thick metal ring that was a constant reminder of the blonde that was back home waiting for him. Jay watched hesitantly, not sure what was happening as his hands were being comfortably held in a way only Y/n could hold them. It reminded him of the early days of their relationship, where they’d lay in bed late at night, her tucked in his sides and she would trace the patterns of her palms telling him what each like was and what it meant for his future. Sometimes he’d find it difficult to listen for the sight of her stole his attention every time. She was so beautiful, she still was. There was no other woman like Y/n Y/l/n he’d decided long ago.

“You should probably get back. She must be worried.” Y/n whispered, gently placing Jay’s hands back onto his knees. They both turned back to face the night and away form each other, neither of them making a move to get up or distance themselves. They knew this wasn’t ‘goodbye’, the little girl that was sound asleep in the house assured that much. They would be in one another’s life for the rest of time, perhaps why it was that much harder to process. They didn’t know how to me ‘Jay’ and ‘Y/n’ for they had always been ‘Jay and Y/n’. “I’m-,” Y/n broke the silence, stopping as she choked on her words. Eyes not moving from looking ahead, despite Jay turning to look at her again. “I’m happy that you are happy.” She finally got out, glancing over at him for a moment she flashed him a miniature sad but honest and genuine smile. “I’m happy that she makes you happy.”

And without giving time Jay to respond, Y/n was on her feet walking back towards the door. Giving him one final look from where he sat, she walked back inside wordlessly and locked the door behind her, Jay listening to the lock click shut. It was done, he decided, this was her goodbye.

[emiewritesthings]

Can we please get a part 2 for Ransom? Because that was way too funny for it to only be one part! 🤣

thank you so much, lovely!! excited to announce that part two of ransom is available now here. I'm so proud of this one, hope you guys love it!!!

[emiewritesthings]

ransom (pt 2) ☆ jay halstead

summary: in which y/n is rescued and jay has something to say.

warnings: language, guns, mentions of injury

a/n: I'm actually incredibly proud of this lmaooo. I love writing more light hearted pieces and am so happy so many of you loved the first part. many people requested a part two and hope you enjoy this also! - love emie <3

PART ONE

HOUR 2 OF 24

“Wait, guys. I’m getting a call, and it’s from Y/n’s number!” Kim immediately stood up, raising her phone in the air to show everyone the contact name flashing on her phone. Jay was soon by her side, desperate to hear Y/n’s voice once again. 

“Answer it then!” Adam insisted, grabbing the phone out of the woman’s hand and answering it, to release the growing anxiety from his body from the phone continuing to buzz. Placing it on the desk, the unit gathered around as the call was put on speaker. 

“Y-Y/n?” Kim called out, the fear clear in her voice which made her cringe at the sound of. There was rustling on the end of the line, and everyone waited anxiously for something to happen. “Y/n are you there?”

“Wait you want me to read that? Fucking hell which one of you idiots wrote this? I can barely make out what it says, it’s like a child wrote it.” Y/n’s giggles were caught by the microphone of the phone, and everyone seemed to relax at the sound. She still sounded as teasing as every, that was for sure. Jay felt the tightness in his chest release a little, feeling better knowing that she was indeed still alive. Adam’s previous comment about them shooting her had of course been an attempt at humour, but it seemed to strike up something in Jay that he hadn’t been able to disarm for the last 60 mins.

Noticing the Jay’s rigid posture, Kevin placed a hand on his shoulder, offering a comforting smile when he turned to look who it was. Jay nodded his head in appreciation, before turning back to the phone, wishing he could just be standing in front of Y/n instead of staring at a phone screen. Having not had her close in so long, his skin had began to sting as if in withdrawals. It was so painful, and Jay just wished they had a lead. 

There was some bustling and commotion on the other end of the line, which mostly sounded like Y/n squabbling about the note that they must have wanted her to relay. In a way it was a blessing as it gave Mouse enough time to set up his computers and devices to start tracing the call. 

“I’m just gonna wing it,” Y/n mumbled, clearing her throat in preparation. “Kimmy, you there?” 

“Yes!” Kim jumped a little too quickly, instantly regretting it as everyone looked up at her. For an experienced member of the unit, it was very rare to see her act so clumsily. “Y-Yeah, I’m here.” 

“Hey girl! Long time no speak, how you doing?” Kim frowned, eyes flicking over to Jay whose eyes were rolling at the laid back conversation his girlfriend was trying to start, despite most likely having a gun or three pointed at her head. Oh how she was going to get the scolding of her life, and then be held close to him at all times for he never wanted to be away from her ever again. 

“Uh, not great?” Kim hesitated. Y/n awed down the line, snapping at one of the abductors that clearly was not pleased with her side tracking. 

“Okay basically these fellas want you guys to know that tomorrow at 10am, you have to deliver the money to the lake at St James’ park. You know the one I bet Adam to jump in that time when we were drunk? Anyways, one of the guys will be there to collect the money and once they’ve confirmed the amount they’ll let me go. But, you know, of course if you don’t or you play games or whatever then I'll die, blah blah blah.” Y/n yawned, as she trailed off at the end not interested in what she was saying. “Did I miss anything, boys?” 

“Y/n-.” Jay went to speak up but before he could finish saying her name, the phone was hung up and the room was left in a painful silence. The frustration rose in Jay as he let out a painful groan that rumbled through his body viciously, walking away from the group and out of the unit. He didn’t want to be around anyone in that moment.

--

HOUR 5 OF 24

“So...” Y/n hummed pouting her lips out as she looking up at the ceiling, admiring the spots where water had damaged the plastering. “How long of you guys been, you know, kidnapping?” Sitting up straight once again, she looked around to see no one in the chatty mood. Only two of the three men were currently in the room, the grumpy older leader guy having left to take a call an hour ago.

There was a long painful silence as neither men planned on answering yet another dumb question shot their way. Both couldn’t comprehend how someone so... Y/n-like could ever be a detective or a police official in general. The urge to shoot her every time she opened her mouth couldn’t be something only they suffered with, they were sure of that. 

“I mean he's only young, you look like my little brother,” Y/n gestured to the scrawny young faced man that was unloading and reloading his gun over and over again. “He’s a little shit as well.” She grumbled.

--

HOUR 11 OF 24

“Have you lads ever thought of maybe sprousing this place up a little,” Y/n asked as she leant back in the wooden chair that she’d been bound to for nearly five days now. Her eyes zipped around the dark, cold cellar - or what she assumed was a cellar - that had become her temporary residence. “You know, maybe a ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ sign and some fairy lights would distract your guests from the pissy stench in here.” Looking around, Y/n could see how each syllable out her mouth grated on the souls of the three men that were slumped around the room, their guns still very much pointed in her direction, none of them able to predict her next move. 

“Please remind me why we can’t just shoot her?” One of the abductor looked towards the leader with a look of desperation that had come with listening to Y/n’s stories. She’d spared zero details when telling them about quite possibly every person she’d ever come into contact with. It seemed the more she talked the more they got annoyed, and that’s when they started making mistakes. Mistakes that Y/n knew could help her in the long run. 

“Because if we kill her, they won’t pay us the money. And if they don’t pay us the money then we might as well just hand ourselves in.” The man grumbled, leaning back to rest his head against the grey wall with a defeated sigh. 

“Holy shit,” Y/n suddenly sat up, catching all the men off guard as they took the safety off their weapons and pointed them aimed directly at her head. Y/n’s eyes were wide but not with fear of the imminent death she faced, but something - in her opinion - far more harrowing. “What time is it? What time is it?” Looking around frantically, this was the most panic any of the men had seen the woman in. The bald man looked down at the watch he was wearing. 

“Uh, 9:26pm.” He recited. 

“Fuck sake,” Y/n grumbled, kicking her legs against those of the metal chair in frustration, as her bottom lip poked out. “I hope you fellas are happy. I am missing The Kardashians for this shit.” All the men frowned, anger running through their veins upon realising they had been played once again. The leader of the pack of criminals kicked the wall behind him before storming off out of the cellar clearly needing a breather from the mind game Y/n had them trapped in. Whistling upon watching his reaction, Y/n turned to look at the two remaining men. “He’s such a Kourtney, right? I knew it as soon as I met him.”

The men rolled their eyes slumping back into their earlier positions, wishing to drown out the sound of Y/n’s voice, which after nearly a week with minimal liquids and constant chatter was hoarse and painful to listen to in moderation.

“Baldy has to be a Kim, there is no denying that great ass,” Winking in the man’s direction, the comparison was not appreciated but was not punished either. “And then obviously babyface is Kylie. Discuss amongst yourself of course, but I know I’m right.” 

“We really should have brought some fucking duck tape to shut this bitch up.” The bald man growled. 

“I never had you down as the kinky type.” Y/n hummed.

--

HOUR 19 OF 24

“Is that your boyfriend?” Y/n was starting to doze off when the baby faced abductor held up her phone and pointed towards the picture that decorated her background. 

She couldn’t help but smile seeing Jay’s face, even if it wasn’t in the flesh. It had been taken maybe a month ago when they were both drunk, Y/n’s hand had been squishing Jay’s cheeks together which looked incredibly adorable enough for Y/n to take about 300 photos of him until she found her favourite. Ever since it had been the first thing she’d see when picking up her phone, knowing it could make her feel 10 times better.

“The one and only.” Y/n confirmed with a slight nod of her head, feeling the exhaustion roll off her body at the mention of the handsome man that she imagined was equally pissed off at her as he was worried. She could picture the look on his face during the ransom video and the phone call, listening to her enjoying her time despite her life being at risk. But angry Jay was definitely in her top 5 favourite moods of her boyfriend. It sounded a little strange, but it was the truth.

“You are right he is hot,” The man hummed, admiring the picture before showing it to his bald counterpart that nodded in agreement. But his face was still cold, as he went back to counting his bullets. “How did you guys get together?”

“Seriously?” The other man asked, looking up to the younger man with an incredulous look. After all the hours they had been begging for the woman to be quiet and this moron was encouraging her to continue? Not to mention there was no need for any of them to know any more about the woman’s life than what she had already given up for free - which was a lot. 

“Do we really have anything better to do?” He snapped.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t wanna know too, baldy,” Y/n ignored the protests and began to reminisce. “I joined the unit like... 5 years ago? He was put with me on my first case with the team and you know he was this hot, don’t fuck with me, slightly older type of guy and I... well I don’t have a dad so perfect, you know?” Both men nodded. “So we started hooking up casually, and then like any friends with benefits situation we became overly attached to one another and started hooking up as boyfriend and girlfriend. Romantic, isn’t it?”

The two men looked at one another with wide eyes, but the woman didn’t notice for she was lost in a loving memory. A stable warm smile on her face as she thought about how young they had been and how far they had come.

--

HOUR 21 OF 24

“Knowing we only have a few hours left being with each other, I have a confession to make,” Y/n yawned, eyes closed as her head lulled back in a position that looked painful but was surprisingly comfortable. She could really go for a nap right now, but she refused to leave herself vulnerable. “I don’t really want to go back. I’ve got work on Monday and I can’t be fucked-. I really can’t be bothered. My boss is doing my absolute tits in at the moment.” Y/n groaned, thanking the man that held a glass of water to her lips. 

“How come?” Babyface asked, taking a seat on a couple of piled up boxes. His hands abandoning the gun besides him and instead focusing on lighting up a cigarette. Offering it towards Y/n, the kidnapped woman declined. 

“The man hates love!” She exclaimed, head looking up against and her eyes wide with passion. “He sees me and my boyfriend look at each other and suddenly we are being lectured about keeping it in our pants. It’s like you get caught shagging in the unit a few times and suddenly you are unprofessional. Crazy, right?” She scoffed, looking at her captor who hummed in agreement. 

Y/n wasn’t sure how it had got to this, but for the last couple of hours she had formed a friendship of sorts with one of the men - aka Baby face. It was the other two’s mistake to leave the man alone with her, a guy so young with clearly little to no experience at being the abductor in an abduction. Y/n almost felt sorry for him, wanting to give him pointers on how to come off more... intimidating. But instead chose to tell him more anecdotes about her life which the man seemed to eat up now unlike before. 

“You know I have this friend that I think you’d love. I mean she is a cop, but I’ve always been a fan of those enemy to lover tropes.” The man tilted his head, seeming slightly confused as to why she would ever want to set one of the people she cared about with a man that had helped in keeping her hostage. “Kim could do with a bad boy, spice up her life a little you know?”

“You are insane.” Baby face chuckled, and Y/n simply grinned. 

“You have no idea.”

--

HOUR 24 OF 24 

When the boss came stomping back into the room, Y/n nearly fell straight to the floor. Her body jumping up from where she had been semi-napping, along with the two men that had also been sleeping against the wall. The two men shot to their feet, not wanting to let the man that was twirling his gun around like a toy that they had been relaxing. 

“It’s time.” He growled, looking at both of his coworkers with a knowing look. Y/n’s head was a little fuzzy from the lack of sleep and slight food deprivation, so much so that she struggled to work out what was going on. “Terry, you should go meet them at the park.”

“T-Terry, huh?” Y/n smirked, looking at the bald man. “You look like a Terry, Terry.” She confirmed, watching as he rolled his eyes and stood up, and walked over to the man, exchanging his large gun for a smaller hand gun. 

“And remember when you have the money text the secret code.”

“I know the plan, Dave.” Suddenly Y/n burst out into laughter, so much so the chair beneath her began shaking.

“Your name is Dave? Stop. Stop it, I’m gonna pee.” She insisted, tears in the corner of her eyes which cleared some of the dirk from her face as they fell down her cheeks. The youngest man that was in the corner had to cover his mouth to stop himself from exposing his entertainment at the woman’s attitude.

“Just go.” And just like that Terry left with laughter following him out. As Y/n began to cool down, she suddenly noticed Dave standing over her, a wicked look in his eyes. “For the mean time, I think we could all do a little break from you,” frowning in confusion, suddenly the butt of the man’s gun came down onto the woman’s head knocking her out cold in seconds. “Ah, silence. Why didn’t we do that days ago?”

--

2.5 HOURS SINCE DROP OFF

“Where the fuck is he?” Y/n had been enjoying the inside of her mind, when the sound of Dave’s voice began to send it crumbling back into reality. Wanting to let out a groan as the throbbing in her head became more apparent, she repressed it wondering what the men were saying whilst they thought she was passed out. “It’s 6pm, he should have texted us by now.”

“Maybe he hasn’t got signal?” Baby face offered, his voice wavering showing his internal fear clearly in his tone. But something told Y/n it wasn’t Terry he was worried about. 

“Come on, Billy.” The older man scolded. “He hasn’t texted because clearly they’ve got to him.” Paranoia laced his voice so much so it coaxed Y/n’s eyes opened to watch as the man’s face began scrunching up in thought. His feet slapping against the floor as he paced back and fourth. “You know what that means, right? We gotta get rid of her, now.”

Shit, Y/n thought fidgeting in her seat wanting to rip herself free of all the ropes but knowing she had no such strength when she was health and not held for nearly 5 days, let alone in her current condition. 

“Let’s not be too hasty-.” Billy tried to reason with him, his eyes flicking to Y/n His shoulders relaxed ever so slightly upon realising that she wasn’t dead like he had previously thought the last three times he’d checked her pulse. 

“Hasty? Hasty?” Dave roared, grabbing the young man by the collar of his shirt. “Do you want to go to prison, kid? ‘Cause that’a where we’ll end up if we stay here and wait for them to come and get us. We gotta get rid of the hostage and get our asses on the next plane out of here.” 

“C-Can’t we just let her go?” Billy offered, and it was then that Y/n’s concussed brain put together the obvious clues that the kidnapper was worried... about her? Maybe they were friends after all. 

“Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?” Dave let Billy go and threw his arms in the air, as the sarcasm flowed out his mouth. “I mean she only knows our names and our faces. Wow, why didn’t I think of just ‘letting her go’?” 

“Aww,” Y/n cooed croakily, grabbing both of the men’s attention. Dave seemed alarmed and frustrated having been thrown back into the game he never thought he’d have to play with their hostage. “You two are like a married couple, it’s so cute.” 

“That’s it.” Dave grabbed his gun and came marching up to Y/n’s side, taking off the safety he pressed it to Y/n’s temple. His teeth were clamped together, bared towards the woman who simply smirked up at him with a calm look upon her face. The man seemed to be hoping for a bigger reaction as his face reddened in anger. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m going to kill you.”

“Bring. It. On.” Y/n squinted, staring the man straight in the face, silently threatening him to go ahead with his plan. She could feel his hand shaking, with the gun pushing deeper into her temple. 

“No!” Billy called out, and suddenly the gun Dave carried was turned and shot out towards the young guy. Y/n watched in silent horror as the bullet split through the air and collided with Billy’s leg, sending him hurdling back into a stack of boxes. The man cries were haunting, echoing around the cellar. 

The gun soon returned against Y/n’s head, but her eyes didn’t even glance back at Dave. Her eyes were glazed over in numbness as she watched the man she’d grown to like - all things considered - rolling around on the floor. 

“Any last words?” Dave whispered into her ear. 

“Nah I’m good,” Y/n shrugged, “Fire away, David.” 

Not saying anything else, Y/n shut her eyes and prepared for the impact. She focused on the sound of Billy’s shaky breath and whimpers, and just as she thought the blast was coming there was a sudden crash. 

“Chicago PD, put your hands up!” Kevin yelled as him, Kim, Adam and a bunch of other officers came running down the stairs and through the metal door. Their large guns pointed towards Dave and the bleeding Billy whose hands were instantly in the air, bloody from where they’d been pressed against his wound. 

“Drop the weapon and put your hands up!” Kevin ordered once more as Dave seemed to be conflicted, with his gun slipping against Y/n’s skin. The woman whose eyes were now open and wide, felt all the adrenaline that she’d been surviving off since she had been taken disappear as her rescuers entered the room. “I won’t warn you again, we will shoot.” And suddenly the weapon was being placed on the floor and Dave slowly raised his hands. 

“Y/n!” Kim yelled, rounding the men that tackled Dave to the floor and the other officers going to detain and assist with Billy. Kim crouched down in front of the woman who instantly grinned at the sight of her best friend, whose fingers were fiddling with her restraints. 

“Kimmy,” She slurred, eyes blinking slowly as she let her body sway woozily. “I knew you’d find me.” As the tightness around her limps subsided, Y/n’s consciousness began to slip away from the ropes. 

“Hey, hey stay awake.” Kim lightly tapped her cheeks, trying to avoid the bruises that looked to be beginning to heal. “Someone call Halstead and an ambulance!” Was the last thing Y/n heard as the light disappeared completely. 

“Jay...”

--

Jay’s boots squeaked against the hospital flooring as he ran through the entrance of the ER. His head nearly turned 180 degrees as he searched for someone to ask about the location of his girlfriend. Ever since he’d got called out of the interrogation room with one of the abductors to be told that Y/n was found and had been rushed to hospital, his body felt ten times heavier than usual. 

“Jay!” Spotting Adam with blood covering his hands, Jay felt his heart stopped beating, as he froze. Every muscle in his body froze, his eyes hyper focused on the red stains. “Hey-,” Adam noticed his wayward eyes and followed their faze to his hands, and instantly shut down his nightmares. “It’s alright, it’s alright this isn’t her blood. Did you hear me? This isn’t Y/n’s blood, it’s one of the abductors.”

Jay’s hands instantly went to his hair, running through the dark strands that were damp from the rain during his run from where he’d parked to the hospital. Taking a deep breath, he was reunited with the beating of his heart as he followed Adam through the halls in the direction of his girlfriend’s room. 

“Is she... okay?” The man asked quietly, looking over at his close friend. His eyes lit up with fears, as he wiped away the sweat from his forehead and wiped it on his trousers. Adam hesitated, humming in agreement. 

“Okay as she usually is. The doctors recon she’s in shock, but I’ve been telling them that’s just who she is.” Adam snorted, wrapping his arm around Jay’s shoulders in a comforting hug of sorts. Jay let out a small smile at the thought of Y/n chatting like she loved to do, but then remembered how she ended up in the hospital and what he had seen during the ransom video yesterday.

Just as he was about to say something, the two of them heard a chorus of laughter from a room they were approaching. One of the main contributors being a sound that they’d grown to love. Looking towards Adam, the man seemed to be equally confused as it was definitely not the room he’d visited Y/n in earlier. Both men sped up and pushed the slightly closed door open wider.

“... I saw myself in the reflection of that camera and I said ‘If I look that fat, just shoot me already’!” Y/n joked, as she leant back in the wheelchair with bandages wrapped around her head, along with both her wrists and ankles. However instead of being sat at the side of her own bed, instead she was by the side of the shot kidnapper, surrounded by the officers that were suppose to be guarding the room but were instead laughing at Y/n’s anecdote. 

“What th- What are you doing in here?” Jay fumed, taking a step forward away from Adam and into the room to expose everyone to his presence. The man that was laying down, cuffed to the hospital bed, jumped in surprise, whilst the officers had a look of guilt on their face. Y/n didn’t seem bothered at all though, throwing her arms up in the air in excitement at the sight of her boyfriend but cursing when feeling the pain shoot around her body. 

“Baby!” She cheered, smiling innocently noting the crossed arms and grumpy look on Jay’s face as he had his eyes focused on her. The tension was suffocating, an environment that Y/n didn’t exactly thrive in.

“Wow, you were right,” Billy glanced over to Y/n. “He is even hotter in person.” Jay grumbled incoherently at the comment, eyes narrowing at the man that she was half tempted to shoot in his other leg for being a contributing factor in the injuries his girlfriend was sporting and the separation they’d been forced to experience due to him taking her away from him. 

“Baby,” Y/n hummed, putting extra effort into fluttering her eyelashes in hopes of tricking him into not being mad at her. “This is Billy, Billy meet Jay. Billy and I became friends after he stopped pointing his gun at me every time I breathed.” Y/n smiled, patting Billy’s hand. And suddenly Jay couldn’t take it anymore, rounding the bed, his hands gripped the handles of Y/n’s wheelchair. 

“If you guys let her a metre within this room again you can say goodbye to your badges.” Jay growled, not sparing Billy another look as he pushed Y/n out of the room despite her protests. Passing Adam, the man didn’t bother following them, figuring they definitely needed ‘couple time’ to talk about... whatever that was. 

“Jay.” She whined, her head lulling back to look up at the grumpy face staring straight ahead with that fiery look in any other circumstances he’d find incredibly hot. 

“Don’t ‘Jay’ me.” Even though it was very clear she was about to receive the telling off of her life, Y/n was glad that she got to at least be scolded with him there with her. The feeling of him being in her presence was a pain killer no hospital could ever prescribe. Noticing her gushy eyes sparkling up at him, he had to repress his smile and focus on his overwhelming frustration. 

Arriving at her room, Jay assisted Y/n back into bed in silence. Placing a blanket over her legs, he pulled a chair up to the side of her bed but didn’t sit, instead moving to stand at the end of her bed with a frown and narrowed eyes. Opening his mouth, Y/n raised her bandaged hand and stopped him. 

“I know what you are going to say-.” 

“You do, do you?” Jay scoffed, shaking his head as he moved his eyes to look anywhere else afraid he’d crack if he kept admiring her face like he was. Y/n hummed, letting out a small yawn as she cozied down into the comfort of her bed. 

“You say ‘I can’t believe how reckless you have been. Do you know what could have happened to you?’” Her eyebrows knitted together like Jay’s already was. “And then normally it’s something along the lines of ‘You can’t keep running your mouth off at people with guns’. Then we have hot angry sex, we both start feeling bad that I've upset you and you’ve shouted at me and then we have phenomenal make up sex. Was I right?” Raising her eyebrow, the couple stared at each other in silence as it became more apparent that she’d hit the nail on the head. “I rest my case.” 

Jay stayed silent for moment. 

“I can’t believe how reckless you have been!” Jay yelled, throwing his hands in the air, causing Y/n to laugh at the fact she’d been correct. She watched as Jay walked back and forth, hands pulling at his hair. “You could have been killed? You know that, I know you know that. Why would you- Why would you think sassing dangerous men with guns was the right approach?” 

“I wasn’t sassing dangerous men with guns,” she shook her head. “I was sassing Dave, Terry and Billy who happened to have guns, they weren’t going to shoot me.” She insisted, making Jay stand there and stare at her in disbelief at how unbothered she was being. 

“You had a gun against your head when the team arrived!” 

“Dave’s a pussy, he would never have done it.” She snorted, picking at the grapes sat on her table that Kim had brought for her. Jay wanted to shake some sense into the beautiful woman that he would literally die for. 

“He literally shot that Billy guy.” Looking at Y/n for some kind of explanation, the woman just chewed her grape with a thoughtful look on her face. 

“Hmm, you got me there.” She agreed, wagging her pointer finger of her non-bandaged hand in the direction of her boyfriend. Grabbing the bowl of grapes, she extended it towards Jay. “Grape?” 

“I don’t want a grape, Y/n,” Jay spoke quietly, abandoning his place at the end of the bed and collapsing into the bedside chair. His eyes covered by his hands. “I want my girlfriend to understand that she isn’t invincible and that- that I could have lost her today but she doesn’t seem bothered.”

There was no way to hide away form the guilt anymore. Y/n looked over at way and felt her eyes begin to water as she realised that her attempt at keeping everyone feeling light was hurting the one she loved the most. Carefully, Y/n reached out her hand towards Jay who was slightly too far for her to reach. Just as she went to pull back, Jay must have noticed for he grabbed her hand between both of his. 

“I'm sorry.” Her bottom lip trembled, as her eyes watered. Jay quite literally watched as for what felt like the first time in the years he’d known the woman, the what ifs of the situation fell onto her like a ton of bricks. “I’m so sorry, Jay.” Standing up from his seat, Jay released her hand and moved to wrap his arms around Y/n in a firm loving hug. 

“I didn’t want to upset you,” He insisted. “I just- I love you so much, Y/n. And I love that you are so funny and charismatic,” Pulling back, Jay’s finger ran down the side of Y/n’s face, smiling as he admired her face up close for the first time in a while. He wondered every day for the last 4 and a bit years how he had ever been so lucky as to know, let alone love, a woman like Y/n. “But sometimes you just need to realise that you aren’t untouchable, you know? And- I don’t want to live in a world without you.” 

Leaning into Jay’s touch, Y/n nodded placing her hand over where Jay’s rested now on the side of her face. Closing her eyes, she focused on the warmth emitting from his palm onto her skin. Opening her eyes once again, she glanced up at Jay in the eyes before flicking her gaze down to her lips. 

“I love you too, baby.” She whispered, before she moved her hand behind his head and lead her head down until their lips were pressed against his. If she was being honest the moment she’d woken up in hospital, she had forced Kim to go and buy her a pack of gum which she chewed all off in preparation for this very moment.

Pulling away, both of them grinned when Jay leaned back and pecked her lips again and again and again. Y/n began to giggle at the feeling of his lips repeatedly tapping her’s, Jay attempting to make up for all the kisses that he had missed during their unplanned time apart. 

“Not to ruin the mood, but I’m kind of missing the angry sex part of this scolding.” Y/n mumbled smirking as Jay started to chuckle, still leant in front of his girlfriend, with now both of Y/n’s hands hooked around the back of the man’s neck. 

“Well when you get out of here, I’ll pretend to be pissed again and we can finish this the proper way.” The smirk that the man produced was beautiful, Y/n wished she could take a thousand pictures of it. Nodding repeatedly, the woman felt the excitement make her body buzz. “Now you get some sleep, I’ll be right here.” Returning to his seat, Jay pulled his chair even closer, enough to hold her hand from where he was sat.

Closing her eyes, and leaning deeper into her pillow, Y/n welcomed the backlog of sleep she needed to catch up on. Just before she fully submerged into the pool of unconsciousness, she was reminded of something she needed to tell Jay. 

“Oh and just so you know,” Y/n muttered, words breathy with tiredness. “I may or may not have promised Billy that he could come stay with us once he’s out of prison.” Jay’s smile dropped, whilst Y/n gripped his hand tighter. “I love you.”

[emiewritesthings]

ransom (pt1) ☆ jay halstead

Summary: In which Y/n is kidnapped and the unit receive an atypical ransom video

warnings: language

authors note: this was just a short funny imagine inspired from the tik tok @/billy978 that’s been in my drafts for a while now. hope you enjoy!

PART TWO

“Wait, I think the kidnappers just sent us a video.” Mouse mumbled as his fingers continued to violently slap against his laptop’s keyboard, tongue slightly poked out in concentration. Jay was the first to immediately jump for him to play it. His hands gripping the back of his best friend’s chair as Kevin pulled the monitor to the front of the group that had formed upon hearing the news. They all were insanely worried for the missing member of their team, although they had been working on it so hard they had had little time to let themselves break down quite yet.

“Play it.” Voight instructed. Understanding the order, Mouse nodded his head before clicking on something and suddenly they were all met with a bloody and bruised Y/n on the bigger screen. Jay heard Kim besides him take a quick intake of breath, noticing that her best friend’s condition wasn’t the best. Mouse pressed another button and suddenly the video was playing.

“Hello my name is Y/n and I have been kidnapped- Can you stop pointing that fucking gun at me? You are making me nervous!” Y/n snapped, her eyes darting to the left where an assumed kidnapper was standing. The entire room seemed to freeze as their expectations of seeing an emotionally defeated Y/n was abandoned, as they watched the woman that had been through hell and back shouting at her captors. Jay could read Y/n like a book for kindergarteners, and whilst he had first thought maybe it was the adrenaline talking or a plan to hide her fear, he detected that Y/n was in no such state.

“To ensure my safe return home please pay us one million d- one million dollars? Is that it? Is that what you think I’m worth? I’m not having that…” She mumbled, glaring at the man that stood to her right before directing her eyes back to the camera and smiling. “To ensure my safe return please pay us five hundred million dollars… that’s more like it.”

Adam was soon doubled over in laughter causing the video to be paused as he tried to control his amusement. The unit all looked at one another, as they tried to decode what exactly they were looking at.

“Is she trying to get killed?” Kevin asked, looking more at Jay to answer the question knowing he knew the endangered woman more than anyone in the room. Running his hands over his face, Jay let out a sigh, unsure whether he should be angry or amused at his girlfriend’s behaviour.

“Knowing Y/n…” He started, thinking about his answer carefully. “Probably.” Kim hummed in agreement knowing how the woman enjoyed getting under criminals’ skin, although she’d never imagined she’d do such a thing in this kind of situation.

“Let’s keep watching.” Voight mumbled. Heads turned back to the video as it resumed.

“Honestly this place is such a shit hole. You fellas have money for all these fancy big guns, but can’t afford a vacuum, huh?” Tilting her head, mocking the large men that stood around her with their guns pointed at her, the woman quite literally smirked, not afraid of them or their weapons. “Well you don’t happen to have a hairbrush do you, don’t worry I am not talking to you, baldy,” Winking at the third and final man, Y/n looked to who she assumed was the leader. “Maybe some lip gloss or mascara? You see my boyfriend - you know the hot detective I was telling you fellas about - is going to watch this ransom video and I’d prefer not to look like utter shit.” Leaning forward, she seemed to use what little reflection she could make out in the lens of the camera as a mirror, attempting to flatten her hair and get rid of some dirt from her face.

“Holy sh- She’s insane.” Kim whispered towards Jay, who couldn’t take his eyes off the screen but nodded his head in agreement. As crazy as she may be, he still loved her all the same. Jay felt a small smile try to surface, but he pushed it down upon realizing it probably wasn’t the right time when everyone seemed worried or deeply concerned for Y/n’s wellbeing.

“You have 24 hours to make this payment or else I die- Wait, what? Fuck off. Are you guys taking the piss?” Looking around, not seeing any humour or amusement on any of the men’s faces, Y/n’s narrowed eyes relaxed along with her body in the chair she was aggressively tied to. “Wow.” She breathed out, still not appearing to be bothered by the way this was escalating. “And to think I thought we were becoming fr-.” The video soon cut off and went to just a black screen signaling the end of the video.

The unit stood there in silence for what felt like a good five minutes trying to process what they had just watched. Voight's face seemed stoic as always, whilst Adam and Kevin were arguing which was the funniest part - which had to be a first in ransom video history.

“Mouse, I want you to analyse every second of the video. See if there are any clues to where they are keeping her.” Voight pointed at the man that nodded in obedience, before the sergeant moved to look at the rest of his subordinates. “The rest of you, keep working. I don’t want anyone leaving until we’ve located her. Okay?” Everyone nodded.

Voight disappeared back in to his office, as the rest of them returned to their desks aware that as amusing as the video had been, one of their own was still out there somewhere in imminent danger. 

“I bet 20 bucks she gets shot before the 24 hours is up.” Adam spoke up after a good ten minutes of silence. His eyes pin balling around the room to see Kevin, Kim and Jay sat in silence watching him with incredulous eyes.

“Bro.” Kevin scolded. 

“It’s what we are all thinking!” Adam argued, but everyone had busied themselves again. Leaving the grown man to grumble as he fell back into his chair.

[emiewritesthings]

I love love your writing! Keep it up! 🤍

you have no idea how much this means to me. thank you sm 🥺🤍

[emiewritesthings]

inspiration needed!!!

i could really do with some ideas for my next jay halstead imagine!!

if anyone has any ideas/prompts/etc please send them my way thank you!!!

[emiewritesthings]

you are an incredible writer 😍 loving all these jay halstead fics 🙌🏻

thank you so much my love 🥺🤍

[emiewritesthings]

Can I request when the reader gets her period during Valentine’s Day with jay Halstead you can decide what happens :)

I honestly have no idea how long this request has been in my inbox, so I'm sorry about the delay!! but just uploaded sweet valentine now!

[emiewritesthings]

omg are you back!!! ❤️

for the time being yes!!!

like I said in my last post I started uni in September which has really been testing my mental health and limited my free time. I love the community I have on here and would like to apologise for how bad I have been at uploading.

thank you all for the support you have given me on what I hope is my return for the near future!!

[emiewritesthings]

sweet valentine ✩ jay halstead

summary: in which y/n and jay's first Valentine's Day is interrupted by an uninvited guest

requested: yessssss!!!

Can I request when the reader gets her period during Valentine’s Day with jay Halstead you can decide what happens :)

"god, are you sure I don't look like a douche? I feel like a douche." jay stressed as he pulled at the collar of his shirt once again. he was stood in front of the long mirror that seemed to point out flaws he wasn't aware of until this moment. so caught up in looking perfect, he didn't even look at his brother who was almost tempted to throttle his little brother for being so needy.

"it's Valentine's Day, isn't that the point?" will murmured, completely exhausted from his shift that he had planned to sleep off until jay appeared at his front door in a state. yawning, his eyes were closed a little too long, missing the glare that was sent his way from the stressed out man.

"not helping." satisfied with how the black shirt was now sitting, jay fumbled with his aftershave, before grabbing ahold of the red roses he had bought for an extortionate rate. but it was all worth it for her. "why am I even doing this? do you know the last time I did anything for valentine's? never."

"because you, my brother, are in love." will hummed, to which jay simply scoffed - thought he would never say he was wrong. running his hands through his hair, he remembered the look of pure joy when she had turned over in bed and asked what their plans were for the so called holiday of love. it was their first one together, at least together together and whilst jay wasn't really the valentine's kind of guy he was willing to make an exception to preserve that look other face for a little longer.

"love really does make you crazy, huh?"

will chuckled as he watched the downwards spiral a day that his brother had once labelled a 'capitalism scam' was sending him down. he must really love her, he thought a small warmth spreading in his chest at the thought of jay finally finding his happy ever after, especially in a girl like y/n y/l/n. granted jay's life wasn't simple, he was the strong, stoic ex-ranger now detective that refused to acknowledge anything bothered him. but she melted that all away, softened him, which had him here stressing over something as little as what flowers she would like and what colour shirt he was wearing

"listen," will began, pushing himself up to walk over and stand shoulder to shoulder with a panicked jay. their eyes meeting as they both gazed into the mirror, the older smirking whilst the other frowned. "you finally found someone good, someone good for you. you deserve this jay... now get out of my house."

both brothers chuckled as the stress fell and jay was exposed to how irrational he had been for the last 90 minutes. patting his brother's shoulder as he passed, will wished him luck before he disappeared out of the door on his way to his girl that he did - and would continue to do - anything for.

--

the moment after knocking on the familiar front door, jay's heart began to pick up speed. his mind switched setting, making him hyperaware of everything. fear of his shirt being crooked, his hair being out of place or a piece of food in his teeth was replaying and replaying through his mind, making him shift uncomfortably.

who was he fooling? jay knew he could try all he liked but will was wrong, he didn't deserve someone as loving as y/n. she was so effortlessly beautiful and elegant, she spoke softly and lovingly and was not afraid to laugh out loud to bless everyone around her with the sound of her laughter. the day that she had spoken to him for the first time, he thought it had been some sort of joke. even adam joked that she was way out of his league, but jay knew that it held some truth.

for a moment jay considered walking away and going home, not wanting to subject y/n to his pathetic attempt at being mr loverly. that was until the door came swinging open to reveal the very same woman that he had tattooed behind his eyes stood in sweat pants and a hoodie, wrapped in a thick blanket with a deep frown set on her perfect face.

jay's heart stopped completely, his hand almost losing its grip on the flowers. watching as her bottom lip shook, tear filled her eyes.

"I'm sorry." was all she said before jay broke through his initial shock and came walking past the threshold, shutting the door behind him, to embrace the one he loved. the moment that his arms embraced her smaller frame, y/n felt a relief spread through her aching body. scrunching her eyes tight as she inhaled that addictive cologne, she continued to apologise over and over before jay shushed her.

"hey, hey, hey," jay tutted, pulling away to rest his free hand on her cheek. "what are you apologising for, huh?" as much as he hated to admit it, jay felt a rush of relief flood his body as he felt the anticipation break away. the frown on her face though was cutting into his heart the longer it rested on her lips.

"I was so excited to go out, last night I got my outfit ready and even booked a salon appointment," y/n began, slightly crying as she explained. though jay was there to swipe each and every tear away, not liking how sad she was growing. "and- and then I wake up and my uterus feels like its trapped in a vice." a flash of understanding spread across jay's face as he realised exactly what she was talking about.

"ah, period?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"period." she sighed, shoulder's deflating as jay held her a little tighter. it was only in that moment that y/n got a good look at her boyfriend, noting that he was wearing the shirt that she had complimented once when snooping through his wardrobe, but he had stated his hate for. "I'm sorry I made you get all dressed up, but I don't think I can go out tonight."

guilt washed upon the shores of y/n's mind as she thought about how much it had taken to get jay to this point. truth be told she had seen how jay had reacted upon her inquiry into their plans for the 14th February, which had prompted to do some digging. Kim had been her source, feeding her information about how jay was practically the Scrooge of Valentine's Day. knowing this she was going to relieve him of having to celebrate the day, but it was a little too late for jay had already booked some fancy restaurant.

"oh thank god." jay smiled, his chest deflating as he felt the pressure fall from his shoulders. y/n let out a small giggle, immediately regretting it as she gripped her lower stomach in pain alerting jay. "listen you go lay in bed, yeah? I'm gonna put these in some water and I'll come and join you." he instructed not wanting to hear any objections for he had no intention of leaving. nodding in a state of shock, y/n watched as he kicked his shoes off and unbuttoned his top button. looking back at her with a faux glare. "shoo!"

smiling softly, y/n waddled back up the stairs and into her bedroom. the feeling of guilt still remained, though knowing jay wanted to stay made the butterflies in her stomach spread their wings a couple times. collapsing down in bed, her hands released her blanket and found a position that relieved some of the pain, before grabbing the remote to her tv and searching for something decent

it was a few moments later that the door to her room was kicked open, causing her to shoot up slightly. immediately she grinned when she noticed jay with a tray full of snacks and drinks he had scouted out from her cupboards.

"m'lady," he slightly bowed, placing it down in front of her. her smile was contagious at that point, as she mirrored him bowing her head. y/n's eyes followed him as she watched him beginning to undo the fancy dress trousers. her eyebrows immediately furrowed, jay not missing it despite being distracted. "I believe this fine establishment has a different dress code to what I'm dressed for."

pointing out y/n's sweats, she didn't say anything. it wasn't that she cared, the show he was putting on was definitely an appreciated distraction. removing both his top and his trousers, he pulled open the drawer that y/n had designated his and pulled out some comfy clothes that he had left at her's.

"that's more like it." jay hummed collapsing down besides his girlfriend and immediately pulling her against him. he knew the drill, this was not the first time that y/n's time of the month had stumped their plans. never that jay minded, but it had taught him many things including what helped with her pain. placing his large hands underwear hoodie against her lower stomach, y/n hummed out in appreciation. "better?"

"much." she nodded, taking the pot of m&m's and offering over her shoulder, jay took it and kissed her cheek a couple of times. "what do you wanna watch?"

"I don't know what you always ask me, we both know you are going to put The Office on!" jay chuckled, followed by the sound of y/n's giggle.

"it's a good show!" she defended.

"it was, the first three times we watched it. what is it now? the seventh?" jay's fingers traced her name over and over against her skin, lips resting in a permanent smile that belonged to y/n and only y/n.

"no comment." grinning, y/n leant her head back against jay's shoulder. looking into his eyes, she wished for a moment that she could bottle what rested in them. the way they made her feel just by looking at her couldn't be fully expressed with words, it was like she was falling in love again and again, but she had no desire to ever stop falling. "I love you so much."

"really?" jay questioned, the feeling she gave him was so surreal sometimes even his detective instincts couldn't decode the complexity of the emotions she expressed. the woman nodded, eyes lightening up exposing everything to him without a word spoken. "well I love you more."

leaning down jay's and y/n's lips were like magnets, connecting and along with their souls to feel complete. moving slowly and passionately, their love was a pain killer that no doctor could offer.

"you really didn't have to get dressed up for me, you know," she mumbled as they pulled away, her eyes not leaving his lips. "I don't need a fancy restaurant or a gift for Valentine's Day, I just want you."

"couldn't have said it better myself." jay whispered, before pressing a peck against her lips twice sending her into a daze. a daze that lasted long enough for him to reach around her and grab the remote she had abandoned by her side. "that being said, I'm still not letting you put the office on again."

"ugh I take back everything I just said, you are an asshole!" y/n groaned in defeat, feeling jay's chuckle vibrate out his chest and into her back. his lips pressing against her shoulder, before whispering.

"too late, you are stuck with me now. forever."

[emiewritesthings]

spooky season ✩ jay halstead

summary: in which y/n celebrates her favourite time of the year with jay and the intelligence unit

a/n: this is something I wrote around halloween but never finished until now! also lol soz I've not posted in 2785927 years, started uni and now have zero free time.

in the eyes of y/n y/l/n, halloween had always been and would always be the best time of the year. she didn’t know what it was about it all that had her buzzing the moment that the calendar changed to october, but it was undeniable. 

“that’s it i’m not coming out! i look ridiculous, y/n!” adam yelled from where himself, jay and kevin had gone to get ready in the break room. stood besides kim as they both secured the orange and brown wigs onto their heads, a hearty laugh slipped past her lips. 

“oh come on, ruzek, it can’t be that bad!” y/n knew how dramatic the man could be, and judging by the reaction she had received when she handed him the costume, she had been expecting a little resistance. 

the sound of the squeak as the door pulled open had the pair of best friends completely abandoning their task, instead completely focusing on the man appearing dressed head to toe in a scooby doo costume. y/n couldn’t even supress it, the laugh that left her body had her doubled over. her hands gripping the desk for support as kim’s laughter soon joined into her chorus. 

“i’m meant to be a respectful member of this community! i can’t go out looking like this!” his voice was slowly rising in pitch the longer he was agitated. y/n and kim couldn’t even look at each other, tears clouding their eyes, and a realisation that if they did they’d just laugh even harder. 

“since when were you a ‘respectful member of this community’?” kevin suddenly appeared besides him, arm wrapping around his friend’s shoulders. “looking good ladies.” winking y/n and kim’s way, both girls stood up to give a twirl of their daphne and velma outfits that they had to help one another get on. 

“how come kev gets to put on a green shirt and brown trouser, but i have to walk around in this sauna of a costume?” kevin’s eyes rolled back at the bickering he had to listen to for the last hour and what seemed like the rest of the night. 

“looks like someone needs a scooby snack.” knocking one of his ears, adam quickly retaliated and the pair of them began a bickering war. “down boy!” kevin continued to tease until kim had no choice but to get between the two before the real dog fight began. 

usually y/n would have enjoyed watching as adam complained about everything and everyone, but instead she was too distracted by the one member of the group that was missing. frowning, she casually strolled towards the closed break room door.

y/n didn’t even bother knocking, instead slipping in knowing that no one would notice. leaning against the closed door, a small smirk attached itself to her lips as she studied the man in front of her fiddling with the orange bandana around his neck.

“need some help?” jay had been so caught up in trying to finish off his outfit that he had not even heard her walk in. however the moment that he pulled his eyes away from the orange material it was soon falling to the floor, immediately distracted by the goddess of a woman sharing his space.

“fucking hell.” his eyes roamed from her purple knee high boot up along the clingy, figure hugging purple material all the way to the artificial orange hair that was resting upon her head. pushing her way off the door, y/n steps were placed strategically, capturing his attention more and more until it was practically throttling him. 

“looks good?” she whispered, her chest pressed against his own. bringing her fingers up to his face, she softly caressed down his cheek before grabbing the material that had been giving him such problems. jay’s eyes were transfixed on her face, hypnotised by the glossy red lipstick that he’d risk ruining his white shirt. 

“you look amazing. you better be keeping this outfit after tonight.” he grinned, as she glanced up innocently, though the look in her eye was anything but angelic. jay couldn’t stop his hands from slipping along her waist, and anywhere else they could reach.

“wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you had a crush on daphne as a kid, huh?.” releasing the knotted handkerchief, y/n lightly tapped her boyfriend’s chest, pulling away so he didn’t make the decision to ruin her makeup for a kiss. sighing loudly, jay’s hand stung from losing contact from the warmth that constantly emitted from y/n’s body. 

just when y/n went to open her mouth, a loud knock on the door had them both alert remembering that their coworkers were still waiting for them on the other side of the door. 

“the taxi is here!” kim called out, popping her head around to see the two.

“come on, lover boy.” grabbing jay’s hand, y/n pulled him out to the others. the two other men nodded in respect at the fred costume that jay was most certainly pulling off.

“lets go to the mystery machine, gang!” y/n shouted. 

“you’ve been waiting this whole time to say that, haven’t you?” jay whispered in her ear, as she giggled. ignoring him, the group soon filtered downstairs into the taxi and towards the community party. 

--

“oh my god, you guys look amazing!” herrmann cheered as he caught sight of the entire group enter the community hall. y/n immediately spotted cindy and the kids all of them dressed as the 101 dalmatians, offering them a wave, she looked back at the father. “you lot really are the mystery gang!”

“see, herrmann gets it!” y/n snapped towards adam, who had been going off about y/n’s dumb costume choice the whole time during the cab ride.

“whatever, i’m gonna go steal some candy off a child.” adam huffed, storming away shortly followed by kim who was in charge of making sure adam didn’t ruin some poor kid’s halloween. 

“i think i’m gonna go get a drink, i’ll see you guys in a bit!” y/n mumbled, more to her boyfriend than anyone else. jay didn’t seem keen to let go of her, not that he ever was, but the growing group of people whose eyes were waving over his girlfriend had his grip tightening a little more than usual. “get a table, and i will get us a drink. i’ll be fine.” jay trusted her, that wasn’t the problem. it was everyone else and the strange amount of confidence a holiday and moderate amount of alcohol gave them.

peeling away from his side, y/n skipped over to the bar. leant against the countertop, she waited for the barman to serve the couple a few seats over. as she did so, her eyes switched over to observe as the groups of children ran around in their costumes. a smile was brought to her face as she was reminded of the halloweens of her childhood. 

her mom had always loved dressing her children up in costumes, typically handmade. their home would be lit up with decorations often to a more extreme extent than during the winter holidays. this time of the year always made her extra nostalgic and comforted by memories

“well hello there, daphne.” and moment ruined. turning to her left, y/n didn’t express any emotion as she studied the so called ‘joker’. his blonde hair had quite viciously been attacked by green chalk, whilst his face resembled that of a three year old let loose within their mother’s makeup bag. “I have a little mystery for you to solve... what is hot, single and thinking that you should come home with him?”

the grimace that was bestowed upon y/n’s face was one of the best she had ever created. with her eyes scanning the scrawny man who was obviously very proud of his ‘pick up line’. his tongue glided over his lip and eyes narrowed as he attempted to look sexy, but in turn it only enlarged the woman’s urge to thump him in the face.

“oh come on!” he groaned with a wide smirk, his head lulling back as it ruptured through his chest. “what? you have some little boyfriend around here or something?” his finger trailing down her arm as she stood their in pure shock, her mind debating whether it was the right time to grab the pepperspray she carried in her bag for occasions like this. 

“actually, yeah I do.” she humoured him, pulling her arm away but this only made him step closer to her. his body was uncomfortably warm and sticky, but y/n found it impossible to move back anymore trapping her. 

“really? cause i don’t see him.” just as he went to reach for a strand of her wig that had fallen in her face, a hand clamped down onto his shoulder causing him to halt in surprise. 

“turn around,” the voice was like a sign of home to the woman, who didn’t miss how it was a little deeper than usual. the joker seemed to recognise the threat that stood behind him, body awkwardly turning until he was stood face to face with an extremely pissed off jay halstead. jay’s eyes were dark and portrayed how the tight lip smile that he was displaying was anything but kind. “now you see him.”

the drunken fool recognised he was outranked as he was soon wriggling away, apologising to jay for ‘trying it with his girl’, not looking twice at the woman he had been harassing the entire time. y/n and jay stood there for a couple of seconds just looking at one another, jay’s gaze had defrosted and a sympathetic look was painted upon his face. part of y/n had expected him to say something like ‘I told you so’ - because he had done just that. but that wasn’t jay. 

“I'm gonna kill him.” he stated fists clenched against the bar, as he eyed the man that had moved to sit in the furthest away corner. his body was hot with frustration, having noticed too late the hassle his girlfriend was facing. he should have stayed with her, he cursed himself out, but knew that y/n was no frail object. he - along with most of chicago - had seen her singlehandedly take down some of the city’s biggest and most terrifying individuals. yet the urge to protect her never lessened. 

moving over to him slowly, he was again fell into her enticing aura as she took ahold of one of his fists in both her hands. with her fingers running over his knuckles comfortingly, she brought it up to her lips and pressed a soft kiss. with her eyes drawing to his, a small smile graced her lips. 

“as fun as that may be to watch, forget about him,” y/n reassured, releasing his hand which instinctively moved to rest upon her hip. as the barman approached, y/n ordered their usual, before returning to the man admiring her by her side. “why you looking at me like that?” 

“you are just so beautiful, I don’t understand how I ever got so lucky.” pulling him closer to her, a small gasp left her lips. the way he spoke was so genuine that y/n felt her heart squeeze.

no words felt strong enough to express exactly how she was feeling or how she wanted to respond, so instead her hands travelled up to the back of his head and pulled him down until their lips firmly pressed against the others letting all unspoken feelings and thoughts out. 

pulling away, they both beamed. 

“we should probably go find the others...” y/n hummed, much to jay’s dismay who groaned in annoyance. he wanted nothing more than to kiss her again and again for the rest of his life. “as much as I love you, I promised kim that we wouldn’t run off to leave her to deal with ruzek alone.” she frowned, leaning up to press another kiss against his lips. 

“I love you too.” jay grinned, making y/n’s eyes roll. of course that had been the only thing he had heard. grabbing their drinks the pair of them returned to the table that was filled with their friends, who were all in full blown laughter and conversation. it was at that moment that both members of the couple noticed the source. 

in the centre of the room, besides kim, sat Adam with a grumpy frown upon his lips as he looked at the ‘dog bowl’ that the bartender had been instructed to put his beer in as a final surprise by y/n and kim. truth be told y/n had completely forgotten about the little prank, but it all seemed worth it now. 

“I hate you.” adam mouthed as the woman took a seat down besides her boyfriend, who was almost in tears. blowing a kiss in his direction, y/n took a large swig of her long Island ice tea and relaxed as she felt jay’s arm wrap around her shoulders.

“you are an evil woman, you know that?” jay whispered into her ear, his hot breath creeping down her neck. it felt surreal the way they could shift so easily into a world of their own, blocking out everyone around them with just a look, or a touch or a word. 

“isn’t that why you love me?” raising her left eyebrow, jay couldn’t argue with her. he was undoubtably, completely in love with y/n y/l/n. smiling as he pulled away, he shrugged in defeat. 

“more than you’ll ever know.” 

[emiewritesthings]

[emiewritesthings]

Would you be able to write one where jay and reader broke up and then one night she’s out with her friends drunk and loses them so she calls jay crying to come and pick her up. And he ends up sleeping in her couch to make sure she’s ok and then in the morning they talk about their feelings and get back together

here you go my loveee :)

the mess you left behind

[emiewritesthings]

the mess you left behind ✩ jay halstead

summary: in which jay realises that his act to protect y/n ended up hurting her 

requested: yess

Would you be able to write one where jay and reader broke up and then one night she’s out with her friends drunk and loses them so she calls jay crying to come and pick her up. And he ends up sleeping in her couch to make sure she’s ok and then in the morning they talk about their feelings and get back together

warnings: age gap (7 years), swearing

Even before they had met Jay, Y/n had constantly been reminded by her tight knit group of friends what a bad idea it was to date an older guy. And they didn’t mean a couple weeks older, or a couple months, or even a couple years. No, they were directly referencing the 7 years that separated her from her now ex-boyfriend.

They just didn’t get it, she’d tell herself whilst blocking out the rant that Amelia or Michelle was spewing over their coffee meetup. None of them understood that even despite her long dating history at age 23, she had never been with a man that treated her quite like the one and only Detective Jay Halstead. Previously, she’d stuck to boys that were only, at max, 8 or 9 months her senior. yet she was made to feel like an exhausted mother that had to raise them and mature them. With Jay, though, he had everything sorted out, if anything she felt a burden for ruining his adulting with her early twenties shenanigans.

However, none of that mattered, for she was made to feel so special, so adored that she would forget it all, devoted purely to capturing everything that her boyfriend had to offer. She’d willingly give up everything around her just for another night surrounded by his friends in the same bar they’d met. Or another date spent talking about anything that came to their minds, holding the other, feeling the way they completed the other in a way no other would come closer.

But, of course, like everything Y/n seemed to care about, it all came crashing down when she needed it most. He’d gone cold on her for a couple of days. no texts or calls or random surprise visits that she’d grown to expect. After nearly a year and half of dating she felt like it all had been some kind of a fever dream, in which she’d recovered from her blinding illness and yet prayed for it all to come back to her.

When he finally came around, Y/n physically felt a part of her being ripped from her chest, with the rest fading away. ‘I don’t think this is going to work’ had been what he said with those eyes that she had always wished she could see herself through. They were always on her when she wasn’t paying attention, some soft gaze churning through the khaki green whenever she entered the room. But this time they were vacant, as though what had once occupied them had been forcefully removed, yet she didn’t have a reason as to why.

It had been a little over a month and a half since, and Y/n was beginning to doubt that the part of her that glowed in his presence would ever flicker back to life. Distracting herself with whatever she could, she’d hoped that the day would come soon that her chest no longer ached at night to be held the way she once was. Surprisingly for a 23 year old it had been hard to find something that took her attention away, seemingly the things that once had entertained her had become immature acts that she was too grown up to enjoy the way she once had. Well all except one; Drinking.

When Jasmine insisted the women go to the opening of the club in the city, Y/n had been the first to back the Saturday night outing. For the first time in a while she felt alive within the hollow shell of her body, shaking her body as she got ready. However, like always, when her satin wrapped body got out into the club setting she couldn’t have wanted to be anywhere less, turning to what the bar was offering in hopes that her mind would be changed with a taste of their spirits.

That brought her here, 4 gins and 15 vodka shots deep with more coming her way. Jasmine, Michelle and Amelia had all joined Y/n in her venture to seek emotional stability in their shot glasses, their solidarity shown the further gone they became. By the time 2am rolled around Y/n feet were aching from the multiple trips she made to the bar between dances, having enjoyed grinding against the occasional over friendly stranger and Jasmine.

“I need to pee.” Y/n’s yell towards her distracted friends was barely heard over the Usher song surrounding them, when she saw what she thought was a nod of acknowledgment from Michelle, she was off. Stumbling in her heels, that were inches too tall, in the direction of what she hoped was the bathroom. Her smile remained wide and warm, typical of an intoxicated individual, though the minute she found herself alone in the cubicle the facade cracked and her compressed sadness overflowed.

When did she become this sad, low version of herself? A couple of years ago you would never catch Y/n Y/l/n in this state over some guy. She picked herself up again within days, if not hours, not willing to allow her life to be torn apart by someone that clearly didn’t care about her. But Jay’s not like the others or some guy, her mind reminded her, though that was the last thing she wanted to hear.

She wished Jay had been just another ex. Another man that had let her down and treated her poorly, but he wasn’t. He’d taught her things about life that she was sure she’d never would have discovered had it not been for his insight. No one would ever hold her the way he would, like the times he’d sneak up behind her to wrap his arms around her, chin resting on the crown of her head. Not because she’d asked him too, but because even from the other side of the room he knew she needed him close. He knew her, at least he did.

“Pathetic.” The mumble was harsh as she stared in the mirror, her hands under the running water. Her drunken slur wasn’t audible to the few girls that were gathered around the other sinks reapplying their makeup or taking selfies, but in Y/n’s mind it was as though the word was ping ponging off the walls of her mind. A reminder dented into every passing thought.

Striding towards where she thought she had once been with her friends, her chest clenched as not a singular familiar face broke through the waves of strangers. Her intoxicated mind swore this had been the last place she had left them, but she wouldn’t bet anything against her uncanny ability to get lost. Panic seeped through her pores, as she battled with her aching legs, loud noises and the tainting of her ability to think under the influence.

Had they left her? No, why would they do that? She’d told them where she was going. Walking around the perimeter of the club, not even her heels could help hoist her up into a position that granted her a view of every face of individuals out solely based to get as sweaty as possible. Immediately, she reached for her phone, knowing without her friends she had no way of getting over the other side of the city. Clicking on all three of their contacts all she was met with was the monotone reply of the voicemail woman who was beginning to grate on her drunken self.

She wasn’t good at thinking rationally when sober, therefore you can most likely imagine the catastrophe occurring in the pits of Y/n’s mind as she tried to think of what to do when all skills were completely impaired. All she could think of to do was cry and her eyes were already on completely that task as she broke into the night air. Leaving the club, the eyes that usually lured in those around her, did the exact opposite with a stream of bitter tears rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to go home, she wish she’d never gone out in the first place.

I need to sit down probably shouldn’t have been her first priority, but their was no reasoning with her in this mood. Plopping herself on the curb of the club’s nearest sidewalk, she stared at the lit up screen that rested in her hands and tried to repress the only other thought circulating around her brain. You could always call him… It was a ridiculous thought, a completely idiotic idea… but then weren’t all of Y/n Y/l/n’s ideas?

Before any logic had invaded her momentary suggestions, the pad of her finger had pressed against her name and the block of metal was pushed against her ear. Even in her seated position, the stress had her feeling dizzy. Her eyes closing as her body shifted with each painful ring that casted out the speakers of the phone. One, two, three. Just hang up, you are making a fool of your-

“Y/n?” God had she missed the way his tongue wrapped so elegantly around her name, an extra edge as she had most definitely woken him up. The queasy feeling in her gut almost had her doubled over, though she figured not replying to the man would only end in him hanging up on her, and she’d be back stuck without any possibility of getting home.

“Hi… pal,” She falsely beamed through the tears running down her face. This was exactly why her friends took her phone every time they’d drank excessively since the breakup. Y/n had no sense of what was appropriate for their situation. Was she supposed to be civil? Neutral? Or even still angry over how it all played out. It was very rare that she kept in contact with any of her exes, this all felt so wrong. Yet the thought of Jay having answered the phone to her made her stomach flutter.

“Pal?” His chuckle was so attractive, Y/n found herself ten times hotter than she’d been surrounded by the human radiators that filled the club she’d once been in. The silence lingered, with both of them enjoying a moment that felt much more like a memory, though eventually the breath of fresh air had turned stale. “Are you- Are you okay, Y/n?”

For a moment Y/n wondered what he meant, until she heard the sound of her heavy breaths as she concealed a sob. She didn’t want him thinking that she was still hung over him and the breakup (despite this being the truth and it most likely being very obvious). She didn’t blame him if he’d moved on. She’d seen the ways his ‘friends’ watched him from afar, their eyes not even able to comprehend the complexity of the man they were gazing at. An attractive man like Jay Halstead didn’t stay single long, and that was just one of the many haunting thoughts Y/n had been fighting.

“Yes. No. Not really.” Spewing words out of her mouth, her bottom lip jutted out as another wave of sadness washed upon her eyes. She was a pathetic mess, no wonder Jay didn’t want her anymore. She’d kidded herself into believing she was good enough for Jay, a mature and well rounded adult. Then she went and behaved like this. Like a needy child. “I need your help, Jay.”

There was a bit of commotion on the other end of the line. The sudden squeak of springs that reminded Y/n of the days and nights she spent cuddling up on the lumpy mattress Jay refused to waste money on replacing. Jay must have sat up from where he had once been laying, ready like always to come and save the day.

“What’s wrong? Where are you?” Her cries were deafening, not in volume, but in the way Jay felt like he could hear the pieces of her heart being threaded through the call. A desperate call of help.

“I-I went out with Jas, Amelia and Michelle to that new place in the city. You know the one that used to be that Thai restaurant you liked. And we were dancing, then I needed to pee and when I came back they were gone. They’ve disappeared, I-I don’t know where they’ve gone and I don’t know how to get how and-and…”

Her words were broken by the occasional sniffle or cry, but Jay was used to piecing together stories of drunk Y/n. Usually they didn’t involve her in such a state, more of her laughing her head off at a joke that she thought was too funny for her to finish in one breath or her yelling towards one of his friends across the room that she’d befriended simply because that was the kind of person she was. She loved him and wanted nothing more than to be loved by those he cared for. Although it was hard not to love her, such a beautiful woman with a kind soul that he had accidentally left to be shredded when he’d tried so hard to preserve it.

“It’s alright, baby, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in ten minutes, you can stay on the call if you want. If it makes you feel safer.” Y/n hummed, silencing her cries and leaning into the sleep that was calling for her to just lay down on the uneven concrete. He always wanted her to be safe, whether it was walking down the street late at night or when she was using her straighteners. She’d caught her finger once attempting to straighten out the back of her hair, and from then on he’d insisted he’d do it and did so every day, despite her insisting it was okay.

“I’ve really missed you, Jay.” It was a loose thought that had slipped out amongst a yawn. Y/n didn’t even notice the words she had said, nor their significance to the man who was already roaring down his street in protector mode.

“I’ve missed you too, Y/n.” He shouldn’t have said anything, he cursed, realising it would most likely be forgotten by morning and everything he was getting his heart caught up in would be for nothing. But he meant it, and by the grin that pulled across Y/n’s face she appreciated it even more.

--

True to his word, Jay had been exactly ten minutes. His truck created such a roar as it pulled in just ahead of Y/n’s body that the drunk woman found herself stirring from her daze. Opening her eyes and looking up, the figure in front of her was caught in the shadow created by his headlights, not even squinting could help Y/n detect the expression on his face.

“You came.” She sighed in relief, going to stand up but failing at the first hurdle.

“Always.” His hand reached towards her slowly until he was able to peel her off the floor, just a step into their journey towards his truck he realised that with the death traps on her feet it would take ten times longer. In a rash move, that was signalled by the squeal leaving Y/n’s lips, he had scooped his ex-lover into his arms inhaling the perfume that had once covered his entire house. He’d tried to keep it there as long as possible until the source had stopped visiting and it was replastered by the rugged nothingness of his own lonesome scent.

Placing her into the passenger seat, her head lulled in a position that made the smallest of smiles play on his lips. Leaning forward over her body, he carefully saved her from suffering neck pain the next day, resting it back on the headrest, before pulling her seatbelt over her body. For a moment, he hovered over her weak, semi-conscious body. Even with her eyes closed, he could feel the change in the energy she exerted. Whilst she had once glowed in a golden aura that embraced anyone lucky to get close enough, now it was a bleak grey that harvested from deep within her. Jay couldn’t help but feel it had all been his doing, he’d broken Y/n Y/l/n.

Pulling away, there was no way he could shake the shameful feeling, rounding the vehicle to get into his own seat. As he drove them back to her apartment, he found himself glancing at her every minute or two to make sure she was okay, though there was very little change in the 20 minute journey. Every now and then she’d shuffle deeper into the warmth of the heated seat, but then she’d fall limp again, preferring to live in the fantasy playing in her mind than what many would perceive as a nightmare, faced with an ex in a closed environment.

Having her in his car where she wasn’t rambling about things Jay didn’t 100% understand could not be replaced by any noise. Turning the radio on still left a large void of where she’d complain about the radio host or sing along to the song playing that she always knew all the lyrics to.

By the time that the car came to a halt in Y/n’s driveway, the woman had arisen from her deep nap. Her eyes wide as they took in where she was, still not even 30% sober. Jay had disappeared from his seat for a moment or two before, her door was being tugged open and she was once again offered his hand. Even with his support, taking it with a tight grip, her body still felt floppy. Her feet were moving one at a time which seemed far too interesting, Y/n leaning her body too far to watch that Jay ended up having to place her arm over his shoulders just to keep her from ending up in a pile in the middle of her front garden.

“Watch the step.” He’d instructed with care, remembering how he’d always tripped on it during the first months of their relationship. Y/n didn’t make a noise, lifting her leg dramatically to wobble on the step before jumping onto the porch. The laugh that emitted from her chest was childish, having Jay smiling as he reached for the spare key she kept in the hanging basket beside the door. “Careful.” She brushed him off, as she tiptoed through the door, still very much clinging onto Jay for support despite her display of confidence.

“I think-,” She took a deep breath, as they came to a sudden stop at the doorway of her bedroom. “I think I’m going to be sick.” As quick as the words were spoken, Y/n had peeled her way off of her ex boyfriend and went running towards the bathroom a couple doors open. It took Jay a second longer to realise what was happening, before he too was off in the direction that Y/n headed.

Breaking through the bathroom door, he didn’t hesitate to pull the hair back that was inches from meeting the path of Y/n’s vomit. The noises of regret about how much she’d been drinking echoed through the room combined with the loving words of Jay. His flat palm rubbed her back where the dress exposed her skin.

When 15 minutes had passed, with Jay’s hand still on her back, Y/n had collapsed down the side of the toilet completely free of energy.

“You can go, I’m fine.” Y/n blubbered out, waving her hand in Jay’s direction hoping it would distract him from the fact she was quite literally cuddling up against her toilet. Jay shook his head, not considering for a moment leaving her there to wallow. Instead he crouched down and found himself bringing her into his arms until she was positioned for him to carry her into the neighbouring room. “Jay I said you can go-”

“Not a chance.”

Y/n sighed but didn’t put up a fight, her head resting against his shoulder. The scent of his shirt had a similar effect to the painkillers she was needing at the moment, taking away the pain that was filling her body up to her shoulders. However, as quickly as it was there, it had disappeared. Her body had been removed from the defined muscles of his arms, melting into her mattress with a sigh of relief. Tugging her shoes off, he abandoned them somewhere she wouldn’t trip over them when she had to zip to the bathroom again before returning to her side. 

“Thank you for showing up for me.” She wasn’t 100% that noise left her lips, though she knew they had moved. It was only when Jay’s hands stroked against her cheek that she was sure he was still there and this whole thing hadn’t been some strange dream. Before she could chat anymore the lightswitch on the inside of her mind had been switched and her heavy breaths stilled into a steady rhythm.

“Goodnight, beautiful.” Leaning down, Jay pressed his lips against her cheek in one longing kiss. Pulling the covers over the body before disappearing into the semi darkness of the living room. There was no way, in Jay’s mind, that he’d even consider leaving Y/n. Grabbing a few supplies he knew she’d need for the morning and leaving them on the cabinet just outside her bedroom, his body collapsed down on the couch that filled up 80% of the room.

When he had gone to sleep earlier that night, he hadn’t struggled to drift off. Though as he laid there, with the blanket that usually sat on the back of the couch over his body, his eyes couldn’t even close. Their gaze longing as he began digesting the strange hour he’d had. For the last month he’d always imagine the next time he got to lay his eyes on Y/n, but never had he envisaged this.

Some stupid part of him had thought that the split would light something new within his former girlfriend. She’d be with someone new, someone that understood her references, understood what it was like to be a 23 year old unlike his 30 year old self that had passed that stage of his life. He didn’t want to hold her back, prevent her from exploring the young years of adulthood, where she could make mistakes. Never had he predicted this.

Predicted that the very thing he’d done to protect her, was causing her the most pain.

--

Waking up hungover was never a good feeling. Understatement of the century. But what could possibly be worse? Y/n strolling out her bedroom to throw her guts up in the toilet to find that the ex she thought she’d imagined showing up last night spread out over her couch.

Jay had jolted awake at the sound of retching. Throwing the blanket off of him, his feet carried him to the exact same he could have been found hours before. Y/n’s body shook, throat bruising from the sensation. She could feel him watching her and had she not been distracted, she’d have kicked him out, completely embarrassed that he had to see her like she was currently. Though if what she had initially hoped were dreams, but soon realised were foggy memories were true than what he’d experienced last night had been harrowing enough.

When everything fell silent, with Y/n slung over the toilet. The pair slowly started moving again, Y/n struggling to get to her feet, whilst Jay reached out to help her. The feeling of his hands touching her skin had her jerking away, not because she didn’t enjoy it, but knew it was a temptation that would have her falling back into her old way of thinking. If he didn’t want to be with her, she couldn’t keep tricking herself into believing she could change his mind.

“Y/n-” Jay began, needing to get the plaguing thoughts off his mind. He knew that his explanation for their breakup had been short and left both of them with unspoken questions. He didn’t want her to think that he had never loved her, or for that matter still didn’t love her. Their relationship had left a Y/n size mark in his heart that couldn’t be altered for any other woman. He’d just been too afraid to admit such a feeling. Sometimes he felt like he was the younger one, unknown to an emotion as strong as what he felt for Y/n.

“We don’t need to do this, Jay. We don’t need to play happy exes. You can go, okay? I’m all good now.” She didn’t want him to go and he didn’t want to, though neither would admit it in such a confusing climate. Stood in her bathroom, with Y/n still zipped into the dress Jay didn’t feel right removing last night, they just looked at each other. They looked at how their faces had changed, Jay’s chin earning more stubble whilst Y/n had replaced her nose stud with a hoop. But their eyes looked much deeper than their external appearance, investigating into the person they’d grown to know under the social layers that kept their true selves secure and saved for the one that knew them best.

“Do you want that? Do you want me to go?” Dropping her head to stare at her bare feet that still felt the imprints of her heels, she kicked the bottom of her foot against the fluffy matt. She knew with questions like that, his eyes were like truth traps that would draw out the words she’d rather keep close to her chest.

“I-,” She sighed, tripping at the first hurdle. “-Don’t know.” The answer wasn’t a definite no. For that very reason Jay felt his hopes skyrocket into him launching forward until his hands resting on her cheeks bringing the beauty that was a permanent feature on her face to be fully admired by his green eyes.

“If I wanted to leave, I would have already. Because you are wrong, we do need to do this. We need to talk and I’m sorry I haven’t done it sooner.” Y/n had imagined this moment, where she finally got a chance for some closure. And yet as she stood in front of the man that held all the answers she could ever want, she was hesitant. Taking a step back, his touch fell away from her yet the magnetic field was still strong enough that Y/n had to push harder to walk around the man she’d been waiting for. Strolling back into the living room, she took a seat on what had been Jay’s impromptu bed for the evening.

Jay was slow on his approach to the woman, grasping the drink that he’d prepared earlier that day and the tablets he’d discovered in the corner cupboard, he placed them down in front of her before he perched himself to her left. Thanking him with the nod of her head, she grabbed them and downed the painkillers in hopes that her headache would subside.

“You know,” She began as she washed down the small white tablets, “You never actually told me why you broke up with me.” It had been something that had been bugging her the entire time. It wasn’t like she could beat herself up for saying something or doing something or making him feel a certain way, as not once had it been revealed in the conversation they shared the day it all came to an end.

“Normally I like to back myself when it comes to women,” Jay breathed, knowing Y/n was about to accuse him of avoiding the subject but he was getting there. “But from the moment I found myself falling for you I knew I was punching. I mean what kind of 20 something year old with their prime still ahead of them wants to get with some boring old 30 year old. I thought you were crazy for even considering giving me a chance, but then I realised that was just who you were. You didn’t care about what your friends said or mind for that matter, you just wanted me and that was enough for you. But I guess I felt like that wasn’t fair, on you I mean. There is an entire world out there that hasn’t had the pleasure of meeting Y/n Y/l/n because she’d shacked up with her boyfriend. I felt like I was weighing you down and as someone that loved you- loves you I couldn’t watch you drowning. I had to set you free.” Y/n felt confused, adored and angry all at the same time, not one time had she considered what it felt like to be Jay, dating a woman that was quite a bit younger than him. But it seemed that he’d thought deeply about what I was thinking, or at least what he thought I was thinking.

“That wasn’t your decision to make. You could have talked to me about it. I’m in love with you, Jay. I’m in love with the way you love me, I’m in love with the way you make me feel, I’m in love with you and that was enough for me. And let me just say, if I wanted to live that life you were so adamant I wanted I would still go out and live it, just with my boring old 30 year old boyfriend besides me,” She giggled humorlessly at how the entire situation had ended up so twisted, so chaotic. “I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore without you. For the first time in my life, with you, I had some kind of path. I had ambitions, I had goals, I had belief in myself because of you. You have always made me a better person, why would I want anything more?”

“You say that now, but in 5, 10, 15 years when you are looking back I don’t want you to regret anything. I don’t want you to feel like you never got to be a young adult because our relationship has forced you to mature.” Jay’s voice was raising not in anger but passion, he had so much he could say but nothing seemed enough.

“Have you met me?” Y/n turned to face him, grabbing his face, resisting the urge to laugh at the way his cheeks squished together. “No one can make me do anything, I’m the most stubborn person on this planet, you know that. The decisions I make are my decisions, and I promise you the only regrets I will have in the future is if you leave this house without knowing that I want to spend the rest of my fucking life with you, Jay. This was never just a bit of fun. This was real. I love you.”

Suddenly Jay’s hand was on the nape of her neck, and then that was when the couple’s lips reunited in a kiss filled with so much tension, that Y/n could have sworn her house shook slightly. Jay’s hands pulled her closer and closer until she legitimately sat upon his lap, hands on his face brushing against his stubble. His own hand gripping her waist missed the way her body begged for more of his touch. Their lips were soft, though the longer the kiss continued the rougher it became. It was only when the tingle in her top lip became too strong to keep going, that Y/n drew back, head resting against his own.

Their breaths were deep, mindling in the small gap between them.

“For what it’s worth,” Jay swooshed strands of her hair that he’d grabbed behind her ear once again, “I love you and want to spend the rest of my fucking life with you too.” The smile that they shared was made of the exact same intensity, that Jay could see the way the kiss had repaired the once broken bulb that had been blown when they’d parted. Now she was glowing in a way he’d never seen her flourish.

This is where they deserved to be, where they needed to be. They’d tried the whole apart thing for long enough for them to conclude that they both belonged there, holding one another, for as long as they lived.