#jay halstead fanfic

[deanstead]

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Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Requested: no

Summary: Jay notices something is wrong with Y/N's mood over the phone

Word Count: 1.5K+

Tags/Warnings: mentions of (workplace) harassment

A/N: I know I haven't written in months so starting off slow/small to see if maybe I haven't lost my touch... also @halsteadlover may have threatened me to post this.

JAY HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

You glanced at the last message Jay had sent you a few hours earlier and smiled.

You got this.

Three simple words that somehow warmed your heart even though you were miles away in another city.

You rarely had to travel for work even though you’d worked as a translator at this company for some time. You mostly dealt with inbound foreign clients who came to Chicago but this time, they’d needed a translator for a conference outside Chicago and you were the only available one. Thankfully, it wasn’t too far so you didn’t even have to take a flight and the company had arranged for a car for you to get there.

Which was all too well, since Jay had also had his hands full and had to go undercover for a few days.

So it was even more heartwarming to see the message from Jay when you hadn’t really been expecting a reply.

Even though you had only seen the message after the conference, it still felt comforting to feel the last dredges of work nerves and anxiety leave your system.

“Y/N, come on.” One of your colleagues from another team called out to you and you stuffed your phone back into your pocket, before following her toward the private room of the restaurant where you were all supposed to be having dinner with a huge client.

You didn’t even like having social dinners with people you weren’t close with, not to mention dinners like this.

Dinner had barely started when you were proven right.

“Thanks to your team, the conference went very well.” The client smiled, looking around. “Of course, we have to thank Y/N for ensuring all communication went smoothly.”

You’d just smiled when you felt his hand slide onto yours from under the table and the smile froze on your face.

Instinctively, you pulled your hand away, bringing your hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and grabbing your jacket from behind you and draping it around you, smiling.

“Just doing my job, Mr. Saunders.”

You saw the look on his face and knew he’d taken offense, ridiculous as it was.

You chose to ignore it, pretending like nothing had happened. After all, he’d probably have gotten the hint.

He hadn’t.

The client made a few more passes at you - a hand on your knee, trying to take your hand again, and the most outrageous one was holding up food to feed you in front of everyone.

The action wasn’t lost on everyone who was there but no one spoke up.

You swallowed. “I’ll help myself.”

It was like something snapped in him and he glanced at you coldly and said, “Guess if you’re not hungry, you should go out and wait for everyone to finish.”

You glanced helplessly at your team manager who gave you a look to ask you not to make things worse than they already were.

You gritted your teeth but bit back any sort of response, getting up and leaving the room, a mix of anxiety, humiliation, self-doubt, and every other negative emotion swirling in the pit of your stomach.

Jay sighed, stretching as he sat up from the couch.

The apartment was uncharacteristically quiet since you were away for work.

Jay looked up at the clock. It was slightly past 10 which was weird because he hadn’t heard back from you.

Getting up to get himself a glass of water, Jay glanced at his messages before he decided he’d try and call. Even if you were still with your colleagues, you could probably still answer the phone since the conference was over.

There were two rings before you answered.

“Hey, still having fun with your colleagues?”

There was a slight pause before you answered.

“Jay.”

Jay frowned, immediately picking up on the fact that something was wrong.

“Y/N? What’s going on? You okay?”

Jay’s voice was gentle and so comforting, you felt the prick of tears again.

You cleared your throat. Honestly, crying on the street in the middle of the night was the last thing you wanted to do. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Have you eaten?” Jay’s worried voice sounded through the phone.

You smiled to yourself even as a tear escaped and slid down your cheek.

“Yeah, told you there was good food waiting for me after the conference.”

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Jay pressed.

You shook your head even though he couldn’t see you. “I’m fine. I just… miss you.” You managed to keep your voice steady.

“I’ll come and get you,” Jay answered.

“Jay, it’s late and you probably haven’t had enough sleep for the past few days. I’ll take the earliest bus out to Chicago tomorrow.”

You heard the reluctance in his voice even though he agreed and after reassuring him not to worry, you hung up.

The wind felt even colder now as you sat by the side of the road, your carrier bag sitting next to you.

Technically you had another night at the hotel but you hadn’t felt like staying there for even a second longer. Other than the fact that the client knew exactly which room you were in, your team manager had left a message for you berating you for how you’d handled the situation which made you even more disgusted than you already were.

You didn’t know how long you sat there but as you felt it turn colder you thought you should get up and maybe find somewhere else to sit for the night. You didn’t care if you had to sit up all night at a 24-hour cafe but you weren’t going back to the hotel.

You’d barely gotten to your feet, reaching for your carrier when a familiar truck pulled up right before you.

You froze, as Jay appeared right before you like magic.

“Jay… you…”

Jay’s green eyes appeared even brighter than usual as he looked at you with a mix of exasperation and worry. “I came to take you home.”

You’d clearly been sitting out here for longer than you thought, but it didn't matter because when Jay finished speaking you felt the tears well up in your eyes as the security that Jay always made you feel flooded through your entire body and finally gave you enough courage to cry.

Jay stepped forward, wordlessly enveloping you into his arms.

You dissolved into sobs as you felt his arms around you and he pressed you gently into his embrace, his hand over the back of your head protectively. Jay didn’t say anything, just standing there quietly with you in his arms until your sobs gently died down.

"I…”

Jay pressed his lips against your temple and whispered, “Let’s go home.”

Jay didn’t ask you anything on the way home, and you must have fallen asleep because the next thing you knew Jay was pulling into the parking lot in front of your building and your stomach gave a tiny rumble as Jay killed the engine.

You glanced at him and Jay just let out a chuckle.

“Come on, I’ll order us a pizza and you can get comfortable.”

By the time you got out of the shower, the pizza was here and you got comfortable on the sofa as Jay handed you a slice and curled in next to you.

You didn’t say anything and Jay didn’t push you as you finished your first slice before you glanced up at him.

“I’m sorry.” You said in a low voice.

Jay raised an eyebrow.

“You must be exhausted.” You added.

There was a silence which made you look up and you felt the rare surge of insecurity from not being able to read the look on Jay’s face.

“Did you think I’d be able to go to sleep when I could hear how upset you were?” Jay said quietly. “Y/N, listen. You don’t have to worry about asking me to go out of my way for you. In fact, if it was possible, I hope you’d always do it. I’d go to the moon and back for you if you needed me to.”

You felt the tears well up in your eyes again, this time from an overwhelming feeling of being loved by someone.

Jay just quietly pressed his lips against your temple.

You leaned into him, the rest of the pizza slices forgotten on the table.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

You bit your lip, sitting up a little before you recounted what had happened that night as vaguely as possible, with bare details.

Even so, you could literally hear Jay grinding his teeth beside you.

You glanced at him. “Jay.”

“I’ll kill him. I will literally break his hands.”

You snuggled back into his side. “No, you won’t.” You mumbled. “But I needed to hear that.”

Jay sighed and pulled you tighter against him. “You did the right thing, you know that right? No matter what anyone says.”

You nodded without looking up and Jay patted the back of your head gently, ruffling your hair gently in the process.

You leaned deeper into Jay’s embrace before turning your head up gently to glance at him.

Jay smiled and leaned down to press his lips gently against yours. The negative feelings of the entire night were long gone because you were right where you belonged - home with Jay.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

[thestarrynightslover]

Whatever Comes

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 2,147

Warnings: A lot of angst. Mentions of blood, life-threatening injuries, hit-and-run, fracture wounds, and miscarriage.

Summary: Doctor (y/n) (y/l/n) and Jay Halstead are secretly dating when there is a terrible accident involving (y/n) and a lot comes to light.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way, or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: Okay, so this is my first fic in a long while and I don't think it's all that good but I had to restart somewhere, so I hope you like it anyway!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

You had just gotten out of your car across the street from the side of Med and, as you were making your way through the bit of road that led to the hospital, a car comes into the driveway — screeching tires, in full speed — and runs you over long before you could even see anything and, there, in the matter of a few seconds, everything goes black and you’re left bleeding out in the street.

Almost an hour later, after you had regained consciousness and had begun dragging yourself, very slowly, towards the hospital, Will and Ethan, about to go inside Med, spot you and run your way eager to help you out — even if they hadn’t known it was you at first.

“Oh man, it’s Dr. (y/n) (y/l/n)!” Ethan exclaimed.

“(y/n), can you hear me?!?” You sort of heard Will ask through your dizziness haze.

“Wow, you’re actually shorter this up close than I had imagined at first.” You attempted a joke with your friend, momentarily gaining some clarity.

Ignoring you, Will just asked no one specifically, “oh Lord, how long has she been bleeding out here?”

Decisive as always, you heard as Dr. Choi commanded, “I don’t know but, come on, Will, let’s carry her to the ED!”

As soon as your friends get inside the hospital with you, everybody stays in shock for a moment until Maggie yells: "get her in treatment 4, now!"

Following her lead, Will and Ethan get started on treating you, who has a few broken ribs, and free fluid in your belly besides from a punctured spleen. Having done their best in the ED, they decide to send your upstairs for surgery with Crocket.

Once you're going to surgery, Miss Goodwin tells Maggie and the doctors to call PD and specifically ask for Intelligence, since you were friends with the unit. As the cops get there, one stands out: Jay Halstead. He's frantic, devastated-looking, just completely lost, and desperate to hear more news about your condition. No one really understands why he is reacting like that, but all of them do share the fear of losing a great friend. Voight's giving out assignments to the team, so Jay knows that that's when he needs to speak up.

"Um, sarge?" All eyes are on him. "If you and the team don't mind running one man short today... I was hoping that I could, um, stay here with- with her?" Hank just stares at him, unlike everyone else — who are shocked — the older man's focus is on his detective's eyes, on the way he was so distraught from the moment they got the call about (y/l/n). That was the behavior, the look, of a terrified man. And, as everyone there knew, Jay Halstead — the freaking war vet — wasn't one to get scared easily. "(y/n) and I-"

"It's fine. No need to explain. You should stay here, Jay. Let us know, in case anything changes. And we'll catch the son of a bitch." He said firmly, making Jay feel as appreciative as ever, and, also, sending an implicit message to all the other members of the unit, one that said: we work this with all we got right now, for (y/n), and for Jay, no questions asked.

After the officers left the hospital, there was still a big commotion from everyone who stayed, because it was one of their own up there in the or. But, surpassing everyone else's, was Will's surprise by how distraught Jay looked, especially considering how his little brother wanted to stay at the hospital, instead of going to find who hurt you. So he comes to confront the detective about it. "So... You and (y/n) are a thing?" Will asked, trying to understand. Since Jay just nodded his head, he decided to push a little further: "And... Were you ever planning to tell me? What the hell, man?"

"Will, I-"

"She's one of my best friends, Jay! Not to mention the fact that I'm the doctor who oversees her work here!"

"Will you put it down?" Jay pleaded with his brother, motioning him to a more reserved corner of the waiting room. "I know, okay? I know. And I'm sorry if it upsets you, man, I really am. But this could've blown her career. That's why we hadn't told you yet." It was clear that Will didn't exactly like his brother's explanation, but he knew it was true.

"Just... How long?"

"Um, about six months?"

"Six months?!" The doctor yelled in shock, then repeated it in a lower tone. "But, six months?"

"Yeah, I know it's a lot of time keeping you in the dark, Will. But, trust me, we weren't thrilled about it. And we were hoping to tell you soon. I swear." Jay said, and his brother could, once again, see it was the truth.

"So, that means that when you started seeing each other she was still finishing med school?"

"Yeah, that's right. Which was, like, the main reason for us to keep it under wraps. An intern dating the attending doctor's little brother? Wouldn't look good."

"That's true..." At that point, Will took another look at his brother. Jay looked so worried and scared, even while trying to hide it. "So, uh, you guys are serious?" That question got a little smile out of the detective.

"Yes, we are. I know that it is new for you... But, I love her, Will. I really do." He took a moment to breathe, not being able to hold back some tears this time. “And, I can’t lose her. I just can’t.”

“Jay…” Will started saying but didn’t quite know how to continue. What could he possibly say to comfort his brother right now? “We just… We just gotta stay hopeful, okay? (y/n) is a really tough person and Dr. Marcel is a great surgeon, you know it. She is gonna pull through.”

A lot of disquieting hours later Crocket finally comes out of the surgery, just to be met by a very worried hospital staff and an on-edge Jay Halstead.

"Where is sh- How is she? Is (y/n) okay? Can I see her?" The detective hovers, not even taking a breath.

"Wow! Uh, you gotta calm down a little, buddy."

"Don't give me that crap! Just- just tell me how she is!" Jay shouts again, not giving a damn about what anyone was thinking. You were the only thing on his mind right now.

"Alright. But try to keep breathing, okay?" To that, the other man didn't even bother to answer. "Okay, um, it was a very complicated surgery, I had to do a lot of cleaning and moving around to get to the worst parts and-"

"Can you please just cut to the part where you tell me if she's okay? No offense, but you can fill me in on the details later." Jay stated nervously. It wasn't just that he wanted to know what was the result of all those hours in the or, but, also, because Jay knew he wouldn't understand half of what Connor was saying, even with the simplified language. You would. But not him.

"Right. Okay. She's, um, she's okay for now. We'll need to monitor her on an hourly basis, though." By that point, the surgeon could already see the relief on both Halsteads' faces, so he went on. "We controlled the bleeding, but, with all the blood loss," he stopped to take another look at the detective, "I'm afraid," another pause, because, sure he had delivered this kind of news before, but this time it was a lot harder, because those people were his friends. And, what they had just lost, he had just lost too, in a way, "we couldn't save the baby."

"The baby?" This time he got an answer from both brothers.

"Uh, uh... You, uh, you didn't know she was pregnant?" Crocket asked, kind of already guessing the answer while sharing a look with Will.

"Oh my God..." It was all the youngest Halstead managed to let out. Seeing how his brother was unable to react any further, Will decided to step up and ask the tough questions.

"So, um,  if everything goes well from now on, you think that (y/n/n) will make a full recovery?"

"Ahhh, yes, actually. She was in great health, so, after making it through, uh, through the night, she shouldn't have any major issues." At that point, Marcel himself was trying to be as objective and as doctorish as possible, in order not to make things worse for the man who had just heard that he lost a child he didn't even have a chance to wait for.

"So, is it, um- is it possible that she didn't know about the pregnancy yet?" But, damn it, Will just kept asking all the impossible questions.

"Uh... It is, actually. Very possible." Hearing that, the detective immediately glued his eyes on him. "We estimate that the fetus was about seven weeks. It's very common that women on birth control haven't found out about it at that point." As neither Halstead said anything, Marcel continued, "well, she's up in the ICU now and in and out of consciousness but, if you want, you can see her for a few minutes."

Hearing that, the detective came out of his haze and said: "Yeah, I wanna see her!"

A few hours later, as Will Halstead gathered his things after finishing his shift, he decided to go check on you but got surprised when he realized that his brother was still there, in the waiting room. "Jay, what are you still doing here?"

"I'm waiting," he said simply.

"Jay." Will called again, "you can't do this, you need to go home, get some sleep, eat…"

"I'm not leaving her alone."

"She's not gonna be alone, Jay." Not getting any response, Will decided to lead with something else. "You know, Voight called Goodwin and said that they're hitting a lot of walls in the (y/l/n) investigation…" Measuring his brother's reaction, Will continued: "Maybe they'd have better luck working with the whole team…"

"Yeah, you're probably right. Tomorrow I'll tell Voight that I want in on the investigation." Jay said, not making any sign of wanting to leave.

"Jay, you can't work tomorrow after staying here the whole night!" Seeing his little brother still not intending to leave, he threatened, "if you don't go home right now, I'll call Voight myself and tell him that you're in no shape to work-"

"Oh, c'mon! You're gonna do that!"

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you," Will said, looking as serious as they get. "Look, Jay, you know she's in good hands here. And, whatever happens, you'll be the first to know, I've made sure of it."

"But-"

"But nothing, Jay! It's time to go, come on!" Will pressed so much that Jay resigned himself to do as his brother told him.

For almost a week, you stayed in the ICU. For almost a week, Jay Halstead passed by Med on his way to work and on his way home from work.

Once you were moved to a room, Jay started feeling like he could finally breathe again, even though there was now the baby that someone had still to tell you. And, after chatting with Will and Crockett, Jay had already decided he was gonna be the one to deliver the news to you. So, one day, after Intelligence had already caught the drug dealers that were running away when they hit you, Jay asked Voight for the afternoon off to take you home from the hospital.

When you were at your place, you asked Jay what was going on: "Hey, you didn't say a word on the way here, is anything besides the fact that I just spent almost two weeks in the hospital and that everyone found out about us wrong?"

"Let's sit down for a minute, babe."

The minute he said that, you knew there was something really wrong.

"Okay, you're scaring me…" You said while sitting down on the couch.

"I just- I have something important to tell you," and, like that, Jay proceeded to tell you the worst thing you ever heard. It's not like you'd been planning on becoming a mother or anything like that anytime soon but it was still a possibility that was brutally taken away… You and Jay cried together for the first time and, consoling each other, you felt your relationship growing stronger. 

So much so that after some time you could start talking about the future that both of you foresaw with one another and, even though nothing was completely decided, there was one thing you knew for sure: as long as you were together, you could face anything.

[kiddbegins]

Giggling - Jay Halstead

Requested: yes

Word count: 309

Warnings: none

a/n: sorry it's short

Masterlist

“You smell real good, love" They say while nuzzling their nose in your shoulder and you start to laugh because it tickles so much but they won't stop doing that to make you all giggly”

Being with Jay was nice. It was safe. It was cozy. You felt truly loved. And every night you were reminded of how much you loved him. Sure he’d come home late sometimes but you were always there to accept him into bed with open arms. 

And days where he wasn’t working, he would find you at some point throughout the day and shower you with his love and affection. 

You were laying in bed, tired from the extra work you had put into your job yesterday, just trying to get your back to rest up a smidge. 

Jay was on his side, eyes closed from the nap he’d been taking for a bit, and you sighed, deciding to flip onto your side and maybe catch some sleep too. 

As soon as you rolled over, Jay looped his arm around you, pulling you to his chest. His breath tickled your neck as he hummed, “You smell really good baby,” He murmured, rubbing his face into your shoulder. 

A laugh left your lips as his breath tickled across your skin. “Stop-“ You managed through a giggle, attempting to cover your neck with your shoulder. 

He chuckled softly, nuzzling his face further into your neck, peppering kisses along with them,”Mmm, no,” Jay muttered, too distracted by the beauty of your laugh to stop himself. 

“Jayy,” You dragged his name out, moving a hand to the side of his face to push him back, rolling over to face him with a wide smile still on your face. “Enough,” You added, firmly but with no actual malice or annoyance behind your words. 

Jay popped his bottom lip out, sending you big green puppy eyes with the pout. Lightly you leaned down, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “That’s for you to promise you won’t tickle me again.”

“I make no promises.”

Wanna join Jay's taglist?

tags: @everything-fandom, @mrspeacem1nusone

[fangirlfrom-hell]

The Fragile Bonds Part 4 || Jay and Will Halstead x Halstead Sister

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly erased my other blog 🫠 If you were following this story I'd appreciate your reblogs 🙏🏻

Summary: After their father's death, Becca moved in with Jay. This is the first time the detective brother has to go undercover since his sister has been under his full care, creating a challenging situation for both. Reluctantly, Becca will have to live with Will and his family during those days, even though she doesn't feel very welcome in that household.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

It was a cloudy afternoon, with no sign of the sun in sight. The rain had subsided, and if it weren't for the gentle drops trickling down the windowpane, it might have gone unnoticed.

Becca lay on her bed, engrossed in the book Mr. Olinsky had given her. The story revolved around a lonely orphan girl who discovers the existence of a giant and goes with him into his world. Becca enjoyed the book, but at that moment, she found it hard to concentrate on her reading. She placed it on her chest and turned her gaze toward the window. She remained still for a few minutes, imagining Hailey's car pulling up on the street. She hoped that this would happen, as the detective had promised to visit her that day. Nevertheless, Becca was accustomed to last-minute changes in plans, a common occurrence in a detective's line of work. She continued to gaze outside, lost in thought, until her reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door from Will.

"Everything okay?" Will asked, but no words came out of his sister. She simply nodded.

"What are you reading?" Her brother approached and took a seat on the edge of the bed, prompting her to do the same. "The BFG?"

"The Big Friendly Giant," she replied. "Mr. Olinsky gave it to me, and he always asks me about it. I want to finish it for the next time I see him."

"Oh," Will was uncertain about how to react. It felt a bit strange to him that she was close to Jay's co-workers. For a moment, it tugged at his heart that she might be becoming closer to them than to him.

"Did you finish your homework?" Will inquired.

"Uh, no. It's Friday, and I don't feel like doing homework right now. I still have the whole weekend," Becca replied.

"Well," he said, taking the book from her hands, "I suggest you finish it today. We're planning to go to the aquarium tomorrow." He smiled from ear to ear.

"The aquarium?" Becca asked without much excitement.

"Yeah! We've been wanting to take Owen for a while now. Tomorrow's a great chance to do it, and you get to come with us," he said, excited and genuinely thinking Becca would be too.

"But tomorrow is my..."

"What?"

"Um, never mind..." She rolled her eyes, hoping that Jay would return at any moment. She was accustomed to Will always forgetting her birthday and other important events related to her, anyway.

"It will be fun!" Will tried to persuade her.

At this point, Becca couldn't even muster a fake smile. As soon as she was left alone in the room, she buried her face in a pillow, muffling her scream of frustration.

It felt as though time had ceased to exist that afternoon, a strange and surreal feeling. Becca spent most of the time in a state of half-sleep, drifting in and out, as if she were trying to fast-forward through the day. She didn't want to be awake.

By the time she finally woke up for good, it was already dark outside. She realized she had slept for a long time and suddenly remembered Hailey. Her heart raced with worry, fearing she might have missed a visit from the detective. "No, no, no," she muttered, reaching for her phone in the drawer. She discovered three missed calls and a text from Detective Upton.

Something surged, I'm sorry

The tone of the text conveyed the urgency. She put her phone in the back pocket of her jeans, just in case Hailey called again, she didn’t want to miss another call from Jay.

Leaving Mr. Snuggles behind, Becca ventured out of her dark room and was momentarily dazzled by the brightness of the rest of the house. The cold hit her immediately, and she shivered, regretting her choice of wearing only a light sweater over a tank top.

There were a lot of noises. The animated voices of cartoons emanated from the TV, Owen's plaintive cries echoed through the air, and Natalie's soothing reassurances cut through the clamor. Meanwhile, on the other side of the house, the clinking of plates, the splashing of water, and the rhythmic hiss of flames on the stove created a symphony of domestic activity. It smelled good. 

Upon entering the kitchen, Becca found her brother, Will, busy at the stove.

"Pasta!" He exclaimed, snapping his fingers and pointing to his little sister. "You can eat that, right? You can't be allergic to pasta!"

A smile graced Becca's lips as she responded, "Yeah, I can eat pasta. That's actually what Jay makes whenever he's too lazy to cook... which is often." Their shared laughter infused the room with a comforting sense of camaraderie.

"Well, dinner's almost ready. I bet you're hungry."

"Yes, I actually am. And it smells delicious." Becca's gratitude was evident in her words, and Will's smile in return felt like a small victory, he finally made Becca feel good.

"What's wrong with Owen?"

"I don't know, he just doesn't want to sleep. We didn't take him to the park because of the rain, so it might be all of his pent-up energy."

"Oh." Just as they were discussing Owen's restlessness, the baby's cries subsided, and the volume of the cartoons from the TV surged. Becca turned to glance at the wall clock; it read 7:00 PM. It was still relatively early, and she realized she hadn't slept as long as she thought.

"It's freezing," Becca mentioned, crossing her arms to ward off the chill.

"Here," Will offered, taking off his own sweater. "I don't want you to get sick." It was evident that he wanted to ensure Becca remained in the room with him, not wanting to break the peaceful moment they were sharing.

"No, it's all good," Becca quickly responded. "I'll get one from my bag. I'll be right back."

The door of the room was open, but the girl didn’t pay much attention to that detail. However, when she got in, she immediately noticed something amiss. The bed was empty. "Mr. Snuggles?" she thought, her heart sinking. She approached the bed, thinking she might have hidden the stuffed animal beneath the pillow, but her search yielded no trace of the beloved cat.

"Oh, no!" Panic gripped her, and she began frantically throwing pillows and blankets onto the floor, desperately searching for the missing plush companion.

“WILL! WILL!”, she screamed anxiously.

The redhead was at the door frame in an instant, a mixture of alarm and concern etched across his face.

"Wha--? What happened?" His own fear was palpable as they observed Becca, her tearful countenance and the disheveled state of the bed sheets. Quickly, he closed the distance and moved to her side.

“Mr. Snuggles is not here, HE’S NOT ANYWHERE!”

Will was confused, he didn’t understand what she was talking about.

“My stuffed animal!”

“Oh, the cat?” He finally realized. “Did you look well on the bed? Under?”

“WILL, I’M TELLING YOU–”

He could not understand why his sister was overeating that way, but he could feel her anxiety and exasperation. 

He put a hand on her shoulder and continued with a soothing tone, "ok, ok, let's go. I'll help you find it". 

Then, he proceeded to look under the bed, but there was no trace of the cat. "I don't know, Becca. Are you sure you leaved it in here? You didn't take it outside? Look, it's alright, tomorrow when we get out of the aquarium, we can go get a new one, I promise". 

However, this offer only seemed to exacerbate Becca's distress. She started bawling, and Will could see the profound sadness in her eyes, even if he didn't fully comprehend the situation. All he could do was embrace her, but Becca remained unresponsive, not reciprocating the hug.

"It's okay, Becca. You'll get a new one, and it will be even better. That cat was already old." Will tried to console her, although he was still perplexed by the depth of her attachment to the lost stuffed cat.

Becca's tears flowed uncontrollably as her mind became a whirlwind of memories from that special birthday when she had received Mr. Snuggles. She could see her mother's warm and loving smile, and picture Jay's supportive presence as he helped her unwrap the gift box. Those recollections also brought back the bittersweet image of their father, sitting at the table, all of them sharing a birthday cake. But what weighed most heavily on Becca's mind was the recollection of her mother's gentle voice and the overwhelming fear that gripped her – the fear that she might forget her mother's comforting scent and her cherished appearance if she were to lose Mr. Snuggles. It was this fear, this painful possibility, that had driven her to such intense distress.

In her frustration, Becca pushed her brother away, her actions betraying the depth of her anguish. "You don't get it," she groaned. The rawness of her emotions was palpable, and it left a profound ache in Will's chest as he struggled to comprehend the intensity of her distress and find a way to comfort her.

In that moment, the sound of laughter echoed from the living room, and it was at that moment Becca pieced together what had likely transpired. With a sense of urgency, she darted out of the room, her brother following closely behind. There, in the living room, she found Mr. Snuggles in the firm grasp of Owen, who was gleefully swinging the stuffed cat from side to side, dancing to the music of his cartoons.

"Mr. Snuggles," Becca whispered in relief.

Natalie, seated on the sofa, turned to look at Becca, initially unaware of the distress that had gripped the girl.

"Oh," she remarked to Becca. "It was the only thing that could calm him down. I was walking him around the house, and he wandered into the guest room to find it. I told him we would borrow it from you."

Will's voice came from behind, breaking the tension. "Good that we found him," he sighed in relief. "You still have my word about the new stuffed animal, though." He reached out and hugged his sister by the shoulder, still puzzled by her intense reaction and concerned by the fact that she was still upset. He wished he could understand and help her better, but for now, all he could do was be there for her.

"Will, I--thank you," Becca whispered in a hushed tone, ensuring her words were only for her brother's ears. "But I don't need or want another one. I need Mr. Snuggles, and I can't let Owen have it, I really can't."

Will glanced at Owen playing with the black cat. He didn't initially see the issue, but the intensity of Becca's emotions was impossible to ignore. He furrowed his brow and returned his gaze to her, realizing that she was genuinely suffering. It was clear that the stuffed animal held immense significance for her.

"Okay, alright," he said gently, attempting to wipe away her tears.

"Owen, come here," Will knelt to be at the boy's level. "Buddy, this little cat here is already tired. It's time for him to go back to sleep." As he tried to take Mr. Snuggles from Owen's small hands, the boy became upset and clung tighter to the toy.

“Will, what are you doing?” Natalie intervened.

“Becca wants, needs her plush back, that’s all”.

“He’s been restless for two hours, this thing is the only thing that has calmed him”.

“Yes, I know, but it’s not his, and we should have asked Becca first if we wanted to take it”.

Becca felt a warmth in her heart as she watched her brother stand up for her in front of his girlfriend, something that had never happened before. 

"Owen, pal, please," Will implored. He managed to gently take the stuffed animal from the boy's hands, but Owen's reaction was immediate – he started crying and throwing a tantrum.

Becca couldn't help but feel awful. She didn't want the baby to cry, and a wave of guilt washed over her for not letting him have Mr. Snuggles. But she just couldn't, if it were any other toy, she wouldn't have hesitated to lend it to him.

"Will!" Natalie scolded, and the cat went back into Owen's hands.

Will found himself in a difficult position, torn between wanting to please Becca and not fully comprehending the depth of her attachment to the toy.

"Becc, just lend it to him for a while. He'll get tired of it soon, you'll see."

Becca watched as Owen continued to play with Mr. Snuggles, her heart heavy with mixed emotions. She shuddered when she saw him putting one of the toy's ears into his mouth. The thought of her mother's scent slowly fading away from the cherished stuffed animal weighed heavily on her mind, making it even more difficult to let go.

“No, I can’t”

Will tried to stop her, but he didn't have the heart to do it.

"Owen, baby, I'm sorry, you need to give it back to me, please," Becca pleaded with a soft, gentle tone. However, Natalie intervened defensively.

"Becca, stop acting like this. It's just a toy, and he's just a kid."

Seizing the opportunity when Owen momentarily left the cat on the floor, Becca reached for it with a sense of relief. But at the same time, Natalie grasped it by the tail, and in the struggle to pull it towards herself, the stuffed animal tore in two.

Becca clutched the body of Mr. Snuggles in her arms, her eyes filled with horror as she stared at the torn tail on the floor. Her beloved companion had been torn apart, and she was left in shock, aghast at the sudden, painful loss.

"NO!" Becca's anguished scream pierced the air, sending shivers down Will's spine. Her cries escalated into a torrent of tears, her emotions a chaotic whirlwind of anger, sorrow, and anxiety. She felt trapped and overwhelmed, and all she wished for was to escape that painful moment.

"I wish I was dead too!" Becca's words, spoken with laboring breaths, were a heartbreaking cry for release. She bolted towards the front door in a desperate attempt to escape, but Will managed to reach her in time, pulling her into a hug from behind, trying to be gentle and cautious, afraid of hurting her in the process. His embrace was a lifeline, an attempt to anchor her and provide the support she desperately needed in that agonizing moment.

"Let me go! Leave me alone!" Becca's cries reverberated, her voice laced with anguish and despair. No one had ever witnessed her in such a state; she appeared as if she were possessed, kicking and hitting, doing everything in her power to break free from her brother's embrace, as if she were fighting against her own tormenting emotions.

"I can't. I can't let you go like this. I need you to calm down, sweetie. Calm down, Beccs, everything's okay," Will implored, his words filled with love and concern.

But those last words pierced her like a dagger to the heart. Nothing was okay; everything felt wrong. Her world was fractured. She no longer had her dad, her mom, or Jay. The only thing that still connected her to her mother had been damaged. She didn't have a home, and she couldn't find her place in this world. In her anguish, Becca acted without thinking, biting Will's arm to break free from his embrace, her pain manifesting in a desperate attempt to escape her overwhelming emotions.

“Will, she bit you. Do something!” Natalie’s accusations rumbled in her ears.

“No, no. It’s ok, Beccs. It’s alright”, Will tried to calm his sister, whose little face looked frightened.

Everything happened so fast and Becca managed to break free and escape through the front door. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, her vision blurred by tears, making it impossible to see clearly where she was headed. 

Unheeding of Natalie's protests, Will chased after her, desperate to catch up.

"Becca! Becca, please!" His voice reached her ears, calling her name at a distance, but it grew fainter and fainter as she continued to run. "Becca!" She heard one last anguished cry, a long and agonized scream that filled the air with sorrow.

When she finally came to a halt, she was exhausted, her breathing labored. She looked around, but the surroundings were unfamiliar, and she couldn't identify the street or any nearby landmarks. She was lost, but returning the way she came wasn't an option, so she continued to walk, trying to find her bearings and make sense of her tumultuous emotions.

It was dark and cold, and she wasn't properly dressed, lacking a warm sweater. Her nose turned red, and her face and ears stung from the biting chill, but she didn't stop walking. She suddenly remembered she had her phone in her pocket and, without breaking her stride, she pulled it out. She dialed the number, but the call didn't connect; the number she called was turned off. Nonetheless, she decided to leave a message on the voicemail.

"J-Jay..."

Will was overwhelmed by fear, his mind racing with countless scenarios. He rushed back inside his home to retrieve his car keys, wasting no time, and then immediately returned to search for Becca. Determined to find his sister and make sure she was safe, he set out with a sense of urgency.

Meanwhile, Becca continued walking along a dimly lit street, too afraid to stop and ask for help. At this point, even if she wanted to, she couldn't return to Will's house, as she was unsure how to find her way back. Eventually, she came upon a bench in a park that seemed relatively safe, with a few children and their mothers nearby.

With trembling hands, she retrieved her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and called Hailey's number multiple times, but there was no answer. Frustrated and desperate, she decided to send a text:

Hailey, I need you. Please, call me

Becca quickly noticed a man approaching her, which instinctively made her stand up and call Hailey one last time.

"Hey, girl!" The man continued walking toward her at an accelerated pace. "Are you alone?"

Once more, there was no answer on the other side of the line. This time, however, Becca decided to speak to the voicemail. Her voice trembled and cracked as she cried out of fear, "Hailey! Hailey! I really need your help..."

The stranger was now just a few steps away from her and made a gesture as if he was trying to take her arm. In a panic, Becca screamed at him while still on the call, "No, get off!" She then began to run once again, desperate to escape the approaching stranger.

After several minutes of wandering around, shivering from the cold and filled with fear, unable to stop crying, Becca found herself standing beneath a well-lit area outside a small store where a steady flow of people passed by. She retrieved her phone once more, but her heart sank when she realized the battery was dead. Cursing her misfortune, she felt a touch on her shoulder and startled in fear.

"It's okay, honey," a woman's voice reassured her. "I'm not going to hurt you. Are you okay? Are you lost? Do you need help?"

However, Becca was now too paranoid and frightened to trust a stranger. She took a few steps back, her guard up.

"Okay, okay, don't go. Don't worry," the woman said, trying to be reassuring. "I'll call the police, and they'll help you get back home, okay? I'll stay here with you."

But as soon as the woman briefly took her eyes off the young girl, Becca seized the opportunity to slip away and disappear into the night.

"Did you find her?" Natalie inquired, even though it was only Will who returned to the car. He was overwhelmed, his stress and anxiety apparent as he sat on the entrance stairs, his elbows on his knees and his hands on his face. His girlfriend knelt beside him and rubbed his back in a soothing manner. "She'll be back soon."

"Are you sure? She's a 12-year-old girl wandering the streets alone at night. She's never been out alone!"

"She must be hiding somewhere, like in a game. She just wants to get your attention. Give her time."

Will couldn't bear the waiting any longer. "She's anxious, stressed, and sad. She was crying her eyes out. She must be frightened and cold right now. And it's all my fault," his voice quivered as he spoke. Will ran his hands over his face in frustration. "We should call the police," he suggested.

"What? No!"

"It's been three hours now!"

"If you call the police, Jay will find out about this!"

Determined, Will stood up. "He'll find out anyway."

Natalie continued to resist, "...and we'll have the entire Intelligence unit here. Is that what you want?"

"Actually, yes, Natalie. I want every cop in Chicago looking for my little sister, if that's possible!" 

The 21st district was empty, the only sound filling the station was the echo of footsteps ascending the stairs. Jay was the first to enter the bullpen, followed by the rest of the Intelligence detectives and officers, all dressed in their tactical gear. He was the sole individual in plain clothes, and he looked thoroughly exhausted.

"Good job!" Voight patted Halstead on the back. "All of you. Now, go rest. The paperwork can wait until tomorrow. These punks aren't going anywhere." Before retreating to his office, the sergeant turned back to address Jay again. "Take a day off, you've earned it."

"Thanks, Sarge," Jay acknowledged.

"Alright, it's 10:40. Still time to head to Molly's to celebrate," Adam announced to the room. "First round's on me. Who's coming?"

They all accepted the invitation, including Hank from his desk.

"Jay, you coming?" Kevin inquired when he noticed Jay hesitating.

"No, I'll pass, guys. I'll just shower and go straight to pick up Becca. She must be losing her mind after a week with Will," he quipped with a smile. "If I hurry, I can still be the first one to wish her a happy birthday."

[collecting-stories]

King of my Heart - Jay Halstead

Request: Hi! Can i request King Of My Heart with Jay Halstead?❤️ 

A/N: I just really like the idea of Jay with like a firefighter s/o. I think I've written like two other fics with him and a firefighter s/o, pretend they're all interconnected lol.

TS Anthology Series | One Chicago Masterlist

...is this the end of all the endings?...

Dating with your schedule was not easy. Finding time to actually connect with people outside of work was next to impossible, especially since you’d taken on some paramedicine shifts for Sylvie on your days off from the Firehouse.

While you were trying not to rush into things or make any assumptions about whether dating was the correct term, you’d been spending a lot of time with Jay in recent weeks. You’d volunteered to help at a city garden that Trudy helped organize and he’d been there too and you’d both sort of clicked (at least that’s how you described it to Stella later on because you were too hesitant to admit that Jay had pretty much stuck to your side that whole day and asked you for drinks immediately after).  

“I just don’t wanna like...move too fast.” You explained, pulling your shirt over your head and fixing your hair, “like, okay...what if it’s just supposed to be like a casual thing and I make it this big thing in my head that it isn’t? Then I feel stupid and I can never show my face when he’s around.” 

“Listen, if it’s casual, he’s the one who should feel stupid. You’re a total catch,” Stella replied, always ready to be your cheerleader when you were feeling insecure about something. “You are a total badass, you’re on Squad. You don’t need some guy and he’s lucky you’re giving him the time of day.” 

“I wouldn’t go that far.” 

“I would!” Stella insisted, “you don’t need him, don’t feel like you need validation or something.” 

“I don’t. I’ll admit I’m okay single but, it is kinda nice having someone...I don’t know, want to put in the effort after a long shift. I mean, it’s not like we have easy jobs.” You replied, grabbing your duffel from the bench and slinging it over your shoulder. “I guess I just want some clarification. Are we dating? Is he thinking this could be something more serious? Is he even looking for something more serious?” 

“Are you?” She deadpanned as you both made your way out of the locker room. Most of the other third shift had left already but Stella had hung back with you while you showered, mostly to listen to you have a mini-crisis over your budding relationship with Jay.  

“I feel like I could be.” You shrugged, “that sounds stupid but like, sometimes I just look at him and think like, yeah I could do this every day of my life. That’s really fucking scary Stella...like...” 

You trailed off as you made it out onto the driveway and saw Jay’s pickup parked out front. He was standing there on the passenger side, leaning against the truck and when he saw you he smiled. Stella nudged your ribs playfully before giving you a silent wave goodbye and heading to her car.  

“Hey,” you called out as you got closer, “don’t you have work?”  

“Caught a double yesterday, just got off like an hour ago.” Jay replied, “Figured if you don’t have plans this morning you might wanna get breakfast?”  

“Oh my god yes, I’m starving,” you said, letting Jay take the bag off your shoulder and toss it in the back of his truck. “Herrmann has a new candidate and he offered to make dinner last night-” you shuddered and Jay laughed. 

“That bad?” 

“Terrible! And we ended up getting a call anyway so basically...no dinner.” 

Jay shot you a sympathetic look over middle console, “Shit baby, I’m sorry.” 

You felt yourself warm up at the sound of him calling you baby. You weren’t much for pet names but somehow hearing the word out of Jay’s mouth squashed all the worries you’d been keeping close to your chest.  

- 

“Jay!” You whispered, trying not to laugh and draw anyone’s attention, though most everyone in the house was asleep at this hour. Aside from Herrmann who had gotten stuck on night shift and was currently trying to keep his eyes open to reruns of Lets Make a Deal in the common room. He had ears like a hawk though and you knew he’d come snooping if he heard commotion. “We’re gonna get in trouble.” 

Jay smiled against your neck, placing another kiss there before responding, “I don’t work here so technically...” 

“Well don’t get me in trouble then!” You replied, unable to stop a laugh from escaping this time as you bumped into the washing machine.  

It was nearly one in the morning when Jay had shown up at the firehouse, texting you and telling you to let him in the back door. He’d just gotten off work and you still had six more hours on shift but it was officially your six month anniversary and he was surprisingly sentimental. Although you weren’t sure that making out in the laundry room like two horny teenagers was exactly sentimental.  

You didn’t get much time to consider anything at all because the siren went off, the overhead voice alerting the firehouse, “Truck 81, Engine 51, Squad 3, Ambulance 61.” 

“I have to go,” you insisted, pulling away, “Jay, I have to go.”  

“I know, I know.” He let go of you, stepping away so you could head out to the apparatus. He followed behind you, careful to stay out of the way, stopping at the Squad table. 

“I knew I heard something!” Herrmann laughed, walking through the double doors with Ritter, “Sneaking around the firehouse like a couple a kids!”  

You did your best to ignore Herrmann as you geared up, stealing one more kiss from Jay, “I’ll see you after shift?” 

“Yeah, I’ll pick you up.” 

“Get in the rig lovebird!” Tony called out the window and you rolled your eyes before climbing up into the back with him and Capp.  

You couldn’t resist a last glance out the window as you pulled out into the street, Jay standing there with his hands in his pockets, watching you and grinning. By the time you got to the fire, you’d be clear headed and ready to work but until then, you’d let yourself be a little lovestruck.  

[wordsandupstead]

Frantic Call

Jay HalsteadxReader

summary: Y/n’s bad day just keeps getting worse, and when she can’t take it anymore, she calls Jay, crying.  words: 1.5k

~

The sound of metal crashing against wood catches your attention and momentarily stuns you. As you turn your head to the passenger side of the car, you realize you weren’t watching that side as you backed up, and you smashed your mirror against the telephone pole outside of your house. Your heart immediately sinks to your belly. 

“I gotta go!” You shout at your phone, despite hearing your brother’s confused questions coming through your cars speaker via bluetooth. He had been practically yelling at you over something that had happened between him and your mom, which is not uncommon. As the middle child, you’ve always been the mediator, even though you’re all adults with separate lives now, things somehow still come back to you, as if they expect you to sort their problems out. 

Putting your car in park, you jump out and rush around to the other side. Your mirror is hanging from a cord, and the paint on the passenger side door is scraped. Part of the metal is caved in too. You force a deep breath into your lungs and try to remain composed despite wanting to burst into tears standing there on the street.

The argument your brother had with your mom left you feeling like things were already falling apart. His yelling was just enough distraction to make you forget to check over your shoulder while backing into your driveway. You always check over your shoulder, except today. 

You somehow manage to hold it together enough to park your car in the driveway properly. As you get out of your car, you glance at your work phone to see a new email from your boss.  

I need that incident report by tomorrow.

That’s all it says. Your workload had increased significantly a few weeks ago, and the constant stress of the day to day at work has been getting to you.  You’ve been making small mistakes that you’d never have made otherwise. There was an incident with a client that you don’t even want to think about, but your boss, as is his job, has no problem reminding you. 

After a moment, a text from your brother comes in. Call me back. And you sigh, standing there in a daze in the driveway, you can barely get yourself to move. 

Between work, your family drama, and now knowing you have to deal with getting your car fixed, you really just want to take a shower and crawl into bed,  but you can’t do that, because it’s 2pm on a Tuesday, and you have an online meeting in thirty minutes. 

Your fingers hover over the contact in your phone. He’s at work, and you don’t want to bother him, but he’s the only person you want to talk to. His voice is the only one you want to hear right now. You can feel yourself holding it together by a thread as you press on his contact and start walking into the house, leaving your poor car in the driveway. 

“Hello?” He answers.

“Do you have time to talk?” You question, unsure of whether he’s busy or not.

He probably senses the urgency in your tone, “Yeah, I have a couple minutes before I have to be in the interrogation room.” 

A part of you knows that since he said he has a couple minutes, this probably means he was supposed to be in the interrogation room five minutes ago, and he doesn’t actually have time. You almost say never mind and end the call, but you can’t keep your composure any longer, and you need to talk to him. 

“My brother got into a big fight with my mom and I was backing up and I hit a telephone pole, and I messed up at work and I’m scared that I’m going to get in trouble.” 

“Whoa, hold on, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine, my car’s not.” You respond.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Was anyone hurt?” 

“No, no one was even on the street, it was just me, hitting a stupid pole because I didn’t look over my shoulder because I was distracted because my brother was yelling at me and I was rushing home from work to do the stupid incident report that I should have done by now. And I have a meeting at 2:30.” 

The tears start falling and then you’re fully sobbing. You’re standing in the kitchen, just sobbing as Jay tries to understand everything you just said. You can hear shuffling on the other end, but he doesn’t say anything right away, and you continue crying and mumbling something about your car. 

“I’m coming home.” You finally hear him say. 

“No, you have an interrogation!” You respond, knowing you’ll feel even worse if he just leaves work right now. “

“Y/n, you’re not hurt, right?” He questions, completely ignoring your reminder that he’s supposed to be working. 

“No,” You mumble behind the tears still falling. You force a deep breath and try to slow your sobs. “But I have that meeting. It’s at 2:30.” You repeat yourself. 

“Okay, are you inside?” 

“Yes.”

“Go get a glass of water.” He calmly instructs. 

More tears fall and you shout, “I’m not thirsty. I’m sad!” 

“Please go get a drink of water.” He responds, remaining calm, a complete contrast to you, and you listen, walking over to the kitchen and pulling a glass from the cabinet. 

You put the phone on speaker even though Jay isn’t saying anything. Your sobs slow as you take three big gulps of the cold filtered water from the fridge. 

“Okay,” You say after drinking the water. Your voice is a little clearer and you feel a tiny bit calmer. 

“Okay,” His voice comes through the phone. “Your brother is going to be fine. Your mom is too.” He reassures you. He doesn’t even know what the argument was about, but he’s known you and your family long enough to know this isn’t the end of the world. 

“Your car can be fixed. I’ll look at it when I get home.” 

“You can’t come home now!” You respond. “I’ll be in a meeting by the time you get here anyway, and I have some work to do after too.” 

“I know,” he pauses and goes completely silent for a moment. You assume he muted himself and is talking to someone at work. A few seconds later, he comes back on. “It’s almost 2:30, your meeting is going to be good, and I’ll be home by the time you’re done, okay?” He says, as though he has everything figured out. Even though you know he doesn’t, and he can’t exactly fix things, it still feels good to know he’ll be there soon. 

You take a deep breath and try to regain your composure. “Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, bye.” 

You end the call and pull your laptop out of your bag to set it up at your desk. You quickly respond to your bosses email letting him know you’ll have the report to him by the end of the day, and start reviewing notes for the meeting. You open up the camera app and check your reflection, just to get a glimpse of what others in the meeting are about to see. Your cheeks are red and blotchy and your eyes are puffy. You have two minutes to fix this. Darting into the bathroom, you immediately try fixing your makeup before removing your contacts and replacing them with glasses, hoping they’ll help to hide your face even though you know it’s pointless. 

You slide back into your chair with just a few seconds to spare and quickly log into the meeting, reading over your notes once more.

The meeting is nearly over, and you’re honestly surprised that you managed to get this far without fully breaking down again. You hear the front door open and then close quietly, followed by light footsteps. Glancing over, you see Jay in the doorway, a starbucks cup in one hand and his work stuff in the other. 

He looks at you lovingly then silently walks toward you, careful to remain out of the frame of the camera. He places the cup down on the desk, mouthing, I love you, before practically tiptoeing away and disappearing into the bedroom. 

Spinning the cup, you see he got your order completely right, and even paid extra for the pumpkin cold foam, something you love but have a hard time justifying the cost of. 

Nothing is fixed, you still have a mountain of work and that incident report due. You still have a broken mirror and messed up passenger door, and a call to return to your brother. But somehow, knowing your boyfriend is home, knowing he left work early because you needed him, and knowing that when your meeting ends in a few minutes you can go to him, suddenly things don’t seem so bad after all. 

[study-coffee-chicago]

You Got This, Kid (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister Imagine)

A/N: I'm back! Please enjoy this imagine about what I've been going through with grad school applications and everything else these past few months. It's a long one (the longest I've ever written, clocking in at 23.7k words), so grab you might want to grab your snacks now. Finally, thank you for reading, and don't forget to reblog/like and comment!

Enjoy!

Okay, so maybe checking your email when you were out to lunch just trying to have a relaxing afternoon before taking a nap before work was a bad idea.

"Yeah?" Jay asked when he answered his phone.

"I'll know if I got into East Carolina by 6 pm today," you told him. You had been researching and applying to Ph.D. programs in clinical psychology since August and had decided to apply to five in total. It was currently January and you had yet to hear back from a single one. And, East Carolina University was your top choice.

"Oh, wow. Just take a couple deep breaths. I guess today was a bad day to have us get the new appliances put in, huh?"

"Yeah."

For Christmas, Hailey's Christmas present to herself and Jay's Christmas present to her were all new appliances in the apartment. You had no idea how they got around that since they were renting, but you had a suspicion that them both being cops had something to do with it.

"Well, the appliance people just left, so you can come home any time," Jay told you. "Think positive."

You rolled your eyes. "You know you're talking to the world's biggest pessimist, right?"

"It wouldn't kill you to be a bit more positive is all I'm saying."

"It's not like you're a ray of sunshine either, Jay."

"Fair point."

"Well, I've got two pages left of this chapter and then I'm coming home."

"Okay, drive safe," Jay told you and then you hung up the phone.

You knew you needed to get home soon because the more time you had to sleep before work tonight the better. And, you knew it would be hell falling asleep because you'd be counting down the minutes until you knew whether or not you got into ECU.

***

"This is fucking ridiculous," you muttered as you walked out of your room and into the kitchen.

"Language," Jay warned from his place at the kitchen table, case notes spread out in front of him.

"I'm 23, Jay."

"Fair point. What are you doing up anyway?"

"I can't sleep," you whined as you grabbed the kettle from the stove and began filling it with water. "And, why are you working when you're not at work?"

"I can't relax. You know that."

"Apparently I can't either," you muttered.

You felt like you were going to throw up from nerves. What if you didn't get into this Ph.D. program? And, if you didn't get into this one, what if you didn't get into the other four? If you didn't get into a Ph.D. program and a Ph.D. was required for your degree, then what were you going to do with your life?

You dug the fingernail of your pointer finger into your thumb to ground yourself. You knew it wasn't the healthiest coping/grounding mechanism, but hey, it worked.

The kettle was whistling, so you turned off the burner and grabbed a mug and a peppermint tea bag. Maybe the peppermint would help your nervous stomach settle. After all, Will told you peppermint tea was supposed to help with period cramps, so maybe it would help with this, too.

"You want some?" you offered. "I'm making peppermint."

"Sure, why not," Jay agreed.

Once your tea was finished you handed a mug to Jay. "I didn't put any milk or sugar in yours because you're a health nut."

"Now you sound like Hailey," he said and stood up to add a splash of milk to it.

"I'm gonna go read until I can't keep my eyes open," you told him. "The faster I fall asleep, the faster the time will go, so the sooner I'll know if I get in."

"Night, kid," he said.

Then, you made your way to your room and turned on a calming instrumental playlist on Spotify, turned on a lamp so that the lighting was dim, but enough that you could see, and then curled up in your bed with the book you were currently reading and your mug of hot, peppermint tea.

***

As it turns out, sleeping for a long period of time to make time go faster was easier said than done.

You tossed and turned for half an hour until your eyes were finally drooping while you were reading. And then, you woke every hour for the next three hours. The last time you woke up was 5:45 pm.

The email said you'd know your results by 6.

A knot formed in your stomach as you reached for your phone. You opened your flagged emails and located the one which had the link to the application portal. Then, with shaking hands, you clicked on it.

You took a deep breath and logged in.

You felt your heart beating out of your chest as you hit the tab that read application status.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath and opened them.

Despite the contents of your application, we are a very competitive program...please don't let this deter you from applying to other or future programs...

Tears began to prick your eyes.

"Fuck," you muttered. "No, no, no, no."

You grit your teeth to keep the tears from falling and grabbed your phone and then left your room and walked out to the kitchen, where Jay was cooking dinner.

"Hey," you said quietly.

"Hey, you didn't sleep very long—" But then, Jay saw your face. "Oh no. ECU?"

"Denied," you told him as you continued to hold back tears.

"Hey, there's still what? Four other programs you applied to? And, you just emailed a school in Florida yesterday about how to check your application status, so maybe you got in there. Did they email you back yet?"

You shrugged, Jay was always the rational one though, so you opened your phone and once again navigated to your emails. Sure enough, University of Florida emailed you back with instructions on how to check your application status.

"They emailed me."

Jay nodded, but you didn't see because you were too busy hitting the link the school had sent you and then typing in your username and password.

When it loaded, your heart dropped.

There, in big, red, bold letters after application status, it read Denied.

"No," you choked out as tears began to stream down your face. "No, no, no no! If I didn't get into either of these, how am I gonna get into Wayne State because that's the best neuropsychology school in the country? And then I only have two left and—ugh!"

"C'mere, c'mere," Jay said softly and took a step towards you and wrapped his arms around you.

"I just- I worked so hard on the applications!" you sobbed as your tears began to soak his shirt.

"I know. I know you did, kid. It's their loss. There's a school out there for you."

"But what if there's not!"

"There is." He paused and then his parental/brotherly instincts kicked in. "Now, do you want to stay here and eat or go back to sleep?"

"Go back to sleep," you mumbled.

"Okay. I'll wake you up in two hours so you don't have to set an alarm. Sound good?"

"Okay," you muttered.

When you started to make your way to your way to your room, Jay said after you, "You go this, kid."

***

It had been two days since you learned you had gotten denied admission to East Carolina University and the University of Florida. You had thought about your plan and what you were going to do next. The only options you had come up with were (1) apply to PsyD programs (more clinical, less research, but also less funded) if you could find some with later deadlines that were still accepting, (2) go to school in Europe (but that might pose issues with licensing if you ever wanted to come back to the US and practice), or (3) take yet another gap year.

You had relayed these options to Will, Jay, and Hailey the night before when Will stopped over with some I'm sorry you got rejected from two Ph.D. programs so maybe this will make you feel better coffee from one of your favorite coffee shops before your shift last night.

"Morning," Jay said when you walked upstairs later that night. Despite it being 7 pm, since you worked night shift, this was technically your morning.

"Morning," you said, your voice monotone.

"You feeling okay?" Jay asked as you grabbed the container of cold brew from the fridge and then grabbed a glass.

"Physically, yeah. Emotionally...not so much."

"Good enough to figure out your next steps?"

Luckily, you had finished pouring your cold brew and put the cap back on the container or else you knew you would have spilled it everywhere at that question. "What? I'm trying to figure it out, Jay!"

Jay put his hands out in front of him in a calm-down gesture. "I know. I'm not saying you aren't, but well, I have access to tech at the district that you don't have that might make looking for more schools easier."

"Okay...and?"

Jay muttered something under his breath about having to spell everything out for you all the time...which luckily you didn't hear. "Me, you, and Will are going to the district to do some research on grad schools."

You cocked one eyebrow. "You're trusting Will to use state resources?"

"No. God, no. He's there to research on his own laptop and then read over some of your essays...if we get that far."

You nodded. This was all just so overwhelming that despite how grateful you were for both your brothers' help, that was all you could do.

"Leave in an hour?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Just, give me time to shower and eat something."

And by something, you meant a piece of fruit and maybe a granola bar. Seeing how riddled with anxiety and frustration and whatever other shitty feelings you had been feeling the past two days since you got denied from the only two schools you had heard from so far, your stomach hadn't been feeling that great and your appetitive was half as much as it was before you got your results...if you had an appetite to begin with. You felt like that last complete meal you had eaten was the night you had gotten those results and Jay had dinner for you. For the past two days, you had mostly eaten what you felt like you could stomach without feeling nauseous, which was mainly smoothies, fruit, protein shakes, and snack foods. You knew your appetite would come back eventually and your nausea would go away eventually, but for now, it was here and you just had to deal with it...much like you had to deal with the fact that you had to do even more work to get into grad school than you had previously thought.

***

"I brought pizza!" Hailey announced when she got upstairs and into the bullpen. You, Will, and Jay had been researching grad schools for three hours. Jay had found two that still had deadlines open and didn't require the GRE, so you were working on writing essays to get into those.

After you finished the first one, you emailed the essay to Will and he edited it. You figured he'd be the best one to edit these essays because he'd had to write them to get into med school.

While Will was editing and making notes in the margins of your essay on google docs, you opened the links to the other schools that Jay had sent you. And, you had added two more to your list (making the total you would currently apply to four at the moment) when Hailey walked in with the pizza.

"Thank God," Will said and quickly closed his laptop. (You thanked God that you were working in google docs and that everything automatically saved so that his edits wouldn't be lost.)

"You're literally just editing," you said and rolled your eyes at how overdramatic your oldest brother was being. "I'm the one who has to look over the programs, make sure they're a good fit for me, and actually write them, and then I have to email--" you cut yourself off as your eyes widened in realization. "Oh, God."

"What? What's wrong?" Jay asked as he entered the break room with Hailey since he had been out in the bullpen because he was using one of Intelligence's desktops.

"I have to email my profs and ask them if they'll write me more letters of recommendation."

You hated doing this part because it meant that the application process wasn't entirely in your control. One of the letters of rec might not be emailed to the right email address or the application system wouldn't let you put in a certain recommender and then you'd have to contact the school and--

"Y/N." You hadn't even realized Hailey had crouched down in front of you. "You need a break."

"But I can't! I--"

"Y/N, some of those schools don't have deadlines until March or April. You can take half an hour to eat," Jay told you.

But you couldn't; your stomach was in knots just thinking about all the work you had to do.

"I'm not hungry."

Will looked you up and down. Of course, your physical appearance hadn't changed in two days obviously, but he knew how stress held itself in the body, in a person's posture; in their facial expressions. But most of all, he knew how much stress he had gone through during his med school application process and how some of his classmates could barely eat without throwing up because they had been so stressed out.

"Y/N, we know you're stressed out. But, you have to eat something. You can't write great statements of purpose that are gonna get you into a program without food in you, kiddo."

You sighed. "But I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"It's just nerves," Will reassured. "We just want you to eat something."

You looked at Jay, hoping for once he'd side with you and not Will. "One piece of pizza," Jay said. "And then, if you still don't want to eat, you don't have to. I'll even go get you a Sprite from the vending machine downstairs to help settle your stomach."

"And, we can talk about Outer Banks," Hailey bargained. "Me and Jay just finished the new season."

"I thought you guys had four more episodes to watch!"

"Just finished it yesterday," Jay said.

"We spent half of our RDO watching that," Hailey said.

Will just looked between the three of you. "I'll go get her the pop because I have no idea what you guys are talking about."

"It's a show on Netflix! It's really good! These kids are treasure hunting and--"

"Eat your pizza, Y/N, and then maybe you can convince me to watch it," Will told you.

You took a bite of your pizza while maintaining eye contact with Will, which made Jay burst out laughing and then Will stood up to go get your pop while muttering something about you being a creeper under his breath.

"I need a John B," you said after your second bite of pepperoni pizza. "The way he held Sarah's hand all the way up the mountain, just—ugh! I love it. At first, I thought I needed a JJ because of how he broke into Kitty Hawk for Kiara, but he's a little too crazy for me."

"Uh-huh, sure, that's why you chose John B," Jay said while rolling his eyes.

"What's that supposed the mean?"

Jay grabbed a piece of pizza and took a bite without even bothering to grab a plate. This caused Hailey to gently smack him on the arm and push a paper plate into his empty hand. He took another bite and then set the pizza on the plate. "I'm just saying, don't you like brown-haired guys more?"

"They're called brunettes, Jay. And, yes. But, how the hell did you even notice that?"

"Think of all the celebrity crushes you've had over the years, Y/N."

Of course, Will had chosen that exact moment to walk back into the break room with your pop. "Oooh, we're telling Hailey all about Y/N being a crazy teenager. I love this game."

"Like you didn't have a stash of PlayBoy magazines under your bed, Will!" you shot back.

"Did you..." Will trailed off as he looked at Jay.

You burst out laughing. "He never told me anything. But you just confirmed it! Ha!"

"Y/N's first celebrity crush was Zac Efron!" Will shouted.

"Technically, it was Troy Bolton," you corrected.

Hailey just shook her head and laughed at your banter.

"And then there was Bieber—"

"No, she liked Nick Jonas before him, remember?" Jay corrected.

"Oh, yeah," Will said. "There was Nick Jonas, then Bieber, then a couple hockey players, then 5 Seconds of Summer—"

"Specifically Luke Hemings," you butted in.

Jay laughed. "You really have no shame in this do you?"

"None at all. Continue, Will."

"And...I think that's it."

"And John B, from Outer Banks," Jay said. "That's her current one."

"Is he even a real person?" Will asked.

"Nope. Now, Hailey, if you were in Outer Banks, what character would you be?" you asked and then opened your Sprite and took another bite of pizza.

She thought for a moment. "Probably Sarah. Our dads are both pretty messed up."

She said it jokingly but also matter-of-fact. Despite this, Jay still gave her a sad look but quickly recovered to his neutral facial expression. (He knew how much Hailey hated people pitying her due to her past.)

"What about you?" you asked Jay. "Wait! You have to be John B because you have to marry Sarah and you and Hailey are married."

Jay let out a chuckle. "I mean, I guess, I was gonna pick him anyway."

"Why?" you asked.

He shrugged. "He's the leader of the group. He thinks things through more than JJ. And, I'm not as smart as Pope. Will would be Pope."

"Is that a good thing?" Will chimed in.

"Yeah," you told him. "Watch the show and you'll find out."

Will just rolled his eyes.

"Who would you be, Y/N?" Hailey asked.

"Me? Oh, I'd die in the first season. I'm not the kind of person to do crazy illegal shit."

"Oh, c'mon!" Jay groaned. "You gotta pick someone!"

"Fine. I'd be Wheezy. I'd still be helping, but not in like an illegal way."

"Fair enough."

The three of you continued talking about Outer Banks as you finished another piece of pizza and a breadstick, making the total you'd eaten while you were talking two pieces of pizza and one breadstick and, seeing as you hadn't technically had a meal since you learned about your first rejection, only snacks, you considered this a win.

You pulled your laptop back out and groaned. You didn't want to keep having to write essay after essay, but you knew you needed to because that was the only going to get into a school. Despite this, you still had that nagging thought in the back of your head that all of this was for naught and you were just going to continue to get rejection emails from all the schools you worked so hard to apply to.

You rummaged through your backpack, pretending to look for your chapstick, which you knew was there. Then, you groaned and stood up and walked to where Jay was once again seated at his desk in the bullpen.

"Jay, can I have your keys? I think I left my chapstick in your truck," you lied.

Jay fished them out of his pocket. "Here, but be quick. It's dark out."

You rolled your eyes. "You know if all of this works out, I'll be in a different state in less than eight months, right?"

"Don't remind me."

You just rolled your eyes again and made your way downstairs and out the back way to Jay's truck.

You quickly unlocked it and jumped in the backseat. You just sat there as your head spun with worry, each worry connecting to another like a spider connecting pieces of a web in your mind.

Will I have to stay at my job another year or God forbid forever because there's not much I can do with a BA in psychology?

If I don't get into a program this year, will I apply next year? And, will my profs even write me letters of recommendation next year because they won't have had me in class for two years at that point?

If I have to do this for another year, should I take a couple of classes next year so that I have other professors to write me letters of recommendation and so that I can show the schools I'm applying to that I'm still learning about the field I'm going into?

When should I start looking into schools and the process of going to school in Europe if I don't hear back from all the programs I'm working on applying to soon?

What am I going to do with my life if I can't get into a program?

You jumped when someone gently tapped on the window. Then, you scooched over so that they could open the door and come inside the truck.

"Jesus, Will!" you exclaimed when he was inside and had shut the door. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry, I would've texted you, but you left your phone inside. You find your chapstick?"

"Um...about that..." you trailed off and looked away. You knew that if you started telling him your worries, you'd break down and you really didn't have time for that as you just needed a few minutes alone and then you needed to get back inside to work on the stupid essays for these stupid applications because these other stupid schools didn't want you because you needed a stupid doctorate degree for you stupid career to make stupid money and have a stupid life.

Will nodded, quickly understanding that there hadn't been a lost tube of chapstick to begin with. "You know, I didn't match for a residency at first," he told you.

You turned to face him, even though you could barely see him because it was the middle of the night. "Really?"

"Yeah, and it was terrifying."

"But you're a doctor. You have to do a residency to be a doctor."

"Mhm," Will confirmed. "I had to do the SOAP process."

"What's that?"

"It's where all the kids who finished med school who didn't match to a residency try and apply for the ones that people didn't want or are left over."

"So, you got everyone's shitty leftovers?"

Will smiled and shook his head. "Basically. I never wanted to go into plastic surgery. It seemed so..." he trailed off while he searched for a good word to describe it. "Vain," he finally said. "Don't get me wrong, there are some people who need it because of accidents and things like that, but giving rich men's wives nose jobs, that's not what I wanted."

"So, what you're telling me is to go into another specialty if it's open? Even if I don't like it," you asked. If this is what he was getting at, his pep talk wasn't a very good one."

"Sort of," Will answered. "But, there's a bit more to the story. I always wanted to go into emergency medicine, so when a job opened up at Med, I jumped at it. So, even if there's roadblocks, you'll get the career you want; you just have to be patient. You need to be a doctor in clinical psychology for your specialty, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, and there's a lot of things you can do with a doctorate in clinical psych, right? You don't have to go specifically into neuropsych?"

"Yeah, I'll be a clinical psychologist with the doctorate so there's other stuff I can do," you confirmed.

"Okay. Then you get into a clinical psych program and you go from there. And, if you can't do your fellowship or whatever it's called--"

"Post-doc," you told him.

"Right. If you can't do your post-doc in neuropsych, then you can do it in another specialty. Once you make some money, you can always go back and do another post-doc, this time in neuropsych, okay? This whole process doesn't have to be linear to work out. And, honestly, the application part and getting in is harder than the degree itself."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, Hailey put on a pot of coffee when I came out here, so c'mon. Let's go drink some more coffee and look at more grad schools. Jay found some options in Arizona because we know you want to go where it's warm."

"Perfect." Will opened the door to get out and you scooted over to get out of Jay's truck next. "And, Will?" He turned back to look at you. "Thank you."

He smiled and gave your shoulder a squeeze. "Anytime, kiddo."

***

"You have actual food tonight, right?" Jay asked two days later, Sunday night, when you grabbed your lunch box from the fridge to go to work. "Not just snacks?"

You rolled your eyes. "Yes, Jay." Ever since your brother noticed you weren't eating full meals, he'd been on your ass about it. But, yesterday you ate like a normal person and so far today you have, too. "Shouldn't you be finishing the game and going to bed?"

"It's at intermission. It's—"

"Don't tell me! I'll watch it at work."

"Pretty sure those sites you use to watch it are illegal, but whatever."

"Shouldn't you know for sure if they're illegal or not?"

"Well, you're not on the dark web and you're not selling anything and you're not the one uploading the games, so I'm pretty sure I can't arrest you."

"Well, that's a good thing because if I get arrested, then I can't get into grad school...not that I'm sure I'll get in now, though."

"Hey, we found what? Six programs for you to apply to? You'll get into one. But, you better get going before you're late."

"Says the man who rushes to work every morning."

"Really, it's Hailey who holds me up in the morning."

"No, it's not!" Hailey yelled from the living room. "He's the one who hogs the shower!"

"Gotta go!" you said quickly and grabbed your keys from the hook by the door before you got in the middle of their arguing.

***

About half an hour into your shift, you got a phone call asking you to come over to another building to talk to a coworker.

"I have to go talk to Tia," you told your two other coworkers.

"Tia? What does she want?" your coworker, and also one of the veteran staff at your work, Tamara, asked.

"No idea. I haven't been over to that building since the beginning of last week, so if I did something wrong, I forgot about it."

"Okay, well, see you later."

"See you," you said.

Then, you slipped on your coat and buzzed yourself out of the current building, and made the quick and chilly walk to the other building.

"Hey, where's Tia?" you asked when you walked in and saw another one of your coworkers.

"Oh, hey, Y/N," she greeted. "She's in the office."

"Okay, thanks."

You made your way into the office where Tia was sitting at the computer.

"Hey, Tia. You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah. What's your problem with my schedule?" she asked you rudely.

You didn't have a problem with her schedule per se, you just had a problem with there not being enough coverage with her schedule. And, since you worked at every building, you'd have nights when you worked here alone—which you shouldn't be doing, but management didn't care—because she worked long shifts for eight days straight, and then the other six, it would usually just be you or someone else working here alone and you had brought this up to your supervisor when he asked if you'd come across anything you wanted to fix.

"I- I don't have a problem with your schedule. It's just that sometimes there's only one person here and it gets hard in the mornings." Since you worked with kids, sometimes when you were by yourself, you'd have to get them out to the bus stop and that made it hard to do because you couldn't leave all the other kids in the building alone while you went to do that, so you'd have to call other buildings to see if they had a staff available to come help you. Contrary to popular belief, you couldn't be in two places at once.

"Yeah. And that happens to me sometimes, too. But we do it. And now because of what you said, my schedule might get changed—"

"That wasn't my intention, it was just—"

"Can I finish?" You nodded. "And now my schedule might get changed and this is the schedule that works for me. You only pick up here, so if you don't like it, don't pick up shifts here."

Tears began to prick your eyes. "I get scheduled here. I don't pick up." You took a deep breath. "My intention was just to figure out a way to get coverage, not to have your schedule get changed."

"Well, maybe you need to tell your supervisor that you don't want to be scheduled here anymore if you don't like the way we do things over here."

At this, the dam broke. You frantically wiped at your eyes. "I'm sorry. It's- It's not this. I just got rejected from grad school and it's just everything. Sorry."

At this, she softened. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Don't let anyone here make you cry, not even me. It's not worth it."

You nodded. "Yeah. Can I- can I go now?" You asked while trying to stop the tears from falling. You didn't feel like walking out of the office and having yet another one of your coworkers see you cry.

She nodded and you quickly wiped your eyes once more and walked out of the office, just willing your eyes to stay dry until you got outside.

You sniffled all the way until you got to one of the buildings the kids used for gym class during the day that you knew would be empty because they were all sleeping. You buzzed yourself in and then quickly made your way to the bathroom and locked yourself in a stall.

You leaned your head against the door. "Fuck," you muttered.

Everything about the past few days came flooding through you and you began to cry so hard that you could barely catch your breath. And, you weren't even an hour into your shift.

Your breath was coming out in short bursts as you pulled out your phone to text Tamara and tell her that you were in the gym bathrooms because you needed a minute and that you'd be back soon. Then, not caring that this was a bathroom, you slid down and leaned against the wall and pulled out a breathing app on your phone that you had for times like this. You hadn't had an anxiety attack or whatever the fuck this was that was prompting your frantic breathing in a year and a half, but you had kept the app because you knew you might need it one day. Today—well tonight—seemed to be that day.

You were focused on your breathing—breathe in through your nose, hold, breathe out through your mouth—for three minutes before your breathing returned to a semi-normal rate. Then, you continued the breathing exercise for two more minutes just to be safe.

When you closed the app, you saw that Tamara had texted you and asked if you were okay and if she needed to come over there. You told her you were on your way back to your building now.

Then, you pocketed your phone and splashed some water on your face, and dabbed it dry with some paper towel. Your eyes were still red, but at least you didn't have tear stains on your face. After taking one last deep breath, you left the bathroom and then the building and began your quick and cold walk back to the other building and the coworkers you actually enjoyed working with.

When you got back inside, you told your coworkers what had happened and then Tamara asked if you wanted a hug, which you gratefully accepted.

You knew a bigger breakdown over grad school rejection was going to happen eventually, you just didn't think it was going to happen at work.

And, if the first half of January was anything to go by, you were in for one hell of a month.

***

"Well, look who's finally awake," Will chirped when you walked into the kitchen after waking up for your day...which was everyone else's night.

"I went to bed at 10 am," you shot back. "And I don't like to talk to people when I first wake up, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, that's right. The one time of day when you're actually quiet."

You went to flip Will off when Jay quickly butted in. "Y/N, there's leftover pasta in the fridge for you to take to work."

"And there's loukoumades for you, too," Hailey added.

"Hailey's my favorite sibling!" you exclaimed and then began to make your coffee as you drowned out the noise of Will and Jay trying to argue about why they should be your favorite sibling...well, mostly Will because Jay knew Hailey was his better half by a long shot.

Once you made your coffee and a bowl of yogurt and fruit for breakfast, you made your way back upstairs to your room to read for a while before you started getting ready for work.

***

When you took a sip of your coffee, your lips puckered in disgust. It was way too bitter and...you had forgetter creamer.

"Ugh," you groaned and then stood up from your chair. You were so cozy with your robe and slippers on and a blanket covering your lap that you almost decided to forgo your coffee, but who were you kidding, you needed that caffeine.

You grabbed your mug of now lukewarm coffee and made your way out of your room. You started down the stairs as normal until your slipper caught the edge of one of the stairs.

***

Jay, Hailey, and Will were all still sitting at the table, each enjoying a cold beer when they heard a thump, thump, thump on the stairs above them.

Jay and Hailey's reflexes kicked in just a hair faster than Will's and they sprinted over to the steps to see you laying on the landing of the stairs with coffee spilled all over you and your head against the wall.

You swear you had never seen Jay run as fast as he did then. He cursed to himself as he bounded up the stairs two at a time and quickly crouched in front of you.

"Can you move your arm?" he asked. You hadn't noticed that your arm was placed between you and the wall. You lifted up your arm and nodded.

"My coffee," you cried.

"You can make more coffee, Y/N. Did you hit your head?"

You nodded tearfully and Jay looked back at Will. Your two brothers traded places and Jay picked up your empty coffee mug—thank God it hadn't broken—and then made his way downstairs to grab the first aid kit and some towels. Hailey followed him to give Will room to work if needed and made her way to the freezer to grab an ice pack.

"Where'd you hit it?" Will asked you and you leaned forward and put your fingers on the back of your head. Will nodded and you put your hand down and he felt around the area and looked for blood. "No blood, so that's good. There is a little bump, though. Any dizziness? Nausea?" You shook your head. "Okay, good. But, I'm still gonna have you stay home from work tonight because those symptoms can have a delayed onset, so I don't want to miss something and then have you have to be rushed to the hospital while at work. I'll write you a doctor's note if I have to."

You were about to protest because if you called out now since it was only three hours until your shift, you could get written up. But, you'd only used a single one of your sick days out of the five you had and they reset in April, so you figured you'd be fine if you explained the situation. "Fine," you agreed. "Can I go back to bed then?"

"Nope. I want you to stay up for a couple of hours. It's not good for you to go to sleep right after hitting your head even if you do feel fine. After that, you can sleep all you want. I just need to see if you puke or not."

"She good? No hospital?" Jay asked since he and Hailey had been waiting at the foot of the stairs with supplies.

"No hospital. Just stay home from work and ice her head. Doesn't look like the coffee was hot enough to burn her based on her skin and her not telling me, but if she says anything, give me a call."

"I'm right here you know!"

"Oh, we know," Will said. "But, you're still under Jay's health insurance."

You rolled your eyes and then held out a hand for Will to help you up. He did and you made your way back upstairs and to your room to quickly grab a different pair of pajamas and then head to the bathroom to take a shower to get all the coffee off of yourself.

Then, you made your way back downstairs—carefully this time—and saw that Hailey had made you a new cup of coffee and had a small plate of loukoumades sitting next to it.

"After you eat those, you need to ice your head," Hailey told you.

"Uh-huh."

"C'mon, the boys are getting the tv set up for us."

"What are we watching?"

"I may or may not have convinced them to put on Outer Banks since Will still hasn't started it."

You smiled. "Yay!"

Then, you picked up your coffee and plate of Greek donuts and made your way to the couch where Jay tried to steal one of your loukoumades, but Hailey quickly swatted his hand away.

"You already had yours. Now press play, Halstead."

***

"Y/N, hey, wake up," you heard as you felt someone shaking your shoulder. In your sleep-addled brain, it took you a moment to process that it was Jay waking you up. "Y/N, can you hear me?"

"Mhm," you answered. "Wanna sleep."

"You've slept for at least twelve hours."

This got you to roll over and check the time on your phone. 5:37 pm. You had slept for over twelve hours; Jay was right.

"What time did you go to bed?" You went to answer, but then Jay stopped you. "Wait, any dizziness? Nausea? Blurry vision? You feel like your head is going to explode?"

"I feel fine."

"Okay. So, what time did you end up going to bed?"

"I fell asleep on the couch until three, and then I woke up and went on Tik Tok until five and then I went back to sleep." You yawned. "I shouldn't be tired! What the hell?"

"Just, get up and get moving around and then you'll probably wake up more."

Then, Jay left your room, but not without turning your light on which then forced you to either get up or get up out of bed and turn off the light and go back to bed. You were already up anyway, so you figured you might as well have a slow morning before going into your shift, so you decided to just get up and go downstairs to get some food and coffee.

After making yourself breakfast and a cup of coffee, you went to the bathroom before heading back to your room and saw that you had gotten a surprise.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," you mumbled and then grabbed a tampon from the cabinet under the sink. You had just gotten your period two weeks ago, you weren't supposed to get it again! But, at least the panic attack made sense now.

You left the bathroom to once again be met with Jay.

"You didn't puke in there, did you?" he asked. "You were in there for a while."

"Jesus Christ, let me guess? Will put you up to this?"

"Yup. He told me to monitor you closely since you slept so long."

"But you still went to work today and left me by myself," you said. "And for your information, I got my period. So now I have a reason why I had a panic attack at work the other night and I'm not just crazy."

You went to grab your food from the counter but were stopped from going up to your room by your brother.

"Whoa, you had a panic attack at work? Why didn't you tell me? Or Hailey? Or Will?"

Shit. You had forgotten that you just went straight to bed after that shift and didn't tell anyone.

You sighed and sat down at the table with your food and coffee instead of going upstairs. "Because I was tired after work and I went right to bed and then I just forgot to tell you. I journaled about it though."

"That's good. Do you still want to talk about it?" he asked.

So, you launched into the story of your night of being chewed out by Tia and then having a panic attack in the bathroom.

"She had no right to talk to you like that, you know," Jay said once you were finally finished.

"I know. And she's on my shit list for it." You would've said she's on my fucking shit list for it, but you knew Jay hated when you dropped the f-bomb. A year ago, he would've hated you swearing in any capacity, but now you thought that he was finally coming to terms with the fact that you were a grown woman and would swear whether he liked it or not and whether he heard you or not.

"I knew the mental breakdown from all this school stuff was gonna come sooner or later, but I didn't think it was gonna happen at work."

Jay nodded; he honestly had no idea what to say at this moment. Did he agree? Comfort you? Finally, he settled on a mixture between comfort and encouragement while you focused on blowing on your coffee to make sure that it wasn't too hot.

"Hey, you'll get through this, alright? Just keep applying. You didn't work your ass off in school for nothing. And, it's their loss if they don't want you."

You smiled. Jay was oblivious to some things, but he always knew just what to say when you needed a pick me up.

"Thanks, Jay."

"Anytime, kid."

***

You were going to lose your damn mind. You had all this stuff to do and submit and one of the people who said that they'd write you letters of recommendation for your PhD programs said that they're really busy and they might not be able to get to the ones for the PsyD programs you were applying to. And Jay and Will heard all your bitching about this. How fucking hard was it for her to change the date and the name of the school on the letter and send it in? Unbelievable.

You couldn't think of anyone and you were running out of time to get these in.

"Fuck," you muttered.

You heard a knock on your door. "Y/N? You still up in there?"

Shit. You forgot it was Jay and Hailey's RDO today.

"Yeah, why?"

It was only half an hour past the normal time you'd be sleeping anyway.

"Me and Hailey are going out for breakfast. You wanna come? Or we can bring something back for you."

"Bring something back," you said quickly. You were not in a state to be out right now because you knew the minute that you saw lots of people, you were going to have a full-fledged breakdown.

"Okay, I'll send the menu so you can tell me what you want. Goodnight."

"Night," you answered.

***

"I'm just gonna go check on her," Jay said when Hailey asked him why he was walking towards your room instead of their room once they'd gotten home from going out for breakfast. The two had planned on having a lazy day of watching tv on the couch along with a few beers. And, instead of going to change into comfy clothes right away, Jay decided to take a peek into your room.

The sight he saw when he cracked open your door broke his heart.

You were pacing your room and pulling at the roots of your hair while your breathing came out in short bursts.

"Hey, hey," Jay said quickly as he opened the door wider and made his way into your room.

You turned around at the sound of his voice. "I- I—"

"Don't try and talk. Let's just sit down, okay?"

You nodded and he gently placed his hand on your shoulder and helped lead to your bed.

You both sat down and Jay offered you his hand for you to squeeze. You took it.

"Breathing app," you told him through your rapid breathing. "On—" Breath. "—Phone." Breath.

"Say cheese," Jay said as he put the phone in front of you, screen-facing, so that he could open it. "What's it called?"

"Ti-ide," you said and grabbed his arm.

"Tide?" You nodded. "I gotcha, I gotcha," he said and then sat down next to you and held the phone between the two of you. "In," he narrated as you watched the circle on the app expand. "Hold..." Pause. "Exhale." The circle deflated.

"It's not--"

"Just keep breathing," Jay encouraged. "Think of a bubble, just like on the app."

You continued to hold on to his arm and continued to follow the breathing on the app for six more minutes.

Jay handed your phone back to you after he saw your breathing had evened out and you confirmed you were okay.

"Is this what happened at work the other night?" he asked gently.

You nodded. "I think I need to go to the doctor. I can't keep living like this, Jay!"

"I know you can't. And I'll do everything in my power to help you. But, don't you mean therapy?"

"No, a doctor. My period's being all weird and my anxiety's bad and maybe I need to be on Xanax or something. I can't keep doing this!"

"I know. Do you know why this happened? For my PTSD, there's always a trigger, was there one for you?"

"Just all this grad school stuff."

"Still can't think of anyone else to write you a letter?" You shook your head. "Could you use your supervisor at work?"

"Probably," you answered. "Maybe I'll use my old one from when I was on dayshift though because I like her better."

"Okay, send her an email. The worst she can say is no."

"And then I'll have to think of another person--"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, just email her and then schedule a doctor's appointment. You should be able to do it online. And, me and Hailey got you some food so come out and grab it whenever you're ready. I'll put it in the fridge for you."

"Thanks, Jay."

He didn't know if you meant the help with the panic attack or the help with grad school or getting you food, but no matter which one you were thanking him for, the answer was still the same: "Anytime, kid."

***

"Okay, Y/N," Hannah said when you came to see her in the ED one day. (This was a planned appointment, but you knew she could possibly have to run out of the appointment if she is needed in the ED.) "So it says here in your online chart that you wanted to come in because of irregular periods and anxiety?"

"Yeah," you answered.

"And how long have your periods been irregular?"

"A month and a half, two months," you answered. "Around the time I started getting rejection letters for grad school."

"Yeah, Will's told me you've been applying. I bet that's really stressful."

"Yeah, it is. And now I have to apply to different degree programs because I didn't get into Ph.D. programs, so it's been a lot."

"Well, stress can play a big role in our cycle. So, what I'm gonna do is ask you some questions and then do the physical exam, see if there's anything I can find that could be causing this. I also want to run some labs just to check your blood work."

"Okay, but does it have to be fasted?" you asked. "Because I just came from work, so there's food in my system."

"I'd be concerned if there wasn't food in your system after working all night," Hannah joked. "But no, it doesn't have to be fasted. I mainly want to get your thyroid levels checked.

"Now, the anxiety, tell me about that. Is it more general? Is it panic attacks? When does the anxiety start? That kind of thing."

"Um, it's more general, I guess. I've only had two panic attacks, but I get like anxiety attacks when I see that there's gonna be a lot of people."

"A lot of people like what? Can you give me an example?"

"Like if I'm at the gym and there's a lot of people there, then I want to leave because I'm getting anxious."

"Okay, so in looking at your chart, I saw that you're on an antidepressant. So, based on what you just told me, there are two options. The first is that I can put you on hydroxyzine, which is an anti-anxiety medication that you can just take as needed. Or, I can increase your dosage of antidepressants and get you set up with one of our social workers here at the hospital who can teach you some coping skills or refer you to a therapist," Dr. Asher told you.

"Is there any way my body could constantly be PMS-ing? Because I used to get anxious around my period and now I'm having my period a lot more, so could that be it?" you asked.

"It definitely could be, which is why I want to have you get your labs done so we check your thyroid levels. But, if you don't want to do anything with your meds, we can always just have you meet with the social worker and see how that goes."

"What would you recommend? In terms of the hydroxyzine?" you asked.

"You've told me you've only had two panic attacks so far, so based on that, I think you could do either way with the medication. We could always increase your antidepressants and then when I follow up with you in a month, if nothing's changed, we can get you some hydroxyzine. It's completely up to you."

"Okay, let's just up my meds for now and if I need to go on the hydroxyzine later, I can."

"Okay, perfect, let me go get someone to get those labs done and then you're free to go."

"Thanks, Hannah."

***

3 days later

When you woke up, you saw that you had a voicemail and that it was from Hannah. You assumed it was regarding your labs.

"Hi, Y/N, it's Doctor Asher. I have some information I'd like to share with you concerning your test results from the blood panel that was done. These charts are also available in your online chart if you would like to see them. Please call me back when you get the chance. And if I don't answer your call, please leave a message with the best time that you can be reached. Have a good day."

You quickly logged into your chart to see the results yourself since you knew that your results would be there.

What you saw was something that you assumed might be the problem based on the research you had done on your own since you went to see Hannah a few days ago. (There was no way in hell you were talking to Will about this, and you had to beg and plead with Jay to convince him not to talk to Will about it. But, in the end, he agreed because you cited that he wouldn't be able to give you the check-up in the ED anyway since he was family, and by law, he couldn't do that. And, you also promised that if it was anything serious or if there was anything wrong at all, you would loop Will in yourself or that you would give Jay permission to loop him in.)

Your thyroid levels were slightly elevated, and in the notes, it said that during the physical exam, your thyroid did feel a bit enlarged. Because of this, Dr. Asher would recommend having an ultrasound of the thyroid...At least, that's what you gathered from all the medical jargon you read. And, because of said jargon, you assumed that this is why Hannah wanted you to call her back so that she could explain it to you.

You called her back.

"Hello, this is Dr. Asher," she greeted when she picked up.

"Hey, Hannah, it's Y/N Halstead. I'm calling because you told me you had my test results back."

"Yes, I do. Just give me one second to get it pulled up here..." There was a pause on the line and you could hear her typing away on the computer. "Here it is. Did you get a chance to look at your results from your online chart yet? If not, I can read the results to you over the phone."

"I looked at them," you told her.

"Okay, so what I'm going to do is just break down the results for you and then tell you the next step. Feel free to stop me at any time with any questions, okay, Y/N?"

"Okay, yeah."

She broke down the results for you and they were exactly what you had assumed from your online chart...and what was actually written in your online chart. But, you assumed that it was just standard protocol for her to have to break down the results to you over the phone or in person.

"So we just want to get an ultrasound of your thyroid to see if the thyroid is actually enlarged since your thyroid hormone levels were slightly elevated and your thyroid gland was slightly enlarged from what I gathered from the physical exam," Hannah finished.

"So, what happens now? Like, after the ultrasound?" you asked.

"If the thyroid isn't enlarged, then we just continue what we talked about, taking the increased dose of Zoloft and then meeting with the social worker and following up with me in a month about the anxiety and the irregular periods," she told you. "But, if the thyroid is enlarged, we'd put you on medication for that so that your levels can stabilize."

"Okay."

"Any more questions?"

"Nope," you answered.

"Alright, well, I'm gonna give you the number for scheduling so that we can get you scheduled for that ultrasound of the thyroid. But, feel free to call me or send me a message on your online chart if you have any other questions or concerns, okay?"

"Okay, thanks, Hannah."

"No problem, Y/N."

She gave you the number and told you to have a good day and then you said the same to her and ended the call.

You grabbed your book and started to walk upstairs to tell Jay when you thought of something: he might not even realize that you could get an ultrasound for other things besides being pregnant. Your other brother knew this, but you weren't sure if this one did.

These next few minutes were going to be really interesting.

***

At least, you thought it was going to be the next few minutes. Turns out, you had a few hours to talk to Jay because all he told you was a raid went sideways. Granted, it was mid-week, and for some reason, crime was slow during on Monday and Tuesday and ramped up a bit on Jay and Hailey's RDO, which was Wednesday, and they'd usually come back on Thursday to a full-fledged case. It was almost like criminals hated Mondays as much as the rest of the world did.

So, to calm your nerves about grad school and everything else that was a fucking mess in your life, you decided to make yourself—and Jay and Hailey—pasta salad with chicken for dinner.

You turned on one of the tv shows you had to catch up on and then started boiling the water for the pasta and took the veggies out of the fridge along with a cutting board from the cabinet and a knife from the knife block to start chopping up the veggies.

***

An hour later, you had let the chicken nuggets and the pasta cool in the fridge for half an hour and had just finished cutting up the chicken nuggets and were about to mix everything together when the door opened.

"Hey, I made pasta salad for dinner—" You turned. "Will? What are you doing here? I thought you were Jay or Hailey."

"Jay told me you had a doctor's appointment a couple days ago and I figured I'd come over and check you out, see what's the matter, and then start the Hawks game with you guys."

"And Jay knows you're coming over? Did he tell you to come over? Or just tell you I had a doctor's appointment?" you asked, stopping your stirring of the pasta salad so that you could give him your full attention...and to make sure you were making eye contact to try and figure out if he was lying to you or not.

"He just told me you had a doctor's appointment the other day and that he's worried about you. I told him I'd come and check you out, but that's all he told me." Will's phone buzzed. "Speak of the devil. It's Jay. Said he and Hailey are picking up Gino's on the way home." He glanced at the bowl in front of you. "But, it looks like you already made something, so..."

"I'll just save it for lunch for the next couple of days; I'm not passing up Gino's pizza." Will tapped his phone screen a few times. "What did you just tell him?" you asked and took the spoon from the pasta salad that you had begun to stir once again and pointed it at him.

"Just gave him a thumbs up. Now, tell me what's going on, and finish making your food so I can give you a check-up."

"Don't really wanna tell you," you mumbled.

"Hey, whatever it is, I promise you I've seen worse. Nothing will phase me. Unless you're pregnant. Then there might be some issues, more with Jay than with me, but still."

"It's the exact opposite of being pregnant."

"So, you're not pregnant?"

"No, I'm not pregnant, Will! Jesus."

"That's the same thing that Mary thought when she was pregnant with Jesus."

"Will!"

"Fine, fine. I won't push you. But, I can promise you that whatever it is, I've seen worse. Plus, If you don't tell me, I'll just convince Jay to tell me."

You sighed. Jay still didn't know that you needed an ultrasound for your thyroid, so maybe telling Will first would help so that Jay doesn't pop off on you when he hears the word ultrasound and his brain automatically goes to pregnancy.

"Just, let me stir this and cover it and put it in the fridge first."

Will nodded and sat down and you finished stirring the pesto into the pasta salad and then covered it with Saran Wrap and placed it on a shelf in the fridge.

Then, you sat down in your usual spot at the table.

"I've been getting my period a lot," you told him.

Will nodded, his eyebrows furrowing as you knew his brain was running through all the possible medical problems that have period issues as one of their symptoms. "How much is a lot? Like, constantly? And when did it start?"

So you went into the whole spiel you had already told Hannah, including the increased anxiety and what you and Hannah had decided to do about it.

"Does Jay know about this?" Will asked after you were finished.

"He knows about everything except the ultrasound. I just got those results a few hours ago."

"Do you have them on your online chart?" Will asked and you nodded. "Mind if I take a look?"

"Knock yourself out," you told him and then opened your phone and navigated to your test results on your online chart and then passed him your phone.

You sat in silence for a minute while Will looked over the results.

"So, you need an ultrasound of your thyroid?" he asked, even though he already knew that it was recommended from what he read on your chart, he didn't know if you had agreed to it.

"Yeah. I was gonna ask you to come with me though after I told Jay and Hailey tonight because I've never had an ultrasound done before," you said.

"Of course, I'll come. Just tell me the date and time and even if I'm working, I'm sure Maggie can cover for me after I explain what's going on. You want me to tell you what happens at an ultrasound?"

"I know what happens," you answered. "They put gel on me and then they put this wand thingy over top so that they can look at my insides."

Will stifled a laugh at how you described it, but he had to give it to you, you were right. "That's exactly what happens. Now, can I feel your neck so I can see if I can feel if your thyroid is enlarged?"

"On one condition." He cocked an eyebrow at you, silently urging you to continue. "You have to tell Jay that I'm getting an ultrasound because he'll flip out and think I'm pregnant if you say it."

"Deal."

***

"Anything from the doctor?" Jay asked as he put a slice of deep-dish pizza on your plate and then passed it to you.

"Which one?" you asked and looked at Will.

"I mean, did you tell him what's going on?"

"I did," you confirmed.

Now Jay's attention was wholly on Will. "So, what do you think is going on?" Jay asked Will.

"Well, I wasn't the one who examined her, but I did what I could here and read the results of her thyroid test."

"And what did they say?"

"I'm right here, guys!" you exclaimed, causing Hailey to laugh.

Jay turned to you. "Yeah, but you're not a doctor, so I want to hear it from someone who understands doctor language himself."

"Technically, it's medical terminology," you muttered and then began eating your pizza, curious as to how Will was going to reveal to your non-doctor brother that you were going to have an ultrasound and the reason for it was not because you were pregnant.

"She has to get an ultrasound," was what Will decided on.

"What?!" Jay exclaimed. "I thought you couldn't get your period when you're—"

"She's not pregnant, Jay! She needs an ultrasound of her thyroid," Will clarified.

Hailey was just laughing at how stupid her husband was while you just rolled your eyes. "I could've done that," you told Will.

"And I should've taken a video! That was priceless!" Hailey chimed in.

"And she needs an ultrasound because...?" Jay prompted Will.

And so Will launched into the details that he was better fit to explain than you were while you just ate your pizza.

"And you'll come to the ultrasound with me?" you asked Will once again, just to double-check. "I've never had one done before and what if something's really wrong with me?"

"First off, the worst case scenario is that you have to go on a medication for your thyroid," Will began. "And, yes, I'll go with you. Just tell me the time and date and I'll come and wait with you. I don't think I can go in, since the rooms are pretty small in radiology and you're not a minor, but I'll be in the waiting area the whole time."

"You promise?"

"I promise. And if it's a day I'm working, I'm sure Maggie could cover for me," he repeated.

"Okay."

"So, how's the applications coming?" Will asked.

You groaned. "Ugh, don't remind me. I've submitted all of them except I just have to resend my transcripts to one of them in Arizona because I sent it to the wrong email address."

"How do you send it to the wrong email address?" Jay asked.

"He wouldn't know because he didn't go to college," Will fake whispered to his sister-in-law who was sitting next to him. Jay just rolled his eyes.

"I sent it to the psych department, not the graduate admissions committee," you answered.

Jay nodded. "Any word from the school in Hawaii yet?"

"Nope. You'd know if there was."

"You just want to go to Hawaii, babe," Hailey said.

"Yeah, and? Beats winters in Chicago."

"And it's super expensive, so hopefully I'll get assistantships or scholarships," you said.

"What about the one in Chicago, Y/N?" Hailey asked. "I know that's bottom of your list because it's cold and because Jay would pressure you to stay at home—"

"I would not!"

"Yes, you would!" you, Will, and Hailey yelled, causing Jay's eyes to widen.

"Uh, that was freaky. How about you guys never do that again, okay?" Jay said. "I thought it was the beginning of February; not Halloween."

"Hailey, I don't know what you see in him," you told her, causing Jay's jaw to drop.

"Hey! For your information—"

"I didn't hear back from anyone yet," you said loudly, cutting Jay off before he said something that would discreetly hint at his sex life with Hailey. "And when I do, I'll tell you guys. Now, can we finish eating and watch the game? I really don't want to have to think about this more than I have to."

Hailey nodded in understanding, since she too suffered from anxiety and then she proceeded to tell the story of the antics that Adam and Kevin had been up to today in the bullpen while everyone had been listening to the wire for their latest case (which they now had a lead on and would be picking up tomorrow, hence Jay and Hailey getting home later than usual).

***

One week later

"So, Y/N, tell me about what's going on," the social worker, Marsha, asked you at 12:45 pm that afternoon as you sat in her office for your scheduled appointment on your day off (as in, you hadn't had to work the night before, but had to work tonight. Even Jay got confused with your schedule sometimes. Will, on the other hand, understood since he had worked many a night shift during his residency).

And so, you launched into the story about grad school and anxiety.

"So, I can definitely refer you to a therapist if you would like that," Marsha said. "Or, I can work with you and teach you skills to manage your anxiety."

You'd always had some anxiety, it had just increased in recent weeks because of the rejections you'd gotten and all the added stress of trying to find another program that still had open applications.

"I think I want to learn some skills," you answered. "Seems like this is just gonna be something I have to live with."

"Ok, so I want to tell you about anxiety and why it happens and how it's sometimes a good thing and then we can move on to some skills you've tried..."

***

"And I'm gonna give you some homework this week," Marsha said at the end of your session. She passed you a piece of paper. "All I want you to do is notice when you have anxiety and what the physical symptoms are. You don't have to write them on this piece of paper; it's just a list of possible physical symptoms and the anxiety pyramid that we talked about if you want to reference them if you want. All I want you to do is notice when your anxiety flares up. Then, we can figure out what to do in these types of situations."

"Okay, sounds good," you told her.

Then, she stood up and you followed her out of her office and back into the waiting room. "You know your way out from here?" she asked.

"Yup," you answered.

When in reality, you didn't. But, Will said he'd meet you outside the waiting room doors at 1:50 to go with you to your ultrasound appointment in the radiology wing, and it was currently 1:55.

"You're not in your scrubs," you said when you saw him right when you opened the doors to the hallway.

"Nope. Ms. Goodwin gave me a half day today, so we can get lunch after if you want."

"As long as we can get coffee for me to bring to work, sure." You noticed his backpack. "Can you put these in here?" you asked, holding the two pieces of paper out to him. "I only brought my lanyard with all my keys and stuff."

"Yup." He took the papers from you and put down his backpack and put the papers inside. "You ready?"

"Yeah. You promise it won't hurt?" you asked, slightly nervous.

"I promise. It might just feel a little cold at first."

***

"See? I told you it wouldn't be so bad," Will said once you were out of the ultrasound.

"Yeah. But I won't know the results for a few days so can you—"

"I'm not gonna look at your chart and tell you the results," Will stated as you exited the waiting room.

"But why not? I give you full permission so it's not against HIPAA."

"Technically, it is because I can't just go in there and look at a family member's chart. That, and I'm not a radiologist. When they send you the results, I can look them over if you let me see them. But, before then, I can't. And, I'd trust a radiologist's opinion on this more than mine."

"Fine. Now, how about IHOP for lunch?"

"Already a step ahead of you. It'll be ready for pickup in ten minutes."

"And you got me the pancakes I like?" you asked and narrowed your eyes at him.

"Yes, I got you the cinnamon roll ones."

You broke out into a smile. "You're my favorite brother...just don't tell Jay that. He thinks he's the favorite."

***

One week later, late February

You got your results back. After skimming them, you figured you'd understood them, but wanted to call Will just in case. And he confirmed it. There was nothing wrong with your thyroid.

"So it's all in my head?" you asked. "My body hates me because I'm stressed? God, I can't even do basic human functions right."

"Y/N, what did I tell you? It's normal to be stressed out like this. It's a big thing," Will said over the phone.

"Don't you think I know that?! This is my whole career here! My whole life!" You took a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

"It's okay," he said. "You're super stressed out. But, you'll get in somewhere."

"Yeah, that's what everyone keeps saying." Then, your phone vibrated. "Hang on. That might be a school."

"They're calling you? That's a good sign, Y/N."

"They're not calling me; I put their emails as important so it'll notify me. I'm putting you on speaker while I read this."

You quickly put Will on speaker and then navigated to your emails. "It's the one in Hawaii," you told him. You held your breath as you opened the email. You skimmed it. And you stayed silent.

"What? What's it say?"

"I didn't get in," you said quietly.

"Aw, man. I'm sorry, kiddo. But, you still have five more to hear back from."

"Yeah. I just...I really wanted to go to school in Hawaii," you lamented. "I know it was a long shot to get in because I missed their priority deadline because I was still waiting on my Ph.D. application results, but still."

"Hey, look at it this way," Will began, "when you're making bank as a world-renowned neuropsychologist, you'll have more than enough money to vacation there a few times a year. Just make sure you don't forget to bring your favorite brother with you."

You rolled your eyes. "I dunno about world-renowned."

"Fine. USA-renowned."

"Goodbye, Will," you laughed.

"Bye, kiddo. Have a good night at work. Maybe drink a glass of wine before going to work. Just... don't tell Jay I said that. You've got what, seven hours before your shift?"

"That's actually a good idea. I'll swipe some of Hailey's pink Moscato. She's fine with it. She barely drinks it anyway."

"Alright, just one glass," Will reiterated.

"Bye, Will."

***

Two weeks later, early March

You woke up and checked the time. 2 pm. You still had two hours to sleep until your alarm went off. But, as was customary for the past two months, you navigated to your emails.

There, at the top, was one from Southern Arizona University.

You felt like you couldn't breathe as you opened the email.

Hello,

We have reviewed your application, evaluated your credentials and letters of recommendation, and would like to invite you to interview in person for the Doctoral program (Psy. D.) in Clinical Psychology at the SAU campus.

Your jaw dropped as you continued reading the finer details such as the date, time, location, and how to RSVP.

Today was Wednesday, Jay and Hailey's RDO.

You ran out of your room.

"Jay! Jay! Jay!" you yelled.

He immediately woke up from where he had been dozing off on the couch with Hailey next to him who had been wide awake. She grabbed her phone while he jumped up.

"What? What's wrong? What hurts?" he asked as he quickly looked you over.

"No, no nothing's wrong! I got an interview with Southern Arizona! It's in person in two weeks!"

"That's great, Y/N!" Hailey said at the same time that Jay said, "See? I told you that you'd get in somewhere!"

"I didn't get in yet, Jay," you told him.

"I know, but you're still one step closer."

You pulled out your phone. "I know Will's working, but I gotta text him and tell him!"

Hailey groaned as she looked at her phone's calendar. "Shit, Jay. We have that mandatory training that week for our detective's recertification."

Jay threw his head back and groaned. "It's not even that important. Voight and Platt will let us out of it."

"You know this isn't their call. It's the Ivory Tower that schedules this one. And it's the last one of the quarter. We don't go to this one..."

"We can't work until mid-April at the earliest. We'll be suspended," Jay finished.

"Exactly."

"Will can come with me," you said. "I can't just not go and I'm not going to Arizona by myself."

"Yeah, even if Will has to work, we'd find someone to bring you," Jay said. "Maybe Kim as a backup. No way in hell are you going to Arizona by yourself, you're damn right about that."

"Listen, we'll figure out the logistics of everything later," Hailey said. "For now, you just go back to bed so you're not too tired at work and then focus on being prepared for your interview. Just forward the email to me and Jay so we have the right place and date and time and we'll get everything figured out, okay?"

You smiled. "Okay."

"Now go back to sleep. You're going to Arizona for that interview no matter what," she reassured you.

"And, you're gonna do great," Jay added.

"I haven't even prepped for this yet."

"Still, I know you," Jay started. "You're gonna practice and know everything and then you'll do great. Now try and get some sleep before you have to go in tonight."

You nodded and turned around, still with a giant smile plastered on your face.

***

Five days later, Monday

You rolled over and checked the time. Fifteen minutes until you planned to get up, so you knew you wouldn't be able to go back to sleep no matter how hard you tried.

You immediately navigated to your emails as you had done for the past two months.

There, at the top, was one from Kansas City Health College and University in Missouri.

Hi, Y/N!

We have reviewed your application, and the committee is interested in offering you an opportunity to interview. Are you available this week or next?

Your jaw dropped and you broke out into a smile.

Another school wanted you! You might have options now!

You knew Hailey and Jay were unlikely to be home right now, so you went to your text messages and opened the group chat between you, Jay, Hailey, and Will.

I got an interview for Kansas City! you wrote.

Not even fifteen seconds later, your phone rang.

"Did you get my text?" you asked when you answered Will's phone call.

"I did," Will confirmed. "Good job! But, is the interview in-person?"

"I don't know," you answered. "I'll email them."

"Okay, just let me know. They approved my PTO request to come to Arizona with you in a couple weeks, but I don't know if I can swing another vacation. Jay or Hailey might have to go with you to this one."

"Okay, and it's an eight-hour drive from here, so we don't have to fly there if the interview is in-person."

"It seems short now, but it won't feel that way when you're driving for that long."

You rolled your eyes. "Uh-huh. Did you look up flight tickets for Arizona yet?"

"That's what I was doing before I called you. Is it your weekend off before the interview or after the interview?"

"Before the interview," you told him.

"Okay. I work a shift on Saturday, so the earliest we could fly out is Sunday morning. Then we have all day Monday to look at Pheonix and apartments and stuff and Tuesday you have to interview and we could fly home Wednesday or Thursday. How long did you take off for?"

"I have to go back into work that Thursday night."

"Okay, so we'll fly back Wednesday night, then you can sleep all day Thursday because my next shift is on Friday."

"Okay. And, I can stay at your house the night before if it's an early flight, right? I am not driving to your house at 3 am. Or you can sleep on the couch here."

"If it's early, it's probably better that you stay over here because I won't get home from work until 8:30 and then I'll probably have last-minute stuff to do. You know how it is."

"Yeah."

"Okay, well I'm gonna go so you email them and I can keep looking up flights. I'll let you know everything when I figure it all out."

"Sounds good."

Then, the two of you said your goodbyes and you emailed the school and responded to Jay and Hailey's congratulations texts.

Even if it was only two interviews out of the eleven schools total you had applied to so far, you were getting somewhere.

***

Four days later, Friday, day of virtual Kansas City interview

You opened the fridge and grabbed a hard seltzer just when you heard someone clearing their throat. You turned around with a sheepish expression on your face to see Jay standing there.

"So, we're drinking at 7:30 in the morning now, are we?" he asked.

"Your 7:30 in the morning is my 7:30 at night," you told him. "And, I have my interview later. Need something to calm my nerves before I go to bed."

"You've practiced more than enough; you'll do great. You don't need alcohol to calm your nerves."

He was right of course, on both fronts, but you weren't going to tell him that. You had researched questions you might be asked during your interview and then wrote down your answers and quizzed yourself multiple times until you were confident that you knew everything. You even had your coworkers quiz you on them last night and had Jay quiz you on them Wednesday night so that you knew for a fact that you knew everything. There were obviously questions that could come up that you weren't prepared for, but you had prepared for it as best you could with the information you currently had.

"I know," you begrudgingly agreed. "But still, let me do this. It's not like you haven't drank to calm your nerves before."

"She's got a point, Jay," Hailey said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere and maneuvering around Jay to get to the counter and begin making herself a cup of coffee.

"Why are you always on her side?" he asked.

"Technically, I'm not taking sides, just stating a fact. Let her have the drink. It's not like she's gonna get drunk. She's too smart to get drunk hours before her interview anyway."

"Thanks, Hailey," you said and then walked past Jay, who made no move to argue with you.

"Just, remember to put the can in the recycling when you wake up. And good luck with the interview later. Don't miss your alarm," he told you.

"I won't. I set one for like every minute from when I need to wake up to ten minutes after," you reassured.

And, when you made your way to your room, you could've sworn you heard Jay whsiper something along the lines of You're gonna be the death of me? You know that, right? to Hailey.

***

You felt like the interview went well. There were only two questions you hadn't practiced answering: (1) tell me about working with people from diverse backgrounds and (2) tell me about a time you had too much on your plate. How did you go about handling that?

Not to toot your own horn, but you felt like you gave pretty good answers to those questions despite being under pressure and not having practiced those beforehand.

Now though, it was time to calm down and try to go back to sleep for a few more hours before work. You had only gotten five hours of sleep before the interview and wanted to get at least another three before having to wake up again, do your morning routine, and go back to work.

So, now you needed to calm down and fall asleep without taking melatonin. So, you decided to go take a nice hot shower.

You didn't take long, only about fifteen minutes, and the minute you went and sat down in your bed to read to try and get your adrenaline to go down a bit more, your phone rang.

Will.

"Hey," you answered.

"So, how'd it go?" he asked. Honestly, he seemed more excited to talk about this than you did.

It was at this moment that you actually grasped how well you might have actually done during the interview phase.

"It actually went really well! There were only two questions I didn't know the answer to."

And then, you talked to Will about what the questions were and the answers you gave so that you could be prepared for your interview with SAU in a little under two weeks.

"Well, I'm gonna let you go so you can get some sleep, okay?" he said.

"Yeah. Hopefully reading for a bit will make me tired. I already took a hot shower to calm down, and it's calmed me just a little bit."

"It's the nerves," Will began. "You've been trying to get to this point for so long and all your adrenaline just hit you. You'll crash soon and sleep hard, though. Go, I dunno, make some tea to drink while you read or something," he suggested.

"That's actually a good idea. Thanks, Will."

"Anytime, kiddo. Now try and get some sleep. Make sure to text Jay and Hailey that the interview went well too because they probably want to know even if they're out chasing criminals all over the place."

"Doubt they could get to their phone to see the text if they're chasing people," you pointed out.

"You know what I mean. Now get some sleep."

***

5 days later, Wednesday

You woke up to someone gently touching your shoulder and saying your name.

"Y/N, you okay?"

Jay.

You grumbled, "Mhm. Why?"

"It's ten o'clock at night," he answered.

You rolled over and touched your phone, causing the screen to illuminate. Lo and behold, Jay was right. 10:02 pm.

You had worked six days straight since it had been your weekend on, and normally after these long stretches, you did sleep like ten hours, but you had never slept twelve. Granted, you did go to bed at around 10 am instead of your usual 8:30 because you had a doctor's appointment to follow up on your irregular periods (which were getting back to normal finally) and then you woke up around 1 pm for about an hour, but still, it was weird that you had slept this long.

"Guess I was just tired," you said. "I'll get up soon."

"Don't sleep all night. That's gonna mess you up for your shift tomorrow night."

"I know, Jay. I've been on nights for eight months now; I think I know what I'm doing."

"Okay, well, there's dinner in the fridge if you want some."

"Thanks."

Then, he left your room and you turned on your bedside lamp and sat up in bed, and opened your phone.

As was normal for you now, you navigated to your emails to see if you had heard back from any schools.

A few emails down was one that made your breath catch in your throat and your hands begin to shake.

From: Kansas City Health College and University

Subject line: Update KCHCU Admissions

You opened it and there was what looked to be a scanned document with the school's logo on top and the very first word was bolded and in cursive.

Congratulations!

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped. You felt your heart beating out of your chest.

We are pleased to inform you that you have been admitted *with a Conditional Acceptance* to our program of: Doctor of Clinical Psychology (PsyD) for the Academic Year 2023-2024.

We hope this is one of many achievements in your professional career as a result of your continuous efforts.

*Please be aware that this is not your official acceptance notification. Official acceptance letters will be sent out upon completion of the required documents. Please fill out the attached documents as soon as possible.*

Sincerely,

The Admissions Office at Kansas City Health College and University.

A huge smile formed on your face as you shot out of bed and ran to Jay and Hailey's bedroom.

You quickly knocked on the door. "Nobody better be naked in there because I'm coming in!"

Without waiting for a reply, you opened the door. And, luckily, the only piece of clothing Jay was missing was a shirt (and you could see this because he had quickly sat up in bed and turned on his bedside lamp just as you opened the door).

"Some of us have to work in the morning, you know," Jay said.

At this, Hailey walked out of the bathroom, clad in her pajama bottoms and a t-shirt with her hair wrapped in a towel.

"You probably laid down two seconds before she knocked on the door," Hailey said.

"Technically, it was ten seconds," Jay sassed.

"Yeah, yeah," you said dismissively. "But I checked my emails and I got into Kansas City!" you exclaimed.

Hailey gasped. "Yay! Congratulations!" Then she made her way over to you and gave you a hug.

"See, I told you you could do it," Jay said and stood up and hugged you, too. "But, your first pick is still Arizona, right?"

"Yup," you told him. "But at least I have a backup school now if I don't get into SAU."

"So, what do you have to do now?"

"Fill out some documents." You passed him your phone. "Here's the email."

Jay told you to make sure you send in the documents by the deadline, which caused you to roll your eyes.

"Don't you have to pay something to secure your spot?" he asked.

"I think so," you said. "But it shouldn't be a ton, so if I get into SAU and have to tell them I decided to go to another school, I shouldn't be losing out on too much."

"Okay, good. See, I told you you'd get in somewhere."

"And I still have another interview."

"And you better text Will before he gets mad he had to hear it from one of us," Hailey pointed out.

"Oh, yeah," Jay agreed. "You better do that."

"I'll do that right now. Get some sleep, you guys."

"Night, Y/N, I'm so proud of you," Hailey said and gave you another hug.

"Night, kid," Jay said and gave you another hug as well.

Then, you made your way out of their room and into the kitchen to make yourself some food and coffee. As you were waiting for your coffee to finish brewing though, you made sure to text Will to let him know that you had at least gotten into one school, even if you considered it your backup school.

***

4 days later, Sunday

Your alarm sounded at 3:30 am and you silently cursed Will for wanting to get out on the first flight available. You rolled over and groaned into your pillow, but then quickly decided to get up because you knew if you kept laying down, you'd fall back to sleep and then Will would have to wake you up and you'd have to rush or you'd end up missing your flight altogether.

You heard the shower running as you grabbed your overnight oats from the fridge and then popped a pod into the Keurig.

Ten minutes later, you were rubbing your eyes and trying to stay awake while finishing your coffee when Will came into the kitchen.

"Morning," he greeted.

You groaned in response, looked up, and took another sip of your coffee. "I only slept five hours."

"And, I only slept three."

"That's not healthy for you."

"Neither is five."

You glared at him and he just smiled.

"Do you have Dramamine?" you asked.

"In my backpack. You should probably take it when we get to the airport, though."

"As long as I can get more coffee at the airport."

"You and me both," Will agreed.

***

You were not happy, let's just put it that way. There were so many people at Midway (since Jay wasn't flying with you, you and Will could fly out of Midway. Jay basically had a phobia of this airport now because he was abducted from here years ago) even though it was a 6 am flight on Sunday, that you and Will couldn't get more coffee.

"I'm gonna go find a vending machine," you said. "Can I have your card?" you asked.

You had time before you needed to board your flight and by finding a vending machine, you wouldn't have to waste time waiting in line. And, Will had told you to only bring your ID and some cash because he didn't want your debit or credit card getting stolen.

So, you went and found a vending machine and got yourself a Starbucks bottled frappuccino, and grabbed Will a boring plain latte.

"Here you go," you said and handed the coffee and his credit card to him.

"I didn't ask you to get me anything."

"Well, one it's your money, and two, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit."

Will rolled his eyes. "Thanks. I'm so glad I'm spending money to put up with you for a couple of days."

"Nah, you love me...at least, I'm your favorite sibling out of me and Jay."

"That's debatable. But you getting me this definitely earned a couple of points in that category."

Your phone buzzed. "It's Jay," you said after reading the text. "He said to have a good flight." Why your other brother was up at 5 am on a Sunday baffled you, but you figured it had something to do with his need for a consistent schedule and structure from his army days.

"He text it to the group chat?" Will asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"I have my phone on silent and if he only texted you that, then I'd be offended."

"That would mean that I'm his favorite sibling then," you pointed out. "I'm both your favorite siblings."

"Oh, you're the favorite something alright," Will muttered under his breath. Then, he remembered something. He quickly unzipped a pocket in his backpack and handed you the packet of Dramamine. "You should probably take this now."

"And this is why you're the doctor because I probably would've forgotten."

Will just shook his head. "I know. And then you'd be miserable for the entire flight, which would make me miserable and it just wouldn't be a good time."

You just took the pill in response and handed the package back to him. "I get the window seat," you told him.

"I already planned on it," Will answered.

And fifteen minutes later, you were in line to board.

***

After waiting in line for an hour to get your rental car, you were finally out of the airport in Pheonix. Because of the time difference between Pheonix and Chicago, you got into Pheonix around 8 am, and it was currently a little past 9 am. And needless to say, you and Will were hungry.

"You sure you're good to drive?" you asked. "They said I could drive it, just that I can't be the main renter."

It shocked you that you could actually drive a rental car since you weren't 25 yet, which is the age that you could legally rent a car. But, turns out, you could be a driver, just not the one who was the primary renter.

"I was there, I know," Will said. "And, I'm good to drive. I've worked lots of 24-hour shifts running on little sleep, so I'll be fine."

"Okay. But if you need to switch drivers, let me know."

"I will. Now, what sounds good to eat?"

"I say IHOP."

"Pancakes and a pot of coffee it is then," Will agreed.

You put in the address for the nearest IHOP and made your way there.

And when you were at the restaurant, Will may or may not have taken a picture of you devouring your pancakes and sent it to the group chat that only contained him, Jay, and Hailey.

***

The next day, Monday

"I say we leave Jay home more often," you said when you woke up the next morning around 8.

Jay was always the one who was go, go, go while on vacation like he couldn't relax. He'd have had you running around Pheonix until midnight if he were here and he more than likely would've woke up at 6 to workout and then made a ton of noise rummaging around for his suitcase that he would've woken everyone else up in the hotel room, too.

"I would ask you if you slept well because you said that," Will began, "but I know you did because you were snoring. I should've smothered you with the pillow."

"I'm telling Jay if I come up dead in here that it was you," you said.

"And I'm telling him that you don't want him to come on vacation because he wakes you up early."

"He knows that! It's common knowledge!"

Will rolled his eyes. "Hurry up and get ready or do whatever you need to do so that we can go get some breakfast downstairs before all the good stuff's gone."

"Can we get coffee somewhere later? I looked up some coffee shops near here."

"Let's just get breakfast first and then we'll go from there."

***

The morning was spent looking at possible apartments, going to a bookshop that doubled as a coffeeshop (and buying a new book of course), and then going out for Mexican food for an early lunch (which had the best salsa you had ever tasted).

Then, you went back to the hotel and got ready to go to the pool.

"You can go down without me," Will said.

"You're not coming?" you asked.

"I gotta make a phone call. Work stuff," Will lied.

"Okay, see you down there," you said and grabbed a room key, and left to go to the pool.

Two minutes later, when Will was positive you were at least off the floor you were staying in, if not out to the pool by now, he pulled out his phone and dialed Jay's number.

"Everything okay?" Jay asked the minute he picked up.

"Yes, everything's okay."

"Well, if you're only calling me to brag about the chips and salsa you got, then it's in your best interest to hang up now." You had been sending pictures to the group chat between you, your brothers, and Hailey, and needless to say, Jay was jealous.

"Okay, fine," Will relented. "Everything's not okay. I don't know if I want Y/N staying here."

Now, Will had Jay's full attention. "Bad neighborhoods? What's it like? I can try and look into stuff for you, but I don't have jurisdiction there, so it might be hard to do."

"Dude, it's like Chicago, but it changes a bit faster here. You have wealthy people on one side of the street and then poverty on the other. The building her school is in is just down the street from a homeless encampment. And, she's a girl living by herself. I dunno about her living her, man."

"Well, all the schools she's applied to are in big cities, so she's gonna get that anywhere."

"I know, I know. It's just, the shit we see every day..."

"I get it," Jay agreed. "How did she react to the apartments? And the school?"

"Well, her face dropped when we saw the school. It was like in an industrial area and it's just a building. And, the apartments, the one she likes and the one she said would probably be safest would run her like $1800 a month just for the apartment, not including utilities, groceries, etc."

Jay whistled on the other end. "Shit. But, it's like that everywhere."

"I know. If she goes here, you're gonna need to fly out here and look at apartments with her because you might be able to figure some more stuff out."

"Yeah, if she gets in me and her will take some time to look at apartments out there. Maybe bring Hailey, too."

"Okay, good. And, I'm willing to pay a little bit of her rent if it means she'll be safe."

"Me too," Jay agreed. Then, he remembered something. "Hey, I think one of my old army buddies does construction for apartments out there. I'll see if he can give you some places to check out that he thinks are safer and text you if he tells me anything."

"That would be great, Jay. How's the training going?"

"Let's not talk about that when me and Hailey are on our lunch break, okay? It's a pain in the ass but I have to do it."

"Alright then. I'll let you wallow in your own pity while me and Y/N go chill at the pool. Bye, Jay."

"You're an ass," Jay laughed. "But have a good night. I'll text Y/N tomorrow before her interview and I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. I want to know how it goes." Will heard someone's voice on the other line, he assumed it was Hailey. "And Hailey wants to know how it goes, too." (Will was right.)

"I'll make sure to tell her. Have a good night you two."

Then, Will ended the call and changed, and headed down to the pool where you were soaking up the sun while reading a book on your iPad.

"Hey," Will said after he sat down next to you. "I talked to Jay. He's got an old army buddy that does apartment work around here. He's gonna talk to him and see if he can give us some apartments to look at."

"Okay, good," you said and then paused your reading timer. For the first ten minutes you were down here, you had began making a pros and cons list on your iPad. "Kansas City's looking pretty good after looking at rent prices and the cost of living over here."

"So, you're leaning towards Kansas City then?" Will asked. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't surprised. SAU had been your first choice since you had gotten the email saying that they wanted you to come for an interview.

You passed him your iPad. "You can look at my pros and cons list."

He took a minute to read it and then handed it back to you. "Kansas City has a study abroad program? You never told me that."

"Because I don't know if I'll be going or not. They have a campus in Spain and they saw that I minored in Spanish, so they said that if that's something I want to do, that it's an option. And, I had to miss my study abroad because of covid. It all depends on if I feel comfortable taking all my classes in Spanish though and how it will work out with my classes and my practicum schedule."

"That's great, Y/N! If you go to Kansas City, you should definitely look into it. And, I'm sure some of the students speak English and would be more than willing to help you if you needed it. The profs probably speak English too."

"I know. It's just, learning about the brain and psychology in my second language after not having learned much in undergrad even though I have my minor in it, is a little scary."

"Then you don't have to go. But, you have the option at least if you go to Kansas City. And, Kansas City doesn't have assistantships?" Will asked.

Assistantships are where a student does some kind of work for the university and, depending on how many hours you work, half or all of your tuition is paid for by the university and they'll give you a living stipend.

"No. But, SAU does. I just don't know if the assistantships are for the campus I'm going to or the main campus. It's more expensive here and if I don't get an assistantship, I don't know how I'm gonna be able to afford rent," you told him.

"What's the tuition cost for the programs?" Will asked.

"About the same," you answered.

"So, Kansas City: Spain, no assistantships, lower cost of living. And SAU: no Spain, possible assistantships, higher cost of living?" Will asked.

"Yeah," you answered. "Them having assistantships at that campus is gonna play a big part in if I go to school here or not."

"Let's just focus on the interview for now and make sure to ask them about that tomorrow. You got into one school for sure. Just focus on what you can control tomorrow and then decide. Okay?"

"Okay," you answered.

"I know it's hard to do right now, but just relax. Everything will work itself out eventually."

***

Tuesday, day of SAU interview

"You're gonna do great," Will reassured as you bobbed your leg up and down on the twenty-minute car ride from the hotel to SAU's south campus.

You went to open your coffee that Will bought you downstairs before you left (you weren't drinking nasty brewed coffee from the hotel and you cited the fact that you wouldn't have time to get coffee before the interview as the reason why you needed some now. Plus, you weren't going into arguably the most important interview of your entire life without caffeine in your system.) but you had to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths before you could actually open it because your hands were shaking.

"I don't know about that," you said after taking a sip of your coffee. "I could barely open my coffee."

"We practiced last night and you got all the answers right. You'll do just fine, Y/N. Did you and your social worker come up with strategies for this?"

"Mhm."

You and Marsha had talked about how to manage your nerves during your two interviews at your previous in-person session. Your plan was to remember that you had rehearsed these answers so much that you knew these answers. And to imagine yourself answering them at your desk at home with a candle and a cup of coffee in front of you like how you had actually practiced at home. Plus, the image was of a calming environment, so it might help slow your breathing and heart rate down. And, hey, you already got into one school, so why wouldn't you be able to get into this one?

"I just don't know what to expect in the group interview."

"Just be yourself while being professional. You'll be fine."

Your phone buzzed.

Jay.

You got this! You're gonna kill that interview!

Then another text came in.

Hailey.

Good luck, Y/N! You'll do great! Think positive thoughts (easier said than done, I know, haha). Love you!

You responded to each of them with a thank you and with Jay's, you added a smiley face emoji to the end, and to Hailey's, you added a heart to the end.

Fifteen minutes later, you pulled into the parking lot.

"Take a couple deep breaths," Will told you. You closed your eyes and did as he said. Then, you opened them and nodded. He squeezed your shoulder. "You practiced. Just remember that. Good luck."

And then, you stepped out of the car, grabbed your bag and your coffee, and walked into the place you hoped you'd be going to school at for the next five years.

***

Two hours later, 10:00 am

The group interview went fine. It felt just like a conversation more or less...which kind of made you nervous. Wasn't it supposed to feel like an interview? It was just sort of weird in your opinion. You basically just talked about how fucked the US mental health/foster care/social services system was and how each of you wanted to change that.

But now it was time for the part where you knew what to expect, and this part arguably had more riding it than the group interview: the individual interview.

You were interviewing with someone named Dr. Haldon.

She led you to her office and you sat down. She first asked you how you were doing and you said good, a little nervous, but good.

Then, she jumped right in.

"Your statement of purpose was a little confusing to tell you the truth," she said.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Your statement of purpose seemed pretty clear-cut and easily digestible to you. "It was?"

"Yes. You talked a lot about sports psychology, but why you want to go into neuropsychology and how you want to do more with the mental health side of things, but that you want more precision. So, explain that."

"Which part?" you asked. "The sports psych, neuropsych, mental health, or precision part?"

You swore she could hear your heart beating out of your chest.

"The precision part."

So, you went into it. You explained how you wanted to be a sports psychologist because you loved hockey and always wanted to do something with sports, but that you were also passionate about mental health. So, when you found sports psych, you thought it would be perfect for you.

But, then you took a class in sports psych and realized it was more behavior-based. Plus, it wasn't as precise as neuropsych where you'd be analyzing test results based on previous data and sometimes looking at brain scans.

You also explained how when you were little, you saw your brother becoming a doctor and, being the impressionable little girl you were, you wanted to be a doctor, too. But, then you realized you were scared of blood and weren't super good at hard sciences like chemistry.

So, when you found neuropsych after not wanting to go into sports psych, you knew this was what you wanted to do because it sort of married the two: you'd get to work in the psych field with more precision than sports psych and you'd get to work in a hospital and be on a treatment team without going to med school.

(This was all mentioned in your statement of purpose--minus the med school part--so you really didn't understand why she wanted you to repeat it all.)

"Define what you mean by precision," Dr. Haldon requested.

"Um, neuropsychologists get to look at brain scans and those are more precise than some psychological testing."

"Neuropsychologists don't look at brain scans," she told you.

"They don't? When I researched them, they did. I didn't get to take a neuropsych class though because the class was full when I decided I wanted to switch specialties."

"Well, they don't. That's the neurologist's job. And, sports psychologists get to work with mental health. Are you sure what you took was a sports psychology class?"

"Yes," you answered. It was a full-year class, not just one semester, so you knew the ins and outs of this class that you had taken your senior year of undergrad.

"Well, sports psychologists do still get to work with the mental health of the athlete."

"Oh. I was taught that they had to refer out since it would be a conflict of interest."

"No. I have my post-doc in sports psych, which is why I wanted to interview you."

There it is. That's why you weren't being interviewed by the faculty you said you wanted to work with in your statement of purpose. It was because she wanted to groom you into a sports psychologist...which made half as much as a neuropsychologist, but had the same of amount schooling required.

You just nodded.

"I think you close doors before you even open them all the way."

You just took a deep breath.

Then, she started asking you some questions, most of which you had not prepared for.

"Sorry," you started in response to one of the questions. "I'm thinking. I'm just nervous."

Without missing a beat, she asked, "So, how's your anxiety?"

You stared at her. "What?"

"Well, you've mentioned you were nervous several times."

Twice. You had mentioned your nerves twice. And, any sane person would be nervous during an interview!

You didn't know what to say, so you just blurted the truth out.

"I'm going to therapy," you answered.

"I see. So how is that going?"

You should have told her that your medical/mental health history was none of her damn business, but you wanted to go to this school, so you answered the question. At least, you thought you wanted to go to this school.

"It's going well. Helps a lot," you answered. Now you decided to take charge because, after the conversation you had with Will by the pool last night, you knew that your decision to go here would be riding on whether or not you could get an assistantship at this campus. "Do you have any assistantships available?"

"Oh, yes, I was going to ask you about that as well. We don't have assistantships available. I don't know where you found that information."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "But, on SAU's website, it said that there were assistantships available. Is that only for the main campus?"

"Yes, there are no assistantships for this campus, unfortunately."

"Oh."

There was a pause as if Dr. Haldon were waiting for you to comment further. When you didn't, she posed the question, "So, explain to me why you chose the PsyD route instead of the Ph.D. route."

"Well," you began. Did you tell her that you initially applied for PhDs and PsyDs were just the backup because you didn't get into any PhD programs?

Fuck it. She already knew you had anxiety, it couldn't really get that much worse.

"I applied to PhDs first because they're fully funded. But, since I didn't get into any of those, I applied for PsyDs. And, I like the clinical aspect more than the research aspect, so there's that," you answered.

"You were going to do research even though you don't like it? A Ph.D. is five years, that's a long time to do research if you don't like it. Why?"

"Because they're fully funded," you said quieter than you had answered all of her other questions but still loud enough that she could hear you.

"So you were going to do something you didn't like for that long because the program is fully funded?" You nodded. "I see."

You went through the rest of the questions she had been prepared to ask you and you asked her if she had any recommendations on where to live around here or where current students live, in case you got into the program.

But, during all of this, all you felt was defeat. Even if Dr. Haldon's behavior was making you want to go to Southern Arizona University even less, well you had just bombed your interview; even if you still wanted to go, there was no way they still wanted you.

***

"How'd it go?" Will asked with a smile when you got in the car.

You closed the door and scoffed and shook your head. "Shitty."

"What?" he quickly moved the car into a parking spot so that you two could talk. "Why?"

"I didn't even get to interview with the faculty I wanted to interview with! And the lady who interviewed me was bitch! She questioned my abilities and made it seem like I was supposed to know everything and- and- ugh!"

You blinked your eyes rapidly and fanned them so that you didn't cry and then have to wipe your face and smudge your mascara and foundation everywhere.

"Okay, calm down. Take a deep breath. What happened exactly?"

And so, you relayed the story of your individual interview with him.

"First off, she was wrong to question if you had anxiety or not. That was unprofessional. And secondly, if you knew everything, you wouldn't be here; you'd already be a neuropsychologist. She can't expect you to know everything. That's why you're going to school."

"Yeah, I guess," you agreed.

"And, at least you interviewed here. That way you saw this now instead of seeing it when you got in after deciding to come here. Remember, you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you."

You sniffled. "Thanks, Will. Sorry, I made you take time off work to just come down here and for me not to get into this school."

"Hey, no. It was a nice little vacation from the cold. And, you might still get in."

"Yeah, but I'm leaning towards Kansas City now even if I do get in."

"Okay. Wherever you want to go. It's your decision. I know you wanted somewhere warm, Y/N. But Kansas City might be the place for you."

"Yeah," you agreed quietly.

"I drove around and looked at some possible apartments for you, but now I think we should just go get some ice cream. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds like a great idea."

And then, instead of ice cream, you got the gooiest chocolate chip cookie of your life topped with caramel. It didn't fix everything, but it sure made it better.

And, when you called Jay in the car to explain to him everything that happened at your interview, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little relieved that you probably wouldn't be moving 25 hours away from him.

***

A month and a half later, early May

It was finally time for you to go to Kansas City to look at the school you would be attending and start apartment hunting. You had been apartment hunting as much as possible online, but it was really hard to know an area and know if you liked an apartment by looking online. So, you and Jay were driving down, and then Will was flying down after his shift later tonight so that he'd be with you to visit the school during the interview later morning tomorrow. (You figured he was the best bet to bring since he knew more of this stuff than Jay. And, you weren't gonna bring both brothers. You were in graduate school, not undergrad; bringing both of them would be overkill.)

You were a little over four hours into your drive and the sky had started to darken about half an hour ago. Since you were currently the passenger and Jay was driving (you planned on switching drivers when you got into Kansas City so that you could practice driving there with someone else in the car), he had you check the forecast to see when it was going to rain.

Your phone had told you in about two hours, and you hoped to be close to Kansas City by then.

And then, yours and Jay's phones went off at the same time, almost giving you a heart attack. You looked at the alert.

"There's a tornado warning near us," you told Jay.

"A watch or a warning?" he asked.

"Warning."

He cursed under his breath. "Hopefully we'll miss it. Keep an eye out for funnel clouds. How far away are we from where it was spotted?"

You went on your phone to start looking for more information, and not even two minutes later, it started hailing.

You grabbed your sweatshirt from the backseat so that in case the hail shattered your windshield, you'd have something to put over your face to protect your eyes.

The area beneath the overpasses quickly started to become full of cars and semis that were finding a place to hunker down for the time being. Jay reached down flip something and then cursed when he realized what he was looking for wasn't there.

"And, it's in your car. Great," he said.

"Why? You want a new truck if we were driving yours and the windshield breaks?" you asked as you continued to scroll through your phone for more information.

"No," he answered. "I could put on my lights and sirens and probably find us a police station to camp out at. And, I'd be able to listen to important stuff like where an accident is, from my scanner. And, my windshield and windows are bulletproof. The hail's small enough now that it shouldn't break your windshield, though."

You nodded. "And, that bulletproof glass isn't going to help much if we drive into a tornado."

"That is true," he agreed. "Can you text Will and Hailey and let them know what's going on?"

You did so and immediately got responses from both Will and Hailey.

Hailey: WHATTT???

Will: Go find somewhere to post-up.

You responded to the group, even though you were mainly responding to Will's question, by telling them that you were trying to find something to take cover underneath, but that the areas underneath the overpasses were all full, so you were gonna keep driving.

Then, Will and Hailey replied with some form of stay safe and Will told you to keep them updated. Hailey also said to tell Jay that she loved him.

"Hailey says she loves you," you told Jay.

Jay laughed. "This is arguably safer than us getting shot at every day. But tell her I love her, too. You can tell her the getting shot at thing, too, if you want."

"She'll probably send a middle finger emoji if I tell her that."

"Yeah, probably."

You texted and told Hailey that Jay said he loves her, too and Will responded asking if he's chopped liver. So, you told him that you and Jay loved him too, but that you should both be fine and that you'd stop driving once you found a place to hunker down at.

After driving for ten more minutes, the hail was coming down so hard that you and Jay could barely see, so he took the first exit he saw.

"Look for places with empty spots," he told you, referring to places with awnings over them so that you'd be covered.

You looked and there was a bank...full. A church with a small awning...full.

Then, Jay spotted a self-service car wash and did what was probably an illegal U-turn to turn into the parking lot.

There were three stalls and the last one on the right was empty. You both thanked your lucky stars and pulled inside.

Jay breathed a sigh of relief as he put the car in park. "Tell Will we're safe."

Then a thought came to mind. "You think Will's gonna be able to fly out tonight?"

Jay looked at the clock. It was almost 3 pm and Will's flight didn't leave until 11 pm. "His flight doesn't leave for another eight hours, so hopefully. If not, I'll just go tour the school with you."

"Okay."

"It's always an adventure with you, isn't it?"

You laughed and shook your head. "And we're not even to Kansas City yet."

After hunkering down for a bit, the hail had let up and you got back on the highway and continued driving. As it turns out, you had been driving the way the tornado was heading. Hail started up once more, but only kept up for five minutes. And, twenty minutes later, there were blue skies on the horizon.

You took a picture and texted it to Will and Hailey telling them you were safe and driving again and told Will to let you know if his flight got delayed or canceled.

***

The next day, Monday

The rest of the night went fine and Will's flight left as scheduled and you and Jay picked him up from the airport and then went for some late-night ice cream. The three of you got breakfast at the hotel and you bought a bottled latte from the market area—Jay and Will thought bitter and acidic hotel coffee tasted fine; you did not.-- Then, the three of you went back upstairs to your room and you and Will proceeded to get ready for the day while Jay got back into bed and proceeded to drink his coffee, call Hailey (who was on her into work), and watch highlights of last night's NHL playoff games.

You and Will went to Kansas City Health College and University and right off the bat, you already got better vibes than those at SAU. Everyone was friendlier, maybe that was just a Midwest thing, but either way, you'd take it.

You toured the school (well, it was more like a building) and you liked it better than SAU as well. They were all about their students here and it was obvious they cared about them and their success. There was a student area complete with a fridge where you could store your lunches for the day and a microwave to use, as well as some comfy chairs and a couch for students to study on and relax. There was a little bar area where students could eat or study. And, there were even two gaming consoles in front of a flat-screen tv, a foosball table, and a ping-pong table for students to use so that they can chill out and hang out with friends. The lady who was giving you a tour even said that last week, they even had a staff vs students ping-pong tournament.

Then, you went and looked at some of the classrooms along with the lab, which you would be using for your neuroanatomy lab and she went over some of the other things the school offered, such as counseling services.

Then, she gave you time to ask any questions you might have for her, you met with the program director and asked her program specific-questions, such as scheduling and the like, and then you met with the dean of students who just wanted to introduce herself and let her know that you could come to her with any concerns you might have.

The entire tour and meetings/question and answer sessions only lasted about two hours, but one thing was for sure: you had found the school for you.

(And, once you were completely finished, Will took a picture of you outside the school that you planned to post on your Instagram tonight.)

***

"How'd it go?" Jay asked when you and Will walked back into the hotel room. This time, Jay's hair was wet and you assumed he had gone to the gym and then taken a shower while you had been gone because you'd now been gone from the hotel for a total of three hours, and despite relaxing when you had left, you knew Jay couldn't sit still for three hours watching random sports highlights or shitty, unrealistic reality tv.

"She loves it," Will said before you could even answer the question.

"Really? Better than SAU, then?"

"Way better. They really care about their students." You then recapped everything you learned, including the student lounge area, how small the cohorts were, etc.

"I'm glad you like it. Ready to go look at apartments?"

That was what was next on your agenda, apartment hunting. You had used up the rest of your sick to take some time off in June to come back if you still needed to find an apartment, but you really didn't want to come back and look again if you didn't have to. You'd prefer to use that time to do things you needed to get done before moving such as going to the eye doctor to see if you needed new glasses and going to the dentist. And, not needing to use that time to come back down here to look at apartments meant that you could use those days for job interviews as well. That was another thing you needed to do after apartment hunting: job hunting.

"Just let me change first. I am not wearing dress pants to look at apartments. And, I'm putting my hair up," you told Jay.

After quickly changing into something more comfortable and putting your hair up, Will changed his clothes as well and the three of you went out to the car to start apartment hunting.

***

You had been looking at apartments online in a historic district called Regent's Circle. It looked very pretty in the photos, but they couldn't really do it justice. Once you parked and walked around, you knew this was where you wanted to live.

Since it was a historic district, it had old townhouses and cobblestone sidewalks, as well as a little coffee shop that Jay said you could go to after you looked at some apartments, a park right in the center of the area, and even a community garden.

It made you think of all the vintage cities you saw in photos and, since your grad school didn't have that old-timely Harvard/Yale feel, at least the place you were living would...if you could find an apartment here, that is.

You had three apartments you wanted to check out that you had found online, but if you found ones while walking around, you'd look at those as well.

The first one you looked at was nice, but it was really dimly lit and dark inside, which you didn't really like. You'd live there if that was the only thing available, but you didn't want to. (At least it was a loft and had exposed brick like you wanted. But, you had filtered for lofts. You wanted something like Kelly and Stella's apartment, but on a smaller scale...and something that you could afford.)

The second one you looked at, you absolutely fell in love with.

It was more expensive than the previous one, but it had a pool. And, something Jay liked was that the parking lot was gated and you needed a code to get in and you'd be on the second floor.

It was a one-bedroom and was a loft style, of course, so it was very open. There was a long marble island, so you wouldn't even need to buy a table, just a set of barstools. The main wall in the living/kitchen that faced the back of the building—as well as the dog park, so you could see cute puppies while watching tv—, was all exposed brick with some windows on it. There were also beams exposed in the ceiling.

The bathroom sink was separate from the shower/tub and the toilet, meaning someone could do their makeup while someone else was going to the bathroom if needed. But, this wasn't your favorite part about the bathroom. No, your favorite part was that it was a wide, circular bathtub/shower, a soaking tub if you will, which would come in handy for taking warm, relaxing baths after long days of classes, studying, and practicums.

And, something that Jay pointed out, the floor was concrete, so you didn't have to worry about spilling something on the carpet and staining it and getting charged for it. (You assumed Jay was speaking from experience during his bachelor pad days, but when you asked him, he said he was pleading the fifth.)

The apartment definitely gave you Stella and Kelly vibes and it was in a safe area.

Then, you finished the tour by looking at the fitness center and then gave the manager who had helped you your email address and phone number and he gave you a few pieces of paper with information as well as his business card.

"That's the one I want," you told Jay and Will when you were sitting outside at the little coffee shop a quarter mile away from the apartment you had just toured drinking a latte and eating a danish.

"It's a bit pricey," Jay pointed out.

"They're all like that if she wants it in a safe area," Will said.

"Would you rather have me be safe and live in a bit more expensive apartment? Or not be safe and live in a cheap apartment? Plus, there's an in-unit washer and dryer, which you know is a deal-breaker for me."

All the way back when you were in Arizona, you had told Will that having an in-unit washer and dryer was one of your non-negotiables for your apartment. You knew that being a busy grad student, you wouldn't have all day to spend at a laundromat or in a community laundry area in your apartment, so you needed an in-unit washer and dryer.

"She's got a point, Jay," Will agreed. "And, she's got some savings to pull from if she can't find a job right away."

"And it's five minutes away from school and I don't need to drive on the highway. I'm saving money in gas and time without all the traffic."

"And here I thought Will was the boujee sibling," Jay said, causing Will to roll his eyes.

You smiled. "I'll take that as your seal of approval."

And three days later, when you were back at work and had downtime during your shift, you applied for the apartment.

***

Two and a half months later, mid-July

Everything was in place. You secured the apartment you wanted in Regent's Circle in Kansas City, you had gotten an online tutoring job that was flexible where you could work from home, so you could work around your school and practicum schedules, and you were mostly packed up. (And you had gotten into SAU even after bombing the interview, but decided not to go because they—especially Dr. Haldon—absolutely did not pass the vibe check...and they got back to you two months later instead of two weeks like they had originally told you.) Your favorite coworkers had even thrown you a little surprise goodbye party complete with mini cupcakes and a few gifts, which included a card, two energy drinks, and a Starbucks gift card.

And now, you were leaving in two days, which was why you were very confused when Jay had made you stop doing laundry and packing up last-minute things and told you to get ready because you were going somewhere.

"Hailey, help me out here," you began, "where are we going?"

"Can't tell you that," she told you.

"Okay...how do I need to dress then?"

"Casual," she answered. "With a little bit of makeup."

You nodded. "Still didn't give me any hints. Rude."

And then you walked into your room to change and do your makeup with Jay and Hailey laughing in the background.

***

"Molly's? Really?" You asked when Jay parked on the street where Molly's Pub was located. "You couldn't have just told me that?"

"I'm just picking something up from Kelly," Jay answered. "And, I thought you might want to see Stella one more time before you leave and she's bartending tonight."

The three of you got out of Jay's truck—Hailey citing the fact that who knows how long Jay and Kelly would talk as her reasoning for not staying in the truck—and then walked into Molly's.

"Surprise!" was what you heard when you walked in.

You looked around with wide eyes to see a banner that said Farewell Y/N! and everyone from Intelligence, 51, and everyone you knew at Med. Even Voight was here and from snippets of conversation you had heard here and there, he was one step above being legally barred from entering Molly's.

You put your hand over your mouth as tears came to your eyes. "You guys."

"You didn't think we'd send you off without a party, did you?" Kelly asked.

"I wasn't expecting one, no."

Then Stella walked up to you. "Well, you got one. And all your drinks are on the house tonight." She handed you a drink. "Starting with this cherry vodka sour."

Stella knew that was your favorite.

A few minutes later, after everything had died down a bit, Voight came up to you while you were talking to Stella and Kelly at the bar.

"Congrats, kid," he said.

"Thank you," you replied.

"You've always been sort of like a daughter to me and to everyone in Intelligence for that matter, so I'm gonna keep it short." He handed you an envelope. A fat envelope at that. "For rent. And, there's the numbers of a sergeant and a couple of officers I know down there in case you run into any trouble."

"I can't accept this. It's too much." You hadn't even opened it, but by the thickness of the envelope, you knew it contained a lot of money.

"You can and you will. Justin never really used his college fund, and I wanted it to go to something worthwhile."

(This was in fact, a lie. This was money from Voight being Voight, but you didn't need to know that. And more importantly, Jay didn't need to know that...even though, after you counted out the bills, Jay would have his suspicions.)

You nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Stay out of trouble."

And then, he gave you a hug and left the bar because even though he was legally allowed to enter, he knew he still would never be accepted there. And, the less time he spent there, the better.

***

After talking and laughing with everyone for about an hour, Hermann yelled to be heard over the noise.

"Okay, everyone! Listen up!" The room quieted. "It's time to give Y/N her presents."

Then, Ritter came out one of the employees-only doors, pushing a food service cart containing multiple gift bags and boxes wrapped in colorful wrapping paper.

You were just about to say something when the door opened and you whirled your head around.

You jumped off your barstool and ran up to him.

"Casey!"

He pulled you into a hug. "You didn't think I'd miss my favorite kid's going away party, did you?"

"I thought you were in Oregon!"

"Just in time," Will said.

Then, you looked between your two brothers and at all of the firefighters in the bar. They didn't look surprised to see Casey at all.

"You knew about this?"

Jay laughed. "Who do you think told him?"

"Enough with the logistics," Casey yelled. "Get this kid a drink! On me!"

"Her drinks are already free tonight!" Kelly yelled. "Which you would've known if you got here on time."

"Nice to see you, too, Severide," Casey shot back.

There were a couple of chuckles heard throughout the bar and then Hermann spoke up again.

"Open the gifts so we can get this cart out of here, will you?"

You laughed and shook your head and then opened your gifts, thanking every single person as you went.

51 got you a fire extinguisher and a Slamigan, which Kelly explained was less about opening doors and more for whacking someone over the head if they tried to break into your apartment. All the doctors and nurses got together and made you the best first aid kit you had ever seen, complete with more stuff than even Jay had in the first aid kit at home and you thought his was the best at-home first aid kit around. And, Intelligence got you a master lock for your door just for some added security. Also, Kevin and Adam got you a Taser. (They had to specify that it was just from them because Jay vetoed it for the joint gift, so they got it for you themselves.) And, Gallo, Ritter, and Violet gave you a case of their lightest IPA and a 12-pack of grapefruit seltzer so that you Jay, Hailey, and Will would have something to drink while working on moving you into your apartment.

Then, they did something that was even more unexpected than giving you all these gifts: they started chanting speech.

"Here, take this," Stella handed you a shot of what you assumed was vodka. "Liquid courage."

You took it and then took a deep breath.

"I wasn't really prepared to give a speech—I wasn't prepared for any of this since it was a surprise—so it might not be the greatest," you began. You looked around the room at everyone who had come out to celebrate you tonight, of all people. "Thank you all for coming, it really means a lot. Stella, thank you for making my hair beautiful for all my dances senior year. Sylvie, thank you for helping me with my biology homework when Will was busy at work so he couldn't help me. Thank you to all of 51 for making me laugh when I had to spend days there when I was younger when Will and Jay were busy and couldn't stay with me. Kelly and Matt, thank you for teaching me how to use a fire extinguisher and how to change the batteries in a smoke detector.

"Everyone at Med, thank you for putting up with me when I went to Med to find Will even if I was pulling you away from your jobs. I'm also sorry about that." That got a couple of laughs from some people. "Hannah, thank you for all your help earlier this year. I would've been even more of a mess if it weren't for your help.

"Trudy, thank you for putting up with me when I'd run into the district looking for Jay and for always giving me money to go get a snack and a pop from the vending machines. Kim, thank you for helping me with my Spanish. Kevin, thank you for taking me for my very first ride in a cop car when you were on patrol and Kim was pulled up to Intelligence for the day. Sorry, Trudy." She glared at Kevin, but then laughed, so you knew it wasn't that serious. "Adam, thank you for teaching me how to pick locks because Jay told me that he'd never teach me that."

Now, you turned to face Hailey and your brothers and the tears started to fall.

"Hailey, thank you for coming into my brother's life and for loving him and during that time, for loving me as well. Thank you for becoming the closest thing to a mom that I've ever had."

Hailey put her hand over her mouth and blinked rapidly to hold back her tears, but then just gave up and let a few of them slide down her cheeks.

"And to Will and Jay, God I can't even put into words how much you two mean to me. You became like father figures to me. Your both have put your careers on the line whether that be to pick me up from school on time, or to leave a shift to come to one of my academic awards ceremonies. Thank you. And thank you for putting up with me for these past six months and for being there and helping me through this process. I couldn't have done it without you both."

By the end of your speech, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

And, despite saying that you didn't really think you'd miss Chicago and would relish living on your own, by the end of the night, you knew that in two days, you'd feel pangs of homesickness when you drove away from all these people who had become like a family to you over the years.

***

4 days later

You looked around your apartment at all the hard work you, Jay, Will, and Hailey had put in during these past two days. The four of you had hauled ass the past two days to get you completely moved in by Sunday night so that Will, Jay, and Hailey could leave and be home at a decent time in the morning so that Will could make it to his 3 pm-3 am shift on time.

"We should probably get going," Will stated. He had said that an hour ago, but there had been a silent agreement between the four of you to prolong your brothers' and sister-in-law's stay as long as possible. Even though you said you were more excited than nervous, it didn't mean that you wouldn't miss them.

You were not going to cry because you knew if you started crying, you'd want to jump in Jay's truck and go home with them, and you knew you couldn't do that.

"One last picture," Hailey said and pulled out her phone, and handed it to Will, who was the tallest of the four of you.

You all crowded together while Will held Hailey's phone and took a selfie.

Now, it was time for goodbye.

Hailey was up first.

"I'm gonna miss you," she told you.

Tears sprang to your eyes. "I'm gonna miss you, too. Make sure Jay doesn't get shot, okay?"

"I'll do my best. You know he's a bullet magnet."

"Unfortunately."

Then, you gave her a big hug. She knew how much she meant to you and vice versa, so there wasn't a need for a long, drawn-out goodbye between you two.

Next up, was Will.

He pulled you into a hug and told you he'd love and miss you and then pulled away and put his hands on your shoulders.

"You call me if you need anything, okay? And I mean anything."

All you could do was nod because you knew if you said anything, you'd just start crying.

Last but certainly not least, was Jay.

He gave you a bone-crushing hug, during which you tried not to sob.

But, when he pulled away and you saw him trying his best to hold back tears, that's when the waterworks started.

"I'm gonna miss you, so much!"

Jay hugged you again. "And I'm gonna miss you, too. But I am so, so proud of you."

You nodded and wiped your tears. "I love you, Jay Jay."

"Love you, too, kiddo."

Jay took a deep breath to steady himself. "We need to go, but if you need anything at all, I'm only eight hours away, about five or six with lights and sirens."

"I know. Voight might kick your ass for using them all the way to Kansas City, though."

"That would probably be Platt, which is arguably scarier."

Then, you walked the three of them to your door and watched them leave.

Hailey sent you the picture and you posted some highlights of these two days including another picture in front of your school of the four of you that you had a passerby take and some funny videos you took while moving in, one of which was Jay and Will arguing over how to build a couch because Jay refused to read the directions.

Then, you posted all of these on your Instagram with the caption Onto the next adventure.

Jay and Hailey both reposted the post on their Instagram stories with Jay captioning it Not a dad, but I think this is what being a proud dad feels like with a heart emoji at the end, and Will posted the picture of the four of you in front of your school on his account with the caption Soon, there will be two Dr. Halsteads.

And, little did you know, Jay, Will, and Hailey did not have to be back tomorrow because Will had to work. That was a lie. They were getting a hotel room to make sure everything went okay on your first night alone in your apartment.

Because even though you were living on your own and would be a state away, they would do anything to help you succeed, whether that be helping you with applications, going with you to an ultrasound, or telling you a white lie so that they could make sure you were okay.

You wouldn't trade them for the world.

And, Jay had been right: you got this.

A/N: If you made it this far, congratulations! You finished my longest imagine ever! If you liked it, don't forget to reblog/like and comment because I love hearing what you guys think! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @911ls-tarlos @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things @herecomesthewriterwitch @liampayne88 @glitterquadricorn @luvreading67 @smoothdogsgirl @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff@actlikesummerr @lcothr523 @star-wars-lover​

[h4lfaheart]

Invisible String, a Halstead!Sister fanfiction

Chapter 8 on!

[enchantedblackrose]

Could Be

not my gif, full credit to the maker. Please lmk if it's you!

Pairing: Jay Halstead/ fem Reader

Warnings: None? Unedited. Mistakes are all mine

Summary: After witnessing y/n date all the wrong guys, Jay decides to do something about it

Could Be

Jay walked into a very crowded Molly's, but that didn't stop him from noticing you right away. You were tucked back in a corner with only your drink for company. As he studied you it became evident that something was bothering you. Brows furrowed, mouth tightly drawn into a frown he watched as you  placed your phone down and fidget with the straw of your drink but never taking a sip as if you were preoccupied. He saw your shoulders heave with what had to be a heavy sigh.

"Hey Jay, get you a drink?" Stella called out from behind the bar, breaking him from studying you more.

"Uh," he stammered. Stella followed his gaze to you. She smiled knowingly to herself and just shook her head before Jay looked over at her. "Yeah, I'll take a beer, please," he said slipping out of his jacket and sitting at the bar. Stella placed a bottle down in front of him and he murmured a thanks and shot another glance in your direction before looking back at Stella. "Hey, uh, do you know what's wrong with y/n?" He asked nonchalantly but without looking Stella in the eyes.

Stella hesitated. "It's not really my place to tell, but since you're asking...that loser she's been seeing dumped her."  Disdain dripped her voice.

"Really?" Jay asked, smiling despite himself. Stella even detected a sparkled in his eyes.

"Jay..." she said warningly out of protectiveness for you, her friend. But she stopped, knowing beyond doubt Jay was a good guy and didn't need a lecture about treating you right. Besides, she had watched Jay pine for months over you.

"Get me another of whatever she's drinking. Please?"

"Up for company?" Jay asked approaching your table and holding out your drink of choice as an offering. You looked up and Jay thought he saw your face light up, even for just a moment.

"Please," you indicated for him to sit.

"You want to tell me about it?"

"About what?"

"Whatever it is that has you upset?"

You smile humorlessly "How do you know I'm upset?"

"I'm a detective, y/n. A good one at that."

This time, you give a genuine smile before sighing. "I can't seem to meet a good guy. Ever. Even in high school. I dated this guy who still had photographs of his ex girlfriend hanging on his bedroom wall. Said he had them still hanging up because he was in the pictures, too. But I knew it was because he was still in love with her. Then there was this other guy who had his sister call me and break up with me."

Jay let out a low whistle, "Yikes,"

"And in college-" you abruptly stop talking. "I'm so sorry. You don't want to hear all this. I got caught up feeling bad for myself."

"It's okay. I asked you what was wrong, remember?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No, buts." Jay interrupts you, flashing a smile before he takes a long sip of his beer. You return his smile with one of your own. A brief and comfortable silence falls on you both as you enjoy your drinks. Jay clears his throat, "We should-"

"Thanks for-" You laugh as you the two of you started to speak at the same time.

"You first, y/n," Jay says.

"I just wanted to thank you for listening to me. And for knowing something was wrong. You're very easy to talk to. I'm glad to know you, Jay.'

"Easy to talk to and easy on the eyes," he gives you a flirtatious wink.

"That's true," you smile, pausing to take another drink. "And you're so humble, too." Jay laughs and you can't pretend you don't feel the flutter in your stomach. Because he is good looking and because being with him is so easy. It always has been.

Jay clears his throat again and nervously rubs his palm against the rough fabric of his jeans. "We've been doing this friendly and flirty rapport for months, ever since we met really. You're one of my favorite people to be around. And I know things just ended with whatever his name was, but I'd really love to take you out sometime." Hope was reflecting in his light eyes when you looked up at him, which was appropriate because hope was exactly what you were feeling right now.

Before you could answer, a beautifully tan, petite blonde appeared at the side of your table.

"Hi, Jay," she beamed.

"Uh, hey." Jay greeted the newest arrival. She went in for a hug. It was clear Jay was taken aback, but he returned the embrace awkwardly from his seat. Your eyes stayed on her, confused, while she seemed perfectly content to ignore you.

"So this is Molly's," she said, surveying the bar with a quick glance before turning her attention back on Jay. She stood close to him.

"Yeah. This is it," Jay shifted in his chair. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for our date, silly."

Your stomach plummeted, "What?" You didn't even realize you spoke aloud until she finally looked at you as if seeing you for this first time. She offered you a perfectly manicured hand.

"I'm Dana. I work at the coffee shop Jay and his coworkers visit almost daily." She smiled. "You are?"

"Leaving,' you stood quickly, draining the last contents of drink before grabbing your coat and you bag. "Enjoy your date."

Jay reached for your hand, but you evaded his touch. "Y/n, wait."

"Don't bother." You were too hurt to notice the worry on Jay's face. All your focus was on getting out of this bar as quick as humanly possible.

The cold Chicago air stung your face, but you welcomed the change of environment. You walked hurriedly to your car, fighting the urge to cry with every step. Your brief relationship with Todd just ended, but somehow this thing with Jay....over before it started, hurt even worse. For the first time in a long time, you thought you had potential for a healthy and happy relationship. Jay was one of those hard to find good guys. In fact, it was subconscious, but for a long time now, Jay was the measuring stick you used with all other men. He was kind, funny, intelligent, and attractive. Everything you wanted and more. True feelings were left unspoken and the timing was always off for the two of you, so you remained friends. You remind yourself that you don't even really have the right to be upset about his date. 

"Y/n." It was Jay. You knew before turning around it was. You unlocked your car door, took a break, and turned to see him standing just a few feet away from you.

"You don't owe me an explanation. Get back to Dana. She seems lovely." You tired to keep your tone neutral, void of any emotion.

"I want to explain, please?" He took a tentative stood forward. You sighed, but nodded. He moved closer until he was in front of your car. "I never asked Dana out. She overheard me asking Atwater and Ruz if they were coming here tonight. She thought that I was being shy and mentioned where I'd be as a way of asking her out."

"Whoa that's...wow. She must really want to go out with you."

"Can you blame her though?"

You give a small smile, "I guess not."

"She was very apologetic about the whole thing."

"So you didn't ask her out?"

Jay shook his head. 

"But you did ask me out?"

Jay nodded. "I have watched you go on dates with hundreds of guys-"

"Hey!" You interject.

He laughed, "Okay half a dozen or so since we met. A few relationships. Every single one of them was a loser, y/n. Not one of them were good enough for you, and I'm not sure I am. But I think I could be. I want to be, so will you please, please let me take you to dinner tonight?" You nod. Jay grinned, looking relieved. "I'm parked right up the street here,' he pointed to his truck. "C'mon," he outstretched his hand for yours. You locked you car back up and then took his hand in yours, fingers intertwining as you walked up the street together.

[detectivesofty]

loving you (is killing me) | j.h.

Summary: you’ve always known that dating a detective comes with risks, but you've never realized that it was even more dangerous to be split from said detective.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Author’s Note: this has been sitting in my drafts for two years so I decided to post it now lmao, happy reading

Warnings: mention of sex trafficking, alcohol and violence

Word Count: 3,4k

“Come on Y/N, you can’t be wasting away at home just because Jay broke up with you.”

“Stop being such an asshole, it’s barely been a week.”

Vanessa pursed her lips and plopped down on the couch next to you, pulling you close so you could lean your head on her shoulder. “I am sorry. I wasn’t trying to be an asshole. I know you’re hurting.”

And you were.

You and Jay have been dating for a long time. You’ve even been talking about your future together, getting a bigger apartment. But recently Jay’s been… Distant. And you weren’t sure if it was something you did or something you said. You never even found out what it was before he broke it off, and moved out of your apartment. After three fricking years. Just like that.

“If you want to, I can go punch Jay in the face, even if I run into the possibility of Hailey punching me.”

“Honestly, I don’t see Hailey wanting to punch you. You and Jay would just end up in a boxing match.”

The only thing that was keeping you from actually wasting away was that Vanessa was also going through a break up. The only difference here was that, while you were the dumpee, Vanessa was the dumper. Which you still didn’t quite understand, if you were being honest.

“I still don’t get why you broke things off with Hailey. I liked the two of you together. She was good for you.”

Vanessa sighed and unceremoniously shrugged with her shoulders, which were uncharacteristically strained. “Everything happened so fast and things were super intense with Hailey, I felt like the relationship was just breezing past me. I just needed to press pause for a second, you know?”

You pulled away to raise an eyebrow at Vanessa. This was the first time she had admitted out loud that this wasn’t a ‘pause’ and merely a bad patch in their relationship.

“Pause huh?”

“Shut up.”

Grinning, you tucked yourself back in Vanessa’s side, keeping your thoughts to yourself. You knew that Hailey and Vanessa eventually would end up together again, it was obvious that Vanessa still had feelings for her. They’d work it out. But then again, you had thought that you and Jay would work things out and where did that get you?

“Ugh, Jay’s such an asshole.”

“So we’re back on your thing, huh?”

“I am sorry, did you want to keep trying to tell me that you don’t want Hailey back?”

“Okay okay, we’re back on your thing. Jeez, woman. But you know my thoughts on this. Let’s go out. Fuck Jay. You’re a catch and you know it.”

Puffing out an exhale, you thought over Vanessa’s suggestion. She wasn’t telling you to date other people, just to go out, have some fun and distract yourself. As you thought over her words, you realized that while this wasn’t what you needed per se, it was obviously something that she needed, judged by the downcast look Vanessa was wearing whenever she thought you weren’t looking at her.

“Fine, let’s go out.”

Vanessa turned to you so quickly, you were worried she’d give herself whiplash, but she looked ecstatic, judged by her wide eyes. “Really?!”

“Yes, but please don’t make me regret this decision,” you groaned when she pulled you off of the couch and into your bedroom.

The next half hour, the two of you spent your time looking for outfits to wear to the ‘new hottest club in Chicago’ as Vanessa has put it. After fighting Vanessa for wanting to put you in the skimpiest outfit you’ve ever seen, you two agreed on some jeans and a decent top that showed some skin, but not all of it “Fine, be a prude, but if I had your assets, I’d sure as hell show them off.” You put some makeup on before you deemed it enough for a night out.

“Ugh,” you huffed when you got out of the cab. Apparently this really was the hottest club in Chicago based on how long the line to get in was. “Maybe this is a sign that we should go back home,” you said to Vanessa, trying to get her back to the cab, but your friend grabbed your wrist.

“Don’t be silly, we don’t have to stand in line. Come on, my guy’ll let us in.” With those words, she all but dragged you to the entrance and greeted the bouncer. “Hey Steve. This is my girl Y/N.”

Steve grinned at Vanessa and greeted her with a half hug. “Hey V. Your girl huh?”

“Oh, not like that,” you laughed and Steve nodded with a wink before he jerked his head towards the door.

“Get in. But don’t cause any trouble.”

“Can’t make any promises!” Vanessa called over her shoulder before the two of you headed inside the club and it felt like you had entered a completely different world. The music that was playing nearly deafened you and the decoration with the lights made the club look like an expensive version of every other club in Chicago.

“This is insane!” you yelled over the music and Vanessa grinned at you, mouthing told you so. Even though you didn’t even have a drop of alcohol in your system, you wanted to dance.

“Let’s go dance!”

Vanessa laughed at your sudden eagerness but complied anyway, stopping by the dance floor before you hit the bar. And as you found yourself crowded in by dancing people and with a laughing Vanessa by your side, you had realized that this was exactly what you needed after all. It seemed like the DJ was on your side too, as he kept playing one banger after the other and you felt obligated to keep dancing.

“Hey, wanna go grab a drink?” Vanessa asked and you gaped at her, waving your hands around.

“Are you kidding? During this song?”

She rolled her eyes at you, but it was obvious that she was pleased. “I’ll grab us drinks. G and T?”

You gave her a thumbs up and she disappeared into the crowd after a mere second. Strangely, you didn’t feel less comfortable now that Vanessa wasn’t by your side to shield you from strangers anymore and you just kept dancing and enjoying yourself. After Vanessa hasn’t returned after two more songs, you started to get worried. As you tried to find your way off of the dance floor by squeezing past a bunch of drunk people, while simultaneously keeping an eye out for Vanessa, you found a familiar face at the bar.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you muttered to yourself and immediately averted your eyes. “Where the heck is Vanessa?” You weaved through the crowd and made sure to put as much distance between you and him as possible, but you knew it was to no avail when a hand gently wrapped around your wrist.

“Jay.”

“Y/N. Are you avoiding me?”

With a deep breath, you turned around to face your ex and looked up at him defiantly. “And what if I was?”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Jay sighed softly and you tugged your wrist out of his grip, glaring at him.

“I am pretty sure you lost the privilege of trying to tell me what to do Jay.”

“That’s not what I meant. I am working. We’re trying to catch a guy who’s been kidnapping drunk women from clubs and sex trafficking them across the border.”

“What? I haven’t seen Vanessa for a while, have you-”

“She’s with Hailey, don’t worry.”

You let out a laugh, shaking your head. “Of course she is.” At least one of you got your happy ending.

Jay opened his mouth, no doubt to tell you to go home but he paused, as if someone was talking to him. You guessed that someone from the team was saying something through the earpiece. His jawline tightened before he turned his attention back to you.

“Find Vanessa and go home. I have to go. Adam said he saw Keller leaving the club with a woman, so you should be safe. But please. Go home.”

His voice was incredibly small, you could barely hear him over the loud music. It almost made your walls crumble. Almost.

“I can take care of myself,” you hissed and sharply turned on your heel to get away from him. You located the bathroom and went inside, leaning against the sink to collect your thoughts for a second.

Jay seemed so vulnerable, worried. But maybe it was just the lights. By the way he just unceremoniously dumped you, it didn’t seem like he cared a bit about you. With a deep exhale, you exited the bathroom, immediately running into someone.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Y/N?”

You looked up at him in confusion for a bit before you recognized who it was. “Steve, right. Sorry. Have you seen Vanessa?”

“Yeah I saw her earlier. Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost,” he asked and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“I am fine,” you said with a small smile.

“Why don’t you come back to the break room with me? Vanessa said she’d swing by, it’s probably easier to find her like that.”

You considered it briefly, but since Steve was a friend of Vanessa, you didn’t think for long. “Sure, that’d be nice.”

You followed Steve through the club, until you reached a door that almost wasn’t visible because it was the same color as the wall. Steve ushered you inside quickly and shut the door behind you. The break room was small, with two shelves lining the walls, a table and a couple of chairs in the middle.

“Come on, sit.”

With a long sigh, you plopped down on the nearest chair and leaned your head in your hand. Despite not wanting to follow Jay’s plea, you really did want to go home. But you weren’t going to let Vanessa stay here by herself, so you really hoped that she’d come by soon.

“Too much to drink?” Steve asked in amusement and you only shook your head.

“No, not even a drop.”

Steve chuckled and put a cup of water on the table, offering it to you.

“Thanks.” You took a big gulp of the water, before frowning at the weird aftertaste. “Is there alcohol in this?”

“What?” he laughed, shaking his head. “Of course not. It’s just water.”

Nodding slowly, you put the cup back on the table, eyeing it suspiciously. “Maybe I should just go find Vanessa. I don’t want to bother you,” you said quickly, standing up from the chair to leave, but somehow everything started swaying like there was an earthquake.

“Maybe you should just stay here” Steve said with a dark voice, pushing you back into the chair harshly. “I think you had too much to drink.”

“Sorry guys, false alarm. It was just a drunk couple. Keller is still somewhere inside,” Adam’s voice crackled through the earpiece and Jay cursed, balling his hands in a fist. He should’ve made sure it really was Keller before leaving you all by yourself.

“Fuck!”

He moved into a lesser busy corner of the club and slipped his radio out of his pocket. “Hailey? Where are you? Are you still with Vanessa? Where is Y/N?”

“I am outside with Vanessa, we couldn’t find Y/N.”

“She wouldn’t leave without me,” Vanessa chimed in, her voice muted. “She must still be inside.”

“Are you serious right now? Are you-?”

Jay was growing angrier and angrier by the second. This was exactly what he was afraid would happen. That you’d be in danger because of him. He paced back and forth, trying to think of a plan.

“Kim and Adam, search the entire club, Kevin, you take the top floor. Hailey, make sure to cover all the exits,” Voight’s voice rang through the radio. “And Vanessa… I know you’re not a part of Intelligence anymore, but we could really use your help.”

“On it Sarge,” Vanessa’s voice sounded through the radio and Jay shut his eyes, trying to get his head in order.

“Jay, don’t lose your cool. Just because we can’t find Y/N doesn’t mean Keller has her.”

“Wait, wait, hold on a minute,” Vanessa said, sounding breathless. “You guys are looking for Keller? As in Steve Keller?”

“Yes, why?”

“Oh god. He’s the bouncer of the club, right?”

“Yes, Vanessa get to the point,” Jay hissed into the radio.

“I know him, he’s- he’s a friend of mine and he let Y/N and me cut the line earlier.”

“Fuck! Are you fucking serious? Where the hell is that guy?” Jay snapped into the radio, his blood running cold.

“I don’t know!” Vanessa exclaimed.

“If he’s working here he could be in any of the staff rooms, check those rooms first.”

As soon as Jay heard those words, he raced through the club, hoping he was going to get to you in time. He pushed his way through the club, earning several dirty glances from party goers, but he didn’t spare them a second look. Jay only had one thing in mind.

You squirmed in the chair and it was hard to control your limbs. Steve had only tied you lightly, probably thinking that whatever he had dosed your water with, would render you defenseless. But you weren’t going to give up without a fight. You freed yourself from the zipties just like Jay once taught you and as Steve was talking with someone on the phone, you quietly stood up from the chair. Your stealthiness was unfortunately betrayed by a flimsy piece of tin foil you stepped on. Steve’s eyes were immediately on you and he harshly grabbed you by the arm.

“I have to take care of something,” Steve said into the phone before hanging up, backhanding you across the face, making you fall on the floor like you were made of paper. Wincing, you wiped your hand over your face and when you looked at it, there was blood all over.

“Steve, please let me go, you don’t have to do this,” you pleaded with the offender but he paid you no attention. He taped your mouth shut and tied your hands together tightly, adding tape for good measure.

You tried wriggling out of the zipties but it was no use. They were too tight and with the way you were lying on the floor, there was no way for you to get away. A single tear rolled down your face. You knew all the dangerous people Jay had to deal with and all the victims they left behind, but you never would’ve expected that this would happen to you.

Suddenly, the door was kicked open.

“Chicago PD! Show me your hands!”

You nearly started crying again when you saw Jay standing in the door, his gun trained on Steve as Adam and Kim hurried to pin Steve to the floor, cuffing him.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Jay asked, crouching down to check up on you. He gently removed the tape from your mouth and wiped the tears from your face, he was frowning so hard, you were afraid the frowns were etched into his face permanently.

“I am okay, I am okay,” you assured him, your voice croaky. You tried to give him a reassuring smile but your face hurt so much.

Jay exhaled softly, and then sat you up, cutting the tape and ties off your hands. “I was so worried,” he said quietly and stroked your cheek gently. “I thought I was too late. I am sorry, this is all my fault.”

“What?” You spluttered. “How is this your fault?”

“I… I broke up with you because I thought you’d be safer if you weren’t dating me. I was just trying to protect you and instead I pushed you into harm’s way.”

“This is the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard,” you told him with a huff, before you coughed violently.

“Come on, let’s get you checked out,” Jay said and helped you up, walking outside of the club with you. The place was surrounded by police and people were standing around, either drunk or confused. Jay led you to the ambulance and sat you down. “I’ll have to check things with Voight and then I’ll be right back, okay?” He turned to the medic, pushing one finger into his chest.

“Keep an eye on her and make sure she’s alright okay?”

The medic nodded and turned their attention to you, tending to your wounds and bruises as Vanessa ran up to you, all breathless.

“Y/N, oh my god, are you okay?” She asked, grabbing you by the shoulders gently, nearly pushing the medic over. “Sorry, I need to check on my friend for a minute,” Vanessa said and the medic rolled his eyes, before he disappeared around the corner of the ambo.

“I can’t believe your guy is a sex trafficker, V,” you said, pulling a face at her and Vanessa frowned, wrapping her arms around you tightly.

“I am so sorry. I should have known that he was a bad guy.”

“How? With your supernatural senses? Come on, it’s not your fault.”

“Still. I would have wacked that asshole straight to county if Voight would’ve let me.”

You gave her a self-deprecating smile without pulling the stitches. “I am sure you would’ve.” You saw Hailey a few feet back and smiled at her before turning back to Vanessa. “You guys okay?”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Vanessa said, following your gaze to the blonde before her attention was shifted to a conversation between Jay and the medic that was taking place around the corner.

“-and you barely bandaged her wounds, are you kidding me?”

“That officer basically ran me over, what do you want me to do, Detective?”

“What about you?” Vanessa asked with a raised eyebrow as she turned back to you and you shrugged with your shoulders, biting back a laugh.

“I think we’ll be okay.”

“Rojas, out. Y/N needs a medic,” Jay said with the medic basically by the nape of his neck and Vanessa only mouthed “protective!” at you, before she ducked out.

“Seriously Jay. Stop fretting so much. I am fine.”

“You’re anything but fine. You’re hurt.”

“Not any worse than what you did,” you muttered and Jay sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, out,” Jay told the medic who threw his hands up in frustration, walking off but not before muttering a very distinctive “Cops.” under his breath. Jay turned his attention back to you, cradling your hands. “I know I hurt you. But I wanted to protect you. Do you know what kind of target I am putting on your back by just being with you?”

“This isn’t news to me, Jay. I’ve always known that. But it’s been three years and then you suddenly just realized that? Sounds like bullshit to me.”

Jay sucked the air in sharply and he pressed his lips together, before he pulled a ring out of his pocket, showing it to you. Your eyes widened comically as you stared at the ring before you looked back up to Jay.

“Did I hit my head too hard or is that a ring?”

“I’ve been wanting to propose for a while now.”

“And the logical thing to do is break up with me, of course.”

Jay gave you a look that told you to be quiet and you pressed your lips together, though you couldn’t hold back your smile.

“The prospect of proposing to you, it made me realize how important you are to me and how I would literally lose my mind if anything ever happened to you, especially if it’d be because of me. I thought I’d protect you by breaking up with you and staying away, but tonight proved how wrong I was.”

There was a pause and you looked at him, blinking.

“... Do you always just carry that ring around, or…?”

“Y/N.”

“Right, serious talk,” you cleared your throat as he raised an eyebrow at you. “What? I am not saying yes, Jay. You haven’t even aske- get up!” You flushed when Jay got down on his knees and looked around, hoping no one had caught that. “We’re not even dating right now. Just… There are a lot of things to talk about and if all of those are resolved, you can ask. Properly.”

And a couple of weeks later he did, very very cheesily and over the top to your dismay. Secretly, you loved it, though.

[deanstead]

Mistaken

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader, Rhodestead

Requested: no

Summary: As Will finds himself dealing with an unwelcome presence in his life, you disappear in the middle of shift.

Word Count: 5.3K+

Tags/Warnings: established relationships, stalking, kidnapping, hostage situations

A/N: First time I'm trying out writing for Rhodestead so I put this as a double pairing fic. Wasn't sure I was going to let this fic see the light of day but bestie @sheetsonfire gave her stamp of approval (and I haven't posted in a while) so here goes! Kinda (read: very) nervous about this so let me know what you guys think!

JAY HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

“Hey, you wanna grab dinner?” Will asked as he opened his locker next to you.

You glanced back at him, your eyes betraying the mental exhaustion from the day. Losing children was never easy, everyone knew that.

You gave Will a small smile. “No date with Connor?” You lightly teased.

Will chuckled.

Will and Connor had been dancing around each other for almost forever and it had taken you an unbelievable amount of self control not to literally bonk their heads together. Thankfully, they’d gotten off their asses before you had to.

“Connor got pulled into a surgery so I got stood up.”

You let out a small laugh, closing your locker. “Your brother’s on a case so… dinner’s on you.”

Will laughed, nodding. “I got you.”

The both of you ended up in one of the eateries you frequented that was near Med which opened late exactly for this reason - a place that had saved all of you from many late nights. Be it when Jay came to get you from a late shift, or when you, Connor and Will needed to eat after a shift before going to crash. All four of you had even been here together shortly after the shift in dynamics - you and Jay had just gotten married, while Will and Connor had finally started seeing each other officially.

In an effort to steer both your thoughts away from work, Will started a conversation about Connor, and you watched a light in Will’s eyes as he talked about Connor, a light that had finally let its way out into the world.

“What?” Will asked, angling his eyebrows at you before you realized you were smiling cheekily at him.

You shrugged. “Just nice to see you so happy.”

Will smiled, reaching over to ruffle your hair.

“You know you transitioned into this annoying older brother role way too smoothly.” You growled playfully, your eyes narrowing at him.

Will laughed, retracting his hand and chuckling.

“Y/N?”

Jay’s voice reached you first before you saw him but it still made you smile.

“You said you were going to be late?” You said but you were already looping your arms around his waist and pressing yourself into his embrace.

Jay let out a small chuckle. “Sorry, I know things have been a little crazy.”

You shook your head, burying your face deeper into his shoulder. “I just missed you.”

Jay leaned back before leaning back down to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “Shall we stay in tonight?”

You grinned back at him. “Sounds perfect.”

It felt like it had been a while since you and Jay had done this, just stayed in, the television turned on while the two of you had a cozy meal before cuddling on the couch with the wine glasses sitting just a little precariously on the small coffee table Will and Connor had gotten the both of you as a wedding present.

“Everything at work okay?” Jay asked quietly, his arms resting around your waist.

“You know, same-old. We have the bullies, the overbearing parents, but there are also families that remind me why I became a doctor.”

Jay rested his chin gently on your shoulder, his cheek resting lightly against yours before he closed his eyes.

“I think that if you’re here, if I know that I get to come home to you at the end of any day or case, I’ll be able to do about anything.” He whispered.

You knew that voice, the voice that told you he'd had a hard day.

You took his hand gently in yours. “I’ll always be here, Jay. At the end of every difficult case, or day, no matter what.”

Jay pressed a kiss to your cheek lightly and you leaned further back into his embrace.

“Dr Y/L/N, someone’s asking for you in the waiting room if you have a few minutes.” One of the nurses came up to you as you were studying a patient’s chart.

You looked around the ED, it was a quiet sort of day but you weren’t in the best of moods since you’d lost your card holder. Just thinking about having to replace your credit cards already made you feel tired and anxious. Regardless, you nodded with a smile at the nurse, thanking her for letting you know.

Putting on your best professional smile you headed towards the waiting room, scanning the crowd for someone who looked like they’d be waiting for you.

A woman who was about your age made eye contact with you, giving you a small smile. “Y/N Y/L/N?”

You frowned just a little in confusion although you kept your expression mostly neutral and nodded. She seemed a little familiar to you even though you weren’t fully certain where you’d seen her before.

The woman just smiled, handing you back a card case that was most definitely yours.

“I think you dropped this, this morning at the coffee place. I got your name from one of your cards and luckily the cafe said you were a regular so they knew you worked here.”

You felt the relief flood your system, the anxiety that had been clawing at you the whole morning finally seeming to let up.

“Oh my god, thank you.” You could even hear the relief in your voice bounce back at you but you weren't even embarrassed. “You saved me a lot of trouble and well... stress.”

You paused as you looked at her. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. Have we met?”

The woman just smiled and shook her head. “Maybe in the mornings, I get my coffee there too most days.”

It didn’t feel like a correct answer but you let it go, reminding yourself this was not the time to obsess over unimportant details.

“Look, you did me a huge favor today. Is there something I can do to thank you?”

The woman just smiled. “Maybe you can just buy me a coffee. Tomorrow morning?”

You studied her for a bit and then nodded. She smiled, extending her hand. “Grace.”

You smiled back at her and shook it, agreeing to see each other the next morning at the cafe.

As you watched her walk back out the main door with a friendly wave, you felt that weird feeling again, like something wasn’t quite sitting right with you.

You definitely knew her from somewhere.

As agreed, you’d met Grace the next morning at your morning coffee stop and it had gone better than you'd expected, so much so that you’d talked yourself out of that weird feeling in your gut, putting it down to that tinge of social anxiety you had with new people.

You’d almost caved and asked Will or Connor if they could come with you but decided you didn’t really wanna be a wuss. Besides, the rational part of your brain was telling you that your anxiety was being irrational once again.

Grace had been easy to talk to though, so you were glad you hadn’t overreacted.

But when you opened the door to the doctors’ lounge armed with coffees for both Connor and Will, you sensed something was off.

Will was sitting on the couch, his head ticked up just a little as the door opened and Connor’s arm was around Will’s shoulders, Will gently pressed up against Connor. Even though it was no secret, they didn't usually behave much like a couple at work.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, frowning as you quickly put the coffees down on the table and headed towards them.

Will glanced at Connor. “I’m fine.”

Connor gave him half an exasperated look, even though you could still see the frown lines tinged with worry.

Will might be your brother-in-law, but way before you and Jay had gotten close, the three of you had always been great friends so it wasn’t surprising you could tell they were holding something back.

You raised an eyebrow at Connor. “Someone better tell me what’s going on.”

Will exchanged a look with Connor before he gave him a small nod.

“She’s back.”

She.

You knew exactly who Connor was talking about. That was the part that really made you feel like shit.

Will had been reluctant to call it stalking at first, reluctant to put Jay on this even though the laws on stalking had already greatly improved the past few years. But now it seemed like Will was getting concerned too.

“Will, maybe we need to tell Jay about this.” You said gently, even though you understood why Will didn’t want to tell Jay and make it all official.

Will just nodded. “Maybe. I’ll talk to him.”

Connor glanced at Will before squeezing his hand gently. “I’ll see you later, alright? I've got a surgery."

With a quick kiss, Will and Connor parted and you nodded at Connor to assure him that you were here anyway.

Will had told himself that if it persisted he'd go to Jay but she'd suddenly stopped showing up. The notes stopped and the street was empty when Will left the house.

“Maybe she finally gave up. Like she had one last look and she left.” You said, even though just saying it sounded stupid.

Will just smiled back, asking everyone to stop worrying.

“Y/N, you’re wanted in the waiting room.” Maggie called across the ED and you nodded, patting Will on the arm before heading straight out, shrugging at Maggie.

You’d barely stepped out of the automatic doors when you saw her.

“Grace?”

She looked a little frazzled, like she was startled.

“Y/N, thank god. I didn’t know anyone else and…”

You frowned, stopping her with a hand on her arm. “Okay, slow down. What’s going on?”

“My friend, she got hurt and I don’t think I can move her. It’s just at the next street. Can you…”

You frowned. “How is she hurt, Grace? What happened?”

Grace shook her head. “I don’t know, can you just…”

You took a glance back at Leah, who nodded at you quickly disappearing back into the ED.

Feeling certain that whoever it was that Leah alerted would be able to catch up to you quickly, you let Grace lead you out of the ED, so preoccupied that you didn’t notice the shift in the look in her eyes.

“Anything?”

Will asked, jogging up towards Ethan who shook his head.

Having just gotten a bit of time between patients, Will and Ethan had come out after you almost immediately but somehow you were nowhere to be found.

Will already had his phone pressed to his ear but while it had been ringing earlier, it was now dead.

“Are we sure…” Will’s voice trailed off as his eye caught on something right by the side of the sidewalk. “Wait.”

Will bent down, picking it up. There was no mistaking it, Will thought, as the key-shaped pendant from your necklace lay in his palm. “This is hers. I better call Jay.”

The ringing in Jay’s ears hadn’t stopped since he’d heard from Will.

With no hesitation whatsoever, Voight had sent Jay and Hailey along to Med, while Kim went straight to try to track movements from traffic pods.

Jay frowned now as he leaned over the computer in the security office with Hailey, watching as you spoke to a woman in the waiting room, her face not fully visible from the angle she was standing at.

Hailey glanced at Jay. “She knows where the cameras are.”

Jay nodded absentmindedly, his eyes locked on the image of you leaving the hospital - the last time any of your colleagues had seen you.

Jay ran a hand across his face as he tried to empty his brain to think. Nothing made sense. It didn’t make sense why anyone would want to take you. There’d been no violent patients that you had mentioned recently and everyone Hailey had spoken to earlier couldn’t think of anyone from the past few months either. Sure, there’d been difficult patients and family members but no one that jumped out as being dangerous.

Which meant they had no starting point. And Jay was worried that his brain was too clouded with worry to even think straight. He felt like he was missing something.

“Jay. Here.” Will said, his voice quiet as he put the necklace in Jay’s hand.

Jay’s eyes lingered for a while on the pendant now and Will glanced at his brother worriedly, unable to even imagine being in Jay’s shoes right now.

“Jay, if you…”

Will was interrupted as Jay’s phone rang, his eyes wandering towards the screen of the image capture.

What the hell?

Will glanced up again where Jay was still talking on the phone, before his eyes found the screen again, feeling the knot in his gut seemingly grow in size.

“Will, I just heard.” Connor’s voice broke Will out of what was almost a trance, turning to look at Connor.

Connor registered the look in Will’s eyes almost immediately, his eyes flitting to the screen before he glanced at Will. “That’s…”

“What?” Jay asked now, joining them again as he finished talking to Kim.

Will could barely look his brother in the eye as he glanced up.

“Her name is Grace. Grace Turner.”

Jay frowned. “You know this woman?”

Will exchanged a look with Connor, who merely squeezed his hand. “She's been stalking me."

The room was still spinning but at least it seemed to be slowing down.

Grace had her back to you as she fiddled with something on her table. You knew you should have trusted your gut.

From the beginning, something had felt off about her, like she was being too friendly. But then you’d put it down to your social anxiety, swallowing it down like a bad pill.

Yet now, as you became more aware of the ache around your shoulders from your arms being pulled towards your back, feel the rough material of whatever she’d used to tie your wrists together, you knew your gut had been right all along. You should have just listened to it.

Just as you were trying to figure what the hell you were supposed to do, Grace turned to look at you.

Her lips curled up into a smile that you’d never seen on her face before, something that made the feeling of unease balloon up in the pit of your stomach.

“You’re awake.”

You frowned, your eyes scanning her expression for more clues.

“Grace, what’s going on? What… is this?” You asked, trying your best to keep your voice level and calm, as you’d done many times in the course of your work in the ED, regardless of what you were feeling.

Grace looked back at you, blinking. “I’ve been trying to figure out why he likes you. There’s nothing truly outstanding, you know?”

You frowned.

“What?”

You weren’t sure if she wasn’t making sense or if your head was still kind of spinning from inhaling whatever drug she’d soaked that cloth with before she’d pressed it against your mouth and nose earlier.

Grace turned back to look at you now and you didn’t like the glint in her eye. “I’ve been trying to figure it out for weeks, why he's been keeping his distance. And then I saw you with him, and then I knew. It was you. You’re the one standing between us.”

You frowned, your mind spinning as you tried to figure out what she was getting at. Jay hadn’t mentioned anything in particular and you were sure if there’d been someone following the both of you around, he’d have said something or changed up the routine for the both of you.

“You… what? Listen, if there’s…”

Grace didn’t seem to be listening though. “Is it because you’re both doctors?”

Both…

“You.” You couldn’t hide the contempt in your voice as you realized this was her. She was the woman who’d been stressing Will out.

Nervous as you were, your gut still feeling like it was flipped inside out, you also felt annoyance and the extreme urge to protect someone you cared about despite the situation you were in.

Even with the ache in your arms, you glared up at her. “If you really cared about him, you wouldn’t be doing this.”

Grace turned back towards you, the anger in her eyes more pronounced now. “No one cares about him more than I do!”

You didn’t avert your eyes, the anger you felt bubbling over in you overtaking the fear and uncertainty that was still hanging over you.

“Not even his brother?” Your voice was still even, as you looked at her. “You took me because you thought Will and I were seeing each other?”

Grace didn’t say anything, just narrowed her eyes at you.

“If we really were seeing each other, did you think taking me here was going to solve anything?”

Grace exhaled loudly. “I’ve been watching you with him.”

You studied Grace, feeling your thoughts swirl. She’d been so obsessed with Will, that she saw you when you were with him but she didn’t watch you any further. She didn’t see the times that you went home or on dates with Jay. You were actually more surprised she didn’t know about Connor.

“So what do you actually want?”

Your eyes flicked to the scissors she had in her hand as you finished your question, before she stepped towards you.

Jay was quite literally going out of his mind.

They’d matched the woman’s identity, and went straight to her last known address but the apartment looked like it hadn’t been lived in for months judging by the layer of dust that had settled on the furniture. What they did find was a bunch of photos of Will scattered along the walls and other corners of the apartment.

Jay could feel the anger building inside him. Even if this crazy woman hadn’t taken you right under everyone’s nose, the fact that this was somehow connected to his brother was pissing him off so much it was taking all his effort not to punch something.

The sounds of fingers dancing across keyboards, as well as the sound of rifling papers reminded Jay that he needed to keep his head in the game.

“Hey, Jay.”

Jay glanced up to see Connor heading out of the pantry where he’d been with Will, his eyes flicking towards the back view of his brother before he nodded.

“Listen, I was thinking. Will mentioned he’s seen her around his apartment a few times, so couldn’t we…”

Jay froze. “Wait, what?”

Connor frowned. “He didn’t say anything to you?”

Jay’s eyes flicked back in the direction of his brother. “He should have told me about this when it happened.” His voice was slightly reproachful but Connor could hear the tinge of worry as well.

Connor just nodded, realizing he needed to tell Jay almost everything.

“So, can we…”

Jay’s mind was already there as he nodded, leaning back down over his computer, trying to run matches between Grace’s known family and acquaintances with recent rentals near Will’s apartment.

Jay’s eyes scanned the screen in front of him quickly before he paused. “Ruz, what did you say her sister’s name was?”

“Kayla.”

Jay frowned. “I have a Kayla Lloyd here.”

Kim was right on it. “I think you’re on the right track. Kayla Turner married Nash Lloyd three years ago.”

The team exchanged looks. Hailey nodded. “It’s the best we got so far. I say we go.”

Voight was already standing at his office door before he nodded. “Let’s go.”

Connor glanced at Will from where they were sitting in the back of Jay’s truck.

Will was glancing out, his fist curled into a ball as it rested on the seat between him and Connor. It wasn’t that he was that affected by this woman, but the fact that he hadn’t done anything which ultimately got the people around him dragged in was really eating at him.

Jay glanced at his brother through the rear view mirror before training his eyes back on the road. He didn’t have the capacity to think of anyone else but you right now. He didn’t know how to. But he could feel the fear clawing at him, but he just exhaled slowly, turning the corner towards the address they’d found earlier.

You exhaled, hearing Grace pacing outside the bedroom she’d put you in.

Your eyes darted around the room, your brain feeling like it was finally clearing up enough for you to form thoughts that were coherent enough for you to take in other details you hadn’t noticed earlier, like your phone sitting on the dresser.

Grace had been a little out for it for a while, alternating between mumbling to herself or ranting at you about Will. You hadn’t exactly pointed out the fact that you weren’t Will’s girlfriend, like she’d been thinking when she’d grabbed you. Other than the insinuation that had seemed to pass right over her head, you weren’t sure if it was going to make things worse if you pointed out that there was nothing going on between you and Will.

But you needed to do something.

You struggled a little to get to your feet, especially considering that your hands and feet were bound together but you managed to stand a little shakily with minimal sound, feeling a bead of sweat travel down the side of your face.

Gritting your teeth to try not to make any other sound, you gently hopped, grateful that at least she’d put a carpet on her bedroom floor. You angled your body, wobbling backwards as you neared the dresser, your hands finally closing around your phone. You fumbled with your fingers trying to at least turn it on so that Jay could somehow find you. You felt like it was forever, trying to wait for the stupid logo to disappear and for the phone to start but you’d just turned around again to peer at the screen when the door opened.

You froze as you watched the look on Grace’s face shift to one of rage as she took in the scene before her.

She lunged and you threw yourself out of the way, your eyes not missing the fact that she was still gripping onto the scissors in her hand. Your phone slid out of your hands and onto the floor with a thud and you felt your heart sink with it as you tried to reposition yourself on the floor, trying to ignore the shooting pains from the shoulder you’d landed on.

But you knew it was useless, especially as you heard her frustrated breath and a low growl before you felt yourself get yanked up by the hair.

She was freakishly strong for a woman her size.

That was the thought that entered your mind as you tried to regain as much balance as you could. You felt your breath catch in your throat as the threatening cold metal blades hovered near your neck right before the door crashed open.

You’d never felt such a sense of safety overwhelm you until you saw your husband’s face now, his gun ticked up high, his eyes betraying a mixed look of relief and worry at the same time, if that was even possible.

“Y/N.” Your name left his lips like a reflex, his eyes locked directly on yours, even the unspoken words putting you slowly at ease.

Jay was here.

Jay’s eyes flicked towards the woman standing behind you who looked as startled as a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

“Put the scissors down.”

You heard the effort it took for Jay to keep his voice steady, knowing that it would just take something small for Jay to lose it. So you locked your eyes on his, even though you felt the anxiety once again eat at you.

Grace hadn’t reacted and Jay kept his gun raised, his trained eyes looking around the room.

“Stay out of this.” Grace forced the words out through her clenched teeth. “I wouldn’t have done this if she didn’t…”

Her words trailed off as your body froze, your eyes catching the flash of ginger at the door.

“Will.” You felt the jolt of worry hit you, interrupted only by a growl from behind you, the scissors that inched dangerously closer towards your neck reminding you that maybe you shouldn’t have said his name.

Will’s eyes lighted on yours and despite the predicament you found yourself in, you wanted to smack him upside the head for that guilt swimming in his eyes.

Your eyes moved back towards Jay’s and he nodded discreetly at you.

“Grace. Listen to me. Put it down and we can all talk, alright?” Jay said quietly, lowering his gun just a little as a show of faith.

Grace frowned, her eyes flicking up towards Will before she spoke. “All I needed to do was get rid of her, right?”

Will’s frown deepened just slightly as he absorbed what Grace was saying.

“I was just getting rid of the obstacles standing in our way.” Grace said, her voice cracking just a little. “I see the way you look at her, but if it wasn’t for her, we'd be together!"

Will glanced at you and you frowned just as his eyes flicked back to Grace, his head shaking slowly. “I need you to let her go. Can’t you see you’re hurting everyone?”

You heard Will’s voice crack softly, Jay’s eyes flicking towards his older brother as well.

“She’s my… she’s my sister. There’s nothing… You… you’ve misunderstood.”

You could hear how much it was killing Will to keep his voice even and steady, when he was just as close to losing his cool as Jay was.

You felt Grace’s hold on you loosen just a little as her focus shifted entirely to Will. “Your…”

She shook her head, her shaking hand once again inching closer towards you. “I’ve seen the both of you… you don’t have a sister, don’t lie to me!”

“It’s true.” Will said quietly, glancing at Jay who nodded, now lowering his gun even more, Hailey stepping just half a step forward in case.

“Grace.” Jay said quietly. “Look at me.”

As Grace turned her attention to him, Jay exhaled gently. “You know me, don’t you? If you know Will as well as you do.”

Grace nodded slowly. “I just want my wife back.” He said quietly and you heard the quiet crack in his voice, one that only you would have picked up on. “Just give her back to me, please.”

“Your…”

Grace angled her head back down to you and you nodded. “I tried to tell you.”

Caught off-guard, Grace looked like she wasn’t sure what to do next. In her hesitation, her hand holding the blade moved slightly away from you, hovering off to the side and Jay nodded at you.

You threw yourself in the opposite direction, falling back down onto the ground with a crash, the pain in your shoulder causing you to groan. Jay lunged towards Grace, the metal blades of the scissors clattering across the ground as she lost grip.

“Y/N, are you hurt?”

Will’s voice reached you first and you opened your eyes, the groan escaping your lips. “My shoulder. I think…”

Jay was back at your side as Hailey took over the arrest, slicing through the cables around your wrists quickly. The relief was almost immediate and a quiet sigh escaped your lips as the pressure of your arms being pulled behind you was released, even though your shoulder still gave a small throb.

“Are you hurt?” Jay’s voice was quiet but you could feel every single emotion that pulsated through those three words.

You winced as Will’s fingers applied pressure on your shoulder but Will glanced up a little guiltily at his brother, shaking his head. “It’s a little strained but I don’t think it’s a serious injury.”

“Chloroform I think.” You told Will, glancing a little worriedly at Jay for an impending reaction.

Instead, Jay just leaned in, pressing you gently into his embrace, as if worried you’d disappear right out of his arms.

You felt tears well up in your eyes as the adrenaline still pumped through your veins, the anxiety from everything that had happened pulling to the surface, a quiet sob escaping through your lips.

Putting a gentle hand on your head, Jay pulled you deeper into his embrace, soothing you quietly and as you felt your heartbeat slow, you didn’t feel like crying anymore.

The only time Jay had let go of your hand was briefly in the ambulance when the paramedics needed to put a line in, as well as when Ethan had asked him to wait outside and you’d nodded quietly at him with an encouraging smile.

But the moment Ethan had let him back in, Jay was once again next to you almost like a bodyguard while Ethan assured him that everything seemed to be okay except that your shoulder was slightly bruised from the fall and that you were getting an ice compress and they’d examine you again after.

As Ethan left the both of you alone in the room again, you leaned your head against Jay with a soft sigh.

“You doing okay?” Jay asked quietly.

You didn’t answer immediately before you nodded. “You heard Ethan.”

“You know that wasn’t what I was asking.” A reproachful tone crept into Jay’s voice despite his efforts to hide it.

You pulled away to look up at him and Jay took the opportunity to lower himself down towards you, sitting at the edge of your bed so he could be close enough for you to remain snuggled into his side.

“I remembered where I knew her from…” You’d barely begun when your eyes caught Will hovering at the entrance of the room.

Jay glanced up, nodding at his brother who was closely followed by Connor. Connor had Will’s hand protectively clamped in his own, which only made you want to smile.

“Hey, you doing okay?” Will asked. “Ethan said whatever she gave you was probably just a sedative and that other than a busted shoulder you’re…”

You smiled. “I’m fine.”

Will glanced at Jay, which made you look at your husband as well.

“Look, Y/N. I’m sorry. This is all…”

“Will Halstead.” You snapped, interrupting him. “I swear to God, if you take all the blame for this one I will smack you upside the head. Hard.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as Will looked a little startled, even though a smile was playing on the corner of Connor’s lips.

“How the hell were any of us supposed to know this was her? Or that this woman following you around would actually think I was your girlfriend and kidnap me in broad daylight?” You said, glancing over at Jay as if this was directed at him as well.

Jay just nodded at you before looking at his brother. “Will, I wasn’t blaming you, I just…”

Will nodded. “I know. I kept thinking if Connor had disappeared…”

Connor gave Will’s hand another reassuring squeeze.

“We done?” You asked, almost accusingly at Will.

Will’s eyebrows bunched together in slight confusion as he nodded.

“Now, get over here. I need a hug from my older brother.” You snapped.

Will let out the first real smile that day and stepped forward to pull his arms around you. “I’m sorry.” Will whispered.

You shook your head. “All of you came to get me. That’s what matters.”

Will pulled away and Connor reached for his hand once more. “Told you so.”

You smiled, leaning back into Jay’s embrace. “You almost induced a heart attack today. Don’t ever disappear on me again.” Jay whispered, pressing his lips onto your temple.

You just closed your eyes, letting out a soft hum of satisfaction at being safe with Jay, accompanied by Will and Connor, the ache in your shoulder barely even bothering you anymore.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

[thestarrynightslover]

Maybe We Could Do It Again

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 4,632

Warnings: bickering and fluff.

Summary: Jay meets the Reader as they’re both babysitting Makayla for Adam and Kim and they end up tangled up on the ground and kissing.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way, or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: Okay, so this is one of the longest fics I’ve written, which might be a little too long but I hope you guys like it and feel free to send feedback! By the way, this is the first time I insert Burzek in one of my fics but I think I got their energy right ;)

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

“Oh my God, Adam! I can’t believe that even when you’re not supposed to do something you get it wrong!” Kim yelled at her boyfriend.

“What the hell-” He even tried to respond but got immediately interrupted for his bad language.

“Adam!” She hissed again, not believing how he could still curse so much now that the two of them had a child in the house.

“Sorry, sorry!” He said, nervously raising his hands, as Kim already peeked through the kitchen doors to see Jay and Makayla pretend like they hadn’t been listening to every word of their conversation in the living room. “It’s just… I remember you specifically telling me to find someone to babysit the kid, so I did it! How is it possible that I’m the one who-”

“Yes! I did ask you two to do that! On Monday! And do you remember what you told me?” He didn’t dare to say anything. “Oh, no? Because I do! I remember you saying, and I quote:” she said, even making finger quotes to emphasize the whole thing, “‘Where the hell am I supposed to find a babysitter for Makayla? None of my friends have any experience with kids!’” Kim shoved it in his face, making a very good point for herself. But, as usual, Adam decided to go against any sign of good judgment and continue to defend himself. He knew he could never let Kim in on it, but Jay himself was one of those who had already heard the officer saying how much he loved bickering with his girlfriend and getting her all fired up against him.

“No, uh! That won’t cut it! You told me, and I quote: ‘Then hire someone! I don’t know! But you’re the one who came up with the date night idea, so don’t come and throw something that should be your responsibility on my shoulders!’, so I knew that I needed to find someone! Kev and Vanessa are visiting his siblings this weekend, so I thought: why not Jay? He’s good with kids, and he offered to help us with Makayla!” Adam concluded, absolutely proud of himself while Kim just rolled her eyes.

“Oh. My. God!!! You do know he didn’t mean that literally, don’t you?” She was already fuming by that point.

“Err-” He had to admit that he’d never stopped to think about that possibility…

“No one means that literally!!” She shouted, this time, making even the neighbors hear their arguing. “No one means that literally, and, now, you’re just making us both look like the cops who can’t take care of their own kid in front of the entire unit.” She stated, in a lower, tone while pinching the bridge of her nose.

“But this is not the entire unit! This is Jay! Our friend Jay, who had offered!” Adam stood by that argument and Kim had already opened her mouth to shoot a remark back when Jay came into the kitchen.

“Makayla’s distracted with the tv.” He started with that so that they wouldn’t be worried. “Uh... Guys, Kim, you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone about this, okay? I won’t. Besides, I did mean what I said before. I’m here to help. Whatever you guys need. Plus, for someone who had plans of watching a game rerun alone at home on a Friday night, babysitting that cute little girl is almost like hitting a jackpot!” Jay assured, giving them a small smile and shiny eyes headed towards Makayla’s direction. Babysitting a kid, when he was probably never gonna have one of his own, was one of the things that he, personally, missed the most about when Will and Natalie were together. Back when Lindsay lived in Chicago, he used to be sure that, someday, he was gonna find someone. Settle down. Build a family. But, now… After everything that had happened, he couldn’t help but feel like his time to do all that had run out. So, instead of mooning over it, he could gladly babysit Makayla.

“Well, um, thank you, Jay,” Kim started, nervously tucking a string of hair behind her ear, “that’s really nice to hear. And we very much appreciate it. But-” She didn’t get a chance to finish as the doorbell rang and Adam rushed towards the apartment’s entrance to prevent his very excited little girl from opening the door by herself. When he got there, followed by the other two adults, Makayla was already standing on her tiptoes, hand-in-handle.

“Hey! Watcha doing, you little adventurous?!” Adam asked while picking her up from the floor and tickling her sides, which made her become a giggling mess. “You can’t just open the door like that, darlin’! You gotta check on the peephole first,” he said, as he lifted her up enough so that she could look through the hole, “like this. See someone?”

“Yes! It’s (y/n/n)!” She squealed out. “Can we open the door now? Please, Adam?” Makayla asked, shooting him pleading eyes, while her body buzzed with happiness.

“Ah, (y/n/n), right,” Adam said simply, opening the door and fearing that Kim would want to restart the whole discussion with him.

“Hey, princess!” And that simple greeting was all it took for Makayla to throw herself from Adam’s arms straight to yours. “Wow,” you laughed at her sudden movement, which had caused you to lose your balance a little, “you excited to see me?”

“Yes!! Did you bring the bakings???” She asked you eagerly, bakings being what she called your cooking utensils.

“No, not today!” Your answer made her face, almost immediately, turn into a sad frown. “But I brought this!” You told her while lifting up a box that read ‘karaoke set’, above a few drawings of a microphone and musical notes. Seeing that, Makayla’s saddened expression shifted in two seconds, eyes lighting up.

“Look, Kim!” The little girl shrieked, more than ready to have what she already knew was about to be the time of her life.

“Yeah, I see that! Seems like you girls are gonna have a blast…” Your friend weirdly trailed off, as her mind tried to find a quick solution to the mess her boyfriend had made.

“Uh…” Was all that a very handsome man you hadn’t met yet managed to let out.

“Jay, um, this is my best friend (y/n). (y/n/n), this is our friend from work Jay. I’m sorry about the mess, guys, it’s Adam’s fault.” Kim spoke again, bluntly accusing her boyfriend.

“My fault??? Are you kidding??? You told me to find someone to watch Makayla 'cause you didn’t want us to keep bothering (y/n)!”

“Guys! It’s no bother at all, really. Hanging out with this little princess is in my best interest, believe me!” You said, quickly defending your case.

“Well, thanks for saying that, (y/n/n). What happened here is that Adam told me he wouldn’t be able to get anyone,” Kim started while shooting daggers into her boyfriend with her bare eyes. “So, since I wasn’t about to just wait for a miracle, I called and asked you to do it. But someone didn’t think about telling me that he had already gotten Jay to come. And now you’re both here, ugh!” She finished, rather dramatically, while pointing a finger at Adam.

That was, seriously, the best couple you knew when it came to bickering.

“Okay, so, um, it’s not gonna be any trouble. I can leave since your colleague got here first and you don’t need to be stressed on your date night, friend.” You tried to bring things to a peaceful ending before Kim turned it into a murder scene.

“Oh, I do need to be stressed! I need to-” She started to debate but got cut off by Makayla’s cute pleading voice:

“But you can’t leave, (y/n/n)! We’re gonna play karaoke!” The little girl clearly had already gotten worked up by your idea for the night.

“Makayla, baby, please don’t be difficult. You hang out with (y/n/n) all the time, and uncle Jay is already here…” You watched as Adam tried to reason with his daughter while she held you really tight.

“No, uh…” Their friend started to say. Was it too weird for you to be thinking about how incredibly cute he looked when scratching the back of his neck like that? “Relax, man, I can go. I bet that you’re gonna have a lot more fun with her than with me, anyways, Mak.” He completed, talking to your little friend with a sweet smile, to which she reacted with a confused frown.

“But- but why does Jay have to leave? Can’t he play karaoke with us, (y/n/n)?” Makayla asked you poutingly.

“Now that’s something I’d like to see!” Adam started to mock but stopped when Kim punched him in the arm. “Ouch! That hurt, you know?”

“I know! That was exactly the result I was hoping for!” She squealed out sarcastically, “Makayla, honey, you can’t just ask both (y/n/n) and Jay to play karaoke, of all things, with you.” It was lovely to watch Kim interacting so patiently with her kid but the young girl still didn’t seem to understand.

“But why???”

“Well, they don’t know each other, Makayla.” Kim tried again but Mak still wasn’t ready to give it up.

“But they know me!” 

“Good luck explaining now, ma.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, all of you 𑁋 Adam himself included 𑁋 knew what was coming, fortunately, Kim just punched him in the arm again.

“You know, guys, you don’t need to fight over something like this, okay? Uh… Since he’s your coworker, I’m gonna assume that he’s one of the good guys, therefore I wouldn’t really have a problem with hanging out with him…” You said because you were never one to say no to little kids. “I mean if that’s okay with you, too, officer…”

“It’s detective, actually. But you can call me Jay, uh, (y/n), right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Well, I don’t have any problems with hanging out with you either,” Jay said and, Jesus, was that really his smile? “I mean, Mak should get all the babysitters she wants!” He told her with a wink. It was official. You were so done for the night.

“Ha!” Kim nervously let out a laugh, “let’s go easy there, cowboy! You can’t just come into my house offering the kid everything she wants.”

“Okay, okay,” the detective started to say with a gesture of surrender while the couple started to get out of the house to give you the space to properly go in. “Sorry ‘bout that, ma!” You could have sworn that you saw him tremble 𑁋 just a little 𑁋 under the deadly gaze your friend sent his way. Adam, who seemed to be off the hook for the first time that night, took the moment to laugh and hope that his girl would forget she had been so mad at him.

“C’mon, darling. Let’s get going before we decide it isn’t very safe to leave Mak with those two.”

"Yeah… I'm already deciding that but maybe they'll prove us wrong." Kim said, voice absolutely faithless. "You behave, Makayla!"

"It's more than obvious that she's going to be the best tonight. Get outta here already!" You heard Jay yelling a little in response to her, as you and Makayla started to get the karaoke set up.

But you, being the lucky person you were, obviously couldn't find your way around your friend's old stuff.

"Uh, you need any help there?"

“No! No, not all! Um, I got this!” You quickly responded because you could be pretty skeptical when it came to admitting your weaknesses and, from your point of view, not getting a simple karaoke set to work was a huge one.

“Alright, then…”

“Are you sure you don’t want Jay to help, (y/n/n)?” Mak asked, sounding way more reasonable than you, the actual adult there.

“Um, err, I guess maybe I could use some help… It’s just that this TV setup is quite different from mine…” You said, still unwilling to let how confused you were really show.

“Yeah, I can help!” you heard Jay as he left his spot in the corner of the room. “I was just ordering us pizza but I can totally help out 'cause Adam and I actually shopped for these TVs together, so I have the same one!” He said, this time, already gently getting the device from your hands before you could even react, which was probably him sensing that you wouldn’t give it up so easily, like he could see right through you.

“Okay, well, since you already ordered the pizza, I’ll go make us some juice.” As you said that you got both of your companions making weird faces at you, so you amended: “Or not, because you already ordered soda too… Just keep in mind that if Kim gets mad because of all the junk food that kid is eating, I’m telling on you, detective!” You said, making a point to stare right into his eyes 𑁋 God, they were so beautiful, was there nothing but beauty in this man’s body?

“Okay, so I think we’re all good here with the karaoke! Who wants to go first?” Hearing that you came of your very dangerous thoughts and Makayla jumped up and down, screaming:

“Me! Me! Me!”

“Alright, little lady, then come pick a song!” Jay told her and stood by to help her with her choice.

About three hours later all three of you had already sung your hearts out 𑁋 Jay having had gone for ABBA, which surprised you and Mak, to say the least 𑁋 eaten lots of pizza, drunk lots of soda and had begun watching a movie, cause you told Jay that that always did the trick when it came to Mak falling asleep. But, God, it was hard to pay attention to the movie you were supposed to be watching when sitting next to a guy like that. And he wasn’t just really handsome. He was sweet and kind and funny. Also, he was so good with Makayla. It was like everything you’d always imagined the perfect man being like was right there, reunited in the detective’s goof self. But you couldn't be thinking those thoughts about him. Not when he was so close. And definitely not when your best friend's daughter was lying on both of your laps.

So, in order to calm your thoughts for a minute, you gently put Makayla’s head on a cushion as you got up 𑁋 because she was already asleep 𑁋, and said I’m gonna get started on cleaning over there.” It was indeed necessary since Mak had dropped all of the content of a big ice cream container near the dining table, the ice cream being very sticky and sort of liquid 𑁋 which was obviously beyond your understanding but who were you to judge Kim and her preferences? 

"Oh God, lemme help you!" You heard Jay saying, as he quickly made his way from the corridor over to where you were cleaning the floor, by the dining table.

"Ah, there's no need for it. I'm used to spending time with Mak, and, then, cleaning up before Kim sees it." You told him with a sly smile.

"Ha! Well, I don't doubt it! You're really good with her."

"And she's really good at making giant messes."

"Right." He said, chuckling lightly. "But, this time, I bet you felt like there were two kids, huh?"

"Your words, not mine, detective."

"Anyways, I'll help. Don't tell Kim and Adam, cause they might spread it across the district, but I'm actually pretty good at cleaning. Especially, when compared to someone who's doing such a lousy job." At that, you instantly snapped your head in his direction.

"What did you just say?" You asked, pretending to be mad while standing up and raising your sponge, as if it was a weapon you were threatening him with.

"Uh… Uh, d- did you know that pulling a weapon on a cop is a crime?" He asked, trying to play along, but stuttering a little.

"And what are you gonna do?" Now that Makayla was asleep… "Huh? Arrest me?" Jesus Christ, you definitely weren't thinking straight, you thought as you watched Jay drop his mop, also spilling all the soapy water on the floor. He even motioned to take care of it but stopped when he realized that you were, now, standing closer. Closer than it was safe for him to be near a woman like you. So he decided to take a step backward, not remembering the floor situation and slipping. As a reflex, you grabbed his shirt when you were obviously not gonna be able to prevent him from falling.

So, you ended up falling with him. On top of him. Oh God, was that living room always so hot? Your thoughts were cut off by Jay's laugh, it was an open-mouthed laugh, just like when you two were interacting with Makayla. He didn't seem to be the kind of guy who got to laugh too much, especially given his job. But it definitely suited his features. His smile, that bright, was so beautiful.

"So you're seriously not even gonna try and get up? Just gonna stay there staring?" Hearing that, you blushed instantly, because you hadn't even realized you were staring.

"Ah, uh… Right." Now, that was your turn to stutter, and Jay was loving every second of it. He thought you looked absolutely adorable like that. Even more so than you had looked all night.

But you weren't feeling adorable at all. You were embarrassed. By the situation at hand, sure, but, also, by your entire behavior that had, pretty much, gotten the two of you in that position. What was going through your head? The answer was simple: nothing. Or, better yet, Jay's gorgeous face, body, and behavior. Just, Jay being gorgeous all night. Now, what really made you wanna dig a hole and jump right into it was when you tried to get up but the floor was so slippery that you just fell back on him.

Needless to say, he was having a playfield. Laughing like there was no tomorrow. In fact, he had relaxed completely under you, laying his head on the soaked floor.

"You know what? This is pretty comfortable. I think I'll stay right here." It was official: you had no self-shame.

"Are you serious?" He asked, trying hard to hold back from laughing.

"Look, I don't know what else to do, okay? And my brain is clearly affected by your little charm, because I just keep mortifying myself over and over-"

"So you think I'm charming, huh?" Damn it. A thousand times damn it.

"Uh… That's not exactly what I-" You couldn't finish your sentence, as Jay started pulling you even closer to him. Kissing you. Oh boy, how he kissed you…

"Oh. My. God." Both you and Jay jumped away from each other, as much as you could, the second you heard Kim say that, her being followed suit by Adam:

"What the hell is that?!?" He half-asked, half-barked at the both of you, trying hard to not burst into laughter.

"Uh, it's, um, it's not what you're thinking, guys-"

"It's not what I'm thinking?!?" Yeah… It was safe to say that Kim was pissed. "Are you sure it isn't? Because the image actually seemed pretty self-explanatory to me!" As the both of you just kept working out a way to get up from the floor, she continued: "I come back home thinking that everything was gonna be perfect because my daughter had two adults babysitting her! People that I thought were quite responsible but, then, I come home to find those very adults making out on the floor in my living room! My very dirty living room! And, by the way, where the hell is Makayla?"

"She, um, she's in her bedroom. Asleep." Jay finally spoke. "And, about the mess… We were just, uh…"

"Yeah, man, we saw what you were just doing," Adam said, looking like he was having the time of his life.

"No! That's not what he was gonna say-"

"Ah, so the two of you got along so well that now you even know what he was going to say, (y/n)?" Kim said, while glaring at you.

"All I meant was that, well, the place got a little dirty…" Jay started to explain but not fast enough.

"A little???" Kim was really, really mad, you realized.

"But dinner was great!" At that, both you and Kim just stared at him incredulously while Adam started laughing on his way to the kitchen.

"That's what you were going to say???" You ask him, not believing you'd just tried to defend him for some joke. "Kim, I'm sorry things ended up this unfruitful…" You began to tell your best friend, to try and patch things up, when Adam chipped in from the other room.

"You know, darling, Jay wasn't wrong! This pizza is great!" He barked, mouth full. And that's what got Kim to go over the edge.

"Don't you realize what just happened here, Adam??? And, you two! I still haven't heard an explanation on what the hell I just saw!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry! We were cleaning up and then it just-"

"It just what, (y/n)??? It just happened? That what you were gonna say?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, it is! It just happened because you and your boyfriend made me babysit with this ridiculously hot guy and I'm human! Now, before you have another crisis, Makayla didn't see anything and I'm leaving because I just humiliated myself more than enough for a lifetime!" With that said, and your flight or flee instinct activated — cause you were never much of a fighter —, you did the smartest thing possible and stormed out of there, hoping to be able to get into some sort of protection program for embarrassment victims.

Meanwhile, Adam and Kim simply had to laugh, even more so when they noticed Jay's shocked twinkling expression.

"Jay! What is wrong with you?" Kim asked, taking him out of his daze.

"What?"

"Go after her! If I hadn't been so upset about the circumstances, I would've been the first one to say that what happened over there?" She asked, pointing to the floor. "What happened there was hot." The officer finished her trail of thought bluntly, as if it was the most obvious thing.

"But… What about your living room?" Jay asked, still unsure of what to do.

"Are you kidding me? Look, Halstead, if you promise not to break her heart… I won't hold it against you." Kim stated, making her stance on the whole matter very clear. She thought it was a good way to start apologizing to you after freaking out like that.

"Uh, uh, alright!" The detective rambled, looking like he had no idea of what to do next.

“Go!” With that last push, he left his friends’ house to go try and get the girl.

“You know, this is quite a mess but they do have the potential to be a great couple!” Adam happily pointed out, as he kept eating all he could find.

“Ha! If she’s as lucky as I am…” Kim ironically muttered, as she watched her boyfriend impolitely shoving food in his mouth.

“Then she’s a very lucky lady!” He confidently stated with a grin while all Kim could do was laugh at his messy childish ways.

Outside burzek's apartment — burzek being the ship name you used to tease Kim and Adam with —, you had been slowly walking towards the subway. You wanted to move faster but your mind was too full at the moment. And, sometimes, when you needed to get your head back on straight, you couldn't really do anything else, having a hard time concentrating on your flow of thoughts.

It was right when you were beginning to think you had stopped the spirals in your mind that you heard him: "(y/n)!" You recognized the detective's voice on the spot. How could you not, after how he had managed to disrupt your thoughts and actions all evening? But you weren't about to turn back around and have your very own movie ending with him. You just knew it wasn't gonna play out like that and decided to keep walking in order to preserve the little dignity you still had. "Oh, c'mon! Just give me a minute! Please!" That pleading made you turn around, to let him down more politely, which ended up with the two of you almost hitting each other. Once again, that same night, he was too close to you. The proximity with his body sending all sorts of heatwaves through yours. He seemed to be feeling it too, given the way he started to look at you, the damn smirk back on his lips.

"Nu-uh. You don't get to look at me like that. Not after what it did to me the first time."

"Huh. Care to elaborate on that? How exactly am I looking at you?" He asked, moving even closer to you altogether. "And, more importantly, what exactly did it do to you?"

"You don't need me to answer any of that." You pointed out, crossing your arms over your chest — clearly going into defensive mode.

"Maybe not," he started, tilting his head slightly — the damn smirks never leaving his face. "But. I'd like to hear it nevertheless."

"Well, you're not going to."

"Ah, okay." Wait, was he really giving up that easily? "Then maybe I can just try and see what it does to you one more time? For the sake of curiosity." All you could think to say was an enthusiastic 'Yes, please!' but, when he started leaning in to kiss you, you seemed to come back to your senses, pushing him away and taking some steps back of your own.

"Oh my God! Don't you get it? We can't be doing this right now. Not after the way I left things with Kim because of our previous, um, actions!" At that, Jay just gave you a confused look. "I stormed out of there but just because I was feeling too ashamed about it all and I honestly don’t think that I want any more embarrassment for a lifetime.

“Okay, okay. I get that but maybe it would feel less embarrassing for you if you knew that I was feeling all of that too: all of that buzzing energy and the goddamn butterflies and everything. You were doing exactly the same I did to you to me. And, as embarrassing as it was to be caught like that by Adam and Kim, I still can’t say I regret any of it. In fact, I was thinking that maybe we could do it again? You know, minus all the mess and the kid 𑁋 I mean, I adore Mak but that would be-” 

You didn’t care to listen to the rest of all he had to say. Instead, you threw yourself into his arms, even making him lose his balance for a second, and started kissing him, except that this time it was a slow, hot, and thought-through kiss. And the second you did kiss him, you heard clapping and whistling from afar, as you turned to find Kim and Adam there, once again witnessing you and Jay kiss. And that had Jay whispering to you:

“Let’s get out of here?” To which you responded simply with a:

“Yes, please!”

[kiddbegins]

Neighbors - Jay Halstead

Requested? Yes

Word count: 1,198

Warnings: nothing major, bug mention

A/n: Idk if you wanted them to get together in this but tada

Masterlist

[Can I request an image with Jay Halstead in which the reader and Jay don't get along very well since the disagreement they had at the hospital when they met because of a patient. And one night the reader comes across a FLYING cockroach in her apartment and starts screaming and Jay helps her get rid of the insect. ]

You didn’t hate Jay Halstead. No, he was just the annoying guy from two doors down that frequently got on your nerves. First off, you met in the Med ED when one of his friends got brought in. That first interaction alone was horrible.

He tries to tell you (a doctor) how you should take care of his friend (a police officer) and you guessed it, Jay was also a police officer. No medical training whatsoever. But he one upped you, went over your head and got his brother to take over the case.

That was just the beginning of it all. Ever since then it’s like he was always there to push buttons. He never took his laundry upstairs in a normal time. You’d go down to put a load in and his clothes would be in the washer.

You of course didn’t dare move them instead leaving a note on his door telling him to ‘finish your fucking laundry’ which sure he listened to, placing the same note back on your door with a thud as he carried his now dry basket of clothes into his apartment.

Not only that but he always, always, managed to park just a little over the line in the parking lot which at the right time made parking nearly impossible. And since it was assigned parking it wasn’t like you could just move somewhere else. Though you did get your karma a couple times.

Parking as close to his driver side door as possible so he’d have to do gymnastics to get in the vehicle. Always earned you a sharp glare when you passed in the hallway.

He was as fed up with it as you were but that didn’t stop him from parking like an asshole. Like tonight. When he parked slightly crooked over the line and you just so happened to be pulling in behind him.

With a bite of your tongue you did what you always did, pulled up nice and snug to his truck and got out, shooting him an innocently sweet smile as you locked the doors and headed inside.

If looks could kill you’d be dead on the ground right now but that didn’t matter. All you wanted to do was get inside, take a shower and go to bed.

The elevator upstairs was taking forever and by the time it was coming to the ground floor Jay had made his way inside and next to you.

The silence was full of tension as the doors opened, a young couple walking out with their dog, breezing past. Jay shockingly let you inside first, following and stepping to the side with the buttons and signaling to be brought up.

“Was that necessary?” His voice cut the silence as he kept his gaze on the numbers changing above the door.

You rolled your eyes, leaning against the opposite corner, “Don’t park like a dick and that wouldn’t happen,” you replied with a shrug, watching as he shook his head just slightly. The door opened seconds later and the two of you split towards your apartments.

His was just down from yours and completely bare compared to the floor mat outside of yours. The rainbow ‘welcome!’ Sign had seen better days but you didn’t mind its wear and tear as you went inside, shedding the outdoor layers the were a necessity in the cold of Chicago.

Your next stop was the bedroom for clothes and then the bathroom to shower. Which you basked in, the warmth of the water holding you in longer than you wanted it to.

As it grew slightly later you moved to the kitchen, deciding to make something small for dinner before something buzzed by your ear.

Absentmindedly you swatted it away, continuing on with the food making before whatever it was, landed on your arm, pulling a loud scream from your mouth, brushing it off quickly and pulling back against the wall.

Your eyes followed it around the room, the door to your apartment flying open, “Are you okay?” Jay nearly tripped coming inside, his eyes zooming around the entrance to your apartment.

The bug landed on the counter, a whine leaving your mouth before you looked up at the man that usually you’d hate seeing but right now we’re so thankful for. Shakily you pointed at the counter, “There’s a bug.”

Part of you was embarrassed but the way his shoulders relaxed as he stepped further into the kitchen made you feel the slightest bit better. “Seriously? You screamed bloody murder over an insect?”

“First of all, it landed on my arm. Second of all, you’re the one that came barreling in over it.” You rolled your eyes, arms tightly wrapped around you. Bugs were the last thing you liked dealing with. You could do blood, pus, vomit. All the nasty doctor stuff.

But not bugs. “I thought you were hurt.” Jay sighed, looking around. “Where are your paper towels?” He asked, following the line of view where you pointed again.

With a sigh he ripped one off the roll, slowly going towards it. “Wait don’t kill it-“ Jay faced you.

“What?”

“He’s just a bug, he doesn’t deserve to be killed just because I hate him and want him gone.” You slightly stepped forward, reaching into the cupboard above the sink, trying so hard not to disturb the winged insect.

Jay raised his eyebrows, “So the bugs a he now?” He teased, watching as you grabbed a glass and handed it to him.

“Shut up, just, get him so you, I, we, whatever can get him the hell out of here.” You spoke quickly, Jay raising his hands up in defense before placing the glass over the bug.

He turned to you once more, “Now what? You have paper just lying around?” His words were sarcastic but in actuality you did.

You brushed past him, grabbing a page from the magazine you had on your living room table, ripping it out and handing it to him. “That work?”

Jay nodded faintly, “Yeah..” He took it, successfully trapping the bug in the cup as he lifted it. “I’ll let him out the window,” The man offered, walking to the living room where you pulled a window and its screen open for him.

Once it was gone you took the cup from him, a light smile on your face, “Uh, thank you.” You muttered, walking away quickly to the kitchen to wash it out. Whether it touched it or not that glass was tainted.

“Yeah, no problem. Hey, next time try not to scream like you’re getting killed unless you’re actually getting killed.”

“Oh yeah I’ll do my best.” You rolled your eyes once more, glancing over at him. “No promises though. I hate bugs,” You added, flipping the cup over to let it dry.

Jay nodded faintly, “Well, you know where I am if you need an exterminator.” You shot him a look, “Or remover.” He tagged on before giving you a soft smile, “I’ll see ya.”

With that he left and you couldn’t help but look at the door when he was gone. Maybe he wasn’t that horrible of a guy.

Wanna be on jays tag list? Join here.

Tags: @mrspeacem1nusone @everything-fandom

[fangirlfrom-hell]

October 1st and Traditions Gone Wrong || Jay and Will Halstead x Halstead Sister

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly delated my blog 🫠

Becca wants to follow the Halstead's tradition, but looks like everything is againt it.

👻🕯🎃🕸🦇⛓🖤🕷🥀🪦🐈‍⬛💀🌙⚰🍁🕸️

"WAKE UP, YOU SNORER!"

Jay abruptly opned his eyes when a hand moved his shoulder with a shout of "HEY!".

"What the--"

"DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT DAY IS TODAY?" Becca was on top of his bed, jumping with excitement.

"Um, it's 5:00am on Sunday, that's all I know", her brother answered turning to his side, trying to go back to sleep.

"IT'S OCTOBER 1ST, SILLY! THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR HAS BEGUN!" She was smiling from ear to ear, extreme happiness could be heard in her voice.

Jay, feeling a bit defeated, reluctantly opened his eyes and gazed at his sister, who was dressed in a pajama adorned with little ghost designs. Despite his initial exhaustion, he couldn't help but break into a warm smile as he turned his eyes to her, feeling a surge of affection and happiness.

"Well, you certainly know how to wake someone up with a bang!" He rubbed his face with his hands. "What's the plan for today, Becca?"

The girl changed her tone to a more serious one. "You're joking, right? It's tradition: we watch 'The Night Before Christmas' while having a Halloween-themed breakfast, silly..."

Then, she switched back to her excited tone: "I ordered these Jack O' Lantern molds to make pancakes..."

"What? How did you order that? With what money?"

"I used your card, but that's not the point! I'll call Will, in case he forgot. He should be the one cooking today." And she hurriedly left the room.

"Sure, he'll be delighted to be woken up," Jay muttered to himself and chuckled.

After a tiring night call, Jay struggled to break free from his bed. He knew Becca wouldn't allow him to go back to sleep. Besides, she was brimming with energy; this date was significant to her, and he didn't want to disappoint her. They had followed this tradition since they were kids, but it had halted when Jay went to war and Will pursued his studies. Jay had resumed it when their mother passed away, primarily for Becca's sake. Will had rekindled his involvement in the tradition only a couple of years ago when he came back to Chicago.

Jay stepped out into the hallway, wearing his own ghost-themed shirt to match his little sister's. He made his way straight to the kitchen to brew some coffee. As he prepared the coffee, a smile crept onto his face when he spotted the box of Jack O'Lantern molds she had bought, fully aware of how much she had been anticipating this moment.

The room remained dimly lit, with most of the lights turned off, but Jay could discern Becca's silhouette on the sofa. She appeared deeply engrossed in a phone call, and Jay couldn't help but sense a tinge of concern. Was she crying? He continued to watch her intently while tending to his coffee, quietly trying to gauge her emotions from a distance.

"..sure, I understand. Yeah, no problem, I already told you I get it. See you later". she said into the phone before hanging up.

A few seconds of tense silence filled the air. Jay waited for her to say something, but she didn't budge from her spot.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Yes," she replied tersely.

"Is Will going to make it?" Jay inquired, though he already knew the answer.

Becca struggled to conceal her emotions, her voice quivering as she responded, "No."

Jay let out a deep sigh and sat down next to her. She was gazing into the abyss with her arms crossed.

"He just got back home from his shift; that's what he said," Becca explained, immitating her brother's voice. "He said he would be here later. I know. He's working, he's tired...but he forgot about it! And now everythingi s ruined! Just for the record, I'm not mad at him, I'm just...sad, I guess."

"Hey! Nothing is ruined, I'm still here!" Jay reassured her.

"But the tradition is with the three of us! We can't do it with minus one!"

"Well, sometimes traditions change, and that's all right, Becc. We used to do this without him, remember? Then he came back, and it evolved to what we have now..." Jay reassured her, understanding the sentimental value of their tradition, but also the way it had adapted over time.

"I guess you are right."

"What I'm trying to say it that if he said he'll come later, and his precense it's so important for you, maybe we can adapt to it. We'll watch 'The Night Before Christmas' in the evening, no big deal. Meanwhile, you and I can select another movie and savor those Jack O'Lantern pancakes. What do you say?"

"Yeah, I like that!" Becca replied with a hopeful smile.

The two Halstead siblings got to work. Together, they cooked the Jack O'Lantern pancakes and prepared hot chocolate for the special occasion. They shared hearty laughter, engaging in playful banter, and soon, Becca's spirits began to lift. Occasionally, Jay would stifle a yawn, and it was impossible for Becca not to notice the dark circles under his eyes; he appeared incredibly tired.

"Thank you for doing this with me," the girl said as they settled back on the sofa. "I know you're exhausted too."

"No problem," he replied sincerely. "There's nothing I'd rather do than celebrate October 1st with you," he winked. "Now, what are we watching?" Jay added, his exhaustion momentarily forgotten.

"Ghostbusters?" Becca suggested with a grin.

Will arrived at Jay's place around 5:00 pm, carrying two big bags filled with Halloween-themed treats and snacks. "This is my way to say I'm sorry," he explained.

"Apology accepted," Becca said, taking the bags.

Everyhting was going well, the Halstead siblings were now together, preparing everything to finally watch the movie. The initial credits appeared: "The Night Before Christmas" and Becca, Jay, and Will started to sing along: Boys and girls of every age. Wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see. This, our town of Halloween...

"Oh, geez! I'm so happy we made it!" The girl said and hugged her bothers.

But like a bad omen, Jay's phone began to ring. Becca turned to him, but he initially decided to ignore the call. It was probably nothing, as it was his day off, and he had explicitly asked not to be bothered, considering the Halstead's celebration. However, the phone rang again, three times in a row, and he couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Halstead", he sighed as he answered the call.

"Oh, God. I should have kept my mouth shout", Becca reproached herself as she paused the movie.

"I'll be there in 15", the detective brother finished the call with an agry tone.

"It's your day off!" Becca stood up, "This is not fair!"

"I know, I know, Beccs. I'm really sorry, but I gotta go to this crime scene".

"Ugh, this day is cursed. It's a stupid tradition, anyway. Who cares?" She stormed off to her room and slammed the door shut.

Becca's heart sank, but not as much as Jay's. He called out, "I'll try my best to be back soon, Becca! I promise!" as he hurried away, his voice filled with regret and determination.

"I'll take care of this, don't worry," Will reassured his brother with a comforting pat on the shoulder before Jay left the place.

Becca's door was opened and when Will peeked his head in, she was sitting at the edge of the bed, weeping the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey, munchkin", he slowly approached to her "You know this is not Jay's foult..."

"I know," she turned to face him, her expression troubled. Her voice quivered with a hint of sadness. "But it doesn't make me feel better. I... I always wait for this day because it brings us together. We used to do this with Mom and Dad, and... I don't know." Tears welled up in her eyes as she continued, her voice choked with emotion. "Things started going wrong since this morning. I should have listened to the signs. You two are adults now, with your own lives and jobs, so, of course, you wouldn't have time for these things."

Her words carried a deep sense of disappointment and longing, and her eyes glistened with the memories of cherished family moments that seemed to slip further away with each passing year.

"It's not nonsense," Will assured her, his tone gentle. "You're right. We're not kids anymore, and we have other things to attend to, but nothing, not even work, will ever be more important than you, Becca. You are our priority, and if this tradition is important to you, it's important to us too." He sighed and reached out to hug her by the shoulder. "I apologize for forgetting it; I wanted to make amends by coming in the afternoon. I didn't think it would cause so many problems."

"No, it's not your fault. It is what it is, that's all."

"You waited for me the whole day," Will observed. "May I ask why it's so important that the three of us watch it together?" He inquired, genuinely curious about the significance of their tradition for her.

Becca frowned for a moment, lost in thought, and then she smiled warmly. "It was Mom's favorite spooky movie," she explained. "Somehow, it feels like she's still around when it's the three of us." Her eyes held a mixture of nostalgia and comfort as she shared her toughts.

Will and Becca spent the evening playing board games until they decided to watch another film while waiting for Jay.

"You haven't seen 'Gremlins'?" Will asked incredulously. "How come? Geez, that's it! That's what we're watching now!"

Hours passed by, and Becca's eyes were beginning to close. After all, she had woken up very early to start the day. She realized Jay was not coming back on time, but she still wanted to wait until the very end.

"You should rest," her brother encouraged her.

"It's 10:00 pm. If he gets home, we can still honor the tradition."

"Tell you what: close your eyes and sleep; you look tired. If Jay comes back, I'll wake you up."

"Hmm, will you really wake me up?" She asked, sounding suspicious.

"It's a promise!" he assured her.

As soon as she place her head on her brother's shoulder, she fall asleep.

👻🕯🎃🕸🦇⛓🖤🕷🥀🪦🐈‍⬛💀🌙⚰🍁🕸️

"We shouldn't," murmurs echoed in the distance, almost as if they were part of her dream. "I promised her," another voice chimed in. "Give it a try," someone suggested. "If she doesn't wake up at first, we let her rest."

"Hey, Becc!" Will's voice was now clear and bright. Becca opened her eyes to see her red-haired brother's face in front of her. "Jay's back."

She turned her head and spotted him standing right next to the couch. Her smile was bright, and suddenly, a rush of energy filled her tiny body as she stood up quickly.

"OK, WHAT TIME IS IT?"

"Um, 11:30."

"IT WORKS FOR ME; WE'RE STILL ON TIME TO COMMEMORATE THE TRADITION!" Becca exclaimed with enthusiasm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MOVE! MOVE! GET EVERYTHING READY!"

Becca couldn't contain her happiness. It was true; the tradition hadn't gone as usual, but at this very moment, surrounded by her brothers, she felt a warmth that overshadowed any disappointment.

It was true what Jay had said: traditions change with time, and that's perfectly okay. In this case, they had even added two more movies to the celebration. Her brothers had made the effort to be with her on this important day, and she couldn't have been more grateful for their presence. She hugged both of them tightly, cherishing this moment of togetherness and the bonds that meant the world to her.

"I'm glad you both made it".

By the time the movie finished, the clock struck 1:00 am. Becca couldn't stifle a tired yawn, feeling the exhaustion wash over her. She turned to her brothers and was surprised to see both of them fast asleep, their peaceful expressions illuminated by the soft glow of the TV.

A warm, fond smile crept across Becca's face. She stretched her tired limbs, feeling a sense of contentment in this moment. With a gentle sigh, she snuggled up between the two Halstead brothers, her heart filled with love for her family. It had been an unconventional but truly special day, and now, as she closed her eyes, she was ready to join them in a well-deserved slumber, cherishing the bonds that meant the world to her.

👻🕯🎃🕸🦇⛓🖤🕷🥀🪦🐈‍⬛💀🌙⚰🍁🕸️

Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a like, comment or share 😌♡

[collecting-stories]

congrats on 11k!! could I request ‘After a trip to Ikea to get new furniture for the apartment, they soon realise that after successfully assembling a shelf without killing each other, they are basically ready for marriage.’ with Jay Halstead? thank you :D

Thank you so much!!!

-

Hemnes - Jay Halstead

Summary: you and Jay build a bed from ikea together.

A/N: Made it a bed instead of a shelf because I recently put their hemnes bed together and would've loved a Jay to help me!!

One Chicago Masterlist || Celebrate 11k with me

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

“Come on,” Jay reached his hands out, letting you grab on before he hauled you up to stand inside the empty bedframe. Despite the shorts and light shirt you’d changed into halfway through trying to navigate directions for the bed that you and Jay had bought, you were still sweating.

Your shirt felt like it was clinging to your back and your thighs were red from rubbing together whenever your shorts had ridden up. All in all not a particularly cute or sexy look for you, though Jay wasn’t in much better shape. He’d hauled the mattress up the stairs into your shared apartment by himself (mainly because he was on some macho high from having loaded the truck at ikea without assistance either) and you could tell that he was close to wiping out.  

“Okay, next time we buy a bed, let’s just pay the extra fee to have them put it together,” you suggested, stepping over the frame so you could help him unroll the mattress from the plastic it was packed in. 

“They were charging half the price of the bed,” Jay started up and you rolled your eyes. As much as you loved your boyfriend’s passion, you would be the first to admit that it was often times misplaced. “Besides, you can’t beat the pride of having done the job.” 

“Maybe but I smell like sweat and I’m pretty sure my deodorant stopped working right after we got the headboard assembled.” You took one end of the plastic, holding it as Jay released the ties around the mattress and the queen sized spring hybrid started to uncurl. The bed had taken months of back and forth to finally decide on, Jay complaining first about the style and then the color and then the apparent ‘ridiculousness’ of underbed drawers that slid out. It was such a matter of contention that both sides had gotten other people from work involved. And it was Hailey, who pointed out that Jay had always claimed to be a ‘function over fashion’ guy, that finally helped qualm the arguing.  

“Honestly can’t smell it at this point.” 

You pulled the last of the plastic away and looked at him, eyes narrowing, “no, babe, you don’t smell at all.” You mocked, grabbing the edge of the mattress so you could haul it onto the frame with him.  

“I mean,” Jay leaned toward you and breathed in through his nose. That half smile crept up on his face as his eyes met yours, “you smell a little bit.” 

“Jay!” You moaned. 

“Last week, I came home from the gym and what did you say to me?” He questioned, hands on his hips now that the bed was in place, “you said I smelled.” 

“You did, like significantly. And you told me that you didn’t!” You grabbed the box that the sheets were in and pulled the mattress pad out, fanning it over the bed.  

Jay grabbed one end from you, beginning to stretch it over the upper left hand corner, “I didn’t know it was me! My point is, I’m just looking out for you.”  

“It’s not really looking out for me if I told you that I know I smell bad. I’m just saying, when we’re done I don’t wanna jump right in bed.” You explained, “I wanna keep the sheets nice as long as I can.”  

“You should’ve just said you wanted to shower with me.” he replied, smirking at you. 

The pillows were the last thing on the bed and when you stepped back to look at it Jay gave them one last fluff. The bed looked comfy, the kind of bed you saw on someone’s home decor pinterest account and not the kind of bed you thought that you and Jay even possessed the ability to build together.  

You hadn’t even argued though. He listened when you read the directions and he was ribbing you about the bed now but he’d been helpful every step of the way during the building and buying process.  

“You okay?” Jay asked, waving his hand in front of your face when you just stood there looking at the bed.  

You pushed his hand away, “I’m fine. I can’t believe we actually built this.” 

“Knew we could,” Jay shrugged, leaning over to place a kiss against your hairline, “you know what this means though don’t you?” 

“No Jay, what does us building a bed together mean?”  

“That we should get married.” He replied, matter of fact.  

You almost choked on air at the suggestion, and the way that he suggested it, “what?” 

“We built an entire bed without a single argument.” Jay said, as if that explained everything, “so we’re pretty much ready for marriage.” 

“Are you joking right now? Cause I would really prefer that you be joking. I mean, I literally smell terrible and I’m sweaty. My standards aren’t high but...they aren’t that low.” You replied.  

Jay bit down on his bottom lip as he smiled, shaking his head. “I’m just putting it out there. I promise you will be clean when I propose to you.” 

- 

You cut the shower off, grabbing a towel off the rack and wrapping it around yourself. The steam in the bathroom seeped out as you opened the door and stepped into the hallway, the smell of pizza making your mouth water almost instantly. Jay had told you to get cleaned up and promised to grab dinner while you did, heading to the pizzeria that you loved not too far from the apartment.  

“Jay!” You let out a laugh as you walked into the kitchen, covering your mouth with your hand and turning around swiftly. You were maybe expecting a slice of pizza to be waiting on the counter for you or a beer if there were any left in the fridge. But you’d walked out to find Jay down on one knee instead.  

“Are you clean?” 

You turned back around slowly, nodding your head because you could feel yourself getting too choked up to speak, tears brimming in the corners of your eyes as he started to speak again.  

[wordsandupstead]

Safe

Jay HalsteadxReader 

summary: Y/n witnesses Jay in a life threatening situation for the first time and it affects her more than either of them expected. words: 4k warnings: canon typical mentions of violence, descriptions of anxiety and symptoms of ptsd.

~

“Get down, get down!” You recognize the voice before you see the person yelling. Instinctively, you listen, dropping straight to the ground and ducking behind a parked car. Your coffee that you had bought moments ago sloshes over the side of the cup at your sudden movements. Your heart is pounding loudly in your chest as you watch the scene unfold in front of you. Three men are running in different directions, each holding what appears to be a gun. You can hear the gunshots ring out, and people are screaming as they all frantically try to find cover. You remain crouched on the ground, but you peek cautiously around the car. You know who you’re looking for, even if it means you’re more in danger because you’re not completely tucked away. 

When your eyes find your boyfriend, you don’t feel relieved like you had hoped you would. Instead you feel more frantic and afraid because you can tell he’s mostly out in the open, pursuing the suspects. He doesn’t see you, and you intentionally don’t call out to him. He’s yelling at the guys to stop, shouting, “Chicago PD, stop!” while yelling at others to get out of the way, the same way his warning had told you to take cover without even knowing that it was you. 

Everything happens in just a few seconds. More gunshots ring out and you watch Jay as he ducks behind a parked car before calling for backup. You hope that this means he’ll be safe, but before you know it, he’s running back out into the open, continuing to pursue them on foot as they turn down an alley. You feel stunned as Jay disappears from sight. The adrenaline is still coursing through your body, but suddenly you feel sick with worry. 

Blue lights and loud sirens flood the area as cops and ambulances arrive on the scene. You can’t help but continue to stare at the corner of the building where you last saw Jay. You don’t know where he went or if he’s even safe. The fear and worry settles in your stomach, and as much as you want to make sure others are okay, you can’t move from your spot tucked between the rear tire of a parked car and the sidewalk. Pulling your phone from your pocket, you immediately text Jay, “Are you okay??” Is all your fingers can type. You click send and then stare at the message, just waiting for the three dots to indicate he’s typing a response. The dots don’t come. 

A police officer approaches you, snapping you out of your trance. “Miss, are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

Shaking your head frantically, you check your phone again, still no response from Jay. “I-I’m okay, I think, but my boyfriend. I–I don’t know if he’s okay.” 

“He was here with you? Was he hurt?”

“No – I mean – he was here, but not with me. He’s a cop. He was chasing the guy.”

“He’s intelligence?” The patrol cop asks, and you simply nod.

“Please, can you see if he’s okay?” You plead motioning toward the radio. 

He hesitates before speaking into his radio, asking for an update on the foot chase. There is no update immediately. “Sorry miss. They don’t usually update us unless they’re calling for backup.” 

You nod and thank him anyway before glancing down at your phone again. Still no response to the text. You know he’s working and he’s busy. Just because he hasn’t responded doesn’t mean he’s hurt. Even though you logically know all of this, you still click on Jay’s contact, calling him. You just need to hear his voice. You need to know he’s okay. The phone rings five times and then goes to voicemail. Although a part of you knows Jay is busy working and just because he’s not answering doesn’t mean he’s hurt, another part of you is becoming more and more frantic with every second that passes without hearing from him. The cop eventually wanders away after realizing that you’re fine and not hurt. Finally, after waiting a few more minutes, you can’t take it anymore and you call Voight, he answers on the fourth ring. 

“Y/n?” 

“Voight, is Jay with you? Is he okay?”

“Jay’s not with me, he’s at a scene.” Voight’s voice gives no indication that anything is going on, but you know he has to know what just happened. 

“I know. I’m on fourth and central and I was here when they were shooting. I saw Jay running and they were shooting at him and he’s just gone now and he hasn’t answered his phone.” All the words tumble out of your mouth so quickly you’re not even sure Voight can understand what you were saying. 

“Y/n, slow down. I’ll have Jay call you. Just hold tight.” He responds, his voice still completely calm and you wonder how he can sound like that after everything that just happened and everything you just told him. 

“Okay, thank you.” You force out, barely managing to take a breath. 

About a minute later, your phone is ringing. This time, it is Jay. “Are you okay?” You ask instead of saying hello. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You can hear him breathing loudly, but that’s the only indication that anything just happened. “Are you okay? Voight said to call you, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m on fourth and central.” You whisper. Hearing Jay’s voice reassures you a little, but the image of him running and the guns pointed at him and then him running after them while they could turn and shoot him at any time continues to run through your mind. 

There’s a beat of silence as he processes your statement and takes in what that means. “I’ll be there in three minutes.” He responds. 

“Jay, are you okay?” You repeat your question, “I saw you running and they were shooting and –” 

“Y/n,” he cuts you off calmly. “I’m fine. We got one and the other two got away, but I’m not hurt. I’m fine, y/n. Are you okay?” 

“I just want to see you.” 

You can hear the sound of his truck door slamming, then he says, “I’m almost there. I’m just a block away.” 

“Okay.” You whisper, looking up, hoping to spot Jay’s truck. A moment later you see his truck come around the corner, so you stand from your spot, finally feeling safe enough. He sees you and pulls up to the curb, parking the truck and jumping out immediately. He rushes over to you, checking you over for injuries as if you were the one in danger earlier, not him. 

You barely give him time to make sure you’re okay before you wrap your arms around him, clinging to him, “I was so scared.” 

“I know, I know,” He whispers, holding you close. 

“You just ran away.” 

“I didn’t know you were here.” He feels you trembling and holds you even tighter. “We’re okay.” He reassures you again. 

After an entire minute, he releases his arms from around you, softly saying, “C’mon, let’s get out of here.” He surveys the scene briefly before taking your hand and leading you toward his truck. Your car is parked around the corner, but you don’t care right now. You just want to feel safe in his truck. 

He gets into the driver’s seat and turns to look at you face to face. “What happened?” 

You want to crawl over the center console, but you remain seated in the passenger seat and explain, “I just stopped for coffee and when I came out of the coffee shop, that guy was running past me, and then I heard you yelling to get down, so I did, but then I saw him shooting and you ran after him, and it was so loud and I was just scared that you were going to get hurt.” You ramble, still feeling completely shocked and unable to really process what happened.

“I’m fine. See?” He takes your hand in his, squeezing lightly. “I didn’t even get shot.” He smiles, trying to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t work. 

“But you could’ve.” Your mind is going to the worst case scenarios. Even though you’ve always known what Jay does for a living, and you know he’s been shot before, it never really felt real. It never felt real because when he comes home to you, he makes everything seem like it’s not a big deal. He makes it seem like what he does isn’t scary and his life isn’t always in danger. 

Seeing him in danger today, seeing him running and putting his life at risk to save others is something that terrifies you. It makes you feel selfish when you realize you just want him safe no matter the cost, but it’s true. 

“But I didn’t.” He reassures you again, pulling you from your thoughts knowing it is what you need to hear. 

Jay’s phone is ringing at that moment and he glances at the screen. He sighs, sounding torn, “I have to go back to the district.” Of course he wants to make sure you’re okay, but he’s also in the middle of a big case and they have one suspect in custody. 

“Yeah,” You state, realizing that he’s in the middle of the work day and everything can’t stop just because you’re feeling completely off and terrified. “I should go back to work too.” 

He hesitates now, “Maybe you should go home. Take the afternoon off, I’m sure your supervisor will understand.” 

Jay is about to walk into a room with one of the guys who was literally hurling bullets toward him not thirty minutes ago, and he suggests you should take time off. “No, I’m fine. I’ll just go back.” You brush off his concern, reaching for the door handle to get out of his truck.

He places his hand over yours, squeezing gently. “Hold on, I’ll drive you to your car. Where is it?” 

You accept his offer, giving him directions to drive you down the street and around the corner to where your car is parked. It only takes a minute to get there, and when he stops the truck beside your car, he asks, “Y/n, are you really okay to go back to work?”  

You nod, even though you’re not so sure. “I’ll see you tonight?” You phrase it as a question, knowing they’re clearly in the middle of something, even if you don’t know all the details. 

“I’ll text you later, but I think I’ll be late, don’t stay up, okay?” 

You nod numbly. You had half expected that answer, but the selfish part of you just wants him home tonight. You want him home safe in bed next to you because that means he’s not running around potentially getting shot at. 

He leans over, kissing you softly. “I love you, I’m okay. You’re okay.” He tells you again. 

You nod, mumbling, “Love you too,” Before sliding out of the truck and getting in your car. Jay waits until you’re safely in your car, and then he motions for you to pull out in front of him. He follows you halfway back to your office before he has to turn off onto a different road to head to the district.  

The rest of the day passes in a blur, but you find yourself worrying about Jay way more than usual. You feel unsafe, even though you know your office is safe. Although you and Jay text back and forth a few times throughout the rest of the afternoon, you still wonder if he’s out chasing down more suspects, if he’s out in the open with people shooting at him again. You try to remind yourself this is his job. This is what he’s done for as long as you’ve known him, but yet you had never witnessed it first hand until today. 

As you had both expected, Jay lets you know he won’t be home in time for dinner, so you pick up takeout on your way back to the apartment. You go through your normal evening routine for when Jay is wrapped up in a case, but you’re feeling so on edge that you can’t relax, and you certainly can’t sleep. Jay finally walks in around eleven at night, and you’re still wide awake, the light from the tv casting a dim glow on the bedroom. 

You hear his keys jingle and then you hear the door open and shut quietly. You can tell by his quiet footsteps that he’s trying not to wake you. Before you know it, you’re out of bed and padding through the bedroom door to see him pulling his gun from its holster and dropping his badge on the counter. You hesitate in the doorway and watch as he locks his gun in the safe. As soon as he does that, you close the distance and wrap your arms around him. “Hi,” he greets you, “I thought you’d be sleeping by now.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” You mumble before burying your face against his chest. 

He nods, and holds you for a few more seconds before letting go and leading you to the kitchen. He opens the cabinet, grabbing two mugs and putting them down on the counter before putting water in the kettle and turning it on. He pulls out the chamomile tea and holds it up with a questioning look, offering you tea without any words. You nod your response to his unasked question. 

He pulls you back into his arms as you both wait for the water to be ready. “How was the rest of your day?” He asks, almost as if this was a normal day, which you realize it might have been for him. 

“I honestly don’t really even know. I don’t think I actually got anything done, but I didn’t have much to do anyway, so it was fine.” Before he can respond, you change the subject, not wanting to talk about yourself. “How was your day? Did you figure out who the other two guys were or what they were trying to do?”

He shakes his head, “We know more than we did earlier, but we haven’t figured it all out yet.” 

There are so many questions and worries at the tip of your tongue, but you don’t want to say any of them out loud. The kettle singing stops you from having to say anything, and Jay quickly finishes making the tea. You spend the next thirty minutes drinking tea and sitting together on the couch. Neither of you say much, but you’re just grateful Jay is home and safe for now. 

By the time sleep finally comes, it’s past one am and Jay had already been peacefully sleeping beside you for over an hour. 

When your eyes pop open, worry and fear flood your body. Your first instinct is to check on Jay, and you’re grateful to see that he doesn’t seem to have moved at all since before you fell asleep. You check your phone to find out it’s only four in the morning, but your body won’t let you sleep anymore. 

Jay finally starts to wake up around six thirty, and by then you’re feeling so tired but you know now there’s no time for more sleep. The morning is uneventful, and you go through the motions basically on autopilot, getting ready, making coffee, eating breakfast, packing lunch, saying bye to Jay. When you’re at work, it seems like only half your brain capacity is actually on work stuff, the other half is unintentionally replaying the moments outside of the coffee shop from the day before. You can almost hear the gunshots and people screaming. And the one image that keeps playing in your mind on repeat is the image of Jay ducking behind a car, narrowly being missed by the flying bullets and then leaving the illusion of safety in pursuit of the same people who were shooting at him. 

When you go home that night, it’s to an empty apartment as Jay is still knee deep in the case. You want to talk to him about it, but he’s acting like everything is fine, which makes you think that you should be feeling fine too, despite the fact that you feel so far from fine. 

It’s three days before Jay finally makes it home in time for dinner. He mentions that they solved the case. He talks about it so casually that it seems like he wasn’t affected by that day at all. Your mind starts to wonder how many other times Jay has been shot at or put into unsafe and life threatening situations that you didn’t even know about . As much as you want to talk about it, you also don’t want to say any of it out loud because it makes it real. If you don’t talk about it, you can still pretend it didn’t really happen. 

“Is everything okay at work?” Jay asks you that night while you’re eating dinner. 

“Yeah, why?” The question caught you off guard. 

He shrugs, “Just wondering. You seem a little off. You’re not sleeping. You seem stressed and on edge all the time, I was just wondering if you had something going on at work.” He noticed. Of course he noticed. He just doesn’t know the real reason why. 

You shake your head and poke around your plate at the roasted vegetables. 

“No, work’s been the same.” 

“Is it something else?” He questions, his voice only holding curiosity and concern. When you shake your head again, he just nods, stabbing a piece of broccoli and putting it in his mouth. “Okay, maybe we can go out this weekend, if you’re not too busy at work?” He suggests. He’s been feeling as disconnected as you have. This is his attempt at getting back to normal. 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You force a smile, but even you can tell it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. 

Another two days pass much the same as the few days before that. The fears and worries aren’t getting better like you had thought and hoped. The flashbacks and nightmares are not any less intense. Not talking about it clearly isn’t working. 

It’s the weekend and Jay has made reservations at one of your favorite restaurants. Since they solved the last case, things have been relatively calm for Jay at work and he’s been home more often, but you haven’t mentioned how you’ve been feeling. 

Jay comes home about an hour before the dinner reservation. He had to go into work for a few hours, but you welcomed the time alone. At least then you had no one to pretend to be okay in front of. You find yourself worrying whenever Jay is at work lately, not even just when he’s in the middle of a case or on a scene. Most times you don’t know whether he’s just sitting in the bullpen doing paperwork or research or if he’s actually out in the city, so you find yourself worrying always. 

It’s become too much, and you know you can’t handle it on your own anymore. You can’t keep feeling this terrible feeling in your stomach and the tightness in your chest every time you’re not with Jay. 

As soon as he got home from work, he went to take a shower. By the time he comes back out, you know what you have to do. 

“Are you almost ready?” Jay questions, emerging from the bedroom fully dressed for dinner to find you’re still lying on the couch in one of his t-shirts. 

“Hey, uh can we just talk for a bit?” You question, and Jay’s brows knit together in confusion, but he quickly strides over to the couch. You sit up and he takes a seat beside you. He sits silently, waiting for you to start talking.  

“I’m still kind of freaked out about what happened.” You admit, not looking up at him. 

“What happened?” His voice is full of confusion. He doesn’t know what you’re referencing. 

“Yeah, the other day. The shooting.” You try explaining. 

Jay reaches out and takes your hand in his. His expression softens, and he whispers, “It was scary.” 

“Yeah, no.” You shake your head trying to gather your thoughts. “I saw you running after those guys and they had guns. They could have shot you.” Jay looks like he wants to say something, but he remains silent so you continue. “I just saw it all happen, and I can’t not see it. Everytime you go to work, I worry. I’m terrified I’m going to get a call from Voight saying something bad happened.” 

Jay closes the small distance between you both, wrapping his arms around you. “I’m so sorry. I should have realized it was bothering you.”

Shaking your head, you respond, “No, I didn’t tell you. I thought I would just feel better on my own, but I haven’t.”

Jay pauses, considering his next words carefully. “I want to say you don’t have to worry, but I know that won’t really help.” 

You shake your head because you’ve tried to tell yourself not to worry so many times over and yet you’re still worrying yourself sick. 

Jay unwraps his arms from around you, and quickly stands up from the couch. You whine in protest, but he disappears into the bedroom, promising to be back in a minute. You wait there until Jay emerges from the bedroom a short while later. He’s holding several things in his hands and he stops in front of you. 

Confused, you watch as he holds up his bulletproof vest, “This isn’t the one I have at work, but it’s pretty similar.” He hands it to you and you take it, feeling the weight of it in your hands. “It’s bulletproof. I wear my vest anytime I step foot out of my car and most times whenever I’m even leaving the district.” 

He pauses, watching you glance from him to the vest in your hands. “That day that we were on the street, I was wearing my vest under my clothes, to protect me.” 

He holds up his work phone next. “I always have this on me. I can call for an ambo in seconds. I just press the side here and I talk into it and someone on the other end is ready to send an ambulance. It’s way faster than calling 911.” 

You understand what he’s trying to do. He can’t tell you not to worry, but he can give you reasons why you don’t have to worry as much. 

“I didn’t pull my gun out because I know you don’t like it, but that keeps me safe too. If I’m in danger, I can shoot them before they shoot me.” 

You nod at him, his words actually managing to soothe you in ways you didn’t expect. 

“The whole unit has my back, always.” Jay continues explaining. He takes the vest from you and places it down on the coffee table with his phone. “That day, when I ran down the alley Hailey was on the other end. That’s how we caught the guy. She had my back. I wasn’t alone out there, even though it might have looked like it.” 

He sits down on the couch again, pulling you into his arms. “I know you’re going to worry, and I get it, but I’m not doing reckless or dangerous things. And you know what’s in the back of my mind all the time?”

“What?” You whisper.

“Coming home to you.” He squeezes your hand, his eyes finding yours and holding eye contact. “I do my job, and I do it well so I can come home to you at night, every night.” 

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I'm really enjoying writing these oneshots, so I'm hoping to start posting more. Feedback is always appreciated!