emilywhere

[emilywhere]

friends, if the holidays are always stressful and triggering as fuck every year, no matter what you do or where you go, you aren’t alone. i hate this season so much.

[emilywhere]

update, she is still missing and at this point i guess the search and rescue team said it is unlikely she survived. this has been one of the most challenging grieving processes i have ever gone through.

pretty sure i am in the midst of an experience few people go through - i learned that the therapist i have been seeing for a few months for EMDR went missing while on a backcountry hiking trip last week. this is such shocking and confusing news. i am sure people’s therapists pass unexpectedly, but this weird limbo of her being missing and also only knowing her for a few months (and only over zoom) is so hard to comprehend. i also made more progress in these last 3 months than i ever thought possible. she is such a warm and gentle human. i hope you’re ok, laura.

fuck. what a weird and sad day.

[emilywhere]

pretty sure i am in the midst of an experience few people go through - i learned that the therapist i have been seeing for a few months for EMDR went missing while on a backcountry hiking trip last week. this is such shocking and confusing news. i am sure people’s therapists pass unexpectedly, but this weird limbo of her being missing and also only knowing her for a few months (and only over zoom) is so hard to comprehend. i also made more progress in these last 3 months than i ever thought possible. she is such a warm and gentle human. i hope you’re ok, laura.

fuck. what a weird and sad day.

[emilywhere]

man this depressive episode of existential dread and cracking open into a mess of emotions is so much worse than the depressive episodes where i just sleep a lot

[emilywhere]

is there a gretson edit to false god by taylor swift yet?

we were stupid to jump

in the ocean separating us,

remember how i'd fly to you?

and i can't talk to you when you're like this

staring out the window like i’m not your favorite town -

i’m new york city -

i still do it for you, babe.

they all warned us about times like this;

they say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith, blind faith.

but we might just get away with it -

religion's in your lips

even if it's a false god,

we'd still worship.

we might just get away with it -

the altar is my hips

even if it's a false god,

we'd still worship this love.

[emilywhere]

i have been thinking lately about how greta tells carson she is being boring, and that charlie looks boring, and then reminds carson not to be boring when she isn’t being honest about something in the first (and second?) episode but then is never really mentioned again and i am trying to figure out if that has some deeper meaning in her arc as a character. was she being intentionally rude/standoffish as a means of flirting without revealing anything about herself? is it just her sort of overconfident outer shell that carson then broke open? was it pickup artist style negging to make carson want to impress her? was it just a weird continuity blip where other threads of greta calling something carson did boring get cut, or not written at all?

it stood out to me so starkly as an early feature of her character - but maybe in the vein of carson “opening her back up again” that was just a sort of prickly persona she was wearing to entice women without letting them get too close that evaporated as she got to know carson?

[emilywhere]

i love when random tumblr users find my blog and go through it liking and reblogging everything in a frenzy, it feels like i’ve been cultivating a nice backyard with a lovely birdbath and feeder and i’ve glanced out the window to see a bird going absolutely wild with it

[emilywhere]

gracie is such an underrated character in a league of their own. she welcomes max with open arms, holds bert with such love and adoration, but also gives them both firm boundaries - and someone to lean on. she is unapologetic about her queer, Black love, and that goes beyond her partnership with bertie. she is fun and flirty and an absolute badass. she shows max what’s possible, both for who she can be and who she could be loved by and the kind of love she could have some day.

i am desperate for more of gracie’s origin story and to see her and bert enjoying domestic bliss in the beautiful home and community they’ve built. their love is truly inspired.

[emilywhere]

[emilywhere]

pitching another song for gretson edits: my heart got caught on your sleeve by lucius. i meannnnn it’s simply too accurate.

“trying to think of my heart as an ocean where there's room enough for things

to come up to the top; i’m counting on it sinking down again.

my heart got caught on your sleeve - i need it, please give it back to me.

my heart got caught on your sleeve; please give it back to me, please give it back to me.

smoked another cigarette 'cause even though i quit i'll do about just anything to pacify my own torment.

the moon is full and i can hear him laughing as he plays these tricks on me,

almost like he's cheering on my dueling joy and agony.

my heart got caught on your sleeve - i need it, please bring it back to me.”

and

“i am lost in my own home; i am lost.

the guilt of just a thought can break your heart.

sometimes wish we never met 'cause now i fear the best -

oh, i’m captive in my thoughts, surely this must be a test.

i hardly know your voice and find that i am hanging on your every word, burned inside my brain

and i must stop until we meet again.

my heart got caught on your sleeve - i need it, please bring it back to me.

my heart got caught on your sleeve; please give it back to me, please give it back to me. please, please.”

[emilywhere]

D’arcy Carden as Greta Gill S01E02 “Find The Gap” |  A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN

[emilywhere]

assuming that aloto is renewed for season 2 (because i simply refuse to entertain any other possibility) i wonder if they will pick up exactly where this season ends and opt to follow max’s baseball-team-centered story with the peaches (or mostly just carson and of course clance) in every day life scenes, like we mostly got for max this season? or, will it give us a brief glimpse of the peaches off-season and what max is up to and then jump to the next season of the peaches? or maybe jump right into the next season for the peaches with flashbacks to the off season throughout? hmmmm.

i hope it’s the first. it would be fun to see max’s character get the “let’s fucking goooo” sports treatment that we got with the peaches - and to see more every day life moments for characters like jess and lupe and maybelle, or how carson and greta each navigate their respective next steps. i’m sure the writers have something even better planned and just desperately hope we get to find out what it is!

[emilywhere]

[emilywhere]

carson wearing her baseball cap backwards reblog if you agree

[emilywhere]

Baseball never looked so good

[emilywhere]

[emilywhere]

alright more aloto thoughts:

thinking a lot about the role of mothers and motherhood in a league of their own and specifically how max and carson each negotiate their mothers’ and families’ legacies.

max sees the life that her mother has planned for her - the church, the salon, the entrepreneurial spirit, and the sense of pragmatism - and feels a mixed sense of fear, anger, confused gratitude, guilt, and ultimately rejection and invisibility.

and then bert shows her this entirely different life that is possible, with these shadows and edges that remind her of her mother but a warmth and comfort that she’s always craved. and, bert shows her this previously unfathomable life lived with true authenticity.

carson fears, deep down, that her destiny might be to follow in her mother’s footsteps - to run away and to destroy her husband in the process. but in some ways, i have wondered if she was also a possibility model - even if it ruined her family, she knew it was an option to run.

and her resistance to the idea of becoming a mother was so subversive in its own right, even before greta changed her world. within the box of being a small-town housewife in idaho in the late 30s/early 40s, that must be among the most radical things one can do.

and then you have maybelle, a mother and in many ways a mother to the peaches, but also ally to her queer teammates perhaps without truly knowing it. and clance, who clearly admires toni and sees her as a lighthouse as she prepares navigates marriage and pregnancy.

and you have edgar, who deeply respects his wife and also adores his daughter, caught in the middle of these two powerful women and trying to sort out who he is going to be for each of them as they navigate their dynamic. and carson’s father, who is merely absent.

anyway i love queering family and parenthood and i can’t wait to see where these themes go next in this story.