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Self-Disclosure: A Vulnerability or a Strength?

A very close friend of mine visited my clinic and we went to a local café to spend some time together and had a heart-to-heart talk. After coming back to the clinic with him, I wanted his help in moving a heavy chair, and in response to that he told me that he had suffered from some kind of neuromuscular problem in his arms and won’t be able to do the moving.

On another occasion, a relative of mine visited my house and he won’t go upstairs to say hello to my mom. When I requested, he told me that he had some visual problems and won’t be steady on the stairs.

What both these friends did was perfectly normal, an avoidance of self-disclosure. It’s only normal not to share one’s health issues with others.

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 https://www.undoyourstress.com/self-disclosure-a-vulnerability-or-strength/

[emotionsclinic]

How to Insulate Yourself from Everyday Hurts?

Do we live in a friendly world? An honest answer to that would be yes and no, we all want this world to be caring, friendly and fair but we often end up feeling disappointed.

Why is it so? Why can’t people be fair and friendly?

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 https://www.undoyourstress.com/how-to-insulate-yourself-from-everyday-hurts/

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Should we refuse to deal with less-than-desirable people?

It is an in-built human instinct within all of us to move away from painful experiences and seek pleasant ones, as it is necessary for our self-protection and growth.

The wisdom passed down through generations is that we should not associate or socialise with undesirable people in society, as they have the potential of pulling us down. We should be ruthless in saying no to spending time with such people, and as the saying goes – it is better to have an intelligent enemy than a foolish friend.

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 https://www.undoyourstress.com/less-than-desirable-people/

[emotionsclinic]

What is wrong in calling a spade a spade?

Isn’t it wise to speak the truth only when it is helpful to us and to the other individuals concerned?

A friend of mine once asked me how my neighbour was, a general causal question, as we were standing in front of my house and the neighbour’s house was in sight. My instant answer was, “he is an uncouth person who is struggling to settle here in this country.” The friend, who was deep into Christian spirituality and believed in loving thy neighbours, was taken aback, forcing me to feel guilty for not loving my neighbour.

Isn’t it wise to speak the truth only when it is helpful to the individual concerned or the situation demands it, and that also in a friendly and supportive manner?

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 https://www.undoyourstress.com/what-is-wrong-in-calling-a-spade-a-spade/

[emotionsclinic]

The Psychology of Acceptance and Complaining

It is important not to confuse giving feedback with complaining. Every organisation should have a mechanism by which the users can complain and get their grievances addressed.

The culture of giving feedback and complaining is considered desirable as it ensures the proper functioning of any system or organization. Every organization should have a mechanism by which the users can complain and get their grievances addressed.

Read full article here https://www.undoyourstress.com/the-psychology-of-complaining/

[emotionsclinic]

A Film Review Freud – The Netflix Series

Being a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist, I thought it would be unwise on my part to ignore a film on Sigmund Freud. I didn’t know what to expect from the film, was it for psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, or lay public? Was it about educating people, or just to provide entertainment?

Read full article here https://www.undoyourstress.com/freud-the-netflix-series/

[emotionsclinic]

The Joys and Sorrows of Being an Outsider

Soon after moving to England, I used to say to people, “it’s so beautiful and peaceful here, life is so smooth, no stress, nobody is putting any pressures on me to do things and I feel free. The majestic quietness of historical buildings, the flora and fauna are so attractive and peaceful,” and the locals used to laugh at me and would say with dismissive laughter, “oh Kishore, you don’t know how stressful life can be here.

Read full article here https://www.undoyourstress.com/the-joys-and-sorrows-of-being-an-outsider/

[emotionsclinic]

Nostalgia – a Problem or a Solution?

Nostalgia has a magical quality by which our ordinary past experiences are turned into special ones. Even the painful experiences are transformed into bittersweet ones. The ordinary everyday experiences are examined through the tinted glasses of “good old days” and the “lost worlds” that can’t be captured again.

Some authors have viewed nostalgia in terms of a screen memory or a screen effect. It is a memory fallacy and a defence mechanism used to disguise the psychological disturbance from an event as resulting from another (typically less traumatic) event or memory.

Read full article here https://www.undoyourstress.com/nostalgia-a-probem-or-a-solution

[emotionsclinic]

We are pleased to inform you that we are organising a one-day conference on Neurodevelopmental Disorders

We are pleased to inform you that we are organising a one-day conference on Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ADHD, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Tics and Tourette’s Syndrome) on 31 August 2024 in Stoke on Trent. We look forward to welcoming you to this event in Staffordshire, England.

Programme Details: https://emotionsclinic.com/register/

Registration Fee: £25 includes Lunch and Refreshments.

Register here: https://emotionsclinic.com/register/

You can also register by contacting Emotions Clinic – Phone 01782-768656, Email: admin@emotions-clinic.co.uk

[emotionsclinic]

𝐏𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐬: 𝐀 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 (𝐀 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 𝐛𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐦 𝐖𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬)

The film discusses a formula of living in today’s world that the Pope Francis has given – be in peace with each other and in harmony with the environment. We can draw a parallel between the philosophy espoused by the Pope Francis and St Francis of Assisi. Perhaps the Pope chose the name Francis as he was already following the philosophy of St Francis of Assisi.

Saint Francis of Assisi lived 800 years ago in a small town in Italy, he heard the voice of God – “Francis go and restore my house it’s falling into ruins.” He abandoned a life of luxury for a life devoted to Christianity. He is also known as the patron saint of animals and the environment.

𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗹𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲: https://www.undoyourstress.com/pope-francis-a-man-of-his-words-a-film-by-wim-wenders/

[emotionsclinic]

What Heals in Psychotherapy

Kishore Chandiramani

Mark Pearson

Several years ago, I asked my teacher this question and his prompt reply was – a relationship. I wasn’t fully satisfied with this answer as I wanted to know what was in a therapeutic relationship that was not there in other relationships i.e., with our spouse, relatives, friends, or teachers. I asked for further clarification and his answer was – through the therapeutic relationship you are brought closer to the reality. So, it was about understanding “the reality” in a more complete way which normally eludes us. It has something to do with getting honest and open feedback in a secure setting where feedback is a two-way process that is welcomed by the therapist as well as by the patient.

Our friends and family can also offer feedback, and they generally do, which puts us in touch with our “reality”; but their opinions are likely to be biased and may not have the same impact. Our friends are probably too kind to us and want to portray our weaknesses in a positive light. Our parents may have the need to maintain that they were good parents and the difficulties we feel we faced as children are somehow imaginary. This is an understandable thing given that for most of us quite a bit of our self-esteem is bound up with the idea of ourselves as caring loving parents.

Therapy is an opportunity to get a less biased opinion on one’s life situations. In essence all psychotherapy can do is tell you what it’s like for someone to be in a relationship with you and you should feel free to evaluate this feedback.

Psychotherapists like parents will have their own prejudices and these may include wanting to portray themselves as therapists in a good light. However, a well-trained psychotherapist should be aware of these prejudices and should be able to talk to you about difficult aspects of the helping relationship including ways in which you may feel distressed by the psychotherapy at times.

Be wary of therapists who are not open to your comments about doubts or difficulties you are having early on with the psychotherapy process! However, a well conducted psychotherapy will give you the opportunity to look at past unresolved issues in a more objective way, informed by modern understanding of child development.

Another way of describing this involves talking about early attachments to our parents or first caretakers. About two thirds of us make secure bonds with our parents. These are relationships where we feel our parents love and understand us. For this to happen our parents need to have been in a position where they can give most of their attention to looking after us as children.

About a third of us are unable to make secure bonds with our parents, and we never felt securely bonded to our parents. This insecure attachment gives rise to problems later in life. Many people without secure attachments feel they cannot trust other people in relationships. As a result of this, they also feel they cannot trust themselves and they suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

Children who are securely attached to their parents feel confident about leaving them behind and going out into the world to explore new environments and new relationships.

Children who are insecurely attached tend either to cling to their parents in an anxious way or pretend that relationships don’t matter at all and become dependent upon things such as food or objects. Such people often go on in adult life to become addicted to drugs, alcohol or repetitive behaviours such as cutting or overdosing when they are in emotional distress. They find it hard to turn to other people as a source of comfort, as quite naturally they have learnt to distrust people.

It is possible in psychotherapy to enter a relationship with the therapist where some of these difficulties can be relived. By talking about the relationship you have with your therapist openly, you can explore the specific ways in which you feel misunderstood and the specific problems you have in trusting other people. Insights into these difficulties can be very helpful and can help you go on to work out different patterns with people you are close to in your current life. A good, if rather lengthy, account of how early attachments operate and continue to influence people in later life is given by John Bowlby in his three volumes entitled Separation, Loss and Attachment.

The following mechanisms can explain how psychotherapy works:-

So far, we have talked about gaining insight into insecure attachments, which may offer insights about current dysfunctional patterns of relationships. However, people may be suffering because of difficulties with relationships they have with themselves, and this often comes out in the form of symptoms like anxiety, depression or compulsive patterns of behaviour. In addition, it is important to realise that insight alone will not be curative, and you will need to try out new ways of relating to yourself and other people and new ways of tackling problems in the real world. The following points explain the mechanisms that underlie the psychotherapeutic change process:

Getting connected with the inner distress

It is a normal tendency to avoid discomfort and seek pleasure. Unfortunately, both these attitudes can affect our ability to deal with stress adversely. There are inner natural healing mechanisms that operate all the time. These mechanisms get accelerated when we come in contact with inner stress, very much like the release of pain-relieving chemicals (endorphins) when we experience bodily pain. A similar mechanism operates for the mind as well. Becoming aware of the inner distress activates certain homeostatic mechanisms that undo stress. The secret here is to allow yourself to experience distress without reacting to it using your familiar patterns such as avoidance, activity or being dependent on substances or unhealthy relationships.

Reprocessing of old emotionally charged experiences

Psychotherapy offers an opportunity to revisit some of the unresolved issues from the past and understand them differently. Clients learn to reactivate these past experiences and relive them. Whilst reliving they try to understand these experiences differently thereby neutralising their emotional charge. As a result, clients are potentially freed from the restricting influences of these past experiences, because they can choose new ways of reacting to them.

Moving closer to reality

Psychotherapy enables us to look through our own defensive mechanisms (ways of distorting reality so that it becomes more acceptable to us). Defence mechanisms play an important role in coping with our daily stresses but they need to be worked on if they result in psychological symptoms or impair our psychological functioning.

Changing attitudes and behaviours

Insight alone is not going to be sufficient if you’re looking for solutions to real life problems, although it may lead to some improvements in your symptoms and how you feel about yourself. To improve your situation in the world you will need to have the courage to face up to aspects of your behaviour which need to change. Cognitive behavioural therapy is particularly good at helping you examine new strategies for coping with problems such as loneliness, phobias, addictions, anxieties, depressive thoughts, obsessions, and compulsions. For some people this means acquiring skills which they never had before and there is evidence that modelling behaviours using skilled role models such as friends or therapists may be the best way to acquire the skills. For others it is more a question of letting go of old patterns, so that they can put into place skills which already exist but are not being utilised. If you feel you have to acquire completely new skills, you may be well advised to choose a psychotherapy that offers access to some behavioural modelling and remember that it may take you a bit longer to acquire new skills. Interpersonal skills such as learning how to listen to others and empathise with them are perhaps some of the most advanced human skills and take the longest to acquire.

Letting go of unrealistic goals and desires

Stress results when there is a big gap between our perception of where we are and where we should be. This gap can become bigger either because of a very low perception of self or very high inner standards of achievements. Psychotherapy can offer opportunity to individuals to evaluate their abilities and readjust life goals to a more realistic level.

The evidence from psychotherapy outcome research suggests that all the commonly practised brands of psychotherapy are equally effective. This means, that rather surprisingly, it may not matter too much which type of therapy you are offered. We include a list of the commonly practised therapies below. The important thing is for you to undergo an experience that includes developing a trusting relationship, tackling the feared problems, and trying out new ways of coping with it. It is probably wise to ensure that your therapist has adequate training and supervision and practices under are a recognised code of ethics which includes a complaints procedure should things go wrong.

The essential ingredients of therapy

A safe, warm, trusting relationship with a therapist who you feel understands you.

Undoing avoidance: This means tackling emotionally painful experiences which you remain preoccupied with, and which are currently causing you distress. This requires courage and determination. It is not necessary to bring up every unhappy topic from your past life. Things you have successfully forgotten or have come to terms with can be left alone.

Understanding things differently: Understanding what lies behind your symptoms. Insight may not be essential, but it is often helpful.

Trying out new ways of coping. Until you try out new forms of behaviour you cannot predict whether they make you feel better or worse. It takes courage to change, and you will probably need to evaluate with your therapist whether the change is going in the right direction for you. Ultimately you are the best person to decide this for yourself.

Read more at https://www.undoyourstress.com/counselling-and-psychotherapy/

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𝐈𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞?

Tolerance is a virtue, but tolerance of injustice is not.

Sadly, I see injustice happening all around me all the time, and not tolerating injustice would mean I remain in confrontational and fighting mode perpetually. A polite reminder can change things for a short while but not long term as it is difficult for people to change their personalities.

We should live at two different levels, just as there is daylight and night, and there is action and rest, in a similar way there is tolerance and refusal to tolerate. In the outer world, operating from our working minds, we should be intolerant of injustice. Whereas during periods of rest and inner connection, and operating from our inner consciousness/soul, we should remain in a tolerant and forgiving mode.

Read full article at https://www.undoyourstress.com/is-it-okay-to-tolerate-injustice/

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𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

Love is not a feeling, not even a state of being or a finished product, but a constant state of becoming, it’s live and beating, like our hearts, all the time. When you truly love somebody your thought “I have done enough for this person and they are not responding” gets replaced with the thought “I haven’t done enough for this person and would like to do more.” Even if you have done enough for this person, it has become the past, but your love right now is judged by your willingness to do more now and in the future. If that willingness has died your love has died.

Read more at https://www.undoyourstress.com/understanding-love/

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Self Disclosure: A Vulnerability or a strength | Dr. Kishore Chandiramani | Emotions Clinic UK

In this video, Dr. Kishore Chandiramani, Psychiatrist at Emotions Clinic, Staffordshire, UK discusses about Self Disclosure and that whether it is a sign of a vulnerability or a strength

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Is my Unhappiness Normal ? | Mental Health | Dr. Kishore Chandiramani | Emotions Clinic UK

In this video, Dr. Kishore Chandiramani, Psychiatrist at Emotions Clinic, Staffordshire, UK helps one understand if their unhappiness is normal or not!

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What Causes Stress | How to Manage Stress | How Stress affects your body - Dr. Kishore Chandiramani

In Session 1 of the series of Six Sessions on Stress Management, Dr. Kishore Chandiramani talks about the causes of Stress & how to manage stress.

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Understanding Self- Confidence - Inspirational poem by Dr. Kishore Chandiramani | Emotions Clinic

In this video, Dr. Kishore Chandiramani, Psychiatrist at Emotions Clinic, Staffordshire, UK narrates an inspirational poem titled: Understanding Self- Confidence to help us understand the power of Self- Confidence !