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girl my parents are fighting my only consolation is that it had absolutely nothing to do with me. i feel bad for feeling a little good about that

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thank you so much twitter for putting me on shedtwt when im down i really appreciate it thank you so much lol

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dude i'm so done with this i don't even want to kill myself or even cut myself or break my wrist like god i just. i can't deal with this. i'm gonna cancel my therapy appointment on tuesday i don't think i can handle that being over too. not right now, not today. if i don't cancel it right now, i'll forget and let it end. i don't know if i can take that. but also, i worry. am i making the wrong decision? i'm not ready

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having a thought that people always tell me i'm strong for doing [whatever i've done] or getting through [whatever i've been through] for so long and that they probably wouldn't have been able to or something something and anyway i always think that like. it's literally just my life. i did what i had to do, i became who i had to, in little ways or in big ones. i am my mother's daughter, maybe. i'll always be what i have been because i'll always make it through. i dont know. i really appreciate and need to hear people telling me these things but then at the same time i'm always embarrassed as hell. it's literally my life like it's normal and i will get through it just the same

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my mother is emotionally abusive. it's so hard to come to terms with that and just. say it. we talked about it today in therapy sort of about why and how i feel using a stupid ahh chart describing physical reactions. whatever idk. i asked my therapist to tell me, even though i already knew the answer, whether what i experience is abuse. and they said yes, without a doubt, that is emotional abuse. she is emotionally abusive. so that's where i'm at rn what about u guys

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yaye. did therapy

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nervous. therapy tomorrow

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GAHHHH I'M SO SCARED. i like my therapist so much and this isnt a normal therapy thing to be worried about it's just because mine is technically paid for with my college tuition but because it's more of a crisis-based system, well, TLDR i get 12 sessions a year and then it's over or whatever. and i've known this since i've started and it's always been in the back of my mind. AND IM SO FUCKING SCARED OF IT BEING OVER.

ever since like session 2 or 3 i've been so hyper aware of it because 3 sessions is 25% of it done and 4 is 33% which is 1/3 and those were very high numbers in my head but my upcoming appointment is number 8 even though there are 5 more sessions that i've yet to attend it just feels like it's all already over. i KNOW that's dramatic but 8/12 is over half over that's 66% that's already reaching grade C it's not even an F like that's a solid D even maybe a D+ (do they do those?)

i hate that they made me trust them and care about them so much more than i thought they would and just. GAH. i should have expected this because that truly is how i am. i should have expected this and some part of me wishes i never started but another part knows this has changed my perspective for the better

i just. am so god damn terrified. i have lost every "figure" in my life who has cared. lost so many friends who were my world. lost so many. it's just getting hard to keep up. and i am afraid. maybe i should discuss this with them

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sometimes i'll just be at work thinking about therapy things. does my ¿¿;;?,¿ do my experiences affect my relationships?

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there was something else they said to me how she can mean well, and it could still be abuse. not saying it is, because that's too big of a step, haha. but if it were. she could still mean well and have good intentions. but it could still be abuse. and i think that's a lot to think about.

someone could love you endlessly yet still be abusing you.

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i think one of the things that has been troubling me the most after talking about it to my therapist is the idea that i might not deserve what has happened to me.

i mean obviously every person in my life has never ever come close to deserving an ounce of the bad things that have happened to them, but for me? the things simply aren't that bad. and i am that bad. consequentially, these things that happened to me i cannot blame her for. she means well. even if i can't see it because i am mean and evil and a horrible person, well. she is a person too. and she is trying her best

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hi, welcome to my silly little corner of this website. i'm angel (they/them, 18) and i'm back at it again with another blog i likely won't use long after having created it. nonetheless, i want to have this anyway.

i started therapy nearly two months ago, and it's given me a lot to think about. honestly i just wanted a public place to post my thoughts, fears, feelings, and other therapist-caused musings.

i love my therapist a lot, though they do have some hot takes that might be a tad too warm for the online spaces i've inhabited. please dont cancel my therapist i like them. anyhow. send an ask with any questions or whatever. yay!