ernieernieboi - Tumblr blog

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie's heart rate slowed as he saw the redhead approach, Thank God. The wave of embarrassment hit when the cat vanished in the girl's hands. Can familiars cause allergies? Fuck! He was so afraid he forgot about the populations of witches in Lunar Cove ... which means familiars. "Yeah, they can," he lied, hopping down from the bench, "I read about it on ... somewhere."

He looked at the remains of his slushie, now displayed across the park's pathway. "How bout I buy you a slushie, instead?" He grabbed the cup and tossed it in a nearby trash can. "In return, just promise not to tell anyone what you just heard." He laughed nervously. "Are you good? Do you want to go get cleaned up? I got the slushie from the froyo shop over there," he pointed to Happy Scoops, "C'mon, they might have a bathroom."

The scream that split the air open was what pulled Briar into action. She ran towards where Posie had wandered, sniffing blue slushie spreading across the concrete while a man had perched himself on top of the bench where her familiar was currently sniffing around.

"Can familiars cause an allergy?" She asked, scooping Posie into her arms, blue slushie sticking to her paws, Briar frowned at the cat, and the magic holding her there disappeared until the only evidence left of the cat was the sticky blue left on her palms. Her gaze dropped towards the blue melted sugar seeping near the tips of her shoes. She stepped to the side, "I'm sorry about that. She's gone now." She lifted her eyes to his face, an empathetic frown. "Sorry about your... blueberry?" She piqued a brow, "slushie. Can I please buy you another one? I feel bad that my cat caused you to scream...like that." She winced a bit, recalling the high-pitched scream he had let loose only moments before.

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie took a moment to compose himself, clearly amused by Song's reaction to his pirate-themed bar pitch. "Alright, whatever. The Mystic Mermaid is a great idea. Your loss, have your bougie ass boat bar," he said only half joking. “I’m Ernie. The person you’ll be calling when you need some ideas.” He paused, taking in the surroundings of the boat they were observing, then shifted the conversation. "So, Song, what brings you to Lunar Cove?" He said. "Got any other boring, unimaginative plans or projects you're working on? Have you always been a businessman?”

He tilted a brow up as Ernie took a shot of the whiskey, wondering if he even wanted to go along with whatever journey Ernie was clearly about to take them down and as the word 'pirate' left Ernie's lips, he realized he definitely didn't. But, here they were all the same. "The mermaid is decaying," He pointed with a tilt of his head to the green and rotting mermaid that had been forced onto the front of the ship despite it clearly not belonging there. The boat wasn't even a pirate ship. Just a large wooden boat with sails. But, the past owner had decided 'pirates' seemed nautical themed hence all of the ridiculous decor everywhere. "It's got to go. The pirate theme is out too. But, you've got quite the hand in making pitches there. You should go into sales. And bartenders in scantily clad uniforms isn't a bad idea. They'd likely rake in tips, so maybe you could still have your one night and I emphasis one night a week to host a Hooters for girls and gays mermaid whatever the hell you're talking about. But, put it on a Tuesday." That was always one of the hardest nights for bars anyways. "Song Seo-Joon. But, you can just call me Song. It's easier. What about you? What's your name?"

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie leaned back in his chair, a casual grin spreading across his face as he took in the energy of the room. He’d done some interviews so far, but most, he realized, were done during his stream — Or theirs. In-person interviews were pretty new. The few "interviews" he did in person were candid, and Pop Crave or TMZ tracking him down at Dave and Buster’s or A Bathhouse to ask about The Reborn Baby Debacle was hardly an interview. But how hard could it be?

What’s Up CumDumps and JackOffs! It’s ya boy Ernie, also known as Dumpster Baby." he said, his voice relaxed but with a hint of excitement. An awkward silence fell across the room, Ernie probably should have briefed everyone on his fandom name(s). "Uh- For those of yall who don't know me, I'm Ernie Jackson. You might've seen me on Twitch where I stream all sorts of shit—gaming, live challenges, and everyone’s favorite: Conspiracy Theories.” He chuckled, stroking the stubble on his chin, recalling how crazy those lives can get, especially when he takes live callers. "Yeah, I've had a crazy past. Got my start doing travel videos, some prank videos, and those infamous 24-hour streams. I mainly just chill now. Especially since moving here."

Ernie glanced at Mason. Well, it was more of a side-eye, really. "I'm guessing you did some digging? I'm lowkey scared, but I'm happy to be here," he said, a bit apprehensively. Ernie was never really scared of things, much to his detriment, but he knew that if Ralph thought you were cool, then you're most likely trouble. Ernie wasn't worried about what was to come, but he knew he was in for it.

for: @ernieernieboi location: siren sounds

"Gooooood Afternoooon, Lunar Cove!" Mason sang out the standard greeting that made a smile dance across lips out of sheer thrill and joy he felt doing it. He considered themself to be lucky to do this day in a day out. "Folks we know we keep saying we have treat you you all, and we mean it every time! Like the time we had my boy Julian on for candy wars? I know y'all still heated on that topic, don't worry were gonna get him back for part two real soon, but in the meantime! We got a celeb in our midst...and no it ain't me," he laughed, "But I do still sign autographs, hit me up yeah? Anyway I'm being told to get back to it, so! Our guest tonight, and we're very keen to have him on, drumroll please..." to which he played the sound as backup, "Ernest Jackson!" He did gesture to him but that only benefited those in the studio. With a smirk playing up now, he turned to Ernie, words doubled edged on purpose. Mason had done research for once, looking up their guest before they came in and he nearly fell out of the chair laughing at what he found. "Wanna introduce yourself, dude? Tell the Covians what you famous for? You have quite the presence in the interwebs."

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie's curious gaze lingered on the notebook before meeting the other guy’s cold one. Who walks around in public with a notebook that says ‘Confidential Thoughts’? Fuckin’ Geek. Ernie thought about grabbing the notebook and running to Twitch to tell the world, but the man was kind of fine. Sure, an LA 5 or a Brazil 3, but here in Lunar Cove? An 8.9. Maybe just an 8. He kind of had an attitude, Ernie lets it slide. Perhaps he just has a lot of feelings.

“Yeah, I'm new here. Just trying to make sense of all this …. shit.." He trailed off, gesturing around. He’d been so distracted he forgot to tell the guy his name. “…The Catalyst... Sheriff Cavanaugh ... Like, what the fuck made her turn so … dangerous?”

Yes, Ernie knew he sounded nosey, and the guy was slightly annoyed and just wanted to eat his chips or whatever, but Ernie was on a mission. Besides, the 'Confidential Thoughts' in public? A definite cry for help. Naturally, this guy has no life, therefore he had time to talk to Ernie.

The waitress finally brought Ernie’s burger and fries. The burger is extra pink of course. He leaned forward, his curiosity palpable. 'You mentioned some past events. Gimme the deets.” He popped a fry in his mouth. “And what was your name again? I’m Ernie.”

Seated at the diner, a half eaten tuna on rye and a half finished crossword puzzle quickly being forgotten beside him, Eren was scrawling away at a notebook, labelled CONFIDENTIAL THOUGHTS. Scattered thoughts on cases, on things he kept relative tabs on, and more importantly the Catalyst, were written down in his bold hand in messy blocks of text, not always following the dedicated lines on the pages, and filling every possible margin space. Anyone who tried to read his notes would be lost and unable to follow his mental flow. Perhaps that made it an even more secure way for him to approach all the voices bouncing about in his head with theory and thoughts. The identity of the Catalyst answered a very big question, the big “who” that was on their minds, but did it really? Even the best armchair detective would have to still more emphatically ask who the Catalyst was. It blended as much into the why. He jotted down scattered notes and theories, all given to him after that heinous night. The things he learned, the things they all saw. This was coming to an end, he felt it, he just hoped to be there when it all did.

Blinking up at the voice of another, the banshee detective shut his notebook and tucked it into his leather satchel, weaving gloved hands over the table as the other spoke. This stranger seemed to recognize him… Eren did not. “A lot of people did,” he responded. Evidently no one cared to spare him, however. Perhaps he should be grateful he was not popular, he had better things to do on the outside. “Yes,” he answered, then after a beat he realized he should probably ask the same. “And you’re okay?” His tone did not indicate an actual desire to know, but Eren was never one for friendly small talk or banter. He was awkward and solitary in all senses of the words. “You mean you don’t know about the Catalyst?” Oh, so maybe this one was new. Picking at the chips which came with his sandwich, but making no indication to eat them, he shrugged, “The Catalyst, or who we now know as our former Sheriff Cavanaugh, is a mysterious figure who has been torturing this community and threatening our lives for some time now. She likes to play games and she likes to cause as much turmoil and pain as possible, all because of some past events or something or other…” Eren trailed off as another thought dawned on him. He blinked and continued, “Anyway, that was another display of her cruelty. No matter who you are, she gets everyone in her crossfire. Hope that helps clarify anything. …are you new in town?” He was doing it, the small talk he hated, and yet… Well, he was trying.

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie caught his weary smile in a nearby reflection, and he quickly changed his demeanor. Hopefully, she didn’t notice. “Guess I’m a good guesser... I guess?” he replied. The woman seemed friendly, a little too friendly. People were just attacked and you’re being friendly? Ernie would have to be careful, underneath her sweet southern charm could be The Catalyst 2. “I mean, I'm making it, but it's been a rough start. This place is... different.' Though Ernie was skeptical of Little Miss Darkness, he was interested in what she knew. He sighed at her next words, 'Yeah, I heard. I'm just trying to figure out what I walked into. I came here to escape danger, but the way people have talked about the Catalyst? She sounds like a supernatural cockroach. Maybe you could fill me in a bit more?”

"Awful good at pickin' faces outta a masked crowd, are you, honey?" Rae asked, grinning at him as she walked over. She'd been headed to the store to make groceries when she'd heard his voice. "I'm alright," she replied. She'd used up most of her magic that night, but the effects of it had all but faded. "You making it? I think you're newer in these parts than I am. Can't be easy."

Laughing humorlessly, Rae Elle said, "Haven't you heard? Some bitch out there wants us all dead. Ain't even a hunter, either, though, they also want us dead. It's just a hoot and a half, really. A bona fide fuckin' delight."

[ernieernieboi]

Yeah, I just moved in not too long ago.” Ernie sat next to the man. “I think we met at FAE-Kea when I was furniture shopping. Efe right? I’m Ernie.” Ernie definitely remembered Efe. He didn’t see much of him at the party though, but then again he didn’t see much of anybody that night. He sure as hell didn’t remember a bulldozer making an appearance.  Ernie felt a wave of heat flush across his face at Efe’s offer, surely he didn’t mean it that way. That didn’t stop Ernie’s dirty mind. 

“A bulldozer?” Ernie said. “I mean, thanks for the help, but this town is full of supernaturals why would they need a bulldozer?" Perhaps Ernie was underestimating this Catalyst thing. If what Efe was saying is true then it must be pretty powerful. 

Why does the Catalyst was us dead? Is there something about this town I don’t know?” Ernie gasped. “Yo, are we on burial grounds on some shit?” His eyes widened, he was only half joking — keyword: half. 

I'm glad you're ok, we can't lose our everyday heroes." He teased, nudging him on his strong, sculpted, muscular shoulder. "Me? Oh, I’m a vampire. Got turned almost 86 years ago.” He noticed Badger sitting, obediently. “Why? Should I be concerned? Does he not like supernaturals either?” Ernie gestured toward the dog. 

Looking up, Efe offered a tired smile. While each new disaster in Lunar Cove dealt a blow to him, this one, in particular, had left the man exhausted, drained within an inch of himself. Keeping up the willpower to fight, to survive, to stay in this place, became a more daunting challenge each day. Yet, he carried on. He had to. "Hey, sit," he chided briefly at his dog, Badger, who was leaping at his feet and excited for new company. Efe patted the animal's head before giving Ernie a nod. "Uh, yeah, man...I, uh, called in the bulldozer. Go outsiders, I guess," he sighed, offering a polite laugh, but being thrown out the action really had left him mostly feeling guilty about that night.

"Oh, uh me? Yeah, yeah, I'm good. How about you, man? You're pretty new around here, right? That must have been...a lot. I'm sorry. You need anything? I'm happy to point you in the right direction. Even if it's just...ways to get your mind off all this," he offered genuinely. "But uh, right...where to start? There's sort of a person, the former Sheriff, so it just came out. Goes by the Catalyst...stupid name, but she kind of emerged as an enemy of Lunar Cove. Tried more than a few times to really hurt us all. Succeeded at it. Works with hunters from the outside, people who want to destroy non-humans. I mean, hell, I'm human, so I'm not...but, that doesn't matter to them. Living here, trying to make this place work, that's bad enough. I'm sorry this probably isn't the haven you may have been hoping for. Can I ask what you are...?"

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie had been window shopping for clothes ever since he came to this town, after finishing up some more furniture shopping, he decided to check out one of the boutiques to close out the day. Sadly, nothing caught his eye. The clothes were old, and maiden-like — nothing he would particularly wear himself. It was a letdown going from store to store and running into such plain clothing that Ernie stopped to get a slushy — a blue raspberry one, to be exact. He always got slushies to cheer himself up as a child, and now that he’d been turned it was one of the habits that he held onto.

Unbeknownst to Ernie, his blue raspberry alone time would be cut short.

A frosty ball of evil found its next victim in Ernie. Its cold, piercing blue eyes had locked its sight on Ernie a few feet from the park bench where he sat. He knew from visiting Istanbul to never run from stray cats, especially if you had food.

The cat proceeded closer its icy gaze still on Ernie, it briefly began to smell his leg, obviously with plans to bite it off. He quickly hopped on top of the park bench. He’d been so distracted by the cat (and his slushy hitting the ground), that he didn’t hear the sharp screech he let out. A screech that resembled that of a child and not a grown man.

The voice of a woman came to the rescue, so Ernie thought. “I don’t care what it is”. His voice trembled. “I uh- I’m allergic to cats! Can you umm…” He cleared his throat. “Please get it away from me!"

@ernieernieboi

Briar was moving down the streets, following Posie as she made a weaving path through the space of Sunny Harbor. She'd looked down to check her phone all for a split second and Posie, magic incarnate in the form of a white, fluffy cat had found something...someone new to check out. Pink nosed sniffed around the legs of a man Briar had not seen around town before. Given the recent events her suspicions were raised, watching her cat get closer and closer she lingered back a bit, "She's a familiar." She called as a greeting still not sure who this person was or if they were safe or not.

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie stood at the foot of the RV steps, taking in Ralph's words, each one hitting him like a tidal wave of memories and emotions. He hadn’t expected an apology, let alone one so raw and heartfelt. He tried to stay composed, but the years of unresolved feelings began to surface, making his heart pound in his chest.

Nothing was going to plan. This was supposed to be like the movies. Ernie pours his heart out, and then, at once, he would turn and make his dramatic exit. The wind he’d pick up would open his flannel, and all Ralph would see was it flowing dramatically behind his scorned ex-lover. “Ernie wait!” Ralph would call out, but it would be too late. Ernie would have disappeared into the sunset.

But a hand on Ernie’s shoulder jolted him back to reality. 

Ernie felt a warmth he hadn't realized he'd been missing. He looked at Ralph, really looked at him, seeing the same man he had fallen for all those years ago, but also someone who had clearly been through hell and back. The sincerity in his eyes rendered Ernie weak, frozen.

Ralph really did love him.

First Love. Ernie's breath hitched when Ralph said those words. That would ring in Ernie's head for the rest of the week. It took him everything not to give in, especially after everything Ralph just said. 'I still love you too, I never stopped loving you.' Ernie wanted so badly to blurt out, thankfully Ralph had a case of word vomit, so Ernie let it go.

It's not like he would've said anything anyway. The past few seconds left Ernie speechless. Which is quite the feat. 

Everything was rushing back. The love, the pain, the abandonment, the eventual heartbreak—all of it. Maybe heartbreak would be an understatement. In actuality, he’d been grieving. For years he accepted what happened, but grief would find him on a random Friday sending him into anger, then depression. Sometimes the depression would come first, after the acceptance. Then time would pass only for grief to find him again, usually at the most inconvenient time.

Despite all this, Ernie could never hate Ralph. He certainly would’ve never looked at him as a monster. Even if he was a blood-sucking vampire. Besides, Ernie knew Ralph as a nighttime bedroom monster anyway and he was ok with that. Preferred it actually.

“Walk on the moon with me?” Ernie managed to crack a smile. “You must have got that from me, you’ve never been that smooth Ralphonso.” Ernie teased before pulling Ralph in until their bodies were pressed against one another. He pulled away before things got too cliche, and the world around them began to melt -- Which is where things were going.

He was still mad at him of course. But someone had to break the tension.

"Ralph," he started, his voice softer now, the anger and hurt still there but mingled with a deep-seated affection. "You left me in the dust, man. And I won't lie, it fucked me up. But... seeing you again, hearing you say all this... it means something. A lot, actually."

He took a deep breath, considering his next words carefully. "I've changed too. I've had my own demons to face, especially since I've become the demon. And yeah, I've been happy. But there were always moments when I wondered about you, about us."

Ernie glanced at the RV, then back at Ralph. "An hour is not enough, we have a lot to catch up on, and we don't need to rush this. But first ... an RV tour." ”

With the RV rattling around him as it roared down the road, Ralph drummed his fingers atop the steering wheel, a peculiar giddy nervousness settling over his entire frame. Once, when he was perhaps around five-years-old, a classmate had told him that Santa had an evil friend who spirited bad little boys away never to be seen again. Ralph had laughed in the kid's face and called him a swear word, but that holiday, he had still lie awake, wondering if each unknown noise was a horned demon coming to get him. He was facing that again, he thought, the uncertainty if what awaited him was Christmas morning or comeuppance. And he knew he deserved the latter.

He had not done right by Ernie. At the time, vanishing felt, in so many ways, like the only option. But after the initial shock passed, Ralph had allowed the lure of hedonism to pull him into a new, technicolor afterlife, detached from everything he had once held close. But the wondering had never stopped. He wondered if the other man had been happy. He wondered if, maybe given a few more years, the pair of them could have really had something tangible, if he would have even allowed himself to have such a thing. Hindsight made even the most monumental things seem small.

Seeing him again, however, so suddenly, unchanged, had set Ralph ablaze, burning with the hope for something. He did not quite know what. He dared not think it was a second chance. He had not earned such thing.

Pulling the vehicle to a stop, Ralph took a long, steadying breath before jumping to his feet. Moving toward the door, he made a few motions of tidying, bopping a drawer closed with his hip, tucking a few discarded papers into a neater pile. He straightened his hair in the reflection of a back window before spinning around as Ernie knocked.

Ralph leaned in the doorframe once he tugged it open, casual, anti-frantic, cool and collected, the utter opposite of how he genuinely felt in this moment. He tried to smile.

"I'm...uh, I'm real glad yer okay too. I'm sorry all that shit was your welcome to Lunar Cove. It was a helluva lot," he murmured softly, although he could not help but wince a little when Ernie continued. "I deserve that. And I don't....Look, it don't gotta be nothing. Elif does what she wants. I didn't want to make this a whole...I'm not tryna put pressure or nothin' on you, is what I mean."

Stepping out the vehicle, he tried to close some of the distance between them, but the motion was uncertain, unwilling to push or intrude. "I didn't. It was all baloney, ya dig it? No torture. Nothing. I didn't almost die. I'm primo. I'm swell. We're here, and....Look, it all made me realize that if I'm gonna live forever, I gotta start doin' it with less regrets. And if I ain't gonna live forever, I just gotta say everythin' I gotta say." He crossed his arms, shrinking inward somewhat. "So I just wanted you to know. That's all. Back in '69, I was...I am still...I was so in love with you, Ernie. My first love. Hell, maybe my only love. I couldn't say it. But I was young, and stupid, and so scared, and I'm still two of those things 'cause I know folks don't ever really change." He swallowed, allowing a beat of heavy, guilt-laden silence to fall over them.

"But when I got...you know, made into this, made into what I am, I didn't know what to do. I was dead. And then I wasn't. How could I face anyone? Like a corpse? Like a monster? Realizin' all I wanted to do was drink? And then, once I found friends, once I started gettin' the hang of it all, it didn't change. No one I knew could know. But I was free and nameless and power-hungry and blood-thirsty, and yeah, I liked it...I liked havin' no attachments. And I thought that was all I wanted. But I got too big for my britches and fucked it up, so I had to leave New York. But then, all these years later, I found Lunar Cove, and I realize all I ever wanted was attachments. And shit, what I mean is, I did it. I ditched you. It was wrong. It was bullshit. And I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve it."

Ralph closed his eyes, his own heart bounding a bit when Ernie too said the terrible, frightening, electric l-word. "I'm not asking for nothing. I don't expect us to just...pretend nothin' ever happened. But if you have any room to give it, I'd like to get to know you again. 'Cause gettin' to know you was one of the very best things I ever did. And fifty years is a long time. Were you happy? Do the same things still make you laugh? What did you give up? What did you gain? What did I fuckin' make you give up?"

He bit his lip, nodding. Falling silent, Ralph took the hourglass and held it for a moment but made no effort to stop the other from going. After a beat, though, Ralphie broke into a laugh. It started small, but it grew quickly, louder and heartier, until it was shaking his entire frame. "Is this...is this fuckin' Tang? You're goddamn ridiculous, Ernest. Where did you get this? And Lance? Lance? Like the other fuckin' Armstrong? Ernie, I..."

Hurrying, he moved to place a hand on his shoulder. "Please. Don't go. Come inside. We can...talk. You can shout at me. Hell, you can knock me square in the jaw if you want. Anythin' that'll let us live in this town together even if it ain't together. Plus, I have bagged blood in the Frigidaire. Swell stuff. You're welcome to it." He shook the astronaut in his grasp, an utterly ludicrous trinket, so out there, so wild, the kind of thing only a person who really got him would ever think to gift him. "Not asking for nothing. Not forgiveness. Not forgetting. Nothing. Just an hour. We can use Lance to time it for us. NASA owes us that much. Please. The disappearing is on me. I know that. But if I had my way, I woulda been with you July 16, 1969. Walk on the moon with me for just a little bit."

[ernieernieboi]

"I said, 'long night?'" Ernie was still shaken up from the events at the ball. He'd never seen this girl but assumed her demeanor stemmed from that too. He was right, of course. It's all people have been talking about. "But forget about it," Ernie said. "You must have been at the ball. Tell me, did you get trapped inside or whatever?"

Who: @lunarcovestarters

Where: Anywhere

Elena was tired from the events of the other night still and found herself anxiously wondering how safe of a haven this place really was. Especially considering the fact that someone named the Catalyst was clearly trying to kill them all. Hearing the person behind her speak up once more and she jumped slightly. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” She asked curiously as she turned to look at them with an innocent expression on her face. “I was just—“ She stuttered as she tried to find the right words. “Sorry, but this town is a shit show and I can’t get my mind off of it.”

[ernieernieboi]

"Boat Bar?" Ernie empasized each 'B' hoping to show how jarring the name sounded. "Nah man, I think you need something that's fun to say. Something aluring. Sexy." Each restaurant in Lunar Cove had its own unique personality the chains were starting to get rid of these days, Ernie appreciated the presentation. Even though the place needed work, there potential. "Walk with me here." Ernie grabbed the whiskey out of the guy's hand, quickly taking a shot before putting the bottle back between his fingers. He wiped his lips with his fingertips. "So it's a pirate ship right? But boom, it's been overtaken by mermaids, right? So now the mermaids have hypnotized the pirates and are making them run the restaurant, for whatever reason, bills maybe? Wait, no, the atmosphere is so HYPnotic they're now HYPnotizing the patrons with their delicious food and drinks that keep coming back." Ernie looked to the guy before gasping. "The Mystic Mermaid! And all the waiters are gogo boys in a "tattered" --scantily clad -- pirate uniforms. It can be like Hooters, but for girls and gays!" Ernie smiled, proud of his off the cuff creativity. "What do you think -- Uh, what was your name again?"

@lunarcovestarters

"What do you think?" He finally asked, glancing up from the bottle of whiskey that was currently dangling precariously between his fingers as he leaned over the rail of the pirate ship of a boat that was in need of a hell of a lot of work before the bar would be able to be reopened to the public. He had vague memories of Shipfaced back when he was a kid, but it had always been too kitchy for his own liking. The previous owner would dress up as a Pirate and shout 'yarg' at whoever entered for god knows what reason. But, the foundation was there and it had a pretty nice space downstairs that could be turned into his own quarters to live which very well meant that he could solve his lack of a home and lack of a job problem in one go. It was just a question of whether or not it would be profitable. "Boat Bar, place you want to spend your Saturday night or does it reek of seasickness and a recipe for disaster?"

[ernieernieboi]

@lunarcovestarters who: everyone where: anywhere when: anytime (after the event)

It wasn't the attack at the ball that had Ernie on edge, it was the fact that he didn't know what the fuck was going on. Ernie was delusional enough to think he could protect himself against whoever The Catalyst was, so he wasn't worried about danger. He was more concerned about what they wanted, and is he to expect them to crash a party every time someone throws one?

A few feet away, he noticed someone he thought he had seen that night. "I saw you at the ball the other night." He said. Of course, everyone was wearing a mask so he could be making a fool of himself, but it was worth a shot if he wanted some answers. "Are you, you know, good? Do you know what that was about?"

[ernieernieboi]

who: @rxmiddlemasx where: The Zesty Corner (ralph's gay ass rv) when: after Ernie's convo with Elif

The only time Ernie felt nervous was at times like these. If his audience does not hang on to his every word — enamored under his charm — then Ernie has no choice but to come from behind the veil of humor and do the unthinkable: be vulnerable. It’s why he never feared getting in trouble with anyone besides his Aunt Mabel. She was never moved by his humor when he tried to use it to escape a mess he’d made. So he always just came out and told the truth. The same could be said for Ralph. 

As the olive green RV Ralph called his home grew closer and closer, the butterflies in Ernie's stomach began to course through his entire body. The flutter of his heart intensified with the anxious buzzing in his veins that made his knees buckle a few times. He almost dropped the gift he’d brought for Ralph. It was an hourglass being held by an astronaut. Ernie spent the last 24 hours figuring out how to remove the sand so he could replace it with Tang  Powder— a drink Ralph loved. He kept his sweaty palms away from the glass to guarantee he wouldn’t accidentally make Tang, with sweat. 

It had only been a short while since Ernie came to Lunar Cove, and all his plans had already fallen apart. He believed he had found a sanctuary where he didn’t have to continuously look over his shoulder for any danger. That didn’t seem to be the case so far. Snapshots of The Masquerade Ball went in and out of Ernie’s head since it happened. He woke up with the taste of tequila still fresh on his tongue. He was basically tossing back shots all night, but what happened after? Ernie couldn’t tell. Tequila. Flirting. Some guy who still uses a flip phone. Ralph. 

Ernie swore he was going to get him back, for all these years lost. Ralph was gonna chase him like Ernie had been doing all these years. But seeing Ralph, even behind a mask, his heart softened. He was back in New York tangled up in Ralph’s arm, in Ralph’s bed, or maybe Ralph in his. 

God, Ernie wishes he never fucking met him.  

Their conversation had been limited that night, it felt like old times, sure, but it was interrupted by whoever the fuck the catalyst was. A happy reunion turned into a nightmare. The two got separated from each other, and Ernie didn’t know what happened to Ralph until Elif had come over with flowers from Ralph. 

He loves me?  It bounced through his head for the rest of the day.

If you loved me, why did you just … leave? 

He held the astronaut man with both hands but almost dropped it when he reached out to knock on the door. He hugged it when Ralph appeared. 

It was much harder looking him in his stupid face without liquid courage. Maybe Ernie should have just made this a phone call. 

“I-um..” He avoided his eyes. “I’m glad you’re ok. I know you saw my text, or whatever, but yeah. I was just worried. But like …” He shrugged. “I’m kind of trying to avoid you? But I don’t know, I just … Look, I don’t know what the fuck this is Ralph.” Ernie said. He was finally able to look at him now. “ I don’t want to make this about me 'cause I know you almost died and I was so worried which is why I’m here but how can you love me and you just …” Ernie trailed off. He sounded like an asshole. “I shouldn’t be here talking to you, but like I want to cause I still love- like you too— I mean, I like you and was kind of losing my mind until I talked to Elif and she told me what you said —.” He stopped to get his thoughts together. He had to get the hell out of there, he sounded and looked like a fucking idiot.“I’m glad you’re ok Ralphie — Ralph.” He handed the Tang hourglass to  Ralph. “Here I brought you this guy. His name is Lance.” He paused, before turning to the other way.

[ernieernieboi]

all about ernie!

FULL NAME:  Ernest Eugene Jackson

NICKNAMES: Ernie, DumpsterxBaby666, Count Cockula

AGE: "29" (actually 83)

BIRTHDATE: December 1 0th, 1941

ZODIAC: Sagittarius sun, Aries moon, Leo rising 

SPECIES: Vampire

PLACE OF BIRTH:  Manhattan, New York (raised in Harlem)

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Lunar Cove, Rhode Island

NEIGHBORHOOD: Sunny Harbor

OCCUPATION: Bartender/Twitch Streamer

Character Inspo: Book!Damon Salvatore(The Vampire Diaries), Stewie Griffin (Family Guy), Gengar (Pokemon), and Paddington (Bear).

The most important thing to know about Ernie is that he is a Sagittarius Sun, Aries Moon, Leo Rising. Which is to say that even before he was turned into a Vampire, he was led by the dark side. 

In 1939, Ernie's biological parents, Margaret Rutherford and Ernest Sr, began having an affair. At the time, Margaret was engaged to Dalton Jessup, the successor to his father’s farming company, Jessup Agricultural. Having an affair, especially one that was interracial, ran a huge risk, and would ultimately end in bloodshed. 

The affair was revealed when Dalton heard Ernest Sr. and Margaret after coming home from work one afternoon. Not wanting to lose her meal ticket, and become a social pariah, Margaret threw Ernest under the bus. She claimed she was assaulted, and Ernest was chased down by Connor and some of the men in town and brutally beaten till his last breath.

Margaret remained with Dalton and tried to put what she’d done behind her. She had saved her engagement, and her reputation, and best of all, she was pregnant. She knew in her heart the baby wasn’t Dalton’s, she tried everything in her power to try and get rid of the baby to no avail. 

When a biracial baby was looking back at the both of them the day she had Ernie all hell broke loose. Her husband threatened to divorce her, so they both agreed to leave Ernie in a dumpster outside the hospital. Finally, she had left the remnants of her affair in the past for good -- or so she thought.

Ernest’s baby sister, Mabel, had swooped in once the hospital had found Ernie outside, they contacted her, she went to get him and raised him as her own. 

Ernie was raised in Harlem with his Uncle Bobby and his two cousins, Titus and Alonzo. Since he doesn’t remember a time they were not in his life, he just called them his brothers. They always got into trouble growing up, with Ernie being the ring leader. 

He had no career plans, he only just wanted to have a good time. He just kind of buzzed through life just doing any and everything he found interest in. 

Ernie is a troublemaker. From the fighting throughout grade school, the box of cigarettes or bottle of booze Mabel would find in his room, or the numerous jobs he’d been fired from — he was never one to follow rules. Whatever he wanted to do took precedence, if it made you uncomfortable, then that was a you problem. 

Ralph Middlemas was Ernie’s first love. No, he never told him this, nor did he tell anyone else. They also didn’t actually date. Also, despite the fact that they’ve EXCHANGED BODILY FLUIDS, he tried to act cool and nonchalant around Ralph because he didn’t want to come off too strong. But again, first love! 

When Ernie heard the news that Ralph “died” he fell into a deep depression. Unfortunately for Ernie, it was the 60s and depression hadn’t been invented yet. Thankfully the 70s were just on the horizon and he would seek refuge in COCAINE!! 

In his depressed, coke-induced haze, Ernie sought out answers for what really happened to Ralph. Especially after he noticed strings of mysterious murders that had been happening. Perhaps it was the drugs that gave him foresight, or the burning love he had for Ralph, but he looked all over New York. Going from the morgue he worked at, to hunting down all the people he knew to ask questions that would only lead him to more questions.

Ultimately he ran into Mistress JaCynthia, a landlady who lived in Manhattan. She would tell him everything he wanted to know in regards to Ralph and then some. But in exchange for his life. 

When Ernie was turned, he still had no luck finding Ralph even after leaving New York and taking his search to a National level. In the end, Ernie fell deeper into his depression when he couldn’t find him. He would abruptly stop his search in Missouri where he would decide to settle down … as a heterosexual. 

He married a woman, got a job as a taxidermist, stopped doing coke, and went by the name Cornelius Butterscotch the Third. 

His wife, Polly, had secrets of her own. While Ernie was chasing the past, she was on the run from her past as a Mormon. They became close, so close that he confessed to her that he was a vampire. Instead of being afraid, she wanted in. Per her request, Ernie turned her. For many reasons, Ernie was still doubling down on his heterosexuality, even when the two stopped being intimate just months into their marriage. That was until Bisexual Brandon stepped onto the scene. 

Brandon, their mailman, entered the picture, and though they both began sleeping with him behind each other's backs. The truth came out when Brandon was mauled by a school of hammerhead sharks while on vacation. They noticed both of their reactions were too intense for a guy who was just the mail man and they both realized their slut-atious, backstabbing ways. 

Both thought his death was too far-fetched to be true and they both blamed each other (Ernie believed Polly knew about the affair so she killed Brandon, and vice versa). Tensions built and after numerous fights, they switched from close friends to brutal enemies. So they just... broke up. They never got an official divorce, so legally The Butterscotches are still a thing. Last Ernie checked, his ex-wife ran a Christian Pole Dancing class and is a Speech Pathologist (Which is unfortunate, she should be dead!). For the record Bisexual Brandon was actually killed by hammerhead sharks, it kind of funny that the Ex-Morman Vampire and her Gay Vampire Husband both thought this was completely far-fetched.

After the divorce/breakup, He continued to travel the world, he was hoping to find Ralph hiding out somewhere, but he became more fixated on the world around him. For decades he hopped from place to place letting his insatiable curiosity lead the way. When he heard whispers about hunters at large, he made his way to Lunar Cove. 

ERN-Trivia:

Ernie is a bartender but gets most of his income on Twitch going by the name DumpsterxBaby. He is a rising creator pulling in almost half a million streams weekly. He used to document his travels but these days he talks conspiracy theories. They are never anything he believes, but he likes the rage bait. There is one theory he believes, however. He swears Keanu Reaves and Alexa Demie are fellow vampires, he promises he saw them back in the '70s down at the ice cream shop sharing a banana split. Mind you, this is when he was doing coke. 

He recently went viral for receiving a donation from an anonymous source for $500,000 dollars. He acted surprised on the live but he knew it was coming. After he was turned into a vampire and honed in on his abilities, he sought out his biological mother, Margaret. She and Connor were now married with a son. Ernie began stealing and selling the most valuable items in the FIVE houses she and Connor owned. By the time Ernie was married, he racked up almost a million dollars. 

Going back and forth to the Jessup Household(s) became annoying. Instead, Ernie would compel Connor to begin walking nonstop, specifically walking through all fifty states. He would make it to Maryland before getting hit by an 18-wheeler.

With Connor out of the way, Ernie would target the heir to the corporation (the son), but instead of killing him, he compelled him to give him a bi-annual lump sum of money, every year, until the day he dies. When he does die, he is to give the company to Ernie (BAD IDEA!)

Ernie is terrified of cats. 

Ernie is a troll, he has a lot of free time on his hands. So he is always looking for a way to entertain himself. Usually, that means finding fresh new ways to get on people’s nerves. 

For example, Ernie continues to troll his biological mother. He won't elaborate on this as it would tarnish his fun-loving persona revealing a sinister side that would scare people away. Let's just say Margaret is currently in an insane asylum battling The Night Terrors.

Shortly after his divorce, Ernie made a last-ditch effort to lure in Ralph. He did a short stint as an adult film star, he went by the name Count Cockula. He only did this for about 4 months (he made 2,700 films … no follow-up questions, please).

His followers on Twitch have brought up the resemblance to CC, but Ernie will gaslight them (I don't look like him) or will simply laugh it off. 

He is a strict top (no need to consult with Ralph on this. Just take Ernie’s word.)

Ernie is a flirt. Usually, there is no end goal, nor is any gender safe. He just thinks flirting is fun. Again, he’s a Sagittarius. 

Potential Connections: 

Friends - Ernie is nice, be his fucking friend!

Enemies - Perhaps your character has fallen victim to one of Ernie's games. Or you just don't like his gay ass.

Familiar Face - Ernie has lived many lives, has your chara crossed paths with him once upon a time?

Neighbors- He currently resides in Sunny Harbor so all the SunDawgs(???) feel free to say hi!

+ Any connection is fine, just message for your ideas.

[ernieernieboi]

Text | Ralphie Bear </3

Ernie: (UNSENT) Howdy there, partner! Jest swingin' by to check in after that dern night. Shore glad to hear you're alright. Had a chat with Elif, and reckon she moseyed on over to my place with a boombox and some hootin' tootin' flowers!! Seems like we might need to rustle up a talk, don't ya think? Ernie: Good Afternoon Ralphfonso, just checking in. Hope everything is ok after the other night. Things got kind of crazy. I'm glad ur ok.... Ernie: ... I spoke to Elif and yeah ... Ernie: Is it cool if I stop by? @rxmiddlemasx

[ernieernieboi]

Ernie knew this moment was coming. For years, he's been psyching himself up, playing out different scenarios in his mirror, perfecting the words he would say. The goal? No matter what happens, don't let him know that you care. Ernie would tell himself. Don't let it show that you've been running across the fucking world looking for him. If he's alone, you're gonna act cool. Maybe say "What's Up?" If he is with another boy? That's cool too ... yeah. Introduce yourself as an old friend. Let Ralph know that you've completely moved on from your fling ... and him. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until running into you, Ralph, did I remember you existed at all.

Ernie caught a glance of himself in a nearby mirror that was connected to a nearby dresser. All of the hubris he just knew would carry this conversation was nowhere on his face. Instead, his eyes had widened, and his cheeks became flushed -- Something that rarely happened. When it did it barely showed. Ralph could probably tell though, he's made Ernie flustered more than a few times. Lips trembled as he tried to speak words, nothing would come out though. What was he supposed to say? Every emotion was running through him, the script he had all planned out was wiped from his mind. Part of him wanted to lunge toward him and punch him in his stupid face. The other part of him, the part that was slightly more intense, wanted to kiss him.

But Ernie kept his cool, or at least tried to. He considered turning on his heel and knocking the ottomans, armchairs, and whatever the hell else out his way as he headed for the door. But who was he kidding? "Well, well, well..". Ernie noticed Ralph getting a bit tongue-tied as well. He caught a glimpse of himself again. He was grinning now. Namely at Ralph's new hair. "Nope, not a ghost. Although we shouldn't mention ghosts, it's too close to ghosting and that's a sore spot for me. I'm sure you can understand." He decided he would punch him out later, right now he needed answers. "I think you, and your ugly blonde hair have some explaining to do, Ralphie Bear."

For several decades, Ralphie had lived quite contentedly within the confines of the Green Hornet; the rambling olive-colored RV served him well as both a groovy pad and a total hotrod. But with its walls coated in polaroids of his own travels across America's highways, the vehicle was beginning to set the vampire's nerves on edge, Ralph was realizing. Those chapters were not ones he would soon forget, of course, but a new urge was brewing, a desire to plant real roots in Lunar Cove, to model himself into a proper citizen, one who contributed to town life and who loaned his neighbors cups of sugar and other such shit. It was time to make new memories, to live in the future, not the past, to be the best version of himself that he had never bothered to grow into. And to that end, Ralph had gone shopping for storage boxes, places he could tuck pictures out of sight but not forever. At a voice, he looked up from the shelf he had been examining. "Rio's where the girl from Impan..." he started, flashing a smile, an expression that abruptly shifted into wide-eyed, openmouthed shock. A box fell from his grasp. He froze. An eternity passed in that instant. He did not breath. But, ducking down, breaking the spell. Ralphie scooped it back up, hugging it to his chest as though using it for protection. "I'm...uh, sorry. Sorry, pal. I just...For a second, I thought you were..." That was, of course, impossible, fucking impossible. But Ralph was looking at him. He was seeing him. "Am I seein' a ghost?"

[ernieernieboi]

"Oh .. I um .. I love rain." Ernie stammered. He didn't register what the man had said at first, as he was a bit taken aback by how attractive he was. Daaamn, they make 'em like this in LC? "It calms me down and some might even say it's like, romantic, or cuddle weather or whatever. But I don't know if I want my whole house to be so ... moody." He paused. Thinking about how a Rainy London theme in his place would be dope. Shades of grey on the wall, the muted colors against pops of red sprinkled here and there. At least that's how Ernie remembers London, it's been a while. "Wait. So you've never been to London? Don't waste your time, it's over-rated. Tourists are over there running a muck." Namely the influencers -- whipping out cameras in the middle of a train ride or dancing in the middle of traffic like morons. "Do you travel? Where have you been? Maybe that can give me some inspo."

Narrowing his eyes, Efe held up the shopping list his mother had scribbled out on a piece of looseleaf paper. He could hardly read it, but she was, after all, a doctor and living up to the cliche. And in truth, this whole exercise was one of mutual passive aggression anyway. While he had already found a new roommate, his mother had suggested, as usual, that he move back into his childhood bedroom for a few weeks. His father had disagreed. And Efe he himself really had no intention of ever doing so. To that end, Dr. Umukoro had announced that, fine, she was going to finally turn the room into an office for herself, and Efe found himself now shopping for desk knick-knacks on her behalf until they returned them all and did this all again in a few months. He grimaced but looked up at a voice. "Huh? Oh, I've never been. London maybe? Depends on how much you like rain, man."

[ernieernieboi]

"You know what?" Ernie paused. How did it not click for him? He could just merge the two. "Both is good. I think I was having a hard time choosing between the two because there are things in both cities that remind me of, like, home, or whatever." He said, trying not to sound too cheesy. Ernie swears that both Rio and London are New York on different slants -- whatever that means. Most of his friends never saw the comparison, but to Ernie, The Rio cornerstores would bring him back to his late night bodgea runs. The moody weather of London reminded him of those summer days where the rain came to cool everything off after weeks of heat. Both were fast-paced with so much culture, history, and men. Oh, the stories he could tell. Even after all these passing decades, Harlem has never lost the things he loved.

"I grew up in Harlem, so I think the mood I was subconsciously going for was ... New York. It has all the things you just mentioned, even down to ladies with tassles on their bra too drunk to know the difference between clockwise and counterclockwise." Ernie said. "But I don't know, I've never watched the Simpsons -- Maggie's gives me the creeps -- but I'm assuming the character was drunk." He always felt bad when popular culture is brought up. He knows it's a chance to connect with people, but Ernie stopped paying attention to a lot of TV shows in the 70s. "Thanks for your help dude, you just changed my whole process going forward. If you want, I can help you out -- What was your name again?"

One of the bigger changes that came with becoming a vampire which Julian had yet to master was his strength, and lately that manifested in breaking things. Out of frustration, a kick to his easel ended with two of the legs snapping in half. Whenever he got quietly mad about anything, usually a nearby something — such as an old phone book, or more recently a poor defenseless stool he merely smacked out of anger — found itself split in half. It wasn’t normal for him, Julian was rarely upset, but there were other activities he met enthusiastically that lead to things breaking, such as excitedly clapping his hands on a workbench after receiving good news, amongst other things. And of course there was the poor accident or two, like tripping on himself full speed and going face first into an end table and taking down a nice lamp with it. In the past year he found himself at the local home goods store replacing things fairly often, and now was one such occasion as he looked for a new stool for his kitchen island.

Caught from careful contemplation of a black versus dark brown stained stool, Julian instantly found himself more invested in the question posed by a stranger. “Big ask,” he whistled, “Thing is, London is like such a cool city ya know? It’s got history, and pubs, and yeah it’s rainy but like who doesn’t love a good rainfall? It’s like charming and classic, but Rio is vibrant and there’s such great culture and the food’s probably way more bomb there, plus like Carnival looks cool. Granted I only kinda know of it because of that episode where the Simpsons went to Brazil, and the lady had tassels on her bra and taught which direction was clockwise and counterclockwise, but hey it seemed fun!” He chewed it over before nodding, “I mean Rio, man, gotta go with Rio.” Julian paused, somewhat satisfied with his answer, before saying, “Actually, wait, rewind, can I just choose both? Because like why not both?”