everywordineversaid

[everywordineversaid]

my diluted grief

once all-consuming

a drug i could never quit

has been watered down by time

never fully healed

but no longer bleeding

sluggishly months have passed

the ways you hurt me are distant

the girl you broke no longer exists

i watch her pain from my spot here

far enough away that the knife only grazes

the wound is not fatal

i will never forgive you

but one day i will forget what you meant to me

what you did

maybe we can both find peace in that

[everywordineversaid]

the past often engulfs me

under the waves all i can breathe is what was

all i feel are the memories crawling under my skin

the water that fills my lungs tastes like you

like long nights in my truck

like the salt of choked back tears

but then my head breaks the surface

the waves abate

the water becomes a comfort

it is then that i remember

my past cannot strangle me

you do not consume me

i have known love since you

a bond you will never understand

and i am happy here

without you

[everywordineversaid]

the future is a funny thing

so blurry and distorted

lingering just out of reach

it never caught my eye before

i figured it was never meant for me

then you left

did the future scare you too?

i was never certain of anything

always living in doubt

never truly believing in anything

but i believed in us

i knew deep in my bones

that nothing existed beyond us

i would live and die by our shared jokes

the ugly thoughts only you could understand

i thought my future was out of reach

but if i had to consider it

i never would have imagined being without you

i was certain we would last forever

or however long we had

[everywordineversaid]

who would i be if this ends

i am a strand of thread

perfectly stiched

holding you together

without me you would unravel

and without you i mean nothing

a single strand of thread is insignificant

easily plucked and discarded

maybe i was wrong

maybe you are made of steel

weathering every storm

without noticing that missing piece

as i drift into obscurity you remain intact

i always overestimated my significance

you are perfectly fine

and i am nothing

[everywordineversaid]

some days

when the night’s darkness seeps into my heart

i imagine a place far away from here

deep in the piercing blue skies

a place of vibrant life

colors glisten and glow

eyes flash with youthful glee

not an ounce of bitterness or anger

it’s in this place

deep in my mind

that i can forgive you

forgiveness between us cannot exist

it cannot exist in the breath we shared

it cannot exist on the roads we paved

it cannot exist where you and i once stood

time’s current will wash you away

one day i will forget the sharpness of these cuts

but i will never forgive

because that place

that beautiful, plastic place

it does not exist, it was never real

were we?

[everywordineversaid]

memory

what a strange thing it is

i remember every vivid detail

every word uttered and all that was left unsaid

i remember it like i am still there

like i never left that car

speeding down shadowy backroads

i look over and i still see your profile

the clench of your jaw framed by inky trees

but memory is strange

for i am still on that midnight drive

blaming you for leaving

but you could be a thousand miles away

lying on sand warmed under a shining sun

never thinking of me

no clouds of guilt obscuring your bright sky

it’s thoughts like those that make me doubt

maybe i misremember it all

maybe you are a shining sun

and i brought this icy hell on myself

how do you remember me?

[everywordineversaid]

you were like ivy

stunningly running up my arms

wrapping me in your embrace

people always spoke

of how beautiful we looked together

before you i was a blank canvas

the uninteresting background of a skyline

we became one

you helped me be seen

and i gave you a place to grow

what all those people hid

beneath their surface smiles

was one simple truth

ivy makes ordinary things beautiful

until it destroys them

piece by little piece

ivy chips away at foundations

fracturing its host from within

until there is nothing left but fragments

but at least i was beautiful once

[everywordineversaid]

i watch the lights dance

from this vantage point

perched above it all

i can pretend

the glittering flashes of joy

the cacophony of muffled cheer

for a moment i am better off without you

i can pretend i won

and you lost something meaningful

sitting on this ledge

far above all that dazzles

i cannot help but wonder

what losing me meant to you

were we even a loss

[everywordineversaid]

i never could firmly grasp the wheel

during our midnight drives

framed by looming darkness

my hands always shook

my eyes always wandered

but you never met my gaze

by the end of it all

the darkness became suffocating

the trees lining the road lurched

wrapping their thin branches around my neck

i choked under the weight of our darkness

and you never met my gaze

[everywordineversaid]

you’re like a plague

slowly your memory envelopes me

until you poison every thought

i cannot escape

this prison that we built together

piece by piece

forged in the fire of shared wounds

you haunt my every moment

but i don’t even cross your mind

[everywordineversaid]

liar

my hands are slick with blood

red handprints clawing at your legs

desperate to ground myself

desperate to believe in something

the truth means nothing

when the secrets aren’t shared between

i am nothing more than another loose end

neatly accounted for in your alibi

did it kill you to kill me?

[everywordineversaid]

every bone in my body yearns to break

because it’s your touch that fractures

after a year of wounds

wrongly healed

the pops and cracks and soreness remind me

even the hand that breaks

brings relief in pain

i wonder if you felt any of it