evesaintyves

[evesaintyves]

Skeletons dancing. Etching by R. Stamper after C. Sharp, 1700s

[evesaintyves]

y'all, i've got like 50 asks rotting in my inbox from the last few months, many of which are really cool and thoughtful questions and comments on my work or hp stuff; if you sent me one, thanks and sorry! i absolutely love getting them! just waiting for the mood to strike! i have some half-drafted answers and several fic projects in the works - couple new chapters of the last mission should be out pretty soon if you're into that - but like, look, the canada geese have hatched their eggs and the neighborhood is festooned with crooked chains of goslings. they look like dandelions going to seed, puffs of gray and yellow. they toddle across the street and hold up traffic, and the dumb cars honk, and the indignant goose-parents honk back. i used to see a twitchy little bunny in the grass every morning until one day i saw it lying in the road. our last year in texas was so hard, so violent; your body begins to hoard your feelings like they're a finite resource, and all the small things that deserve your joy and despair become a waste and a burden. you've just got to keep moving. the other day, far away from that place, we stood under a maple tree to watch a squirrel get at a magpie's nest and scatter a confetti of eggshell on the sidewalk; the bird returned and chased the squirrel back down into the bushes, but it was clearly too late. so in her furious grief she launched herself over and over at his hiding place, divebombing, screeching - then she'd stop and look into her nest, again, as if in hope that the awful thing might have been undone. lord, honey, i know. i say awful, but for the squirrel it was just lunch. for the unhatched birds, i don't know, maybe just a change from tight and warm and comfortable darkness to nothing darkness. maybe one quick uncomprehending glimpse of green, sky, squirrel; maybe a kind of suffering i can't imagine. anyway, it's finished, my wondering is worthless to the magpie and the squirrel. and how do you lament the churn of that machine as it, this very moment, works to crank the lupine and daffodil up through the crust of red mud? you could roll in the evening air, satiny as it is with thunderstorm and honeysuckle. love the smell of plant pussy, my wife whispered in my ear yesterday. we were watching the weather work itself up into a strop; an hour later, hailstones tore up all my basil and sage. no shortage of things to grieve, obviously, the task is to put it where it can do some good - we're feeding our neighbors and calling our congresspeople. we're trying to be better to each other and ourselves. it's been a week and the body of the bunny is greening in the mouth of a storm drain. i look at it every day. my heart still begs it not to go, as if it would make any difference. i am lucky to be here, to be so sad for a little stranger. i'm busy with it. i'm sorry. but do you know what i mean?

[evesaintyves]

Tapeçarias

Guilherme Camarinha (1912-1994)

Manufactura de Tapeçarias de Portalegre

Portugal

[evesaintyves]

Piper Bangs (American, 2002) - The Dance (2024)

[evesaintyves]

'Witch of the Four Winds' by Virgil Finlay, 'Fantastic ', Vol, 12, 1963

[evesaintyves]

Illustration by Paul Krafft for the reverend William Schuler Harris’ Capital and Labor (1907), a treatise on the exploitation of workers by capitalism and the potential solutions in socialism. More here: https://publicdomainreview.org/collection/capital-and-labor/

[evesaintyves]

Senara, as a resident serious adult with a good grasp on the UK political and cultural landscape, AND the Harry Potter fandom, may I ask:

What impact does the fandom actually have on policies that impact transgender people?

I want to be the best ally I can be to trans folk, and I have seen discussions advocating that the Harry Potter franchise falling into oblivion is the only real way to de-platform JK Rowling.

I don’t entirely disagree - but I also suspect that the fandom as we know on Tumblr and Discord could be a much less influential bubble than it thinks itself to be, and not the main target audience for new movies, shows, and merchandising.

Is simply not consuming products from the franchise enough, or is engaging in extremely niche discussions on a cloudless micro-blogging platform still fanning the fire of Harry Potter, and giving ammunition to JKR to continue on her rampage of infantilising those who challenge her and targeting trans rights?

I don’t want to be naive or wilfully ignorant about my participation in this culture. But I want to know if blogging about Snupin smut and reading fanfiction on free independent platforms still trickles down to making JKR’s voice louder.

I also sometimes think that Harry Potter achieved the status of undeniable cultural staple, and oblivion is simply not an option - much like Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan. I can force myself to forget and never engage with it again, but is it at all realistic in a global scale?

Is there an erroneous assumption that most of us on tumblr and discord are on team “fuck JKR, read fanfcition and pirate the books”? Or are offline elder millennials buying HP merch and reading the books to their kids carrying the franchise on their backs?

Or none of this matters, because HP is already part of the popular imagination, and it’s the tragedy of our times that big corporations will inevitably milk it forever?

Hope this is not too much of an awkward question, I really appreciate your insights

the way that the fandom impacts trans rights is by earning jkr money.

jkr's public transphobia - her comments on twitter etc. - absolutely contributes to recruiting others to the anti-trans cause, and that shouldn't be downplayed. but being loud and wrong on social media isn't the same as having political or legal authority - jkr doesn't have this, and she doesn't deserve people thinking she does.

how she causes material harm to trans people in the uk [which then hurts all trans people, because other places may choose to follow suit] is because she donates colossal sums of money to legal cases which challenge trans people's rights. it's not just yesterday's judgement from the uk supreme court - in which the plaintiff was an anti-trans group she's on the record as having donated £70,000 to - she does it all the time.

she can donate this money because it's loose change for her. she makes millions every year.

and it doesn't come from mid-tier detective fiction, does it?

so, yes, here is the first truth - if she doesn't earn any money from you, you're not contributing to the overarching way her anti-trans crusade has an impact, and that matters.

but there is also a second truth - that you need to go beyond that.

several things need to be borne in mind:

jkr is one of the most visible - if not the single most visible - transphobes in the world. but she's not the only one.

the tendency to make her the figurehead of a transphobic movement, and to assume that disengaging with harry potter without doing anything else is enough, may be comforting. but it's also wrong.

indeed, a lot of the people who have the greatest power to harm trans rights are nowhere near as visible as jkr - politicians, lawyers, journalists, academics, doctors, and so on. the supreme court did not reach its judgement because of jkr. the assault on trans rights which will unfold from the judgement will not happen because of her.

i'm not saying this to deny jkr's influence or to imply that she's not dangerous. i'm saying it because i think it's important to remember that she has a vested interest in you feeling tiny and hopeless in the face of her money - in you thinking that she's the head of a movement and that movement is winning.

instead, the uk terf movement is fragmented and riddled with internecine beef. plenty of its factions don't actually like jkr - and she doesn't like plenty of them. it can be fought, and it can be fought at the grassroots while she's in her mouldy tower being a bigot on twitter.

it's worth being absolutely clear that yesterday's supreme court ruling was not - in and of itself - new legislation. the uk supreme court does not have the power to make new laws. only parliament can do that.

[and i do think it's important to be precise about this - i've seen lots of people, especially those outside of the uk, posting about "new laws" or stating that the law now bans being trans, or that the law states that trans people don't legally exist, or that the law makes it legal to discriminate against trans people. this is not true - no new law was passed, and the supreme court judgement reaffirms that trans people are protected from discrimination under the equality act. this claim can and should be criticised - see here for an example - but it is nonetheless now on the record as the court's intention.]

the judgement was a "clarification" - which is to say that it was an interpretation - of existing legislation. it - by itself - doesn't compel an institution or organisation to change anything. and it is, therefore, an interpretation which can be pushed back against.

this has already started - there's an excellent summary of objections to the judgement, which also provides a rebuttal to the crowing many terfs are doing about how trans rights are being rolled back by pointing out all the ways in which they will not be surrendered:

sadly, this is behind a paywall. it's summarised here, in an article from the same writer, a practising barrister who is a specialist in employment and discrimination law:

and all of us can do things which enable that pushback to continue, above all, in making clear to our mps that they only have our votes if they - at a bare minimum - continue to defend trans rights.

find their contact details here:

and a template letter here:

if you have an mp who is clear that they support restrictions on trans rights [and you can check their voting record here], then actively oppose them - call for them to be reselected at the next election [sadly a while away...], canvas for an opponent etc.

support institutions which continue to defend trans rights. the supreme court judgement doesn't force places to, for example, ban trans women from entering women's toilets [parliament could pass legislation which does, but that doesn't exist yet, and that's why you need to contact your mp], but plenty will be frightened into doing so. be loud about how you value and will continue to use businesses and services which don't bend to transphobic pressure.

donate to trans charities. lots are circulating, but here are some specifically northern irish options, which tend to otherwise get overlooked:

boost stories about the impact of transphobic legislation. it's crucial that you don't underestimate how little the average person knows about this [and about jkr's role in it in particular] - and this is something which helps anti-trans messaging sound more reasonable. but we can reach them first.

what you do with harry potter as a thing beyond this is always going to be subjective. i've set out more on my personal approach before - here - and, of course, you may do what you want.

but - since you've asked - i think two things are true:

on the one hand, harry potter is a juggernaut. the tumblr subsection of the fandom could disappear tonight and the impact would be minimal - harry potter is probably one of the most mainstream cultural products in the world.

and that's how it makes jkr money - branded merchandise, the theme parks, the studio tour, royalties from streaming, and so on.

fandom doesn't require you to engage with any of these. and i do think it's acceptable to understand a commitment not to give jkr money as a viable and sincerely significant harm-reduction strategy.

however.

on the other hand, the vitality of the fandom plays a role in making harry potter marketable. this is undeniable.

and this is the case for all areas of the fandom - i see a lot of cope ["jkr would hate my queer otp!"], but people can get sucked in through anything. having a non-canon take on things, or writing dead dove, or whatever doesn't prevent that.

but it's especially the case for areas of the fandom which are prominent in pop-culture independently of jkr.

i don't just mean the marauders subfandom here - i think we can all stand to grapple with this implication, and i think there's a tendency from people in less prominent fandom subsections to think that they don't have to, which exists at the other end of a spectrum from the tendency from people in the marauders subfandom to assume that their lax approach to canon absolves them from any connection to jkr.

this is a difficult circle to square because it's something which gives jkr visibility indirectly.

[there's no way, for example, that she's in contact with e.g. artists whose songs go viral in marauders tiktoks, whose youtube comments are then flooded with "can't believe i'm thinking about harry potter's dead dad 😭".]

fanfiction and fanart also lives in this indirect space.

jkr doesn't gain any money from it - and that is important. it's also a medium which may engage with the subject matter of the series critically - through taking issue with how she writes about gender, for example - and this is important as well.

but she doesn't gain nothing from it either.

my personal view is that the only way to remain in fandom is two-fold:

as discussed, make sure you're actually doing something in defence of trans people in your real life... and make sure that your indirect contribution to jkr's nonsense never becomes a direct one.

that is to say, don't spend any money.

and - and this is the important thing - actually mean that.

i think that a very important thing to do if you want to stay in the fandom is to work on building yourself a mental defence against the fear of missing out.

by which i mean... in the circles in which i move, people seem - at the moment - to universally agree that they won't be watching the new television adaptation.

but i find it very striking - and very concerning - that lots of people seem to be taking the view that doing this will be easy, because the tv show won't be any good.

i strongly - strongly - advise you to prepare yourselves for the opposite. expect that the show will be absolutely outstanding. deal with your disappointment in missing out in advance. and do not engage with it, no matter what it tries to tempt you with.

we are about to see an unprecedented level of fan service. every single complaint people made about the film series will be addressed. it's going to make sure that ron is written book-accurately. it's going to give romione or hinny or whatever as it "should have been" in the films. it's going to whip out some really big name casting [cillian murphy has had months to shut down the rumour that he's voldemort... and if it comes to pass, his casting will bring a legion of peaky blinders fans on board. do not be one of them.]. i would bet my house that it's going to make wolfstar canon.

and it's going to do this because it knows that's how people who have committed to not watching it will waver - that, when faced with "i've got the chance to see x done properly" or "god, i love y in everything else they're in", people will go "lol, no ethical consumption under capitalism" and consume anyway.

but there is a more ethical strand of harry potter consumption, and that's consumption which does all it can to limit its impact to only benefitting jkr indirectly, and which takes that task seriously.

[evesaintyves]

Michael Hutter

Germany

[evesaintyves]

yesterday was this fic's birthday (and my dog's). so happy birthday to this fic (2) and my dog (14).

this was my submission to @remuslupinfest 2023

it's just what you do to get by

Lupin/Tonks, 10k, M / cw for sex work, violence, drugs, alcohol

Sometimes they'd lie in at her flat for languid, irresponsible hours, like there wasn't even a war on, coughing on the resinous homegrown she kept in a tea-tin, talking and kissing, searching with their hands, tacky with that sheen of all-day-in-bed sweat. She'd pull the covers over their heads and tell him, in nervous little bursts of words, about tense childhood holidays with her implacable mum. About how none of her friends took her seriously when she told them she was going to get straight Os and be an Auror, and how she'd alienated them with her singleminded focus, all seventh year, on revising and essays and flashcards of potion-recipes and obscure defensive charms. He never saw that kind of tremulous soberness on her outside of her bed. He'd no idea what he'd ever done to earn that kind of access to someone else's inner life. He never really knew what to say, or what to ask: he'd listen, and say mm-hmm, and watch her elastic face, which moved so gorgeously through a thousand expressions when she told a story. She'd say, thanks for listening. I really needed it. You're so good at that. He'd feel like a bastard for saying you're welcome, of course. He was here in her downy bed, touching her smooth skin, smelling the ineffable seaside smell that dwelt behind her ears and in her hairline,  still tingling from the way she'd made him come, watching her berry-pink lips make the pretty shapes of words, hearing all the secret thoughts and happenings she'd hidden inside her, awash in waves of scintillating, wondrous, baffling new feelings, and she was thanking him?

image: l'homme aux deux pains by jean-françois raffaëlli, 1879

[evesaintyves]

'When the Flower burst out' by Ivar Arosenius, 1904.

[evesaintyves]

Chapter 25 to 30

- Ginny leaning against Harry's legs as they both make fun of Ron show both the comfortable physicality of the relationship, and ofc, the way Ginny feeds the joke to Harry's set up shows how in tune they are with each other.

- Hermione telling Harry off for distracting Ginny because she is supposed to be studying for exams: full older sister energy.

- ' the truth is you don't think a girl would have been clever enough' 'how can i have hung around with you for five years and not think girls are clever?' love this exchange between harry and hermione. XD

- The author loves to make Trelawney half right. The lightning struck tower card she keeps pulling is the title of the chapter Dumbledore dies.

- We have seen Hermione step back in face of Harry's anger, but the other suggestion that he is kind of frightening is when Harry angrily asks Trelawney to stay where she was (post hearing who told the prophecy to Voldemort), she looks alarmed.

- 'boiling with anger at Snape, his desire to do something risky had increased ten fold': this is Sirius' godson alright.

- I must say, it says a lot about Harry's newfound control that he wasnt willing to talk about Snape until Dumbledore pushed him. He has to pace the room to keep himself from shouting and knocking over things. This also speaks to the respect Harry has for Dumbledore and their newely repaired relationship post year 5.

- Harry being upset actually upsets Dumbledore enough to consider telling him of Snape's true loyalties. His rational mind wins over, the one that thinks about war - and he just ends the discussion with how he trusts Snape without offering the explanation.

- Harry struggling with the idea that there may be a time he has to leave Dumbledore and save himself - this boy is so traumatised that with adults he likes, he cant trust them to take care of themselves. A combination of abandonment issues and just inability to not do.

- Harry doesnt agree with Dumbledore: so he marshals Ron and Hermione, asks them to check Marauaders Map and rustle up DA coins, gives them Felix Felicis.

- "I'll be fine, I'm with Dumbledore" a parallel to "I'm not worried Harry, I'm with you"

- there is a lovely, haunting atmosphere from the get go, the black rocks and moonlit sea. You can picture it vividly. (especially when Dumbledore and Harry swim inside the cave)

- The speculation of what Tom Riddle did with the kids at the orphanage: dumbledore theorises it is the journey to the cave itself. (I had a pet theory that he used parseltongue around them, since he mentioned that snakes found him on the trip to countryside)

- Like the chamber of secrets which goes underground, under the lake, the set piece of HBP also goes under ground and in water. Voldemort's mother's locket lies in the basin, and that adds to archetypal imagery of this. (The author lays it thick with all word usages like 'penetrating' the cave defenses, 'cleaving' the silken water)

- 'Your blood is worth more than mine' - there is a double meaning here, of Dumbledore's theory of Voldemort resurrecting his living body with Harry's blood, and how it will tie Harry to life while containing the power to redeem Voldemort's soul.

- Harry's genuinely scared of the place: its silence is unnerving, darkness is oppressive and he can sense, like Dumbledore can, the presence of dark magic.

- 'Voldemort would never have expected a sixteen-year-old to reach this place' - this bites him when Regulus reaches this place with a house elf.

- 'he found the idea that there were bodies floating around them and beneath them horrible' Harry secretly freaked out by Voldemort's defenses. His fear is so palpable this chapter and is the only time he cannot think clearly in crisis. (forgetting about using fire against Inferi when Dumbledore told him earlier in chapter. No wonder he could not talk about this episode properly with Ron and Hermione)

- Dumbledore drinking the Drink of Despair is laden with Gethsemane imagery: Dumbledore drinks from the 'cup of judgement' and causes him intensely painful visions. (In his case, of his own sin - his responsibility and guilt in Ariana's death).

- 'Hating himself, repulsed by what he was doing' - this sentence is important because there is a parallel with the expression on Snape's face as he kills Dumbledore. Dumbledore's lost boys indeed.

- 'Don’t hurt them, don’t hurt them, please, please, it’s my fault, hurt me instead …’ - ah this really hits, knowing his backstory in DH.

- More gethsemane imagery: Dumbledore's first words when awoken "water" - "i thirst".

- 'but taller than any': JKR does not care about consistent heights, she only uses heights to show power in the scene/ power dynamic. The emphasis on Dumbledore looking pale but taller than Inferi is a pattern from whenever she draws attention to height.

- ‘I am not worried, Harry,’ said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. ‘I am with you.’ --- Dumbledore transfers the mantle of power to Harry here and this hits :(

- Dumbledore means safety to Harry: the moment Dumbledore shows weakness, shows exhaustion, Harry feels horror and fear. A true child growing up and realising that safety blanket of theirs is gone.

- Madam Rosmerta has silk dressing gown embroidered with dragons. The style on this woman.

- would he be responsible, again, for the death of a friend? - Harry's feelings about Cedric and Sirius bleeding into this sentence.

- Draco disarms Dumbledore and becomes the master of the elder wand.

- Even though Draco disarms Dumbledore, you can tell he feels the weight of the situation where he dilly dallys what he needs to do. Dumbledore immediately clocks it when he smiles, "you're not killer"

- Shoving Montague into a cabinet, an echo of careless cruelty by Fred and George/ indifference by our heroes and how it sparks an idea for Malfoy. (JKR also makes a point of this by Ron lamenting that Malfoy bought Peruvian Instant Darkness powder from them)

- Malfoy who, bizarrely, seemed to draw courage and comfort from Dumbledore’s praise. - this boy definitely needs a father figure. He tried all year to prove himself an adult, and reveals, quite plainly, just how wounded he is from his father's imprisonment.

- Malfoy lurking around and getting ideas from Hermione: the enchanted coins (which is NEWT level magic and said to be impressive, Dramione shippers rejoice) + Filch not recognising potions.

- ‘Someone’s dead,’ said Malfoy and his voice seemed to go up an octave - a parallel from Harry's voice getting high in the cave - to indicate how absolutely terrified he is.

- The moment Dumbledore makes Draco feel safe and comforted with praise, he gets a bit of confidence/bravado even after Dumbledore offers him options. "I got here this far, didnt i? and you’re in my power … I’m the one with the wand … you’re at my mercy'

- The leader of the Order of phoenix reminds him who truly is at power, at all times: 'It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now.' (meta to expand on chapter)

- Malfoy, who has just been about to take Dumbledore's options by lowering his wand, reveals that he didnt know that greyback was going to come and is absolutely terrfied of him. (You can see how much of the beginning of the book, where he threatens Borgin with greyback, was a performance)

- Fenrir greyback is hired for brutality, but is clearly thrown around by Death eaters using their wands, which enrages him.

- ' there was revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face.' - parallel to harry's revulsion and hatred when he was feeding Dumbledore the drink. It affected harry enough that he doesnt talk about it with Ron and hermione - it is the same with Snape in DH. The death of Dumbledore at his hand has a profound effect on him.

- These three set of chapters cannot be rivalled in their intensity. From the eerieness of the cave, to the tower scene and now the climax.

- the entire lead up to Harry running after Snape, pushing people out of the way, having no time to answer Ginny, pushing off Greyback, all of this builds up to the moment Harry meets Snape and SO MUCH is going on in this scene. Harry uses crucio and incarcerous against Snape, but that doesnt affect him. But the moment harry uses his own spells against him - sectumsempra, Snape's face changes into rage, even as he deflects the spell.

- When he tries to use Levicorpus, Snape screams and pushes Harry magically backwards- "No Potter!": Levicorpus specifically has been used against him, as we see in SWM.

- '‘Kill me, then,’ panted Harry, who felt no fear at all, but only rage and contempt. ‘Kill me like you killed him, you coward –’ : There is an interesting ambiguity in this scene, where Harry thinks of himself as wandless and defenceless as Dumbledore, and they were just talking about James and harry knows of Snape's complicity in the prophecy. So 'kill me like you killed him' - is Harry damning him as killer of both Dumbledore and his own father (and by extension, Lily).

- ‘DON’T –’ screamed Snape, and his face was suddenly demented, inhuman, as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog stuck in the burning house behind them, ‘– CALL ME COWARD!’ - Snape's face is referried to as demented/inhuman/animal like in DH when he is mourning Lily in Dumbledore;s office, when he wishes he could be dead.

- Harry labeling his as a coward after Snape does what is possibly an act of self immolation and sacrifice for the cause is also one of the reasons Harry calls him 'bravest man I never knew'. It is a reference to this scene.

- Snape hits harry magically in this scene (similar to how Remus hits Harry magically in Deathly hallows after being called a coward). Also a scene where James Potter is invoked.

- Harry trying to feel if fang is alive :(

-the sequence of hagrid and harry approaching Dumbledore's body is so beautifully written

- Love how sensory aspects are very integral part of Harry-Ginny relationship: where Harry can obey the pressure of Ginny's hand without really thinking about it, he is so numb that he recognises whose hand he was holding by the trace of her scent in the air. There is also a reference to his awareness of her physicality: 'he could feel Ginny move beside him' when she was watching Fleur.

- Ron and Ginny's reactions to Bill - Ginny who is stoically telling Harry what they have to do, clearly she is trying to keep it together but her voice trembles. And Ron just staring at Bill hoping by looking at him he can turn back time.

- The last of Remus' safety blankets from his childhood, the father figure, is gone and Remus loses control. Harry is so attuned to the fact that Remus maintains a performance of control that he looks away in the moment of his vulnerability. Not only is Remus grieving, he allows himself to question Dumbledore's judgement ('and dumbledore believed that?') - something he berated Harry for doing earlier in the book.

- Fawkes' lament. ❤️ In keeping with allegory of the books, Fawkes song offers comfort to Dumbledore's mourners/believers. (Meta for reference)

- Dumbledore's death (and Snape killing him) cracked McGonagall's facade. She is also extremely vulnerable this chapter: expressing grief and confusion and horror.

- Draco buying Instant Darkness Powder from Fred and George lol. And also the Vanishing Cabinets idea from the Montague incident. I love how the plot of this book relies on actions of Fred and George. Complacency is bad, folks.

- Who says Harry isnt smart? He is literally the only one among the Order who posits that you need a Dark Mark to cross the barrier the Death Eaters created towards the Astronomy Tower.

- Molly kissing Bill's bloodied face got me:(

- Ginny doesnt trust Fleur at all, the way she is intently watching Fleur, expecting her to break her brother's heart XD (she is not alone in feeling that - both she and Hermione exchange startled looks when Molly and Fleur hug)

- "I'm good looking enough for both of us" is iconic. I love that Molly offers Fleur her version of an apology for misjudging who she thought she is - the offer of getting goblin made tiara fromn Aunt Muriel.

- also Bill is so cool that even Aunt Muriel likes him.

- So my feelings about the hospital scene is less romantic and more illustrative of dysfunction of Remus and Tonks and the problems that will follow them in Deathly Hallows. It's a band aid rather than a fix - because the scene shows them both ignoring what the other needs. Remus is clearly going through a grief breakdown - his own last protector is dead. Tonks, after a year of being stonewalled by him and dismissed, is desperate enough to barrel through at the time to be taken seriously. ( i am going to rec @evesaintyves work here which i think captures the underlying tension of the scene )

- 'dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think there was little more love in the world' clearly, minerva, you have not heard of the great grindeldore break up.

- Love that Harry is at stage where he is attending staff meeting and giving his inputs lol.

- The chapter ends with Harry's awareness that Fawkes had stopped singing and had left the school. The song adds to the atmosphere of the chapter, since Harry hears it in corridors as well.

- Once Seamus' loyalty is won (to Harry, to Dumbledore), he is in for keeps. Given last year where he disbelieved Harry and Dumbledore on his mother's words, he is now having shouting matches in Great Hall so he can attend Dumbledore's funeral.

- Maxime x Hagrid going strong I see. I really like the fact that Maxime did a mission for Dumbledore (as part of his envoys for giants when she was clearly uncomfortable with her heritage in beginning of GOF) and she attends his funeral and is devastated enough to need Hagrid's comfort. There is a very interesting story here.

- Hour by hour Harry puts off breaking up with Ginny, and hour by hour, she is aware that it is happening (' i knew this would happen') and the implication that she hasn't been sleeping well since whatever happened.

- Fleur finding a silver lining because Bill now likes raw steaks: "British overcook their meat." XD

- "Do you have to rub it in Hermione? How do you think I feel about that now?" XD forever endeared Harry just expresses his irritation now instead of avoiding her. (also Hermione trying to take away some of the self blame Harry had by pointing out the book with teenage Snape's spells is not 'evil' , just someone with nasty sense of humour)

- Harry drawing parallels between Voldemort and Snape, something he will later on include himself in DH. 'The abandoned boys'.

- Pince x Filch, lesssgoo.

- Hagrid as the one who carries Dumbledore and Harry's seemingly dead bodies. The carrier of those moving between worlds.

- 'the last and the greatest of his protectors had died':(

- the imagery of smoke phoenix flying joyfully into the blue as Dumbledore's body is encased within a tomb though:(

- Harry looking away from Ginny earlier in the scene when he cried about Dumbledore, Ginny looking away from him when she admits that she never really gave up on him. The way they both have problems with being vulnerable.

- The way Ginny lets him go the moment he says, "I care.. what if this was your funeral and it was my fault". Ginny lets him go to ease his own guilt and pain.

- Harry repeating "What do you want?" at scrimgeour as he tries and fails to give expressions of sorrow xD

- Invoking the God image of Dumbledore early in series - "he will only be gone from school when none here are loyal to him". Also callback to CoS where Dumbledore says this, which this book mirrors.

- - Both hermione and ginny cottoning on to Harry's feelings: of his focus on destroying Voldemort and how she guessed he won't come back.

- Harry - Ron and Hermione under the beech tree where they had happier times :heart: also the beech tree Marauders sat under in the memory. "We'll be there Harry," Ron and Hermione's declaration here really moves me. Especially Hermione calling back to Philosopher's Stone: "You've said to us once before - that there was time to turn back if we wanted to. We've had time, haven't we?"

- golden day of peace to enjoy with Ron and Hermione T_T

[evesaintyves]

Rest in peace Nymphadora Tonks, you’d have loved early 00s pop punk and dragging Remus to Warped Tour

[evesaintyves]

I jumped for joy when I saw that you had posted new work- I’d been missing your writing. Wrenching and pulsing and damn good.

🥹 what a sweetheart you are. i'm happy to be writing too! i just moved to a new state and it's really beautiful and fun here so i've been occupied with other stuff, but i still have 273627826 wips and jotted-down-ideas that i revisit once in a while and hope to make something of...................,. eventually. thank you so much for this love!

[evesaintyves]

anxiety sweat and the thrift store

I just realized that I am totally unequipped to be answering HC questions lmao “what does lupin smell like?” girl idk??

[evesaintyves]

for @wolfstarmicrofic prompt unrequited (february 10th). 983 words, wolfstar, unrequited prongsfoot, unrequited remus/james. warning for sex stuff. you can also read it on ao3.

The drawing room is the colour of poison. Sirius looks so comfortable, stretched on the camelback sofa with his ankles crossed. He swears this place is only his property but he often moves in it like he is home. It would be needlessly cruel to mention it, and Remus can't assume he's not misreading him. They don't actually know each other very well.

"I've forgotten what I meant to say." Sirius's hand unfurls in the air, dismissing himself. This desultoriness is just as it was in the time before: probably an act, but convincing. The pads of his fingers are knobbed with calluses that look like scars. Remus never asks. But in his mind, Sirius digs a tallymark in a stone wall with nothing but his flesh and the will to make it happen.

"I should apologise for earlier," Remus tries, "it wasn't my intent to embarrass you. I didn't think it productive to continue the argument in front of—er, everyone." He means Albus, who's quietly tasked him with keeping Sirius in line.

"It's so odd," Sirius muses distantly, as if Remus hadn't spoken at all. "I hardly remember the last few weeks of school. Only in pieces. That party with Mary's godawful jam band. The rain. Do you?"

 

 

Whispering drizzle had shushed all the birdsong from the forest. The colourless sky was close enough to touch. Remus's joints were shot through with splinters; hard to tell if it was the weather or the waxing moon. They rarely found themselves alone together, but Sirius had hung back to trudge with him up the slippery lawn from the greenhouses. Remus was happy to be the entourage. Not just safety in numbers, strength in the implicit threat. Sirius got a wide berth which was half-inherited and half-earned.

"Looking forward to going back to James's?"

Sirius's cool eyes locked on him. "Don't be bitter."

"I wasn't."

"He'd take you in if you asked."

Remus wasn't sure that was true. Certainly not for the right reasons. Remus had James's sympathy; Sirius and James shared a lobe of brain.

"Can't leave my mum," Remus shrugged, and left it at that.

Sirius stopped walking.

"He thinks he's getting married," he said.

"You don't agree?"

Sirius didn't answer. Remus followed his gaze to the dead-eyed dormitory windows and the tearstains of rain on stone.

"I like Lily," he volunteered. Honestly meaning well, he'd tell himself later. Later still, after everyone concerned was dead: you can't give away what isn't yours. "She's been good for him, I think."

"Yeah," Sirius said, with a bewilderedness that was foreign on him, "I like her too."

Seventeen years on, in Remus's memory, this moment is superimposed with James and Lily's wedding, and Sirius's stunning, relentless grin.

"Loads of things are going to be different," he started, aware already of his tendency to lecture and despising it, "but James will always—"

Sirius, just for a shocking moment, crouched on the ground. He covered his mouth with his hand, breathing like a sprinter.

 

"It's a bit of a blur," Remus says.

"Well." Sirius pauses long enough that it seems he's forgotten again. "Think I'll check for doxies at the top of the house."

The doxies are long gone. Remus keeps quiet.

For years his mind has replayed that moment with the frequency and secrecy of masturbation: beautiful Sirius cracking like plaster. Brought to his knees. He had chosen Remus for that. Part of the addictive power of knowing him then was seeing him at his worst: sleeping sprawled crosswise on the end of James's bed, mouth lolling open and stained with apple schnapps; laughing so hard he thought he might have pissed himself and stuck a hand between his legs to check. Shouting at Regulus so brutally that drops of spittle exploded through the air between them.

Remus's mind wrote alternate endings, in which he knelt in the grass, in the bloom of petrichor, and said whatever it was Sirius needed. You'll always have me—but that wasn't it, surely. His mind made Sirius come to him, desperate, and part the curtains of his dormitory bed to crawl inside. Sex was only theoretical to Remus then, something real people did, and in his fantasy it was somehow chaste, and somehow his rattletrap body wasn't entirely involved. There was golden light, surreal and holy, annointing the perfect angles of Sirius's shoulders. A kiss that tasted immaculately of after-dinner mint. And Sirius, a wreck of love, helpless in the crook of Remus's neck. Breathing that same shuddery way, for years.

You're a monster, his imagination would eventually start whispering.

Yes, but I'm yours, his captive Sirius would reply.

After a while, Remus follows him upstairs. There's spare room at the end of the hallway, a morgue of broken furniture under sheets. No hurry, so they can pretend they've just happened to find each other. And so that Sirius will wait for him.

It's nothing like how they did it in Remus's head. Now Sirius is missing teeth. For a few months he was better about cleaning them, but since Harry left for school he's backslid and his mouth tastes of Mourvédre tannins and decay. Molly's cooking has filled out his frame but it's not lean Quidditch muscle, it's midlife sag. Sirius doesn't insist either of them get naked, which is a relief. Remus sinks his rheumatic knees into the plush and dusty carpet, undoes his old friend's buttons and zip, and thinks of the smell of that rain. It's so much like the smell of sex: indescribably alive.

"Fucking grass," Mundungus is muttering in the kitchen. "Thought he was a real mate." It takes Remus a disorienting moment to gather that he's talking about someone else.

Sirius is there, shoes on the table, tilting on the back legs of his chair. He tosses the hair from his eyes and chuckles. He doesn't spare Remus a single glance.

 images: gustave caillebotte, the yerres, effect of rain (detail) & max ernst, forêt, (detail)

[evesaintyves]

please please please recommend some good hinny fics I literally cannot find anything 😭😭

Oh my god anon there are so many good fics out there. I don't know what you like so here are just a few and all those writers nearly all have multiple fics that are also so so good so you should have plenty to read.

WIPs:

Already Gone by @takeariskao3 (memory loss) arrive at its destination (full of hope) by dhpanya10 (Regency) In the Flat With the Blue Door by little0bird (Notting Hill AU) Made To Be Broken by StarlingFlight (there is only one bed) Quidditch Is For Losers by @fizzyginfizz (this is on my tbr and I've only read bits but obsessed with this Ginny) Spring Fever by takearisk (omegaverse) Ginny Weasley is a Slut by @four2andnew (Drunk texting AU) Seeking you by Startanewdream (Quidditch AU)

Completed:

heaven knows i've tried by @lanaturnergetup (Quidditch fic) I heart ? by @starlingflight (secret dating) Ginny's Very Serious Investigation by @tedwardremus (humour) like passing notes in secrecy by @nuatthebeach (mutual pining) Fallin' All In You by StarlingFlight (HBP) An Appropriate Gift for a Wizard by TedwardRemus (Post-DH) before the moment's gone by @gmwpluvr (HBP) The Big Bad Betrayal by @startanewdream (HBP) loml by @corneliaavenue-ao3 (text fic) confessions should be better planned by takearisk (text fic) Bewitched by StarlingFlight (Halloween AU) JSYK ILY by @brightlybound (text fic) The Night of the Brown Bananas by @evesaintyves (Coming of age) Trust Him Like a Brother by CorneliaAvenue (Flirting and more)

[evesaintyves]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️

thank you so much, @practicecourts !

i'm only gonna do one, because i was thinking about this fic today and realized it happens to be its birthday.

perimeter walks - rated M, 15k words / 9 short chapters

it's a remadora story set near the end of the last book in the series, when Lupin and Tonks are in hiding and preparing for their baby to be born.

not much happens through much of this story - Tonks and Lupin eat, argue, worry, fuck, and tread lightly around the edges of the little life they're making - but it is still one of my favorites. it's not exactly a happy fic, but i think of it as a sort of best-case scenario for these two characters at the end of their time together: two fundamentally mismatched people, who - isolated, afraid, struggling to communicate, and grieving not only the deaths of their friends and family but the loss of what they thought the world was and their futures would be - nonetheless find joy, and purpose, and a new sense of themselves in the difficult daily work of loving each other.

i hope you enjoy ❤️