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#PBS teaches kindness and inclusion, which are threats to abusive paternalism.

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"what changed?"

"I realized you planned to abuse me for the rest of my life and I decided I can't tolerate one more minute."

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Cis men are trying to deflect and deny their manifest sexual abuse of women by creating the fictional 'trans women offender'.

Don't trust cis rape culture to protect women.

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Current state of being.

when you go from a bad situation into a better one you may collapse exhausted and unsure what to do and full of grief, you may need time to regain the ability to do things as yourself or motivated by anything other than terror, you may need time to process or mourn or fall apart in ways you could not before,

and people may use this as proof that the old situation was better for you, proof that you need to go back, and it is not proof that it was better for you or proof that you need to go back

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5 SiGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE

1. Degradation This is when someone puts you down all the time and /or makes jokes at your expense. This can make us second guess our own feelings and experience.

2. Controlling or Domination or Dominion Do you have to plan your whole day around what they think is okay? Do they control your money or time? Many people will struggle to think on their own if this has been going on for a long time.

3. Accusing of Blaming Is nothing ever their fault? Do they blame any issues they have on everyone else in their life? Are they super sensitive to any personal criticism?

4. Neglect Parents may give their children the silent treatment or stone wall them when they have done something they see as wrong. They may not meet any of our basic needs as a punishment for wrongdoing.

5. Emmeshment or Coyenssgancecodependence this is when Someone sees you as an extension of themselves. they will overstep boundaries and pull into their situation or tell inappropriate things about life. struggle to see any differentiation between themselves another person.

REMEMBER: Emotional abuse is never your fault. In fact, your partner may just be trying to control or manipulate you into staying in the relationship. Some characteristics:

Using economic power to control you

Threatening to leave

Making you afraid by using looks, gestures or actions

Smashing things

Controlling you through minimizing, denying and blaming

Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously

Continually criticizing you, calling you names, shouting at you

Emotionally degrading you in private, but acting charming in public

Humiliating you in private or public

Withholding approval, appreciation or affection as punishment

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My favorite is I have already made that decision

While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured I’d post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.

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I was just looking up jobs and worried I couldn't do any of them.

Complex trauma from abuse can cause chronic exhaustion, and chronic pain. This means the recovery, aside from being filled with guilt, shame and rage, will include long time spent in bed, feeling to exhausted and pained to move, or do anything.

This is happening because trauma is hard on the human body, and your body will spend all energy just trying to fight it, or repress it, or process it. The emotional pain of trauma being processed is enough to cause physical pain, chest pain, pain in all of your joints, headaches; your body will be so tense you can end up in chronic back pain and muscle pain just from all the tension and inability to relax. Your mind will be re-living the past and your body will react accordingly, getting terrified, shocked, tense, and finally showing all the damage you couldn’t feel when the abuse was happening. Even if you felt nothing while it was happening, there was no way to avoid this, your body can’t keep the trauma hidden inside of you forever.

One thing common for recovering victims is to feel intense shame for resting, for spending so much time in bed, feeling sick and worried about their future because they can’t get it together enough, or can’t get their tasks done due to pain and detachment from reality. You’ve all experienced being shamed for resting, being blamed for your own pain, and told you have no value if you’re not productive and hardworking. However, none of this applies to you right now. You need to rest. This rest is for survival. This is comparable to recovery from life-threatening injury, you cannot be expected to function or shamed for being lazy if your body is broken and barely hanging onto life. You are surviving, and you need rehabilitation and care, not feelings of inadequacy or shame for still daring to be alive.

It’s alright for you to exist just to rest only. In rare moments you do manage to get up, it’s okay to just do soothing non-productive stuff. There is no limit to how much care you need right now and you are obliged to give that to yourself. If the chronic exhaustion is caused by trauma, it will get better, not fast, not all at once, but slowly, during months and years, your body will let enough trauma out to allow you to use some of your energy for yourself. It’s vital you rest and let the trauma do its thing, and then eventually you will get your body back.

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You don’t need to prove it

was

serious enough.

If it made you feel unsafe, disrespected, or humiliated

that’s serious...that’s enough.

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Good news that we deserve 😌

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parents be like you can’t imagine how hard it is for us to deal with your mental illness

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Strange, but not having people grind you down all the time to get your compliance makes one much stronger.

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There's something so motherly and split about being in a terror loop oneself and also drawing softly on your child's face, rocking and soothing and singing.

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communication without mutual effort towards healing can perpetuate the cycle of harm.

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tired of posts that are like "why should i go to therapy when the reason i'm upset is because of SOCIETY" and it's like

yeah. have you ever heard of a locus of control. you don't have control over Society but you do have control over your reaction to it

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What my estranged family is offering:

Lies, gossip, contempt, hatred, punishment, judgement.

What they are asking:

"why don't you love your family?"

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I don't know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it "system maintenance" and see if that clicks.