facts-i-just-made-up

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I can’t wait to let people know that Sil K’song has been released from prison…

FANTASTIC NEWS: George R.R. Martin finishes the "Winds of Winter!"

FIJMU News 6-24-25 by Wyatt Walker

Great news for the literary world today as George R.R. Martin announced that he had finished listening to Chopin's "Winds of Winter Etude." Normally paced to be played over about three and a half minutes, the etude is a popular work for advanced piano mastery and is noted for the skill, endurance and focus required to play it.

Martin first began listening to it on YouTube in 2019, but stopped to make some scrambled eggs and left it in an open Chrome tab for the last 6 years, paused at 3 minutes just before the fortissimo coda began. But today, Martin found the tab and completed his appreciation of the classic piano piece. According to Martin, "It's sad really the eggs could've used a bit more salt. Neat tune though."

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FANTASTIC NEWS: George R.R. Martin finishes the "Winds of Winter!"

FIJMU News 6-24-25 by Wyatt Walker

Great news for the literary world today as George R.R. Martin announced that he had finished listening to Chopin's "Winds of Winter Etude." Normally paced to be played over about three and a half minutes, the etude is a popular work for advanced piano mastery and is noted for the skill, endurance and focus required to play it.

Martin first began listening to it on YouTube in 2019, but stopped to make some scrambled eggs and left it in an open Chrome tab for the last 6 years, paused at 3 minutes just before the fortissimo coda began. But today, Martin found the tab and completed his appreciation of the classic piano piece. According to Martin, "It's sad really the eggs could've used a bit more salt. Neat tune though."

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Encyclopedia Bullshitica: over 800 facts i just made up in book form!

Please check it out, or request it at your local library so you can literally check it out!

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The shoe horn was used as an actual orchestral instrument for centuries.

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hey bud, how does one find meaning in life?

Basically, you add it all up then divide that by how many there were. So if you add up all the lives ever lived (about 80 billion according to Maurice Johnson's Big Book Of Everyone Who Ever Lived) and use that to divide by the value of all those lives (about 3.36 trillion mega-purposes according to Laura C. Pamplemousse's Encyclopedia of Meaning) then you should be able to figure out the meaning of life.

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I want to be a hoe, but like….a wholesome hoe everyone likes. Any tips?

I couldn't make enough puns on my own to justify a post but this wiki picture just outdoes even the best I could manage:

You go, old Dutch hoe.

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Fun Fact!

The so called “Bottomless Pit” isn’t really bottomless, it just wears a flesh tone bikini bottom that gives the illusion of being bottomless.

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According to the landing party of the Mayflower as recorded in the December 1620 seafaring logs approved and initialed by Master Christopher Jones Jr., “it is too.”

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It's a shirt now-

Note that the green seems to be a bit darker on the final printed shirt.

Cocaine Slug (poster, 2025, unreleased)

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If you are what you eat then are we all cannibals?

Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

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Switch 2 Health Issues:

6-21-25 by Mitch Roydpraim IV

Many remember the early issues plaguing the first Switch console from Nintendo, it looks like the new Switch 2 may have problems of its own.

"It looks like the glue used in construction of some Switch 2 consoles may have been contaminated, and may cause the casing screws to scritch up easily if the console is held for a long period of time. This glue defect includes all of the limited edition white, pink, and blue consoles. Thus anyone with a white, pink, or blue Switch 2 whose glue scritched through should ditch their Switch 2 to the Switch 2 glue Snitch program offered by Nintendu, I mean Nintendo."

Still, many customers are hanging onto their Switches. According to a spokesman for Florence Pugh, who in addition to acting is an activist for game console quality, "Pugh's new blue Switch 2's glue scritched through two screws, which few Switch 2 hues do."

Asked what she planned to do, Pugh explained, "I'll sue."

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Who invented autism?

The famous Italian inventor, Leoneuro di Vergent.