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[fatghostboi]

My Ana/Mia grew into BED and now I’m struggling with how high my weight is and want to get down for a wedding next year, but I can’t stop binging every now and then. The urges get so damn strong

ANY TIPS?? Please I am begging. How do I stop binging?? I’ve been eating high protein and everything. I haven’t restricted too low yet until the binging stops etc.

[fatghostboi]

Mason Jar Instant Noodle Soup - 229 kcal/8g protein

Servings: 1 serving. 229 kcal / 8g protein

Ingredients

1 1/2 tsp. vegetable bouillon base (we used Better Than Bouillon)

1/4 tsp. grated fresh ginger

1 tbsp. warm water

1 bundle (about 11/2 ounces) instant rice vermicelli

1/4 c. kimchi, roughly chopped

1/4 c. shelled edamame, thawed if frozen

1 c. baby spinach

2 cremini mushrooms, very thinly sliced

1 scallion, thinly sliced

2 1/2 c. boiling water

Instructions

In 32-ounce wide-mouth mason jar or other heatproof jar, combine bouillon base and ginger. Stir in warm water. Add noodles and carefully cut in half with kitchen shears. Add to jar in following order: kimchi, edamame, spinach, mushrooms, and scallion; screw on lid. Refrigerate overnight if desired.

If refrigerated, let jar sit 20 minutes at room temperature. When ready to serve, pour boiling water over ingredients and cover with lid. Let sit until noodles are tender, 3 to 4 minutes, then stir to combine.

Pump Up the Protein: Add 1/2 cup shredded rotisserie chicken and replace the vegetable bouillon base with chicken bouillon base, or pop in 6 to 8 frozen cooked small shrimp (they’ll thaw overnight in the refrigerator).

[fatghostboi]

I have a friend. My best friend.

They struggle with the same things as me yet always worse. They went through more than me in my eyes.

That I struggle with.

Whenever they send me a message saying they’re struggling with a symptom I feel this dread yet I can be comforting.

This guilt seeps into me. This constant feeling on invalid.

This isn’t even their fault, they’re always reassuring me. They’re a really fucking good friend.

I can’t feel like this. Maybe I was never the victim in anything. Maybe I was the villain.

Does anyone understand this?

Am I bad for feeling this?

I never hurt them with it.

I never guilt them with it.

I keep it locked up just for me.

I want to stop feeling this way so badly.

[fatghostboi]

Started on the 22nd October properly, fucked up a few times but yeahhh

I started at: 156lbs

Currently the 14th October: 153

Not a lot lost but it’s got me back to being motivated to lose weight and not just giving into binges which is nice.

Started the gym too, yesterday did like 6 different machines each 15 reps 3x on just arms (learning the machines hence only arms that day)

My house mate wants me to eat more because we are doing gym stuff so I’m getting my way around it by making it look like I eat more (veg etc.) and a protein bar that is 10g of protein but only 99cals.

I will do this. Eventually if I can except in gym days I wanna go down to OMAD but we shall see, gets a bit complicated when you’re disabled too

[fatghostboi]

Essays

Here’s a (non-exhaustive) list of essays I like/find interesting/are food for thought; I’ve tried to sort them as much as possible. The starred (*) ones are those I especially love

also quick note: some of these links, especially the ones that are from books/anthologies redirect you to libgen or scihub, and if that doesn’t work for you, do message me; I’d be happy to send them across!

Literature + Writing

Godot Comes to Sarajevo - Susan Sontag

The Strangeness of Grief - V. S. Naipaul*

Memories of V. S. Naipaul - Paul Theroux*

A Rainy Day with Ruskin Bond - Mayank Austen Soofi

How Albert Camus Faced History - Adam Gopnik

Listen, Bro - Jo Livingstone

Rachel Cusk Gut-Renovates the Novel - Judith Thurman

Lost in Translation: What the First Line of “The Stranger” Should Be - Ryan Bloom

The Duke in His Domain - Truman Capote*

The Cult of Donna Tartt: Themes and Strategies in The Secret History - Ana Rita Catalão Guedes

Never Do That to a Book - Anne Fadiman*

Affecting Anger: Ideologies of Community Mobilisation in Early Hindi Novel - Rohan Chauhan*

Why I Write - George Orwell*

Rimbaud and Patti Smith: Style as Social Deviance - Carrie Jaurès Noland*

Art + Photography (+ Aesthetics)

Looking at War - Susan Sontag*

Love, sex, art, and death - Nan Goldin, David Wojnarowicz

Lyons, Szarkowski, and the Perception of Photography - Anne Wilkes Tucker

The Feminist Critique of Art History - Thalia Gouma-Peterson, Patricia Mathews

In Plato’s Cave - Susan Sontag*

On reproduction of art (Chapter 1, Ways of Seeing) - John Berger*

On nudity and women in art (Chapter 3, Ways of Seeing) - John Berger*

Kalighat Paintings  - Sharmishtha Chaudhuri

Daydreams and Fragments: On How We Retrieve Images From the Past -  Maël Renouard

Arthur Rimbaud: the Aesthetics of Intoxication - Enid Rhodes Peschel

Cities

Tragic Fable of Mumbai Mills - Gyan Prakash

Whose Bandra is it? - Dustin Silgardo*

Timur’s Registan: noblest public square in the world? - Srinath Perur

The first Starbucks coffee shop, Seattle - Colin Marshall*

Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, Mumbai’s iconic railway station - Srinath Perur

From London to Mumbai and Back Again: Gentrification and Public Policy in Comparative Perspective -  Andrew Harris

The Limits of “White Town” in Colonial Calcutta - Swati Chattopadhyay

The Metropolis and Mental Life - Georg Simmel

Colonial Policy and the Culture of Immigration: Citing the Social History of Varanasi - Vinod Kumar, Shiv Narayan

A Caribbean Creole Capital: Kingston, Jamaica - Coln G. Clarke (from Colonial Cities by Robert Ross, Gerard J. Telkamp

The Colonial City and the Post-Colonial World - G. A. de Bruijne

The Nowhere City - Amos Elon*

The Vertical Flâneur: Narratorial Tradecraft in the Colonial Metropolis - Paul K. Saint-Amour

Philosophy

The trolley problem problem - James Wilson

A Brief History of Death - Nir Baram

Justice as Fairness: Political not Metaphysical - John Rawls*

Should Marxists be Interested in Exploitation? - John E. Roemer

The Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief - Scott Berinato*

The Pandemic and the Crisis of Faith - Makarand Paranjape

If God Is Dead, Your Time is Everything - James Wood

Giving Up on God - Ronald Inglehart

The Limits of Consensual Decision - Douglas Rae*

The Science of “Muddling Through” - Charles Lindblom*

History

The Gruesome History of Eating Corpses as Medicine - Maria Dolan

The History of Loneliness - Jill Lepore*

From Tuskegee to Togo: the Problem of Freedom in the Empire of Cotton - Sven Beckert*

Time, Work-Discipline, and Industrial Capitalism - E. P. Thompson*

All By Myself - Martha Bailey*

The Geographical Pivot of History - H. J. Mackinder

The sea/ocean

Rim of Life - Manu Pillai

Exploring the Indian Ocean as a rich archive of history – above and below the water line - Isabel Hofmeyr, Charne Lavery

‘Piracy’, connectivity and seaborne power in the Middle Ages - Nikolas Jaspert (from The Sea in History)*

The Vikings and their age - Nils Blomkvist (from The Sea in History)*

Mercantile Networks, Port Cities, and “Pirate” States - Roxani Eleni Margariti

Phantom Peril in the Arctic - Robert David English, Morgan Grant Gardner*

Assorted ones on India

A departure from history: Kashmiri Pandits, 1990-2001 - Alexander Evans *

Writing Post-Orientalist Histories of the Third World - Gyan Prakash

Empire: How Colonial India Made Modern Britain - Aditya Mukherjee

Feminism and Nationalism in India, 1917-1947 - Aparna Basu

The Epic Riddle of Dating Ramayana, Mahabharata - Sunaina Kumar*

Caste and Politics: Identity Over System - Dipankar Gupta

Our worldview is Delhi based*

Sports (you’ll have to excuse the fact that it’s only cricket but what can i say, i’m indian)

‘Massa Day Done:’ Cricket as a Catalyst for West Indian Independence: 1950-1962 - John Newman*

Playing for power? rugby, Afrikaner nationalism and masculinity in South Africa, c.1900–70 - Albert Grundlingh

When Cricket Was a Symbol, Not Just a Sport - Baz Dreisinger

Cricket, caste, community, colonialism: the politics of a great game - Ramachandra Guha*

Cricket and Politics in Colonial India - Ramchandra Guha

MS Dhoni: A quiet radical who did it his way*

Music

Brega: Music and Conflict in Urban Brazil - Samuel M. Araújo

Color, Music and Conflict: A Study of Aggression in Trinidad with Reference to the Role of Traditional Music - J. D. Elder

The 1975 - ‘Notes On a Conditional Form’ review - Dan Stubbs*

Life Without Live - Rob Sheffield*

How Britney Spears Changed Pop - Rob Sheffield

Concert for Bangladesh

From “Help!” to “Helping out a Friend”: Imagining South Asia through the Beatles and the Concert for Bangladesh - Samantha Christiansen 

Gender

Clothing Behaviour as Non-verbal Resistance - Diana Crane

The Normalisation of Queer Theory - David M. Halperin

Menstruation and the Holocaust - Jo-Ann Owusu*

Women’s Suffrage the Democratic Peace - Allan Dafoe

Pink and Blue: Coloring Inside the Lines of Gender - Catherine Zuckerman*

Women’s health concerns are dismissed more, studied less - Zoanne Clack

Food

How Food-Obsessed Millennials Shape the Future of Food - Rachel A. Becker (as a non-food obsessed somewhat-millennial, this was interesting)

Colonialism’s effect on how and what we eat - Coral Lee

Tracing Europe’s influence on India’s culinary heritage - Ruth Dsouza Prabhu

Chicken Kiev: the world’s most contested ready-meal*

From Russia with mayo: the story of a Soviet super-salad*

The Politics of Pancakes - Taylor Aucoin*

How Doughnuts Fuelled the American Dream*

Pav from the Nau

A Short History of the Vada Pav - Saira Menezes

Fantasy (mostly just harry potter and lord of the rings)

Purebloods and Mudbloods: Race, Species, and Power (from The Politics of Harry Potter)

Azkaban: Discipline, Punishment, and Human Rights (from The Politics of Harry Potter)*

Good and Evil in J. R. R. Tolkien’s Lengendarium - Jyrki Korpua

The Fairy Story: J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis - Colin Duriez (from Tree of Tales)*

Tolkien’s Augustinian Understanding of Good and Evil: Why The Lord of the Rings Is Not Manichean - Ralph Wood (from Tree of Tales)*

Travel

The Hidden Cost of Wildlife Tourism

Chronicles of a Writer’s 1950s Road Trip Across France - Kathleen Phelan

On the Early Women Pioneers of Trail Hiking - Gwenyth Loose

On the Mythologies of the Himalaya Mountains - Ed Douglas*

More random assorted ones

The cosmos from the wheelchair (The Economist obituaries)*

In El Salvador - Joan Didion

Scientists are unravelling the mystery of pain - Yudhijit Banerjee

Notes on Nationalism - George Orwell

Politics and the English Language - George Orwell*

What Do the Humanities Do in a Crisis? - Agnes Callard*

The Politics of Joker - Kyle Smith

Sushant Singh Rajput: The outsider - Uday Bhatia*

Credibility and Mystery - John Berger

happy reading :)

[fatghostboi]

Back at uni, back at it again

Sw: 156.6

Cw: 155.2

Gw for autumn/winter: 135

Trying to cut down and eventually get back to 800 cals a day

Rn it’s more like 1200-1300 but I’ll get down eventually

Any meal ideas or tips would be appreciated

[fatghostboi]

I’m back on my bullshit

But I hate it here, normally before I could eat as long as it was in my calories and feel fine, like sure sometimes I had bursts of guilt but mostly because I knew I was in my calorie range I was alright.

Now I eat lunch because ya know chronic illness let’s not die, and suddenly I have such a big wave of depression that lasts all afternoon. I don’t get anything done after I’ve ate because I’m too depressed, my motivation falls and I just go and hide in bed.

I hate this I hate how shit eating is making me feel.

[fatghostboi]

i rly never thought i would ever post myself here but im rly proud of my progress and have no one to show but you guys soo :3

also i just realised these are exactly a month apart!!!

April 17th May 17th

also ignore my messy room lol

[fatghostboi]

I can’t stop purging I fucking hate it here

I want this to stop

It’s been 4 days idk why this is happening

[fatghostboi]

Does anyone have any easy ana food??

I’m chronically I’ll and usually eat bulky foods (lots of veg) to keep full but yeah sometimes cooking is too much for me mentally and physically

Does anyone have easy meals that doesn’t involve a shit ton of prep generally takes 100-500 cals (or more if I have it as an only meal of the day, don’t @ me I’m currently trying to get out of a binge phase)

[fatghostboi]

I have really fucked up with gaining weight

I’m going to start a diet next Monday, I will start at 1000 for a week so I don’t binge

Then the Monday after I’ll start the ait diet

And stick with it.

I am not starting just yet although I will be conscious on my food intake as it is my birthday this week and I will be consuming alcohol and a bbq on my actual birthday. There’s also cake.

I know people say don’t give in and I probably will because I’ve been in a binge restrict cycle for a while but Imma challenge myself from next week onwards,

Does anyone wanna keep me on track???

[fatghostboi]

Okay so when I’m first restricting again after a binge my main issue is feeling hungry, I panic and feel like I have to eat.

So I binge again.

Then once I’ve got down cutting down more and more calories I stop caring about feeling hungry.

I hate it here, I want to be under 150 so bad like what.

I also found out today someone I know has gone to treatment for their Ed and instead of being happy I’m jealous. I want to be as small as them but I’m a fuck up.

I don’t think I have anorexia anyway I think it would be ednos or some shit, but I’ve never been underweight.

I grew up obese and now I’m overweight again after being average weight for a few years and I hate it.

I need to get down in weight.

Uni has made it easier yet I keep slipping up. Also I’m so scared for next year as I’ll live with people. Imma restrict as I normally do and if they question me I’ll brush them off

They don’t scare me they’re not my mum I guess so…

[fatghostboi]

Binged yesterday pretty badly, I need to get on track. Gunna restart the AIT diet.

Fml

[fatghostboi]

I feel like shit.

I binged for a while, restricted more recently but not enough and now I need to be strict but I keep drinking again and yeah calories in drinks lol fml.

I’ve also got obsessed with French food (idk autistic me gets obsessed with certain foods) so like how can I do that and lose weight in a restrictive manner? I’ve stopped trying to be strict on veggie and vegan stuff because at the end of the day it’s probably better that I’m eating something even if it’s not vegan idk

I just need to get back on track for my birthday Imma try again tomorrow and like

Actually try this time.

Even if it’s low cal bread and honey sure it’s not healthy but it’s giving into cravings in a lower cal way idk

Anyone wanna motivate me to lose weight for my birthday and a wedding??? Someone pls message and yeah

[fatghostboi]

I’ve been really failing atm, I had a breakup and I’ve ended up eating/binding frequently for about 3+ weeks.

I’m home rn so restricting is hard too, I might have to go home and strictly restrict cause omfg I feel huge Its so stupid

[fatghostboi]

I ended up gaining from binging again lmao fml

Hopefully it will be okay??

I’m going back home next week I really hope I don’t gain a shit tonne while I’m there too idk

[fatghostboi]

When your partner keeps cheering on your weight loss but he doesn’t know you’re starving yourself lmao