#invalidation

[traumasurvivors]

Examples of invalidation through emotional abuse

When people order you to feel differently

“You need to get over it.”

Telling you how you should feel

“You really shouldn’t let this bother you” “You should feel thankful that…”

When people minimize your feelings

“It’s not that bad.” “You’re being over dramatic”.

Attempting to use “logic” to invalidate you

“Let’s stick with the facts” “There’s no reason to be upset…”

Passing judgement and putting labels on you

“You’re too sensitive.”

Making it your problem/isolating you

“No one else feels this way” “It’s not bothering anyone but you”

Trying to make you feel guilty

“I was only trying to help you…” “You’re bringing everyone else down with your feelings”

None of these things are okay. And while the person saying/doing these things may not intend to be emotionally abusive, that doesn’t change the effects these words have.

(I do want to say that the “using logic” may be okay depending on your relationship. My best friend and I both have BPD, and we often go to each other for a “reality check” to help us figure out if our feelings fit the facts. But the way we word it matters too. And when I do it for her or myself, it isn’t to invalidate but to help sort through the feelings.)

Your feelings are valid. Even if they don’t “make sense”. You deserve the space to feel them. While you should be mindful of how you handle them, you aren’t wrong for having them.

And also… please try not to be one of the people saying these things to you. You don’t deserve to hear them from yourself either.

[bifflesnitch]

The late diagnosed neurodivergent experience of being told you're wrong your entire fucking life.

You're too sensitive,

it's not too loud,

it's not too bright,

it's not overwhelming,

you're just overreacting,

it doesn't smell weird,

the texture is fine,

just eat it,

just wear it,

plans change get over it,

stop being so dramatic,

why are you so argumentative?

I was obviously joking,

why do you take everything so seriously?

I'm not yelling,

It's not a big deal,

stop nitpicking,

stop jiggling/rocking,

stop fidgeting,

stop humming/whistling/clicking,

stop talking about that,

no one cares,

you're annoying people,

you're so high strung,

just relax,

stop worrying,

stop overthinking,

just be normal

and then people act all surprised that you grow up to be an insecure, indecisive wreck. What else did you expect me to be when you spent my whole life teaching me my own perception was faulty and couldn't be trusted?

Grooming me to seek approval and validation from others for every decision I made because whenever I made them myself, they were always wrong.

[letthemmm]

Are you accidentally emotionally invalidating people you care about? (If purposefully you’re t r a s h)

Are you being invalidated??

Protect yourself/grow into the best version of you by understanding this shit, people.

Stop hurting each other

[unwelcome-ozian]

[xvelvetcoffinx]

[thatmultifandomchick]

Sometimes I forget that people don’t think of me as feminine, or even as a girl.

My mom and sister were going out for girls night, and when I asked why I wasn’t invited, they said I wasn’t a girl. Even though I refer to myself as such, even though I use She/Her, even though I’m AFAB.

“But I thought you went by They/Them?” I do. We’ve had this conversation before. I am a girl. I am also genderqueer. I use She/Her. I also use They/Them and sometimes He/Him. I am still a girl.

Sometimes, it’s less invalidating of my gender identity and more based on careless assumptions.

I got on a Zoom call with my therapist. She saw that my room was pink and thought my parents had picked out the color, because never in a million years would I have done that. “No,” I said, “Pink is my favorite color.”

“But you never wear pink?” What do you expect me to do, find exact replicas of of the ten items that I can both wear comfortably and that have emotional significance, but in pink? Beggars can’t be choosers when you have sensory issues and strong hyperfixation tendencies. I still like pink.

“But you like X Y Z so I assumed you wouldn’t like girly stuff?” Yes, I'm super into Tim Burton and Goosebumps and Tusk and Spider-Man, but I also love Disney and Barbie and Ever After High and My Little Pony. I typically dress like I do stage crew but I own a strawberry dress that I like to wear on special occasions. I like flower arranging and doll making and stuffed animals.

Why is it that embracing the genderqueer and masculine parts of my identity means giving up my femininity and my identity as a girl?

[oxytose]

“im autistic but im not diagnosed” aaandd thats your queue to shut up!

like yeah i get it you wanna talk about your suspicions but even if you have every symptom and relate to like every autistic person you might not even be autistic, its 100% possible

i usually see weird 13 year olds say shit like this

usually its just factitious disorder and they’re in a delusion where they think they have symptoms but they’re js overexaggerating n shit

like if u havent gotten a full on diagnosis where they keep u as a prisoner and analyze ur behaviour for like a month /hj; then gtfo

genuinely invalidating and straight up misinformative for others w similar experiences

like its not that hard to just stop labeling yourself with someone you dont actually have

if ur a minor who's suspicious that u might be neurodivergent go talk to child services abt ur suspicions and just mention school difficulties cuz then they’ll listen

or ask ur parents for help

[aroaceconfessions]

Just had an old friend who i thought understood me hit me with the question "are you sure you're really aroace and not just autistic?" :)))

Submitted May 28, 2023

[borderlinereminders]

My friend keeps making fun of a typo I made and I know they’re just teasing me but I’ve asked them to stop and they won’t. They said I’m just being sensitive and embarrassing

That’s not okay, anon.

I actually have a friend who routinely makes fun of my typos but the thing is that she’d never do it if it actually upset me. In fact, on days I’ve been upset, I’ve noticed she lets my typos slide because she’s worried I’ll feel upset by something that normally wouldn’t bother me.

It’s okay to be upset by things. There doesn’t need to be a big reason. Sometimes they’re just upsetting.

I think it’s absolutely awful when people try and make it your fault for being upset with “you’re being sensitive”. You’re allowed to be upset. And someone being a good friend to you should respond to you being upset with something like “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you but I’m sorry I did. I won’t do that again. Thank you for trusting me to tell me this.”

It’s up to you, but I wouldn’t continue being friends with someone that disregarded my feelings. Especially about something they were actively doing that was upsetting me.

At the very least, I think you need a serious heart to heart with your friend.

[coulsonlives]

"It's just a headache"

The funniest part about all this? My migraines don't even cause a headache

[psychotic-system-culture-is]

Psychotic System Culture is...

Seeing a post about negative symptoms of psychosis and having a few too many things make more sense

((Also, fuck our psychiatrist for saying we weren't experiencing "actual" psychosis. We have positive and negative symptoms, increasingly frequent and worsening episodes, and it's not us mistaking anxiety/ptsd/cdd symptoms. Like, sorry we can double book-keep, didn't realize there was only one way to have psychosis /sarcasm.))

[nessieac]

some people are fundamentally different from me. i won't debate it any more

i've vomited enough, my friends. in my strictly nonexistent heart

[unwelcome-ozian]

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

[md3artjournal]

The next time someone tries to tell me that I don't actually have mental problems because I can occasionally do things, while I'm at home, I'm going to remember that John Green was able to make pottery during his nervous breakdown. Being able to do things while being mentally unwell doesn't invalidate my emotions, Cleo.

[aroaceconfessions]

ngl i hate the way some aces treat aroallos. not all aces of course, but some. degrading and criticizing us for wanting sex, telling us sexual attraction doesn’t exist, pushing us out of aspec spaces, etc. we need to stick together and support each other so please stop siding with aphobes. it harms all of us.

Submitted July 10, 2023