faxine - Tumblr blog

[faxine]

fuck yrying to be a perfect victim bcs ppl will still pic apart your life to find thjgs u did wrong so they cna take the abusers side. no fucking point to anything so Fuck it

[faxine]

me at myself: noooo haha dont turn into our dad during moments of high stress you're so sexyyy haha

[faxine]

i really wish i could casually tell my friends im a system. because i feel like. if things continue with me Not being able to share this with them, we're gonna drift apart.but fuck i dont want to tell them. bcs itll be a HUGE thing. theyll be confused theyll have quesfions theyll prob be Scared or judge or Doubt (even if they mean well). i just dont want all thag i jusg want to be like hey! btw im multiple ppl but its all Me its all Your friend

[faxine]

Socializing while being chronically ill is fucking terrible. It hurts to cancel plans all the time bc you're sick or in pain or just have to prioritize resting instead of going out and hanging out with friends. You feel left out because you are left out. You miss out on the talks and moments and experiences with them and it alienates you from the friendships wether you like it or not.

But it's not your fault. Please remember it's never your fault. You're doing the best you can. It's okay.

[faxine]

my bedroom growing up was my haven that wasn't really safe. but it was the closest thing I had.

I could try to pretend I was completely alone in the world and that everything was okay.

the walls were thin. I could hear screaming and stomping. but I could plug my ears, listen to music

my assaulter could come over any time she wanted. but at least I could still hide under the covers. clutch my blanket. hug my plushies. pretend I was asleep. pretend it wasnt happening. because it was my room. and it should be safe

[faxine]

Sending love to anyone who has suffered more than anyone else can ever fully understand. It can be really hard to find people who can hold space for the immensity of what you've been through and that can be an incredibly isolating experience.

[faxine]

You are valid if you don't identify with the label "survivor" for whatever reason(s). You are valid if the label you identify is "victim". It's often dismissed, and people are told "but you're not a victim, you're a survivor!" and that can feel invalidating even if the intention is good.

To some, calling themselves a victim is them admitting something bad happened, and they're hurting. It's a way of validating their experiences. And that's really valid.

Whatever your reason(s) are for the label you use, you are valid either way.

[faxine]

It is not okay for your parent to say “I guess I’m just the worst mom/dad” when you express that you’re upset or hurt by something they said or did.

This also applies to other relationships, too. You shouldn’t be hearing “I guess I’m the worst friend/partner/etc” when you express being upset or hurt by something they did. Whether it’s intentional or not, it is manipulative.

When you’re upset, you should be allowed to express that safely without them making it about them. It shouldn’t lead you to comforting them and possibly feeling bad for saying anything (and possibly feeling too anxious to say something in the future.)

[faxine]

Abuse is like a weed

It's going to start as a small sprout. Its going to be ignorable. Something small. You need to pull it out immediately. People will think you are overreacting. It was a small thing. You might think you are overreacting.

But if you leave it, it will grow. If a person does an abusive thing, then they are a kind of person who will do abusive things. It will not be just the one thing.

Once you accept the weed in the garden its easier to ignore it getting bigger. You dismissed it once, whats the big deal if its a little bigger now? Its only a bit annoying.

It will get harder to remove. It will grow deep roots and a thick stalk. You will excuse more things because its hard to remove. So what if its growing spikes and scratches you. You can work around it and it would be a huge pain to remove it.

By the time its sapped all the nutrients from your garden so nothing else can grow it will be thick, deeply rooted, and covered in thorns. You will need to go at it with a hack saw and you will be digging up peices of it that were left over perhaps even years after the main plant is gone.

Remove it when it sprouts

Learn to recognize the signs of abuse

Read why does he do that (I cannot empthesize this enough this book does an INCREDIBLE job at teaching you waht abuse looks like and how it functions everyone should read this book)

It is not your fault if you get abused, but learning the signs and knowing when to get out will protect you in the future. It is much easier to cut off an internet friend than it is to get away from them once they are living with you.

Trust me

[faxine]

Hello friend. I was wondering if you had any good resources on DID to show to family members who don't know what it is or understand it. I would like to give some education to our family so they can better understand us. Any resources are appreciated. You could also DM us if you wanted. :) Thank you kindly. -C

Here are some resources I quite like. Good luck!

Supporting a person who lives with dissociated identities

What is a dissociative disorder?

An introduction to trauma-related dissociation

DID myths and misconceptions

Myths and media portrayals of DID

(Although I don't know this website well, it also looks promising: Roadmap to Resilience)

[faxine]

Isolation on autopilot?

Oh damn, this is super interesting. Relatable, too. From the Coping book:

[faxine]

i teally need to know how to not get super upset/anxious/angry when any of the people im fixated on take longer than a few minutes to reply. im so serious i dont wanna freak out internally every time. but time LITERALLY slows down when im waiting for a reply and 10 minutes feels like forever like im not exaggerating how agonizing it can feel. so. like. TIPS?? ANYONE??

[faxine]

Trauma is the response, not the event.

And when we talk about how DID is formed from severe childhood trauma, what is not meant is that what happened to you needs to have been objectively "severe". If you have severe trauma responses (such as DID), then you have severe trauma.

Your trauma is enough regardless of what happened to you.

Trauma is incredibly subjective; what was incredibly traumatizing for one person may not be for another. How we become traumatized is related to a complex web of factors. No case of traumatization will look the exact same.

Trauma is not a competition. What matters is that it affects you. It's enough.

[faxine]

"If you were actually in that much pain you'd be screaming in agony" well, the thing is, screaming takes energy and so does being in pain, and I also have other shit to do, you know. I think people only have the context of pain as being an acute concept, like stubbing your toe...something that comes and then gets better. You kinda get used to chronic pain, but it never stops hurting. You just learn to exist with it, because you don't have another choice

[faxine]

[faxine]

really fucking sucks that the catalyst for the mcelroy brothers' "downfall" was when one of them *checks notes* displayed symptoms of the mental illness he was very open about, in a way that was deeply embarrassing but ultimately pretty harmless

[faxine]