fear-of-flyers - Tumblr blog

[fear-of-flyers]

i love your stick season series and have to ask will you be doing more for the deluxe version?

thank you so much! i definitely plan on it. i still need to finish the original series lmao but i definitely have ideas in mind (including a pt. 2 to new perspective)

[fear-of-flyers]

feeling unmotivated so blurb requests are officially open! i’ll have stick season stuff out eventually tho i promise

[fear-of-flyers]

REC LIST

NEW RECS WILL BE ADDED EVERY WEEK. WHEN IT GETS TOO BIG IT WILL BE SPLIT INTO TEAMS.

TRAVIS ZEGRAS

PDA by @adorethedistance Trevor comes to visit you for the holidays, and your relationship is quite an adjustment for your brothers.

MIKKO RANTANEN

Bad for Business (+18) by @comphy-and-cozy Mikko has a crush on his massage therapist.

ANDREI SVECHNIKOV

Fake Numbers and Date Numbers (4+1) by @matsbarzal A message written all in russian, a man named andrei, and 5 dates that wouldn't have happened if it hadn't have been for a fake number.

All Love by @barzysunflower Bumping into your ex at a bar could have turned out worse.

FREDDIE ANDERSEN

One Point Perspective (+18) by @squilliamnylander The team decides truth or dare is a great party game. Until one asks a question no-one wants to ask. Luckily, the answer results in something unexpected.

MATTHEW TKACHUK

Baby, Kiss It Better by @slapshot-to-the-heart Some exciting news is revealed after a game where he drops the gloves.

Baby Girl (+18) by @ahockeywrites A battle of Alberta was tough and the look of his name looks good on your back.

What Friends Are For by @matthewttkachuk-deactivated2021 In which a friend is there for another when they need it most.

NOLAN PATRICK

Orange (+18) by @spookyscarysalamander A noise complaint turns into something a little more.

NICO HISCHIER

Valentine by @hischierdevils After some comments from his teammates, Nico questions your relationship on valentine’s day.

It's My Footwork by @bagopucks Private ballet classes become something more. Secrets are revealed once they come to an end.

Game Winner by @babydollmarauders In which Nico gets rewarded for his game winning goal

Cold Nights & A Sunday Morning by @ohmyeyesmyeyes A quite Sunday morning was going blissfully. Hopefully a ruined proposal doesn't change that.

King of My Heart by @lvrfulton After a comment from a teammate, you've come to realise he's more than your best friend.

Heartbeat Confession by @nowandkei What's the worst that could happen when your brother plays against your boyfriend and best friend?

Paris by @babydollmarauders In which you're so in love with Nico, that you doesn’t care about any of the gossip your friends tell you about your exes.

Question Pressure by @starry-hughes Nico feels like everyone is mistaking you for his wife and thinks it is finally time to ask you the question.

I Love You, Say It Back P1 + P2 by @bitchinbarzal You regret never responding to those three words.

Captain by @nowandkei Some of the players decide to play truth or dare. And much like teenage boys, the questions start to get a little spicier.

Soulmates 'N All That by @bagopucks A new job comes with a couple perks. Like new friends and a soulmate.

Something Blue by @ilyasorokinn One of the stories Nico learned about you early on was the story of the lost ring. It was a ring given to you when you were 17, but during a move, it was accidentally sold. So, Nico decides to track it down.

Isn't It Strange? (+18) by @hookingminor A little white lie may have been the best thing to do when it comes to a family member's wedding.

JACK HUGHES

Starboy (+18) by @babydollmarauders In which you is turned on by Jack playing hockey.

JOEL FABREE

Felt The Lightning Under My Skin by @nugnthopkns A asshole hockey players vs a figure skater. What could be worse?

ANTHONY BEAUVILLIER

Mine by @hotgirlhockey After getting angry on the ice, you decide to make Anthony angry in bed too.

Holiday Cards by @fear-of-flyers After talking to another WAG, you come up with an idea. Hopefully Anthony is willing to go along with it.

Trade by @prettytoxicrevolver When Anthony gets traded to the Canucks, the future of your relationship becomes uncertain

The Four Times it Rained and The One Time it Didn't by @prettytoxicrevolver The rain has always brought good things to you and Tito but what happens when it's actually sunny out?

Super Dad by @ilyasorokinn Life as a dad in quarantine.

Where We Land by @matbarzyy Babysitting Tito's son was supposed to be simple. Until feelings get involved.

Become a Family by @beauvibaby Moving to Long Island as a single mum is tough. Luckily a friend is willing to catch up and be involved.

Love is an Open Door by @hotgirlhockey You are a single mother who starts dating a hockey player. Months into the relationship, you begin to fall in love with said player, but the last thing you were expecting was your daughter to love him too.

ELIAS PETTERSSON

Leo Pettersson's Great All-Star Adventure by @ilyasorokinn Your son has the time of his life at his first all-star game.

With or Without P1 + P2 by @bitchinbarzal You find out your pregnant and he doesn't react too well.

QUINN HUGHES

Best Friends by @starsandhughes When your boyfriend gets a *tad* jealous over your relationship with Quinn, things so a *bit* wrong. Luckily Quinn is there to pick up the pieces.

NOLAN MOYLE

Worse Than A Penalty (+18) by @greazyfloz Making a sex tape sounds fun until one of the freshmen use Nolan's phone.

RUTGER MCGROARTY

I've Got You by @yankstrash College parties aren't always what they're like in the movies. Thankfully, your boyfriend and his teammates are to the rescue.

LUKE HUGHES

NYE Traditions by @lukehughes43 The team will do anything to make sure Luke is kept happy.

SERIES

Road Wife (+18) by @cellythefloshie The wives and girlfriends of the Tampa Bay Lightning players have notice the boys have been struggling during their away games and can’t help but wonder if is because they aren’t getting sexual gratification on the road. After a year of success in their Road Wife initiative, the vacancy needed to be filled and you are their candidate.

Bubble Wrapped Masterlist (+18) by @myhockeyworld87 Covid bubble makes everyone go a little crazy. As the hotel manager of one of the Toronto bubbles, your hands are full. But not just work things.

Forget by @hischierdevils A toxic relationship with Mat Barzal and when you finally break it off, Nico is there to show you how you should’ve been treated all along.

ALL AUTHORS ON THIS LIST DESERVE A FOLLOW! CHECK OUT ALL THEIR OTHER STUFF AND SHOW THEM SOME LOVE ❤️

[fear-of-flyers]

halloween

tracklist

<<play last current song play next>>

featured lyric(s): literally the whole song, it was too many lyrics to put in, i recommend listening along

parental advisory: not the healthiest relationship, strikethroughs are purposeful (imagine handwritten in pen, no erasing only crossing out)

dear nathan,

i would say i hope this letter finds you well but in all honesty i don’t and i think you know why. i’m leaving, if that wasn’t obvious by my absence. by the time this reaches you i’m going to be far, far away and i know that you could find me if you truly wanted but please don’t.

we worked for a while, our honeymoon phase was everything i ever wanted but then it got worse and it never got better. we were both going through things; i was worried for you and i’d like to think you were worried for me and it was fine but neither of us made moves to change. at the end i found myself stuck in a hole and it felt like i would never get out of it. it was a grave we dug for me to live in and i’m just happy i realized before it was too late to claw myself out of it. for what it’s worth, i’m pretty sure it was apparent to everyone around us that we weren’t doing well. but each time i expressed hesitation you said “it’ll get better”, i believed you, and sometimes you tried a little harder for a while. then, “it’ll get better” turned into “for the sake of appearances” and “it’s just a dinner, please” and i knew it wouldn’t get better. 

the one issue i’ve found is that everything reminds me of you. i thought of you on my flight and i think of you in the sun and the snow. i walk past that gluten free pasta in the grocery store and turn, expecting you to appear behind me. i saw your face in everything i did the past three years, and it’s in all my recent memories, and somehow i can’t get it, or you, out of my mind. you’re everywhere, it’s honestly like your spirit is haunting me. (i hope that didn’t make you feel good about yourself. truthfully, i questioned including this because even after i’ve left i feel i have to reassure you, to make everything better; i hope this made you even a little sorry, you didn’t feel sorry enough while i was still in colorado).

i told ej i was leaving first (don’t take it out on him, i know you), and when he thought i wasn’t leaving forever he told me you were going to all star weekend -something about wanting me to stay in the know- so, congrats, i’m happy for you. despite this, i reassure you that my connections to colorado you have long since been cut (i’ve maintained my friendships, please don’t make me regret telling you this, i wouldn’t put it past you). i wish you the best nate, it just happened to be that my best isn’t anywhere near you.

sincerely,

y/n

[fear-of-flyers]

growing sideways

tracklist

<< play last current song play next>>

featured lyric(s): "so i took my medication and i poured my trauma out, on some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch" + "but i ignore things, and i move sideways, 'til i forget what i felt in the first place" +"oh, if my engine works perfect on empty i guess i'll drive"

parental advisory: mental health issues, reader is depressed. mentions of struggle with food/eating. if i'm missing something please reach out <3

you started going to therapy when you were 16, and since then you had been waiting to wake up and finally feel good. and for a while you thought you had made it. you got to wake up curled into the love of your life and look forward to whatever the day had to bring. you followed your routine and it hadn’t failed you yet. but you shouldn’t have been surprised when, one cold day in philadelphia, you woke up and couldn’t summon the strength to get out of bed. it was how depression worked, there were ups and downs and you were bound to struggle eventually. your therapist always told you that you had to acknowledge your feelings to get through them, you couldn’t just ignore things, move to the side and pretend everything was okay. and you were getting better at it, you had plans in place for when you felt bad; your mistake was ignoring the plans and not texting your boyfriend. joel wasn’t in bed with you when you woke up, out of the house early for practice, and it would’ve been so simple to reach out but you didn’t want to worry him. and because of that you made your way through the day numb.

when joel finally made it home he could tell something was up and didn’t know if he had the time to figure it out. he had a game that night and a routine to follow but you were always more important. he couldn’t fix everything in that moment but he could make sure you didn’t have to strain your mind that night. while joel made his lunch you sat in the kitchen with him, craving the closeness more than usual. he offered to make you something but you declined saying you had a late breakfast. joel didn’t believe you for a second but knew not to push and instead cut up some strawberries for you to snack on while he ate. he also made sure to put in an order from your favorite restaurant to be delivered while he was playing, knowing you wouldn’t eat later. then it was time for joel’s pregame nap and he dragged you to bed with him, delighting in the small smile he was able to bring out. he tucked you into bed first before climbing in and pulling you close. knowing that silence made things worse joel kept up a soft stream of commentary to help you fall asleep and the last thing you heard was “you don’t have to be okay, i’ll always be here.”

you woke up in your favorite place feeling a little better than that morning but still nowhere close to 100%. joel woke up a little after that and hugged you tightly before getting up to shower. when he got out he put on your favorite suit of his and let you know he ordered you dinner. he finally left a couple minutes later with a kiss on the forehead and the promise to win for you. unfortunately, the little momentum you had from joel being home left you almost immediately. you stayed in bed until 7, only moving to lay down in the living room and turn the game on. you watched in a half-aware daze, barely noting the score and almost missing the knock on the door. you made yourself get up because you knew it was your dinner and didn’t want to let joel down. after grabbing the food from the door and a glass of water from the kitchen you made your way back to the living room as the second started. you watched your plate more than you did the game; eyeing it like something was gonna happen. late in the second joel scored and you used that as motivation to take a few bites. the food, though, didn't magically cure you. so when joel got home after a win he found you curled up into the corner of the couch, game highlights playing softly in the background.

he rubbed your shoulder gently to wake you up, “hey,” he said softly as you opened your eyes. “you watched?” you nodded, fearing that if you opened your mouth everything would come out. “ready to head to bed?” joel asked again, grabbing your plate and glass while waiting for an answer. you nodded again but reached to get your dishes, “i can do it joel.” you insisted, voice shaky, “it’s my mess.” but joel shook his head, “i got it, why don’t you head to our room?” sighing you accepted the loss and started down the hallway. joel rinsed off the plate and put the leftovers in the fridge, happy you had eaten what you did. he then filled up each of your water bottles and made his own way down the hall. in his head he was formulating the best way to bring up your mood, he wanted to do it in a way that made you feel safe and not judged. his plans flew out of the window when, as he got closer to your room he heard sniffling. 

without hesitation joel sped up, running the rest of the way to your room. he dropped the water bottles on the bed and looked around briefly before realizing you were in the bathroom. he walked to the door and knocked gently, not wanting to burst in and startle you. “y/n?” he called, “can i come in?” you wanted to say no, not wanting to worry joel more but when you opened your mouth all you could do was sob harder and you knew it was too late, in turn joel opened the door and crossed the room quickly to get to you. you had turned on the water to shower and gotten undressed but hadn’t made it far enough to actually get in. joel reached over you to shut the water and pulled off his hoodie. he sank to the floor and helped you put the hoodie on before pulling you into his lap. “hey, its gonna be okay love. what can i do?” he asked, desperately searching for an answer. 

“i don’t know,” you sobbed, “i don’t know what’s wrong, i just don’t. if i did I would fix it i promise. i’m sorry, i’m so so sorry.” joel hugged you closer, heart breaking as you spoke. “hey, don’t ever be sorry, never apologize for this. ever. it’s okay that you don’t know what’s wrong, i’m gonna do everything in my power to help you figure it out. don’t you worry.” and so you sat there, sobbing on the floor in the arms of the love of your life. and for the first time in your life you realized that it really was gonna be okay, and even if you had to run on empty for a while you could keep going.

[fear-of-flyers]

a lot of people have been asking for a new perspective part 2. well, noah kahan is coming out with a deluxe album and this is my official promise to write one when it comes out :)

[fear-of-flyers]

strawberry wine

tracklist

<<play last current song play next>>

featured lyric(s): "strawberry wine and all the time we used to have. those things i miss but know are never coming back."

parental advisory: underaged drinking/smoking

it was bound to happen eventually. you frequented the same spaces, had overlaps in your friend groups and loved to be surrounded by people too much to avoid each other for too long. it was only natural that you would run into thomas again, for the first time since you broke up, at a party. you saw him from across the room; he was standing with his teammates and you were getting yourself a white claw. it was at that moment you were immensely grateful that the relationship ended on good terms. you locked eyes and smiled in acknowledgement as he nodded slightly to say hello. that was it in the moment, you were pulled away by your friends to dance and get a little drunk and he did whatever he was doing before.

you found him again a couple of hours later when your friend dragged you over to the pong table that was set up in a corner. she wanted to play (and flirt) with owen but didn’t want to go alone so you stood off to the side and watched. a couple of minutes into the game (it was going poorly, the flirting was going well) you felt someone stand beside you and turned to find thomas leaning against the wall. “hey,” you said, turning slightly away from the game to face him. “long time no see.” he replied. you nodded, unsure of what to say next. “how have you been?” he asked. “honestly really good,” you replied. “i definitely miss hanging out with you but everything else is going well. classes are good, i got the internship i applied for and my mom is coming down to visit in 2 weeks.” thomas smiled, “i’m really happy you’re happy.” he replied before asking: “do you wanna go outside for a little bit?” you nodded and agreed to meet him on the back deck after you checked in with your friend and grabbed a drink for each of you.

when you finally made it outside, thomas was sitting on a chair in the corner, a blunt in his hand. you smiled when you saw it, memories flooding through your mind. “what are you smiling about?” thomas called from across the deck, snapping you back to the present. “that time you showed up at my door high out of your mind.” you said, laughing as you handed him his drink and sat down. “you wanted me to make you brownies so bad it was hilarious.” thomas laughed with you. “oh yeah, i dragged you back to the house and sat on the counter as you made them.” you nodded, “and you didn’t shut up all night about how you remembered to leave the eggs and butter out. you told everyone who walked in.” thomas laughed. “it was something to be proud of!” he defended, “you can’t say i’m wrong.” you raised your hands in defeat “yeah, you’re right. it definitely was something to be proud of.” the two of you then sat in silence for a little while, sipping your drinks and watching the people around you.  

[fear-of-flyers]

orange juice

tracklist

<<play last current song play next>>

featured lyric(s): "feels like i've been ready for you to come home, for so long. that i didn't think to ask you where you'd gone" + "you said my heart has changed and my soul has changed" + "are we all just pulling you down?"

parental advisory: mentions of alcohol (nothing underaged), hints at addiction, angst [flashbacks in italics]

“i think i’m ready to try this again.” 

that was the text you sent to mitch on a cold tuesday morning in toronto, 3 weeks since the last time you had set foot in his apartment. the reason you left wasn’t entirely anyone’s fault, you and mitch had been having issues that had all stemmed from a lack of communication. you had taken to going out with your friends and getting drunk while mitch went out with his and a month into your new post-night out argument routine you realized you needed to make a change. 

“i don’t want to do this anymore mitch.” you said, sitting on the edge your bed watching mitch pace back and forth in front of you. “i can’t do this anymore.” mitch stopped pacing and walked over to you, eyes wide with an emotion you wished you could place. “do you want to break up y/n? are you kidding me?” he asked, fighting desperately to hold eye contact as you looked anywhere else. “i don’t know mitch.” you responded, “i just can’t keep up with this. you aren’t ever ready to talk, and i know i haven’t been perfect but this can’t be healthy; i can’t keep getting drunk.” the silence that followed was enough for you to move to the guest room for the night and pack a bag the next day. you left while mitch was at practice, a note sitting on the island that read “i want this to work, really. i’ll text when i’m ready to talk. hope you’ll be ready too.”

and now here you are, standing outside of the door to mitch’s (your?) apartment, listening to familiar footsteps make their way to the door. “hi,” mitch said, the sliver of smile full of hope on his face. the two of you took each other in as he opened the door wider and stepped back, inviting you in. “can i hug you?” he asked, opening his arms slightly. instead of answering you stepped closer and put your arms around his torso, relishing in the feeling of being held. the two of you stood like that for what felt like an eternity, wrapped up in each other in front of an open door until you finally broke the silence. “i can’t remember the last time we did this.” you said, stepping into your own space. “i think that’s part of the reason i left, i needed to remember what i missed so much.” 

“and what did you miss?” mitch asked, knowing exactly what he wanted your answer to be. you simply said “you. mitch i missed you so much. i miss our date nights and game nights with the team and karaoke with auston and willy. i missed being sober more often than i wasn’t.” and it was a lot to take in so mitch walked to the kitchen as he processed, signaling for you to follow him. “do you want something to drink?” he asked, opening the fridge. “i got the orange juice you like when you texted that you were ready to talk. and i heard you stopped drinking. i’m happy for you y/n, like really-” you stood in the doorway to the kitchen as mitch said all this, taking in the energy you had missed in your absence. “i’ll take some juice mitchy.” you said, interrupting his fast paced speaking as you moved to sit at the island. you watched him pour the juice before asking “are you okay? you just seem nervous.”

“i think i am.” he said, finally turning to face you. “not in a bad way, i promise. it just feels like i’ve been ready for you to come home since you left and i’m worried i’m gonna fuck it all up again. i didn’t even think to ask you where you went.” when mitch finished talking he looked up at you, worried about your reaction. what he didn’t expect was for you to be smiling. “it’s good to hear all this mitch. this is the communication i’d been missing before i’d left. and maybe you didn’t ask where i was but i don’t need you too. i just need you to be present. i’ve changed more than i thought possible in 3 weeks but no amount of change is gonna stop me from loving you.” with that you got up and walked to where mitch was standing, taking his hands in yours. “you didn’t do it all mitch, i played my part in this too.” mitch sighed, “i know,” he said. “i think that from what i’ve seen and heard you’ve been doing so well without me and i worry that i’m pulling you down. i love you so much y/n, more than i’ve ever loved anyone before and i think that’s why i was so distant; i couldn’t imagine losing you.”

“you’ll never lose me mitchy.” you said, pulling him into another much needed hug. “not ever. especially not now that we know what we need to do to communicate effectively. you can’t get rid of me now.” in response you felt mitch press a kiss to your hair as his arms tightened around your shoulders, “i don’t ever want to get rid of you y/n. as a matter of fact, i’m never letting go.”

[fear-of-flyers]

won’t you stay til the a.m.?

summary: New Year’s Eve. A time for celebration of another a fresh start, of new beginnings. But for you, it was just another reminder of all the time you felt like you wasted. And when you share a heart-to-heart with your childhood best friend Mitch, someone who you fell for years ago but never told, will the both of you let another moment pass you by? [written for Demi’s (@antoineroussel) Winter Fic Exchange. to Quinn (@fear-of-flyers​) with love.]

playlist word count: 3.3k warnings: alcohol consumption, self-doubt, general fears about the passage of time. 

The sky above you is clear, not even a whisper of a cloud in the darkness. You inhale the cold winter air, the sting of it entering your lungs a welcome feeling. Through the open window, you can hear the New Year’s Eve party drifting up the staircase of Mitch Marner’s childhood home; cheers, laughter, and music.

You know should be down there, celebrating with your family and your friends both old and new. Celebrating the ending of a year and the excitement of a new beginning. But that thought made a different chill sneak into your bones.

Another year come and gone. Another sign of time passing. Another painful reminder of how the world was moving on, whether you wanted it to or not.

Keep reading

[fear-of-flyers]

everywhere, everything

tracklist

<<play last current song play next>>

featured lyric(s): [in italics at the end]

after owen signed with buffalo the two of you agreed to try and make long distance work as you finished up your time at umich;it was hard but you were doing it. the last time you had seen him was when he played the red wings at the end of october and it was now december 2nd. You had met a couple of his teammates at that game and used those connections to get in contact with tage thompson and his wife, rachel, so you could surprise owen. the three of you coordinated plans so that rachel would pick you up from the airport that morning and you would spend the day with her before going to the game that evening. tage even managed to get your bag from his car to owen’s without raising suspicion. and the day was great, you quickly became close with rachel and owen was completely unaware of it all. 

that all led to now, waiting in the hallway talking quietly with rachel and holding a half-asleep brooks. the game went well but that was the last thing on your mind knowing you would finally see owen again in a few minutes. finally tage made his way out of the locker room and you handed him his child as he promised that owen was right behind him. when you heard the door open again you turned to see owen walking out with dylan cozens. dylan saw you first and gently nudged owen until he turned to where you were. “what dude?” he asked, but the annoyed look on his face quickly dropped when he saw you. “hey superstar!” you said, walking towards him. owen quickly closed the gap between you and him and pulled you into his arms, your head finding its natural place on his chest.

after a long hug that still felt too short owen pulled back to look at you. “are you really here?” he asked, face covered in awe and his voice cracking a little. “i’ve missed you so much y/n, you don’t even know.” you looked up at him, “i think i can guess,” you said, laughing softly. “i’ve missed you just as much.” owen shook his head, “not possible.” he responded, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. you wiped them away with your thumbs, kissing him gently as you did. “let’s go home love.” you said, grasping his hand in yours; “we’re making a scene.” owen laughed gently through the few tears that remained and allowed you to start pulling him down the hallway as he waved goodbye to his teammates that remained.

eventually you had to stop pulling owen so he could lead you through the unfamiliar halls of keybank center and to the parking lot. by the time you made it out it was raining hard. “i thought it wasn’t supposed to rain until late,” owen commented while looking between the sky and his car from under the small awning at the door. “babe it is late.” you responded, showing him your phone screen, the time displayed 9:57. “oh” he responded, a slight blush rising on his cheeks. “how far is the car?” you asked, attempting to follow where his eyes were pointed. “not too far,” owen started, pointing at a black sedan. “we’ll make it if we run.” he finished, looking down at you with a familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. you laughed, happy to be with him again. “i’m not racing you owen.” he groaned, half wondering how you read his mind. “c’mon please y/n?” he asked, a pout falling on his lips all too easily. “nope!” you responded, “you take races way too seriously.” and owen couldn’t respond to that, knowing you were right. he instead opted to lace his fingers through yours and take off running. 

“owen what the hell?” you asked, half serious. but seeing the pure joy on his face you couldn’t stay mad long. you made it to the car quickly and owen let go of you so you could climb in as he ran around to the driver’s seat. the drive to owen’s apartment was a quick one that you spent catching up on all the little things you each had missed. when you pulled into the parking lot the rain had yet to let up so you started mentally preparing to sprint to the door. but, before you could do anything owen gently pulled you out of the car, closed the door and wrapped you in a hug. you could still hear the music playing from the car as he swayed you gently, taking in everything he missed so much. “i don’t know how i ever survived without you y/n.” he said softly. you looked up at him and pressed kisses to his chin until he bent down to meet your lips. “i mean it.” he continued, “just like the song says, i’m never letting you go ever. i’ll hold your hand until we die if i have to; it’d be worth it.” and as you took his words in you could hear the lyrics float up from the radio

everywhere, everything  i wanna love you / ‘til we’re food for the worms to eat / ‘til our fingers decompose, keep my hands in yours

[fear-of-flyers]

holiday cards

my work for @buttercupjosh as a part of @antoineroussel winter fic exchange! enjoy kirsten <3

pairing: anthony beauvillier x fem!reader word count: 1.9k warnings: none that i'm aware of (ofc let me know if i need to add any)

Winter was by far your favorite season. It meant all of the things you loved: snow, warm drinks and spending all your free time cozied up with your best friends and family. It also meant that you got to spend all your free nights watching your favorite person in the world play hockey. You had been dating Anthony for almost 3 years and never tired of watching him live his dream. And it didn’t hurt that Anthony living his dream had led you to some of your favorite people in the world, most notably Sydney Esiason Martin. Since meeting her, Syd had become almost like your big sister. She knew firsthand what it was like dating a professional athlete but was also super funny and caring. The two of you connected on a deeper level and the connection had only increased when she had her and Matt’s daughters. You and Beau were one of the first choice babysitters and you were looking to Sydney’s advice for when you started your own family. For now though you were more than happy being an aunt and dog mom. 

Beau had surprised you with a chocolate lab for your second anniversary after months of talking about getting a dog. Her name was Amber, she was 2 and absolutely spoiled by Anthony. He went into it thinking the dog wouldn’t be on the furniture and now she had a permanent spot on the couch and in your bed. This was why you knew Beau would say yes when you asked to do a holiday card. You were at the Islanders game against Nashville during the beginning of December when Sydney was telling you about their annual Christmas card shoot and you knew you had to do it. Despite being virtually certain Anthony would say yes, you made sure to get everything you would need for the shoot before asking to increase the chances. You got matching PJs for you and Anthony and a bandana in the same pattern for Amber and used pinterest (and Syd) to figure out the general vibe you wanted for poses.

All that planning meant that when Anthony got home after practice the next Friday you were set to ambush him. At 1:15 a text from Beau let you know that he was on his way home and you set to work. You tied the bandana on Amber and laid the matching PJs out on your couch; on the side table you put out a container of Anthony’s favorite cookies and Amber’s favorite treats as bribes before sitting at the kitchen island to work while you waited. Not even 20 minutes later you heard a key in the door and Amber’s paws tapping across the hardwood as she ran to greet her favorite person. “Hey there Amber!” You heard Beau say, “How’s my most favorite girl? How was your day, huh?” You rolled your eyes at his words of choice, a small smile forming on your lips. “Most favorite girl?” You said, walking over to your boyfriend. “What does that make me?” Anthony laughed, closing the gap between you and pulling you into a soft kiss. “I have the two best girls in the world,” he said, “you’re both my most favorite.” You smiled against his lips, unable to help it. “Well,” you said. “Would you do us a favor then? Since you love us so much?”

Beau’s face immediately turned suspicious. “What kind of favor?” He asked, pulling his shoes off and placing them under the bench by your door. “A special one.” You replied, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the living room. “Did you notice Amber’s bandana?” You asked, turning back slightly to see Anthony’s response. “Yeah,” he said. “I liked it. Is it new?” You nodded to answer the question. “Yup! And it’s a good thing you like it!” You said, finally coming to a stop in front of the couch. “Cause we have PJs that match!!” You turned to him and were met with a look of confusion. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Is this it? This doesn’t seem like much of a favor.” You smiled a little, stepping closer to him. “Well, I thought that we could put on our matching PJs, then take a picture and putitonaholidaycardtosendtoeveryone.” 

“Woah there,” Beau said, raising his eyebrows. “We’re gonna do what? I just want to make sure I heard that right.” 

“Well, I was talking to Syd at the game Thursday night and she was talking about her family’s holiday cards. I thought it would be cute if we did one.” You said, looking up at Beau through your lashes, a move you knew he couldn’t say no to. “Just super close friends and family, I promise. Plus, they can’t make fun of you because it would be making fun of the other guys who do holiday cards; and no one’s making fun of Marty.” Beau sighed and pulled you into him and you knew you won. “Thank you!” You said, wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning up for a kiss. Beau indulged you and leaned down to meet your lips before asking when you were gonna take the pictures. “I was thinking tonight, if that’s okay with you.” You answered, your head not moving from its place in his neck. You felt him nod against you. “Perfect,” he said. “Just enough time for a nap.”

…

At Beau’s insistence you napped with him. And when you woke up about 30 minutes later you decided to shower and start prepping dinner while Anthony finished sleeping. Finally, about 45 minutes later you heard Anthony’s footsteps coming down the hallway and the telltale taps of Amber walking next to him. “Hi babe,” he said, arms wrapping gently around your waist. “Hi love” You responded, putting the knife you were using down and leaning back into his embrace. “How was your nap?” Beau rested his chin on the top of your head. “Good,” he said. “Turn around.” You complied, reluctantly moving yourself from his embrace. But you were glad you did because when you turned around you were met with Anthony in his brand new PJs. “Wow!” You said, smiling as you took him in. “You look wonderful! Let me finish chopping the zucchini then everything can go in the oven and I’ll change.” You said, moving to turn around and pick up the knife. But Anthony beat you to it, gently moving you out of the way. “Let me do it.” He said, pulling the cutting board closer. “You go ahead and change; we can take the photos as soon as you’re ready.”

You smiled at his thoughtfulness and turned to go change. In the bedroom you put your PJs on before applying a little makeup and pulling your hair back into a bun. By the time you finished and made your  way back to the kitchen Anthony was setting the timer for your dinner. You stood, leaning against the doorway, until he noticed you. He finally did when he turned to leave the room, a smile taking over his face. “You look good, Y/n.” Beau said and you could tell that any hesitancy he had before was gone; the excitement was shining in his eyes. “Yeah?” You asked, grabbing his hand as soon as he was near enough. “Always.” He responded, kissing your cheek. “Amber’s on the couch and I’m ready when you are.” Instead of responding you pulled him gently in the direction of the living room. 

Once there you set up your phone on the TV stand and got started figuring out poses. You ended up sitting next to Beau, squeezed close; Amber was sitting on the floor in between the two of you, her head half on your leg. And it took you a couple of tries but eventually you got the shot. But to your surprise the picture you ended up going with wasn’t one of the few where you looked perfect. You had gone into the photoshoot looking for something idealistic and came out of the experience with your new favorite family photo. In the picture you chose Beau was petting Amber who was looking up happily at you as you laughed at something Beau had said. There was pure joy in each of your eyes, joy you could tell was real. As you scrolled through the photos to choose a couple more Anthony and Amber got back from their quick walk. “What are you smiling at like that?” Beau asked, unclipping Amber’s leash and slipping his shoes off. “Come look!” You said, turning your phone slightly towards him as an invitation. “I picked the main photo for our cards.” As he started towards you the timer on the oven went off so you got up, handing him your phone on the way to the kitchen. And as he swiped through the photos you took your zucchini and chicken out of the oven and turned off the rice cooker before grabbing plates and setting your places at the island.

By the time you were finished serving dinner Beau had made his way into the kitchen and put out food for Amber. He got the both of you water before finally sitting down to eat. You ate in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before asking the question you had been sitting on since you gave him your phone. “What’d you think of the pictures?” You asked, turning slightly to face Beau. “They were really great Y/n.” He said, pulling your hand out of your lap and squeezing it. “I had a lot more fun with it than I thought I would. Thank you for setting it all up.” You smiled at him, tension leaving your body. “I’m so happy about it. I can’t wait to make the cards and send them out. I love all the pictures but especially the fourth one, we look so happy.” At that Beau fully stood up and pulled you into a hug; “We are so happy.”

[bonus]

About a week later the cards came in and you spent an afternoon addressing, stamping, and stuffing envelopes. When that was all finished you walked with Amber to the post office and sent the cards off. A couple of days after that Anthony walked into the locker room and all heads turned to him. He didn’t quite know what was happening so he opted to go right to his locker and start getting dressed but when the staring didn’t let up he scooted a little closer to Mat. “Alright, what happened?” He asked, wanting anyone to say anything. “The cards bro.” Mat responded. “I’m pretty sure most of us got them yesterday.” Anthony nodded in realization, “Oh,” he said. “Were they bad or something?” He asked, now addressing the room at large. “No, just strange,” Oliver spoke up. “Not that it’s a bad strange.” Anders interjected, wanting to reassure Beau. “Yeah, it’s sweet kid.” Marty chimed in, a smile on his face. “Syd was saying that Y/n was talking about doing a card but didn’t know if you’d be down. It’s really nice to see that you did it; plus you look so happy.” Beau felt the smile taking over his face and the blush covering his cheeks, “I wasn’t super excited about it but I wasn’t gonna say no, and we are really happy. I would do anything for her.”

[fear-of-flyers]

Hey Quinn! It's your fic writer for Demi's Winter Fic Exchange! I am working on your fic right now and am pretty proud of how it's going so far. I just have a few more questions:

Are you good with childhood friends to lovers? And is alcohol consumption alright to include in the fic?

Let me know! Very excited for you to read the final product!!

childhood friends to lovers is great! and i'm perfectly fine with alcohol consumption being included. i'm super excited for this!!

[fear-of-flyers]

home for christmas

this is my work written for @sidcrosbyspuck as a part of @iibratzbaby winter fic exchange! i hope y'all enjoy <3

pairing: alex turcotte x fem!reader word count: 2.4k warnings: generally angsty (the title is misleading sorry), siblings being bold (lmk if there's anything i'm missing!)

“Will you come home with me?” Alex asked you in early October when the AHL confirmed a holiday break. You answered “of course” with no hesitation because why wouldn’t you. You and Alex had been dating for almost a year and he had met your parents when they came to California for your college graduation; but you had yet to meet his dad. When Alex made his NHL debut you were in the middle of finals and trips hadn’t worked out since. You had only heard great things about his family since so you agreed to go. And for a while you were excited. But somewhere mid November Alex started losing, and with the losses came distance and with the distance came arguments. You were upset that he kept disappearing for what felt like days at a time to hang out with his friends and do anything to forget about a loss. He always said he was sorry but never seemed to make the effort to change and as time went on you felt more and more hurt. The issue though was how perfect Alex managed to be when he was there. Somehow he kept up with the littlest things and for those moments you couldn’t imagine yourself anywhere else. When he made you breakfast in bed and offered to drive you to work you found yourself forgetting how often you were curled up in a cold bed with not a clue where in the city your boyfriend was. So while deep inside you knew that you shouldn’t go home with him, you did anyway. 

The two of you boarded a flight on December 22 at LAX and landed 4 hours later at O’Hare in Chicago. From there you got in your rental car for the week and drove the 45 minutes to Alex’s hometown. Along the way you held hands over the center console as Alex pointed out all of the places he’d grown up. It was nice. You felt like you were seeing a new side of the boy you thought you knew everything about. At your insistence you stopped by a shop in town to get a bouquet for Alex’s mom and a bottle of wine for Alex’s dad before finally making your way to his home. And the best part of it all was how you could feel his energy growing as you got closer to your destination. Finally you pulled into the driveway of a light blue, two-story house. Alex killed the ignition and you each unbuckled your seatbelt. You turned to look at him, smiling when you saw just how happy he was to be home. Feeling your eyes on him, Alex turned and looked at you. “You ready?” He asked, squeezing your hand almost in reassurance. “Yup!” You nodded, letting go of his hand to open your door and walk to grab your bag out of the trunk. 

When you both had your bags Alex grabbed your hand with his empty one and in his excitement half-dragged you to the front door. As you climbed the steps, the door opened and Alex let go of your hand to hug his dad before introducing you. “Dad this is Y/n, Y/n this is my dad.” He said, moving to the side so you could take the hug Mr.Turcotte offered to you. “Hi Mr.Turcott, nice to meet you,” you said. “Please, Y/n, call me Alfie. It’s nice to meet you too,” he responded. “I’ve heard great things about you.” With that you blushed, looking softly at Alex until he looked away as Alfie invited you inside. 

Once inside Alex showed you to his room where you both left your bags before heading downstairs to talk about plans for the week. You learned that Alex’s mom still worked full time but would be off from the 23rd to when you and Alex left on the 28th. She would be home around 4:30 that evening and Alex’s siblings would arrive over the course of the next few days. With that information you asked Alex if he had made any plans for while he was home. You wanted to know if there was anything you needed mentally prepare for. Instead you learned that Alex was hanging out with two separate groups of friends and you weren’t invited. 

“We wanted like a guy's night, you know?” Alex asked you, his face remaining neutral as he took in the flash of hurt on yours. “No hard feelings right? I promise it’s nothing personal.” You nodded slightly, pasting on a smile. “Of course Alex. No hard feelings. What if we had a date night though?” You asked. It had been a while since you spent intentional time together and a part of you hoped the sneaking suspicion you had that the relationship wouldn’t make it back to LA wasn’t true. Unfortunately Alex’s response was “Maybe, depends on if we have time or not.” Hearing “we” you looked at him confused. “If ‘we��� have time?” You asked, “Alex I came to hang out with the people you love. As far as I’m aware I have nothing but time.” At that Alex had the decency of looking chastised but when he opened his mouth those feelings weren’t conveyed. “I guess I meant if I have time. Sorry.” You nodded again, not bothering to hold your smile and got up, announcing “I’m gonna go unpack a little.” before climbing the stairs to Alex’s room.

…

And that was where you found yourself 3 days later. You were alone, getting ready to go to Alex’s aunt’s house for Christmas dinner and you couldn’t stop thinking. This was the first moment of real alone time you had had since you arrived, Alex was showering while you did your makeup, and the longer you sat the more clear it became to you. Then the realization hit you like a ton of bricks, you were falling out of love. And the timing made it that much worse. You didn’t want to talk to Alex about breaking up as you were sitting in his parents home. What you didn’t know was that Alex was having the same internal monologue as he showered. The issue was that instead of being mature adults and talking about your feelings as Alex was deciding to pull away even more you opted to make it seem like everything was perfect. This mix meant horrible tension all through dinner starting when you reached for Alex’s hand over the dash and he opted to drive with two hands. It didn’t get better when he introduced you to his family then abandoned you to hang out with his cousins, and it was still bad when you sat through most of dessert, the entire ride home, and your bedtime routine virtually silent. That night as you fell asleep you half thought that you would be more comfortable sleeping alone. The bed you were sharing felt just as cold as the nights you slept by yourself but at least then you were in a familiar space, here you felt entirely isolated.

The next morning you moved around the bathroom with Alex, falling into a familiar routine even as the air felt stale. After breakfast with his family Alex excused himself for the rest of the morning to go to Topgolf with his friends. As the door shut behind him you turned to go upstairs and were met with the face of Gabi, one of his older sisters. You jumped a little, not expecting someone behind you. “Hey. Everything good?” You asked, not quite understanding what was going on. Gabi shook her head, “I could ask you the same thing Y/n.” Your face contorted with more confusion and at your look Gabi grabbed your wrist and led you upstairs to her room. 

You moved to sit in the desk chair as Gabi closed the door behind you before sitting on her bed. After sitting in silence for a couple of minutes you finally broke it. “What did you mean earlier? Why wouldn’t everything be good with me?” You asked, already wanting the conversation to be over. Gabi rolled her eyes, “Things clearly aren’t going perfectly with you and Alex. There was a weird tension between y’all when you got here and it’s somehow managed to get worse,” she said. “You barely said a word to him last night, I have a right to be concerned.” And for whatever reason that statement got you. In what world did she have a right into her brother’s relationship? If she was truly concerned why wouldn’t she take it up with Alex? “We’re fine Gabi,” you said. “And not that it’s your business but I’m just upset he made all these plans that didn’t include me.” Gabi nodded, “Oh.” You smiled sharply, “Anything else you wanna know? Any other business I can put out there?” You asked before standing and walking out of the room as she shook her head.

…

You made yourself scarce after the conversation with Gabi, not wanting to face Alex’s family until he got home. The issue was that once he got home Alex didn’t make his way upstairs until it was almost dinner time. You wanted to be okay with that, truly, but it definitely hurt that Alex didn’t even text to check in. When he did finally make it upstairs you smiled gently from the bed, pausing your movie. “Hey,” you said, “how was golf?” Alex smiled back as he sat at the edge of the bed, pulling your ankles into his lap. “Good,” he replied, “it started snowing on the way home. How was hanging out here?” Your eyes widened slightly remembering the conversation from that morning but decided that now wasn’t the time. “It was fine,” you said. “Something happened with Gabi but I don’t want to talk about it right now, especially not around your family.” Alex nodded in understanding but still looked concerned. Sensing this you asked, “Is there somewhere in town we can get ice cream tonight?” He nodded, “Yeah, we can go to Culver’s after dinner. I’ll tell my family we wanted time to ourselves.”

You found that kind of ironic, the fact that time alone was gonna be the excuse he used; that was all you wanted since the beginning of the trip. Yet here you were, using time alone as an excuse so you could tell him about what his sister did. But you nodded in agreement anyways, not wanting to stir the pot before this conversation. “Mom said dinner would be ready soon.” Alex said, moving your legs out of his lap and standing up. “Are you ready to head down?” You nodded, moving the blankets off of your body and taking Alex’s offered hand to pull you up. The two of you walked to the door hand in hand but the moment of bliss stopped as Gabi peeked her head in to let you know dinner was ready. You watched as her eyes flicked down to your joined hands, sending you a look you couldn’t quite read. You grimaced a little, hoping Alex didn’t notice the interaction. If he did he didn’t say anything but he did let your hand go to pull the door open further, stepping to the side to let you through.

After an awkward dinner you and Alex excused yourselves, pulled on your jackets and climbed into his car. “What was up with you and Gabi at dinner?” He asked, unable to wait any longer. “I don’t really know,” you answered honestly. “Although I can’t say I’m surprised she didn’t tell you about this morning.” Alex turned onto the main road, “What happened this morning?” You shook your head as you remembered. “She asked me what was happening between us.” You said, “I asked why she felt the need to be in our business and why she didn’t ask you.” Alex scoffed, “Why does it matter who she asked?” Then it was your turn to scoff, “She’s your sister Alex. I’ve known her for not even 3 days. If one of my friends went to you, instead of me, about something they thought was a problem I wouldn’t exactly appreciate it.” You said, hoping desperately it made sense to him. Unfortunately Alex’s response was “I don’t see the problem with it Y/n, she was just concerned.” And that was your breaking point. “You haven’t seen a problem with a lot of things recently Alex,” you said. “If you had, maybe we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Alex tightened his grip on the wheel and turned slightly to you, “What does that mean?” he asked. “It means exactly what it sounds like,” you replied. “You’ve seen no problem going out with the team and not telling me anything, and you certainly haven’t seen a problem leaving me alone in your childhood home as you go off to do what you please. I’m not happy anymore Alex and I thought coming here would make it better but it hasn’t and I don’t know what to do.” 

The car slowed to a stop as Alex pulled to the side of the road you were on. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.” He said turning to you, face contorted strangely. “Well I didn’t either Alex. Not until all the time alone gave me a chance to process.” All Alex could manage was “oh” before slipping into silence. That was how you sat for the next couple of minutes, the both of you processing. As you processed you realized that you couldn’t quite remember the last time Alex said that he loved you. So you turned to him, “Do you feel differently Alex?” you asked. “Well,” he started, but the words didn’t quite come. “You don’t love me anymore, do you?” And if words escaped him before he certainly wasn’t opening his mouth now. “Okay then,” you said, the lack of response makes Alex’s answer perfectly clear. “I want to go home.” Once again, Alex couldn’t do anything but nod, “I’ll help you reschedule your flights to as soon as possible.” He said, pulling back onto the road as you opened your phone to find flights.

The two of you arrived back at Alex's house in silence, walked past his family and went upstairs where Alex confirmed flights for you as you set to work packing. That night you slept together in a familiarly cold bed and the next morning Alex graciously drove you to the airport before his family even woke up. “Thanks for coming,” Alex said as he handed you your bag from the trunk. You rolled your eyes, “Don’t do this Alex.” You said, grabbing your bag and turning to walk away. “Playing nice isn’t gonna fix anything now.”

[fear-of-flyers]

next part of the stick season special should be coming out sometime this week! i’ve been super busy with school and the holidays but i plan on starting again this week!

[fear-of-flyers]

Hello Quinn!

'Tis I, your winter fic exchange writer and I'm very excited to make something that you will love! But in order to do that, I have a few questions:

I'm thinking about writing for Mitch Marner. Is that alright or is there someone else you'd really want to read about?

Are you alright with a winter holiday themed fic (doesn't have to be specific or the main focus, just general holiday-ness)?

How do you feel about second-chance romance (two people reconnecting, exes to lovers, right person wrong time, etc. those types of situations)?

That's all for now! Can't wait to start creating for you!!

hey! im sorry i didn’t get back until now but mitch is perfect, winter themed would be great and i am all for a second chance moment

[fear-of-flyers]

hi quinn!! I’m your fic exchange person just thought I would drop in and say hello 🎅🏽🎄

hey!! i’m sorry i didn’t respond to this earlier but i’m super excited!

[fear-of-flyers]

new perspective

tracklist

<<play last current song play next>>

featured lyric(s): "you and all of your new perspective now, wish i could shut it in a closet and drag you back down."

parental advisory: mentions of cheating

when you started dating jack in sophomore year there was no denying that he would end up playing professional hockey. and when you were just as serious halfway through senior year you decided you would follow him anywhere; and anywhere ended up being new jersey. jack was playing with the ndtp and you were at johns hopkins studying psychology but when he was drafted it was easy enough to transfer to rutgers. when you got there you were assigned a dorm but started helping ellen help jack look for an apartment. throughout the process jack insisted that you found something you liked too because he wanted you to move in with him. and despite constantly asking “are you sure?”, the two of you found a nice two bedroom apartment halfway between his practice facility and the prudential center but still close to campus for you.

and things were going well. jack was living his dream and you were on your way to living yours. classes were going well and you went to games whenever you could. you were there for his debut and went to dinner with ellen, jim and luke after. and you were there for his first goal in a game against the canucks of all teams. you went out for dinner with his family after that game as well, but dinner was a shorter affair because the team wanted to take jack out to celebrate. everyone understood though and it worked out because ellen and jim got time to themselves while you, quinn, and luke got ice cream at a place near your apartment. at the end of the night you sent them back to the hotel in an uber and welcomed a slightly intoxicated jack back home. “you know i love you right?” jack asked as you were shuttling him to the bathroom. “yeah jacky, i know.” you respond, giggling as he turns to hug you, making the entire process of getting ready for bed harder. “okay good.” he says “gotta make sure you still do after tonight.” hearing that you pause slightly, not having a clue what he was talking about. but you don’t think too into it, assuming he’s referring to being drunk and needy.

but everything comes to light a few weeks later. the devils are on the road in california and after a game against anaheim you keep the tv on in the background as you clean your apartment. jack had texted that he was giving an interview after the game and you wanted to hear it. the game had been good for him, an assist and a goal late in the third that led to a devils win. the interview started normally, he was congratulated on the game and asked about the team; but the question that stook out to you was when the interviewer asked what being in the league had been like so far. his answer? “it’s been really good, it’s like i have a whole new perspective on everything.” as far as you were aware jack’s outlook on life hadn’t changed all that much, but you pushed it aside thinking that if something was really important jack would tell you himself. 

you were mistaken though because the next morning you woke up to what felt like hundreds of texts from everyone you knew. the one that stood out the most though was from pk subban. he had almost adopted the two of you when jack started with the team and had been there for everything you might need. the text simply read “i’m so sorry. i promise we tried to stop him.” sitting up you rubbed your eyes, confused, and scroll through the rest of your messages. they all loosely said the same things and contained the same screenshots. one from nico “he was drunk but that doesn’t excuse it. i’m here if you need anything.” a couple from your friends back home “he was stupid for that, call us asap.” and a couple in the groupchat you had with all of the hughes brothers. luke had seen it first, in the background of someone’s since deleted instagram story and texted quinn to confirm before immediately texting you. the message was simple, a screenshot captioned “jack what the hell?” quinn had responded with something similar and texted you separately to let you know that he wouldn’t choose jack’s side (if that’s what it came to). and jack hadn’t said anything.

for a full day after he cheated jack had no communication with you. no “i’m sorry” or “it was a mistake” not even an “i don’t regret it.” just radio silence. finally, after his third west coast game, on his way to the plane back home he texted “can we talk when i get back?” sighing to yourself you liked the message and went about your day. you weren’t exactly looking forward to the conversation that would inevitably end in a breakup. you had talked to your friends and parents, and everyone said that ending the relationship would probably be for the best. so, taking that into account, while he was on his flight across the country you were packing all of your things into suitcases and storage bins to move into the dorms. your roommate was in a bunch of your classes and when you didn’t initially move in she let you know that the room was always there if you needed a break. 

when most of your stuff was moved you sat on the couch, waiting for jack’s return home. and finally, just past one, you heard his key in the door. you listened as he took his shoes off and placed his keys on the rack ellen made you get. you followed his path further into the apartment via the familiar sounds of his routines until he eventually appeared in front of you. you nodded your hello and motioned for jack to sit on the couch. “so…” he started, trailing off and fidgeting with his fingers. “so?” you prompted, adding “you cheated on me” when jack seemed at a loss for words. “i’m sorry.” jack finally says. “i was drunk and wasn’t thinking. i shouldn’t have.” you nod, expecting him to continue, to say anything that feels genuine but that never comes. “i think we should break up.” you say, not wanting to drag the conversation out any further. jack’s head shoots up to look at you, eyes wide in shock. “what?” he asks. “why?” you almost laugh, “what do you mean ‘why’ jack?” you ask. “you kissed someone else.” at that jack shakes his head “i was drunk y/n, it can’t be that big of a deal.” then you can’t even be bothered to hold back your laugh. “it’s a pretty big deal to me jack.” you say, not getting how he doesn’t understand. “what if i kissed someone else?” 

“that’s different” jack say and you snap. “how the fuck is it different jack? how is me kissing someone else different than you kissing someone else? why is it okay for you to cheat but i can’t even bring it up?” you ask, standing up. “is this what you meant in that interview? is this your new perspective? whatever jack. we’re over.” hearing that makes it real to jack, “what? no, come on, let me fix this.” he says, standing up to face you again. and looking into his eyes you see pieces of the man you fell in love with, but no matter how much you want to cave you know you can’t. “you can’t fix it jack.” you admit, sighing softly, “i wish i could shut this all in the hall closet and drag you back down with me but i can’t. you will always be my first everything jack and i wouldn’t trade it for the world. i think this is gonna be good for both of us, and it’s not like you’ll never see me again. we’ll figure it out eventually, we’ll just be apart while we do it.”