feed-the-roses

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my mama got home today and she was so excited. she said she got me a present, so then i was excited too. i had no idea what she got me. she said ‘close your eyes and put your hands out’, so i did. and then i felt her put something in my hands. i opened my eyes and

“i saw it and it was chubby and you called a frog ‘big boy’ last night and i had to get it! it’s big boy!”

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“Butch” means queerly masculine. That’s it. The end. It’s queer masculinity. If you are masc and queer about it, congrats, you can use butch. If you go oh no am I masc enough to use this or am I queer enough to use it my question is, “do you wanna use it?” If your answer is yes then hey welcome to the butch club. We have jackets.

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Smol Scale

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love the word “rapscallion”. like not only are you a rascal but you’re also kind of spring onion about it too

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the duplicitous and scheming radical left tricked me into eating too much rice and now my tummy hurts

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hold on sorry you're telling me the name of the boat was "the terror"?? i always assumed that was a retroactive name! did they WANT things to go horrifically awry???

obsessed with the implication that nominative determinism could have saved them

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god that adhd struggle where you are so motivated to do something but there is just like. A Blockage In Your Body that stops the motivation from turning into anything. so you just like. vibrate. sitting there like yeah, man, i totally want to do that right now. (doesn’t)

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This is the funniest tweet I’ve ever seen.

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i've decided to just start identifying as eccentric

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yeah

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idgaf if my parents are disappointed in me I'm not impressed by them either

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I love all books but sometimes you read a book and you’re like so were all 21 thousand of you blindfolded and at gun point when you rated it 5 stars

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when dogs are scary smart

over the last several months, we have been implementing a protocol to eliminate karybelle the sheltie’s barking surrounding her mealtimes. we have accomplished this by initially introducing an alternate activity during prep time (stuffed kong) and religiously giving her a time out gated in the yard if she stops that activity to bark, thus delaying her dinner until she’s quiet. this has been extremely successful; she’s gone from barking literally 100+ times during meal prep to barking 0 times, and only occasionally slips up. the behavior she has chosen to replace her meal-prep-screaming (after all, that energy has to go somewhere) is frantically - but silently - running circles around the coffee table to finally slam into a perfect down-stay as her bowl is set down.

this evening as the food was coming out, karybelle seamlessly slipped into her silent circling routine. except after a couple of reps, she abruptly changed course, yeeted herself out the dog door, barked once, and immediately jumped back in to resume her circling.

if that isn’t a demonstration of crystal clear understanding of criteria, i…don’t know what is lmao

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