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today is sandpaper and my skin is scrubbed raw
and yet it keeps on beating - this tiny heart full of love
a reminder that a brave heart is a heart that reminds itself how to love (via calderapoetry)
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This week, Bangladesh had planned to start sending Rohingya refugees back to Myanmar. Now the deal has been postponed because of logistical problems.
The refugees themselves have opposed the plan.
“They’ll kill us,” says Sonah Meah, 30. “If I go, they’ll kill me.”
Sitting on a straw mat in his shelter in the Hakimpara refugee camp, Meah says he was tortured and left for dead by the Myanmar military in August of last year. He says soldiers accused him of being part of an armed group called the Arakan Rohingya Salvation Army — a charge he denies.
The soldiers knocked several of his teeth out, he says, and repeatedly beat him unconscious. NPR can’t independently confirm his story but it is similar to the accounts of other Rohingya who say they were attacked by members of the Myanmar army.
Meah is one of the more than 650,000 Rohingya who have fled Myanmar since the military launched what it calls cleanup operations against “terrorists” five months ago.
Myanmar doesn’t consider the Rohingya to be citizens even though members of this Muslim group have lived in the country for generations. The Muslim minority are treated as illegal immigrants and have faced waves of violence and harassment by government forces, pro-government mobs and Buddhist extremists. Last fall, the United Nations denounced the attacks as a “textbook case of ethnic cleansing.”
The Refugees Who Don’t Want To Go Home … Yet
Photos: Allison Joyce for NPR
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When daddy drinks
She learns to hide
Learns to shut herself away
Learns to fear those who are bigger
Because no matter what he does
It will always be her fault
The bruises
The burns
They’re all there because she
Said something
Did something
Was something
Something that disappointed him.
When daddy drinks
She learns to lock the door
Learns not to feel
Learns to climb out windows
She craves affection
The slightest hint of kindness
A hug
A smile
An ounce of sympathy
Anyone willing to listen
Even though she knows
She doesn’t deserve it
Doesn’t deserve their love.
When daddy drinks
She learns pain is better than nothing
Learns pencil sharpeners unscrew
Learns that glass breaks
And lighters burn
Scars and blood are her reality
There’s no room for soft
Only cold
And hard
And unforgiving.
When daddy drinks
She learns she is flawed
Learns her scars are shameful
Learns her body makes her someone else
Learns to cover things up
To hide the pain
To fake perfection
To pretend to be okay
Trapped by a past
She’ll never escape.
When daddy drinks
She learns she is worthless
Learns to take the pain
To ignore the harsh words
She’ll never be comfortable
But she learns to keep her mouth
Shut
And never
Ever
Speak up.
When daddy drinks
She learns to leave
Learns to turn to others
Learns to keep secrets
She believes the wrong people
And trusts every “I love you”
Lets herself go astray
Lets him take what he wants
Even when it hurts
She never complains
Doesn’t tell
And keeps secrets for years.
When daddy drinks
She learns to ignore the names
Learns not to flinch
Learns not to cry when she falls
She won’t cry at the funeral
But she’ll let the pain consume her
Control her life
Drive her crazy
And straight back into his arms.
He’ll promise not to hurt her again
She believes his lies.
When daddy drinks
She learns to bottle it all up
Learns to escape
Learns to accept her reputation
Becomes someone she hates
Broken trust and failed dreams drive her away
But follow her everywhere she goes
A fresh start becomes the same mistakes
The same mistrust
The same isolation
Just a new city
With new secrets
And new lies.
When daddy drinks
She learns the hardest lesson
Daddy never wanted a daughter
That is the lesson of twelve years
Daddy never wanted a daughter
And he convinced her no one else ever would.
Daddy never wanted a daughter but i’m still here
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