flamingfem

[flamingfem]

Hey it’s me again

I was in a pretty good relationship for about 3 and a half months. His name is Andres. The first relationship I’ve been in since my son’s dad. First one in 7 years.

But it ended.

I was so sad.

Still a little bit.

But I’m back and better.

[flamingfem]

I’m not a victim

But

He put himself inside of me while I was blacked out and sleeping.

I didn’t even wake up to do anything because I didn’t know how to even approach it in the moment.

I passed back out.

He doesn’t know I know.

He is my coworker.

I still haven’t been able to talk about it with him

I probably never will

He keeps apologizing with no reason.

He wont admit what he did

Yet

He pretends like nothing happened.

I don’t feel like a victim,

But

It’s all really weird.

[flamingfem]

Chris

I met this guy while I was leaving the parking garage to meet up with a guy at a bar. I noticed a towing sign, so I stared at it for a good minute, and Chris looked at me and said “do you need help?” Immediately, I noticed his accent. British? Australian? Irish? Ahhhhh Irish from the UK.

I told him I noticed the towing sign, and I wasn’t sure if I could park there. I’ve been to the area before, but I’ve never parked in that garage before. Anyways, he said I can park at the parking lot right next to it. I said “could you hold that spot for me?”, and he actually did.

He gave me a lot of party favors and bought me drinks. It was great.

I ended up ditching the guy I originally went to meet; that guy didn’t give me any time of day, didn’t even offer to buy me a drink, nor did he even try to converse with me. I’ve hung out with this guy before, but this was our first time hanging alone. Keep in mind, HE asked ME to hang out. I am not going to look a fool just standing there while this guy won’t even talk to me in between turns while playing pool. Fuck that. Hellllll no

We ended up going to back to Chris’ place. He had a nice apartment. We hung out, got to know each other, and well….. broke my celibacy lmao

Kinda sucked because this guy had a smol dick, but he’s good with his tongue :) and he’s freaky :)

Anyways, I’m going to get some sushi with this guy this Thursday, soooooooooo stay tuned.

[flamingfem]

May or may not have broken my however many 9+ months of no dick.

But he was older, Irish, and gave me everything I wanted.

Just returning a favor I guess.

Butt fuckkkkkkk, I haven’t have my ass hole get tongue fucked in forEVER.

[flamingfem]

To myself- I love you.

You really have come a long way.

Besides conquering homelessness,

I have conquered some weight loss.

In the span of ~4 years, I have lost 60 pounds.

220-160 pounds

Ages 21 - now 25

Currently ~160 (I don’t own a scale, and the last time I’ve weighed myself was at Lifetime when I got a visitor pass with my friend, and I was 165 then, and I’ve lost some more weight) (age 25)

I’ve lost weight pretty healthily, steadily, and slowly. I’ve been going to the gym, eating healthier, and overall just being more active.

I’ve been on a pretty steady/ unsteady no gluten, sugar, dairy, fat, heavy starch, and no processed food diet. Not a strict diet which makes it easy though. Which I like. It doesn’t pressure me too much.

I’ve recently picked up yoga which has been awesome. Somewhat consistently going to the gym regularly.

I tbh think it may just be me finally hitting puberty irdk, but I tbh think this a lot lol

Or my birth control fixed my hormones????? I started birth control around the same time I started losing weight, but I also started working out when I started BC because I didn’t want to gain weight bc of BC like some women do.

I need to sleep more lol

But okay there’s an update on that.

[flamingfem]

Men

I haven’t paid for anything in a while

I haven’t driven myself out to go on dates with guys in a while

I love meeting all these men that are gentlemen while simultaneously maintaining my celibacy.

Had a guy take me out to Perry’s Steakhouse. Picked me up and everything in his lil Prius. I think the bill was like $250 for the 2 of us lololol yikes

I don’t pay for drinks at bars anymore. That’s for sure lol

He brings the trees

Got into So What music festival and saw Waka Flocka, Juicy J, and 2 Chains

Oh, I went to Florida again recently

Landed myself on a boat for free

Got everything for free in Florida (miami, keys)

Literally a man randomly pulled up on me while I was walking into my hostel in miami. He had a convertible Porsche. Of course I’m going to talk to him lmao. We ended up hanging out. That was cool. Super random. Movie shit lol. I felt like the shit riding in a convertible Porsche driving in Miami.

Can’t even think of more at the moment, but so much lol

No kissing. No hugging. No sex. No touching. Just pure hanging out and going on dates.

25- I love you.

To myself- I love you.

[flamingfem]

I’ve been on a pretty good celibacy streak.

I’ve been celibate for my own reason- I am worth way too much to have for only 1 night- especially if that penis has touched other people’s genitalia.

I don’t have bacterial vaginoso or an STD or anything. I’m still on birth control. I’m still horny as fuck.

I just choose to be celibate because tbh, I have not met a man that I even want to have sex with lol. I’m so picky now oahahah, but I think it’s just because I learned what I want in a man.

Also, I just haven’t met a man that fits in the categories of what I’m attracted to tbh. Idk lol I just know what I want. I don’t want to sound religious at all, but I feel like God knows exactly who I want, and He already this man out here somewhere, and we will meet.

I will not settle. I know what I want.

And the thing is, I’m okay with not having sex. I’m still using my vibrator. But I really do miss dick soooo much lol. But I’m okay tbh. I just feel so much more self appreciated.

It’s been almost a year. I would say 8-9 months? I’m not too sure lol. That’s how much I literally don’t even care lol

I want to make it clear that my libido is 110% still there.

So yeah. No boys lol, well yes boys, but I’ll make a new post about it lol

Bye

[flamingfem]

I feel like everyone hates me again

So I am back on here

Where I hope no one knows me

So get ready for a lot of feelings lol

xo

[flamingfem]

Hey no one. I’m back again.

So. I got a new job.

Mind that I got this job in my new “not ugly” life.

All of them are sooo nice to me. Every single one of them. I love it there lol

Anyways.

This man. The only guy manager there.

Mind that I have never ever messed around with an employee/ anyone I work with.

We’ve been talking and texting and hanging out after work.

We’ve been in this situationship. I have no idea what to think of it. He’s married with a kid.

We’ve been in this somewhat sub/domship. Pretty much he wants me to suck his dick all the time.

He always wants to buy me things. He wants to buy me food or treat me or whatever.

Anyways. Today. Tonight. We fucked.

It’s been pretty good and easy being with him because I knew I could never catch feelings, but fuck I feel like I kinda caught some feelings, and I feel like he might have feelings for me.

I hate it. I hate it so much. I don’t know what to do.

He says nice things to me, but I feel like he only says those things to flatter me to keep me on his dick.

I try to respect his wife (I hate that I’m even saying this phrase) by not catching feelings and constantly reminding this man that he has a wife and that it really is weird for me. It really and truly is, and i vocalize my feelings, so he definitely knows it feels weird, but we still have a good time.

All in all, we are actually really good friends. We get along, and we actually do have really good conversations. I feel like we have a similar thought process and similar thoughts in general.

But fuck. Butt fuck.

I think I’m catching feelings. I need to stop.

Go away feelings. Go awayyyyyyz.

[flamingfem]

Pretty privilege splurge. Go

I feel like over the past course of months, I lost some weight and learned how to do makeup that flatters me. My style has always been pretty good and intriguing. I am 5’7. Curvy. Now, I am “attractive”.

Anyways.

Being attractive comes with perks and downsides simultaneously.

I get really good attention from a lot of people I previously wouldn’t expect attention from before I was “attractive”. A lot of boys talk to me now. (If not, I feel like I may intimidate them 🤪. Ive been confident lately. Don’t bring me down lol)

Also, there are people who are envious. Jealous. Views you as competition because of some made up game in their head of popularity.

I am nice. I know I’m nice. I go out of my way to be nice. I use my manners, speak in a comfortable tone, and I apologize when I need to. I am nice to everyone.

Anyways. I thought I had more to say on this, but I’m sleepy lol. Soooooo gooooooo night.

[flamingfem]

Lol.

I can’t believe he hit me.

Lol.

I can’t believe I was the one that asked him if he’s okay.

Lol.

[flamingfem]

I fucked Jon yesterday. Twice. It was sooo good. I haven’t had sex in a long time. He was going to make me a pizza, but I decided to leave because Anthony woke up and started giving me attention 🥴

Why am I like this

[flamingfem]

There’s this new guy.

His name is Anthony. He’s a bouncer at a bar that Andrew and I have been going to a lot. Anthony asked for my snap on Halloween Eve when Andrew and I were waiting in line for his bar when Andrew and I were clarifying that we are not dating. Anthony said “if you’re not with him, can I get your snap?” And that’s how it began.

He said he wants to take it slow. We’ve been talking almost all day everyday. I met his friends and his roommates. He treats me really good actually. He told me he likes me, but I can’t tell if he’s wanting to take it slow because he really like likes me, or if that’s just what he says to everyone 🙄

[flamingfem]

I left Jon on read :)))))))))))) #selfcare

[flamingfem]

Idk what’s going on, but I’ve been craving soooo much attention. Like sooo much that I made a private story for the first time on snap, and I added all my boyfriends on it 😅

[flamingfem]

Aside from getting hit on all weekend and totally not knowing how to digest it all,

There was this super cute guy I saw, and Andrew told me to shoot his shot, SO I DID, and this guy thought I was cute too and he asked for my snap :))))))))) we’ve been messaging ever sinceeeeeee.

[flamingfem]

I feel like a pretty bitch.

Halloween this year was way too fun. On Friday (Halloween eve), Andrew and I matched as a bunny and a magician. Omg omg omg it was way too great.

On Halloween, I was a nurse and Andrew was a doctor. Wayyyy too fun. I told Andrew that I’m going to be a nurse and that he should match me, so he dressed up more a Grey’s Anatomy doctor, and I was a slutty nurse 😂

Andrew is just my friend (we are not dating), and we go out together looking to meet new friends/ people. Everyone always thinks we’re dating, but as soon as I say we’re not, guys come on to me soooo hard. I feel like such a pretty bitch.

There was this bouncer that was like “if you’re not with her, can I have her snap”, and I was like “wowwwww I’m not used to this” in my head lmaooooooooo. He bought me so much shots and let me in without waiting and wow I felt bad for Andrew 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Anyways, Halloween was too great this year.