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NoHoMe: A Photo Essay

Part 1

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Game Of Thrones Finale

People who liked the last season of game of thrones are like me insisting Sex and the City Two was a good movie.

Soon you’ll sober up and the hangover will set in.

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This was written after the end of Season 7.

GoT - Spoilers within

A few weeks ago I gave Game of Thrones major props for the great episode, The Spoils Of War.  The previous episode, The Queen’s Justice, was also pretty badass.  Beloved characters died, plots thickened, Jon and Dany finally met. 

I was so excited to see a show I love so much go out on a high note.  But then, the last three episodes aired and I was left thinking, WTF??? 

— Yes, there are some great nail biter moments and fun reunions in the final three episodes of season 7.  But they are shoved in there with a lot of duds and eye rollers. 

Everything seemed to happen too fast and too easy.  Characters who were once complex are now flat, or even contradictory. 

I won’t go on with ALL my observations, but here are a few major ones.  And YES these are spoilers.

Dany and Jon Snow (aka Whatever his name is Targaryen) getting it on.  This had to be the least sexy, least passionate sex scene.  It was so anti-climactic.  Pun intended.   Game of Thrones used to be known for its use of sex-position (exposition intertwined with sex scenes).  This scene had neither! 

Tyrion watches with longing and anger as Jon sneaks into Dany’s bedroom.  Tyrion’s new attraction to Daenerys comes out of left field and is so uncharacteristic.  Sure, she’s very beautiful, smart, powerful, dragon-ful.  But Tyrion has much more interesting taste.  Plus he would go after her in his funny, charming and drunk way if he was into her.  He wouldn’t be lurky and whiny.   Not only did they take away all the personality and good dialogue from Tyrion this season, they made this silly choice that just doesn’t work.

Bran’s “reveal” of Jon’s true ancestry. I’d be shocked to find out that any fan of the show hadn’t already figured this out.  They have been dropping hints since episode 1 season 1.  But let’s say some people hadn’t figured it out - couldn’t this have been told to ANYONE else??? Sansa? Arya? Jon, himself?  What a waste of a moment.

The trial and death of Littlefinger.  Another waste.  It made me regret all the time I spent wondering how this fascinating character would get his comeuppance.  Cool that it was the Stark kids that did it, but again, it happened to fast and without any nuance in the buildup.

There were numerous little things that showed weak decision-making.  One such example is when Arya and Sansa are looking upon Winterfell at the end of the episode.  After an uninspiring conversation about who is a better lady (Sansa obviously), Sansa recited the quote about “the pack surviving.”  Then the camera pulls back, showing their dark shapes against the stark white snow and rock of Winterfell.  This moment hearkened back to the original season when Ned Stark was still alive.  It was great to see these women finally reclaiming their home.  Then they ruin it with the girls both agreeing that they miss their father.  Duh! Of course they do.  Then another bookend shot is added as the camera tilts up above their heads showing the wintry background.  I just felt my heart yelling WHY???

Game of Thrones, I love you.  And I’m not gonna stop.  I’m loyal, committed and I can see the best in the ones I love.  But holy cow, please make these next six episodes perfect.  Pretty please!! 

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The REAL Oscars 2013

Do you ever look at the Oscar winners from previous years and wonder, how did they think that was the best!?!?

Like the year Oliver! won Best Picture and 2001: A Space Odyssey wasn’t even nominated.  WTF Academy?

My (genius) boyfriend had the idea that the Oscars should really be given out 5 years after the movies come out so that people have actual perspective and aren’t swept up in the promotion and hype when a movie is new.

So we decided to start a new tradition and test this theory – so I bring you The REAL Oscars: 2013 edition.

Now, a quick disclaimer note:  It turns out 2013 was actually a decent year for the Oscar voters and I don’t specifically disagree with their choices for the major awards.  12 Years a Slave is a great and important movie and I was really happy that it won.  Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey really did kill it in their roles and elevated a movie that wouldn’t have been impressive without them.  But since it was 5 years ago, we had to have a re-vote.

The REAL Oscars nominees are slightly different than the original 2013 nominees – a few of my friends and I nominated films/people for each category in order to create the list of final nominees.

Best Picture

·      Inside Llewyn Davis

·      Wolf of Wall Street

·      Short Term 12

·      Spring Breakers

·      Her – REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Nebraska

·      12 Years A Slave
 – Original Winner

  Best Director

·      Spike Jonze, Her – REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity – Original Winner

·      Edgar Wright,The World’s End

·      Martin Scorsese, The Wolf of Wall Street

·      Join-hi Bong, Snowpiercer

  Best Cinematography

This category was a little crazy – there was a 4 way tie between Gravity, Inside LLewyn Davis, Her and Spring Breakers.  

So I guess they were all really good?

Or maybe the winner is The Great Beauty since I was the only one who voted for that?

Or does gravity get the tie breaker since it’s won the actual Oscar in 2013?

You decide…..

·      Inside Llewyn Davis

·      Her

·      Gravity – Original Winner

·      Spring Breakers

·      The Great Beauty (La grande bellezza)

  Best Actor

·      Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis

·      Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club – Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Joaquin Phoenix, Her

·      Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

·      Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years A Slave

    Best Actress

·      Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine – Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Sandra Bullock, Gravity

·      Julia Louis Dreyfus, Enough Said

·      Julie Delpy, Before Midnight

·      Adèle Exarchopoulos, Blue is the Warmest Color

    Best Supporting Actress

·      Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine

·      Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

·      June Squibb, Nebraska

·      Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years A Slave   – Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

  Best Supporting Actor

·      Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club – Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Jonah Hill, The Wolf Of Wall Street

·      Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

·      James Gandolfini, Enough Said

·      James Franco, Spring Breakers – A VERY Close 2nd place and honorable mention.  Spring Break 4eva.

What would YOU vote for? I’d love to know.

And stay tuned next year for the REAL Oscars 2014 edition.

Was Birdman really the Best Picture?  Should Richard Linklater have won Best Director for Boyhood?  Finally you can make the decisions!

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a PSA for Toast

Do ever feel uncomfortably full or bloated after eating bread?  I know, me too!

Don’t you hate that?

The solution is toast.  If you TOAST the bread it does something at a chemical, cellular level to the bread that make you feel less bloated.  This is not proven science.  Or even if it is, it’s not based on any research on my part besides eating bread at varying levels of toasted and not toasted. 

Try it.  Toast.

Additional information on toast:

Toast Fucking - When you fuck or get fucked with toast.

Less bloating than eating toast.  And almost no chance of getting pregnant or an STI. 

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The REAL Oscars 2013

Do you ever look at the Oscar winners from previous years and wonder, how did they think that was the best!?!?

 Like the year Oliver! won Best Picture and 2001: A Space Odyssey wasn’t even nominated.  WTF Academy?

 My (genius) boyfriend had the idea that the Oscars should really be given out 5 years after the movies come out so that people have actual perspective and aren’t swept up in the promotion and hype when a movie is new.

 So we decided to start a new tradition and test this theory – so I bring you The REAL Oscars: 2013 edition.

 Now, a quick disclaimer note:  It turns out 2013 was actually a decent year for the Oscar voters and I don’t specifically disagree with their choices for the major awards.  12 Years a Slave is a great and important movie and I was really happy that it won.  Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey really did kill it in their roles and elevated a movie that wouldn’t have been impressive without them.  But since it was 5 years ago, we had to have a re-vote.

 The REAL Oscars nominees are slightly different than the original 2013 nominees – a few of my friends and I nominated films/people for each category in order to create the list of final nominees.

 Best Picture

·      Inside Llewyn Davis

·      Wolf of Wall Street

·      Short Term 12

·      Spring Breakers

·      Her – REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Nebraska

·      12 Years A Slave
 -- Original Winner

  Best Director

·      Spike Jonze, Her -- REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity – Original Winner

·      Edgar Wright,The World's End

·      Martin Scorsese, The Wolf of Wall Street

·      Join-hi Bong, Snowpiercer

   Best Cinematography

This category was a little crazy – there was a 4 way tie between Gravity, Inside LLewyn Davis, Her and Spring Breakers.  

So I guess they were all really good?

Or maybe the winner is The Great Beauty since I was the only one who voted for that?

Or does gravity get the tie breaker since it’s won the actual Oscar in 2013?

You decide…..

·      Inside Llewyn Davis

·      Her

·      Gravity – Original Winner

·      Spring Breakers

·      The Great Beauty (La grande bellezza)

   Best Actor

·      Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis

·      Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club -- Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Joaquin Phoenix, Her

·      Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

·      Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years A Slave

    Best Actress

·      Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine -- Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Sandra Bullock, Gravity

·      Julia Louis Dreyfus, Enough Said

·      Julie Delpy, Before Midnight

·      Adèle Exarchopoulos, Blue is the Warmest Color

   Best Supporting Actress

·      Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine

·      Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

·      June Squibb, Nebraska

·      Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years A Slave   -- Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

  Best Supporting Actor

·      Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club -- Original Winner & REAL OSCARS 2013 Winner

·      Jonah Hill, The Wolf Of Wall Street

·      Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

·      James Gandolfini, Enough Said

·      James Franco, Spring Breakers – A VERY Close 2nd place and honorable mention.  Spring Break 4eva.

What would YOU vote for? I’d love to know.

And stay tuned next year for the REAL Oscars 2014 edition.

Was Birdman really the Best Picture?  Should Richard Linklater have won Best Director for Boyhood?  Finally you can make the decisions!

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Vox Lux (2018)

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The Godfather

I’m listening to The Beastie Boys Book on Audible. It’s fantastic. It doesn’t even matter if you think you’re a Beasties fan - you will be about 3 chapters in to this book. Plus you’ll realize how they’ve touched every good part of pop culture in the last 30 years. Yes, 30+ fucking years they been at this!!

Listening to the guest chapter/essay/cookbook by Roi Choi I was reminded of a lofty dream of my childhood... well of my high school days anyway. The Godfather Blunt.

The Godfather is a fat (or phat?) blunt rolled entirely of roaches from other blunts. But not simply the roaches of other basic blunts - the roaches of other 2nd gen blunts. So this Godfather has seen some shit. This weed has already been part of not one, but TWO other blunts! And somehow these bits of weed have survived both times, to be combined into The Godfather.

I never achieved this feat. To create and save up that many 2nd gen roaches in order to roll a proper Godfather would take a lot of blunts, a lot of organization, a lot of patience. Also, with all the tobacco leaf resin combined with the weed resin you might drop dead on the spot.

I’m pretty sure the best I did was a 2nd gen blunt, or more likely a 2nd gen joint.

For all those who accomplished it, RIP The Godfather and my hats off to you.

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