fluorescent-insanities-blog

[fluorescent-insanities-blog]

I hate myself. I feel like a crazy person. Ever since I had my baby, hell, ever since I got pregnant, my emotions and thoughts have been so jumbled and discombobulated and I can't figure myself out. I feel like I'm ruining my relationships and my life. I've withdrawn from everyone and everything, and my poor partner has to bear the brunt of it. I'm so terrified he's going to realize one day that he's sick of me and he's going to just leave. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, but I feel like I've lost myself and I don't know how to find my way back. I'm so lost and alone. How do I get back to myself before I lose everything I love?

[fluorescent-insanities-blog]

My boyfriend is such a dick sometimes. Like why you gotta try to give me the baby while I'm eating and then get all pissy when I get upset cuz I'm trying to eat. Like excuse me, just give me 2 minutes to finish eating. And then when I say I can take her he gets all "it's fine, nevermind" acting like such an ass, like he's some kind of long-suffering victim. Get the fuck over yourself.

[fluorescent-insanities-blog]

Starting a new job

I'm starting a new job soon and I'm really excited. This job isn't anything I would have ever imagined myself doing 5 years ago, but I'm really happy about it.

What sucks is that I've already had a couple of people judge me for it. They think it's a downgrade. They question if I'm really going to do this job, if I actually think I'll like it, even when I assure them that yes, i will.

And then there are the people who try to tell me how I'll feel. "You're not going to like that job" or "that job is gonna be too hard for you" like excuse you, fuck off. You are not in my mind, and you don't even know me that well. Keep your unwanted opinions to yourself.

Just wish I could actually tell these people to fuck off irl

[fluorescent-insanities-blog]

Hi.

This is hard. I'm trying to start over with social media, on a platform where I can actually be myself. Nobody knows me here, and I'm glad of that. I've spent so much of my life being what everyone else expects me to be that I'm not sure who I even am anymore. So this is my venting space. This is where I'm going to actually speak my mind. Be honest. Be real.

Because I am so goddamn lonely after wearing a mask for my whole damn life. And I just want someone somewhere to know the real me. Maybe if I write it down, it'll become real.

I guess we'll see.