folina-mmxii

[folina-mmxii]

I’m Married

At 4:00pm CST on 03.13.2022, I married the love of my life. There were so many emotions leading up to that moment and there was barely a dry eye in that space.

Before 2014, this wouldn’t have been possible. Marriage equality made it possible for me to be wed to my wife. And before that, it wasn’t until 1967 that I would have been able to marry her because of our skin color. I do not want to ever take the heart and hard work of people before us for granted.

Truth is - I never thought I would finally get here and I am honored to be trusted with her love and heart.

[folina-mmxii]

08.28.2021

Well. It’s been over a year since my last update. I’m not sure where to begin. Here we go:

- Well, now I’m 6 years on T. July 15th marked that anniversary.

- I’m student body president.

- I’m engaged!

- I’m trusted with a lot of projects and with a lot of information these days.

- I’m active at the gym again.

- I just spent a summer doing an internship.

- I crashed my car, so I’m looking for a new one.

- I am also way more comfortable with myself than ever.

- I guess this is the safest place that I have now to say this but I’m mostly tired of drama. Very specifically at school.

- I’m very tired of toxic behavior and people thinking they can get away with whatever.

- My heart hurts for the world.

- I saw Fall Out Boy, Green Day and Weezer a month ago now. I’ve lost count on how many FOB shows this is now. It was risky to go but I’m glad I went.

- I have tickets for TOP soon too and I’m excited for that even though I know I shouldn’t have bought them.

I think that’s it. My vulnerable and superficial update. It is what it is.

[folina-mmxii]

07.15.2020

Today marks 5 years on T.

[folina-mmxii]

06.02.2020

I’m shocked that a particular person posted something today in reference to everything.

I continue to watch to see who the racists are in my life.

I continue to listen.

I’m sending emails to combat a message of me not being black enough and a lesson in colorism.

I found a website that is/was posting people who are dating people who aren’t of the same race.. and calling for their death. Offering bounties. I need to see if my parents are on there.

I am still angry. The last 24 hours have been literal hell. The next 24 hours will be even worse.

[folina-mmxii]

06.01.2020

It took some Christians to watch Trump use the Church and the Bible as a prop to be outraged today. That’s sad and infuriating.

[folina-mmxii]

05.30.2020

I can not focus right now. I have an endless to do list right now in which most of it has me stressed out but the reality of it all is that I can not even begin to think about the work that I need or want to do with everything going on in the world. I am torn and angry. I am angry at the death of George Floyd. I am angry at the church and my church friends for their lack of comment. I am angry at the violence shown by all sides. I have been angry all week for multiple things. I have watched my anger be funneled into things that do not even matter because I can not properly articulate how I feel. I am angry at everyone who wants my attention, but refuse to have ever chosen me. I am legit starting to pick up anger and I know I need to sort it all out and lay some of it down. It is not productive for me. Here’s my question to those who may read this today: What are you doing to speak out and protect your friends of color today? Are you checking in on them? Are you defending them? Or are you still pretty at home neglecting to say anything because you are afraid to upset the wrong people?

[folina-mmxii]

05.09.2020

`This week has been emotionally exhausting on a different level than the last four months have been. Earlier this week I became ill. I caught a viral infection of some sort that settled itself in my sinus cavity and upper chest. I was tested for Corona because so many of my symptoms lined up with what the Corona virus looked like. The results came back as negative, which was good. However, I was still out for nearly a week because I was so sick. This virus stopped me dead in my tracks and kept me out for a good while. To this moment I am still tired from it all and I feel highly medicated. I struggle right now with the need to be at my jobs and work through the duties in which I am considered essential. At the same time I am aware that something needs to change because I am starting to believe that I got sick because my stress level has lowered my immune system. I got sick because I have not taken care of myself as I should have. For the last 5 or 6 years of my life, I have acted like I am invincible. I am the type of person that runs into the danger instead of away from it. I sacrifice myself for the happiness and well being of others. This is who I am and one can not rip that away from me. To do so is to change the very core of who I am. The pandemic has also made this extremely clear. The thing is being invincible means that you walk some of this life alone. Sometimes the well being of others means you can not be near them and that is rough to swallow. I have had to stay away from people I love in this time because of my fear that I will pass along the Corona Virus if I did indeed have it. One of my co-workers served me communion on Sunday because we have been somewhat lax with each other. I saw my parents two days before I got sick. I have gone straight home after work. As much as I crave human contact, I have stayed away from it. I am afraid of infecting others since I am essential. When I got sick this week this is what broke me. Not whether or not I had COVID-19 but if I gave it to my co-worker who I see as a Mother figure in my life. Whether or not I gave it to my parents when I took them clorox wipes and masks, who in turn are the only ones taking care of my grandmother now. If maybe I gave it to anybody else. My fear was here right in my face and there was nothing I could do. Nothing at all. Negative results don’t take this fear away. Truth is, I do not want to be touched by anybody. I do not want to touch anyone. I flinch when others are close and I stand away. I find myself frustrated with those who don’t social distance even though I know people have a need to be near others in this time. I don’t blame them. I am still all in. Even with this fear I will still run into the fire in the ways that I can. But as with everything, there are side effects. Side effects and realities that one must face. What I must decide now though is how much am I going to allow my invincibility to hurt those around me. Those who care about me. I was told by someone who cares about me this week that this was a warning sign. That if I don’t start taking care of myself now, there will be no later. That I am essentially killing myself right now. Running myself into the ground.

[folina-mmxii]

05.05.2020

Systematic and tested for COVID-19 today.

Quarantined until further notice.

[folina-mmxii]

04.29.2020

6 years ago today I legally changed my name to Aiden. It’s amazing how much has changed in that time. Including the growth of a kick ass quarantine beard.

It’s hard to believe my name was ever something different. And at times my name is misspelled and just plain said wrong. But it’s a name that represents me, and that’s beautiful.

[folina-mmxii]

04.27.2020

Today it was announced that I am the Middler Senator at school for next year.

[folina-mmxii]

04.15.2020

I’ve been asked to run for and been nominated for class senator for next year and I have classmates already trying to bid for me to be Student Body President in 2022. That’s wild and exciting.

Oh, and there are conversations about bringing back my mission trip in May.

But do I have to time and threshold to do it? No.

I swear God is currently out to kill me.

[folina-mmxii]

04.02.2020

The world is a mess right now. I’m stating the obvious right?

Gee. I don’t even know where to begin...

I have several friends, who I have not been in physical contact with, who have presumptive positive of COVID-19. However, they can not get tested because of a slew of “reasons”.

I have friends who have relatives with the virus and are on the verge of dying right now.

One of the faith communities I serve has already experienced a death due to COVID-19. A “perfectly healthy man” at that.

The mission trip I have been planning since July has been cancelled because it falls in the eight week time frame of gatherings of 10 or more. Which honestly is heartbreaking on a few levels. Yeah, it’s no surprise that it was canceled.. everything has been cancelled at this point. However, my mourning for this cancellation is no lesser or greater than anybody else’s mourning of their events, like graduation, birthdays, funerals, baby showers, weddings and so on.

This news comes on the heels of me having to cancel my trip to Big Bend and my annual bluebonnets adventure with one of my best friends. Which also cancels all of my creative projects I had going on in association with it.

Then the news of my two and a half week France trip was cancelled because the Camino itself was closed in both France and Spain. Which cool, I have money sitting in my seminary account now.

Like many others, I am now doing classes online.

Both of my part time jobs are now full time jobs. Meaning I’m working anywhere from 70-80 hours a week. Sparing myself for naps every now and again. However, I am beyond grateful that I am still employed in this time. I just never would have thought I would have been considered “essential personal”. At two places at that.

I have friends and family afraid for my well being. It’s been suggested that I draft up my will because of my exposure rate. It’s heart breaking to have conversations with my ex fiancé about her being afraid of loosing me to this virus.

Some of this stuff is heavier than others. Some of it is trival. But it’s all real, and all things I’m struggling with over the last couple of weeks.

[folina-mmxii]

04.01.2020

This pandemic has shown me who my true friends are and who are just here for the clout. It’s also funny who tries to walk back into ones life when the “world is ending”.

[folina-mmxii]

03.01.2020

I learned recently that my anatomy has grown so much that I can actually penetrate someone. Yup. Marinate on that. Let it sink in. Yup.

So, almost 5 years on testosterone and that’s what I have learned about myself and it is absolutely one of the best feelings in the world.

I’m sure that’s too much information for some people but that’s a huge win for me and I’m still not sure what to think about it other than how affirming it is.

[folina-mmxii]

02.26.2020

Today is Ash Wednesday and today is hard. How do I operate in the lack of control that I have today from a theological standpoint and how all of these religious practices come into play? Maybe I will have that answer soon. Maybe not.

For lent this year, I am fasting every day from sun up to sun down to practice fasting from a spiritual standpoint.

I also did early voting today. Which felt fitting for today.

I’m over people texting me about people and their Facebook posts. I don’t want to hear it. I have other concerns to take help take care of. Again, everything is out of my control. Maybe lent this year will be able the balance of control for me.

[folina-mmxii]

02.25.2020

Well, I didn’t expect to hit in the chest twice today with a baseball bat.

[folina-mmxii]

When you forget your workout shoes and you still work out because you would feel like crap otherwise.