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Haven’t posted in a bit but I’m thinking about the concept of Angel/Dru/Darla in this verse and how that would pan out lmao.

The brain goes places while reading the fic of others.

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...“I love you.”

That just caused him to smile at her in this soft way that Buffy though was only reserved for her, “I love you too pet. With all my undead heart.”

It was hard for her to believe that this was her life, “I know.” Kissed him one more time before rolling off him, “The crazy part is how much.”

Denial was a thing of the past. This was her here and her now. It felt solid. Or as solid as it could be with the life that she lived. Things were fleeting with her. A whole shipyard. A navy of fleeting things. For now, and for as long as it lasted - she wanted Spike to be her harbor. And god, wasn’t that cheesy? Too cheesy, “What can I do to help take your mind off the thorns in your side?” He asked her, “Beyond the obvious of course.”

“Drinks and an awful B movie.” She answered him.

“Yeah?”

She nodded. Buffy had rituals with all her boyfriends and all of them had been different. With Spike it was fighting and sex, but also bad movies and drinks and him reading her stories he had grown up with. Some she had as well. Parts of it were traditional, but there were parts of it that were not. And maybe that was what she had needed all along, some strange middle ground, “Ask me again.” She told him, “Ask me again why I’ll always love you.”

“Why do you love me?”

There was the aw in his eyes again, “Because something this good could never be wrong.”

And nothing felt more like the truth to her in that moment.

+ Buffy/Spike “Seeing Red” - Season 6, Episode 19  (Recontextualizing Seeing Red Through Dialogue, Forward Without Seeing Verse New Scene)

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Staring work on a new set today (I never really leave it seems lol). Going to be Spike/Buffy focused and based on a moment that I’ve re-worked into a new scene. 

You can take a crack at what episode/what scene the moment is replacing if you want.

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God today I thought - maybe I should make an image set about my AU version of “Empty Places” where Dawn goes HAM on the Potential Slayers (and Faith) and defends her sister (Rona tries to help her almost gf and fails, but at least she tries!) and it doesn’t end up changing much, but at least Dawn gets to stand up for Buffy and their bond gets to be rock solid as HELL. Because gosh the sisters deserve.

Turned out I already had!

Right Here

lmao.

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As I continue to read the things that came out about Joss I think about this fic a lot and how so much of it I think, was me reckoning with the parts of Buffy that I loved (that Joss wrote/created) and the part of it that I hated (that Joss also wrote/created) and I feel like reflected the worst of him, and the terrible person that he actually was under the guise of who he claimed to be.

I about how that’s why so much of it still keeps to canon, while so much of it also deviates from a very personal character focused point of view. There are bi characters in my story! Rona gets to be a decent potential slayer and not just angry all the time. There’s a lot more, and those are just minor examples. As it relates to larger examples, I think a lot about Xander too, and how Joss saw him as a sort of mirror to himself, and the story I wrote for him where he goes to LA instead of Cordelia. A story that mostly goes unseen because so much of this story is a love letter to Cordelia (even if she’s not the main character) and helping her deal with her trauma after the Jasmine story line (which I still included) because that healing was something she deserved to go through. Because women deserve to heal from their trauma. Especially in media. And especially because in real life not everyone gets to. I want to give women happy endings.

There’s a reason that the last two really important scenes in the story - the one I wrote for Chosen, and the one I wrote for the second Epilogue have a great deal to do with her. She gets the last line in Chosen of “Yeah, Buffy. What are we going to do now?” instead of Dawn. That was deliberate. And then in the very last scene she shares a moment with Xander who is not the Xander who Joss created. Not really. This Xander is a half demon. He’s best friends with Darla (who ultimately wins the prize to become human after finding her own redemption) and Angel. He spent a lot of time unlearning that he couldn’t always count on Buffy and that he had to be his own person, away from his overt obsessions with his very specifically female friends. He even still marries Anya after she was the one who ran away because she had cold feet and not him. Cordelia meanwhile is still mostly herself. She’s a well studied Watcher who has spent a long time honing her craft to the point where her knowledge sometimes outshines Giles - but she’s still Cordelia. Still sarcastic, and lovely, and amazing, and willing to fight for her friends (in this case Buffy and Willow) even when it’s hard. Xander is the one who had to change. But I don’t know if Joss ever will, nor do I have faith in him to do so. And I don’t think I will ever forgive him either (It’s not my forgiveness to even give).

I’ll leave you with a scene I wrote for Season 7 between Cordelia and Riley (the pair of who ended up dating, and who became the parents of Jasmine in this universe) after Cordelia has come back because I love Cordelia in this moment so so much:

He laughed at that, and it was rich and beautiful and it warmed Cordelia’s heart to know that he could laugh. That both of them were whole enough again that they could laugh. That they could find joy in the small things even as the apocalypse raged on behind them, “We kind of fell apart without you.”

“Of course you did.” But then more seriously she said, “I’m glad you’re okay. When I left I had to think of me. There wasn’t any other person that I could think of, that’s how bad the pain was. But when everything made sense again all I could think about was you. I wasn’t the only one who lost something that day. We both suffered. It wasn’t Cordelia who decided to kill our daughter. I don’t know what I would have done if I was in your position.”

She had talked about Jasmine to people - because how could she not - so it didn’t hurt as much to talk about it now, but this was the first time she and Riley had really discussed it. Properly. He had tried after everything, but Cordelia had been in too much pain to discuss it. Now though, now it was okay, “Cord -”

She smiled at him, “I’m glad. That you’ve found happiness with someone else. I mean it sucks that it’s not me. But you deserved to move on. We needed to figure ourselves out, and I guess that meant that we figured ourselves out alone. And I hate to say this because I’m amazing already, but I think we’ve become stronger for it. Strong enough that this big evil guy? We’re going to kick it’s ass and show those lame monster’s that they messed with the wrong town. Because big evils don’t get to leave Sunnydale without a proper ass-kicking.”

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Things I think abt re: Story post Forward Without Seeing -

AU but still mostly the same post AtS Season 5 Wesley (who survived) seeing very AU Cordelia from my fic, who is now basically a watcher, and watching her tear into some asshole who doesn’t know demons at all - in the way that only Cordelia can and getting very turned on all over again despite how terribly things went between them last time VERSUS Cordelia turning around to see that Wesley has gotten very rugged and is far from the man she last saw in Sunnydale and also getting very turned on ...

FIGHT

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Special Thanksgiving shout to Buffy the Vampire Slayer which I discovered on Thanksgiving day so many years ago, and which upon it’s discovery, changed my life. It changed the way I viewed tv, and eventually lead to me writing what I consider one of the best fanfics I’ve ever written (even if it’s not popular by a long shot).

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“Maybe we need a vote... to see who wants Faith to have a turn in charge.” Kennedy said agreeing with the potential who spoke before.

“No.” Dawn said.

“Maybe we should.” Buffy eventually spoke - voice soft.

Dawn turned on her, “No. They don’t get to decided that. They don’t get to do this to you. This is our home. You’re the best one to lead us. I know you are. You’ve proven that so many times Buffy. I was there on that tower with you. You didn't know this was a popularity contest -”

“It ain’t about popularity.” Faith said.

And maybe Faith was right. Maybe she really had failed as a leader. Maybe it was time she gave up. Found a hovel and let the end come, when it came. She was spent. Dawn turned to glare at Faith, “You're just enjoying this, aren't you?”

“You have no idea what I'm feeling.” Faith told her.

“You come in here - try to take everything from Buffy. Like you’re not some stranger. Did you tell them how you used to kill people for fun? Almost got me killed tonight too!”

Buffy stepped forward to touch Dawn’s arm, “Dawn that’s enough.” When Dawn turned to look at her, Buffy could see that her sister was on the verge of crying face just slightly flushed red, and the sight of her sister near tears just made everything so much worse.

“I didn't come here to take anything away from your sister, but I'm not gonna be her little lapdog, either. I came here to beat the other guy, to do right, however it works. I don't know if I can lead. But the real question is...can she follow?”

Buffy didn’t think that she could.

+ Buffy, Dawn, Faith (Others) “Empty Places” - Season 7, Episode 19 (Dawn and Rona Defend Buffy, Forward Without Seeing Verse Updated Scene)

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Don’t know if anyone will read this or reply but which would you prefer?

Darla/Angel

or

Dawn and Buffy sister stuff

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Thoughts on Drusilla/The Fanged Four

Sometimes I wonder if Drusilla would ever redeem in this verse since Spike and Angel have souls, and Darla is human as the proud winner of the Shanshu Prophecy. Does she stay evil because one person in their family has to just for the drama of it all, or does she eventually show up in L.A. to cause chaos and upon discovering her family sort of gets along again (hell Darla and Angel are back together even) - decide in her Drusilla brain - you know what this is good. Family is good. Which is more interesting?

As a writer it might be number one for the angst potential alone. But as a person who loves cool turnabouts I love the idea of the The Fanged Four coming together as family again under wildly different circumstances and finding harmony again. Being able to coexist again. Even if it didn’t happen in the way that any of them would have expected.

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“Of course we help Buffy!” Cordelia chipped in, “I do a lot of research. If Buffy needs to know what she’s up against you can bet I can find it for her.”

“So she needs help with research and slaying demons.” The woman wrote down more notes in her book, “And your knowledge, it does call into question just how necessary Giles is as her Watcher.”

Next to him Riley could see Cordelia’s hands turn into fists as she became very frustrated with the woman across from them. He reached out to touch her arm but she yanked it away from him and stood up to glare at their interviewer, notebook still clutched in one hand, “Listen here you. The Demonomicon is a hard book to understand. It has twelve appendixes, and over forty chapters. Which doesn't even mention the fact that sometimes you need a secondary text to even read some of it, considering that more than fifteen of those chapters are in other demonic languages. And that’s just one book. The Mystics and Magic collection that I just asked you about a few seconds ago? Sixteen volumes. Sixteen. Sure they aren’t the page monolith that The Demonomicon is - but god - it’s like you expect Buffy to be able to do everything. Can you do everything? How many vampires have you killed with your dainty hands?”

When she was done Cordelia sat back down, a scowl on her face.

The way the woman’s face went sheet white told Riley that she had not expected Cordelia’s outburst and honestly, even though he had tried to stop it - Riley was very proud of his girlfriend. No one could put someone in their place for good or ill, as Cordelia could. The woman they were talking to deserved it for how she had been talking about Buffy, “Very nice.”

+ Cordelia (and some Riley) “Checkpoint” - Season 5, Episode 12 (“Cordelia Hits Back With her Watcher Training”, Forward Without Seeing Verse new Scene)

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...“That’s not what I meant.” Dawn said.

And yes, Buffy knew that - but she didn’t know what else to say. How could she bridge this horrible topic? She had let Dawn down by not being there to protect her. She had let Sunnydale down by giving into Jasmine so easily. And she was letting her friends down right now by wallowing in her misery; but it was so hard to climb out of that hole. Buffy had tried so hard to find joy in life after Heaven and when she had finally found it, it had been a lie. An illusion crafted by a woman who wanted to tear the world apart. What little healing she had gone through wasted, as she dealt with the same goddamn thing all over again. However her mind nagged at her - she wasn’t alone this time. Dawn had gone through the same thing, her friends too were going through this right along with her. And somehow Dawn had found a way to be strong. Somehow Dawn - like Buffy, had survived, “I know that’s not what you meant. Dawnie I -”

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

Dawn’s complete understanding made the next words so much easier, so much simpler to say, “I was in Heaven.” The words spilled out from her like a dam finally burst.

“We were all in heaven Buffy. The way Jasmine made you feel, it was as if all your troubles faded away.”

Buffy shook her head, that wasn’t what she had meant and she knew somewhere deep down Dawn knew it, “No. I mean before. When I was gone. I was in Heaven. And then I was here. And everything felt like hell.”

Almost instantly Dawn was on the bed, crawling over to wrap her arms around her sister. And God, Buffy hadn’t known she had needed this - had needed this understanding and strength from her sister until it was happening.

+ Buffy and Dawn “The Magic Bullet/The Key” - Season 6, Episode 08 (“Buffy admits to being in Heaven”, Forward Without Seeing Verse rework of the Jasmine arc from Angel the Series)

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Notes on writing Post Vampire for a Second Time, Post Soul, Now Human Darla:

Often Snarky with a good Heart

Loves the concept of humanity but not humans

Cares mostly just for her family, Is the only one able to call Angel “Angelus” or “Liam” or “My Boy” and get away with it

Is terribly possessive of those she sees as “hers” aka Angel, Xander, and Connor.

Would die to save the world

Loves poking fun at all the baby slayers

Is hyper aware of the fact that her time with Connor keeps on getting interrupted, is very much of the mind that her son can do little wrong (even when he does), Connor absolutely exploits this

Sometimes misses being a vampire but loves the sun

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Forward Without Seeing Verse Presents: Hell’s Bells (Part Three/Finale)

Set Post Forward Without Seeing BtVS S7 and AtS S5: Anya and Xander are getting married -

Will Anya’s cold feet get in the way? Will Buffy and Spike find proper alone time? Will Angel get some peace and quiet? Will Dawn save the day? And more importantly, will true love win out?

This Chapter: Dawn uses her Key Powers, Buffy finds the missing Anya and they talk, Demons are fought, and a wedding reaches its conclusion.

Three/Finale

One || Two

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Forward Without Seeing Verse Presents: Hell’s Bells (Part Two)

Set Post Forward Without Seeing BtVS S7 and AtS S5: Anya and Xander are getting married -

Will Anya’s cold feet get in the way? Will Buffy and Spike find proper alone time? Will Angel get some peace and quiet? Will Dawn save the day? And more importantly, will true love win out?

This Chapter: Darla is Darla, Buffy and Spike attempt to have some us time, and Anya receives a warning.

Part Two

Part One

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Forward Without Seeing Verse Presents: Hell’s Bells.

Set Post Forward Without Seeing BtVS S7 and AtS S5: Anya and Xander are getting married -

Will Anya's cold feet get in the way? Will Buffy and Spike find proper alone time? Will Angel get some peace and quiet? Will Dawn save the day? And more importantly, will true love win out?

Read to Find Out

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Me: I’m done with this fic.

Also me almost a year later: But what if?