fosterstransition

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Thought I’d pop back on tumblr for a quick sec to post this body comparison bc wow, when did this happen?

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March 2016 (4 months on T), March 2019 (3 yrs, 4 months on T)

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I visit this blog less and less frequently as the years go on - a big reason for that is that I don’t feel ‘in transition’ anymore. I no longer experiences changes, but instead feel like my body and the features that testosterone produced are naturally progressing with age.

I’ve reached a point where I’m fairly comfortable with my body, my face, my chest etc. I feel more & more comfortable exploring my feminine side and my non-binary identity. I only wish I could go back and tell my past self not to worry so much, and to reassure them that one day it will all fall into place, even if sometimes it feels like it never will.

However, even though those days have passed, I do still experience dysphoria from time to time - which is why comparisons like this can still be so rewarding. I think what I struggle with most now is not being (as) visibly queer, and being perceived as a straight male. I always suspected this would happen because I’ve always felt genderless rather than a man (one of the reasons I doubted myself so much before starting T), and don’t get me wrong, testosterone was 100% right for me, but navigating this has been challenging none-the-less. Dressing in a way that makes me most comfortable, and most visibly queer, is not always possible for me due to safety - which means I often still feel a disconnect between the way that I’m perceived and treated compared to the way I feel. Still, this isn’t nearly as bad as it was before starting HRT.

For the most part, my life is great now. I moved states, I adopted a rescue dog, and I live with my amazing partner of 2ish years. I’ve continue to excel and surprise myself at uni, and I work around people who love and accept me. My mental health is rocky, but when I remind myself that I’m living the life I used to day-dream about, it feels so good.

So here’s just a little update to remind myself & whoever else that needs to hear it; transitioning (and healing) isn’t linear, but one day you’re going to be able to reflect and realise that somewhere along the line, you got where you needed to be.

2019 —> 2013

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day 1 versus day ???? i stopped counting after abt 2 years, but still grateful every day to have access to such a powerful n life saving hormone 🐛🦋

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i almost forgot - yesterday was 3 years since my first shot of T (which also happened to land on shot day). I remember keeping track of the days and months since starting T so vigilantly at the beginning, but it’s nice to reach a place where that is no longer at the forefront of my mind - I don’t feel “in transition” anymore, instead just living. Very grateful that HRT has been accessible to me & that I’ve been lucky enough to have (extremely) supportive friends & family. I used to feel that I needed to hide my trans/nb identity with new people in order to have my gender taken seriously (and that is still sometimes the case), but now i often prefer people know - on my terms - because it helps others to understand the context of my life and experiences (and it means i can cancel those ppl who have a problem with it, instead of wasting my energy). I’m glad the past 3 years have brought me to this place of peace and comfort with the fact that I am not cis, and that I’ve had the opportunity to unlearn a lot of my internalised transphobia. Anyway, here’s me today (3 yrs on T) >> 2 yrs on T >> 1 yr >> 6 months >> 1 day >> pre T >> and babby fos.

Bonus comparison of my T related acne (today vs. 1 yr on T) bc getting acne was one of my biggest fears before starting T, so naturally I had to get a pretty bad case of it. I used to hide that side of my face in photos because I was so ashamed of it - but I think the experience helped me learn a lot about myself and my ideas of beauty. If you’re struggling with this sort of thing too, I’m here 💓

Thank u for listening!!

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no matter how hard i try to actively embrace and love my body for what it is & how it supports me, dysphoria still manages to hit hard sometimes. when I’m struggling I tend to put photos like these together to remind myself of how much growth i’m capable of, even if it often doesn’t feel that way. so, i wanna post this comparison not only to help uplift myself but to remind others who might be feeling similar, that our bodies are amazing and durable and capable of so much. if nothing else right now, I appreciate it carrying me thru this crazy journey

(1 day on T —> 34 months on T)

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body comparison - Aug 2017 (21 months on T) to Oct 2018 (34 months on T)

Been having a bit of a bad time with my body recently so throwing some comparisons together to remind myself of my growth

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ur amazing and i appreciate ur advice a lot 💖

how do y’all get over ur hip dysphoria?¿ asking for a friend

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how do y’all get over ur hip dysphoria?¿ asking for a friend

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🔆

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feelin fresh

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1 yr apart & the shortest I’ve ever been brave enough to cut my hair

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trying to put some time aside to look after this ol flesh sac, watch me forget abt it again in 3 days

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Do you have instagram?

i sure do - it’s @fosterskewis

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ask me questions???

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look how we’ve grown together 😍 I love this person so god damn much

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I’ll be 3 years on t soonish