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Jennifer’s Body (2009) dir. Karyn Kusama

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may everyone with a heavy heart feel light again

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[freakintastic]

“I TOOK CARE OF MYSELF and it wasn’t beautiful. I took care of myself and looked at the overdue bills in the face, even though it hurt. I took care of myself and cried ugly through the therapy session; made another appointment for next week. I put in the work and wrote all the bad memories in detail. I apologized to all the friends I didn’t have the energy to talk to. I finally cut off all my dead ends and bought produce; slimly avoided sustaining myself on barbecue chips and poetry. I recycled. I set an alarm for 8 hours of sleep and did not sleep more or less. I took care of myself and it wasn’t bubble baths. It wasn’t lotion at Bath and Bodyworks and three-cheese pizza. It was uncomfortable. It wasn’t beautiful, but I am, and it didn’t have to be beautiful to be worth it.”

— Schuyler Peck, The Greatest Act of Self-Love Isn’t Always Pretty

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anyway. i think everything is secretly at least one of the following:

(a) a ritual

(b) a resurrection

(c) a haunting

(d) an apotheosis

(e) fate

(f) a labyrinth

(g) a funeral

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some people were asking for a actual and i can never pass up an opportunity to procrastinate so here’s just a couple of things i always need to remind myself of…now back to my paper :(

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[me to me] shut up i’m thinking

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this is how I do it. re-parenting yourself is a very good recovery strategy

A lot of people with childhood trauma (and, from my experience, especially attachment trauma) find themselves yearning for a parent figure. A mother, a savior - someone to hold you and love you in all the ways you needed when you were a child. Someone to hold you while you break into a million pieces.

At some point in recovery/therapy you will have to face the harsh reality: there will never be anyone. Not like that, not anymore. And mourning that? That’s too much, that feels like a pain that cannot be survived. A pain that will swallow you whole, a pain that will drown you.

Therapists can offer a lot of support, but not like that. So maybe you want to switch therapists in hopes of finding someone who can (even though, if they are a good therapist, they can’t), or you would rather be without therapists because then at least they won’t have to suffer the pain of “someone’s here but they’re not enough”. 

Getting a little support, a little of everything we missed, a little of everything we want… Getting a little is worse, in some ways. Because getting a little bit activates the pain; it triggers the feelings of what we miss. Dripping a couple drops of water in an empty bucket makes you feel how devastatingly empty that bucket is.

Getting nothing and being absolutely alone is dull. It’s a drag of depression and darkness. But getting a little bit but not everything? That’s sharp and flashing pain, it’s dry heaving from the heavy crying. It’s intrusive thoughts and self-destructive thoughts. It’s breaking apart again and again and again.

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I hate it (5 stars)

I love the MCU universe AND everything here makes perfect sense.

I’m curious what do you have against the MCU?

completely took over an industry that was already restricted by nepotism and wealth and privilege and made it even harder for any new or creative or diverse ideas to be made and convinced millions of people that having lots of cgi is good cinema so now everything is so polished and shiny and ugly and soulless but still has this unearned cult of worship surrounding it so NOBODY can dare point out the military propaganda or bare minimum diversity or frankly bland filmmaking because if you do you’re just a loser and it doesn’t matter if you’re a movie lover who just wants new and different content or martin scorcese because marvel has completely taken over cinema and criticism is not allowed because how DARE people not give a shit about iron man or loki and there’s no need for decent characterisation or complex themes because it’s easier to just make villains that are like “capitalism is bad…and also MURDERING CHILDREN IS OKAY!!!” so you can put out your sloppy storylines and make people think it’s the morally righteous thing to do to pay money to watch every single one of your sequels and spin offs and reboots and whenever people start to complain about how the film and tv industry is becoming a husk of repetition you just shove benedict cumberbatch in the next spiderman movie or whatever because how can people be mad that we’re making sure we’re slowing sucking life out of the moving image when we’re doing such fun crossovers? and of course all these crossovers are SO important so you have to watch all fifty movies and twenty shows and thirty spinoffs to understand anything else in our universe and you’re damn sure we’re going to be releasing the next thing as soon as the other is out of theatres or is out of episodes because we CANNOT have people straying and finding media that isn’t owned by us at least not until our parent company has bought out that media as well because absolutely everything has to be disney and WE’RE the powerhouse right now and you are never going to escape it and if you want your work to get any kind of support or funding then you better hope you’re lucky, know someone rich or with connections, or it features captain america because otherwise you can get fucked but don’t worry sometimes we have movies abpout women too so we’re actually a #girlboss cinematic universe and if you don’t like the stuff we make then you HATE WOMEN and you HATE CINEMA and you HATE PEOPLE BEING HAPPY and originality and creativity is a myth and you’re either with us or against us but if you’re not with us prepare to find us following you all the fucking time anyway because you are NOT allowed to have interests outside of the MCU we are everywhere and either you will watch spiderloki 58: captain marvel: the revenge of environmentalists or we will fucking kill you ourselves

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