fuckedupcleric - Tumblr blog

[fuckedupcleric]

this is my apology for not posting

[fuckedupcleric]

Любимыш 🐢💜

[fuckedupcleric]

[fuckedupcleric]

All masked up

[fuckedupcleric]

This sadness that I carry in my chest. It's so heavy. And people tell me to just put it down, but I can't. I don't know how.

I don't know how.

I'm tired. No matter how much I sleep, I'm tired. My hobbies only feel like distractions. Socializing, even with people I want to talk to, is exhausting, but isolation is so much worse. Nothing I do ever feels good enough. Nothing about me feels good. There's no winning. There's no reprieve. I can't escape the bone-deep hatred that lives inside of me. It hurts. All the time, even when I'm smiling, even when I'm laughing, it hurts, how much I hate myself. And again, people tell me to let that go, but I don't know how.

I want to feel better. I want to be better. I'm sorry. All the time, in every moment of my life, I'm sorry. If I'm not being useful, then I'm being a burden. If people don't enthusiastically want me there, then I should go. If I can't think of the right thing to say, then I should say nothing at all.

I should say nothing at all.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel normal again.

(Maybe. It's been months of Maybe. Years of This Will Pass. I'm tired. I'm tired, and it hurts, and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.)

[fuckedupcleric]

the one and only raphael

[fuckedupcleric]

Psst, slime rancher x RotTMNT????

yeah

[fuckedupcleric]

named this file "donnie hugs smile emoji" i might just cry 😭😭😭

anyways im getting the hang of drawing raph i think :) he's just a big version of a little guy

[fuckedupcleric]

[fuckedupcleric]

Sometimes someone says something that makes you realize just how differently they view the world. Wow.

[fuckedupcleric]

Art Commission for @kathaynesart !

Thank you so much for your order!!! 🥹🙏💖

I admit it was fun to draw~~

[fuckedupcleric]

I have a special soft spot for AUs where Patton has depression, AUs where Patton has had a hard life, AUs where Patton has been stepped on, talked over, and rejected. Not necessarily with Patton using his softness and jokes and laughter as a cover, but more… Patton choosing to be soft anyway. Patton choosing the compassionate decision again and again and again, no matter how many times it backfires or is taken advantage of. 

I just. Really love the idea of Patton’s softness being a choice. I love the idea of Patton being that flower growing in the crack in the cement. 

[fuckedupcleric]

see writing is funny because sometimes you have to google things like “can the human body survive with every rib broken” and other times you have to google things like “is there an ikea in manhattan???”

[fuckedupcleric]

[fuckedupcleric]

[fuckedupcleric]

Slight Eyestrain‼️

Alt versions below :) (and zoom for quality)

This was made in reference to this post I made! Leo needs a giant anime sword to swing around and no one can tell me otherwise.

[fuckedupcleric]

very short disaster twins drabble for @liketheletter-l

[]

“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”

Donnie didn’t look up from what he was doing, typing on his laptop at top speed. “Why would you be a worm?”

“Stop asking for specifics and answer the question.” Leo was sitting on the floor next to his bed. He’d shown up and refused to leave, even though it was four AM.

“I’m busy, Nardo.” Donnie said, rolling his eyes.

Leo pulled his knees closer to his chest. He didn’t look over at Donnie on the bed. “Come on, it’s an easy hypothetical meme dude, just answer the question.”

“Would I still love you if you were a worm?” Donnie repeated, incredulous. “What kind of meme is that?”

“Nevermind.” Leo squished his cheek as he turned his head away, oddly sad about it. “It presumes you love me right now, I guess.”

The room echoed with the sound of his laptop snapping shut. Donnie tossed it out the bed with a little bounce and joined his twin on the floor.

“Why are we being stupid down here?” Donnie asked, and wove his arm around Leo’s shoulders. He was cold, just in a sleep shirt and shorts. There were so many blankets for him to steal, why was he sitting on the ground?

“I’m not.” Leo protested, pathetically, still not looking his way.

“I would still love you if you were a worm.” Donnie replied, firm and unyielding. “I would put all of my effort into reversing whatever ridiculous situation turned you into a worm, and if I could not, then I would turn into a worm as well. And we’d be worms together.”

A hazy beat of 4AM silence. Leo turned his head to Donnie with shining, nearly teary eyes, and said in a wobbly voice, “We’d be worms together?”

“Yes, L.” Donnie tucked Leo’s head under his chin and ignored the dampness immediately on the collar of his shirt.