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𝖕𝖊𝖑𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖎
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quote from alice notley // open water by caleb azumah nelson // georgia o'Keeffe's letter to russel vernon hunter //sara teasdale's poem, the crystal gazer // all too well - taylor swift // sylvia plath // little life by hanya yanagihara //memory for forgetfulness by mahmoud darwish, translated by Ibrahim Muhawi
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pls... five more minutes...
(image description in alt text)
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Trauma makes me very scared to be seen and I don't fight or flight, I freeze and then disassociate in the moment when something triggers a flash back of those horrible moments. And then I freak out. And I'm just tired of it I don't want to worry about my safety in the world anymore. I want to blindly trust and be free of these chains. I want time to be reversed. Being like this makes good men feel like they're not good men. Being like this makes good women feel not good enough, broken, damaged.
We must fight everyday, a war inside our head that no one understands. Until we meet someone who does understand. Then we fight to not ruin it because it is such a precious gift, to find someone who knows and understands the darkness inside you that you did not put there. But due to that darkness, sometimes you do hurt each other, in ways neither of you intended nor could have predicted. This is the kind of pain that often leaves one utterly broken and alone in the world.
The repeated attempts at normalcy when one is not normal. The repeated attempts to just fit in and look like all the others when we might as well be wearing a bright red A on our clothes. What the world does not understand about trauma is it cannot be controlled by any medication or drug and it runs much deeper than one isolated incident. That one isolated incident often leads to a trail of darkness that somehow burns everything in its path.
Just shut up and love people for who they are and stop trying to fit others in your box. It is your box, just set it next to theirs. Basic science: two objects cannot occupy the exact same space at the exact same time. We are meant to be different, so stop causing trauma by trying to make people be like you.
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“You sometimes think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.”
— Kid Cudi
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Stop accepting things you’re really not ok with. You are draining yourself.
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yeah i’m ok! i’m totally ok i just (takes a deep breath) (starts screaming)
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