gender-nor-blog

[gender-nor-blog]

Turn your gay thoughts into gay realities

[gender-nor-blog]

Flexibility and Strength Training

STRETCHES Dislocates Cat camels Shrugs Arm circles Full body circles Front leg swings Side leg swings IT band stretch Side leg squats Wrist mobility BODYLINE WORK Plank Left side plank Right side plank Reverse plank Hollow hold SKILL WORK Tricep dip hold STRENGTH Push ups Crunches Deep step up Tricep dips Grip training

[gender-nor-blog]

Sleep habits

There's a lot of things I'm attributing to placebo effect right now. However I do think my sleep habits have changed for real, possibly due to hormones. The past few nights, I've been falling right to sleep and then snoozing like a rock. The weirdest part is that I wake up a few minutes before my alarm. That's never happened to me before. It's like my body just somehow knows.

[gender-nor-blog]

Bus rides

I remember as a preteen feeling very confused about why my legs and hips were getting wider instead of long and stickly like all my guy friends who I went skateboarding with. It was so bizarre. I would sit on the bus and frown and watch the fat on my thighs jiggle and not like the way I looked in shorts.

Looking back, there are so many instances in which I was very unhappy with hormone driven characteristics. I just kinda shrugged and figured that the discomfort was normal and that surely everyone was going through the same thing.

[gender-nor-blog]

Your gender identity is yours. You get to decide how to describe and understand yourself. Your gender expression is yours. You get to decide how to present yourself.

[gender-nor-blog]

Low-Dose Vitamin T

Today I went to see my new doctor about low-dose testosterone. It feels really surreal that in a single day, I was able to get ahold of some new hormones. I’m going in on Friday to learn how to give myself the injections. So my first T-day will be on 4/21.

I’m really excited, but also very nervous and catastrophizing that my hair’s gonna fall out, I’m gonna grow gigantic nostril hairs, and that my loved ones will shun me forever. But I know that I’ll be unhappy if I don’t try this out. SO, here I go! 

[gender-nor-blog]

I feel that the most important thing for a trans-spectrum person to know is that they do not have to allow themselves to be cut in half by that line if it falls on top of them. You can bend that line where lever you want to. You can bend it with your mind or your body.

Lee Elder on gender binaries, interview in Hermaphrodeities

[gender-nor-blog]

“Becoming,” rather than transitioning. 

[gender-nor-blog]

Makeup

Tonight I was thinking about makeup. and how much I appreciate it on others and often think, “Oh I’d wanna wear that.” But once I actually get makeup on my face, I usually wind up wiping it off or toning it down in some way, because I suddenly feel uncomfortable with how I might be perceived.

I realized that a lot of it is fear that I will be perceived as a femme woman, which really bothers me. I know that I already am read as female by the majority folks who interact with me. I feel like before I could be comfortable wearing makeup, I’d need to emphasize other physical characteristics that I value and are typically read as more masculine. 

[gender-nor-blog]

Non-binary Gender Config

I think that it's time for me to start talking about my gender and how I want to make myself as gender-ambiguous as I possibly can. I've been considering a low dose of testosterone to get my internal chemistry to be a little more ambiguous. Hormone therapy will also have an impact on my exterior. Here’s a inventory of some bodily characteristics and how I feel about them changing or staying the same.

Hair: Femme cuts. I also enjoy dying it different colors. Definitely would not want to lose my hair, which can happen on testosterone. I’ve read that T can change your hairline and / or cause some hairloss, which may be reversible after stopping hormone therapy. 

Facial hair: I'd like to have the option of growing or shaving it. I often rub my chin and wish that even the hint of a beard could make an appearance there. I’d also get a kick out of being perceived as a "bearded lady." It seems like it would be fun to shave, but it could also a high-maintenance pain (according to my beard-growing friends).

Jawline: Something sharper and more angular than the one I currently have.

Adam's Apple: Yes please, I think I would look really good with one. I love the idea of having a more masculine neck.

Sideburns - Haha, I wouldn't mind these. I can take em or leave em. If I dislike em, I can always pluck or shave em away. 

Boobs - Happy with keeping my mini biscuits. They don't get in the way, but they also don't bring me intense joy, they kinda just exist.

Muscles - I'd like to have a more well-defined upper body. I need to have discipline and put in hard work at the gym to make this happen.

Body hair - Like facial hair, I'd like to have the option of being hairier. If I don't like certain types of hair, then I can always remove it. I think it would be fun to have a happy trail on my belly. 😄

Genitals: Fine with my current config. However, some folks get larger clits on T, which sounds like a fun update to me.

Legs - mine are already pretty strong, if they get stronger that's a bonus.

Butt - I've got a nice one, would like to keep it. I think I'll be fine if I keep biking all over the place.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't take an inventory of characteristics I wanted earlier in life. Perhaps it's because I believed that I was a woman and knew somewhere that it wouldn't align with the desires of the mainstream media gender template, like soft skin, hairless legs, etc. This exercise has been very useful in helping me understand how much I'd be happy changing and what I'd like to keep.