genechelili

[genechelili]

The Desire to Fly Away - Kinnie analysis, Nikolaï Gogol

You have seen how life is, and you decided you do not want to live in such a boring place. You wish to fly away from everything you see, feel, smell, tell and think of. You are aware you can not, and  that is why you see yourself trapped, in a jail which you can not escape. 

You desire to be something else, more than just a materialized body or a feelling. 

(@//gengenchele on TikTok)

There are lots of things that really delight me about Nikolai kinnies, but the one that calls my atencion the most is the way they see the world and what they wish to become. That desire to be free from everything and being capable of flying away, away from any kind of preoccupation, feeling or sensation. Such a beautiful way to comprehend the things around us, because you know you will never achieve that “true freedom” but you can not help yourself and think about it. No matter how close you get to feel it, you know you will never be truly free, and knowing it proves it. It might be possible to be physically free but never mentally free, and that is what you want. Sensations make you struggle and the fact that you struggle, makes you do it even more.

You do not have a meaning in life, and you do not want one, because you know life is meaningless. Still, you do not want your life to have a meaning, you do not need it, you need something else than a meaning.

You want to be free from any proposal and rule this society has assigned to you, because you can not stand it. And you consider yourself a freak for it, even though being a freak is not a problem for you.

You see everything as boring and will do anything to change it and create your own reality. A reality where everything stops being real and becomes a vague concept, which it is not necessary to be understood, or felt. Your feelings keep you trapped and constantly remind you how weak your mind is, and how far you are from your wishes. You have the urge to destroy everything you feel and you will do anything to achieve that, even betraying yourself. Doing such a thing would not really matter to you, because that is all you want, to lose yourself.

Lose yourself in the sky, or somewhere else, where you do not have to care about anything. Maybe because you are judged or seen as weak. For any reason, it does not really matter. Or at last that is what you want. You wish to become something similar to a bird, that might be why you love and are inspired by them. You want to be one of them.

Birds, free and small animals. They seem as if they do not care about anything, they do not struggle with life and if they feel like it, they open their wings and fly where they want to. You wish you could do the same. You can not stand where you live, where you are right now, you wish really badly to escape, not from a physical place, but from a sensation, from a rule or even from a condition.

You have related to those small but beautiful animals since you were really young and they have made you think about life in such an abstract but relatable way. You see yourself in them, or at least, you wish you did.

The way you express yourself and show who you are to the word may be seen as disrespectful or uncaring for most people. You have expanded your ideas, dreams, wishes and desires in such a way most people do not understand. But you get it, nobody sees things the same way you do, and you do not expect anyone to understand, but at the same time, you wish someone could.

Your journey to find that “someone” who can tell what you are feeling, that can see what you see and know what you want. You wish you did not need that someone, but you do. And if you did find them, what a beautiful love, allow me to say. 

Let me guess, now that you have found that special one, you have decided to stay in this human form for them, live this boring life and stay in your body, just so you can be at this person's side. shorty; you have decided to abandonate your freedom for that someone else. 

And if it is not, then it is the other option. You have pushed this special person away, along with your feelings, which you hate. Still, you can not leave this word and be truly free because you know you are not ready to do it. Maybe you are still waiting for something else, or you just do not feel that capable of being free. Something still needs you here and it is making you stay. 

You have pushed anyone who has said “I love you” to you before, because, somehow, you feel like they do not really mean it. The constant fight between you and your brain makes you think that you are impossible to love. You struggle with anything that is related to feelings, maybe because you cannot tell when you are feeling something or maybe because your feelings are too strong, stronger than you will ever be.

The vision you have about yourself is really abstract and you feel like you perfectly know who you are but at the same time, you can barely recognize who you are. That is also why you want to fly away from even yourself too.

Such a place as your mind may be torturing for you and that is why you barely hear what it has to tell you. Doing things like spending time with your own thoughts are foolish because you know that will end badly. You are scared of confronting your own thoughts and constantly keep yourself  distracted with whatever seems more interesting, which usually tends to be other people. 

Because there is no middle point for you, maybe you are awesome with people, you have a gigantic amount of friends and you understand them pressly, spending time with them may be your favorite distraction.

The other side is competency different. you struggle with people and it is extremely hard for you to understand what others feel. You have learnt how to distract yourself with other activities, such as learning or doing what you are good at.

Learning  is definitely one of your favorite activities, understanding things in general is. You love to question things and you are definitely a fast learner. There is also a possibility that you are a slow learner but that does not mean you are interested in lots of things at the same time. You really have tons of energy when it is about things you like.

When we talk about behavior, you have a hard time describing yourself. The way you behave is constantly changing and you have a hard time knowing why. Most people may identify you as “bipolar” because of your inconsistent behavior. It may be because you hate yourself or maybe because you have no idea how truly you are. There may be lots of reasons though.

(@//gengenchele on TikTok)

Without any doubt, you are a complicated person, and you are completely aware of it. Such a complex way of seeing the world, not anyone can do it. I truly admire the way your brain works and how beautiful the objective of your abstract dreams. 

Thank you  for your time and attention.

Made by @//gengenchele on TikTok (me lmao)

[genechelili]

“Fyodor has a God complex”

For some strange reason, I have seen a concerning amount of people saying this in different platforms, so here I am, explain why Fyodor does not have a God complex; he has a savior complex.

First of all, we need to understand that Fyodor wants to liberate the world from sin (the gifted), by destroying all of them. He will liberate the world from their sin even if it means to be a sinner too this is because he believes he is special, and the only one with the right to do such a thing.

“The end justifies the means”, this is Napoleon’s ideology, we can see Fyodor thinks this way when it is about the ‘special ones’; the ones with the right to be sinners so they can eliminate sin. Do the bad for the Good. We can see this clearly in Crime and Punishment; Ranskolnikov killed Alyona Ivanovna because he ‘knew’ he was part or that group, the group that had to do the ‘dirty’ job so the good ones could be happy.

All of this does not mean Fyodor is a bad person, if we focus on the fact that he is inspired on Ranskolnikov, we can assume he feels guilty; he tortures himself with his terrible acts and suffers because of them. Fyodor is, actually, a good person, who would do anything for the ones who deserve his kindness. He knows he would never be one of them, and he has accept that fate. He knows he is a sinner, and we could even say he hates himself for that, but that does mean he wishes to be a good man. Fyodor just does what he thinks he has to do.

Also, his behavior is truly inspired by Jesus (a savior); because he decided he will die in ‘the cross’ for his sins, to save the blessed and good ones, from his personal view, he is the savior the world needs.

Based on this, can also say Fyodor despises murder, hurting others and doing the things the does. Fyodor does not kill because he can/because he wants or any other similar reason. He kills because he has to.

I wrote this at 3:47 am a few months ago, with nothing but rage in my heart, this means I am aware of the mess this is and how poorly written are these paragraphs. I truly apologize and thank you for reading.

[genechelili]

¿Qué hace que un niño desee la muerte? - Análisis de personaje, Dazai Osamu

Es cosa de sentido común saber que el personaje Dazai Osamu, de la serie Bungou Stray Dogs, tiene deseos suicidas y el conocimiento de esta información se ha normalizado en el fandom. Pero; ¿nos hemos preguntado en donde se origina este deseo?

(@//gengenchele en TikTok)

Para responder esta pregunta, debemos hacer un viaje al pasado  y llegar a esos momentos en donde Dazai era tan solo un “adolescente” de 14 años, si es que así se le puede llamar a alguien con el rostro de un niño pero con la deteriorada mente de un adulto, viejo, cansado y acabado por la vida. 

Este Dazai que, a palabras de muchos, tan solo era un niño, ya había acumulado una cantidad incontable de intentos de suicidio, desgraciada o afortunadamente, todos sin exito. ¿Por qué tipos de abuso debe pasar un niño para estar tan, pero tan, seguro de que la vida simplemente… no lo vale? 

Es muy probable que él era consciente de lo que estaba haciendo, además, evidentemente no había ningún tipo de figura materna ni paterna presente, o peor, estos estaban presentes, y para su desdicha, y abusaron de él de formas completamente inhumanas. Esto puede que incluso nos ayude  a justificar el porqué del sentimiento de “no ser humano” de el Dazai del presente.

Hambre, abandono, abuso sexual, escolar, físico y psicológico; hasta la tortura puede estar entre las opciones de las cosas por las que ha tenido este hombre que pasar. Para hacernos una idea, Dazai vivía claramente en un barrio pobre, ya que dudo mucho que él se haya ido tan lejos de casa solo para suicidarse y luego ser encontrado por Mori. Probablemente sus padres no tenían un buen trabajo, si es que tenían uno, y su posición económica seguía sin ser la mejor. El posible abuso por parte de sus padres es muy evidente. 

Tal vez alcohólicos, drogadictos o trastornados. Los problemas económicos pueden traer muchas dificultades  en la vida, que generalmente terminan, en desahogadas en los más débiles, o sea, los más pequeños de la casa, por lo que podemos asumir que probablemente Dazai no tenía hermanos menores, lo que me hace sentido ya si llegase a tener, el claramente el se llevó lo peor. O al menos eso es lo que yo espero. No queremos asumir nada de su pasado aún. Lo único de lo que estamos seguros de que el abuso familiar estaba allí.

De todas maneras, no descarto la posibilidad de que Dazai haya tenido varios hermanos, no solo porque este tipo de familias numerosas son comunes en el barrio bajo, sino porque el autor en el que Dazai está inspirado, también tenía varios hermanos. Puede que Asagiri haya basado su historia familiar en esto también. Aunque esto solo es una teoría, la cual no afecta mucho en la infancia de Dazai en sí.

Pero en Dazai hubo una clara peculiaridad. El se nos muestra como un personaje bastante introvertido en su edad adolecente, pero no el tipo de introvertido que lo es por temas de personalidad genética o costumbres familiares, el tipo de niño que es introvertido ya que el mundo le obligó a serlo, las circunstancias lo exigieron, El universo le mostró que este no era el lugar para ser sí mismo y que no está seguro siéndolo. La mejor opción era esconderse. Esto nos puede llegar a hacer pensar que no solo no estaba seguro de casa, sino que tampoco en la escuela, calle o con algunos posibles amigos de la infancia, si es que tuvo la oportunidad de experimentar estas situaciones o experiencias sociales, claro. De nuevo, me baso en la vida del autor Osamu Dazai, el cual a pesar de pretender ser muy extrovertido, por dentro, era muy retraído y estaba constantemente asustado o inseguro en entornos en donde había que interactuar con más personas.

En caso de una escuela, está claro que o no asistió, lo cual es probable que no pero quiero observar la posibilidad, o que fue a una publica. En ese tipo de escuelas es donde los niños que no ven un lugar seguro en casa, lo ven allí, y allí es donde desarrollan el total de su personalidad, la cual al salir de forma tan abrupta y explosiva, lo termina convirtiendo en un niño abusivo. o incluso más simple aún, es el único trato que conocen y el uno que saben que pueden mostrar. Este claramente no fue el caso para Dazai; él tampoco vio un lugar seguro en la escuela y también se escondió, lo que nos puede hacer asumir que él también fue abusado o sufrió de algún tipo de maltrato allí. Profesores, compañeros de clase, estudiantes mayores o incluso apoderados de la institución. Muchos posibles depredadores para un blanco tan vulnerable. Las posibilidades son casi infinitas.

(Aquí abro un pequeño espacio, tomando en cuenta la teoría de que Dazai nunca asistió a ningún instituto de educación, de que, si él hubiese tenido una infancia normal, y hubiese ido a la escuela, el seria 10 veces más inteligente de lo que hoy es, ya que la escuela no solo enseña cosas de cultura general, sino que, el en proceso de ser evaluadas y aprendidas, la capacidad mental aumenta considerablemente. Sin duda, llegar a conocer a un Dazai aún más inteligente de lo que ya es, me resulta muy interesante, y me hace reflexionar de cómo sería su vida si él hubiese venido de una buena familia). 

Estaba claro que Dazai carecía de amigos, lugares seguros o siquiera algo a lo que llamar hogar. Estas condiciones pueden convertir la vida de cualquiera en algo triste y miserable. Pero no en algo que no valga la pena. 

Los humanos somos incapaces de pensar por nosotros mismos, todas nuestras ideas, convicciones, deseos y sueños están inspirados en alguien o algo que encontramos con posterioridad.

Si esta forma de pensar se aplica en la vida de Dazai, no nos queda otra opción más que asumir que en la familia, o entorno, de Dazai no solo había violencia, sino que también una baja preocupación en cuanto a lo que podía pensar, sentir o ver.

Es más que obvio asumir que Dazai no sintió ningún tipo de apego hacia sus padres, compañeros o incluso algún posible amigo que tuvo. También es probable que nunca nadie le haya mostrado afecto, de ningún tipo. Esto nos explicaría el comportamiento adulto de Dazai, en donde él claramente no comprende cómo funciona el afecto de forma sincera,como se supone que se siente, pero tampoco lo busca. Esto incluso nos puede abrir la teoría de que él lo experimentó por cierto periodo de tiempo, pero algo le hizo cambiar de opción, algo le hizo decidir que no lo quería.

Todo lo que se puede leer con anterioridad, es mi primera teoŕoa, la cual estaba principalmente basada en el comportamiento que se puede observar en las pocas apariciones que tenemos de Dazai cuando era un adolencente, y otros datos más, pero también me gustaría fijarme en la otra cara de la moneda; en otra teoría completamente distinta, la cual se basa mucho más en la vida de el autor en el que Dazai está inspirado.

Para comenzar, el viene de una familia con una muy buena posición económica, no sufrió de ningún tipo de abuso visible en su niñez y fue a una excelente escuela, con una, superficialmente, buena relación con sus compañeros de clase y buenas calificaciones. Este Dazai estuvo vacío desde siempre, nunca fue humano, sentía esta soledad y falta de motivación gracias  a si mismo y nada más.

A pesar de que, personalmente, tiendo a apoyarme mucho en la vida de los autores o libros para hacer análisis, en este se ve tan posible, ya que hay muchas inconsistencias que no explican de manera tan asertiva el porqué de algunas de sus acciones y formas de pensar, lo que no quita que puede que sea un poco más lógico.

(@//gengenchele en TikTok)

Es más que evidente el hecho de que Dazai no tuvo una infancia normal, la cual siempre es clave para el desarrollo de las personas; cualquier tipo de problema en esta etapa puede resultar comprometedor para quien somos hoy en día. Entender esta la infancia de este personaje me parece una de las cosas más importantes para poder comprender quien es hoy en día y porque hace las cosas que hace.

Gracias por su tiempo y atención.

Hecho por @//gengenchele en TikTok (soy ese :v)

[genechelili]

What makes a child wish to die? - Character analysis, Dazai Osamu

It is common sense to know that the character Dazai Osamu, from the Bungou Stray Dogs series, has suicidal desires and the knowledge of this information has become normalized in the fandom. But; Have we asked ourselves where this desire came from?

(@//gengenchele on TikTok)

To answer this question, we must take a trip to the past and reach those moments where Dazai was just a 14-year-old ‘teenager’, if that is what you can call someone with the face of a child but with a deteriorated expression. The mind of an adult, old, tired and destroyed by life.

This Dazai who, in the words of many, was just a child, had already accumulated an countless number of suicide attempts, whose unfortunately or fortunately, weren't successful. Which makes me wonder; what kind of abuse must a child go through to be so that life is just… not worth it?

It is very likely that he was aware of what he was doing, furthermore, there was evidently no type of mother or father figure present, or worse, they were present, and to his misfortune, they abused him in completely inhumane ways. This will help us justify the reason for the feeling of ‘not being human’ of the Dazai of the present.

Hunger, abandonment, sexual, school, physical and psychological abuse; even torture can be among the options of things this man has had to go through. To give us an idea, Dazai clearly lived in a poor neighborhood, since I highly doubt that he would have gone so far from home only to commit suicide and then be found by Mori. His parents probably did not have a good job, if they had one, and his financial position was still not the best. The possible abuse by his parents is very evident.

Maybe alcoholics, drug addicts or mentally deranged. Financial problems can bring many difficulties in life, which generally end up being borne by the weakest, that is, the youngest in the house, so we can assume that Dazai probably did not have any younger siblings, which makes sense to me. And if he had, he clearly got the worst of it. Or at least that is what I hope. We do not want to assume anything about his past yet. The only thing we are sure of family abuse was there.

Anyway, I do not rule out the possibility that Dazai had several brothers, not only because these types of large families are common in the slums, but because the author Dazai is inspired by, also had several brothers. Asagiri may have based his family history on this as well. Although this is just a theory, which does not affect much on Dazai's childhood itself.

But in Dazai there was a clear peculiarity; he is presented to us as a fairly introverted character in his teenage years, but not the type of introvert that they are due to genetic reasons of personality or family customs, the type of child who is introverted because the world forces him to be, circumstances demanded it of him. The universe showed him that this was not the place to be himself and that he is not safe being that person. The best option was to hide. This can make us think that he was not only not safe at home, but also not at school, on the street or with some possible childhood friends, if he had the opportunity to live these situations or social experiences, of course. Once again, I am based on the life of the author Osamu Dazai, who despite pretending to be very extroverted, on the inside was very withdrawn and was constantly scared or insecure in environments where he had to interact with more people.

In the case of a school, it is clear that either he did not attend, which is probably not the case but I want to look at the possibility, or he went to a public one. These types of schools are where children who do not see a safe place at home, see it there, and that is where they develop their entire personality, which when it comes out in such a sudden and explosive way ends up turning them into an abusive child. Or even simpler, it is the only behavior they know and the one they know they can show. Clearly this was not the case with Dazai; he also did not see a safe place at school and also hid, which may lead to the assumption that he was also abused or suffered some type of mistreatment there. Teachers, classmates, older students or even representatives of the institution. Many potential predators for such a vulnerable target. The possibilities are almost endless.

(Here I open a small space, considering the theory that if Dazai never attended any educational institute, because, if he had had a normal childhood, and had gone to school, he would be 10 times more intelligent than he is today, since that in school not only things of general culture are taught, but also in the process of being evaluated and learning, mental capacity is increases considerably, without a doubt meeting a Dazai even more intelligent than he already is, would be something very interesting, and It makes me think about what his life would be like if he had come from a good family).

It was clear that Dazai lacked friends, safe places, or even something to call home. These conditions can make anyone's life sad and miserable. But not in something that is not worth it. Humans are incapable of thinking for themselves, all our ideas, convictions, desires and dreams are inspired by someone or something we encounter later.

If this mentality is applied to Dazai's life, we have no choice but to assume that in Dazai's family, or environment, there was not only violence, but also a low concern regarding what he might think, feel or see.

It is more than obvious to assume that Dazai did not feel any type of attachment to his parents, classmates or even any possible friends he had. It is also likely that no one has ever shown him affection, of any kind. This would explain Dazai's adult behavior, where he clearly does not understand how affection works sincerely, or how it is supposed to feel like, but he does not seek it either. This can even open up the theory that he experienced it for a certain period of time, but something made him change his mind; something made him decide that he did not want it.

Everything that can be read above is my first theory, which was mainly based on the behavior that can be observed in the few appearances that we have of Dazai when he was a teenager, and other data, but I would also like to look at the other side of the coin, another completely different theory, which is based much more on the life of the author on whom Dazai is inspired.

To begin with, he comes from a family with a very good economic position, he did not suffer any type of visible abuse in his childhood and he went to an excellent school, with a, superficially, good relationship with his classmates and good grades. This Dazai was always empty, he was never human, he felt this loneliness and lack of motivation thanks to himself and nothing else.

Although, personally, I tend to rely a lot on the lives of authors or books to do analysis, in this one it seems so possible, since there are many inconsistencies that do not explain so assertively the reason for some of their actions and ways of doing things. think, which does not mean that it may be a little more logical.

(@//gengenchele on TikTok)

It is more than evident that Dazai did not have a normal childhood, which is always key to people's development; Any type of problem at this stage can be compromising for who we are today. Understanding this character's childhood is one of the most important things about him, and that knowledge will help us understand who he is today and the reasons behind his actions.

Thank you  for your time and attention.

Made by @//gengenchele on TikTok (me lmao)