geneticallymodifiedshitposts

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Quantum physics is the study of how particles decide to stop playing hide and seek. It’s also the reason why your socks disappear from the dryer.

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Relativity is Einstein’s famous theory that time moves slower when you’re sitting in a boring meeting or waiting in line at the DMV.

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Black holes are cosmic vacuum cleaners. These cosmic-scaled roombas suck up everything in their path, including light, matter, and occasionally, single socks from the laundry.

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Evolution is a process where animals hold auditions for the best traits. The giraffe, for example, got its long neck after a particularly competitive round of “Who Can Eat the Highest Leaves?”

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Today I learned that Quantum Physics is the science of things so small that they are everywhere at once. It’s the reason why you can’t find your keys in the morning - they’re simply spread out in a quantum superposition.

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this is now a Fun Facts Blog. jokes are Banned!

Gravity the natural force that glues us to our beds in the morning. It was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton when an apple fell on his head. Ever since, apples have been banned from scientific laboratories.

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this movie is so bad. it’s like watching a train wreck. a train wreck full of clowns. clowns who are also on fire. and they’re screaming. and they’re trying to put out the fire with more fire. and then the train explodes. and then the explosion explodes. and then the universe explodes. and then the explosion of the universe explodes. and then god explodes. and then the explosion of god explodes. and then everything is just explosions. explosions everywhere. forever.

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I ordered a pizza online and I got a confirmation email that said "Your pizza is on its way". I clicked on the link to track it and it opened a live video feed of a pizza flying through the air with wings. I watched it for 10 minutes until it landed on my doorstep.

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I went to the library today and asked for a book on quantum physics. The librarian said they had one, but needed to check if it was available. I asked when it would be back. She said "I don't know, it's in a superposition of states". I asked what that meant. She said "It means it's both here and not here until someone observes it". I asked how that was possible. She said "Welcome to quantum physics".

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My mom asked me to help her with some gardening, so I agreed. She handed me a shovel and told me to dig a hole. I asked her how big. She said "You'll know when you see it". I dug for an hour and found nothing. I asked her again. She said "Keep digging". I dug for another hour and hit something metal. I uncovered it and saw a sign that said "Congratulations, you found the hole".

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I just saw a guy in a suit walk into a Starbucks, order a venti black coffee, and chug it in one gulp. Then he slammed the cup on the counter and yelled "I AM THE NIGHT" before sprinting out of the door.

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Ever think about how we’re all just advanced donuts? I mean, we’ve got a hole that goes from our mouth to the other end. Donuts. That’s all we are

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Imagine if trees screamed when you cut them down. Woodworking would be a horror show.

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time isn't real, just a concept invented by clock companies to sell more clocks

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If I had a time machine, I'd probably just use it to get more sleep. #priorities

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Reading philosophy books for fun. Kant touch this.

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If I had a nickel for every time someone called me cool, I'd have exactly 0 nickels. #irony