ghostlehh

[ghostlehh]

So uh I found something out unfortunately which has almost exposed myself to my family members

I have for a while now been experiencing this sort of sleep talk except instead of human noises or talking I will make wolf or other canid like noises

my family has now been hearing it and has been talking about the “weird howling noises they are now hearing again at night”

😭 I don’t know what to do… it’s not really something I can control, and I haven’t been taking my meds like I should so it actually doesn’t surprise me I’m doing things like that again.. I’m also surprised they haven’t just gotten into my room yet or realized it’s me

[ghostlehh]

Btw I don’t engage in harmful or negative discourse.. I prefer to engage with positive stuff or things which validate being who you are.

people might hate a lot of us who identify as physically nonhuman and the like, but I don’t think it should stop any of us from being who we are.

[ghostlehh]

My tail :3 now I just need like 8 more of them to have my full set of tails, lol. I plan to get a wolf tail as well!!!

[ghostlehh]

Just putting this out there but if anyone wants to talk to me feel free to leave me a message or something!!!! This wolf has been… kinda isolated due to a lot of things and honestly it would be nice if I knew some chill other beings I could talk to every once and a while about whatever, even if it’s not nonhuman stuff.

Also.. any other nonhumans who just feel like they aren’t human enough when trying to pretend to be? Idk, maybe because it’s unnatural, but it’s kind of been weighing down on me the fact I’ll never be a “real human” like so many of the humans on earth, yk?

[ghostlehh]

" モンちゃん🌈" // © kei🌺

[ghostlehh]

(apparently) hot take but you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission about your identity, no matter how ‘controversial’ it is. you are what you are, and in most cases you cannot change that. there is no use telling other people what they can or cannot experience, and there is no use asking others for their permission to be yourself, because that will not change what you are.

every being has the right to be themself and talk about their experiences.

[ghostlehh]

Something very frustrating is there are certain topics that are really taboo to talk about in therian and adjacent spaces. Animals do not conform to human ideals and romances and sensibilities. And species transition, to really do so, will involve things which are gross and unpleasent. It will involve things that people are uncomfortable with. You cannot sanitise animal existance to meet human demands, and certainly we acannot sanatise ourselves and our existance for the comfort of others if we want to make actual progress forward in our various goals and hopes.

[ghostlehh]

Yes I’m alive everyone!!! Sorry I haven’t been active, I’ll try to be more often but my brains been getting tired and I’ve been unfortunately having to mask as a human a lot recently and it’s getting super tiring 😭

[ghostlehh]

While we're calling out misuse of mental illness/mental health terms can we please end the whole "delulu is the solulu" and "feeding my delusions/let me live in my delusions" and all that crap.

You're not delusional because you want two characters to be together or bc you want a character to survive. As someone who's experienced actual delusional episodes please fucking STOP.

Just like with misuse of the term intrusive thoughts it waters down what actual delusions are and makes people who actually experience them face EVEN MORE judgement and scrutiny.

[ghostlehh]

Me when my thoughts bully me relentlessly for hours on end

[ghostlehh]

it's so hurtful when people go completely silent and ignore you the second you mention you have schizophrenia.

they'll be so friendly up until you mention it. then the moment you do, they cease to treat you as a human being and instead decide to believe a bunch of false and ableist assumptions.

the stigma is so heartbreaking, and i'm so tired.

[ghostlehh]

Lost in a dream that wasn't mine

[ghostlehh]

Sometimes little pleasures in life are loadbearing. Whenever someone is like "If you'd just give up tea and coffee and sugar and--" im like I'll stop you right there. Because if you finish that sentence i am going to kill everyone in this building and then myself. If i have to face the horrors of the world without my little jar of caramel flavoured instant coffee i am going to go full American Psycho. Believe it or not, my main priority in life is not to have perfect teeth or be an Olympic athlete or look like a supermodel, but to actually enjoy living, because I spent far too long not doing that and it royally sucked. And boy, some people don't like hearing that. Particularly dentists

[ghostlehh]

Life as a therian can feel really lonely sometimes.

[ghostlehh]

Help I’ve been trying to find photos of white foxes for months now and haven’t been able to find any I just want a new profile photo 💔

[ghostlehh]

I think it's funny (not funny "haha") when beings try to convince me that I'm biologically and/or physically human out of "concern" for me and my mental health. Quotes around concern because I doubt most of them are genuinely worried about me, and they are really just saying my experience isn't real. It's funny because I've felt a lot better about my nonhumanity after discovering I'm biologically, physically, fully nonhuman. Like I feel more comfortable in my own body. I don't have to convince myself that I'm human. I can embrace my body's nonhuman traits. I am the happiest I've ever been regarding my species identity.

[ghostlehh]

Guys unfortunately I didn’t get any photos of that lunar eclipse

My camera and phone camera both suck and so I couldn’t get a clear shot of it even if I wanted to. Also the moon made me feel weird staring at it for too long so I decided to go back inside and go to bed lol.

Also i actually won’t be surprised now if i actually did have a past life as a kitsune and now I’m regaining some of my abilities or something like that. Since I recognized a few months ago actually that I was in fact a kitsune and or, at least I have the soul of one. Which is strange, but would explain quite a few things I have experienced and some of my abilities. Of course it doesn’t really negate the fact I’m also a wolf, I guess it’s just some extra layer of me I never knew existed before. Me being a wolf doesn’t really get triggered as often as it used to anyhow, for some reason it happened a lot more when I first started experiencing psychosis.

But I’d like to believe I was a wolf and probably a kitsune too way before I ever developed psychosis. Though, my own family has pointed out even as a very young child I was a bit strange and had behaviors which pointed to that I had something going on with me ever since I was born pretty much. So honestly, I don’t have memory of my childhood, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I started having mental health struggles way back then too and just didn’t know how to express it. Or maybe it all was evidence I’m clearly some type of animal stuck in a human body, lol….. I have felt that way ever since I was young.

Anyways yeah, I guess that’s all that’s on my mind for today….. the festival was VERY chaotic and bustling for sure. I’m trying to relax now but I have the future on my mind, I have a clear memory of my prophetic dream which showed me sitting in a college class with the new cup that I currently have, studying something. Who knows if that will happen but considering the past few months have gone exactly like that dream I won’t be surprised