ghostlykestrel525

[ghostlykestrel525]

y'all i passed out at 7am

running on 3hrs sleep and chaos rn

me, chilling birds outside: *sing*

me: oh hey, birds me: wait me: wait fuck, that's the dawn chorus

[ghostlykestrel525]

me, chilling birds outside: *sing*

me: oh hey, birds me: wait me: wait fuck, that's the dawn chorus

[ghostlykestrel525]

Sparky. Little. Demon. :3

look, you've met Darkiplier. you can't out-scary that, you're adorable

Just so you know, if you don't respond to my posts, I will absolutely take it personally and think I've done something wrong, then subconsciously resent you for making me feel that way.

Also, I'm in your walls.

Hi. :)

[ghostlykestrel525]

...well you heard it here first, folks if you hear muffled screaming in your wall, don't worry, it's not a ghost!!! it's just a sparky little demon who got stuck in there no big deal

Just so you know, if you don't respond to my posts, I will absolutely take it personally and think I've done something wrong, then subconsciously resent you for making me feel that way.

Also, I'm in your walls.

Hi. :)

[ghostlykestrel525]

[ vent ]

one last kiss...

i love you like an alcoholic.

like a goddamn addiction okay so i'm just. rambling to myself and mostly just trying to get thoughts out of my head onto a page but maybe someone will relate, or whatever. to add some context: i am a horrible excuse for a human, really, and friendship becomes a very complicated thing when you're this screwed up. when you get hooked in too deep. i had to remove myself from a situation because it was just... unsalvageable. too many crossed wires and tangled bits and nothing left to save, in the end. it took a dozen tries. back and forth and struggling to disentangle myself even when i could see it was doing no good to either of us. somehow i'd always get dragged back into staying. empty words, false assurances. promises that weren't kept. i don't particularly want to go back to that. to tearing myself to ribbons over it. it was a mess from the start. but now i've got this song caught in my brain and everything feels like... one last kiss... the little hints. my brain picking up on small details even though I try to shove it away. recontextualise it all. stop myself from thinking about anything that happened over that time. i love you like an alcoholic... something i can't push away. i can't be rid of it. this isn't a platonic love, it's a sick obsession taking root in my head. an addiction. i can't escape it. one last kiss... i love you like a statuette... gods, if that doesn't ring true sometimes. like an ornament, an accessory, nothing more than a piece of their puzzle. the sidekick. something to set on a pedestal and never really care about more than a trophy. one last kiss... i love you like a broken pot. can't fix it. hurts when you try to touch it. but for some reason, you can't get rid of it. some sort of stupid sentimentality. it's got no purpose, no positives, only pain. but it lingers. i need you like i need a gaping head wound... enough said. ouch.

so yeah. yelling into pseudo-void this is partly why i'm barely functioning my brain fucking hates me and i'm crashing out over someone who hasn't really been my friend in years. if we were ever friends. we never should have been.

[ghostlykestrel525]

wheeeee

it's been several months but the professional photos are back from the Anti Valentine show and i'm screaming just a little bit due to my habit of lip-syncing/singing my music and being a dramatic little shit these are the only two half decent ones, lmao

[ghostlykestrel525]

thinking back to a couple weeks ago that was honestly the definition of famous last words. because when i say i'm obsessed with this damn show i mean OBSESSED it has almost entirely taken over my life right now and i don't quite know how to handle that information

[ghostlykestrel525]

Mx Kestrel is it okay to draw your version of Phantom?

I fail to see why not :3 I'm sure he'd be flattered

[ghostlykestrel525]

Are you a lover of art 🎨?

Just curious to know 🤷🏼‍♂️

i'm having way too much trouble answering this

yes, but in an aesthetic way and admiration for the skill put into the creation. i'm not the type of person to go and stroll round a gallery, but i enjoy seeing people's creations scroll across my dash.

[ghostlykestrel525]

seeing things about Phantom being killed is doing so many funny things in my head. Considering that in my headcanons, Phantom happens to be an ancient and pretty powerful being... just imagine the shenanigans of Nate, the regular ass human guy, trying to take down a whole demon. adding onto this, imo Phantom is less an actual demon and more just so demon-adjacent that he might as well be called a demon, if that makes sense? he's not a true demon from any religion (and therefore immune to things that'd kill a true demon), he's just demon shaped enough that there's no point fussing over distinctions. imagine Nate throwing holy water on him and just getting the mother of all unimpressed death stares. "I am literally older than both of the religions that suggest you should do that. Why did you think that would work?" "....Uhhhhh-" "...Nathan I know damn well you have a brain in there. Please use it."

[ghostlykestrel525]

it's kinda weird how much real life can be related back to storytelling, isn't it? and i don't mean in that ..."Everyone's the main character of their story!" kind of way. i mean... chapters happen, and then they end. you learned things, you grew as a person, maybe you're a little bit different now - but that's closed now. it's behind you in the pages, and there's no way to go back and change it. maybe it doesn't make sense in the moment. but it will, later on. or maybe it never will, maybe that thread slipped loose. perhaps we are all the main character but the book... isn't finished yet. your story isn't written already, the author's figuring it out as you go along. maybe there'll be a time to redesign yourself and who you want to be. who knows. anyway i'm weirdly caught up in my feelings at the minute this is my sickness-riddled brainrot rambling i guess

[ghostlykestrel525]

me, watching a new show: i will not make an oc for this. i will not. no more ocs. we're being normal about this one. OC: *spawns* me: well, fuck. *traumatises it immediately* this happens way too often i'm ngl anyway guess who's got a brand new freshly traumatised character-

[ghostlykestrel525]

...very much famous last words, i think.

watching a show with my partner, the one based on Critical Role (i think) The Legend of Vox Machina and the way my brain likes to interact with media when i get interested enough is to make a silly little guy and dump the poor bastard into the chaos. so i'm talking to him and he's kinda reminding me about what the D&D classes are, in terms of which fits me best, and I believe my words were something like "i don't think i'm the tinkerer type, so probably not Artificer" we cut to now. it's, uh. 3:32 AM why am i not asleep? because an idea took root in my head i've spent the last several hours using actual scientific principles regarding induction, transformers and general electromagnetics to come up with a weapon set that consists of throwing knives, and a gauntlet, that, (as far as i can figure out) would probably work given fantasy settings and the stretching of plausibility surrounding such things. so... i may have to take back what i said about not being the tinkerer/inventor type. 'cause. that happened. xD

[ghostlykestrel525]

have the vague idea in my head to do a bunch of fantasy based worldbuilding that partially/mostly centers around my own personal takes on typical fantasy beings like the fae but like there's also the temptation to try and make it into something currently half-formed ideas surrounding divides between types and trying to run a big Discord RP server for it but oh boy would i be putting in a lot of work to get the setup done hmmmm

[ghostlykestrel525]

update partner came home spiral over, i'm fine lmao i was just missing him and being a clingy bitch apparently

no. no. no no no no no no no no i just got out of this. i just got out please-- please... whatever gods there may be where is your MERCY why is it happening again- i- ...i don't wanna do this again. i- bear with me, guys. i- maybe it's just a bad night. maybe it's not. who fuckin' knows anymore. why am i like this..?

[ghostlykestrel525]

no. no. no no no no no no no no i just got out of this. i just got out please-- please... whatever gods there may be where is your MERCY why is it happening again- i- ...i don't wanna do this again. i- bear with me, guys. i- maybe it's just a bad night. maybe it's not. who fuckin' knows anymore. why am i like this..?

[ghostlykestrel525]

A Few Errant Thoughts About Writing

preface by saying i by no means think of myself as a particularly exceptional or even good writer. i am average at best with a reasonable amount of experience behind it. the first time i remember sitting down to write a story, i think i was seven years old in a literacy lesson at school. but since then, it's been a major source of entertainment. playing with OCs and developing this style of writing that i have. RP itself, i'm on about seven years now. started at fifteen, if my memory serves correctly. so here's a handful of tips and tricks i personally rely on in my writing. -=-=-=- 1. The Voice. now, i have no idea who does or doesn't see and follow my RP threads. those that do may have noticed i have a handful of distinct characters - so here's an example. The sentence: "I don't think that's a good idea." Character 1: "...I do not believe this to be the wisest of decisions?" Character 2: "Ah'm not so sure that's a good plan, darlin'..." Character 3: "I think it's a horrible plan. But sure. Go ahead." Character 4: "...are you sure that's the best idea?" boiled down, it's the same thing, right? however - these clearly aren't the same person. Character 1: this is the voice i use for Callithie. she isn't a native english speaker like the others, which means her cadence is a little off. a lot of this is drawn off of my own (minimal) knowledge of French and what the more literal translations of words are. she also uses longer words because she isn't used to more colloqial speech patterns. Character 2: this is Lilia. you hear the accent just by reading (it's supposed to be a sort of southern drawl), and she calls people by nicknames. you might also note that she's quite gentle about her rebuttals. Character 3: Kess, or my own voice. i'm a sarcastic little fucker and i'm gonna let you know about it. your plan sucks. your funeral if you do it anyway. maybe don't take my advice, though. Character 4: the Phantom voice. he makes you question yourself. it's your decision, not his, but he'll warn you against continuing anyway.

2. Introspection focus on your character - and really focus. every little detail is something you can mention. their heartbeat, their breaths, every little adjustment of posture is an available outlet for how they're feeling. don't say "they're nervous", tell me how their heart starts to speed up, tell me about the sweat on their palms, how suddenly their mouth's gone dry and they can't find the words to speak.

3. Song And Dance cooperative writing (i.e. rp) is so much like performing it's crazy. you work together, and bounce off of one another, to construct something beautiful. that does mean you have to be aware that you and your character are just one part of the play. a dance doesn't work if one person is dragging another across the stage. there has to be choreography, or you end up with chaos. talk to your scene partner. even just by dropping a reply or an OOC comment if you're too nervous to hop into their DM and say hi. especially for long form, this is ridiculously important. 4. in similar vein: Don't Break The Set didn't write the setting? didn't draw up the floorplan? then don't mention it. unless you asked the person who did, or you've seen it brought up by the writer of the setting or persons with permission and accurate detail to do so, you might end up doing something that just isn't possible. 5. Check Point this is very much a personal thing. however, if a character's starting to get scary, angling for combat, or even just building any sort of tension - checking in with your scene partner is an excellent thing to continue doing. make sure they're okay with the direction you're turning in. a quick "hey, just checking you're still good with where this is headed" is often enough to open a door to make sure everybody's still having a good time 6. Get Emotional feelings are part of every being. let them show! this also means, if you do have a genuinely emotionless character, you can make them hit harder when it's time to show the blank hollowness they have. you can also pull in on the character's backstory for how certain things might make them react. for example, someone who's familiar with cruel people and the way they act might have an easier time catching on to when someone like that walks towards them.

-=-=-=- there are a whole bunch of other things, of course, but this post is getting long. i might do some stuff centring around how i write Darkiplier to get him to be scary and evil, or about making nonhuman characters have that inhumanness about them if people would be interested in reading that, lol