gibrynswords

[gibrynswords]

I fear I'm choking on the precursor to a very difficult goodbye. To part with an energy I am so tied to now. The physical separation of you and I. We will no longer be a coffee on a Wednesday morning before work, a bike ride to Presque to watch the sunset red, a hootin' hollerin' Friday night catching the surf rock show in the freezing cold of this fresher-air peninsula. The clarity flows between us; no blurred lines, no dancing around the scary shit. Real talk, the realest I've ever felt. I hold so much love in my heart for you. I'll still listen to your radio show of our now rival colleges. You've helped me keep my eyes open in murky water, friend. Thanks to modern technology, we've got video calls and silly internet whatnots to remind one another that even through the distance, we can still shine together.

[gibrynswords]

parked illegally 33125

I reside on the outskirts of the mosh at the heavy show. Revealing that hidden need to be touched, to be hit, to be hurt, YOU find yourself at the center of it all. Like atoms excited by temperature in a container, I am the wall to sustain order (and to protect acoustic guitars.) We've all now eaten God and the heaviness is lifted from our souls. The atoms disperse to their respective places. We will ensure to keep our hair long to hide our faces.

If we are unrecognizable, will we be untouchable?

[gibrynswords]

bonkers 32125

Effervescent sound waves pour into the air I breathe. You and me: we're the same bubbly soul split into two halves. 60/40 bet on a job well done and the sea level rising. The goggle provided should help us see to the past versions of ourselves. As we are Atlantis and entirely enveloped in the tears we collected - salty and superbly sweet. Hard to swallow. Like all the pills you have to take to feel better than before. Like the shot at the basement house show we take to feel something. Like the hard-to-hear news we receive every. single. day.

[gibrynswords]

(postage required)

covered head to toe in black and blue.

offering the world a taste

of what I've been through.

the offer in return

from the world is a lesson

my ears almost refuse to listen:

stay humble,

stay kind,

keep the peace,

sink in deep,

sink in slowly,

sink into the goodness and the light.

envelope yourself in experience

(lick the seal and stamp it.)

[gibrynswords]

<friends

I sit alone here for a moment, writing of all the events of the past 48 hours so precisely and pretentiously. Pretentious: Why do you use that word when I only speak my personal truth? The music comes from the heart... well, most times. Sometimes, I have no clue where it originates and it just flows in vibrational waves on the breeze. To say we created together is an overstatement. We bounced off each other's energies. You were bored so, I was too! You went to bed early and did not wish me a goodnight before I departed the house you invited me into! Lucky me, your beautiful roommate was there to send me off. Only after some longing looks and touches of desperation. She walked me to the door; something so simple it was entirely impossible for you to do after leading me to think I was special for just a moment. A fleeting moment is all you are. Amping up my social battery (but not reading any of the misconstrued cues you hint to.) To get on your level and then for you to just jump off! No "123 GO!" or anything. Straight to the conclusion that we are nothing more than a pair of dreamers who have no grounds to incite romance.

[gibrynswords]

Third Twin

Voices so sweet and familiar; so full of sugary layers of last night's munchies stumbling home from the brewery. Twin snakes are a fitting snack walking down Third Street with two who shared a womb and I who preceded from the same beginnings. We share a special bond, we sisters three. Writing BDay cards to Mother is a skill we have entirely perfected. Of course, I'm always the one to remember to get everyone to sign their names. Being the eldest by such a short time is like being the third twin. I'm forgotten in the mix. Twin means two. Then why are there three of you?

[gibrynswords]

Entry 3/7/2025

There is always work to do, but today I am slugged down by philosophy and the need to consume. I’ve spent my last dollar on the wrong CD from a St. Vinnie’s in a nowhere town. I’ll still search for the right one to fill the empty case on the shelf. Will Neil Young’s angelic voice ever grace my 2012 Honda Civic’s speakers on a dreary midwinter afternoon? Only with the help of a corporate streaming service. I understand why he took all of his music down now as an artist. Give me Mirrorball on CD! I would very much like his entire discography in my collection he is my fave.

I’ve been pondering all the death in the world; what it might feel like to die. Like a tree waving in the wind and slowly creaking and cracking all the way down to your roots. Like a fur coat on the top of a landfill, waiting for the seagulls to try you on. Still, quiet, watching everything happen to your body while your soul hovers above.

[gibrynswords]

Milady moonlight kissed her lover

In the evening pink and orange

Half a life until reunion

Blizzards and fog to separate

She spun and prayed for light

Cycled through hope and heartache

New phases; new faces

“I’ll grow myself ears,” she said

“So I may listen for any trace

Of a whisper whilst within your orbit.”

But as soon as she tried

Ears faded into the night

Years had rotated them by and by

And the axial shifts held secrets and lies

“How I wish I could watch you shine,” she said

“But how can I see, when I have not eyes?”

So she twirled and spoke her lover’s name

Until all at once!

Their faces met and her newfound orbs cast upon a wisp of a glimpse of the bright…

And it was gone

Eyes faded into the night

Ice and snow froze over her mind

A dark, blank slate; no warmth to rewind

“All I wish is to feel a more peaceful goodbye,”

She said as she circled the Earth one last time

“I’ve been whipped through the wind, traveling far

But my path’s only taken me back to the start

I don’t need you to show me that I’m reflecting your light

I can feel it below me, in my tears on the tide”

And swiftly, but not softly

Feeling faded into the night

At peace, Milady Moonlight made her final goodbye

-GA

[gibrynswords]

Often, I wonder why you and I continue our inconsistent talk and text. Why I let you lead me to think we could break the distance even though your words say the absolute opposite. All I wanted was for you to call me yours. To hide from Chicago for a little while longer. Instead, now I find comfort in knowing that you and I were destined to cross paths and nothing more. To be more than neighborly once in a while. To create a space where I could believe in love again without having to voice it (although I craved for it to be spoken.)

Everything is past tense with you.

I grieved the day you left. The day you turned 22 and your mother called the police on you. How you were afraid to cry in front of me at first. How could a caring and kind soul such as you be this vulnerable to an attack from his own kin?

[gibrynswords]

Weekly Agenda 11/1-11/9:

Friday: My show is tonight. You get hit by a car on your bike.

Saturday: We break up in the morning.

Sunday: My birthday. I already broke no contact.

Monday: 100 miles away from comfort.

Tuesday: 2024 election results are in.

Wednesday: Glum day to mourn and grieve.

Thursday: Action is required! I choose margaritas.

Friday: Back home (but not in your bed this time.) Paid gig and then off to support the band mates. Spend the night with a man who doesn't deserve this cold shoulder.

Saturday: Mink Farm sunrise and 2? 3? 4? men begging for my attention. Kiss on the laundry machine and get back together. Our story is not finished yet.

[gibrynswords]

I don't know what went through my head when I saw you on the staircase at the show. Why did I ditch my good friends to go with you? A boy who I don't even seem to like any longer. Our souls have unfinished business; slashed, burned, and intertwined. Interlinked since before I DMed you, old internet friend. Since before we swam in the slimy waters at Prince's Point on a stormy Fourth of July. It's only a week after a fateful separation of an entirely-too-similar lover and I couldn't even bring myself to undress before you. I'm usually so eager to get naked in your presence. This time, I felt I didn't even need to take off my clothes. I was already see-through to you. My skin is tougher than I'd like to admit. I still have tears from last weekend reserved for a rainy day. For now, I will distract myself with boys older or younger than me or you and wonder if I might be a lesbian? Wonder if it would even be worth my while to try and talk like we did. Everything lately has been a tough-to-eat, bad news sandwich.

[gibrynswords]

Loony as I am, of course I will gift you a hat with the insignia of my kind. Then I will always be in your head and on your mind. Or... on your head and in your mind? Wear me out 'til I am dull and grey so I can meet everyone that you do from a hundred miles away.

To find beauty in the mundane, you must hear me call when all is still. Listen for me, lover, for I will ride along the waves into the setting sun as you make your way to my watery and deep blue bed for the night. The blind spot in my eyes beams with the red sun and the Hurons vanish from my view. My dinner flies through the air and swims in the lake. Dusty pink hues in my periphery. Can you hear me call? Busyhead, are you there? I will laugh among the reeds and rocks as you never make your way. I will fly over the horizon to see your sunset. Maybe it is prettier there and you did not come before dusk for a silly reason such as that.

[gibrynswords]

Flip into a fountain for a false sense of hope. After a coffee on the sidewalk and a long talk with a past self, it feels like you could do anything with a sense of security. Except meet his mom after a week. Or accept his spontaneous invitation into your home for a night. No groceries still to feed you, dear.

[gibrynswords]

Could a good meal really be the cure-all? Usually, yes. Any problems can be solved with a good meal. Like how you take the time and effort to make dinner for me. To meticulously shop and chop all of the produce. Blame dyslexia for any falter in your presentation; steamed versus stemmed is a simple fix for tonight. I feel like this will be a recurring theme with you: misreading and redoing. Maybe we will both change. Hopefully, it's for the better with us. There is an us now and I must keep you around. Wonderful you.

[gibrynswords]

Before the mosquitoes eat me alive, I must say I've loved you all. All my lovers to ever grace my bed. Maybe not as equally as others, or as frequently, or as earnestly, or really truly. But I have love to go around. That's all I do want out of this pessimistic hell we call Earth. Just to love.

For a moment is worth more than its memory.

Like you and me. Right now you feel right and shouldn't that be all I need to survive? A team together. A hundred miles away. We make phone calls look as simple as breathing. Bug bites are the scar that is left from our love for the outdoors. Love marks are the reminder at work that you love me more than the distance. Beauty in the mundane. Like how you want to grocery shop and clean the house and live a colorful yet quiet life so long as there's me. You are quite the romantic.

For now we are a negative slide developing in a lab; please let the mailman deliver us soon. I'd love to see your smile.

[gibrynswords]

GOLDEN! You are always. And radiant as your mother before you. Although she will not notice until the flowers cover her eyes and she is the tree you sit underneath while you read your morning digest, she is your biggest muse in everything you do and all that you write. Fiery is her word of choice, but fire can be tender and warm to soothe aching bones. She uses it as defense and spits and shuns. Burning a trail down south with her wildfire soul and her eyes aglow for a man you will never call father. But if she is tended to and embered, her spits and spouts are cool-burning and less of a scar. Oh, but she shines! Always and forever she will spin the Earth, warm our hearts, and give us life!

Mother, I pray to never see the day you burn out. As if it were possible.

[gibrynswords]

Summer simmers in with scalding arms. Asphalt radiation does wonders for the skin. Enough to fry an egg or to burn with passion. Moving like ants across the downtown block. Conforming and ever so slowly adapting to the minuscule tics that shake the world. Moving everlongingly through the woodworks and crawling the way back to an old love. Apricots and honey seep into my veins as I sip smoothly and strongly swipe my pen across the page.