glepglorpglop

[glepglorpglop]

ok watched severance ok liked it a lot

[glepglorpglop]

I started adhd medication for the first time today and I really have no clue what I expected from it

I was kinda waiting all day to suddenly feel totally clear and complete but I kinda just felt the same but more empty?? I guess I don't know how to describe it. It was just like wow I did my math homework quickly, and sure that's the point but also I wanted more. Of course it will take time to figure out the perfect dose but still I think what I'm looking for is to just be comfortable with myself. That's a whole other can of worms... I just wish I could take a magical pill that made me feel comfortable and normal and like not crazy all the time. I just want to go out into the world and say hello to people and be friendly without worrying that it's too much or not enough or somewhere in the middle. I could just be, and the thing is I already can I just won't let myself but it's really hard to let go it just keeps nagging. I'm kind I'm thoughtful I'm talented I'm funny and I can know those things but it doesn't mean anything if I can't authentically share it, maybe my issue is all I look for is outward approval rather than just liking myself regardless of what people think. Or maybe I'm coo coo bananas and need to go somewhere far, far away where there's no civilization or internet or anything at all... one of those two i think

[glepglorpglop]

i drew this of my little brother for my mom and than i wrote some leith ross lyrics next to it because it made me emotional - my camera sucks eggs please be kind...

[glepglorpglop]

something i've been thinking about

I really wish I could get rid of my phone or at least just Tiktok and Instagram... But I feel a social obligation to keep these apps installed. I'm a teenager and if I delete these I will suddenly be isolated not just from the people on the internet, but from my own friends. There are so many references I must understand to be fully connected to my closest friends, and it worries me that our relationship is so dependent on whether or not I've "seen that one video". I know my phone makes me crazy. It makes me feel the need to perform in every aspect of my life. The app Airbuds is the bane of my existence but I can't delete it because everyone I know is on there and it'd be so isolating to get rid of it. This app makes it so even when I am in my own room listening to music I am constantly thinking about what everyone else is thinking. I ALREADY DO THIS ENOUGH ON MY OWN! I do not need an app to encourage this behavior. I need to stop thinking "Oh this is so embarrassing", it is ruining my life. I think by far the worst part of all of this is that I know my own friends would think I am so corny for thinking all this, for even thinking of deleting these sacred applications. My own self-awareness on this topic has made me crazy and I wish I could just be like every other teenager; mindlessly scrolling until the day I die without a care in the world.