gloomiesheep

[gloomiesheep]

[gloomiesheep]

[gloomiesheep]

I just want to look like a

༉‧₊˚✧ magical girl ✧˚₊‧༉

[gloomiesheep]

yes im terrified of people finding out about my 34t1ng d1s0rd3r. yes i go on twitter and tumblr in public. yes we exist.

[gloomiesheep]

[gloomiesheep]

the vape smacks different when you’re empty n pretty

[gloomiesheep]

so depressed today but i need to clean my depression nest. i need to brush my teeth. i hate how useless i am to myself

[gloomiesheep]

ME 👀

[gloomiesheep]

it’s 1:46 AM, my body hurts, and i have allergies ;~; time to smoke happy grass🍃

[gloomiesheep]

50 reasons to lose weight ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

so your s/o can pick you up effortlessly

free piggy back rides from your friends

so you don't have to worry about being too heavy when you sit in someone's lap

so people will lend you their clothes (and they'll be too big on you)

when people buy you clothes, they'll get the smallest size (and worry that a size S might be too big)

someone from a k-beauty youtube video said "losing weight makes you 10x prettier"

to fit into petite and aesthetic clothes (eg brandy melville)

so you don't have the gross feeling of your skin touching (thighs rubbing together, stomach rolls, etc)

to look effortlessly beautiful doing anything

you'll sweat less

to look good in tight clothes

to be able to wear revealing outfits and still look cute

you'll look cute and small in oversized clothes, instead of looking bigger

so you can wear a bikini

to feel more confident

people will treat you better

if you stick to it and work hard to lose the weight, then you'll be better than everyone who has failed to do so. you're willpower and self-control will be admired and envied by your peers

people will pay more attention to you

people will worry and care about you more

for the skinny/pretty privilege

to make people jealous of you

to prove that you can

to look good wearing anything, even if it isn't a good outfit

so you won't be anxious about being weighed at the doctor's

to look prettier in pictures

so you can go clothes shopping without being insecure

no more dressing room breakdowns

so your s/o can fit their fingers around your wrists and their hands around your thighs (or so you can do it yourself)

for the thigh gap (duh)

to be small enough to use your s/o as a bed

so your s/o can easily lift you with one hand

so your sh scars (if you have any) look more "aesthetic" (idrk how to explain it, but scars always look prettier on thinner limbs

to be desirable

you'll have a higher chance of people stopping you on the street for photographs/modeling scouts/etc

to be more attractive

you'll use less products (body wash, lotion) if there's less of you (so you'll end up saving money too!)

people will take you more seriously

you'll be able to move through crowds easier

to boost your self-esteem, feel better about yourself, and be happier

you can purchase the smallest size when shopping online and you won't have to worry about it being too small

to be able to shop at cute online shops that only carry smaller sizes (brandy, yesstyle, other asian stores)

to look good while eating, instead of like a fat, greedy pig...

to finally be in control

so you don't feel jealous/sad when you see other people's bodies/thinspo, because THEY'LL be envying YOU

to have your pics/bodychecks put in a thinspo compilation

to finally feel pretty

to take up less space

to be able to wear low rise bottoms

so you can talk about your weight and not feel ashamed

if you actually stick to it and restrict, your appetite/stomach will be a lot smaller once you reach your ugw, so you'll naturally eat less!!

[gloomiesheep]

i haven’t weighed myself in so long am scared. i’ve just been rotting with my cats under the kotatsu. i can wrap all my fingers and thumb around my wrist again yahoooo

[gloomiesheep]

[gloomiesheep]

i’m rotting :,(

[gloomiesheep]

Im a 19 year old failure.

Abused and taken advantage of as a kid.

My only parent, my father, loves me between his deployments as long as I continued being a straight A girly girl.

The stems mothers that cycled through our home either drank their hearts away trying to get close to my father or abused me and my brother out of frustration when they couldn’t.

In sophomore year I got my first ever “bad grade” a B, my father took me to get tested for autism. I was not autistic, I was fully capable. I feel sick to my stomach seeing how my dad scheduled such a harsh appointment just to “prove a point” that studying is important.

I’ve never been smart enough, thin enough, supportive enough, happy enough, sad enough, angry enough, or lovey enough. If I feel my emotions rawly I am dramatic, if I support you through your feelings successfully you tell me to take time to myself. To talk to you. But when I do you drown me in your every day happenings, while I fester with mine.

I am used and hurt by the men who walk into my life and promise to love me and keep me safe forever, for the “small exchange” of my body. I’m tried, sick, and hurt.

Now I sit with the broken foot that he trampled on that day, missing everything he was because my brain simply cannot correlate the person you were that day with the one that my heart tears for by the minutes of every future hour.

I had so much potential. My gpa had colleges salivating, it had my father introducing me to his world of sophisticated employees and friends who had genius children. Despite all this unfairness I still carry my fathers weight.

Because my big brother was a crackhead, I must take the place of the oldest in our family and restore “true honor” to our immigrated bloodline. Because my father became a doctor I must become something better, research something more significant, aid in a higher purpose. But what do u even want. I fin myself reading of helium asyohicuation as a pass time. I’m 19 and I already can barely make rent this month because my ex left me after abusing me, the cops took him away and even though he’s on bail for first and second degree assault towards me he hasn’t even bothered to message me. So here I am in my apartment, alone, broken foot, cold, and every step I take reminding me of how you were someone I never could’ve guessed you’d be.

Now I smoke weed every minute of every day or I find myself feeling too much. I don’t know what it feels like to not be high anymore. My tolerance is sky high. If I drink and smoke enough, I can feel you on my body. I can feel you in my house. In my skin. But now I’m just alone, and I’m running out of substances to forget you; even though they emend me of you so much at the same time. It’s all so counter intuitive. My father and family thinks I got it all down pad lock though. Your family thinks I’m “so strong” for dealing with you hurting and abusing me while managing this apartment by myself and going to school. The truth is I’ve only gone to class once this semester and I’m falling apart. I’m self harming. I’m considering a plan to sleep forever. I’m trying to find happiness in my two cats, because it’s all I have left that makes me smile. It’s all that keeps me to this earth.

I crave you security and warmth. But I know you just hurt me. And after moving from my fathers house, my your family house, to the apartment with you, and ending up by myself, I realize it’s either life or death for me.

Either I become the prettiest, most successful strong woman there is, or I’m swallowing down gas in hopes of a peaceful asphyxiation.