glowing-orb-called-the-sun

[glowing-orb-called-the-sun]

A blade of grass

Wind tangled in the trees

Ethereal force

Nature sings

Blue ball of light

Tethered to space

Where light and dark

Collide with grace

A silent meadow

Noiseless sound

A cry into the void

No one around

A dense forest

Teeming with life

Sudden movement

Sage advice

Meditative state

Everything changes

Nothing stays the same

Nature prearranges

Where is freedom

Tucked deep away

Cracks in the mud

The world turned grey

The river is vital

Pure life force

Courses through my veins

Connect to source

When it's quiet

There's infinity to hear

When it's loud

Depth is clear

Where is home

A place to call my own?

A structure with a roof?

A heart well known?

A tap on the forehead?

A deep sense of knowing?

Unending bliss?

A blade of grass growing?

An empty meadow

Teeming with life

[glowing-orb-called-the-sun]

I'm the kind of woman

You can't taste until I'm gone

You think you've tasted me

But years later

Your palette breaks through once again

I've taught you a new layer

As you marvel at the grief

The space opened from when I left

-

I'm not a woman to be understood at once

There are moments you'll remember

Unfolding over a lifetime

A fantasy where my phone number should be

I'll make you ache for me

Though we haven't spoken in years

-

You'll remember the way I caressed your skin

Tender fingers flowing gently

Pulled your emotions from within

The way I swept your hair back

Showed you twenty ways to hold hands

Poured my soul into my eyes for you

Looked at you like you gave me life

Though I was the one to nourish you

-

In your dreams I'm throwing my head back

Serenading you with musical laughter

Holding you so close

We're snakes coiled in the sun

You'll remember that my love

Felt like warm sand on the beach

Crystal waters, salty and sweet

You'll remember the poetry of my words

The universe I hold just below the surface

You'll never forget the way we made love

Your pleasure was mine as we dove into the moment

I still think about you, and you, and you

But I held so much love

And you all just took

I'm so tired

[glowing-orb-called-the-sun]

I used to sit alone in my room

Waiting for someone to save me

Isolated in my imagination

Building up a world of my own

-

I was an unruly teenager

Begging for drops of love

Focused on marijuana

Trying to run from home

-

Self hatred was cut into my skin

I wore my anger without within

Writing hopeless poetry

Felt irredeemable for my greatest sins

-

Books brought me an escape

Friendship, a refreshing solace

But the deep emptiness remained

To addictions I turned and turned

-

I tried them on, one by one

Love and sex, an endless game

Stimulants to augment reality

Alcohol, to ease the pain

-

I was looking outside my frame

Desperate to fit in

So much broken deep inside me

I walled myself in

-

I threw others on pedestals

Thought they were my saviors

I was looking to others for religion

Barely noticed it was limerence

-

Inside me felt unloveable

That dark, ugly grotto

Where I hid my shadows

Sealed off at every cost

-

Over time I've opened up

The grotto now a lagoon

An ocean of tears shed

My grief created coral reefs

-

I'm learning how to sing badly

Unabashedly I'm dancing

There is joy in my heart

And space for inevitable sadness

-

I built my life on stilts made of lies

There was carnage when it toppled

The place is now beautiful now

With room for all of me

-

I always thought I was too much

There wasn't yet room to expand

Growing pains here and there

I'm learning to read and write again

-

What I used to hate so deeply

I'm learning to color with love

I thought I had to die to find peace

Now this moment is beloved

[glowing-orb-called-the-sun]

I'm the sun. I'm barely whispering but I'm trying to scream. I'm everything I've been waiting for. And it's been worth the wait. There is love here, no matter who comes and goes. There is enough love here. I have enough love.