goaheadncrylilgirl - Tumblr blog

goaheadncrylilgirl · 1 month

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goaheadncrylilgirl · 2 years

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Please stop using your friends as therapists. PLEASE stop using your friends as therapists.

I feel like there's a difference between "can I rant" and not asking for any advice, just needing an outlet and unloading all of your depressive thoughts and tendencies. Even if it's not often. Because your friends can do anything but be there.

I often make the mistake of offering advice, even when I'm not asked. And then get stressed out and upset when nobody takes it. But I also feel like when people come to me with obvious cries for help...I HAVE TO HELP. But I don't know how. Because everyone who comes to me doesn't seem to ever want to put in the effort. They "can't" because they're too depressed or they've been diagnosed with a mental disorder/illness and they're the only person in the whole world who has felt this way for so many years and they just won't listen when I say they're not alone, that's I've been there too.

And I know it's hard. I know, it's so hard. But nothing is ever going to change if you sit here and just continue to make excuses for yourself and don't even try the littlest things that can make yourself feel better. Like listening to music or writing literally one sentence. Because you "don't feel like writing anymore." After two minutes of complaining.

And now I'm left not knowing what to do or say except for "I'm here for you <3" because you won't help yourself. And you won't let anyone else help you. And now I'm the one who's anxious. Because I've done all I can but it's like I'm screaming into a bottomless pit.

#depression #anxiety

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goaheadncrylilgirl · 2 years

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Me, actively in tears: Hmm maybe [this thing] is a problem

My friend, fucking across the country, has never even met me in person: duh

#i am so bad at life

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goaheadncrylilgirl · 3 years

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I know good people/friends don't usually have to say they're good people/friends and I know me saying that kinda makes me lose credibility, especially with all the stuff I post here but

Like please I swear to god, I promise I really am a good friend. Like I really am, I'm not one of those blind people who pretend they don't see their own flaws and don't understand why these things are happening to them

I definitely see when I fuck up and I definitely aim to fix it and I even dwell on it for pretty much my whole life ngl (i tend to whole grudges as well, against myself included) so it's not like I'm going "ohh I can do no wrong why don't they love me"

Absolutely not. I have no way to prove it to you but please God just take my word for it, I literally have no reason to be a bitch. And even when I do, it's more that I'm too much of a pussy to be one cuz I'm afraid of damaging my friendships 😂

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goaheadncrylilgirl · 3 years

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I'd add quarters to the "got stood up" jar but I don't have enough lmfao

I know all I do is complain about my friends and it makes it seem like I should get new friends but like

I love my friends. I do, so much. It's just frustrating cuz it feels like they don't love me back. At least not enough

I feel like the problem is that I love them. Because I can be so mad at them and not wanna text them and just want to ignore them and leave them on read without caring the way they do me

But the second they send me something and I view it, I feel so bad leaving them on read because I know how horrible it makes me feel. I almost wanna post this on my main blog but I honestly just don't want any drama. I want to tell them how I feel but I don't want any drama

Idk I think I have abandonment issues. Can you have abandonment issues if you've never actually legitimately been abandoned? As in like, your parents have never left you or a s/o? Idk I feel like a good friend, like honestly I think I'm a really good friend. But I keep losing friends and I can't imagine that it's because of them, because I always feel like the common denominator. Maybe I have main characters syndrome or something idk

My friends will reassure me when I talk about the people who have left, because we were all in the same friend group and technically they ditched out on my other friends too. But it just feels really personal to me because I feel like I throw so much of myself into my friendships

I upset one of my friends today cuz I told her people were talking about her at work, and when she sent back a salty response mine was kinda nonchalant because I'm pissed at her for ditching me. Pretty sure the thing that my coworkers were talking about happened the day that she picked up the shift she wasn't supposed to have (mind you, we all made plans 4 days in advance to her picking up this shift, and I was the only one who stuck to them while everyone else decided to pick up a shift at work). So maybe I hurt her feelings because my response was "damn who hurt you", because she made other plans when we already had them and then never apologized, and hasn't texted me since. So yeah, I wasn't exactly super lovey-dovey comforting. Honestly, shit is kinda karma, cuz the thing wouldn't have happened if you just...hadn't picked up the shift? But anyways, she seems mad or annoyed with me idk because I told her they were talking about her. I asked her if she was okay, and she said she was fine she just didn't wanna know they were talking about her. Maybe I'm over thinking, but I don't think so. Either way I asked her if she was pissed at me then I deleted the message cuz

I don't want to fucking care of she's pissed at me. I'm pissed at her. Why can't I be pissed at people without caring about their fucking feelings. Nobody cares about my feelings. She didn't care about how I'd be anxious when she didn't open my message for 3 hours. Why do I give a shit about these people when they can't do the bare minimum of sticking to a plan for me? I hate it here, I really hate it here. I hate that I care. I hate that I love them. I hate everything.

I wish I could be a bitch who didn't give a fuck about anybody but instead I'm fucking killing myself with my feelings because oh no what if my friends get their feelings hurt because I'm ignoring them because they hurt me

Like WHAT THE FUCK

Why can't I be my own priority

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goaheadncrylilgirl · 3 years

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How do you tell your friends you're unhappy with them without hurting their feelings

#AGHHHH FUCK #I sent a message but then I chickened out and unsent it #I feel like I just need to see them in person