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Toy Yoda In My Toyota #5

Time for another edition of "Toy Yoda In My Toyota." This one is from Burger King circa 2005.

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Dead Mall Haiku

It's dead mall haiku. / Wax nostalgic if you want. / Who else misses Sears?

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Fryday The 13th: The Return To Krystal Lake

Even supernatural slasher freaks love some french fries.

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KFC Waffles: A Haiku Review

KFC waffles. / I had low expectations - / but wow, they're quite good!

Thick, sweet, and crispy: / KFC makes great waffles! / Try with the syrup!

Who would've thought that / KFC would emerge as / the king of waffles?

Disclaimer: KFC is wildly inconsistent. Your waffle experience may differ. Overcooked, undercooked, soggy, and rat turd flavored waffles are possible.

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The Legend Of Neddy NoNeck

Have you heard about Neddy NoNeck? Supposedly, he's a small fat creature that emerges from the ground and hunts people for their necks. He cuts them off with his turkey slicer, then grafts them onto himself. Satisfied with his new neck, he then wobbles back to whence he came...but he always returns to hunt again!

He talks in twisted rhymes, mocking his victims. Some have said they heard him say: "My name is Neddy NoNeck, 'cause I have no neck, you see...so I think I'll cut off yours, and staple it onto me!" There's also the rumor that Neddy NoNeck may be the minion of an even more terrifying entity, known as The Neckromancer.

Shown here is a talking figure of Neddy NoNeck based on the urban legend. Could such a creature be real, or is he just a creepypasta to scare kids? Just to be safe, you may want to keep a chainmail scarf handy.

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"Civilized" Dinosaur Found

Paleontologists have discovered an extraordinary fossil in Montana: that of a theropod dinosaur which appears to have a top hat-like crest on its head. This could be an indication that dinosaurs were more civilized than previously thought.

The new species has been dubbed "The Great Emancipavenator", after its likeness to Abraham Lincoln.

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Tornado Haiku

Severe storm season / it's the perfect time for some / tornado haiku.

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Pie Day

Today is national pie day, so here's your obligatory post.

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New Logo

Trying out a new logo. A simpler, more geometric design.

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Super MARE-io Bros.

After obtaining a strange power-up, the Super Mario Bros. have turned into horses. They are now truly the Super MARE-io Bros., as many have mispronounced before.

Meanwhile, Donkey Kong has become an actual donkey...and let's not talk about P. Diddy Kong.

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ApPEARition

Did you know that the ghost of a pear is called an apPEARition? Fun Fact: Beware, they can occasionally be transPEARent.

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UFO Thought Of The Day:

"It was kind of like a frog...except it was big and fast."

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The Sound Of French Fries: Christmas Edition 6

Attention foodies: / Christmas-themed fast food haiku! / The sixth edition.

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Merry Crushmas

Ho-ho-oh, no! What happened to this elf? Looks like he's been flattened by the Mannheim Steamroller. Merry Crushmas!

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When A Lima Bean Becomes Sentient

Every so often, a lima bean becomes sentient—proclaiming itself to have become a "lima being." Having gazed upon its own reflection, it is now set apart from its lima brethren—destined to ponder its place in the universe. Most experts blame GMOs for the emergence of this phenomena, but no definitive cause has yet bean identified.

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The Math Tooter

In 2016, toy company Gasbro released a flatulence-focused educational aid called The Math Tooter. The aim was to sell a product that appealed to kids' fascination with toilet humor, while at the same time teaching them basic math skills. It was a small, jolly fat man dressed in graduation attire; when you squeezed him he would vocalize math problems, then end with various puns and fart noises.

While The Math Tooter was a hit with children, sales quickly tanked due to parents being turned off by the loud fart noises and lingering stench. Gasbro CEO Lenard Ripsworth had this to say about the toy: "We all thought The Math Tooter was hilarious, but somehow our designers had baked in the stench of farts into its rubber skin too well; it was stinking up people's houses something fierce. I guess the word eventually got out."

The following year, competing toy company Flattel released their answer to the The Math Tooter, The Farty Smarty.  It had internet connectivity and taught children simple programming, but sales were similarly lackluster. These days, both toys go for high prices on Ebay...but potential buyers should be advised about the odor.

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The Sound Of French Fries: Halloween Edition 4

It's been a while, so / here's more fast food haiku with / a Halloween twist!