gottavent - Tumblr blog

[gottavent]

Nothing Is Wrong- A Poem

Nothing is wrong,

Yet I still can’t sleep.

Anxiety’s grip is strong,

And depression’s hole is far too deep.

I’ve got things to do,

New people to meet.

But I feel too blue,

To be very upbeat.

My heart lurches just thinking

About all that can go wrong.

I feel like I’m sinking,

Been in battle for too long.

By battle I mean a war,

The one inside my head.

Some days are just a bore,

Others I’d rather be dead.

But I push those thoughts aside,

So that I may appear fine.

Feelings that I try to hide,

Because those problems are mine.

But some days you can’t hide it,

It all becomes too much.

On the days you want to quit,

Find something to use as a crutch.

Because somewhere out there,

Is someone waiting for you to show.

You’ll find someone who will truly care.

Maybe someone you already know.

Something is wrong,

But I know I’ll be fine.

Because I am strong,

My light will still shine.

[gottavent]

I seem to have everything put together

I'm your co-worker who's always smiling and happy. I'm your classmate that's always joking around and having a laugh. I'm your neighbor who, when you see them, will offer you a bright smile and some kind of food. I'm your friend who always helps you in hard times without expecting anything in return. I'm the stranger at the mall playing peek-a-boo with a baby in the line. I don't have anything put together. I feel like a complete failure. You see accomplishments and good deeds, I see things that could have been done better. I feel like a waste of time and space. That gets me down and I'm no longer so happy.

[gottavent]

heal yourself, first. the rest will come later.

Unknown (via kushandwizdom)

[gottavent]

beat your depression

beat it with a fucking broom beat it into the fucking ground die die die

[gottavent]

FUN FACT

some people who are ill and/or disabled CANNOT DO WHATEVER THEY SET THEIR MIND ON! some people are LIMITED by their bodies and their health and they are UNABLE to “"just choose”“ to do something! you can’t STOP being disabled by DECIDING to have a ”“good attitude”“! I am PREVENTED from doing whatever I want because I am D I S A B L E D!! 

[gottavent]

How can I go from 100% happy and loving life to the complete opposite with nothing bad having happened to me??? What the fuck

[gottavent]

Shoutout

Shoutout to my manager (shift leader) who, despite us never hanging out at work (since I dropped out of college), still told me I could talk to him anytime I needed someone. And he actually kept his word. And when I worried about how it would affect our work dynamic he replied with "don't worry about work, this is more than work." And he gets it and doesn't make me feel stupid and he doesn't make fun of it and he doesn't try to invalidate my depression like some other "friends" of mine. He is good. Pure. 10/10 sent from god himself.

[gottavent]

Something horrible is happening on youtube

I’m going to preface this post with a content warning. This post is about child abuse. The video I’m going to link includes actually video footage of child abuse. It is one of the most upsetting videos I have ever watched. My post includes in depth descriptions of child abuse. 

This morning I watched a Youtube video discussing and highlighting what is happening on another Youtube channel. If you have the stomach for it, I’d suggest watching the video because Phillip DeFranco does a much better job of summarizing the situation than I can. 

For those of you who can’t watch, I’ll give you a very brief rundown. 

The Youtube channel DaddyOfFive is a combination family vlog and prank channel. In a recent video, the parents pull a prank where they pour invisible ink on one of the kid’s floors and then make him think that they believe he poured ink all over the floor. They scream and swear at this little boy, shouting things like “What the fuck did you do?” while the boy cries and cowers, looking genuinely terrified. Even the best child actors could not pull off looking as genuinely devastated as this child does. 

As DeFranco highlights in his video, although all the children are pranked, it seems that this one child (Cody) takes the brunt of the cruelty. In many videos he is seen being hit, kicked, pushed, and pinned down by his older siblings. In one video his father pushes him face first into a book case. In one video Cody begs his family to stop, saying that he’s tired of this. In another video his parents scream at him and tell him he’s the only one in the family who can’t “take a joke”. 

In response to some of the flak they have been getting, the parents uploaded a video about “Blocking All The Haters”. They goad the children into saying on camera that they aren’t being abused. Now keep in mind, the kids have been told that all the “Cool stuff” they have been getting is because of the Youtube channel. They know that if the pranks stop, the cool stuff goes away. Most of the children chime in that they are not being abused. Cody hardly says anything. The oldest boy says, “At least you aren’t beating us”. 

What is happening to Cody is child abuse. It is emotional, psychological and physical abuse. It is torture. And the worst part of it all is that it is monetized. The parents are being paid by advertisers to abuse this child under the guise of “It’s just a prank, bro”. 

So what can we do?

First of all, we can report the videos on DaddyOfFive’s channel for containing depictions of child abuse. If you decide to help by doing this, please be sure to flag the specific instances of abuse such as Cody being pushed or the parents screaming vulgarities at the children. 

Second of all, we can let the companies advertising on this channel know that we won’t be buying anything from a company that sponsors videos of child abuse. 

Finally, if anyone knows this family in person, they can make a report to CPS. Now the family is claiming that they’ve already been investigated and “cleared” by CPS, but that’s not how this works. Repeated reports mean repeated investigations. You do not give up and look the other way when a child is being abused just because CPS failed to act the first time. When my neighbors were abusing their children, I had to call CPS every week for over a month before something was done. Don’t give up.

[gottavent]

Shit me too adulthood fucking sucks but at least we can buy our own ice cream now

my hours got changed for this week :) im working 40 hours :) standing all day :)

[gottavent]

Today was my last group session and I get to sign up for another one yeah but I'm honestly so fuckin worried about it

[gottavent]

That point where I become stoic, I will disassociate from everything. I can't make myself focus enough to even realize what I'm doing or what needs to be done. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up.

[gottavent]

I get to a point in my depression where I can't even cry I just take all the shit people throw at me and go deeper and deeper into a state of mind that eventually breaks me So if I cry, yeah things are fucked up for me but it's worse if I'm just stoic. Be very worried at this point.

[gottavent]

Yeah because getting yelled at for something I couldn't have much control over is definitely something I wanted to happen today.

[gottavent]

So I've got depression

And yeah, some days it’s more there than others. Some days it’s more noticeable and harder to ignore. Other days it’s really easy to plaster on a smile and pretend to be fine. I can even fool myself for a while. It’s always there, though. People try to tell me that I can’t be depressed because I haven’t gone through bad shit but depression isn’t just because of any amount of events, it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. You can’t tell me my depression is invalid. And people can’t tell you that either. People can’t invalidate you because you had a good day, or week, or even month(s). You may not have any reason for being depressed but you are and you should be given the support you deserve. I’m out. ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻

[gottavent]

My Morning Routine

• Wake up • Turn off alarm • Look at ceiling, think of all the bad things that could happen to me today. I know it's bad but then at the end of the night I can convince myself the day wasn't so bad because a ton of the bad stuff I listed off didn't happen so yeah