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-Buy dog food -Laundry -Gym -Nails -UPS Package -Don't be sad when dude doesn't call because he just wants to hang out if there is booze and get in your pants and you don't need people in your life like that anyway -Be nervous when dude does call and look forward to the show tonight. 

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Health:

Drink plenty of water.                                                                           

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

Play more games.

Read more books than you did in 2011.

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

Sleep for 7 hours.

Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

Don’t over do. Keep your limits.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.

Dream more while you are awake.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.

Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

Smile and laugh more.

You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

Call your family often.

Each day give something good to others.

Forgive everyone for everything.

Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

Try to make at least three people smile each day.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

Do the right thing!

Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

The best is yet to come.

Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

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Move the fuck on. Get some distance, try a little introspection, and learn as much from this mess as you can.

Coquette

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Back to work to-do list. 

Tonight:

-Take pup for a walk -Go to gym

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So, it's 9 degrees outside at 1:20 pm on a Monday afternoon.  I didn't go to work today.  I had a nightmare last night, woke up at 2am, and didn't really go back to sleep.  I pushed the snooze button 20 times and finally it was either call in or be an hour late to work, so I called in.  It's not a huge deal, everyone has the flu right now, I fit right in. 

What is a huge deal is that I haven't really done anything in the past week beyond the basic shower/work/food/survival stuff and am feeling pretty crappy about it.  I know that it's a part of feeling depressed but it seems to me that if I don't even TRY to get out of it I'm just sustaining my depression.  I've been sleeping so. much. and I know that sleeping more than you need makes you even more tired.  Not helpful.  I'm even considering going back to bed right now even though I woke up at noon.  Bleh. 

It's cold as fuck and I can't take my dog for walks.  But right now we are going to go outside and play ball for a bit.  AND THEN:

-Put laundry in -Do dishes, clean up kitchen -Clean up bathroom -Vacuum -Either:  Bundle up and take puppy for a walk, or work out at gym.  Maybe both?

Who knows how motivated I will feel when I finally get up and start doing things?  I need tunes.  It's going to happen. I have to put some effort into this depression thing, every time it slips away from me I end up on the couch for three days. 

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I've been thinking a lot about the cyclical nature of bad feelings.  I've dealt with depression for well, always I guess, and have been on and off (mostly on) medication for about 10 years.  Nothing major, they just even me out.  In the past few weeks it's been pretty bad, just feeling in a daze and having some really negative thoughts.  Suicidal even.  I'd never act on them, but there has just been this chanting of self hatred and disgust in the back of my head lately.  Usually when things go downhill mentally I blame it on the alcohol and cut back.  I haven't been drinking, and have still been feeling awful which makes me realize that booze is not the only source of these problems.    Usually I'd stop drinking for awhile, feel better for a while, then either feel so great that I think I can drink without a problem or feel not so great and drink to pick myself up...then go back to square one.  If I had a dollar for everyone I've been on square one, I could afford therapy.

I'm so tired of the roller coaster though.  It's so played out for me.  I realize that I've thought of my depression as just something that I have meds for and don't put much more work into it than that.  I've been doing some reading on pretty basic depression information just to be reminded that my shitty feelings aren't necessarily "normal."  Being sober breaks the Feel Good/Drink/Feel Bad cycle, and it definitely helps, but the brain clouds, depression, and dark thoughts are still there.  I've heard many times that alcoholism is a symptom.  In the big book I believe it says that alcoholism is a symptom of a spiritual sickness, which I've always brushed off because it made me think of God and the religious aspects of AA which I wasn't really into.  But spiritual sickness can also mean my brain.  Taking care of my brain helps me stay sober, and vice versa, but one does not necessarily completely solve the other.  So, I've been trying some cognitive therapy stuff to stop the negative thoughts, doubled up my meds, have started writing, exercising, taking vitamins regularly, and getting sleep.  These things have always seemed like chores, but lately they feel more like necessary measures to keep things together. 

TLDR: Being a drunk isn't my only problem so I'm trying to take care of other shit too. Yay me.

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I love this one.

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It is my sister's birthday.  This is the only reason why, at 8:15 am on a Sunday, I have already been to CVS and the mexican bakery, have a red velvet cake in the oven, and am watching Abraham Lincoln Zombie Hunter on Netflix.  It is HER DAY.

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Looking for a new book to add to read this year? 

I sometimes get in a reading rut where I read the same types of books over and over and have to make a conscious effort to switch it up. (It helps that I try to alternate fiction and nonfiction.)

I created the 2013 Reading Challenge as an easy and fun way for me (and you) to fit more varied books in this year. A lot of people create goals of reading a certain number of books in a year, but I think that can be stressful or worse—you may end up racing through shorter, mediocre books in order to reach your quota for a given month. I used to try and race through books in order to tick them off a numbered list, but I’ve found that it’s more challenging and enjoyable to try and read books that are outside my comfort zone, or in a genre I’m not familiar with or that I haven’t read in years. 

I created the below lists as a way to get started, but the books I’ve listed for each section are just my personal recommendations. The important thing is not to read any of them just because I’ve listed them here—you should only read them if they jump out at you as being interesting or worth your time. 

Above all, reading should be fun. I used to feel like I had to finish every book I started no matter how much I hated it or how bored I got. I don’t do that anymore. If I’m not enjoying myself, I don’t finish the book. You know yourself better than anyone! Only choose what you know what will bring you genuine pleasure and enjoyment. (And won’t be a waste of your time!) 

Have fun and let me know what books you pick in each category! I’ll keep you updated by posting reviews here when I’m finished.

Read a childhood favorite you haven’t picked up in years.

Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

Time Enough for Drums by Ann Rinaldi

Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes

Mara, Daughter of the Nile by Eloise McGraw

From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E. L. Konigsburg

Read a nonfiction book about religion or religious culture (or the lack thereof).

Rapture Ready! by Daniel Radosh

The Unlikely Disciple by Kevin Roose

The Prophet’s Prey by Sam Brower

A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian D. McLaren

The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

Who Speaks for Islam? by John L. Esposito and Dalia Mogahed

Read a classic you haven’t touched since high school English.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Read a popular historical fiction novel.

The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara

Bring Up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel

Nefertiti by Michelle Moran

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

The Memoirs of Cleopatra by Margaret George

Read a nonfiction book or memoir about an illness or disease.

Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi

The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch

Ninety Days: A Memoir of Recovery by Bill Clegg

The Mercy Papers by Robin Romm

An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison

Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety by Daniel Smith

Read an entire popular YA book series.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling

Divergent series by Veronica Roth

The Ender Saga by Orson Scott Card

Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

The Time Quintet by Madeleine L’Engle

Redwall by Brian Jacques

Read a book that was made into a movie or television show released within the past year. 

A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin (Game of Thrones)

The Woman in Black by Susan Hill (The Woman in Black)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) 

Life of Pi by Yann Martel (Life of Pi)

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo (Les Miserables)

John Carter on Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs (John Carter)

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien (The Hobbit)

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)

Read one of the books on New York Times reviewer Michiko Katutani’s Meanest Reviews list and decide for yourself whether the meanness was warranted.

“The Original of Laura” by Vladimir Nabokov

“Chronic City” by Jonathan Lethem

“The Discomfort Zone” by Jonathan Franzen

“A Long Way Down” by Nick Hornby

“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer

“Until I Find You” by John Irving

“The Dying Animal” by Philip Roth

“Point Omega” by Don DeLillo

“Nocturnes ” by Kazuo Ishiguro

“The Witches of Eastwick” by John Updike

“NW” by Zadie Smith

Read one of Amazon’s Editors’ Picks for January 2013.

Me Before You: A Novel by Jojo Moyes

Ship It Holla Ballas! by Jonathan Grotenstein, Storms Reback

Hikikomori and the Rental Sister by Jeff Backhaus

Tenth of December: Stories by George Saunders

Rage Is Back: A Novel by Adam Mansbach

Little Wolves by Thomas James Maltman

Snow White Must Die by Nele Neuhaus

Jujitsu Rabbi and the Godless Blonde by Rebecca Dana

My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor

The Fifth Assassin by Brad Meltzer

Read a nonfiction true crime book.

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

My Life among the Serial Killers: Inside the Minds of the World’s Most Notorious Murderers by Helen Morrison and Harold Goldberg

The Executioner’s Song by Norman Mailer

Devil in the White City by Jonathan Larson

Manhunt by James L. Swanson

Columbine by Dave Cullen

Helter Skelter by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry

The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston

Mind Hunter by John Douglas

Read a book about a sport that usually doesn’t interest you in the slightest.

Moneyball by Michael Lewis

Secretariat by William Nack

The Secret Race by Tyler Hamilton and Daniel Coyle

Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer

The Boys of Summer by Roger Kahn

The Game They Played by Stanley Cohen

Paper Lion by George Plimpton

Friday Night Lights by H. G. Bissinger

Swimming to Antarctica by Lynne Cox

Read a collection of short stories.

Blasphemy by Sherman Alexie

Dear Life by Alice Munro

Night Shift by Stephen King

The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway by Ernest Hemingway

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri

Nine Stories by J. D. Salinger

Naked by David Sedaris

Eleven Kinds of Loneliness by Richard Yates

The Best American Short Stories 2012 by Tom Perrotta and Heidi Pitlor

Unclean Jobs for Women and Girls by Alissa Nutting

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Do you have any books to add to these lists? What will you read in one of the categories?

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ITR Daily Meditation for today has to do with cross addiction and powerlessness:

"It is sometimes said that addicts suffer from cross addiction: When they have stopped doing a particular behavior, they develop another obsession; when a person stops smoking, he or she can easily gravitate to compulsive eating.  A therapist friend of mine calls it "filling the hole." When we have given up experiencing a particular "high," we look for something that will provide another escape, another "trip."

When I stop drinking, I usually start eating a lot, mostly out of boredom, but food also numbs my brain somehow.  I seek numbness more than a high I guess.  Is it wrong to "fill the hole" if the new filler is not as destructive as the original addiction?  What line is crossed for something to become a new "obsession" instead of a coping mechanism or a source of comfort in a hard time?    Something to think about.

Anyhoodle, day 5.  I've been working out and feel much better than I have in a while.  If exercise became my "filler" would that be a bad thing?  It's just something to do in the evening. 

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I'm totally diving into mix CDs from my early 20s tonight.  Oh Conor Oberst, you really get my post-adolescent paaaaaiiiiin.  There's lots of moaning in these songs, for reals.  I'm not going to lie, I still dig it.  There's some fun stuff in here.