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One time in class we were talking about abortion and most of the girls talking were pro-choice and it was a generally calm discussion then one of the pro-life boys used the phrase

“if a girl is stupid enough to get herself pregnant in the first place-“

…he didn’t get to finish the sentence

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I know we’re all pretty down rn so here, have some cute pics of svalbard reindeer

it’s the smallest subspecies of reindeer on the planet and it loves you

the svalbard reindeer is also the northernmost herbivore in the world, and during winter they survive an average of −16°C (3°F) weather

look at those small fluffy ears and kind eyes, the reindeer is cheering you all on to stay strong in these trying times 

just like the arctic winter, this too shall pass

the svaldbard reindeer proves that even under the most extreme of circumstances, life finds a way. so please, please keep on fighting

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this is the most me thing i’ve seen in a long time </3 <3

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they check out on charity navigator. i’m a millennial with disposable income and i’m tired of crying about my home country

This is the organisation that the Pittsburgh shooter was trying to stop—he said as much in his last social media post.  HIAS is a Jewish charity that helps settle refugees from all backgrounds.  You can imagine why a Nazi had a problem with that.  You should donate to them if you can.

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oml

You know what? Since heterosexual people are called straight, I’m starting a petition for homosexuals to be called curved. All bi folks can be flamberge.

Straight.

Curved.

Flamberge.

I admit I’m not familiar with all the orientations, but feel free to educate me and I’ll try to find something that fits. Be a weapon. Fuck the system.

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DRUID GOALS

Consume. Destroy. Devour.

Context: Our DM planned a small one shot campaign to pass some time. It was 3 members. A ranger, a fighter (me), and a tonberry (Final Fantasy creature). After fighting some wolves off, the Ranger decided to murder the 2 sheep herders we just rescued. Then he decided to cast speak with animals and communicate with the sheep. The tonberry had a magical item granted by the DM that had 5 charges of speak with animals so he used 2 (1 on me and 1 on himself.) The sheep didn’t know what to do since their herders were gone. Ranger: Consume. Destroy. Devour. Fighter: CONSUME. DESTROY. DEVOUR. The sheep began chanting it with us and so we set them on a warpath… long story short we lead a siege of the nearest town with our army of 180 sheep. Only 9 were lost while taking over the town. 

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A West End of Topaz and Frost 

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Fixed that for you, Jacob

note: sandwich continues beyond frame

Facts 👏

Attention: Tumblr has Alex Jonesed the old Right Smarts account. Please follow this new account. Thank You!

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D&D Class Cocktails

I originally just wanted to make cocktails for my players based on their character classes, but then I got a little too much into it and made ones for each of the twelve D&D classes! Two of them are from a Youtube channel that does this all the time (part of what inspired me to do so) and you can find links to them for the Vicious Mockery and Eldritch Patron drinks. The ones that I ended up spending time (and money) making I was able to take Insta-worthy pics of for the post. Either way, enjoy!

Barbarian Rage

½ oz Lime Juice

1 oz Tequila

1 can Stout

Lime Wedge

I feel like anything that has a head on it counts as a barbarian’s drink, but this one also has tequila to fuel the rage. Pour the stout into a tankard, crush the can against your head. Pour the tequila and lime juice into a 1.5 oz shot glass. Dunk the shot into the tankard, then crush the lime with your bare hands over the drink, ignoring the pain from any cuts sustained through combat, and drop it in. Enjoy.

Vicious Mockery

¼ Orange, Muddled

1 ½ oz. Spiced Rum

1 oz. Jaegermeister

Several dashes Peychaud’s Bitters, to taste

Orange Twist for garnish

From the lovely people over at Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies. I mean if it ain’t broken don’t fix it. Muddle the orange quarter, add the spiced rum, Jaeger, bitters, and ice, then mix and garnish with the orange twist. Bound to deal d4s of psychic damage.

Turn Undead

½ oz Elderflower Liqueur

2 oz White Rum

2 oz White Cranberry Juice

¼ oz Lime Juice

4 Basil Leaves

Club Soda

This is meant to look clear (or close to it) as if it’s pure enough to turn undead itself. Kinda like boozy holy water. Muddle two of the basil leaves. Shake the muddled basil, rum, cranberry juice, elderflower liqueur, and lime juice with ice. Then strain into a glass and top with the club soda and garnish with remaining basil.

Druidcraft

1½ oz Gin

1 oz Elderflower liqueur

½ oz Honey

¾ oz Lemon Juice

2 oz Club Soda

1 tsp Culinary Lavender

3 Sage Leaves

I actually make this one a lot… I just named it for this post. It’s very floral and light, like you would expect from a druid. Shake together the gin, elderflower liqueur, honey, lemon juice, lavender, and two muddled sage leaves with ice, then strain into a glass. Garnish with the remaining sage leaf. Little bits of the lavender getting in the drink is fine. If you don’t want to slurp them up you can easily use a straw too.

Action Surge

1 ¾ oz Vodka

¼ oz Triple Sec

4 oz Surge Soda

Splash Cranberry Juice

2 lime slices

2 maraschino cherries

This one was very tasty. Prepare a highball glass with lime slices and some maraschino cherries and half-fill with ice. Mix the vodka, triple sec, and Surge together (don’t shake, it’s soda). Pour into the prepared glass and top with a splash of the cranberry juice. Besides the Surge pun, the red slowly combining with the green almost seems like it’s the blood pumping through the fighter as they proceed to literally take an entire extra turn.

Flurry of Blows

1 oz Gin

½ oz Triple Sec

½  oz Peach Schnapps

½  oz Lemon Juice

1 oz Ginger Ale or Ginger Beer

1-2 Leaves Basil

A series of three shots to take. Careful, one is a Stunning Strike and hits much harder than the other two! Muddle your basil leaves and stir with the lemon juice and ginger ale/beer. Put the peach schnapps into one 1.5 oz shot glass, the triple sec into another, and the gin into the third. Top off each shot glass with the lemon-ginger-basil mixture. Ideally, only the one with the gin will really do anything.

Divine Smite

½ c. Apple Cider

½ tbsp Maple Syrup

1 oz Whiskey

Fresh Rosemary

2 Dried Rosemary Sprigs

This one was very good. Burn some dried rosemary and place the glass upside-down over it to let the smoke coat the inside of the glass. Shake fresh rosemary, cider, maple syrup, and whiskey with ice and strain into the smoked glass. For garnish, burn another rosemary twig, blow it out, and drop into the drink so it lets off smoky wisps. The theory for this one is the smoke is the aftermath of the paladin’s smite. I used a martini glass because I have a limited variety of glasses but I feel like the garnish floats too much. If I did it again I might use a lowball glass with rocks to keep the rosemary in place.

Hunter’s Mark

2 oz Maker’s Mark Bourbon

1 oz Lemon Juice

1 tsp Cane Sugar

Club Soda

Lemon Round

Hopefully the pun resonates. Shake the bourbon, lemon juice, and sugar with ice and strain into a lowball glass. Top with a bit of club soda and garnish with a lemon round pierced with a toothpick right through the bullseye. I did a hack job turning the toothpick into an arrow. You could probably get away with those hors d'oeuvres toothpicks that have the colorful frilled tips for the arrow’s fletching.

Sneak Attack

5-6 oz Orange Juice

1 oz Peach Schnapps

2 oz Vodka

Cream Soda

Orange Twist

Red Syrup (I just made 2:1, sugar:water ratio of simple syrup with red food coloring; grenadine was too runny when I tried it)

Named because the alcohol is completely hidden by the sugary drink. It will indeed sneak up on you. Dip the rim of the glass in the red syrup, then turn over so it drips down the glass. Stir the orange juice and vodka and pour into the glass without touching the sides (I don’t own a highball glass but that would probably look nicer). Top the drink with cream soda. Garnish with an orange twist (use those little plastic swords if you have em!)

Maximized Fireball

2 oz Fireball Shiskey

1 oz Dry Vermouth

1 Dash of Bitters

Orange Twist

Cinnamon Stick Soaked in Bacardi 151

Stir the ingredients together with ice then strain into a lowball glass. Garnish with a “flamed” orange twist (squeezed over a lit match into the glass). Light the cinnamon stick on fire, then drop into the drink. I know Fireball gets a lot of flack but I mean, come on, it’s the name of the spell. You could try that Tabasco whiskey instead if you hate Fireball. 

Eldritch Patron

2 oz Gin

½ oz Vermouth

¼ oz Black Sambuca

3 Dashes Black Walnut Bitters

Green Maraschino Cherries

Another one from Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies. Stir the gin, vermouth, Sambuca and bitters with ice then strain into a martini glass. Garnish with the green cherries. Looks like alien eyeballs in an inky darkness, as it should.

The Spellbook

12 oz Pinot Grigio

2 oz Blue Curacao

2 oz Lemonade

2 oz Simple Syrup

Blue Petal Dust (optional)

Orange Juice

Lemon-Lime soda

Fruits like oranges, cherries, and starfruit, cut into slices

Mix all the ingredients into a punch bowl, then add equal parts orange juice and the soda to fill it out. Add the fruit slices. I used starfruit because it looks wizardy, but you can always add whatever you want to your Spellbook, as long as you spend gold and time based on the spell's level. The blue petal dust can be used to make the drink opalescent, though I imagine it will be less apparent in a big bowl. Try mixing it individual glasses.

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I call this set… “Noir Princesses”.

PRINTS HERE… https://bit.ly/2NqqOX7

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‘Twas the night before hockey

When all ‘cross the towns,

The fans were excited

Playing their team’s goal sounds.

Their jerseys were hung in the closet with care,

With the hopes that this year all the refs would be fair.

The fans were snug in their (shop.nhl.com official bedding covered) beds,

While visions of silver cups danced in their heads.

With some watching highlights and some checking stats,

And bandwagoners confused about tricks made with hats.

With the trades and the summer training all now ending,

And the stress of the regular season impending,

Soon the days will be filled with the games and the fights,

And the show stopping, unbelievable, highlight reel sights.

Sure the losses and injuries and penalties will insue,

But there’s nothing that any of us would rather do

Than to watch a live game on an illegal streaming site

And scream at the screen when the scores remain tight.

Because sometimes you lose and it makes us all glum

But something about this is just so much fun

And no matter how this season will work itself out,

I’M EXCITED BECAUSE ITS THE END OF THE HOCKEY SEASON DROUGHT!

So to all the fans who are ready to cheer

HAPPY HOCKEY TO ALL AND TO ALL A GREAT YEAR!