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Another Day Post 2020

My Doctor is putting me on a mental health plan tomorrow. I have absolutely no issue about this other than the slight anxiety of never being on one before so I’m not full sure what it entails. 

A little about me. I am a 28 year old white, straight male and up to this point, I never realised just how plagued I was by my own mind. I have always been the one that people have come to for help so asking for help felt a little like giving up at first despite knowing that the help is out there for a reason. I never realised that being the one people come to for help would have the effect on me that it has but make no mistake, I’m not broken, I’ve just fallen apart a little bit and need a hand picking up the pieces. 

2020 was an incredibly tough year for many people and I do not and will not pretend that my 2020 was any worse than anyone elses. Everyone has their own experiences and comparing and saying someone’s is worse than the next person’s, just doesn’t work for me. Depression is depression regardless of the trigger. Trauma is trauma, also regardless of the trigger. My year however revolved around a workplace that despute not loosing any of their sales during Covid-19 lockdowns, decided to understaff and make it very difficult for me to run the store I was managing at the time. From February (when we were effected here in Australia) up until the following February, the workplace became impossible. The stress that was put on not just me, but the workers around me was absolutely inhumane. This would have been fine to deal with except that whilst dealing with so many of my issues from work, my relationship was falling apart and I just didn’t see it. 

My workplace stress sent me to hospital twice. Both times the doctors thought I was having heart attacks until they ran tests and saw that my heart was completely fine and normal. The second time they saw me, they asked about my workplace stress and I broke down in tears. This was a sign to get out so when my fiancé at the time and I decided to discuss our future and it turned out I would have to move back in with my Mum and Dad, that it would be a good opportunity to quit that job and get my health together before doing anything else.

Honestly, these events have been quite helpful and were a blessing in disguise because I don’t think I could write down here all of the issues I had in that hell of a place. 

I am still so thankful that my ex and I are still very close. We broke up in February and we are still very good friends and see each other regularly. I even took her today to get her license renewed, but then this sent me into a spiral and it was nothing to do with her, just made me come to realisations about the rest of my life up to this point. 

The big issue I was feeling today was that I am always needed. I’m necessary to quite a number of people but I cannot remember the last time I actually felt wanted. 

Of course I will be seeing a therapist and bringing this up with them, but what pieces of advice do you, the people of Tumblr have in this regard? Have you had similar issues?