growingandchanging

[growingandchanging]

Did everyone know that people think you're rolling your eyes if you look up in conversation?

Cause I didn't.

Childhood complaints from authority figures be fun to look back on

[growingandchanging]

i love you, trans guys who don't or can't pass. i love you if you can't grow facial or body hair, if your voice is high and you can't or won't lower it, if you refuse to cut your hair short, if you can't bind due to health reasons or just won't, if you can't afford HRT or surgeries, if you have softer rounder features, wide hips, big breasts or whatever else strangers can't seem to get past, i love you. i love you, the man you are, and the way you show the world what different men can and do look like. passing is not your rite into manhood, you are a man regardless of whether or not you ever pass or even try to.

[growingandchanging]

Hey younger me- I'm a disappointment.

Get over it

[growingandchanging]

Idk who made this but as a costume maker this tickled me, specially considering it has our beautiful god in it 😍💚

[growingandchanging]

anyone of any gender or identity can use whatever pronouns they want. trans men can use she/her, trans women can use he/him, nonbinary people don't have to use they/them or neopronouns, genderfluid people don't have to alternate pronouns, anyone can use they/them, it/its, ze/hir, xe/xem or neopronouns, cishet people can use whatever pronouns they want. anyone can use whatever pronouns they want

pronouns are not locked or tied to genders. destroy the binary in your mind that dictates that pronouns have an assigned gender, presentation, or identity. they don't. the only thing a pronoun set means about you is that you like to use those pronouns. have fun, be yourself

[growingandchanging]

the strong nonbinary yearning to get a phD just so people have to call me Doctor.

[growingandchanging]

When is it asking too much

Relationships are tricky. Most people will openly agree with this. Those who don't, are either delulu or ignorant. Love, to a certain extent, is a choice, despite what all romance media will tell you otherwise.

So when is it asking too much- all those who consider themselves versed in a good relationship say the same cliques- you have to give a little in a relationship. Not too much though, otherwise they're taking advantage of you. Not too little or you're being selfish and unreasonable.

While you ponder all that, the little voice at the back of your head asks you "But what if I never find someone who could love me again? What if no one will put up with me again? Am I the problem?"

If you're 'complicated' like me- think of lore galore, paired with being non-binary, being a guy, but presenting feminine because of extra lore- you get the extra points of "he's such a nice guy, he's respectful of my boundaries, he's kind and considerate, he uses the right name and pronouns for me often, we've barely fought, he's the perfect guy for the little me that I aim to please because he had such big expectations for the failure I now consider myself".

So what difference does it make if I'm asexual and he's not?

Is it too much to ask to find someone to love who doesn't want sex? Who finds it something to joke about but not actually do? Or should I instead do what I do every time- pretend I like it and move on.

Funnily enough, if he knew I didn't like it, he would never even mention it. He almost seems like a rarity- so concerned about consent, so unwilling to do anything without at least giving in return. But that's not what he signed up for. And despite his insistence that he wouldn't care, he would. He knows it. I know it. And so I ask.

When is it asking too much? Or am I just a stupid 18 year old with stupid expectations.

[growingandchanging]

Stressing

So I've got a research project due tomorrow that I'm currently procrastinating by creating this, a Debs dress to be done by next Thursday (that I'm sewing since I'm a seamstress but the anxiety of it turning out shitty is kinda driving me insane), no job (though I need one) and family. Just family.

My brain is going mad due to a combination of finding out my Leaving Cert results on the Friday, that everyone is expecting me to get the highest possible results from (yay family, friends, and my own over-the-top self- expectations). Plus, of course, a messed up social circle that reminds me of a fucked up tv series that I would love to watch, but hate to live.

And yay dual eating issues that love to counteract each other and scream at me either way. So long story short, this blog is going to be me venting, if anyone would ever care.