h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven - Tumblr blog

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

there are so many things that I want to do. I think I will stay on my phone for 2 more hours

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

Lost in Nature

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

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[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

You are. Epilogue 03

Just keeping that story going!

#pascalcampion

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

The worst is getting the courage to do it and then they say oh well I’m a terrible person and at the same time act like YOU’RE the bad guy. This is the only outcome I’ve had with expressing to anyone how they hurt me and it’s disgusting

how 2 express 2 someone that they said something that made you feel like shit without feeling like you’re guilt tripping them

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

Poems & Words

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

Trigger warning: death, I guess more so coping with my mother’s, no details. Just hurting.

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I keep putting myself in shit situations. Since my mom died in May it’s been really hard to move. I’ve been in shock and able to have some really good happy moments. But everything I do lately I feel like I just keep on putting myself in positions that I know are potentially not going to go well. I don’t have a home. I’m couch surfing. I can’t figure out housing assistance or how to update my SSI. My mother was the only one who had a handle on how to make me feel safe and I was on the right track and she was taken too soon pretty fucking painfully and tragically. I feel in control of nothing and the rest of my family does not understand mental illness and is incredibly toxic. What kills me the most is how disappointed in my choices I know she would be. I have no guidance except to go inpatient and frankly I feel like I’m stronger than that. It’s not quite necessary. I just really need help figuring out SSI and housing and getting my two cats back who I have had no choice but to let my brother take them in, who I didn’t know was in such a terrible place. He’s a terribly bitter person afflicted by alcohol addiction who does nothing but point fingers and hurt me and I keep hearing his voice telling me that I am not worth anything and to kill myself. That was what pushed me to commit myself for the first time 5 years ago. That’s who my cat’s are with, and his gf refuses to tell me if he’s getting help so I can stop worrying about their safety. She says that I should talk to him about it. But all he does is say mean things and fuck me up more and she won’t just give me peace of mind that my babies are safe. She’s pretty sick and in denial. And I can’t blame her bc I’ve been there too with a bf. And there’s nothing I can do to help any of them, I can’t even figure my own shit out. Life is at an all time low. I feel like such a burden especially after the weird situation that escalated tonight. I just want to drive away and live in my car and not bother anyone because I just seem to be a burden. I can’t believe how fast my life has turned to shambles since May. The world isn’t fair, and I know I’m tougher than I think so I’m still fighting hard. I’m thinking maybe it’s time to accept defeat and go inpatient so I can get a case worker and help with everything. I just don’t need medication and I know I’m going to be put on a ton that I don’t need. I do better without it. I feel so fucking stuck. I just really needed to vent. Not like I have any real followers or friends on here. Just kind of like my online diary that helps me cope. If anyone sees this that has been in similar positions and has any advice it would be much appreciated. I’m kind of at rock bottom.

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

do you ever want to check up on someone but it’s just not ur place anymore

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

[h0lyshitshesmellslikeheaven]

To number 9, no. I’m getting the fuck out

instagram: @werenotreallystrangers