hallow-hollow
hallow, hollow
25+ | queer | autistic | aspd traits | vent blog
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idk i think if you find yourself wracked with shameful desires to have been abused in some way, or wishing that your childhood had been worse than it was, theres a possibility that there is actually some substance there and you're looking for validation. like yeah all those "damn i wish i had been sexually assaulted when i was younger" thoughts i had eventually led me to discovering my actual assault, because why the fuck else would I think that
#well this hit me like a ton of bricks#i dont... know what to do with it though. its something ive only thought about in the last couple of years#is there something im forgetting?#i dont know. i have no evidence!!! how could i believe it!! how could i even think it!!!#why would i think it.#except for that one memory i have that i dont understand.#and i think of how i used to pretend i was sick around friends as a child for attention#for attention? i dont know#I'd do it now but i can just write fanfiction instead. the character cam be hurt instead of me#but some days i still want to hurt and for someone to see it#i dont know. i hate this post i think.#what if theres something else thats wrong with me and thats why i think like this!#i already know my mother is messed up but. not like that not in that way#i don't want to think about it.
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Man how can you say that no one cares about you there are literally tens of people who derive a shallow pleasantness from your presence which does not require them to engage with the fullness of your personhood
#this is literally how those 'theres lots of people who love u uwu' posts sound#bc THIS is the truth#it is not love or care#it is shallow pleasantness#im fucking tired of people pretending it isn't
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if i see one more fucking 'people with low empathy are so valid and i love you uwu!!' post in the low empathy tag i'm going to scream
#what makes you think any of us actually want to see that shit#like. girl you're in the low empathy tag. we don't care#some rando saying they love me is just repulsive#and also y'all are clogging up the fucking tag#to post about how great and supportive you are#like. fuck off#low empathy
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yknow i'm starting to understand why high support needs autistics complain so fucking much about low support needs folks
there's no fucking difference between them and NTs when it comes to actually accommodating you. like even the leftie commie poly queer ones. god forbid you have hearing issues or need to know things in advance or have trouble getting the train. if you can't socialise then you should just go fuck yourself, because the social autistics do not give a fuck about you.
#fucking exhausting#when i spend so much time trying to be nice to friends#and be accommodating#andnot let my rage get the better of me#and they can't even be fucking bothered to let me know plans a day in advance#like. y'all are just like NTs.#and like... i'm a low support needs autistic as well#but it still feels like there's a mile of difference between me and all the autistics i know#who seem like they can just. live. normally. have friends and party and have careers and shit#i'm so tired of being excluded from my own fucking community#just because people can't be bothered to actually listen to me#i mean i've always understood the complaints tbf#they're important#but i'm starting to realise how much i relate to them#and also maybe debating a little bit exactly how 'low support needs' i actually am#void.txt
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nothing but respect for my troops 🫡
kneel for the flag
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sometimes you just have to be a cunt to someone on facebook for no good reason
#he's not even that bad tbh but his use of 'sub clinical autism' is fucking stupid#he's like. nearly at the right point. but not. and it's making me angry#fucking everyone and everything is pissing me off today. not even for any reason tbh#i havent even had a bad day i just want to kill
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i can't believe people start relationships mostly based on the feelings they get from others, like what do you mean you're dating them just because you love them? maybe they're even horrible but you can't break up with them because of ??love?? is it all that matters to you? and i'm not saying this because i don't feel emotions that much, but because i still have many more criteria to decide if i want someone in my life or not (and it involves things like 'are they a good person, are they worthy, do they have something special, do they make sense to me' etc), i really can't fathom just stopping at the feeling or even feeling shit without being able to rationally explain why you chose them and not anybody else
#reblogging here bc i want to be a cunt in the tags#genuinely i find this so fucking stupid#like... why are you with someone who is bad for you. just leave.#unless they hold actual power over u like financially or physically#then just fucking leave??#ive known ppl who will dump their shitty exes and then just go straight back to them and its like#you had a CHOICE here and youre AWARE theyre awful#its pathetic tbqh#like i cant be friends with ppl like that bc its fucking embarrassing#not talking abt ppl who cant leave but ppl who fully have all the options and they just stick with ppl who are assholes bc uwu feelings#like sorry but some ppl need to grow a fucking spine
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if i see one more person use the term 'neurospicy' i'm going to burn their fucking house down
#you sound like a fucking infant#it's fucking embarrassing#literally what is the point. we already have neurodivergent#people will be out here using 'neurospicy' as if they've got REAL WEIRD BRAINS!!! MORE WEIRDER!!!#and then they'll literally just have autism and anxiety#'spicy' autism literally started as a joke about functioning labels#and now suddenly every fucking ND is calling themselves neurospicy#it's cringe and defeats the whole purpose of the term neurodivergent#don't clown on this post i don't care. i'll fucking block you
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low/no empathy culture is not understanding why people will stay with people who hurt them in any way- or maybe im too eager to cut off anyone whos hurt me. -🗡️
low/no empathy culture is
#this fucks me off to no end#i get it if you're trapped in an abusive relationship#but ppl who stay with ppl who have hurt them when they have the option of leaving with no consequences?#nah thats on you bro#dont spend hours complaining about how toxic they are and then go back#at that point you're just being fucking stupid
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when I found out my friends have no siblings I always ask isn’t that kind of lonely??? And they are always like idk not really and yeah u can’t miss what you’ve never known I guess but some nights me and my little sister will stay up late even though we both have class tomorrow and we will listen to fast car by Tracy chapman on repeat no talking just us quietly listening and I think that even if I never knew my sister I would still miss her somehow
#..... i think this might be why i keep writing characters with missing/dead/estranged siblings#i have always wanted a sibling#but things didn't work out that way
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