hanoschi-blog

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It’s 17:07. Saturday. I’ve just watched Woody Allen’s movie “Alice”. It’s about woman who starts seeing herbist who drugged her so she starts to do stuffs which was unimaginable for her. She comes out of her comfort zone so she finnaly realised what she want and what she doesn’t want. I had the same situation a couple of weeks ago and, opposite to her, I found out I don’t want my life to change. There is certant part I want to change, obviously, but not the ones I though I wish. This movie made me think of things I wanna change so I hope some of it I will change in couple of next monts. I hope I will read more and go to the theatre more often, for start.

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It’s 12:55. Saturday. I wish I’m not so sensitive and overthinking all the time. I feel every small change in someone’s behavior. Even if the night is fine I see every small detail that’s wrong. And I start to think: “Do you really wanna be here with me? Are you tired of spending so much time with me? Do you crave for change? Did I do something wrong?”. It’s so exhausted. I feel that way even if you are just 10% not yourself. And than I want to be alone. To make you need me. Maybe it’s time for you not to see me for a couple of days. Be with your friends, do whatever you want, not think of me at all. But when you come be 100% you, 100% sure you want to be here with me. 

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It’s 13:06. Thursday. My head and ears are blowned away. I had a chance to hear some of new Lady Gaga songs for LG6. Precisely, it’s not LG6 - it’s “Gaga”. That’s the name of new project. If you love synth pop, you will like it. It’s like hearing “Just Dance” for the first time. Believe me, it’s epic. You gonna love it from the first five seconds. It sounds like something you heard a thousand times but it’s so fresh and new. She did it again. It reminds me of ABBA, Bonnie M and all of the wonderful music from 70s. Disco vibe. She already filmed the first video, and in next couple of days she’s going to film another scene with different outfit. Crazy outfits are back. Everything is next level. Epic. New old Gaga. First single is set to be released within next month (July). Don’t ask me for furhter information because I don���t wanna spoil it for you, guys. I’m just gonna say it’s worth to wait. And more than that.

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It’s 09:28. Thursday. Remember the guy I wrote you about these days? He run into me and my boyfriend kissing. And he was so cool about it. He started chatting with me the way he used to all these days, with the same tone and smile. So I guess it’s the way he is. There’s nothing flirty about it. 

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It’s 14:49. Wenesday. I’m thinking about problem I have on work. I feel very upset when someone play tricks with my intelligence. If you have some problem with me and treat me equally, we will solve it very quickly. I will set down with you and we will solve it. But if you are jerk I will give you passive-agressive treatment so you don’t know where your head is. If you treat me like dumb, I will look you in the eyes and played dumb and ask you very seriosly: “What’s wrong? Is there any problem?”

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It’s 01:28. Tuesday. Today, when I came to work, I met the guy I wrote about last night. He had a large smile on his face and said Hello. 5 minutes later he run into me again. I was scrolling down my phone so he could pass me by without any word but he said some stupid quick joke. First I heard his voice and than I saw his face. Smilng again. I smiled too. I have to admit I was kinda disapointed when the other guy came to drive me home later. I don’t want to have anything with him obviously but I kinda expected to see him that evening again. Just a silly thought... Nothing else.

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It’s 10:01. Monday. New driver from my workspace had a really funny punch line last night. He drove me home and when we were near building I live in he asked me where to stop the car. 

- Wherever. My apartment is here - I said.

- I can stop wherever you want. Just said. Right? Left? Upstairs?

And than he smiled. I smiled too. I didn’t call him to go upstairs ofcourse but it was funny moment I wanna share.

[hanoschi-blog]

It’s 14:27. Sunday. Milan is such a beautiful place. Architecture, fashion, streets, food... I really love Italian kitchen so I really enjoy my time here. Duomo di Milano is the most beautiful thing in this town. Every detail is so perfect. It’s very good feeling sitting there, eating your panzerotta and feeding peagons. Sometimes you want to freeze in time and be in some moment forever...

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It’s 01:51. Saturday. I listen Taylor Swift “You Need To Calm Down”. The lyric that stuck in my mind whole day is “Control your urges to scream about all the people you hate cause shade never made anybody less gay”. It’s so funny and great at the same time. It’s epic. The song reminds me of “Gorgeous” sonicaly. Don’t get me wrong cause I really, really like “ME!”, but as much as I appreciate positive vibes I’m more into lyrical content of “Reputation”. This album, as we can hear so far, is made to made you feel good, and it’s great, but I guess it’s more suitable for younger audience. But despite all that, I love first two songs of “Lover”. P.S. I was wrong about album title, I was 100% sure it would be called “Awesome”.

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It’s 11:42. Friday. I’m thinking about desire, lust and reality. Sometimes we want something so bad, we crave it, but actually we don’t want it. We can dream about someone, dream dirty, flithy... But when we try to make our desires alive they fail. Because life is not a dream, not an imagination. It just doesn’t work that way. You feel nothing. And you know why? Because your imagination is always better than reality.

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It’s Thursday. 12:55. Today I want to talk about new Madonna’s album “Madame X”. I really like it. Finally she bring something different. “Rebel Heart” was great album, but honest to heart it’s nothing new and fresh. The same was with “MDNA”, with that difference it’s not good album. Her last fresh work was “Hard Candy” back in 2008. “Madame X” is fresh, new and it sounds like nothing these days. Lyrics are pretty awesome, there is a lot music influences from all parts of the world. Album sounds like singing on the streets across the whole world. My opinion is that first single is very badly choiced cause it’s one of 4 songs I don’t like on the album. The second one is also duet with Maluma. Two other songs I don’t like is “Batuka” and “Come Alive”. The rest of album is pretty awesome, except the second part of “Dark Ballet”, but the first part is one of the greatest 2 minutes on album so I like song overall. If she asked me, “God Control” should be the first single. There is something of “Like a Prayer” in it. It’s great song like that with strong message. But she chose “Medellin” where she sing about taking a pill and woke up in Medellin. Maybe she though it would strike younger audience and people who love Latin American music and reggeton. But no one liked it. The other promotional singles wasn’t bad but there is much better songs on the album for it. The other songs that represent sound of album better. “Killers Who Are Partying”, for example. The melody, the lyrics, the vibe, the message. “Crazy” is pretty chatchy also. “Faz Gostoso” is one of the cathiest songs too. Overall the album is everything I expected from her and I can see myself listen to it for months.

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It’s 06:50. Wenesday. Hello to 4 of my followers :p I’ve just finished 5th season of “Black Mirror”, one of my favourite TV shows (beside “Handmaid’s Tale”, “Dexter” and “Shameless”). The last episode, with Miley Cyrus, was pretty bad. Miley’s performance was good, but whole episode was naive, childish and unreal. I know the whole show is unreal but this episode was somehow bad motivated. My favorite one is the first one. It strikes me the most and made me think. I kinda like that they made only few episodes per season. It’s better then put out 10 pointless episodes. That’s it for now. I feel tired and a little bit in pain from my tooth job today. I guess I fell asleep the moment I finish my cigarette.

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It’s 10:31. Monday. This photograph was made last month in Timisoara, Romania. I’m kinda obsessed with taking photos of two different things in one shot. Two things that don’t belong together. Perticullary in this photograph it’s perfectly made garden and rustic building. I fell in love with Timisoara because it’s full of flowers, more than any city I visited. Whole city is in bloom. 

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It’s 22:11. Sunday. Hello to two of my followers. Just joking. I mean, yes, hello... but... nevermind. I’ve just watched “Life”, the movie about James Dean and Dennis Stock, one of the greatest movie icons and photographer who follows him. I don’t know is it because I’m gay or there were so much tense between them, at least from Stock’s side. I know that movie’s named by magazine that published photographs made by Stock but I kinda feel it’s also named “Life” because Stock is seeing life through his lens and because Dean has so much problems with dealing with life even though everybody around him thinks that he is so easy with life. I kinda connected with Dean because I also have everything I wanted from life. I have nice apartment. I live alone because I made enough money not to share apartment with anybody. I have the world greatest boyfriend. I have job I ever dreamed of. But sometimes I want to quit everything. To sleep with someone just to ruin my relationship. To quit my job. To pack my begs and leave this town. To live somewhere in Europe. To move from country to country each year. To change jobs. To learn French. To take dance classes and never dance anywhere outside. But on the other hand, I just want things to never change. To be in this perfect moment forever. I know I sound silly but it’s just my thoughs I never say out loud.

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It’s Saturday. 19:29. I’ve just watched Woody Allen’s movie “Manhattan Murder Mistery” about couple who became obsessed with neighbour who they think murder his wife. There’s something about Woody that I really like and something that get on my nerves. I love his stories, the way they’re not too heavy. It’s perfect balance of easy movie with strong messages. It’s not like many American bullshits. I don’t know how to explain it but I love his movies. I have that obsessesion of watching every movie some director made. With Woody it’s tough job because he made sooo many movies. But when you watch many of them in short amount of time, like me, it starts to bother you something with them. His caracters talk too much. And they speak too fast. Like you don’t have any second that isn’t filled with words. But all in all, I like him. I know he is on target with thes #MeToo movement, but there is something it gets on my nerves with that too. I believe horrible things happend in movie industry (and any other industry too) but these days it feels like every actor and movie director is a rapist. I start to think that there isn’t sex in Hollywood and that everything is rape. I don’t say that anyone lies but the worst thing is that people forget sentence “Innocente before they prove he’s guilty”. I move on from the subject I wanted to discuss but it’s okay. That’s just my mind. 

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It’s 11:01. Friday. I already wrote about Madonna but I need to add that she still confuses me. How can you have 3 the best and 3 the worst minutes of the entire album in one song? How for God sake?

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It’s 11:55. Thursday. I’m thinking about Billie Elish. I knew (and love) her song “Bad guy” for months now, but I saw official video this morning for the first time. I kinda like the fact she act like teenager. Because she IS teenager. If you see the videos of the other teenagers they don’t act that way. They want to look and act older or they portrey some polish version of their age. With Billie there is something real that I like. Particulary this image I chose today. It’s so raw. Her legs are not perfectly shaved and she has a bruises. I can’t find the right words to say how much I like it and I can’t describe the ways it affected me. I don’t know many of her songs. I will listen her album eventually. I only remember I was obsessed with her song “Ocean eyes” a few years ago. It haunted me for months. “Bad guy” is whole another world but I like it. We’ll see for the rest. I remember I also heard some of the other songs but it didn’t left much effect on me. Except “Bellyache” which was one of my favorite songs that year. So, for now, it’s 3 songs and that’s pretty much.