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Has anybody else noticed a repeating trend amongst the Republican party?

I'm talking about the "One Blind Eye" bullshit some of these ass-clowns pull.

I'm back again fuckwits, and I'm more pissed than ever. Let's jump into the world of politics today since I have nothing better to do and don't have to worry about ripping someone's asshole out of their asshole.

Here we are, one year into Joe Biden's presidency. Gas prices are taking their annual rise with spring break coming up, international tensions are the highest they've been in 20 years, and the Republicans (specifically the people who worship the ground Donald Trump thinks he owns) are losing their fucking shit, as they do every time a Democrat is elected into office.

Let's start with a bit of disclosure from yours truly. I'm not political. I take no sides, I have no interest in either political party, and I could really give a rats rancid ass less about who is elected into office as long as they do their fucking job and do it right. We clear on this? If you forget these facts, I urge you to fuck off in a direction of your choosing and quit clogging my inbox with your half baked conspiracies and complaints.

With that in mind, let's look at what's been going on with our country's political cluster fuck over this last year. Specifically, the bullshit that the Republican party has been pulling.

Over the course of the last year, I have seen more and more complaints about Joe Biden from the Republican party than I have ever seen in my life regarding any other random ass topic. I don't have the time, patience, or blood pressure medication to go over all of it, so I'm just gonna focus on the ones that make my migraine a bit more noticeable.

First off, let's take a look at both parties presidential qualifications, and what they brought to the table (or in the Republicans case, what Donald Trump thought he was bringing).

We'll start with college education, since I don't give a fuck about elementary or high school bullshit. For the sake of chronology, we'll have a look-see at Donald Trump first. In 1968, Donald Trump graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with a Bachelor of Science Economics. During his time at UPenn, he took undergraduate classes at Wharton School of Business, yet failed to obtain his MBA. Despite this, he repeatedly claimed to have graduated "First in his class", yet in a statement given by Forbes, Trump graduated without honors, which means he graduated with less that a 3.40 GPA. For those who don't know, that means he was a C student at best. Keep this in mind, as this is one in a long list of lies he's told so far. We might go in to this list at a later post, but not today.

Now on to Joe Biden. Now Joe earned two Degrees throughout his academic career. In 1965, he obtained his Bachelor of Arts degree, three years before graduating and receiving his Law School diploma, and in 1968, having double majored in History and Political Science and minoring in English during his time at the University of Delaware, he received his Law degree. From that point, he eventually went on to form his own law firm before being elected for Delawares County Council while still practicing law until 1972. Shortly after, Biden would become a US Senator, despite being the underdog in a run against Republican J. Caleb Boggs.

So there's academic and practical career. But wait Uncle Fuck-Off! What about Donald Trump's practical career? Well little shitlings, the thing is he didn't have one. Despite obtaining a bachelor's degree in economics, he didn't really do anything with it, other than hide under his daddy's coat tail with his "small loan of a million dollars". He wouldn't go on to apply that bare minimum degree until the mid 80's where he inherited half his father's business estates, and inevitably running them into the ground with poor business practices and illegal labor exploits. "But he was a TV star!" On a show that got cancelled four months after it's release, as well as his shining 4.2 seconds of fame when he appeared in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

Now let's look into the shady side of things. All that nasty crap that you only seem to care about when it's not targeted at something you support.

This time, we're gonna start with Biden. Oh Biden, you nasty child sniffing bastard. What else can I think of? Anything else?

Nope, that's about it. That's the only thing people have been able to target, other than the fact that he looks delirious and tired all the time, but come the fuck on! The dudes almost 80. You'd be fucking exhausted too if you were that old and had to run a country

Now Trump on the other hand. This orange menace has a fucking laundry list of bullshit pinned on him. Let's focus on the most heinous.

No less than 25 CONFIRMED allegations of sexual harassment and rape have been made against Donald Trump, including Ivanka Trump (his then-wife), Jill Harth (a fellow businesswoman), and Summer Zervos. And as if these notable figures aren't bad enough, there are numerous allegations of child rape that hold actual merit. And not helping his case at all, there are multitudes of audio and video recordings of this tanning salon abomination making statements such as "Grab 'em by the pussy" and "When you're as famous as I am, you don't even have to ask."

Is this seriously the kind of toxic waste you want to support? A lying, tax dollar stealing, failure of a businessman that looks like Adolf Hitler did a swan dive into a vat of Cheeto dust? What am I saying? Of course he is. Since you made the conscious decision to vote on him twice, odds are you're just like him.

Fuck it, I don't care that it's 10 a.m., I'm going back to bed.

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Valentine's Day was four days ago, and in four days, the world almost set a record with how fast something can piss me off. I've spent the last 96 hours talking to friends, family, and even a couple complete strangers who just needed someone to listen, and everything I read and heard broke my shrivelled heart, which only served to piss me off even further. This year had to be one of the single worst years for hopeful romantics around this armageddon-tier fuck up of a country, and I'll tell you why in one, simple, easy to understand word that everyone knows;

Expectations.

That's right, the super villain of the world of love. And I'm not talking about your run of the mill "You look nothing like your Tinder pictures" expectations, I'm talking the kind that people vilify and have mocked you for your entire fucking life. Acne, pudge, bad hair, gangly appearance, a weird skin condition, limbs that don't function correctly, or even mental disorders. Outside bullshit that means nothing in the grand scheme of whatever fucked up religion you follow. If you're one of these shit spewing ass-nozzles, then you can kindly fuck off in a direction of your choosing.

As for all of you hopefuls that got your heart broken or didn't have the courage to confess your affections, stick around. Uncle Fuck Off is gonna take a break today. It's just you and me, and I'm gonna tell you everything you need to hear. I don't have dating advice, obviously because I don't date, and I don't have any magic words that will get you that date with the lover of your dreams. But what I can give you is peace of mind.

The first thing I wanna address is everybody here who has trouble with their weight. Not for lack of trying to be healthier, some people just don't have a good metabolism, and it's something you gotta fight with every day. You've tried dieting, you've tried fasting, you've busted your ass exercising every day until you damn near vomited blood, hoping that you'd see some improvement that never came. It's not your fault, even when you gave up. You're down on yourself all the time, thinking you could've tried harder, but no one on this ball of mud tries harder to be better than you do. If other people don't see that, then they're the ones who has something wrong with them. Just keep doing your best, and do what you love.

To everybody who suffers from acne; I get it. I understand completely. Most people think acne is just bad, pimply skin from being dirty, but they couldn't be further from the truth. Acne is a bacterial issue that can't really be treated. Sometimes people are born who's dermal oil is really corrosive that it creates more impurities than it traps, and that eventually leads to acne. It's not something that a shower can get rid of, and all these advertisements on TV for "Dermal Acne Cleansing Products" are full of shit. The only thing in these products that are good for the skin is Charcoal, Isopropyl, and Aloe, but none of those things do shit for acne and can actually exaggerate the issue. If you want to have clearer skin, chlorine is actually the best thing for the job. I'm not telling you to buy straight up chlorine and rub it on your skin, that will just kill you slowly. Go swimming in a chlorinated pool, take a dip in the hot tub, let the water sit on your skin for a half hour before washing it off, I guarantee you'll notice a difference in dermal clarity in a couple months time. Just don't push yourself to be beautiful. Beauty is bullshit and only used to market to vain cunts who wanna be stars but can't get the job because they're too bitchy.

Vitiligo. I'm sure a good number of people don't know what that means, so I'm gonna give you the Cliff Notes explanation. Vitiligo is a skin condition that is often described as a disease because of how it works. Vitiligo is what happens when pigment-producing cells die, causing the skin to look patchy and mismatched. Physically, it is not a painful disease, nor is it contagious, but mentally and emotionally, it can be torturous due to people afflicted with it feeling self-conscious or out of place. Let me tell you right now; it is nothing to be ashamed about. It is a unique and beautiful feature that none of us could ever hope to experience in life. To have something that sets you apart in this mundane world is a gift and should never, ever be considered a burden or ugly. You are an image of beauty itself.

To anybody still reading this, let me ask you a question: What defines love in your eyes? Where is the line drawn? Does it have to be limited? Weird questions, but you would, or maybe wouldn't, be surprised to know that most of the people whom I spoke to were disabled. Three of them couldn't walk and one of them was born without her left arm. I wanna know why these people, above all else, couldn't find love. And don't give me that tired answer of "Well if it was me, I would have said yes" or "I dated a blind (gender) in high school". I don't care about that shit. I wanna know why disabled people are seen as inferior in something as simple as love. And fuck you if you tell me "lOvE iSn'T sImPle". Love isn't simple when one, or fucking both, parties are making it difficult. What makes a relationship difficult? Again, motherfucking expectations. Make money, have a good car, do your makeup, wear the good clothing, go to the popular places, drink the good alcohol, know the right people, have a big house. You avarice driven cunts can lick my dogs ass. Your standards are the metaphorical roach in my coffee cup. I spent almost 3 hours consoling a woman I barely knew because "He didn't want to date somebody who was handicapped". Her exact fucking words. This would surprise me if it wasn't for the fact that this is the standard in this ass backwards country. This motherfucker didn't care that she was 5'8", brunette, athletic, and had a fucking experts degree in biological sciences, he cared that she was missing an arm. An arm that she never had in the first place and never once in her life felt hindered by. He cared that she didn't fit his vision of beauty. What the fucks the problem here? Smoking hot wife with an education that will lift you up when times are hard, or some crack addicted crypt keeper who sucks your bank account dry every two weeks so she can get another fix? Pick your fucking poison.

There is not a single person on this planet who tries harder to be a better person or live a better life than these people that you take for granted. You've denied them a chance at sharing a life of happiness with you, and honestly, you're the ones missing out. In the end, it's you dumbasses that will suffer in the end when you die at the ripe old age of 31 in your low rent apartment from an overdose of painkillers and Jack Daniels.

A little too morbid at the end there? Good. Maybe then some of you will think about what's really important the next time one of these people I've listed off asks you for a chance instead of laughing them out the fucking door.

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The world certainly loves to get my attention in interesting ways. More often than not, the methods used to do so are only a means to an end in order to piss me off, but this time I'm genuinely amused.

The most recent happening that has garnered my attention is the big stink going on with Hedge Fund concerning $GME and a handful of Redditors who bought the hell out of GameStop shares. A lot of people don't understand what this means or why so many of the wealthy and empowered are making a big deal out of it, but your ever helpful Uncle Fuck Off is here to educate you on things.

So let's start at the beginning. What is Hedge Fund? A Hedge Fund is an alternative investment that is designed to protect investment portfolios from market and certainty, while generating positive returns in both up and down markets. Hedge funds are financial partnerships that use pooled funds and employ different strategies to earn active returns for their investors. These funds may be managed aggressively or make use of derivatives and leverage to generate higher returns. Basically, it's a way for a select, limited number of very wealthy people to get even wealthier by buying stocks and trades at a low price, then waiting for the demand of these stocks and trades to go up in order to sell them at a higher price. Here's an example; Imagine a loaf of bread at any select store cost $2.00, and the supply is limited. Now imagine buying all that bread at $2.00 a loaf, completely emptying the county supply of bread. Then, directly afterwards, you turn around and start selling that bread at $3.50 a loaf, garnering a $1.50 profit.

It's kinda like that, but on a much, much larger scale, often resulting in the spending of millions/billions, and making a profit of half that after accounting for purchase.

So now that we've explained that, let's move on to the next chapter.

So what's going on with GameStop stock? Well so far, over the last 6 months, GameStop stock price has seen an 8000% increase, which is insane by any standards. The more complex answer is that it's stock has become a central gamepiece in a financial power struggle between a major hedge fund, Melvin Capital, and a group of amateur stock traders who yell on the internet.

So how is GameStop tied up in all of this? Well, Like many companies that are in rough shape, GameStop was the subject of what's called short selling, in which professional investors borrow shares of stocks to sell and then buy back later so they can return them, which lets them pocket the profit if the stock price goes down. They're basically bets that the company will fail. GameStop was one of the most shorted of all publicly traded companies. Other companies on the list include AMC Theaters, Bed Bath & Beyond and even the most defunct Blockbuster. And then GameStop became the source of a "Short Squeeze". I won't even get into explaining what a Short Squeeze is, it's a long and complicated subject. I'll just leave it at; A Short Squeeze means investors bought at a high price and bet the price would continue to fall, and when it didn't, they were left with millions in stocks that they had to sell at a much higher price.

Moving on, a handful of ametuer investors on the Reddit page r/wallstreetbets decided to throw 100% of their portfolios into $GME once they saw the shares rising, causing those who run WSB (r/wallstreetbets) to temporarily switch the community to private with the excuse that they were "Experiencing technical difficulties based on unprecedented scale as a result of the newfound interest in WSB.", which I think means the bean counters tried to intervene with us normal people making more money than we're supposed to.

This is where things get a little complicated and a bit more unclear. Shares in GameStop ticked up on January 11th after it named three people to its board of directors as part of a deal with shareholders who had been agitating for change. That caused some short sellers to abandon their positions, helping to drive the stock up more in the following days. The stock traded for about even for a few days, but things really began to change on the following Friday.

CNBC data showed that the volume of shares traded - a closely watched indicator of activity around the stock - spiked on Friday. Increased volume can indicate a short squeeze, meaning people who had bet against the stock either chose or were forced to give up and take losses. and while WSB had gotten some media attention in recent days for its GameStop boosterism, a boom in coverage of GameStop and WSB helped bring the story out of the financial world and more into the mainstream. GameStop shares would go from trading at around $43, already significantly more than it traded at the beginning of the year, to as much as $380, becoming one of the most traded stocks on the market along the way. This alone has Wallstreet shitting themselves, as it could potentially cost them tens of billions of dollars.

So how will the market be different if this continues? There is some belief that WSB signals the arrival of a powerful new force as large numbers of retail investors find influence by acting in concert or following one another into a big trade. That may serve as a check or balance on other large forces, such as hedge funds, which are used to throwing their weight around without ordinary investors affecting a price. As for how it couldn't affect us normal people, right now, the speculation activity is only around a few companies, which isn't that uncommon. But the broader concern comes when what are known as retail investors - amateurs buying stocks for their own personal gain - become overly exuberant and inflate stock prices, sometimes by taking out loans to buy shares. and some skeptics point to the situation around GameStop and other companies as evidence that the stock market has reached a dangerous level of enthusiasm and speculation.

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Now, very often a short squeeze ends in a price falling back to where it was before the drama started. In 2008, when Volkswagen was in the middle of a trader tug of war, it briefly became the stock market's most valued company, but it's price settled down eventually. History suggests that no stock can go up forever, and over time, stock prices generally reflect the expected future earnings of corporations. But long shots can go on for extended periods if the players have enough resources to risk. Tesla, for example, would need 1,600 years of profits to justify its current price to earnings ratio, according to a calculation this last year.

So far, there's no evidence that any of this is illegal, although NASDAQ CEO Adena Friedman has said stock exchanges and regulators need to pay attention to the potential for schemes fueled by social media. While Reddit didn't answer questions this past Wednesday about whether it's in touch with regulators, it said it prohibits posting illegal content or facilitating illegal transactions. In a short statement, a Reddit official stated "We will review and cooperate with valid law enforcement investigations or actions as needed".

Of course I personally find this all to be bullshit. In my personal viewpoints, this is just another way for the very rich and wealthy to strongarm us normal people into being complacent, as they cannot make money off of us if we continue to make more and more money. Many investors and Wall Street members have stated that this could very well impact the fragile Trickle-down Economy, however, this again is absolute bullshit. Let me explain why.

Trickle down economy works exactly how it sounds, except it doesn't work at all. The long and short of it is investors and very wealthy people make a lot of money and they believe that eventually that money will make its way down to us normal and poorer people, however it never really does as most of the time, and in very, very many cases, these investors and wealthy people will more often than not square it away in a bank account or throw it back into stocks where they can make more money to put in their bank accounts. Trickle-down Economics only works the other way around, where us normal, poor people make money and buy stuff to put that money back into the economy where it will eventually make its way back to the wealthy making them far wealthier. Now I will agree that not all of that money goes back to the rich, but a good portion of it does. Most of the time that money will go back to paying employees, paying for equipment, and paying for materials used, but whatever else is left will go back to the rich. So you can see why this GameStop shit has Wall Street's panties in a twist.

Now, keep in mind that even if these amateur investors do win in this stock trade and cost Wall Street billions in US dollars, it is very unlikely that we of the current generation will see any of that money come back to us. The reality of the situation is that it would take years if not several decades for the money that Wall Street "loses" to circulate back to the normal person.

And that's what going on in this fucked up problem child of a country. Anyway, hopefully some of you actually paid attention to all of that, because I'm sick of explaining that the only side I'm on is my side. If you've got legitimate points that you'd like to make, I'd gladly listen to them and debate them, and I'll even concede defeat if I am wrong, but stop blowing up my inbox with half baked arguments because I have no patience to argue with someone who has little more intelligence than a water flea.

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Aight shitlin's, time for a life lesson with Uncle Fuck Off.

Don't ever let someone tell you how to live a full and happy life. Your happiness is only determined by yourself and only you can make it as you please. You don't need anybody or anything that society tells you, no matter how much "sense" it makes. Let me break it down for you.

Fuck dating, focus on yourself. If you need someone to validate you or make you feel whole, you're gonna end up in some bad situations that you don't know how to get out of. Abuse, poverty, depression, addiction, and it will all be pinned on you. The world is full of shitty people looking for a life to fuck up. Don't give them a target. Get that education, find the job you can be happy with, find the friends who will stick with you even when you're at your lowest, and make a life for yourself before you bring another person into that mix. If you skip these steps, you're gonna end up sore and angry the rest of your life and you'll eventually become the shithead that preys on the weak.

Stop buying in to the American Dream bullshit. That gimmick died in the 70's and it should stay that way. Why? Quick history lesson for you. The American Dream was defined for young men and only young men as a goal created by the government to suppress free individuality by marketing the 'Ideal Life' as the only way to be happy. Buy into your idea of happiness, not what the rich tell you.

Surprise fact! College will get you fucking nowhere except debt for 20+ years. Go to a trade school for a few thousand dollars and you'll be much better off in the long run. In college, you spend anywhere from $30,000 to $280,000 to get a piece of paper that says you know what "insert stupid shit here" is, while in trade school the most you will ever pay is $10,000, the whole education is 9 months long, and you learn only what you absolutely need to learn to do a certain job and, even better, you will almost immediately get a job in that field after finishing the trade course.

Unions are your best fucking friend. Don't let corporations like Walmart tell you otherwise. A Unions job is to help you keep yours. If you accidentally fuck up and the bean counters wanna fire you for it, the Union will put a pin in that and fight your case while you're sent home for a little bit, and 95% of the time, you will get to keep your job. The only requirement is that you are actually doing your job and not fucking off and eating a hole in in another person's pockets while doing absolutely nothing.

And finally, stop assuming that you have to move out of your parents house as soon as possible. You don't have to believe everything the ruling elite tells you. Here's another history lesson. Before the early 70's, it was expected and widely admired that young men and women lived with their parents well into their late twenties. The only stipulation was that they were helpful and contributed to the household and this made for a much more successful future for much of the youth in the 50's and 60's. I agree, things were easier back then, not to mention cheaper, but don't let anybody, much less your pride, tell you that you don't need help. Ask for help, build your life on security and your life will be so much easier.

That's all I've got for now. If you didn't understand anything or have a different issue that I haven't addressed, fuck off to my inbox. I'm an asshole, but I still care about the world.

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Oooooookiedokie, let's get into an old ass meme that gets on my nerves. It is currently 7:30 A.M., I've gotten exactly 2 hours and 17 minutes of sleep, and this cunt here popped up on my timeline after several years of her idiot comment being lost to the sands of time, so forgive me if some of what I say sounds like gibberish.

For anybody who doesn't know who this shining example of human stupidity is, her name is Claudia Restrepo, an LA based actress/writer/producer/director, and BuzzFeed attention whore. Commonly known for her hand in films such as Lesbian Princess (2016), Miss Earth (2014) and I'm OK (2017), she is also known as the Feminazi against the gaming industry as a whole. April 23rd, 2015, BuzzFeed had rounded up a handful of feminists with the intention of having them play, in my opinion, the worst game to ever be pushed out of the woodworks of human creativity; Grand Theft Auto. The particular game in question was Grand Theft Auto 5, and if you can't already tell how much of a trainwreck this decision was, you need to go back to fucking school.

To paraphrase the games basic idea, it appeals to the ideal of commiting heinous crime, doing and dealing drugs, and has corrupted today's youth with a false ideal of how to achieve success. Caught on yet? I would fuckin' hope so, because that's where this shit storm started.

Back to the topic at hand, these braindead social media circus monkeys decided it was a fantastic idea to have women who already hate men play a game tailored to brainwashing the male youth, so you can probably guess how well that went. In essence, it didn't. I think there was maybe one person out of the half dozen featured that actually enjoyed themselves, but Miss Claudia was by far the least impressed. Midway through the video, Claudia stated that she had written a blog post (and by the way who the fuck actually cares about your goddamn blog posts you heat seeking twat waffle?!) about why she "Fucking hates video games, because it appeals to the male fantasy." I don't know about you, but shooting hookers in the neck and collecting cars I'm never going to drive isn't really an appealing fantasy to me, and when the fuck was Kirby, Sonic The Hedgehog, or even fuckin' Katamari a male fantasy? The only appeal there is to video games is disassociating yourself from this shithole of a world for a couple hours so you don't take a shotgun to bring your kid to work day.

But, by the grace of every fucking deity that would see it fit to piss me off, the damage had been done. The feminazi's, hearing the rallying cry of one of their ranks, raised their flags against video games as a figure of "Male Empowerment" and misogyny. And now, everywhere I go on the internet, there's some vapid cunt ranting and raving about the evil of video games stealing women's rights. Now, I won't ignore that misogyny is a problem that needs to be addressed, but video games aren't the fuckin' source.

The only takeaway I have from this whole fucking social plumbing disaster is that Claudia was humiliated by her own words when the world made her a meme, and while funny, it did little to stop the damage she did. So fuck you very much, cunt.

I'm going back to bed.

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Not gonna point fingers, not gonna post names, but seriously...

STOP STARTING SHIT JUST TO SOUND TRENDY!!!

Aight, context.

I was on Twitter. Already a bad place for a hot temper like me to be, but anyway. I was browsing art, reading articles, and just generally trying to relax, when lo and behold, the ever oppressive hand of porn rolls through my feed. Now, to be fair, the post wasn't actually porn, it just featured a screenshot someone had took of someone starting a GoFundMe to build a real "Femboi Hooters". If you aren't familiar with this term, allow me to explain. The 'Femboi Hooters' thing was originally a drawing someone made to get popular on social media and it blew up into this years semi-popular meme. There, explanation over.

This person set up the GoFundMe asking for £50,000-£55,000 (I don't know what this converts into, I'm from America, our education sucks). Already, this account is racking up small note donations and has gained a lot of support and shares on social media, but one share in particular managed to pique my interest, and of course, it's someone bitching about the GoFundMe. As I said before, I'm not pointing fingers, I'm not naming names, but I will paste what was said:

"This money could literally go to black trans women but OKAY SURE 😃"

I've already got a few things to say about this, but I'm gonna have to leave a disclaimer because every time I make a post, I get a fuck ton of hate mail from you guys saying I'm racist or homophobic or some weird shit like that.

1: I'm not racist, nor do I have any disdain for people of color. I don't like anybody and I prefer to keep it that way because I have enough shit in my life fucking up my blood pressure.

2: I'm not homophobic, transphobic, or whatever-the-fuck-you-are-phobic. I myself am attracted to both male and females, but I don't date because people piss me off.

And lastly: I'm not bashing on people out of hate, I'm bashing on people because your devices piss me off.

Back to our regularly scheduled aneurysm.

What I'm most curious about is why the hell do people feel the need to criticize and start shit over other shit that isn't even relevant to the topic? Literally every day I am assaulted with posts, news articles, and rumors about shit that has nothing to do with the person bitching about it. Case in point, this cheap Ru Paul impersonator.

Okay, a bit unfair maybe, but lemme break it down for you. The GoFundMe page in question is going to tank regardless of who donated or how much money it makes. Would a femboy Hooters be a neat thing? Maybe, who the fuck knows. The problem is that it's gonna take way more than £50,000 to build an establishment that will pass city ordinance standards as well as paying for all resources and salaries required.

But you didn't finish the thought. Hate is a social construct built on prejudice and fed by religious and traditional stigma. The only way to eradicate the hate for trans individuals, members of the LGBT community, and whatever you choose to identify as is to peacefully protest and continue to garner support from the younger generations until the older generation has no choice but to accept the tides of change. Money will do absolutely nothing for you in your crusade for equality, so why are you bitching about something that is frivolous and motivated by sexual hunger, yet in the end, would actually help the equality movement progress?

Whatever, I'm done thinking about it, I'm going to bed.

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If you tell me you have a bad attitude or can't get along with somebody because of your zodiac, I will exercise my right to punch you in the throat.

[hard-reset-with-a-hammer]

Heyo, you shits! Time for another rant...

The next subject on the ever increasing list of shit that’s pissing me off is the social habits of people. You ever go on a social site like MeetMe, Tinder, really any site that notifies you when someone visits your page? I’m sure you quickly noticed that these sites (or apps, depending on your web browsing preference) are filled with the absolute shittiest people. I’m talking the kind of people who would question the absolute laws of physics if they thought it would make them look more interesting.

Exhibit A is the standard, yet ever infuriating “I Deserve Better Because I’m Pretty” basic bitch. The kind of double-decker-twat-sandwich that has a picture of her in her most scantily clad outfit, usually a micro bikini or clubbing gear that’s barely more than a thong and electrical tape, as her profile picture. These swamp monster looking elementary school dropouts that loses her absolute collective shit at every guy that visits her profile, accusing them of being perverted pieces of trash looking through her profile cause they need material for their Two-Terabyte Spank Bank, as if she’s perfectly innocent and not playing to a males baser animal instinct by displaying herself in such a provocative way. These kinds of two-cent slut muffins set my brain on explode every damn time I see them.

Oh, but don’t automatically think this is me bashing on women. There are guys that piss me off just as fuckin’ much!

Lemme ask you brainless twat’s something. Do you seriously think that you can moisten every pair of dollar store panties in the world just by lifting your shirt and flexing your abdominals? Oh yeah, don’t think I don’t know about your “abs”. Out of the literal thousands of you fuck boy cunts I’ve seen online, only a VERY small percentage of you have legitimately toned abs. The rest of you low rent high school stalkers can flex your abdominals all you want, but it ain’t fooling the rest of us. There are so many hints and giveaways when it comes to fake abs that I could write a damn book about it and publish it as a fuckin’ five part series. And the worst part is, you fuck-knuckles think you’re such hot shit that you make an absolute ass of yourselves 24/7, making the rest of us decent people look like shit. You wanna know why women hate men so much? Take a good look into your polished mirror buddy, and while you’re at it, practice on not flexing every time you see your fuckin’ reflection, you vain twat!

Aight, that’s it for now. I’ve vented and am ready to re-enter society without risk of throttling some random asshole.

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Y'know, I'm kinda sick of seeing people hate each other for stupid reasons. That person is a leftist, that person supports Trump, that person is white, that person is black, he's a cop, she's a 'Karen', he's a 'simp', she said something weird. What the fuck..?

I have legitimately lost all faith in humanity as a whole because people just straight up refuse to not hate. I have seen some of the most fucked up shit about cops in the last two months than I have in the last two years, and it's sickening. Just because a handful of people in law enforcement were just plain horrible people doing the shadiest shit imaginable, everybody damns all cops for the same shit. Does it not occur to you that these men and women have bills to pay or families to feed? I hate that I have to scroll through pages worth of cop-hate every time I get on social media because people hate being moderated so damn much that they have to socially attack these men and women who risk their lives catching the serial killer that very well could have shown up on your door the next day. Imagine how sick with anger I felt when one of my long time friends, someone I've known for years who knows a good number of my own family and friends are cops, posted a controversial picture stating that the "Support Our Boys In Blue" flag is the flag flown by pedophiles. Are you serious?!

Oh, but I'm not done being pissed off, no sir.

Why the fuck are we so against staying indoors? We do that anyway! Oh, but it's because we were told to, isn't it? Yep, we all wanna stay inside and watch TV and play video games when it's our own decision to make, but when we're told "Hey! We need to stay inside so this thing can stop happening!", We get pissy and revolt like we've been done a grave injustice. Some people are comparing the quarantine as slavery. Mother! Fucking! Slavery! Are you people fucking serious?! Are you really that goddamn simple?! Are you so fucking fragile that you legitimately feel that having to stay indoors and forego an outing with your friends, not get a haircut, and not being able to eat out is comparable to getting branded, having your foot cut off, working in sweltering heat with no pay, and getting your back whipped until flesh gave way to bone?!

And now we have people of our OWN GODDAMN COUNTRY acting like fucking terrorists. I don't care what you people say, these people did not come in peace, they were not silently protesting the quarantine, and they certainly weren't exercising their rights in a casual manner. They were straight up performing an act of terrorism. I guaran-fucking-tee you, if a single one of those men were black, Hispanic, Indian, Asian, or whatever the hell you people hate, they would have been shot and I would be hearing about it on the news. But because every one of them was white, not a fucking thing was done. They were considered upstanding American men with a vision of freedom. Fuck no! They were carrying fully automatic rifles and dressed like fucking guerrilla soldiers, IN A PUBLIC, HEAVILY POPULATED AREA NONETHELESS!

But let's carry on, since I've probably already pissed a number of you off.

Are you people really so bored and lifeless that you can't get through a single day without starting some kind of damn rumor? Seriously, what is all this half baked bullshit I'm seeing literally fucking everywhere? Everywhere I look it's Nancy Pelosi, Obamagate, Carole Baskin, Hillary Clinton, Jeffery Epstein, Joe Biden, fuck this, fuck that, fuck me. How hard is it to mind your own damn business? No one that matters is gonna listen to your conspiracy theories, no matter if you're right or wrong, so quit stirring the damn pot already.

And why the hell are we still hating people for their sexual preference or who they identify as? What the fuck is the problem here?! It's not causing you any harm, and honestly, it's none of your damn business. Are you seriously going to tell me that the 0.5 seconds that your eyes glanced over that gay man in Walmart has ruined your whole damn life? Does your religion or own sexual preference really require you to hate and murder these people in cold blood? The hell happened to "Love Thy Neighbor"? Tell you what, I'm gonna give you a way to deal with all your problems. It's really simple, easy to follow, even a five year old can do it. You ready? Okay, pay close attention:

MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS AND GROW THE FUCK UP!!!

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“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”

(Source)

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Welp, apparently Tumblr is censoring intelligence as well.

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So I've been watching Markiplier for the last 4 years...

And a reoccurring theme I've noticed is that Mark always doubts his importance to us, his fans, versus the importance of the videos he uploads. I'm not sure if it's in all seriousness, or if that is truly what he believes, but if the latter is the case, I just want to say that when it comes to the Markiplier fanbase, there is nothing more important to us than you, Mark.

The playthroughs are fun, sometimes they're sad, and other times they make you really sit down and think about life as a whole and realise the limit at which we live with, and that inspires us to be better each and every day. We live our lives with a bit more purpose because we have someone to show us that it's not always going to be like this. We wont always be stuck in a loop of hardship and expense, and we've only to wait for the day where we can stand just as tall as our heroes. And you are that hero, Mark.

Your charity has inspired millions of people to be just as selfless as you and has saved the lives of countless men, women, mothers, fathers, and children. And it didn't stop at humans. You even reached out to the animal kingdom. Millions of people have witnessed you raise hundreds of thousands of dollars, just to give every bit of it back to those that needed it the most, and not a single penny went into your pocket. That by itself is the most beautiful act of charity I can think of.

Don't discredit your importance to us, because without you, none of what you've done would have ever been possible. Your gift for touching the lives of others and bringing out the best in us through simple playthroughs and skit videos is golden, but the man behind it all is the man we have all come to know and love as the goofy guy who brought joy into our hearts. We all love you Mark, and we will see YOU...

In the next video.

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This is what happens when I troll around Facebook. You can’t handle my kind of asshole-ish-ness.

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*Me In A Job Interview*

Boss Man: What Special training or talents do you have that you think would benefit the company?

Me: I can eat a pound of cheese and not regret it.

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I want to be a history teacher, and when I get there, this will be mandatory ciriculum

i cant even make it past the table of contents im laughing too hard

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I can't believe how hard I laughed at this

Your art is great, but I've noticed a severe lack of teats on your ponies. Why is that?

Well you see, ponies are not actually mammals. They’re actually a rare form of fish and therefore do not have mammary glands and do not lactate. 

Trust me. 

ahem….

I took high school biologi-physicsal-education.

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As you wish