hauntedselfkingdom

[hauntedselfkingdom]

spider8reath as portrayed in homestuck is maybe the funniest fucking ship in the world. imagine being john egbert and getting messaged by a girl who very blatantly attempts to crack your egg for a few hours and then she decides you're the best possible outlet for her emotional honesty and divulges her deepest regrets and fears to you and you've never even seen what she looks like. and then she dies and you have no idea and she goes on a date with the ghost of an alternate timeline version of you that died earlier but they don't really hit it off because the alt you doesn't know her at all. and then you find her ghost in a dream like two years later and her actions paint a different picture of her than the one you had before and by the end of the whole thing you've decided you kind of hate her. and you consider each other exes even though you never actually dated any version of her

[hauntedselfkingdom]

i do not ENDOGENIC, i do not WILLOGENIC, i do not MIXED ORIGIN, and if its not traumagenic IT IS NOT A SYSTEM

[hauntedselfkingdom]

Hello. I have made a fandom wiki for anti endo terms. I'm sending this ask to a bunch of anti endo term coiners / flag makers so you can consent to have your stuff on this?

https://antiendodictionary.fandom.com

oh that would be wonderful, feel free to put anything of mine on there!

[hauntedselfkingdom]

made some discoveries today about charcoal.

we used to think of charcoal as a persecutory part. theyd lash out and be irrational and rude, bpd split on people frequently, that sort of thing.

now, we label them as a caretaker. theyre also a younger part, around 12-13. their behavior is heavily affected by our bpd ups and downs, as well as our bipolar hypomanic and depressive episodes. a lot of their negative behavior is just them being more heavily affected by our comorbid disorders as a result of them being a younger part with less developed coping skills and a lack of safe space.

they really need to have a consistant media interest so they can engage in our fanboy hobbies like writing fic and drawing fanart, and generally being able to engage in the media of interest as a self regulatory tool. they dont always have that, especially the older we get, and thats caused them to lash out when fronting.

because theyre a caretaker, they front when we need to self sooth and take care of ourselves. unfortunately, being an adult, we arent always afforded convenient times to self sooth and self regulate. thats led to charcoal fronting at work before, lashing out, and trying to leave if possible so they can get home where they can do their job and self sooth.

what we thought was a persecutor is actually just a young caretaker whos willing to forgo adult responsibilities to get to their safe space. our one direction hyperfixation has been a really good outlet for them, letting them run a popular fanblog and starting up their ao3 again, having a small server of other 1D fans. it lets them be themself while not imposing on our daily life and responsibilities.

- toby

[hauntedselfkingdom]

Write about your system prompts/ask game

(You can use these as a personal list or an ask game. Only answer as much as you feel comfortable doing)

Who was the first alter you were aware of? Are they still around now? Was this before or after system discovery

What is your system count going off of vibes and not accuracy? How does it compare to the actual or estimated count

What terms do you use to describe yourself? Do you opt for more medical language or non-medical language? Do you have a preference either way?

Are there any popular system roles that your system either doesn't use or doesn't have?

What are your fronting patterns like? Anything you feel is unique to what you've seen online?

What percentage of time do you spend in front? How does this compare to others (number does not need to be exact)

How do levels of elaboration and distinctness range? Do most parts share the same levels of each, or does it range a lot? Does it range for one and not both?

Do you have an inner world? Did it exist upon system discovery or was it self created? Do you want one/do you use it often

How have internal dynamics changed overtime? this could be anything from structure to inner world to main fronters

Are there any common motifs or themes within your system

Assign a system superlative to anyone in your system (you can do multiple if you can think of them and you can also assign one to yourself)

Describe anything else about how your system works structurally you feel like sharing

Do you have any items that 'belong' to specific parts?

Do you share skills? What about method of utilizing them?

Are there parts you wish to connect to better with? You can also mention parts who you know want to connect with others

System pvp: who wins in a fight

System pvp: who could you never fight

System pvp: who is definitely losing

Do you know any systems irl

What are your thoughts on fusion? Have you considered it? How do other parts feel

[hauntedselfkingdom]

10 mindsets about my DID that have helped my system:

[This is solely for the sake of sharing experiences & supplying food for thought. This post is not implying these takes are the “right way” to view systemhood.]

1. We��re individuals and we’re parts of a whole. We see each other as people in our system, but in a different way than those in their own bodies. We share a brain. We share a life. I’m me, but I’m also him/her/them at the same time. If you take a piece out of a puzzle, it doesn’t cease to exist, right? It’s still its own object. It just doesn’t make much sense when it stands alone. We need each other to be truly complete.

2. Time keeps coming. I know it’s not an unlimited resource, but it’s not scarce either. Okay, so somebody in the system didn’t get to do what they planned today. They’ll do it tomorrow. No big deal. No need to fight about it or stress over “how I’ll ever manage all this”. We’ll simply give it another shot in the morning.

3. Reality is subjective. We’re a very philosophically-inclined system, and I could write books on what “reality is subjective” means. Basically, reality is based on perception. On a societal level, it is based in the common agreement of what something is. If anyone’s perception tests the limits of this common agreement, it is labeled as untrue. This ties into why DID is largely disbelieved; it doesn’t fit in with the common reality (perception) of the average person. So it is seen as fake. And, well, if I’m going to be told I’m wrong for the most basic, inherent part of this disorder… I don’t really care if they disagree with any other aspect of it. My reality is different. That’s okay.

4. There is no original. I strongly believe the Theory of Structural Dissociation. Maybe science will prove it wrong with a more suitable theory to take its place in the future, but it’s what I roll with at the moment. Now, to us, this translates as “there is no original/we were all the original”. We’re Adventure Time fans, so we think of it like the “Mother Gum”. If all of the Mother Gum broke off into people (like PB & Neddy), no specific one of them would be “the original”. Rather, they’d all be repurposed parts of the original whole. (In a less serious way, we like to say “we all came from the primordial personality soup”.)

5. Our body is shared equally. We’ve decided our body has its own identity & “look” that helps represent us as a whole, but doesn’t take after one member specifically. In a gnawingly self-aware way, I know this is a further form of dissociation. But adopting this view changed a lot for us in a positive way. We don’t fight about hair or clothes anymore, we don’t have discomfort around our legal name, we don’t even really have struggles with gender/sexuality anymore. (We identify differently internally, but externally we identify as nonbinary & bisexual. Even if the person fronting at the moment is, for example, a gay man.)

6. Be open-minded to what happens internally. Seems straightforward enough, but we’ve wasted a lot of time trying to “make rules” for each other in the system. The biggest example I can think of is in-system dating. Around 10 years ago, as we became more aware of each other, it became clear that two system members were basically in love. We immediately became defensive. We told them that they couldn’t do that, that two system members being together was absurd & “impossible”. (This view became stronger after discovering online system spaces & “fakeclaimers” that come with it.) Though we regret it now, we shamed those two a lot in the hopes they’d drop it. They didn’t. About 3 years later it became an actual problem. They didn’t trust us; they were fronting & we were coming back to absolutely no memory of it (we usually have a vague idea at least). Eventually, they wrote us a whole thing about how they were going to be together & there was really nothing anyone could do about it, seeing as we couldn’t technically keep them apart. In modern day, we’ve had an in-system couple recently fuse. Upon reflection, we were standing in the way of genuine healing by trying to break up the first two, and we did so solely out of shame. As long as it isn’t genuinely causing harm, we try to be accepting of each other these days. This applies to a lot of other aspects; how system members appear internally, the pronouns and/or identity labels they choose, anything to do with how system members engage with each other, our differing individual perceptions of an event, etc.

7. We don’t have to like each other, but we do have to love each other. Mostly because, if we don’t, we’re holding hatred for ourself. There are certainly members of my system I would never choose to befriend if we were actually separate people, but we’re not, and we don’t get to act like we are. So even though it’s hard, I’m learning to love every piece that makes up “me”, no matter how difficult they try to make it at times.

8. Nobody’s system works like mine except for mine. Meaning, no two systems are going to be alike, and experiences aren’t often going to translate perfectly. This is true for people who aren’t systems as well— everyone’s experience is going to be different, because nobody is wired exactly the same way. Once I took that to heart, it became easier to focus on my own way of being. I could take the pieces of represented/online systemhood that resonate with me & leave the rest (which probably resonates with someone else).

9. There’s a reason for everything. This kind of ties back into the ‘we have to love each other’ thing. Each component of the system is a clue regarding how to move forward. We had someone in the system getting really uptight & controlling, to a point that it was irritating, but, taking a step back, we recognized it was a response to feeling a lack of control. Instead of simply getting angry at him for how he was acting, we were able to address the problem. My collective self is more laid-back for it.

10. It’s okay not to focus on it all. DID is a part of my life for the rest of it, whether I like it or not, but it’s nice to let it be a background thing every once in a while. Who’s fronting? Who cares. What roles do we have? I don’t know. Who’s this new person in my head? I’ll figure it out later. We’re making it through as a team, and sometimes that’s enough.

[hauntedselfkingdom]

i see trans women/fems talk extensively about how they have never had access to male privilege and i wonder why its so difficult for many to accept that trans men/mascs also never have access to male privilege

both of these things can and should coexist

[hauntedselfkingdom]

DID/OSDD alter roles we’ve coined! this is just for fun, feel free to use.

inspired by @butterednuttered! all credit to them for the idea, we thought it was really neat and wanted to do our own. i hope this is okay!

CERBERUS: a Cerberus alter guards certain alters, subsystems/sidesystems, or locations in the innerworld. they might keep locations/alters/groups of alters from being discovered, keep alters or groups of alters from interacting, protect locations/alters/groups of alters, etcetera.

GARDENER: a Gardener alter provides long-term care to a specific alter or group of alters. they might act as a therapist, mentor, parent, or caretaker to the alters under their care.

ACADEMIC: an Academic alter is an alter who fronts to handle academia & education such as homework, absorbing information from lectures, study groups, research, etcetera.

HELLFIRE: a Hellfire alter is an anger holder. they might not act on their anger, but they exist to process and feel anger for the system. their anger may be extremely intense and never fully fade due to their role.

JESTER: a Jester alter uses humor in order to diffuse tension. they might tell jokes, pull pranks, pretend to be extremely clumsy, etcetera to get others to laugh at them or with them.

TREASURER: a Treasurer alter is an alter who handles finances for a system. they may do things like hide passwords, budget, make sure others aren’t spending money, etcetera.

MIRROR (specific to autistic systems): a Mirror alter is a form of social protector who mirrors others in order to mask. they might study mannerisms & expressions in media, create and memorize scripts for social situations, absorb and mirror the mannerisms and language of others, etcetera.

HOLLOW: a Hollow alter is an amnesia holder for the system. their amnesia is more intense than baseline for the system, such as experiencing blackout amnesia when the system normally experiences grey-out amnesia.

WATCHER: a Watcher alter is an alter who doesn’t show themself to the others, but is always watching. they may be at the corner of the system’s mind, but other alters may never get a grasp on them unless they choose to reveal themself.

LOCKBOX: a Lockbox alter is a trauma holder who continually takes memories of trauma as they happen and is the only one (or one of a few) who has access to those memories.

WARDEN: a Warden alter enforces rules within the system. they may punish or limit alters who disobey or break rules. some may be persecutors, others protectors.

[hauntedselfkingdom]

not exactly asking for a coining thing unless u want but do you know if there is a term for when the most active alter has a singlet partner and the rest of the system most of the time will just see them as platonic or smth?? i feel like thats too oddly specific but idk

MONOALTER SPECIFIC ATTRACTION

Monoalter specific attraction is a term for when only one alter feels attraction towards a person, while the rest of the system feels platonic/non-romantic feelings towards the person. The specific term for a host would be host-specific attraction, possible variants would be ‘gatekeeper specific attraction/persecutor specific attraction/protector specific attraction’ etc etc!

I hope this helps anon! I couldn’t find a term for this so we made our own. I guess an abbreviation could be M.A.S.A? We dunno!

The pinkish-red represents love, the off-white pink represents romantic exclusivity, while the navy blue also represents exclusivity!

no credit needed to use this flag/term!

endos do not use this term. make ur own flag/term.

[hauntedselfkingdom]

Beesecutor

Bee Persecutor / Bee Prosecutor

[no id / flags by @plural-userboxes]

A Beesecutor or Bee Persecutor/Prosecutor is a system/plural/collective role label for a headmate who only acts as a persecutor or prosecutor when they feel threatened, similar to how a bee will only sting something when it feels threatened.

They could feel they themself are threatened, other headmate(s) are threatened, or the system as a whole is threatened. They may jump to conclusions based on how they feel and become hostile as a protection method.

Similar to: Persecutorflux, Prosecutorflux, Avenger

Term coined by me

[hauntedselfkingdom]

term coining!!!

acoustic guitar - someone who presents masculinely through their appearance, but femininely through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

electric guitar - someone who presents femininely through their appearance, but masculinely through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

piano - someone who presents femininely through their appearance, but neutrally through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

bass - someone who presents masculinely through their appearance, but neutrally through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

drum - someone who presents androgynously/neutrally through their appearance, but masculinely through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

tamborine - someone who presents androgynously/neutrally through their appearance, but femininely through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

ukulele - someone who presents femininely through their appearance, but xenine through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

clarinet - someone who presents masculinely through their appearance, but xenine through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

flute - someone who presents androgynously/neutrally through their appearance, but xenine through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

accordion - someone who presents xenine through their appearance, but femininely through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

cello - someone who presents xenine through their appearance, but masculinely through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

violin - someone who presents xenine through their appearance, but neutrally/androgynously through other means; names, pronouns, actions, etc.

feel free to add onto this presentation system or make flags. i will likely do flags for these when i have the spoons.

[hauntedselfkingdom]

Since everyone uses AGAB to refer to way more shit than what it should be used for, here's some suggestions.

Instead of "AFAB/AMAB childhood", say "raised as a girl/boy" or "imposed female/male in childhood", you could even say your SIG was male or female, this would be a fine use of intersex terminology by perisex people.

Not everyone AMAB was raised as a boy. Not everyone AFAB was raised as a girl. Some (intersex) people were even legally, socially, and/or medically Reassigned a Gender After Birth (RGAB). You should not use AGAB when referring to what someone was raised as, because it erases people who weren't raised the way you'd expect.

Instead of "AFAB/AMAB bodies", say words you mean, if you are talking about periods, say periods, if you are talking about penises, say penis, if you are talking about breast development, say breast development, if you are talking about a vulva, say vulva, if you are talking about testosterone puberty, say testosterone puberty.

If you are looking for words to replace "male" and "female" as not to misgender trans people, say "people with TWDP" or "people with TMDP" Note this terminology only applies to perisex people, including people who have had these traits changed later in life, or had their development altered by outside influences, you could say folks like this have an Altered-TSDP, (Typical Sex Development Pathway) if it is relevant.

Not everyone AMAB has (or had) the same body parts, testosterone puberty, hormone levels, or voices. Not everyone AFAB has (or had) the same body parts, estrogen puberty, hormone levels, menstruation, or voices. Using AGAB to refer to these things erases people who don't fit into this binary, such as intersex people, and trans people who started their transition in childhood and had access to puberty blockers.

Instead of "AFAB trans people and AMAB trans people", say "trans people - ", and then talk about whatever specific thing you're using AGAB as a substitute for.

There is no reason to group sex variant people by what they were assigned at birth (a system of oppression against sex variant people) and then tack on a bunch of perinormative and transphobic assumptions about the rest of their lives based on that assignment.

If you do that, you are being intersexist and transphobic. You are just participating in the further oppression of sex variant people.

[hauntedselfkingdom]

Discussion Shorthand TSDP, TMDP, TWDP - Stop using AGAB to refer to people's bodies.

TSDP - Typical Sex Development Pathway - referrs to perisex people's sex traits.

Altered-TSDP or A-TSDP- referring to perisex people who have altered their sex traits, such as via medical transition. To be used when relevant.

I dislike using the words male and female to refer to sex traits because it misgenders trans people with those sex traits. And I also just don't believe in "biological sexes" to begin with.

TMDP (Typical Mullarian Developmental Pathway)- referring to typical/perisex development of characteristics such as breasts, vulva, uterus, ovaries, etc.

Examples of people with TMDP

(perisex) cis women

(perisex) trans men

some (perisex) nonbinary people.

TWDP (Typical Wolffian Developmental Pathway)- referring to typical/perisex development of characteristics such as facial hair, penis, scrotum, testicles, prostate, etc.

Examples of people with TWDP

(perisex) cis men

(perisex) trans women

some (perisex) nonbinary people.

What if someone has/had neither TWDP or TMDP traits? They are intersex.

This exists for the purpose of talking about anatomy/medical needs as well as for the purpose of explaining how intersex variations differ from perisex sex traits without using the words male/female, as just using those terms further reinforces the coupling of gender and sex traits. I believe all sex traits should be completely decoupled from gender.

[hauntedselfkingdom]

y'all. please please please, do not just be weird. be complicated too. have a bunch of different pronouns, have a dozen names, have a hundred labels for you experience or have not a single one because it's too complicated to even explain

Be complicated, and be complicated with courage

[hauntedselfkingdom]

PRE-HOST

endos/non-traumagenic and supporters, proshippers, and radqueer, dni

DEFINITION: An alter whose role is to become host or co-host in the future. (This can also be only if certain conditions are met.)