headassholeofthemagnusinstitute - Tumblr blog

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

Y'know... We always look at Gerry like "look at everything he's done with himself!" or "He's so cool."

Can we just take one minute to truly appreciate the absolutely traumatic life this boy had? I mean imagine walking in on your mother skinning herself alive and asking for your help. You leave and end up getting charged for her murder, and as if that wasn't enough your mother *comes back* and haunts you for another five years.

Not to mention everything else Gerry had to do...

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

Oh work in the archives they said!

It'll teach you wonderful skills they said!

....

WELL IT TOOK MY BLOODY SANITY 😭 and almost all my humanity 🥺

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

Alright but can we talk about the last lines from as the world caves in?

"Oh it's you that I lie with

As the atom bomb locks in.

Oh it's you... I welcome death with...

As the world... As the world... Caves... In...."

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

If Jmart did get married somewhere else one of the strongest and most foundational aspects of their marriage, besides the whole being deeply in love best friends thing, is that unerringly they want to Leave events at the exact same time. At first Jon will be like "oh Martin seems to be enjoying socializing but I'm Done with being here :(" and Martin not two minutes later will be like "hey do you mind getting out of here? I know we've only been here an hour but every part of me wants to be a home with a cuppa in my jimjams with you on one side and our cat on the other" they'll be in a public space like a museum or park and the moment Martin goes from enjoying himself to vibrating out of his skin bc the crowds are too much Jon ALWAYS is like "I'm tired are you okay with calling it a day?" and Martin's like "Jon you're the perfect man. Did you know that?? I hope you know that" even though Jon's leg is just hurting and he wants to rest it. and THAT'S why they're soulmates

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

Nothing quite like listening to your own death.

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

Working for the Eye in today's world;

"So I found this "TIFU by" post on Reddit and I think you'd like it Eye."

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

Let's be real for a second

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

local artist is physically incapable of drawing anything other than jon and/or martin

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

do you ever get incandescently furious about how utterly unquotable some of the most hard-hitting lines from the magnus archives are. how the fuck do i explain to someone without context why i—open—the door is legitimately horrifying. how am i supposed to explain why “i see you, jon. …i see you” can elicit tears without sounding batshit. how do i convey the unspeakable emotion in “helen… was that a lie?” without first giving 186 episodes of backstory

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

But I love him anyway 💚

“Oh, Martin saw Jon be a complete mess of a human being and thought I can fix him and that was the reason his crush started”

you fools. you absolute circus clowns. you avatars of pure silliness.

Martin is EXACTLY as unhinged as Jon even before they ever meet each other, and becomes even more so after we meet him. Behold:

List of Reasons why Martin Kartin Blackwood is just as (if not more) unhinged than his avatar-of-all-evil-knowledge-boyfriend:

in order to get a job, he lied on his CV. Not too bad, fuck academic elitism, etc, but this man. claimed to have a very specific degree in a very specific field. and then he got hired. because of that degree

and no one noticed. for ten whole years.

(except the head of the institute, which doesn’t count bc he’s an evil mind reading bastard)

Also claimed to be like ten years older than he really was (him and jon share this unhinged fun fact which is fuckin wild)

ALSO also didn’t have a middle name so just kinda. gave himself a middle initial. for funsies.

let a dog into a building bc it tricked him with its cute face

but also carried out a con for months on an avatar of an evil fear god by just. frowning and nodding.

could have been an avatar of manipulation and control, instead decided to be in love. icon.

actually, could have been an avatar of three different fear gods. said no thanks I will be in love instead ty

boss is specifically an asshole to him. decides to fall in love anyway.

had to be told to put his hands in his pockets so he would stop touching plastic explosives

wanted to kill an old man bc one time that old man kind of threatened to throw him off a rollercoaster

after being trapped in his flat for three weeks by a bug lady, brought a jar full of her bugs with him back to work to prove a point

willing to damn an unknowable number of other realities

met himself. he was an asshole. to himself.

“sorry elias I can’t hear you there’s a door in the way”

decided with no evidence that he was going to take his bf on a hiking trip and figure out a way to shove the fear gods back into their little box

has dreams of making out with his bf over their ex-boss’s corpse

“Hey, Elias! J o n a h M a g n u s !!!!! …. OI DICKHEAD”

big strong rowing arms

(that’s not unhinged i just wanted everyone to remember that martin has big strong arms good for rowing and giving hugs)

thinks tea is cure to all emotional ills

certainly has a large fun patterned jumper collection at home

also advocates that he and his bf “get their murder on”

stole a possibly evil tape recorder to record poetry bc lo-fi vibes

spent several months talking to tape recorders more than humans

wants his bf to do a murder on a hot death man bc he was jealous

[headassholeofthemagnusinstitute]

I've just realized I've been trapped here. Send help.