heartmeadows

[heartmeadows]

I don't know if I'll be returning to simming in the autumn. I can't afford a new SSD and I don't have time to give Linux a try, and I can't get TS2 or TS3 to properly work on Windows anymore. There's always something that's wrong.

And to be honest, I've been spending most of my time outdoors and plan to spend as much as I can throughout the year no matter the weather. I feel so alive being active and resting only a few times a day. I've been busy taking care of our dogs, cats, bunnies and horse together with my mum. And the rest of the time I'm either walking and hanging out in the woods or swimming and tanning by our pond. Even when I'm journaling it's taxing to my body because sitting isn't exactly resting to me.

I've never enjoyed summer before! In all 31 years of my life this is the first time I've tanned properly because I've never spent as much time outdoors as this summer. I'm actually happy now. My body is getting stronger and healthier naturally by being active -I'm eating healthier, too - and I'm slowly but surely losing extra weight. I'm no longer tired all the time. In the morning I get to drink coffee and then it's time to take care of our animals. It makes me so happy to lead this kind of life. I plan to stay active because it helps with my mental health so much.

So, I might not return to simming until winter or perhaps not at all.

[heartmeadows]

Coffee & journaling

[heartmeadows]

Tonight was lovely!

9pm by the lean-to in the forest in the middle of nowhere, with a wolf pack in the area. We're so blessed to live nearby.

[heartmeadows]

Long time no see! I've been enjoying the summer a lot this year. ItS the first time in my whole life so far that I actually enjoy summer and spend most of my time outdoors. I've been swimming in our pond (which you can see in the first photo), journaling, taking photos, cooking and eating with family, going for walks in the forest, picking mushrooms and wildflowers and taking care of our animals. I'm so happy.

I hope you are doing well yourself! I miss swimming but I'll keep focusing on real life for a while still.

[heartmeadows]

17.6.25 morning thoughts

[heartmeadows]

Hi Lena! Is that your horse in those photos?

Yes, it's my mum's horse so basically our family's horse :)

[heartmeadows]

My latest journal spread 💛💙

[heartmeadows]

Morning coffee in the garden

[heartmeadows]

Trying to take a pretty photo of flowers in front of Epona but instead he tries to eat them

[heartmeadows]

I was talking with this guy (as friends) for a few weeks and we seemed to vibe. But last night while I was taking about feeling depressed and suicidal the past few days he, totally out of blue, ignored everything I wrote and started talking about "body counts" and how "men are always more pure than women". There were no signs whatsoever he was one of those... I called him out and blocked him on the spot, not even waiting for a reply. So much for making friends 😒

[heartmeadows]

First selfie in years. I've been feeling so ugly I couldn't stand seeing my face. It just took time to get used to not wearing make up and how different my face looks as I've gained weight. You can barely see my nose freckles, though, but trust me, there's plenty!

[heartmeadows]

"but there is something that happens when you are told you are too much. you begin to ask everyone, "how small would you like me?""

[heartmeadows]

Ever shared something you wrote that expressed something that meant a lot to you and was cathartic to put in words, and all they said was "that's deep" or something just as uninterested and invalidating? Like, okay this thing that brings me hope and lifts me up is nothing to you?

Then I shared it with someone else (who was struggling, too) and they were left speechless, and told me they'd need to think and ponder about those words I wrote, and thanked me. And that they had no idea I was so creative. Perhaps my words will bring hope to them just as much they did to me.

[heartmeadows]

"In the darkest hour, I long for the light. I only sleep for the hope of another dawn. Sometimes my heart still aches. Oh, but it beats still, too; for love makes my blood flow. I may hurt still but joy has become my home. I always return home."

I started writing this during a moment I was hurting yet the words lead to something hopeful. The text on the page is missing a word in these photos, but here it is anyway.

[heartmeadows]

[heartmeadows]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Lena (@bruisedmooons)

I couldn't post this directly but check this out of you're vibing with my summer posts 🌿💚💜

[heartmeadows]

My latest journal spreads 🌿