heartytireddanny

[heartytireddanny]

[heartytireddanny]

10 Tips for Writing (Good) Smut

so. let’s do this.

About a year ago, I had to read a book for my school’s summer reading assignment called How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas Foster. It’s not a bad book, pretty decent actually, but there was this one chapter about sex scenes in literature. And one of the first sentences was along the lines of “writing sex is boring.”

and I did a double-take. Bc in my experience, that is absolutely not the case, and if you do find yourself bored while writing smut, then you’re not doing it right. See, Thomas’s main argument was that there’s only so many ways you can write sex scenes, because there’s only so many sex acts you can choose from. (My boy Thomas is clearly a vanilla dude, but let’s not hold that against him.) 

But one of the most important things to keep in mind while writing smut is that it’s not necessarily just about the act itself. So while Thomas is right that there are limits as to how many ways ppl can have sex, he failed to realize that writing sex is about a LOT more than that. And I’m gonna prove it to you.

Seguir leyendo

[heartytireddanny]

prompts about a chaotic villainous found family? :3c

“Oh, dibs on the shovel talk!”

“No way, you can’t dibs that! Whoever gets to [hero] first gets the right-”

“Uh, I think you’ll find as the officially elected team dad-”

“As the oldest-”

“As the scariest-”

“As the only one actually willing to kill [hero] if they break his heart-”

“None of you are giving [hero] the shovel talk! I can take care of myself.” He softened as disappointment swept their shared lair. “Though I do appreciate the care, and I’ll consider all of you for the murder squad if [hero] does anything particularly egregious.”

-----

“We told you if you crossed the borders of our city, you had to pay the price. Don’t get all squirmy now we caught you. You knew the risks you were taking.”

“I- please. Please, mercy.”

“No mercy from [villain squad], I’m afraid. you have to come to movie night whether you like it or not.”

“...Wait, what?”

-----

“Oh and that’s [assassin].” They waved in the direction of the seemingly empty shadows in the corner. “They’re like our lurking, murderous older cousin who only shows up to family reunions to start drama and steal all the good chips. But that’s fine, because we love them. And because they taught all of us how to dispose of a body.”

“Damn,” said the potential new recruit. “Do they offer classes or is this a learn on the job situation? Because I know this handsy hero and I wouldn’t mind facilitating an...introduction.”

-----

“Wait,” said their hero, “I thought you didn’t have a family? Lone wolf motif and all that.”

The villain groaned. “Yeah, I was. Until [supervillain] decided I was in need of adopting for ‘safety’ and ‘community’ and ‘doing something about your attitude issues’ reasons. It’s like a kidnapping with extra steps.”

“Oof. That sounds exactly when I got inducted into the hero’s league. Do you have bimonthly check-ins too?”

“Worse. We have group movie nights and mandatory therapy sessions.”

“Ouch.”

-----

“Ugh, you’re such a parent.”

The superhero laughed at their counterpart. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? You have four villains, two sidekicks, a thief, an assassin, and an occasional vigilante trailing after your like ducklings after their mother. I’m not the only one with a menagerie of adopted kids.”

“No, no I- wait. Oh god. No.”

-----

“I don’t want to be a part of your weird sisterhood! Stop trying to seduce me with promises of health insurance and cool gear!”

“We also have dental coverage and underwear specifically designed to go under spandex.”

“...That’s criminal. Bribery of the highest order. I’m calling the heroes on all of you.”

-----

thank you for commissioning these! if anyone else would like to commission a prompt set my kofi is here <3

[heartytireddanny]

whispers of poison

[heartytireddanny]

but first, a quick souvenir--

-

more windbreaker comics

[heartytireddanny]

Prompt #3500

“I’m aware,” they said quietly, “that the League doesn’t think I’m good enough to be your nemesis. Not strong enough, not deadly enough, not famous enough. And they’re right. So why are you resisting being swapped out?”

“Because of you, idiot. It will always be because of you.”

[heartytireddanny]

Wizards have as much faith in magic as software designers have in software - none at all. A wizard is explaining to the rest of the party why they won't use magic to solve all their problems.

[heartytireddanny]

Lmao my WIP

The villain decides to do the classic "team up to defeat a common foe" trope but it's been taking a lot longer than they had expected,the heroes are getting emotionally attached and it's starting to get weird.

[heartytireddanny]

Imagine a villain straight refusing to fight another member of the Hero Team just cuz his hero archnemesis is not present

"Where are they?"

"Oh, not again." The protagonist could feel a headache coming on. "Look-"

"-Are they hurt?" The villain's eyes went dark and dangerous. "Who hurt them?"

"They're fine! Oh my god."

"Then where are they?"

The protagonist definitely had a headache. "It's their day off."

"They didn't tell me they had the day off. What's wrong?"

The really concerning part was that the hero probably would tell the villain which days they were working and which they weren't. The two of them were as bad as each other! The hero was going to be unbearable when they came back and found out that the team had fought the villain without them.

"Can we just get this over with?" the protagonist tried.

"No."

The protagonist sighed. They pinched the bridge of their nose and took a few deep breaths. "Okay," they said slowly. "But you realise I'm still going to have confiscate your nightmare robot."

"It's not for you. And don't think I didn't notice you dodging the question!"

The protagonist considered their options; lies, truth, everything in between.

The villain's nightmare robot hunkered down a little more pointedly in the middle of the bridge. Several people honked their horns. It was, honestly, embarrassing for everyone involved at that point.

"Their grandma died."

"Oh no." The villain's whole face softened. "Grandma L or Grandma P?"

Of course he knew the hero's grandparents. Of course he did. "Look, about the robot-"

"-I'll reschedule," the villain said.

"I can't let you keep the robot. My boss would have my head."

"That sounds like a 'you' problem. I have flowers to send."

The protagonist's eye twitched. "If you try and walk away with it-"

"-Do you really want to traumatize this entire bridge of innocent civilians?"

"I'm sure they're traumatized having to listen to you two idiots on a weekly basis."

"I'm taking the robot. When are they back?"

"They haven't said," the protagonist said, through gritted teeth. "As you know-"

"-They'll be doing all the funeral arrangements. Yeah. You know what, give me their number. I'll text them."

"I'm not giving you their number."

"Why not?"

"It's against policy."

"I'd like to express my condolences."

The protagonist looked them dead in the face. "Mm. That sounds like a 'you' problem. I have a robot to confiscate."

The robot slammed a fist into the bridge. It wobbled precariously.

The protagonist raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. They folded their arms across their chest.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" the villain snarled.

"I hate you too, don't worry."

"I should kill you."

"They'd have so much paperwork when they got back from the funeral. It would really improve their month, you killing me."

They ended up glaring at each other.

"If I give you the bloody stupid robot, will you give me their number?"

The protagonist smiled sweetly. "That's the only smart thing I've ever heard you say."

Everyone, generally, preferred it when the hero was around.

They all made sure it didn't happen again.

[heartytireddanny]

concept:

supervillain × henchman with the twist that the supervillain is a sort of cartoon foppish dramatic gay villain with gonzo schemes and no bodycount. and the henchman is secretly a grimdark ultrapowerful Apex Predator supervilllain who came to Stake Out the competition. got mistaken for a henchman and found this so fucking funny hes just 100% committed to the bit.

hes carrying around boxes of fucking Acme Corporation sticks of dynamite. hes dressing in the matching stylish outfit. hes managing the other henchmen to execute gonzo schemes flawlessly. genuinely the most fun hes ever had in his life

his dumbass gay boss has literally no idea the lengths he is going to behind the scenes to make sure nobody interferes with any of this shit.

(apex supervillain, in his Supervillain Disguise. homoerotically and terrifyingly flirt/threatens flamboyant supervillain. smash cut to this poor man lying face down on a couch unpacking this with the very attentive henchman)

("hes going to eat me maybe????? but GOD that was the HOTTEST fucking thing thats ever happened to me. but i might DIE?? do u think he LIKES me...."

henchman: i think he does :3)

the ruse comes out when someone who the apex supervillain didnt catch comes to ACTUALLY challenge/harm his gay boss in public and apex supervillain is like. yeah no we're not doing this. time for the power of unfathomable violence.

gay supervillain promptly has a FULL MELTDOWN. oh my god the blood. and also. "you LIED TO ME???"

apex supervillain, apologetically: "I was waiting to see if you'd ever figure it out yourself. And the longer it went the funnier it got."

gay supervillain: "I TRUSTED you!! you were my BEST HENCHMAN"

apex supervillain: aw. past tense?

[heartytireddanny]

List of things to do, "Ring check, dinner with my parents and hers check. Plan to tell her I'm secretly a 150 year elf check. Plan to tell her she needs to defeat my eldest sister in open combat to prove her worth. Work in progress. She's from Texas I'm sure she'll be fine."

[heartytireddanny]

So we can all agree that Percy and Annabeth would drop the most insane Dad and Mom lore respectively, right?

[heartytireddanny]

Gotta keep a straight face u guys

based on this post

[heartytireddanny]

Dick: Do we really force you to do things you don't want to do?

Tim: Yeah, but it's okay.

Bruce: How is it okay?

Tim: I promised myself if I ever got a family I'd do whatever they said. Really, I'm lucky you found me before a cult did.

[heartytireddanny]

Hi Ginger please can I have some prompts regarding a scientist seeing themselves a parent figure to their experiments/test subjects (whether human or otherwise)? Can be in a heroes and villains setting but doesn’t have to be

"Don't touch them."

"Why? It's not human, it's not even truly alive. It's just another thing you cooked up in your lab-"

"And your child is just some cells you marinated in your womb for nine months." The scientist reached out to scratch their beloved creation behind the ears. "This one took years of tender love and care to bring into the world, and they're all the more precious for it."

-----

"I'm your mother-"

"What kind of 'mother' orders experiments on their own child! Has them pushed and pulled, locked up, stabbed and shocked and-"

"It was for your own good. If we don't weaken your powers-"

"I'll, what, die? From the powers you put in me?" They scoffed. "Better a short happy life than a miserable long one. Better a chance at a real family than whatever the hell you are."

-----

Scientist crouched down outside the cage, trembling hands fiddling with tiny slivers of metal. "Don't worry, don't panic, don't be scared-"

"I'm not," replied the experiment, "even if you are. What are you doing?"

"Getting you out of here. I've been taking lock picking classes for weeks and-"

"Why?"

"Because they're going to dispose of you," they confessed, all in a rush. "And I can't allow that."

"Why?"

Scientist's exhale shook, but their gaze was steady. "Because I helped create you. You're the only offspring I'll ever have, and I love you as much as anyone loves their child. And no child deserves to die alone in the dark. So let's go."

[heartytireddanny]

In universe, Dick Grayson's equivalent of Bruce dropping out of med school is absolutely everyone demanding to know why he didn't go to the Olympics with his gymnastics abilities.

[heartytireddanny]

bruce wayne maintains a presence on all conspiracy theory boards with the screen name BruceWayneIsTheBatman and all his posts have titles like “BRUCE WAINE IS BAT-MAN INDISPUTABLE PROOF” and it’s just a picture of Bruce Wayne from the back next to a picture of Batman from behind and they both have the contours of their butt drawn on in a shitty MSPaint red line (note: Bruce is in a suit and Batman has a cape, neither of their butts are clearly discernible) and the quote “THE BUTTS MATCH!!! THE FACTS DON’T LIE!!!!!” and he makes at least three of these posts a day, and “Bruce Wayne is the Batman” becomes a meme a la “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” and he gets asked about it on a talk show and he laughs uproariously at the idea and Stephen Colbert just HAPPENS to have a batman mask under the desk and they do a bit together where Bruce Wayne puts on the mask and walks around saying things like “excuse me, bank robbers, can I perhaps offer you some money to stop you robbing this bank?” and “I say, cease and desist your criminal behavior or I’ll have my butler ask you to leave” and the audience is LOSING THEIR MINDS laughing at the idea of this pampered rich guy taking on the Joker on a bi-weekly basis and then anyone who suggests “Bruce Wayne is Batman” in earnest gets met with mocking “oh man do the butts match” comments